Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / Present Over Perfect | Kayte Riselli Enneagram Type 1

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Present Over Perfect | Kayte Riselli Enneagram Type 1 · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Hi friends, welcome back to the Simply Wholehearted podcast.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: It means so much to have you choose to take this conversation along with you today.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Amy Wicks, your host, and here at Simply Wholehearted, we provide perspective, purpose, and plans for your best life.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Well, for several months now, I've been talking about our summer in the Aneagram, and we are finally here and ready to travel through all nine types.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know we love the Aneagram around here, and I believe that the insight of this resource will guide you to create your best wholehearted life.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: But this can't happen until you understand who you were created to be and the message your heart wants to hear.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: And especially for those still trying to determine your dominant type, you'll want to tune into each episode to see what you might resonate with most.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: And for those who are confident of your dominant type, you'll want to tune in to each episode because we have something for each type every episode.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Not to mention it may help you better understand the other types in your life.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Before we dive into this conversation with Katie, here is some details and telltale signs about the Aneagram type 1.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: Type 1s like to be organized and orderly.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: They tend to be idealistic and want to make the world a better place.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Truth and justice are very important to type 1s.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Now, the type 1 is part of the gut trap.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: They are in the compliant or dependent stance, and they excel in being focused on the present.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Although, I always need help with that.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here are some great tips to help you get along with the one.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Gently encourage them to lighten up and laugh a little bit at themselves.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: You need to hear and acknowledge their worries.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: It would be really great if you value their advice and let them know that you do.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then, best of all, you can reassure them that they are fine just the way they are.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Now, Katie Roselli is a favorite Amy Graham one of my life, and most days I'm amazed by what a great pacing partner she has become in life and work.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: She helps me focus on the present and fills in the details when all I can see is the big picture.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And when she has time, man, her editing skills are bar none.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: I need them in my life.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: And also, if you didn't catch it, this was another two-week episode.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_00: I guess I've got lots of extra fun summer listening for you.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Katie Roselli was also my guest on Tuesday's episode.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: For all you moms out there that may want to learn more about creating the summer you've always wanted, be sure and cue that episode after you listen to this one.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, friend.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: We are spending the summer in the Anneagram, and I am so excited.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: I have been I have been talking about this for six months, I think.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: Before Christmas.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, that's true.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Before Christmas.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because, well, it's no it's no hidden secret around here that we love talking about the Enneagram.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I think some of my friends are a little sick of me talking about the Enneagram, but you can't stop me.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's true.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's true.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_01: What is it?
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: I told somebody recently, I'm like, why do you how do you know about this Enneagram thing?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't have even known how to say it.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, well, let's put this friend.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: And um, if there was an extra love language, this would be hers.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's hilarious.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're gonna hang out, you just you're either gonna buy in or you're just gonna have to tune it out.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so I've bought in because I think it's fascinating.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: Um but yes, I've learned a ton.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Now, were you into personality tests before?
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: I think yes.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you've been fascinated with how people work, and so this isn't like a completely revolutionary thought.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_01: No, no.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, I've like, I think I my the first time I took my uh very first personality test, I was in high school or even younger because my parents did it.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: And the Air Force uses personality tests a lot.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_01: Sure, that makes sense.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: Leadership and development, professional development.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so I remember being in like I was probably in like fifth grade when my parents took the Myers Briggs through the Air Force, and they came home, and my parents are the only thing they have in common is they're both extroverts.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: And so for my whole life, it's been well, this is an ESTJ and this is an ENFP.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so it sounds like well, it's because you're acting like a seven right now, or you're such a so it was just the difference is this, and then like there's a a personality test based on colors that the military uses your gold, orange, green, or blue.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um people are like, oh, you're a gold.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, you are so blue, which is very feely emotional.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Um our two three four heart triad.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you would probably have so much fun overlaying like where do you end up, which parts of these end up in different numbers?
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: So the learning curve was just that there's nine types, and I'm not sure I could even name all of them.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um that's okay, I won't test you today.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_01: Please don't.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: But yes, so I was already pre-wired to it.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think when you work with groups of people, um you start seeing the benefit of understanding personality and like strengths, you know, the strengths that you bring to the table and things like that.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_01: So um when I work with a couple of other nonprofits or ministries, we've we talk about strengths finder.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um and so I'm you know, I haven't actually gotten certified to do that, but I understand it enough to be like most things, I know enough to be dangerous.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: I love that phrase about you.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: You've used it for a couple of things, and whenever I they come to mind, I think about you, and I'm like, yep, Katie knows just enough to be dangerous, and that's why I should ask her.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_01: I am not an expert.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: You should absolutely, there's a lot of things that I might sound like I know what I'm talking about.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but there's usually a disclaimer, I'm not the expert.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: But I've probably read enough pretty well versed, yeah.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: To be able to talk about it.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: And you just happen to be very articulate and smart, and you can help relay the information in a succinct and clear way.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: So that's very beneficial.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now, for you, what in particular about the Enneagram, besides the fact that I don't shut up about it, do you find life-giving as you compare it to all the different personality types that you're very intimately acquainted with?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: So I think what's really interesting is a lot of the others talk about most of them, what you do, your actions, yeah.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um, what are you good at doing, you know, strengths finder?
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I think Enneagram, what I love is that underlying motivation because that's the difference between setting a goal and achieving it, or not setting a goal, or setting a goal and not achieve, you know, like it's that motivation.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_01: Truth, right?
• 6:58
  unknown: Yeah.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so I think that I absolutely can tell you what my strengths are.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of people can tell you what they're good at, whether or not they have the vocabulary for a personality test.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_01: But knowing what you're good at can also be a crutch for not getting better at something you are weak in.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: Oh man, that's a good point.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but the enneagram isn't trying to give you a crutch, it's trying to teach you what motivates you and help you identify those things.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Now, how did you finally discover that you were a type one?
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_01: So I think I think really I landed on one because I took a test.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: I took a test twice.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: And it gave me two different numbers.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: And so then we probably talked about it.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: I think you've gone back and forth between.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so we've I've gone between three and one.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think I tested as a three, but I didn't really a hundred percent identify with all of it.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I remember you saying, well, this is what this said, but I don't know.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: It doesn't feel like and again, because it speaks to motivation, like that's a a test is is a good helpful starting place.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: Like um, but what I identified with one was more of the you know, the core fear or the core design.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: Weakness a weakness, okay.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: So the weak, the weak aspect of it or the hidden side or shadow side, as some might say, those are kind of what actually brought it to the light for you because you could identify and resonate with those.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because I think you know, you you would say a three um really probably a trigger is like the fear of failure or not accomplishing something.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I don't know that I have that, but the core fear for a one is not being good, not being good enough, not being perfect, um, not being right.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_01: I absolutely want to be right all the time.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm not.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: But um, but I think that that like there's plenty of my life that looks achiever ish.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because you're driven, you've you set high goals, you you have a ton of tenacity, and you have accomplished a lot in your 40 years of life.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_01: And so in fact, one of some of my best friends, um about I don't know, six months ago, my best friends from college, um, one of them stumbled onto it, and she was like, Hey, have you guys read this?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: Do you know about this?
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Yes.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_01: And she said, Well, what are you?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Well, what do you think I am?
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: And she's like, um one, three, or seven.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Okay.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and so it was fascinating because I do see how you could see all those.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um Yeah, depending on who you're with, right?
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: Again, and that's the outward, right?
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: What we do.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: We might all do you and I might do the same things, but we have a very different motivation of how absolutely.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: And you and I both like, we might both might might want to write a book, yeah, but you're gonna focus on actually achieving the goal, and I'm gonna focus, maybe get caught up in the like, is it a hundred percent?
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: Do I can I articulate it?
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: Do I know it?
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_01: Um, do I know enough?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_01: You know, like is it right?
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_01: Am I ready?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_01: So I think that that is it.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: And then I think sometimes the more you roll around in it and you start to see, oh yeah, that's you know, that manifests in my control freakish, you know, like I need things in order.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: Or um, you know, as a military spouse, most of my life is out of my control.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: I don't get to pick where we live.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_01: I don't get to pick um so many things, right?
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: So um the comedy is that at least for me, I then gravitate towards things that I can control, like um how my things are packed in my car.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and that might have caused one of the epic top five arguments of my marriage because I cared about how things were packed in the car.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: So look.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's important.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um and if you mess it up, I'm gonna devolve into tears because that wasn't like that was this illusion of control that I was clinging to.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_01: Discrafting, you know, yeah, it's a modern thing.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's comical now, yeah, four years later.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: But it wasn't then, yeah.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but it's also helpful then to explain motivation like, um, I can't, there are all these things going on.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I think I told you the other day he calls, like, how are you doing?
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, well, this, this, and this happened, and I can't control any of those things, and I cannot fix it.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm doing laundry and cleaning my house because I can't I can control that.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I think a few of us could resonate with that.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you kind of answered the next question, which was how can you tell when you're responding in stress?
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: And that is the need for control.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Is there anything else?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because when we talk about you know, and this is as we dive into the Aneagram, if you're just getting familiar with your type, you want to grab the quick start guide because that gives you a step-by-step approach, which is listening to some podcasts, the books I recommend, the type of test if you're gonna do a test, and then even doing my free coaching session, which is you know, 30 minutes of maybe either unpacking your type a little bit more or the anneagram in general.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: But there are lines of stress and growth that each number connects to.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I and for some people, that is one of the best ways to determine their type because they most see themselves, you know, in those lines of stress and growth.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas there's some, if they were, you know, kind of wondering, oh, am I that?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: You go, oh yeah, there's no way.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: I don't look at anything like that.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_00: I was just talking with a friend the other night and she the counselor kind of brought up to maybe evaluate is she an eight or a one.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I, you know, I said, Well, actually, I would kind of spin that a little bit and go, can I point out how how you consistently go to this number in stress or this number in growth?
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that to me kind of points me back to your, you know, oh, I think you're probably an eight.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because she most often she goes to the five in stress, which is a lot of research.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_00: And um, but then she also goes to a two in growth, and uh she makes it such a priority to help people, and she is incredibly generous.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: So, you know, anyway, whereas the one, the lines just didn't quite make sense to what she was.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because as a one, um, I in growth, or like when I'm healthy, when I'm my best self in in my element, is the way I explain it to people, is you're gonna I look like an enthusiast.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: I look like a seven.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: Which is and that's so fun that your friend was thinking one, three, or seven.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and that's absolutely where she was because in my healthiness, I do look like a seven.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_00: But when you're with your friends and having a good time, right?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm having fun, I can be completely enthusiastic and energetic, maybe to a fault, about things that I'm really excited about.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: Interesting.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna hear about things that I think are important a lot.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: Um And that's why I so appreciate you.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, you're gonna hear about all the books to read that are good for the summer.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_01: Um but when I'm not like when I'm under a lot of stress, my number one um escape is to just want to quit everything and I want to just go hide.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I don't I don't understand it for quite well enough to know, but I absolutely like, yeah, I just need to just stop because I cannot do it all.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not getting it right.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it feels like too much.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: Everything is meaningless.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: Does that ring a bell?
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I mean, how many times?
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like, do you find yourself, I find myself in the the like the worst parts of Ecclesiastes.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yeah, yeah.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: Why would you do that?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: Why does it matter?
• 15:27
  unknown: No.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's amazing, isn't it?
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: To now have language and understanding and to look at that objectively.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Because a lot of times this is where for me, even I can begin to decipher what is clearly not truth and what is my uh emotional reaction just operating out of stress and unhealth.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because before I trapped it up to maybe there is something true to this, maybe there's something to be said, like maybe this is there has to be some truth to my feelings because I'm a feeler and you know, in my triad.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: So, but now that I have all these things to unpack, you know, and connect in the the words for it and the understanding and the language that I'm like, oh no, that's just because of this.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: And now I'm I try to be a little bit more aware and vigilant when I go those directions and I try to catch myself before I wallow in it and convince myself that these lies are truth, which I don't always do well, but I'm getting better because it's really helpful.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 16:30
  SPEAKER_01: And for me, I think that's probably as a one, it's not surprising that most of my writing, a lot of what I've done is it stems from this concept of what do you believe?
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: Because the truth is what trumps emotions.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so for me, I'm not really a feeler.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like I do a really good job of just going your gut reaction, you know, instinct.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's how you I can explain it.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_01: I have I think sometimes some of us are a little bit more in touch with our feelings, or or maybe I just have learned to manage them differently.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: But um in like my hardest seasons, I've I've realized that I naturally go, well, what is true?
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like in this, what is true?
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um, you know, if you uh this spring I had a huge fight with three of my best friends, and we talked about that in terms of well, what do I believe to be true about their friendship versus how we feel or or the words that are used?
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um, because that's gonna guide my decision making in terms of this is what I know is true, this is right, and how I feel in the moment is a response that will shift.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_01: But it's also a response to a perception that may or may not be true.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, um, it's a response to an emotional outburst by someone else.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I I think as we start to understand our our motivations, like when we know, okay, well, I'm a one, I'm looking for, I'm always gonna look back, look for what is right.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:05
  SPEAKER_01: Um and I want to go towards that.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and that's good, that's great.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: But I cannot solve all the world's problems.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: And so the moment I try to fix everything everywhere, um, I'm overwhelmed and I find myself sitting in four going, I can't do anything.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: That makes so much sense.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: And in fact, when you say this, live what you believe, why it's so important because in you're in the gut triad, whereas I mentioned that I'm in the feeling triad as a two, the two, three, fours are feeling triad, gut triad is eight, nine, one.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_00: And so you need that true north just as much as the thinking, the feeling, and the gut in order to pause, and is my reaction and my natural instinct going to really live out what I believe?
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: Or am I just gonna respond?
• 18:59
  unknown: Right.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: And and believe what I'm living.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like are you believing what you live?
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what do you believe?
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_01: Do you believe um and you know you could take this and turn it into subjective, right?
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like, sure, sure.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not looking for my gut and my truth that's different than yours.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: For me, it's objective truth.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what is what is true about God?
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: What is true about um what do I know to be true about my life as a believer in Christ?
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, what am I promised?
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_01: So what do I know to be true based on that true north?
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then looking at your life going, well, what do I believe?
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: Do I believe that grief is forever?
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_01: Or am I do I believe that there's hope on the other side of a dark valley?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I believe that.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: Then I'm going to live out of that belief rather than letting the narrative of the life I see right now and that you're experiencing even dictate how I live.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: And it's it's it's just a subtle shift, right?
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: Like powerful.
• 20:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's so powerful because it's it's taking ownership of our lives rather than becoming the victim to it.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_01: Like you either believe you're a victim or you're a victor.
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_01: You can't hold out two banners at the same time.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: If you claim victory in Christ, you're a victor in all circumstances, and it's already done because Romans 8 promises it.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it was accomplished when he said it is finished on the cross.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: So if I'm gonna claim victory, I don't get to live as if I am a victim to my circumstances or my emotions or the nature of the life that it looks like right now.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's so good.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: And I love um just getting to that's one of the reasons I so value our friendship is that these are what our conversations circle around a lot.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: And it's true.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, it's it's like you can't escape my Enneagram talk, and I can't escape the live what you believe.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because they play into all the things that the Lord has for us in this season has for our marriage, for you for military, for motherhood.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_01: It plays into everything that we're living, because no matter what season of life we're in, whatever stage of motherhood or marriage or parenting or even our professionalism, like we want to live wholehearted lives that are a hundred percent empowered by who we were created to be and the purpose to which we were created, even if it's huge or or just the very basic moment-by-moment living, knowing that this is exactly who I was created to be.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and it's as simple as I really enjoy hanging out with kindergartners.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_01: And so that does that does that seem on par with writing speeches for you know high profile people in DC?
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: No, but actually I get just as much joy from an hour and a half with kindergartners.
• 21:59
  SPEAKER_01: No, I Done two hours of kindergarten, I'm good.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, like yeah, yeah, the whole day for the whole day, yeah.
• 22:06
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but like when you can take a moment and go, what am I motivated by?
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: I'm motivated by hanging out and doing these things that I know are good, yeah, because that's that's it, yeah.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then framing you know, framing the bad day with well, am I responding to the circumstances and the emotions, or am I responding to, okay, I am me in this place, and so I'm gonna live out who I was created to be, and that means that this or that hardship doesn't get to win.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: So important.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_00: I love I love how the Aneagram has informed this tagline of your life.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's absolutely I'm interrupting this Aneagram conversation to remind you about the Simply Summer workshop that is here to help you with the no-schedule long days, sibling fighting, boredom constant eating, and the messy house.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: You can have the summer you've always wanted with your kids.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_00: A Simply Summer is completely possible for you because it totally works.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_00: First, download the 50 screen-free boredombuster ideas, which are perfect for those with kids 12 and under.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then you can get my Simply Summer quick start guide, which helps you guide each of your kids into the routine they need.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, the Simply Summer workshop will take you step by step to create the schedule you desire, help foster sibling unity, eliminate boredom, and keep a cleaner home, all while giving you more time to get things done.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's possible.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_00: I promise.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_00: You can have your best summer this year.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_00: I put all the details in the show notes, as well as a special discount code just for you.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_00: Now back to our summer in the Aneagram.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: Your go-to soul care that you do to keep you on your path to growth.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: Which the, you know, adapting the high side of seven is for you, you know, kind of demonstrates a little bit how you are your best self.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: This enthusiast, one that brings a lot of fun and energy to your surroundings.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: But what do you have to be doing in order to continue to and to go to the high side of there's a ton of positive qualities about the one that doesn't necessarily need to connect to the seven, even.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: Um, because what ones have to offer are these not idealism, but even like you know, boundaries and goodness and refinement to what is, you know, support.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I kind of think that's the beauty for me.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas a three, I kind of a more, you know, what's the efficient, fastest way to get things done?
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I need once in my life to go, hey, now quality control, let's rein in uh the energy a little bit and let's do this really well.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: And and yeah, you know, and then I go back and go, okay, well, but let's not wait for perfection, let's go ahead and you know, do our first try.
• 25:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, for sure.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: I think yeah, that's one of the balances too, is you know, how many times you and I have been on Boxer or on the phone and going, you're saying, well, this, this, and this.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, but you're not a robot.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yeah, you can't do everything the same, you don't have enough energy to do everything 100%.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: That's right.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_01: And so for me, part of it has been learning, because I think I've spent a I probably spent the vast majority of I don't know, my 20s thinking I was probably living like a three, right?
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_01: Like achieving.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um but what I took away from that was this thing that I could do all the things all the time, and I needed to be going and moving.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_01: And what I didn't realize was that I'm not actually wired like that because I'm exhausted by that.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so then where I land when I'm exhausted, because I've tried to do all the things all the time for everyone, I'm exhausted and I quit everything.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: And like all or nothing.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I'm like all or nothing.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I really want to be all in.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_01: Like if you got me, I want you, I want to be all in.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_01: But that said, the opposite of that is not necessarily nothing, it's a balanced approach.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I and so some of it I think for soul care is realizing um recognizing and being comfortable enough with my boundaries.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like this is just not in the realm of the possible, and it's not a reflection of how good I am or how right I am.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because I've decided to look at what's on my plate and prioritize.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_01: And if the first three things is all I get through, then the rest of it goes away.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: So good.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: I I think that's really important to understand our type a little bit more.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it's not just this, well, and we're not using it just as a license to be the worst part of that or to you know, to use it against people.
• 27:12
  SPEAKER_00: That's that to me, nothing feels worse than encountering someone who's like, Well, I'm just this, and so therefore I do that.
• 27:20
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's not a crutch for what we're weak at.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, it's more of a spotlight on what we're wired by God to do and be.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then it empowers us to live fully in that.
• 27:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and to also accept our limitations, you know, like I cannot do all the things all the time for everyone.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: And the sooner I accept that personally, the sooner I am more reliable and dependable to the people around me.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it goes back then doing what you were created to do, how you were created to do it, instead of looking around you and go, well, you know, Amy does this and you know, Natalie does this.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, just and and it's in comparing and measuring yourself against that when we're only supposed to be measuring ourselves against what God has wired us for and called us to and and place before us.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: And when we have understanding to that, it makes it so much easier to not be constantly looking to the right or left and measuring ourselves incorrectly.
• 28:24
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, we can, you know, laser-like focus on what it is that works for us and why it works for us.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_00: And oh, there's so much empowerment through that knowledge.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's so good.
• 28:34
  SPEAKER_01: I also think it's fascinating to think about, you know, we shouldn't ever compare ourselves, right?
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's comparison, is this thief, it's a it's a thief of joy.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_01: It it's you know, it's a slippery slope into a really bad mental place.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and if you can stop the comparison, you're probably gonna save yourself a whole lot of heartache.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's but if you're gonna compare, why on earth would you compare a one to a two or a nine?
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: Like, because ultimately our motivations are really different, or even a one and a four.
• 29:08
  SPEAKER_01: And the thing about that is again, it's not what you do, because I know I have several four friends and we're all writers, but we're very different in our motivation for writing and in our expression of writing.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe in our our willingness or freedom in sharing our writing.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_01: Because that plays I'm such a critic.
• 29:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's probably that was the like telltale, I'm a one was this understanding in one of the books I read about a one having an inner critic, you know, like everybody's self-critical, but like nobody is probably like there is no criticism you're gonna give me that is as harsh as what I give myself.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_01: That's um, and that's tough.
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_01: But then to realize that and to realize that's not what you think about me was really freeing.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I think some of that is like that comparison thing, like, let's we should stop comparing anyway.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_01: But if I'm gonna compare, gosh man, now I know a couple other ones, and like what works for her?
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how does she get healthy?
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_01: Or even seeing how it manifests unhealth.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's a good one to be like, oh, yep, don't want to do that.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's so good.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_01: So I think it helps it helps me learn about me.
• 30:33
  SPEAKER_01: And unlike other personality tests, I think the Enneagram is just really intensely personal.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_01: Like you can't really, I can't tell you that you're you're a certain number or say, oh, that that just proves you're this because I don't know your motivation, I don't know your heart.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_01: So the power of the Enneagram is what we do with it personally.
• 30:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then together we bring to a team or to a you know a collaborative process.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's so good.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I that's one of the pieces I appreciate about how it's incorporated with coaching.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_00: I go through a set of five sessions for with my coaching clients, and we go through, we dive into different details of their specific type.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_00: But then taking that knowledge of their Enneagram type and applying it to life circumstances makes it so uniquely personal.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas each person will have their own unique experience because their different set of circumstances and life situation, you know, and looking at it with their unique lens type, because then they have wings and their levels of health and all of that playing into it.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: But it can help people thrive in all the different um areas of life.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so I have you to thank for this new little piece about the Enneagram that I just learned.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_00: So a Suzanne Stabile, who we just love listening to because she just has a mothering, nurturing voice and a lot of wisdom.
• 32:08
  SPEAKER_00: I think she has studied the Enneagram for probably 30 years or something.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_00: But we've talked about the stances and the triads before and how those combined together can help us identify our main type.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: But what I had not heard is that the stances actually give us understanding to our orientation and time.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_00: And so if we if we unpack that in general, the uh the compliance stance, which is the one, two, and six, their uh stance towards time is to be present.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: The uh assertive stance is which is three, seven, and eight, their time orientation is few future.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: And the inward or withdrawn stance, which is the four, five, and nine, they are past oriented.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: So I I think I mean this is we don't have enough time to unpack the mind-blowing ramifications that this has for us, especially because we talk about time here a lot at Simply Wholehearted and how to really make our minutes count.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: I knew I already struggled with being fully present, but this gave me a greater understanding of why that is.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I I and also to celebrate that I, as a three and being in the assertive stance and being future-oriented, I can bring the gift of helping people see you know what to dream and to see what could be ahead for him and the potential I see, and that's where the coaching comes in because I love sitting down and unpacking dreams, but I also feel like it's a God-given gift that I can see the potential that the Lord has in store for them for their best life.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um, for you, and where I can learn from you, and what I so love is that you're in this present stance, which it's it that's a gift, I think, because that's where I constantly see, oh man, I lack being present.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then, you know, for past again, we need to learn from our past, and that's the gift like I especially think of fours in particular because they're usually so can express it so beautifully, what the past, how they've learned from it, what we can learn from it.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so for you, as you as you look to the summer and you look to growth for your own life and your growth and motherhood, how does this understanding of being present-oriented play into?
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think it was.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, when I stumbled onto that, it was fascinating.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I boxed you like three times in listening to it because I was like, this makes so much sense and so many things, but part of it being um I am most like what ties up my head most of the time is not two years from now or next summer.
• 35:04
  SPEAKER_01: It's getting from here to Friday, you know, like it's the what's right in front of me.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_01: I think it also is what makes me really good at um, you know, I do crisis communications professionally.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I've done a lot of, you know, emergency response taking care of families.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm really good in the moment.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think it's why when I look at my calendar these days, I want so much margin.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_01: And so I look for the white space because I'm looking for the freedom and the flexibility to be responsive to whatever comes today.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_01: Um and that's you know, that's a gift.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_01: That being said, it's a it's a problem because I'm also a procrastinator.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_01: Because I'm a one, and I think I don't know that everyone is, but I want it to be perfect.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_01: So I can work on it as long as you possibly give me.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_01: So if there's a deadline to work on it to death, I'll work on it till the deadline.
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and then I need to create my own deadline and be externally accountable to it to make sure it happens.
• 36:15
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I think part of that is because I'm in I'm really good right now.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_01: Not as good about like a year from now.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_01: So this idea of writing a book that could take me a two-year span, I'm like, what?
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_01: That kind of sounds like more than I could bite off.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe I can see that next month and we'll talk about it.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_00: But it'll keep being next month, and that's where you need some people like me in your life go and Katie.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_00: You can do this baby steps to the book.
• 36:46
  SPEAKER_01: But it's also really good too.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I think I'm pretty sure my husband balls as a um in that assertive stance.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_01: Like, and he's really good at oh, I'm gonna need to turn in that commentary for the newspaper and it's due at the end of the month.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'll turn it in this week and it's done.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, who are you?
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_01: Who can look forward that far?
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_01: So I think it's really helpful.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_01: And then I think it's helpful probably as you start to work with teams um or even kids, um, like that conversation about parenting and the discipline, you know, and you start to understand who your kids are as they get older.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um, if you've got a kid who is like firmly stuck in the past, you're gonna have to coach them out of that mistake.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 37:34
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas if you have a kid who's totally future, you're you're disciplining for the moment and they're already moved on.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_01: They said, I'm sorry, I won't do it again, and they're already in the thinking about how they're yeah, already doing it the right way, like they should have.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, it's amazing.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_00: I've got three of those.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 37:51
  SPEAKER_01: So it's been really, it's been good.
• 37:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it's that one's still a novel, but I'm unpacking it and it's interesting to see how um, again, it's it's not a crutch.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_01: Like I can make a plan for the future.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just not naturally wired to do it.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's so good.
• 38:07
  SPEAKER_00: There is so many, so many elements of it that has helped me understand for parenting and for even even from that coaching standpoint, again, where we're sitting down with people and then just even understand some of my friendships and why for me I have to be really cautious to go slow to the future with a lot of my friends, whether and this is where I've always struggled with, oh, I'm too much.
• 38:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's not that I'm too much, but I'm glossing over what's really important to the people around me, which is the present or even the past.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I need to make sure I take time to acknowledge it and not rush forward and and not rush over it.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, and again, this is where man, I all for good intents and purposes and all natural, but how can we how can we make how can we work on growing those in a way that are really healthy to the community around us?
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think it'll be great.
• 39:04
  SPEAKER_01: I'm excited to see the summer and the Anygram pull together and let folks, you know, it's one of those, again, if you're having a fun summer and you've maybe it's just something you you sit back and you figure out for yourself, yeah, you know, to understand maybe um what your hang up is, like that goal that you put off.
• 39:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um maybe you're not you're maybe you're not getting there because you um haven't figured out what your hurdles are.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, you know, maybe you have an inner critic and you need to silence the bully and um and go for good enough, not just perfect.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I love it.
• 39:36
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I like that one.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: Go for good enough.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_00: It is.
• 39:43
  SPEAKER_00: Put a hat on.
• 39:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, put a hat on and be okay without, you know, no makeup Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday in the summertime.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_01: So it'll be fun.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_01: I think you're gonna have some really fascinating conversations to walk through the types, but also just different layers of it.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_01: Hopefully, people get a sense for hey, this is what this could be, or maybe it's interesting.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_01: And that's right.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_01: Um, or at least they're not as as like, what is this Enneagram?
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like, how do you even spell it?
• 40:13
  SPEAKER_00: Right, right.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I always joke about that.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_00: I used to think it was anneagram and uh nope, Anneagram.
• 40:22
  SPEAKER_01: They can download one of your free, like your one-page Enneagram summary.
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, and you get the quick start guide, and then yeah, the one-page summary gives a kind of a lowdown on each of the nine types so you can look at it on a you know, on a one sheet of paper, look at it at a glance, and just get familiar with it, especially as we're going through, because we're gonna go through each type.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna spend one, you know, have a person on here that is one of each type.
• 40:49
  SPEAKER_00: We've got them all lined up, some of them recorded already, and talk about what it looks like to be a two, a three, a four, and and then also just hear how that's influenced their lives and some of the things that they're they're doing and they're doing as they live their best life and they're fullhearted.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_00: Do you think you have a better understanding of Aneagram type one?
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_00: I certainly hope you've learned a little bit more in our conversation today.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_00: And congrats! You have taken the first step in the Aneagram journey and tuned in to hear perspective.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're looking for more help, I have several ways to easily help you.
• 41:30
  SPEAKER_00: The wholehearted Aneagram Quick Start is a step-by-step guide to gain clearer understanding on your dominant type.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're looking for an overview, my wholehearted Aneagram summary gives you the highlights of all nine types on one page.
• 41:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's colorful and it helps as you talk to others about this awesome resource.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_00: And last but not least, I've just opened up a few more coaching spots for the summer and fall.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you need more help discerning your dominant type or want to clarify your unique path of growth.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's easy to get on the wait list for a free 30-minute consult.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_00: All the info for this and those free downloads are in the show notes or at simply wholehearted.com.
• 42:13
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, we want you to invite others as we continue our summer in the Aneagram.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_00: We'll be traveling through all nine types and quite a few overviews as we dive into this insightful personality tool.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_00: We will have some of our favorite guests back on the podcast sharing their personal experience as their unique Aneagram type, and of course their new books, conferences, and so much more.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss another episode or the two-week episode because Father's Day is coming up, and I have a perfect guest to share with you all next week.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_00: Don't forget to check us on Instagram and Facebook as we are posting giveaways, fun Enneagram tips, and so much more.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_00: Let's continue to invite others to join us as we continue to pursue perspective, purpose, and plans for a simply wholehearted life.