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Here are 11 Things Narcissists Say to drive you crazy · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  So, Lee, can you make a video about some of the phrases that a
• 0:03
  lot of narcissistic people use to confuse you and gaslight you
• 0:07
  and make you feel like you're going crazy?
• 0:09
  Why, yes, I can. That's what today's video is
• 0:12
  going to be about. Y'all 11 different phrases that
• 0:15
  narcissistic people use to make you feel like you're losing your
• 0:18
  mind, to make you question your own reality, and to make you
• 0:21
  feel like you're off your rocker, right?
• 0:23
  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
• 0:24
  I'm a diagnosed narcissist. And welcome to another episode
• 0:26
  of The Narcissist Code. Welcome back, folks.
• 0:47
  Welcome back. My pretties.
• 0:49
  My pretties sound like the the wicked witch owner.
• 0:51
  My pretties. Yeah. 11 different phrases that
• 0:57
  a narcissist or toxic person could use to make you feel like
• 1:00
  you're going crazy. Before I hop into this list, not
• 1:03
  everything that's like like out these phrases can be used by
• 1:08
  other people, not just these. Using these phrases does not
• 1:11
  make does not guarantee that somebody is a narcissist.
• 1:15
  Let me get that out the way early because I know I'm going
• 1:16
  to get these comments. Well, Lee, I said that, but I
• 1:19
  say it because it is. You might not be a narcissist.
• 1:22
  It doesn't make you a narcissist.
• 1:23
  Now, if you hear these phrases from somebody else consistently
• 1:26
  constantly, like whoa, wait a minute and you know the truth,
• 1:29
  you know what I'm saying? That type of stuff matters.
• 1:31
  The truth matters in this instance right here.
• 1:33
  So you're just this is something you just think about right here.
• 1:35
  There's something to think about, something, right?
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  All right, the first phrase I got right here is why are you
• 1:42
  with me? That's it right there.
• 1:46
  They'll use that phrase right there to make it seem like
• 1:49
  whatever they're doing is not as bad as you're making it out to
• 1:52
  be. Like that you or somehow, some
• 1:55
  way, shape or form that you are overreacting to whatever is
• 2:00
  going on. That you yourself, that you
• 2:03
  right here are overreacting, that you are losing your mind,
• 2:06
  that you have missed, understood or misrepresented whatever is
• 2:10
  going on, whatever the situation is saying right now, that you
• 2:13
  don't know what the hell you are talking about.
• 2:17
  That right there is truth. A lot of narcissist will use
• 2:19
  that phrase. Why are you with me then?
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  To justify their actions, To justify their behaviors to, to
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  justify why they are still why? Why they are still treating you
• 2:29
  a certain type of way? If it's not, if you're not happy
• 2:32
  here, why don't you just leave? Why are you still here?
• 2:34
  If it's so bad, why are you still here?
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  That's what they'll say, right? Am I right?
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  Yes, I am because you know it. You know that's what a lot of
• 2:42
  narcissists will say. Why you still with me then?
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  Why you still here? If you so if you unhappy, just
• 2:47
  get out of here. Just leave.
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  You see, that's phrase number one.
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  Why are you with me? The next one and I have my list
• 2:55
  right here. Y'all, I don't have my
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  teleprompt up here. The next one is I'm sorry you
• 3:00
  feel that way. That if that ain't one of the
• 3:05
  most invalidating phrases ever. I want to tell you I'm sorry you
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  feel that way is not an apology. Y'all Come on, come on.
• 3:17
  I'm sorry you feel that way is a blanket statement.
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  Apology is not acknowledging anything.
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  True. Authentic apologies require
• 3:24
  specificity and at least an admission of what they did
• 3:28
  wrong. I'm sorry you feel that way.
• 3:31
  Is not that. That is not that.
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  That is just invalidating how you feel.
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  Well, I'm sorry you feel that way.
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  You cheated on me and I'm hurting.
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  My heart is broken. My heart is shattered in a
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  million pieces. I'm sorry you feel that way.
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  What? What?
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  What is that? You see what I'm saying?
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  The next statement, the next phrase right here.
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  I'm sorry I hurt you. It might be I'm sorry I hurt
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  you. It might be on par.
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  It might be on that same level as I'm sorry you feel that way
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  'cause I'm sorry I hurt you. Again, it's one of those blanket
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  statement apologies. It doesn't mean anything.
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  I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry for what I did.
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  I'm sorry for a little bit all that could be blanketed
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  together. I ought to be put together.
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  I'm sorry I hurt you. Could be.
• 4:20
  I'm sorry I hurt you by eating your Doritos that that night and
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  I knew you were hungry. It could be I'm sorry I stepped
• 4:26
  in your toe when I was carrying a sofa into the house.
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  I'm sorry I did this. It doesn't.
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  It doesn't list what they have actually done wrong.
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  Hence is not an apology. Hence is one of those statements
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  that it can invalidate you, make you feel like you're losing your
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  mind, make you feel like you're going crazy.
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  I'm sorry you feel that way. Oh, I'm sorry I hurt you.
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  It's one of those statements, one of those times that this
• 4:47
  can't happen right here y'all. So next statement, drum roll
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  please. That's not what happened.
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  I didn't say more. That's not what happened is one
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  of the most gaslighting statements, especially if it's
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  not true. If you know the truth of what
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  has happened, if you know the reality of what you've been
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  through, what you've experienced, when somebody says
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  that's not what happened, it makes you question your reality.
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  You can feel like you're going crazy.
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  You're like, wait, that is what happened.
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  And then no, you're misremembering.
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  You don't know, right? You, you, you, you
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  misremembering. You have a bad memory.
• 5:30
  Don't look, don't don't have ADHD or BPD or something like
• 5:34
  that. When you're dealing with the
• 5:35
  narcissist, don't be bipolar. When you deal with the
• 5:37
  narcissist, they'll just blame that that's not what happened.
• 5:40
  That's your ADHD making you or forget.
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  That's not what happened. That's your borderline
• 5:45
  personality disorder. That's your BPD traits.
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  They that's your ASPD, that's your bipolar.
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  That's, that's not the truth. That's not what happened.
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  You misremember, you don't remember correctly.
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  I let's trust my memory here. I don't have a diagnosable
• 5:59
  disorder. That's not what happened is the
• 6:05
  other one. I'm y'all the next one.
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  You're crazy. I know that seems super
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  simplistic right there when I say it like that.
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  You're crazy. Doesn't seem like it carries
• 6:18
  much ink to it, but y'all know it does.
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  When somebody calls you crazy, when you're simply stating the
• 6:23
  truth, where you're simply trying to express yourself, it
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  can make you. It can just enrage you to the
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  point where you lose your damn mind if somebody's calling you
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  crazy. Sometimes if they call you crazy
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  enough, it could be conditioning you to feel like you are crazy.
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  It could be conditioning you to make you feel like to feel like
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  you are losing it. It could be conditioning you to
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  make you feel like you are like off your rocker, like you have
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  lost it, like you don't know what's actually going on.
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  It could be conditioning you for a lot of different scenarios, a
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  lot of different things to happen right here.
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  It could be conditioning you. That's what goes on.
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  So if somebody calls you crazy consistently, they could
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  absolutely positively be conditioning you to the field or
• 7:02
  act a certain type of way. The next one I'll be prepping
• 7:08
  y'all for this is going to piss y'all off.
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  This is going to piss y'all off right here.
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  You made me do that. I know you made me do that is
• 7:17
  going to set a lot of people off because the narcissist or the
• 7:21
  tax person or whoever you're dealing with is going to try to
• 7:24
  consistently blame you for what they have done to you, for what
• 7:29
  you've been through and what you've experienced.
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  They're going to try to put it on to you.
• 7:32
  They're going to try to say you made me do that.
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  You make me ACT this way. You made me.
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  You set me off. I've never been this way with
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  anybody else. It's on you.
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  It's your fault I act like this. It's your fault I behave like
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  this. It's your fault.
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  They'll try to put this is one of the most blame deflective,
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  gaslighting ass statements you ever hear.
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  You made me do that. You know you made me do this,
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  you made me do that. That's what they're going to
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  say. That's what they're going to try
• 8:01
  to put you through. They're going to try to mess
• 8:02
  with your mind. In this instance right here, you
• 8:04
  made me do that. Like if somebody smacks you or
• 8:08
  somebody hits you and you're like wait what?
• 8:09
  You hit me for them like well, you made me do that, but I made
• 8:13
  you hit me. I made you ball your fist up and
• 8:15
  hit me with it. Well, you if you would have said
• 8:18
  that I wanted to eat that, so it's your fault you made me do
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  that. There's one of another
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  statements right there. Y'all the next one Bucky is he
• 8:28
  does that right here. Yeah.
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  You never loved me. I know right there.
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  Gotcha. I'll be all right there.
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  Did it. You never love me is one of the
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  most effective gaslighting, guilt tripping statements that
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  you're ever going to hear from a narcissistic person.
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  When you are fed up and when you are done, when you are finally
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  wanting to walk away and protect your peace and to protect
• 8:52
  yourself and to just take the next steps in your healing
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  growth journey, they're going to say some crazy ass stuff like
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  this. You never loved me to make you
• 9:02
  feel like you didn't give your all.
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  You haven't forgiven them enough.
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  Like 15 to the fifteen chances that you have given them have
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  not been enough. They need 16 chances.
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  They need 20. Their last girlfriend gave him
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  25 chances and you only going to give me three?
• 9:19
  Wow, you know, my last boyfriend married me after I had an affair
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  and slept with his brother and had a baby by his brother.
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  He's helping me raise his nephew as his own.
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  And you're going to break with me after the 10th time I cheated
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  on you? Wow, you never loved me, did
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  you? You sound insane.
• 9:36
  That sounds right there. It's insane.
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  It's insanity right there. How many?
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  How many got left? 123404 We got 4 left #8 yeah #8
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  We both made mistakes. Is we both made mistakes and
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  you're, and you're not perfect. We're not perfect, I'm not
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  perfect. Those all kind of go together.
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  This is right here. If they're trying to divvy up
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  the accountability, they're trying to take the
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  accountability pie and cut it up into equal slices and give
• 10:08
  everybody a piece, right? Give you a big piece, somebody
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  they'll get, they're going to give you a bigger piece than
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  they got right. It seems like this is one of the
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  times it's going to seem like they're taking some type of
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  accountability, but they just put it on to everybody else.
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  They're trying to make you admit they're doing something wrong.
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  So if we both made mistakes, you're not perfect either when
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  they say that type of stuff and you and then you agree.
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  So yeah, I've said some bad stuff.
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  I've done some bad stuff too. They got you.
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  That's one of them baiting. That's one of them bait
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  statements right there. They they're putting bait out
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  there for you to eat like a little like a little empathetic
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  little snapper, like a little snapper fish.
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  Like, you know, you try to you try to eat it on up, don't you?
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  That's what happens in these situations, right?
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  When you have a little a little narcissistic snapper fish.
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  We're dealing with this somebody with this personality type,
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  they're going to make you feel like you're going crazy and
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  they're going to try to make you take some of the blame for
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  whatever has happened. We've both made mistakes.
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  Yeah, I cheated on you. But remember when you ate my
• 11:01
  Doritos? I love Doritos.
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  Y'all, y'all keep. See, I keep bringing it up.
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  You, you remember? Yeah, I cheated.
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  You remember. You ate my snacks.
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  You ate my ice cream. We both made mistakes.
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  Insanity with a Menon. You're not perfect.
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  I know. I said we would.
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  I say this right here is when they're directly trying to blame
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  you. I know I say I'm not perfect.
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  We both made mistakes. We're both not perfect.
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  This right here, you're not perfect is a direct blame
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  statement right here. The last, the previous one.
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  They they sound the same. The last previous one, they're
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  divvying it up. This one, they're putting it on
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  to you. You're not perfect, you're a
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  horrible person, you're evil. They're this is the this is the
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  direct attack on you. The previous one was they were
• 11:49
  attacking you, but they were trying to they were giving them
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  they were they were they were shooting at you, but they were
• 11:54
  getting a blowback, right. They took some blowback.
• 11:56
  It's like they what's the would you would you shoot a gun and
• 11:59
  you and the buck when he when he bucks back the the kickback when
• 12:02
  he kicks back. I forgot what they call, I
• 12:03
  forgot the terminology, but boom, they takes a hit too.
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  But right here they just put it onto you.
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  You're not perfect either. You make mistakes.
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  What about what you've done? There's this is when they start
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  digging up your past and compare.
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  This is when they go into compare and contrast mode right
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  here. Y'all #10 I know I did 11.
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  Y'all, I was going to do like 12.
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  I was like, let me keep it. An odd number, a weird number.
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  They're going to look crazy on the thumbnail.
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  Look crazy on the thumbnail #10 You know what you did.
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  You know what you did wrong. This is one of the times when
• 12:37
  you're trying to figure out why they're mad at you, why they
• 12:40
  they're not speaking to you, why they give you the solid
• 12:42
  treatment, why they yelled at you and screamed at you, why
• 12:45
  they're not giving you any type of a love and affection.
• 12:47
  They'll tell you and you ask them like, hey, what?
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  Why are you? Why are you mad at me?
• 12:51
  And then they won't give you a direct answer.
• 12:52
  They'll just say you, you know what you did wrong.
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  Because sometimes y'all, they'd be mad at stupid ass stuff, dumb
• 12:57
  ass stuff. So they don't, they don't really
• 12:59
  have a reason to be mad, so they're trying to get you to
• 13:02
  give them reasons to be mad. If they ever say that statement
• 13:04
  right there, you know what you did wrong.
• 13:06
  Don't start listing things off of what you could have done
• 13:10
  wrong because now they have you. Now they got you.
• 13:12
  Because now they're going to say something that you might have,
• 13:15
  you going to say something that you might have done wrong or you
• 13:18
  might have perceived to be wrong, and they get you right
• 13:20
  there. Don't ever.
• 13:22
  If you can't walk away from it right here, I'm not telling you
• 13:23
  to leave the relationship, but walk away from them.
• 13:26
  Enjoy the silent treatment if they're going to be, if they're
• 13:28
  going to be a damn baby and say, you know what, you did real give
• 13:33
  me sob treatment. Enjoy the sob treatment right
• 13:34
  there. The last but not least, this is
• 13:37
  about the tone right here. Y'all, Why are you yelling and
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  you're not even yelling like when they're losing an argument,
• 13:45
  when it when you when you're trying to hold them accountable,
• 13:47
  they'll start focusing on your tone.
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  Why are you yelling at me? What is that tone?
• 13:52
  Why are you talking to me like that?
• 13:55
  Why? Why you talking down to me?
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  They'll start to focus on your tone because that's all they
• 13:59
  have. When they run out of everything
• 14:01
  else, they'll start to literally try to focus on your tone
• 14:04
  because they're out of everything else.
• 14:06
  They they're they're they're the cup has run it empty in this
• 14:09
  situation right here, So they're trying to focus on anything
• 14:11
  else. They they're grasping at straws
• 14:13
  here and then when they start grasping at straws, they run out
• 14:16
  of stuff right there. Y'all then why you yelling?
• 14:18
  They start focusing on your toe and you don't have a toe because
• 14:20
  then you'll say I don't have a toe, I'm not yelling.
• 14:23
  Yes you are. You see you don't even know
• 14:24
  you're yelling at me. You see how that's deflective
• 14:26
  and that can mess you up right there in your head.
• 14:28
  Not necessarily in your head, but how they can just get into
• 14:30
  your head right there and make you feel like you've done
• 14:32
  something wrong. Start questioning yourself and
• 14:34
  they can just flip the argument onto you.
• 14:37
  Anyway, y'all hope y'all thank y'all for riding with me to the
• 14:39
  end. I know this video ran all along
• 14:40
  with it. I normally like to have a run
• 14:42
  on. If I missed any statements that
• 14:44
  you hear from your narcissistic toxic partner, drop it in the
• 14:46
  comment section. Drop in the comment section.
• 14:48
  I might do a Part 2 later on. I can't do them back-to-back
• 14:51
  nowadays, right? Hit the subscribe button if you
• 14:54
  haven't, y'all. Everything about me, my
• 14:55
  coaching, my courses, my video series about healing for
• 14:59
  narcissistic abuse, everything is available at
• 15:01
  mentalillness.net. It's in the description of every
• 15:04
  podcast and every video. I do Thank you, thank thank you
• 15:07
  and my peace. Before you leave make sure to
• 15:11
  hit that subscribe button if you haven't.
• 15:12
  It just helps us reach more people.
• 15:14
  Also everything I have is available at mentalillness.net.
• 15:18
  My coaching, my courses. I have a couple of courses that
• 15:21
  can help you understand and help you heal and also have a support
• 15:24
  group all available at mentalillness.net.
• 15:26
  Check my site off everything y'all and I will see y'all
• 15:28
  later. Peace.