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How to survive Thanksgiving with a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful folks?
• 0:02
  Today we're going to be talking about surviving Thanksgiving and
• 0:06
  the holiday season, primarily Thanksgiving with a narcissist
• 0:09
  or a toxic person. If you're new here, my name is
• 0:11
  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
• 0:13
  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
• 0:32
  Boo. Welcome back, folks.
• 0:34
  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Yes, that's the question of the day, the question of the hour,
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  even. How, Like Lee, how the hell do I
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  survive Thanksgiving with a narcissist or toxic person?
• 0:45
  How do I prepare for this, this trying time, with this abusive,
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  neglectful beep? How before we hop into today's
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  episode, y'all, I have to tell you that we are hosting a live
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  workshop Tuesday, November 26th about how to survive these
• 1:02
  relationships with the narcissist.
• 1:03
  Preparing all, all the other stuff.
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  I'm going to talk about it in this video.
• 1:06
  We're going to go into greater detail in that relationship and
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  you're, you're going to get the, the perspective of a survivor as
• 1:12
  well. Mental illness.net/events get
• 1:16
  registered for that. But yeah, yeah, yes.
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  Narcissistic people, toxic people.
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  Well, absolutely ruin the holidays.
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  We already know. Yeah, that's that's something
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  that you can anticipate. So if you can prepare for it,
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  like if this is not your first rodeo, this is not your first
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  holiday. You know it's going to happen.
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  It's happened every year. What are you telling yourself in
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  your head that makes you think this year is going to be
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  different? Well, I've been praying at your
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  heart. What are you telling yourself in
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  your mind right now that makes you think that this year is
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  going to be different for some reason?
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  What are you telling yourself? Because isn't, isn't the reason
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  I ask is because it's important. The first thing you want to do
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  is tell yourself the truth about what's going on, about who
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  you're dealing with, about the problem at hand, this person,
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  these people. Because it might not just be one
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  person, it might be an entire family dynamic that you have to
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  battle and deal with during this season.
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  So what on earth right now are you telling yourself?
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  What on earth right now are you, are we, are you convincing
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  yourself is going to be different right now, right?
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  Like seriously, what are you telling yourself right now in
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  this moment that makes you think this year is going to be
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  different? Tell yourself the truth.
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  They're not going to be different, but things can be
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  different because I am prepared. That's the truth right there.
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  Things can be different because I am prepared.
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  They're not going to be different.
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  They're going to be exactly who I expect them to be, no matter
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  how many promises they made. I'm going to be better this
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  year, babe. Watch me.
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  Watch Fingers crossed, Scouts, honor.
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  Look, fingers all crossed. The fingers not they, they
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  fingers are not. This is not fingers crossed,
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  y'all? This is fingers seized their
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  fingers. This is a seized.
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  They're seized. There's a seizure.
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  You know what I'm saying? It's seize your fingers and
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  whatnot, not spirit fingers or seize your fingers, but think
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  about it right there. Y'all think about that
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  perspective right there like this person is not going to
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  change. This is who you're going to be
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  dealing with. This is who they are.
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  This is what you can expect. It really, really is like so you
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  can be you can prepare. You know, they're going to look.
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  You know the car ride over there is going to be hell.
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  They're going to be silent, they'll be arguing, they're
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  going to be fussing, they're going to be fighting.
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  We're not we're not doing it this year.
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  We're not doing it this year. Like, look, you can look, and I
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  don't know if you can't escape this person, if you have to deal
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  with this person, you're damned if you do and you're damned if
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  you don't, right? Damned if you do, damned if you
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  don't. You already know that.
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  So pick the damned that you can live with.
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  Like you either going to go over there to your family's house and
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  be screamed at, yelled at, fussed at, cussed at on the way
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  over there, or you going to leave their asses at home and we
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  just deal with it later. You see what I'm saying?
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  Look, you don't have to take my advice.
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  I promise you don't. We're going to go into more
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  detail about this during the workshop or whatever, but you
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  don't have to. You don't have to bring them,
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  you know what I'm saying? You don't have to bring them.
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  Or if you do decide to bring them, if you get don't have a
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  choice but to bring them, just understand, look, try not to
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  take the insults or whatever they say personally because you
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  know, it's just a projection. They have some type of holiday
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  trauma. They are weird around the
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  holidays. They don't like the holidays
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  because there's so much emotions, so many emotions, so
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  much love, so much, so much affection going around.
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  They can't handle it. It's it's an emotional system
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  overload. They might have seasonal holiday
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  depression and they're taking their anger out on you because
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  they're depressed. You know this.
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  Try not to take it personally. You're a horrible mom.
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  You're a terrible dad. You never did this.
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  And you're like, yeah, yes, that's amazing.
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  Yes, you got that right. Yeah.
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  Yes. Yes, ma'am.
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  Yes, Sir. You, you are just on it.
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  You know what they're going to say, y'all?
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  What new are they going to do? Unless they bring in a new
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  supply to your mama's Christmas house?
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  What? What new are they going to do
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  that you are not? That you are not anticipating
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  them doing What's something new right now?
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  You know them. If you've had any experience
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  with them for any period of time, you already know what
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  you're going to deal with. Well, Lee, the narcissist of my
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  life is not my partner. It's my family.
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  I have to go home for Thanksgiving.
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  I have to do this. You don't?
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  Yeah. You don't have to go home for if
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  you don't feel welcome in that household.
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  You're an adult now. You don't have to take your ass
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  over there. They look, they don't deserve
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  your presence. They try to make you feel like
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  you're unworthy to come in their house.
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  Unless you say this and do that and tolerate something.
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  Hell no. Look, mom, look, I love y'all
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  and I would love to come to Thanksgiving this year, but can
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  we please not bring this up? Can we please not talk about
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  this old relationship? Can we please not talk about
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  high school or my first husband or my first wife?
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  Can we please not talk about this?
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  It makes me uncomfortable. It makes everybody
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  uncomfortable. Can we please not talk about
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  this? Like if you like, say, if you
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  can agree to that, I will come. If not, I'm just going to wish
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  you a Merry Christmas or a Happy New Year or a Happy
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  Thanksgiving. I'm going to stay here with my
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  with my friends and family. I'm going to go celebrate
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  elsewhere and if you do, if you do it while I'm there, I'm just
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  going to get up and politely leave.
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  I love you, I respect you. I just need you to respect me.
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  If they can't do that, they don't deserve you.
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  If they can't respect you, they don't deserve you.
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  This holiday season, I got to park my fridge, but fuck that.
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  This holiday season, we're not dealing with that.
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  This y'all we've been dealing with too long.
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  You've been dealing with it too long.
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  It's too you tire this year right here.
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  This time of the year should be joyful for you.
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  You should be experiencing joy, love, care and affection, not
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  the opposite. Because you got the thief of
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  joy. You got the Grinch that you got.
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  You got the you got the multi purpose Grinch.
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  You got the Grinch that stole Halloween, Christmas, New
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  Year's, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, your birthday.
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  They just the full they are they a full time Grinch that's full
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  time Grinch, part time partner, part time parent that's full
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  time Grinch. I'm in the movie The Grinch with
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  Jim Carrey. You mean that's their full time
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  Grinching. So that's what we're not doing
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  this year. We're not tolerating that full
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  time Grinch BS. No, you have to stand up for
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  yourself. And like I said, you know what
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  they're going to do. Yeah.
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  If you're in a physically abusive relationship, y'all,
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  please. This I, I rarely, I, I, I try
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  not to tell people to leave no more, y'all, because I know it
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  has to be your choice. It has to be your choice whether
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  to leave or not. But if you're in a physically
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  abusive relationship, it might be time to go.
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  Because if you if you feel like you have to act or behave
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  accordingly, or you can get your ass beat or slapped or hit or
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  choked out or something like that, then this season might be
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  time to go. Because sooner or later, sooner
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  or later, this might be your last Christmas or last holiday
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  season anyway, because they're going to send you to meet your
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  maker. You know they're going to send
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  you to meet your maker. And you don't want that.
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  You know what I mean? I know you're tired.
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  I know you're exhausted. I know.
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  Yeah, I know this stuff. I know it.
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  I really do know it. They turn your parents against
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  you. I know it.
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  You're tired. You're exhausted.
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  So now we prepare. You got to.
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  You already know what they're going to do.
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  You already. You've had years of this.
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  Make a backup plan for yourself. You see what I'm saying?
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  You have to make a backup plan. If if people make you
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  uncomfortable, you don't have to go over there.
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  If people just make you uncomfortable or don't
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  appreciate your presence or just make it seem like you're a
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  burden, your existence is a burden to them.
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  Go where you are appreciated, not where you're tolerated.
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  Go where people celebrate you, not tolerate you.
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  Oh God, here come Lee. Oh God, here comes Lee.
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  Those two different experience. There's a two different
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  expressions right there. Same words.
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  It's expressed different differently.
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  Which one would you rather be around?
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  And don't take my name out and put your name here.
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  Oh, God, here comes Lee. That one or this one.
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  Oh, shit. Go ahead.
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  Like Lee, Lee. Lee here.
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  Lee's here. Oh, oh, God.
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  Here goes Lee. Or that one.
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  Which one would you want right there?
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  I I don't know. The second one.
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  Maybe the second one. It got me hype sanded to myself.
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  The second one made me hype sanded out loud to myself.
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  And I'm talking about myself. You know me, you've got to win
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  yo. This is the holiday season.
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  When you win, when you take back your power, you like you know if
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  they try to break up with you before every holiday season you
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  already know it's coming. I'm break.
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  They start these BS arguments before Thanksgiving so they have
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  an excuse not to go. Cool.
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  You didn't want them to go anyway.
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  I'm not going to your parents house because you acting like
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  this. Cool.
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  I can't believe you left without me.
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  Blocked. No, do not disturb.
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  No, no, of course be careful, use discretion.
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  But no, hell no. They start these arguments right
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  before the holidays, right before we supposed to travel.
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  They start these arguments on the way.
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  They start the arguments on the way back.
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  They give the solid treatment they did, reacting like little
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  spoiled little fucking brats. Hell no, no, leave the brats
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  where they say let them. Let them pound the ground and
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  kick their feet in the air like a whiny ass baby.
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  I thought I didn't get you anything for Christmas because
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  you didn't know how to act right.
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  I knew you just say you didn't want to give me nothing for
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  Christmas. You do this every year.
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  I didn't expect nothing from you but killed it.
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  Kill them. I'm not giving you anything for
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  Christmas because look how you're behaving.
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  I didn't expect anything anyway. But thank, you know, Thanks for
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  thanks. Thanks.
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  Thank you for letting me know we're killing them with
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  boundaries. Fuck kindness, everybody.
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  Like we got to kill them with kindness.
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  No, we're not doing. We're not killing them with
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  kindness. No more killing them with
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  boundaries. Kill them with self love.
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  Kill them with self compassion. That's what we're killing them
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  with now. We're not killing them with like
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  this BS and the kindness. Be kind.
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  Be gentleness. No being.
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  They take advantage of your kindness and your gentleness.
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  They take advantage of your empathy.
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  They weaponize it against you. They use it against you.
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  Hell no, We're not doing it. Yeah.
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  We're not doing it in MO. We're not doing it in MO.
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  We really are not. Hell no.
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  This is your year. They if they break it with you
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  every year before Halloween, make this the last breakup.
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  Every year before Thanksgiving, make this the last breakup.
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  Every year before Christmas or New Year's, make this the last
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  breakup. They always ghost you around New
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  Year's so you don't have anybody to kiss or hug to bring the New
• 11:00
  Year's in. We end with make this the last
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  time you like your new your New Year's resolution is to leave
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  that. Leave that scummy lime
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  manipulative bastard in the past.
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  Leave them. Leave them in 2024.
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  That's what we're doing. We're leaving them in the 24,
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  we're not accepting them back into our lives.
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  We're not doing this BS. We're not doing that.
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  No, hell no. We're empowering ourselves to be
• 11:22
  strong and to live the best life we possibly can.
• 11:26
  Anyways, y'all, thank you for tuning in that workshop that
• 11:28
  goes into greater detail. It's on Tuesday, November 26th
• 11:32
  from 11 from 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM Eastern Standard Time.
• 11:35
  There will be replays sent out if you can't attend the live
• 11:37
  workshop. We will be we will have we will
• 11:40
  record it and we will have it posted up later on on one of our
• 11:44
  sites or whatever. You can possibly check that out
• 11:47
  or buy it. You know, whatever the people
• 11:48
  who attend live will get a question and answer, but people
• 11:51
  you know, the replay is still be good anyway job subscribe to the
• 11:54
  channel if you already have it have happy Thanksgiving.
• 11:56
  This year is our year. This year is your year.
• 11:58
  Go get it. I'm out.
• 12:02
  Peace what's going on? Beautiful folks.
• 12:05
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 12:07
  I truly appreciate it. You have no idea.
• 12:09
  If you haven't already, hit that subscribe button.
• 12:12
  You made it this far, you might as well subscribe.
• 12:15
  It really does help the channel out y'all.
• 12:17
  It helps me reach more people as well.
• 12:18
  Also, I have coaching, my courses and my support group
• 12:21
  available at www.mentalillness.net.
• 12:25
  Thank you so much. Make sure you stick around,
• 12:26
  watch another video or two. I appreciate it.
• 12:29
  I'm out.