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Rewriting the Stories That Keep You Trapped · Fierce Encouragement

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's not just the roar of one line, but it feels like the whole damn jungle is roaring at you the grief, the shame, the bills, the social media, the doom scrolling, the addictions, the regrets.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: And in that noise there's a part of you call it part X that doesn't just want to slow you down, it wants you to stop permanently.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: And I've been there and I'm in it right now, and I'm not going to give you some polished five-step hack or plan to fix it.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: What I will talk to you about today is a way to work in the dark, because sometimes there is no sunlight.
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: There is no Instagram quote to make it feel better.
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: There's just you, your breath, your story and the fight of your life.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Fierce Encouragement.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: This space is where we drop our masks, we tell the truth and we face those parts of ourselves that would rather keep us small.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: It isn't about motivational wallpaper or stuff like that.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: It's about that real work, the kind that we do in the dark, when no one's watching and when it feels like that whole jungle is roaring at us.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: My name is Mark Walker.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: I'm a certified life coach, I'm a lifelong student of awareness and meditation and I'm someone who knows what it's like to wrestle with that part of you that wants to quit every day.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: And here we trade easy answers for honest conversations, because encouragement isn't soft, it's fierce.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Thanks for tuning in today, and I just wanted to start with the truth in the room.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: Here's where I'm at.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: I'm a couple weeks into my sobriety and really recommitting to life without alcohol.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: There's some sharp pain in my belly when I've been eating I need to continue to watch that and my bank account is almost zero.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: One of my closer friends right now is in hospice care and helping him and connecting with him and supporting him.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: Well, that's the truth.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: It's hard to see him go through it and it's also really emotional, not just for me, but seeing what he's going through with his daughter and his family and, of course, his own journey.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: My dad died of brain cancer about three years ago after about a three-year stint of going through treatments.
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: The real truth around all of this is well, there's days when I just don't want to be here Now.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: I'm not strong enough or maybe not wise enough to go jump off a cliff, but these thoughts of escaping my own life creeps in quite often.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: I've had the privilege of meeting Sue Saylor and she sent me a copy of her newer book, small Steps, big Winds, and she had and I'm almost done with the book, but she had a great part of the book that really spoke to me in her own journey and she wrote about her own suicidal ideation and it was something that kind of a moment that spoke to me in her book was that it wasn't about wanting to die, it was more about not wanting to live the life that she was in.
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: And that landed like a punch for me because I considered it and that's exactly it for me as well.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: Sometimes we're not trying to end our life, but we just want out of the one that we find ourselves in.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: And I think this is where part X comes in Again.
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: Part X is that hidden quiet, that hidden quiet, in-the-dark part of us that wants to destroy us.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Barry Michaels, one of the authors of the Tools, which is another great book.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: He calls it the part of you that doesn't want you to know it's there.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: It's that saboteur that sabotage part of us that thrives and lives in the dark.
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: Steven Pressfield, another great author, puts it this way, quote resistance will tell you anything to keep you from doing your work, it will pervert the truth, it will falsify Resistance, will pervade your life.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Unquote the work that works.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: I mean here's the work that's helping me right now and I guess I'm reaching out and challenging you right now to try it, and it is from Sue's book.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Try it, and it is from Sue's book.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: She calls it story work that she did with her coach, austin.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: So the first step is this Write down your story.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: Write down that story that's on repeat about your own money struggles or your own relationship struggles.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's the story around your self-worth.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's the way you talk to yourself when you pay close attention.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: Maybe it's in a negative tone, but whatever it's been, it's running the show in your head.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: That is your story.
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: So we pause and take a few minutes and write down that story around that biggest difficulty in our life.
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: The second step is to reread that story at about 80% speed, not flying through it, but just slowing down and really making an effort to get to that 80% or so speed.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: The third step is to read it again, but this time very slowly.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: We want you to breathe at every comma.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: We want you to take a big pause at every period.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: And then the step four, as you read it in step three.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: I want you to read it and feel your body.
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: Sue really does a good job of explaining this in the book.
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: But as you breathe at every comma and pause at every period, feel what's coming up in your body as you work through that story.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Notice what might be coming up in your chest, notice that feeling in your stomach or in your shoulders.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: And, of course, that last step is to repeat this.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: Repeat this a few times, if need be, maybe pause and put it away for the next day, but repeat this story, work.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: Let the words really hit you differently each time.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: And I think about my own story about money and lack, and it might be the deepest one I need to rewrite now.
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: It's the one that says I'm incapable of growing a business on my own, and that's a lie that Part X loves to tell me.
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: And when I feel it in my body, when you feel it in your body, not just in your head with thoughts when we feel it in our physical body, we can start to see the roots.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: Dr Gabor Mate talks about this in the Myth of Normal and he said quote Trauma is not what happens to you, trauma is what happens inside of you as a result of what happens to you, unquote.
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: That's why we can't just think our way out or plan our way out or grind through another day.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: We have to slow down and feel our way out.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: We have to work from that darkness that Part X is in and literally feel our way along, see how our body is reacting to those stories we have.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: This story work is a very, very powerful tool.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: So check it out again, rewind this and listen to how you can work through your own stories and really make progress in your own body work but also in that energy that you have around those stories.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: You're saying to yourself Fierce encouragement in the dark.
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: Well, this is what I've learned after thousands of hours on the meditation cushion and going to many, many meditation retreats you cannot trust every thought you have.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: Psychologists tell us that we have a cognitive bias to believe ourselves or to kind of trick ourselves into believing what's going on, and it is kind of scary when we consider how much our thoughts are distorted of ourself especially.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: It's scary because, well, we believe our thinking should be driving the car right, it should be moving us towards things that we want in life, but sometimes they might swerve right, they might even crash the car and try to take us out.
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: The shadow work, or the shadow part of us, will change shape.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: It can be sad one day, angry the next.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: It can change color, but a shadow needs light in order to be a shadow.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: So the shadow work is not totally in the dark like it might be with Part X.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: Part X will hide in the dark.
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: It doesn't want you to have a relationship with it or with your shadow.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: It doesn't even want you to know it's there.
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: And that's the hardest part for me.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: I can talk about Part X, but it is big work to like stare right at it and find out what's really going on.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: It's really quiet and dark.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: But I think fierce encouragement here.
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: It isn't motivational fluff, bs, it isn't just another podcast to listen to.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: It's the willingness to keep showing up for yourself when you'd rather disappear.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: So this is the recommitment I'm making to myself Keep making the calls, keep having the conversations, keep telling the truth with bravery and honesty and keep doing the work.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: And I want you to recommit to all of that.
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: Make that call to yourself, show up for your conversations, keep telling the truth to yourself and keep digging deep and doing the work.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: Because even when the bank account is low or even when you're struggling in a relationship or having difficult conversations struggling in a relationship or having difficult conversations even when the whole jungle is roaring at us we can still move into that story work.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: We can still slow down and encourage ourselves, not with that voice that is always distracting us with pleasures or chasing comforts, but it's about going deeper.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: We want the things we want in life because we're attracted to being better people, better parents, better workers, living a good life.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: But I'd love for you to try this story work out.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: But I'd love for you to try this story work out.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: I'll put a link to Sue's book in the show notes.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: Check out her book.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: She's a great person.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: It was a great book and it was a joy to connect with her two or three months ago.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: But I want to hear what shifts for you in the story work.
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: I want to hear what shifts for you in distinguishing Part X from the shadow work.
• 12:39
  Speaker 1: Please text me, dm me, reach back out.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: Don't just listen and disappear back into your day or your evening.
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: Just pick one small physical step you can take today Walk, breathe, even journaling for five minutes and doing some of that story work.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: Just pick one and remember this you're closer than you think you are, but you won't see it until you start walking forward and feeling your way in the dark yes, even in the dark.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: Thank you for spending your time with me.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: Go out and try these tools.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: Let me know how they land.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: This has been fierce encouragement.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: It's not the pretty rainbow and candy canes kind, but it's the real kind, fierce encouragement, the kind you need when the jungle just won't stop roaring, when you feel out of place.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: I'll see you out there.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: Keep going.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: I appreciate you taking your time listening to the podcast and I look forward to hearing from you.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: Okay, have a good day, have a good evening, bye-bye.