Latest / Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash / #163 Blakey Johnston on Losing His Dad, Finding Peace In The Sea And Forgetting Lunchboxes

Transcript

#163 Blakey Johnston on Losing His Dad, Finding Peace In The Sea And Forgetting Lunchboxes · Two Doting Dads with Matty J & Ash

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Matt. We like to think that we're pretty committed dads.
• 0:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're right, we are. Hang on a second. We
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: haven't broken any world records for endurance surfing, have we
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: not yet?
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Not that I know of.
• 0:11
  Speaker 3: Unless you have behind my back, I don't think I
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: have help. The man committed to the cause is Blakie Johnson,
• 0:18
  Speaker 3: who was basically born in the sea. He looks like
• 0:20
  Speaker 3: a Viking and he walks around barefoot because the man
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: is always ready to serve.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: I had a look at his socials and what I
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: love most Ash is how much he loves the outdoors,
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: not just surfing, but hiking, running, and he includes his
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: family and kids especially on all of these adventures.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: He must have some serious patients. Ah, just a trigger
• 0:41
  Speaker 3: warning for everyone. A few years ago, Blakeie lost his
• 0:43
  Speaker 3: dad to suicide. He shares about that time and the
• 0:46
  Speaker 3: healing that came after is incredibly honest.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: Which had about painting through grief, what it means to
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: be present with your kids, and how he took care
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: of himself as a dad when he was at his lowest.
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: And just a note, we will put in some information
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: into the show notes for anyone out there who is
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: experiencing issues with their mental health.
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: Now, Blakie is one of those men that I idolize
• 1:05
  Speaker 3: Matthew being an endurance surfer. Also he shreds, which is great,
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: but he is not perfect. He forgets to pack lunches.
• 1:12
  Speaker 3: Sometimes it's a bit chaotic with a couple of boys.
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: And he may have lost his kids a few times
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: at the shops. Haven't we all all right?
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: Here? It is our conversation with a SALTI Dog Viking himself,
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: Blakie Johnston.
• 1:24
  Speaker 4: Let's get into it.
• 1:40
  Speaker 5: Welcome back to three doting dads. I'm Maddie Jay, I'm
• 1:43
  Speaker 5: Ash and I'm Blakie Johnston.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: And this is a podcast all about parenting.
• 1:47
  Speaker 5: It is the good, it is.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: The bad, and the relatable.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: And Blakie, we have to say this for legal reasons.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: Ash and I don't give advice, but we would be
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: honored to hear your advice today on any subject.
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: Anything whatsoever. There's a loophole that guests are allowed to
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: They can preach whatever it is. Usually it's very good.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: So I'm actually a bit reluctant to speak to Blakey
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: because there's certain people that are a lot better than
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: the two of us.
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: You were what your life a super dad? Yes, that's
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: where we put we were chatting this morning. We're like
• 2:22
  Speaker 3: where we put Blake on the Dad's whack right at
• 2:25
  Speaker 3: the top here for just frock level and just.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: You're always out about your kids and you do it.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: We all look at them and think, oh fuck, I'd
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: love to get out there.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: You've got and you've got like a presence you come
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: in and you just it's godlike not to pass your ego.
• 2:44
  Speaker 5: Nah, we were that man. I'm just I'm just like
• 2:47
  Speaker 5: everyone else, just trying to figure it out. You know,
• 2:49
  Speaker 5: he's humble as well.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Exactly what super dad. Let's go back.
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: We start these episodes with finding out about the man,
• 2:59
  Speaker 3: the version of the man. Do you remember the worst
• 3:03
  Speaker 3: trouble you got in as a kid?
• 3:06
  Speaker 5: I stayed out of trouble was in the ocean so much,
• 3:08
  Speaker 5: you know, like of my parents. I remembers calling my
• 3:11
  Speaker 5: brother the word an eight year old shouldn't stays like
• 3:14
  Speaker 5: the only time my dad ever slapped me. Imagine having
• 3:18
  Speaker 5: five boys and just bickering over a TV remote and
• 3:21
  Speaker 5: one of them just wears off his head like after
• 3:25
  Speaker 5: work and his ass a full day, Like I mean,
• 3:27
  Speaker 5: I definitely deserved it.
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: Where were you in the five?
• 3:30
  Speaker 5: Was in the middle?
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like you man after my own heart. Matt's one
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: of five.
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: There is a there is a sister in there who
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: was the rat bag of the group. But you've got
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: four brothers and you're right in the middle. I can
• 3:43
  Speaker 3: imagine how crazy the house would have been.
• 3:46
  Speaker 5: It was pretty hectic. Yeah, And look, dad was a builder.
• 3:49
  Speaker 5: He and they did their own renovations at home. Throughout
• 3:52
  Speaker 5: all much we moved around a lot of houses and
• 3:55
  Speaker 5: it was always hectic. My oldest brothers eight years older,
• 3:57
  Speaker 5: my youngest brother's six years younger, so there's like a
• 3:59
  Speaker 5: thirty your age gaps. So I was right in the
• 4:01
  Speaker 5: middle of my big brothers peeking on me, bashing me,
• 4:04
  Speaker 5: looking after me. And then my little brother's been as
• 4:07
  Speaker 5: tall as me when I was six or seven. And
• 4:09
  Speaker 5: there was always something going on.
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: And you always lived in Cronola. Tell us what Cronola
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: means to you?
• 4:15
  Speaker 5: Everything to me, I swear my grandparents moved to before
• 4:18
  Speaker 5: my dad was born, and he grew up and was,
• 4:22
  Speaker 5: you know, a real respected surfer and part of the
• 4:25
  Speaker 5: community when he was younger, and it's where I've grown
• 4:27
  Speaker 5: up my wife grew up. She went to school in
• 4:29
  Speaker 5: the city. I didn't even meet her till I was
• 4:31
  Speaker 5: like twenty twenty one, but her and her family have
• 4:33
  Speaker 5: grown up in the area and I just absolutely love it,
• 4:37
  Speaker 5: you know.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: So before I talk about your wife, I do want
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: to ask growing up with the little boys in the house,
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: I have vivid memories. There's one scenario where I was
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: wrestling my brother. I decided to wrestle him with a
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: bag over his head and he ran through the wall
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: and it was like, fuck, we got to try and
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: fix this before Dad comes home. We were just constantly
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: breaking things. Was it similar to you guys that were
• 4:59
  Speaker 2: you know, there's a lot of testosterone with things off
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: and breaking.
• 5:03
  Speaker 5: Yeah, there was. But Dad would always be there to
• 5:07
  Speaker 5: fix it when he got home to work. And he
• 5:09
  Speaker 5: was mellow too, Like we never my mum would say
• 5:13
  Speaker 5: wait till Dad gets home, and we'd be like sweet.
• 5:17
  Speaker 5: It was the crusiest gentle, you know. He's a big
• 5:19
  Speaker 5: six six two and solid and so not like me.
• 5:24
  Speaker 5: But he was a real placid soul, you know, it
• 5:27
  Speaker 5: was it was he was calm to my madness.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: He was quite a good surfer too. Is he your
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: biggest influence you think.
• 5:33
  Speaker 5: I think him and my older brothers. I just wanted
• 5:35
  Speaker 5: to hang out with them, you know. I was hanging
• 5:37
  Speaker 5: out with the little brothers at home and going to
• 5:38
  Speaker 5: primary school, and they were all sponsored and surfing the dad.
• 5:41
  Speaker 5: When Dad got that spare time between his busy schedule,
• 5:45
  Speaker 5: and it got me time with dad. Because he works
• 5:47
  Speaker 5: so much, it was just an extra time. I just
• 5:49
  Speaker 5: wanted to be around him, and surfing was a way
• 5:51
  Speaker 5: to do that. And then as soon as I put
• 5:53
  Speaker 5: the ball on my head and went over the heill,
• 5:54
  Speaker 5: I was like freedom.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: Yeah right.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: And you mentioned your wife before. Do you remember where
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: you were when the two of you first met?
• 6:02
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I do. I saw her once at a party
• 6:06
  Speaker 5: about three weeks before I actually was introduced to her,
• 6:09
  Speaker 5: and she was dressed up. I don't know, she was
• 6:10
  Speaker 5: dressed up. She looked really cute. I remember saying, man,
• 6:12
  Speaker 5: she's she's gorgeous. And then we had a boxing day
• 6:16
  Speaker 5: bash we feel the mates had a little muck around
• 6:18
  Speaker 5: surfing camp and she came down with a bunch of
• 6:21
  Speaker 5: her friends and was there. She was again I'm like,
• 6:23
  Speaker 5: she's cool, she's cute, And from that day, obviously I
• 6:26
  Speaker 5: didn't make much of an impression, because all I remember
• 6:28
  Speaker 5: learning was that she said, why that dude got a
• 6:31
  Speaker 5: tattoo of a girl in his back? Can't of get one?
• 6:35
  Speaker 5: I was like, eighteen, got my second tatoo, thought I
• 6:37
  Speaker 5: was pretty cool.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: Who was the girl in the back?
• 6:39
  Speaker 5: It was just a pin up girl that I thought
• 6:40
  Speaker 5: was cool. I was like, eighteen, Yeah, it's just my shoulder.
• 6:44
  Speaker 5: I love this.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: It's funny when you're like age and you get the
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: worst tatoos.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, I wanted to say I love the tattoo.
• 6:54
  Speaker 5: Like what happened after that? And then like a week
• 7:00
  Speaker 5: later on news, we've had a friend's gathering for that,
• 7:04
  Speaker 5: and that happened to be a birthday, and I just,
• 7:07
  Speaker 5: like a seven year old, I don't. I never liked
• 7:10
  Speaker 5: the taste of beer. I've never. That's probably why. Like
• 7:12
  Speaker 5: when I was younger, I got drunk early and went
• 7:15
  Speaker 5: home and you probably missed it on some sick nights.
• 7:17
  Speaker 5: But I'd never like the taste of beer. So I'd
• 7:19
  Speaker 5: scullt and you be sending myself home at ten o'clock.
• 7:21
  Speaker 5: Well the mates to go out in the town or whatever.
• 7:23
  Speaker 5: But so I had like a six pack of cruises,
• 7:26
  Speaker 5: probably probably a watermelon flavor. And I said to my
• 7:31
  Speaker 5: Guama said to my mate, take give that to Prayers.
• 7:37
  Speaker 5: That's her last name. Give that to present say tell her.
• 7:40
  Speaker 5: I said hi, and he did it, and then she
• 7:41
  Speaker 5: came over and it was her birthday and she wanted
• 7:43
  Speaker 5: to come over and chat and said, you know, she
• 7:45
  Speaker 5: saw me the other day and that was where we
• 7:47
  Speaker 5: first met and hung out for the next six months
• 7:49
  Speaker 5: before we officially went out.
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like your cruises there you go, that's that pretty
• 7:53
  Speaker 3: easy at they'd be bringing people together. I mean, you've
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: got an incredible journey in surfing, You've based your whole
• 8:03
  Speaker 3: life around it.
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: You were you competing when you met your wife.
• 8:07
  Speaker 5: I was sort of at crossroads like I was. You know,
• 8:09
  Speaker 5: it wasn't close to qualifying for the World Tour. I
• 8:12
  Speaker 5: was still getting paid a little bit, and I was
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: starting to work at the surf shop and had an idea,
• 8:18
  Speaker 5: said on a surf school because it ran alongside the
• 8:20
  Speaker 5: surf shop I was working in, And I thought, I
• 8:23
  Speaker 5: just I don't want to be stuck on a building
• 8:25
  Speaker 5: site with dad and laboring and doing a trade. I
• 8:28
  Speaker 5: want to be with people out in nature and I
• 8:31
  Speaker 5: love people, and I loved obviously love surfing. You know,
• 8:33
  Speaker 5: I wasn't sure who, you know, where my direction was
• 8:36
  Speaker 5: going to end up because I'd been paid to surf
• 8:39
  Speaker 5: since I was fourteen, left school early and did quite well,
• 8:42
  Speaker 5: you know, but I was at that time was a
• 8:44
  Speaker 5: pretty I guess I was a bit of an identity
• 8:47
  Speaker 5: CRISI at that point, you know, just go, I'm not
• 8:49
  Speaker 5: a pro surfer anymore. That's what I've always been. Where
• 8:51
  Speaker 5: do I head now? You know? But then, yeah, the
• 8:53
  Speaker 5: surf school I came up.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: You purchased a whole lot.
• 8:56
  Speaker 5: Yeah. And then the owner, Dog Marshall, was a pro
• 8:58
  Speaker 5: surf as well, a bit of a mentor of mine.
• 9:00
  Speaker 5: When he moved to France with his wife. It was
• 9:01
  Speaker 5: from there. And then he later goes, I'm want to
• 9:03
  Speaker 5: sell it, and so I bought the other half of him.
• 9:05
  Speaker 5: And that was twenty years ago.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: I imagine with the surf school, you would have dealt
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: with a lot of younger kids. Did that help or
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: hinder your appetite to have a family.
• 9:14
  Speaker 5: No, I've always wanted to, always wanted a big family,
• 9:17
  Speaker 5: coming from a I had an epic childhood, like as
• 9:19
  Speaker 5: hard as it would have been for Mum and dad
• 9:21
  Speaker 5: and as much. You know, we didn't have a lot
• 9:23
  Speaker 5: of money at all. We never went on holidays, but
• 9:25
  Speaker 5: we always had nice clothes and the toys we wanted
• 9:28
  Speaker 5: was if we needed money for a surfboard, somehow to
• 9:31
  Speaker 5: come up and we'd all have our boards and stuff.
• 9:32
  Speaker 5: We were well looked after. Our parents put us first
• 9:35
  Speaker 5: and I've ever in debt for them for that. You know,
• 9:38
  Speaker 5: I would change a thing about my childhood. Obviously, you
• 9:41
  Speaker 5: learn a lot as you go older, and and this
• 9:44
  Speaker 5: is not the plug it, but you know, I've got
• 9:45
  Speaker 5: a book coming out and that that process has really
• 9:47
  Speaker 5: made me go back and evaluate. And the biggest lesson
• 9:51
  Speaker 5: in self discovery was actually analyzing my childhood and my
• 9:53
  Speaker 5: relationships and everything and who I am who I am,
• 9:56
  Speaker 5: And yeah, there's a lot to take.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: Away from I imagine though, when you value what you
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: do being outdoors, being so active, did the thought of
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: it end to your mind of like, well, if I
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: have a family, that can take away from being able.
• 10:12
  Speaker 5: To do all the things that I love. No, never, No,
• 10:17
  Speaker 5: I wanted to give them the life that I had,
• 10:20
  Speaker 5: you know, I wanted to make sure that they if
• 10:22
  Speaker 5: I was bringing someone in the well that they got
• 10:23
  Speaker 5: to experience in a special life, and because I've always
• 10:27
  Speaker 5: been grateful for it, you know, like I've always been
• 10:29
  Speaker 5: super appreciative of the opportunities I've got, maybe because I've
• 10:32
  Speaker 5: come from a big family and had to fight for
• 10:34
  Speaker 5: a lot when I was a grown but I was
• 10:36
  Speaker 5: always kept in check because of my two older brothers. Yeah,
• 10:39
  Speaker 5: keeping my head from getting too big.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: And I see that when I got to surf with
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: you and Bobby, your elders, and you could see that
• 10:46
  Speaker 3: you were just like mates and you were enjoying the
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: moment together. I sat there with you for five hours,
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: and that whole five hour time, you were just feeding
• 10:56
  Speaker 3: off each other.
• 10:57
  Speaker 5: Yeah. But that's something that I sort of learned over
• 11:00
  Speaker 5: the years, you know what I mean, through my own
• 11:03
  Speaker 5: I had it, on the use cliche turmsble my own journey,
• 11:05
  Speaker 5: a sort of self discovery where like you become more
• 11:08
  Speaker 5: empathetic with yourself and you learn that you know, everyone's
• 11:12
  Speaker 5: just trying to figure it out. So the kids, you know,
• 11:15
  Speaker 5: we instruct them, we coach them, we teach them, and
• 11:18
  Speaker 5: we tell them to do everything, but we don't experience
• 11:21
  Speaker 5: life with them. And it's different how it is now
• 11:22
  Speaker 5: than it was ten, fifteen, twenty thirty years ago, you know.
• 11:25
  Speaker 5: So I think it's important about embracing what they're going
• 11:28
  Speaker 5: through and being empathetic to their journey to yours as well.
• 11:31
  Speaker 5: And that seems to what helps me with my relationship
• 11:34
  Speaker 5: with my kids.
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: And yeah, so when you first had Bobby and did
• 11:37
  Speaker 3: he just come along with you immediately on all the
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: you know, you have surf camps and surf sessions and yeah.
• 11:44
  Speaker 5: Like, I'm definitely far from a millionaire, but I've got
• 11:47
  Speaker 5: I feel like I'm the luckiest, richest personal life. I've
• 11:50
  Speaker 5: got to be down the beach for a job, even
• 11:52
  Speaker 5: though that can be really training with the weather and
• 11:54
  Speaker 5: running a small business, but doing serve retreats overseas, and
• 11:58
  Speaker 5: the purpose of that is so my wife can tag
• 12:00
  Speaker 5: into a week at the end, you know, you know
• 12:01
  Speaker 5: what I mean, and Bobby can come along. And it's
• 12:05
  Speaker 5: it's just that lifestyle and experience that I think we remember,
• 12:07
  Speaker 5: and I think that that's what it's all about, right,
• 12:11
  Speaker 5: What we feel, our emotions and stuff are based on
• 12:13
  Speaker 5: the experiences that we have. That's what we left over with.
• 12:15
  Speaker 5: Once we do something cool or fun, are exciting.
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: It's for sure.
• 12:18
  Speaker 5: It's not the shiny gift or the car or the house.
• 12:20
  Speaker 5: It's like what the feeling it gives us. And yeah,
• 12:22
  Speaker 5: we look in the wrong places a lot of the
• 12:24
  Speaker 5: time for where we get that.
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: I remember trying to introduce Marley, who's my eldest daughter.
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: She's now six, but I think she must have been
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: about four, and I was kind of like, she's ready
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: now to like, you know, push her on a little
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: wave on the phone, and I was like, yeah, this
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: is like this is going to be special core memory stuff.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: And I like pushed her and she kind of too
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: close to the borders, flipped up in the she's got
• 12:50
  Speaker 2: a mouthful of water up the nose. She's come up screaming,
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: and I'm like, maybe it was a bit too key.
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: We've all done that.
• 12:58
  Speaker 3: I did that with Oscar too, even when he was
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: like yeah, five or something like last summer, and I
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: was like, all right, it's time.
• 13:05
  Speaker 5: You're gonna love this.
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: Love it.
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: It's like your father and the forefathers before you all
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: did this. And it was like my old man's kind
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: of like blaky super froth. He was like his oscool
• 13:15
  Speaker 3: surfing yet like and I pushed him on tiny, little
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: same thing. Man. I think it it's a right of
• 13:23
  Speaker 3: passage really to get to noose diive at that age.
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: But I was thinking, am I doing it wrongly?
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: The right thing?
• 13:31
  Speaker 5: I think that's all I've been super aware of. Bobby's
• 13:34
  Speaker 5: only really started loving and frothing surfing in the last
• 13:37
  Speaker 5: eight months. He has gone to high school and he's
• 13:39
  Speaker 5: in that environment. All his mates are surfing, and who's
• 13:42
  Speaker 5: been hanging out with has really influenced that. And he's
• 13:44
  Speaker 5: I put him on his first wave on a phony
• 13:46
  Speaker 5: when he was eight months old. He's been down the
• 13:48
  Speaker 5: beach more more days than he hasn't. So it's just
• 13:52
  Speaker 5: like I've learned that it's it's my passion and my love.
• 13:57
  Speaker 5: And if he's got the opportunity, you know, I've exposed
• 13:59
  Speaker 5: him the ocean he's comfortable down, then if he ever
• 14:01
  Speaker 5: felt that, you know, that urge to pick up the
• 14:04
  Speaker 5: board and put some time into it and really enjoy
• 14:06
  Speaker 5: it and be a passion of his, then it's up
• 14:08
  Speaker 5: to him.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:09
  Speaker 5: And I learned that through being a coach, right through
• 14:11
  Speaker 5: being coached as a junior, seeing relationships how they plan out.
• 14:14
  Speaker 5: After twenty thirty years have been around surf evans and
• 14:17
  Speaker 5: surfing in the beach, so it's become really something that
• 14:20
  Speaker 5: I was really conscious of, just you know, making sure
• 14:24
  Speaker 5: that I was staying in my lane. Like I'm a parent,
• 14:27
  Speaker 5: and I know even at an elite level, how important
• 14:29
  Speaker 5: that role is. But it just gets blurred a lot,
• 14:31
  Speaker 5: you know, and I think that's really critical to it.
• 14:34
  Speaker 5: You want what you want your kids to like what
• 14:35
  Speaker 5: you want.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and they're going who wants to play cricket?
• 14:39
  Speaker 5: My girls have.
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: Sixty He serves so well, like for only really like
• 14:46
  Speaker 3: you said, like being that into it.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: For the last eight months he's shredding.
• 14:50
  Speaker 5: And I think that's just the exposure of him being
• 14:52
  Speaker 5: around the ocean, you know, and no expectations. When we
• 14:54
  Speaker 5: go down the beach, he wants to body He can
• 14:56
  Speaker 5: body board a body surf for his mates build castles.
• 14:58
  Speaker 5: But I guess sooner later they figure out it's pretty
• 15:01
  Speaker 5: fun out there. Man. I might grab a ball and
• 15:02
  Speaker 5: come up with dad. Yeah.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: When I think about my two girls, they are very different.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: Like one is like Laura, one is like me.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: I even look one looks like yeah different.
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: What's it like with your two boys? Are they cut
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: from the same cloth or are they opposites? They are
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: complete opposites.
• 15:18
  Speaker 5: Yeah, Bobby's like me, wears his heart on his sleeve,
• 15:21
  Speaker 5: pretty emotional.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: So I didn't see that the other day.
• 15:25
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, in the pool he did something so cool.
• 15:29
  Speaker 5: He I'm like, mate, I don't want to get angry
• 15:32
  Speaker 5: at him. It's not my place. He's one of the experience.
• 15:34
  Speaker 5: I'm like, mate, you're carrying on like this is not
• 15:37
  Speaker 5: Surfain's about. I had that conversation with about ten times.
• 15:40
  Speaker 5: And one day I was surfing one morning and he
• 15:41
  Speaker 5: missed a few ways and he's splashed the water and
• 15:45
  Speaker 5: he disappeared, and I'm like, Okay, where's he going. Hopefully
• 15:48
  Speaker 5: he's not injured his head, but the wall or whatever.
• 15:50
  Speaker 5: And he pat it back out at fifteen minutes, and I
• 15:52
  Speaker 5: guess see, Dad, I went in and I took some breaths,
• 15:55
  Speaker 5: and I took some time, and.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: I came back out smart.
• 15:58
  Speaker 5: And You're like, yes, yes, mate, Like that's so proud
• 16:02
  Speaker 5: of him for doing that. You know, to be aware
• 16:04
  Speaker 5: of how he's behaving and do that.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: So your other son, duke Duke, does he share the
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: same passion for surfing?
• 16:12
  Speaker 5: Jukey, He's always been exposed to it like Bobby, but
• 16:15
  Speaker 5: he's he loves his art. He's right into his drawing
• 16:18
  Speaker 5: and and gets we have to turn the lights off
• 16:20
  Speaker 5: at nights. They go to bed mate and go jump
• 16:22
  Speaker 5: into bed. He's still trying to draw in the dark,
• 16:24
  Speaker 5: like he's innately drawn to it. It's really really cool
• 16:27
  Speaker 5: and we encourage that, you know, like whatever he wants
• 16:30
  Speaker 5: to do. He served in the pool with us once
• 16:31
  Speaker 5: in the month and he had fun. He got pretty
• 16:34
  Speaker 5: freaking cold, but he was happy sitting in the room
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: drawing his things. But he's very different. He's he's his
• 16:40
  Speaker 5: own boss. Like he's always been the little boss baby,
• 16:43
  Speaker 5: that's what we call him when he was young. He's
• 16:44
  Speaker 5: his own little person. And if it's his way or
• 16:47
  Speaker 5: no way, and and and he's too he's slowly becoming
• 16:51
  Speaker 5: aware of things that affect him with his behavior and stuff.
• 16:54
  Speaker 5: Like he's very it's a bit more serious than Bobby.
• 16:57
  Speaker 5: Bobby's a little bit more emotional and hard on his sleeve.
• 16:59
  Speaker 5: And Duke, can you know who tell you how it is?
• 17:02
  Speaker 5: And you know, he's taught me a lot, jikey, like
• 17:05
  Speaker 5: just Bobby's a lot like me. I can kind of
• 17:08
  Speaker 5: know how he's feeling, but Jicks a bit more like Lauren,
• 17:10
  Speaker 5: a bit more, a bit more in tune with his
• 17:13
  Speaker 5: emotions and knows how he's behaving. But yeah, it's it's,
• 17:17
  Speaker 5: it's it's it's an interesting come away. It's just you
• 17:20
  Speaker 5: think he raised it the same. But it's a different
• 17:22
  Speaker 5: experience for them too. Write like, sure, a different point
• 17:25
  Speaker 5: in our lives by the time our second or the
• 17:27
  Speaker 5: kid comes along, so they're going to get a different
• 17:29
  Speaker 5: version of us as well.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: Do you have to make a conscious effort because I
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: imagine it'd be so easy to have quality time whilst
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: you're surfing doing the things that you love. Do you
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: have to kind of pay attention to do things that
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: might not be the first on your list on your
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: spare time and things too, like drawing, having that one
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: on one time with Duke.
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's that's super important. Hey, like to make sure
• 17:53
  Speaker 5: that there's not a one sided affair with the kids
• 17:56
  Speaker 5: or just giving him because I want to, you know
• 17:58
  Speaker 5: what I mean, I actually want to and interested in
• 18:00
  Speaker 5: it as well, and I love that it's something different
• 18:03
  Speaker 5: almost as well that I'm so surf, beach, ocean, nature, outdoors,
• 18:07
  Speaker 5: that it's something different, like sort of which is interesting
• 18:10
  Speaker 5: to me, you know what I mean as art? What
• 18:12
  Speaker 5: classes he can do and what he's interested in drawing,
• 18:15
  Speaker 5: and where does he get his creativity from, and like
• 18:18
  Speaker 5: all this stuff that I don't think I'm very creative
• 18:20
  Speaker 5: at all. And he's drawing these cool heads with half
• 18:23
  Speaker 5: the brain and drawing what's in their mind and the
• 18:25
  Speaker 5: things they like to do. And I'm like, where did
• 18:27
  Speaker 5: you think of this stuff? From buddy? This is beautiful,
• 18:29
  Speaker 5: you know, like the just embracing what they're good at.
• 18:32
  Speaker 5: You know.
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: So not long after talking about Bobby, not long after
• 18:37
  Speaker 3: he was born, you received some pretty devastating news. Do
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: you mind taking us back to the moment that you
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: found out about your dad?
• 18:45
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I was Bobby was about eighteen months old, and
• 18:49
  Speaker 5: I was doing a surf retreat down the South Coast
• 18:52
  Speaker 5: and we're on the way back in the car and
• 18:54
  Speaker 5: it was epic weekend. I take a lot of intermediate
• 18:58
  Speaker 5: surfers down there and do like a swell being thing.
• 19:00
  Speaker 5: We did breathwork and surfing and so it's always a
• 19:02
  Speaker 5: really good environment. And I'm coming home on the Sunday
• 19:05
  Speaker 5: afternoon and the sception was pretty bad, and my sister
• 19:08
  Speaker 5: in lawa range who didn't really ring me that often,
• 19:11
  Speaker 5: said a blake, I'm sorry, and just cut out and
• 19:14
  Speaker 5: then got to the top of mountains Well and gong
• 19:16
  Speaker 5: and she said, I'm so sorry in tears me, your
• 19:19
  Speaker 5: Dad's gone. And I kind of just felt completely sick
• 19:23
  Speaker 5: in that moment, and I kind of what's happened. Dad's gone,
• 19:27
  Speaker 5: He's passed away, still about an hour away from Mum
• 19:30
  Speaker 5: and Dad's place, like clients from the circle in the car,
• 19:35
  Speaker 5: Lauren in the car with me, and I've just you know,
• 19:38
  Speaker 5: it was a pretty much a blur, an instant, just
• 19:44
  Speaker 5: sick feeling. I don't remember much of that next hour.
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: I don't remember what happened to the clients I was driving.
• 19:49
  Speaker 5: And then I remember getting back to yeah, Mum and
• 19:54
  Speaker 5: Dad's place and just being a crime scene. I read
• 19:58
  Speaker 5: ambulance and police car scattered in the street and Mum
• 20:02
  Speaker 5: andm hysterical being being you know, looked after by the
• 20:07
  Speaker 5: paramedics and stuff on the front. My brother's in tears
• 20:09
  Speaker 5: and just gone. I knew exactly what had happened, you know,
• 20:12
  Speaker 5: Dad's that's obviously taking his own life. And then rushed through,
• 20:17
  Speaker 5: tried to rush through the doors. Just it's just a
• 20:19
  Speaker 5: total survival mode, just trying to figure out what to
• 20:22
  Speaker 5: make some sense at all. I was held back by
• 20:25
  Speaker 5: the police and my brother's already been there for an
• 20:27
  Speaker 5: hour or whatever. I'm not sure exactly what time happened,
• 20:30
  Speaker 5: and then just punched the brick walls as hard as
• 20:33
  Speaker 5: hell as I could and just, yeah, it was, it was,
• 20:37
  Speaker 5: it was. It was pretty hectic, and it was. Yeah,
• 20:41
  Speaker 5: it was. It still feels like a dream talking about it,
• 20:44
  Speaker 5: you know, and I can vividly remember it, almost feel it.
• 20:46
  Speaker 5: And just after settling down after a few moments, the
• 20:51
  Speaker 5: police obvious said do you want to you want to
• 20:52
  Speaker 5: see your dad? And I said, I want to see it,
• 20:56
  Speaker 5: and yeah, just walked through the house with the light's
• 20:59
  Speaker 5: flu and through it was quiet. Normally had thirteen grandkids
• 21:03
  Speaker 5: at that stage, you know what I mean, There's always
• 21:04
  Speaker 5: someone there when we went to visit him, so it
• 21:06
  Speaker 5: was eerially quiet and just yeah, just the lights flashing
• 21:10
  Speaker 5: through the windows as I walked around through the house
• 21:12
  Speaker 5: and around to the back of the garage and saw
• 21:14
  Speaker 5: him on the gurney, and yeah, it was definitely a
• 21:20
  Speaker 5: really a really weird feeling because it was it was
• 21:27
  Speaker 5: he was not just my dad, he was my mate.
• 21:29
  Speaker 5: It was mates to all my brothers. It was humble,
• 21:31
  Speaker 5: he was he was just the sixt It was the
• 21:33
  Speaker 5: best dad. And we hung out with him because we
• 21:36
  Speaker 5: wanted to, not because he was you know, we all
• 21:39
  Speaker 5: pop in and see him. We all had our own
• 21:40
  Speaker 5: relationship with him. And he just worked so much, you
• 21:44
  Speaker 5: know what I mean. He was in a position and
• 21:47
  Speaker 5: he just for me. It was like, this is the
• 21:50
  Speaker 5: saddest thing I've ever seen. At the time, he was
• 21:52
  Speaker 5: at rest. Someone who's worked his ass off so light,
• 21:55
  Speaker 5: so hard for so many decades, that never got quite
• 21:57
  Speaker 5: hit one fucking holiday his whole life. When I turned
• 22:00
  Speaker 5: thirty one holiday that was it was wild of what
• 22:06
  Speaker 5: he did, you know, after raising five boys that are
• 22:09
  Speaker 5: all awesome husbands and awesome, awesome dads the children, and
• 22:15
  Speaker 5: he couldn't see couldn't see the best in himself.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: And I'm so sorry you had to go through that.
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: I'm trying to imagine what it must be like in
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: those moments where it's such an emotional rollercoaster, because one
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: second you're punching the brick wall, you're so angry, but
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: then a split second, lady, you're face to face with
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: your father who's just passed away. What emotions are you
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: feeling when you get to have that final moment with him?
• 22:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah, that's there was a part of me that was
• 22:40
  Speaker 5: that felt like a sigh of relief. You know, he
• 22:43
  Speaker 5: was at rest. Paul Barco had finally you know, had
• 22:48
  Speaker 5: some horass. You look peaceful, and that was that was
• 22:50
  Speaker 5: something that It's a weird feeling. You know, that's someone
• 22:54
  Speaker 5: you love, that you would give anything for, that's done
• 22:57
  Speaker 5: everything for you and him just couldn't see the best,
• 23:00
  Speaker 5: but just could feel like he was stuck and couldn't
• 23:03
  Speaker 5: break through. And I think for him to have that
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: rest and be at peace just there was a part
• 23:08
  Speaker 5: of it that was really peaceful. I guess I don't
• 23:11
  Speaker 5: know if that makes sense. Yeah, it was just like
• 23:14
  Speaker 5: you get the rest you deserve, you know, like you just.
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: Were there any signs were there any? Was it a
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: complete surprise to you?
• 23:24
  Speaker 5: He suffered from pretty bad sleep hap here you had
• 23:26
  Speaker 5: for years as well. He's a six year old man
• 23:30
  Speaker 5: that didn't have a super secure financial situation as well.
• 23:34
  Speaker 5: You know, he'd helped us out a lot and taking
• 23:37
  Speaker 5: risk on houses throughout his life. He had a cool crack.
• 23:40
  Speaker 5: He was the hardest working man. And I'm not just
• 23:42
  Speaker 5: saying that because it was my dad. They gave it
• 23:45
  Speaker 5: a good nudge. And I think that being a dad
• 23:48
  Speaker 5: now been through what I've been through and the judgment
• 23:51
  Speaker 5: I've put on myself, imagine what he would have felt like,
• 23:53
  Speaker 5: you know. And he wasn't over extra hed like me
• 23:55
  Speaker 5: and had to talk. He was stoic. He was quiet, humble,
• 24:01
  Speaker 5: you know. And I think this because he was so
• 24:03
  Speaker 5: tired to what he did. He was so tired with
• 24:05
  Speaker 5: his job. He was a great builder, and all my
• 24:07
  Speaker 5: mates that he'd give work to loved him. All his
• 24:10
  Speaker 5: work people loved him. His family obviously adored him. And
• 24:15
  Speaker 5: he just didn't have anything outside that as well, you
• 24:17
  Speaker 5: know what I mean. He didn't have a group of mates.
• 24:19
  Speaker 5: He didn't have that other way the conversations could happen.
• 24:22
  Speaker 5: Like he was so admired by us that even if
• 24:26
  Speaker 5: he could, I don't think he could have articulated it
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: the way that he needed to know that in that
• 24:30
  Speaker 5: space that he's embarrassed about taking and he depressed a
• 24:34
  Speaker 5: medication because obviously the sleep affects his mental health and
• 24:37
  Speaker 5: then the stress of everyday life. You know, I think
• 24:40
  Speaker 5: it's a combination. It's not just one thing, you know.
• 24:43
  Speaker 5: But he was so useful, you know what I mean,
• 24:45
  Speaker 5: And the whole point of it is that he didn't
• 24:48
  Speaker 5: realize how valued he was, you know, how I valued.
• 24:51
  Speaker 5: And that's the massive thing.
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 24:52
  Speaker 5: It was two hundred and fifty people at his funeral,
• 24:54
  Speaker 5: and the guy and never went to the pub to
• 24:55
  Speaker 5: have a beer. He have a beer at home with
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: the grandkids and do his thing felt you know, on
• 25:00
  Speaker 5: that holiday he went, Yeah, he felt guilty having a
• 25:05
  Speaker 5: day nap. I'm like, man, I have a day nap. Man,
• 25:07
  Speaker 5: you haven't had a holiday in your life. You deserve
• 25:11
  Speaker 5: everything you get. You know.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: It's wild how you're going to have someone who does
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: so much for so many other people around him and
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: his network and his family, and that you're you're missing
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: out and helping the most important person, which is yourself.
• 25:24
  Speaker 5: Showing up for yourself first, sure for everyone else before him.
• 25:27
  Speaker 5: Like similar to my mum. Did you know she was
• 25:29
  Speaker 5: selfless as well? But Dad was obviously And my mom's like, man,
• 25:35
  Speaker 5: she talks a bit more and she's a bit more
• 25:36
  Speaker 5: always hard on a sleeve. So it's different with the dad.
• 25:39
  Speaker 5: He's like a couple of my other brothers are a
• 25:40
  Speaker 5: bit more quiet and more reserved in that sense, And
• 25:45
  Speaker 5: I think that's that's something that I've learned, so that
• 25:47
  Speaker 5: vulnerability doesn't just have to be about talking like like
• 25:50
  Speaker 5: I do and an expressing your feeling. He can be
• 25:52
  Speaker 5: through action too, like actually wanting to make change and
• 25:57
  Speaker 5: whatever that may look like, you know, thank you, diet,
• 25:58
  Speaker 5: starting to exercise, you know, changing jobs and doing something
• 26:01
  Speaker 5: for yourself that's looking to fulfill you. And you're putting
• 26:04
  Speaker 5: yourself first, because I think that's what drives me too.
• 26:08
  Speaker 5: Just thinking about Dad, I'm like, You've got to be
• 26:11
  Speaker 5: able to look after yourself first and have a good
• 26:13
  Speaker 5: relationship with yourself in order to show up for your
• 26:16
  Speaker 5: wife and then that from flourish for your kids and
• 26:21
  Speaker 5: everyone you care about.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: You know, prior to this happening, had you always focused
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: on mental health or was that the starting point do
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: you think for you and your journey towards advocating for it.
• 26:32
  Speaker 5: Nah, Look, this must sound strange, but like I've always
• 26:36
  Speaker 5: been a sensitive human, like always sensitive and empathetic towards others,
• 26:41
  Speaker 5: Like when I was young, and it's you don't know
• 26:43
  Speaker 5: where that sits. Man. I'm a rather and a family
• 26:46
  Speaker 5: full of boys in the shire, pursuing a career in
• 26:49
  Speaker 5: elite surfing on a Wallaware high and going, you know,
• 26:53
  Speaker 5: and you don't know where what that is, whether it's
• 26:57
  Speaker 5: is it a curse, what is it like? But you know,
• 27:01
  Speaker 5: I've learned through the life that through experience that like
• 27:04
  Speaker 5: it's actually strength, you know, and him to have that,
• 27:07
  Speaker 5: to have that sensitivity in my experience, I feel, I feel,
• 27:12
  Speaker 5: I feel everything I feel and then luck at that
• 27:15
  Speaker 5: word sensitive might not be the right way to do it.
• 27:17
  Speaker 5: But I feel people's pain and I feel my own
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: pain deeply, you know, the good and the bad, and
• 27:23
  Speaker 5: I'm just very aware of it. And so I think
• 27:26
  Speaker 5: that's where like I've always had a relationship with the kids.
• 27:28
  Speaker 5: I emphathize with them. I work with them at the
• 27:29
  Speaker 5: cur school. And you have always been a bit of
• 27:33
  Speaker 5: a feelers, you know.
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And it is a strength for sure. You've been
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: able to, you know, relate to how people are feeling
• 27:40
  Speaker 3: in a moment is a gift. Like so many people don't, don't.
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: They avoid it, you know. And I think if you
• 27:50
  Speaker 3: can lend some experience or lend an ear to someone.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: It's it's so fucking powerful.
• 27:55
  Speaker 5: Yeah, and there's not one there's not one magic peal
• 27:59
  Speaker 5: for it. Mental health and your life and your happiness
• 28:02
  Speaker 5: and your experience is accommodation of so many things and relationships,
• 28:06
  Speaker 5: your hobbies and all these things that add up to
• 28:11
  Speaker 5: you enjoying your existence. So it's yeah, I think that
• 28:17
  Speaker 5: we think so much, we get so caught up in
• 28:19
  Speaker 5: our heads and our thoughts that we forget what our
• 28:21
  Speaker 5: bodies and our experiences has gone outside. I think life's
• 28:24
  Speaker 5: meant to be should be gaged off how we feel,
• 28:27
  Speaker 5: not what we think about it.
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, when you talk about the healing process with your
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: your dad passing away, was there anything that helped you?
• 28:36
  Speaker 5: I think you've got to You've got to go through it.
• 28:38
  Speaker 5: You've got to feel the range of every emotion. I'm
• 28:40
  Speaker 5: sure did you know, anger, guilt, frustration, disappointment, everything that
• 28:45
  Speaker 5: you kind of go to the depths of with it.
• 28:47
  Speaker 5: You know, you're in that survival mode for a lot
• 28:49
  Speaker 5: of it.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: But then going through those emotions, you've got an eighteen
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: month old as well.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you're in the trenches.
• 28:57
  Speaker 5: Eighteen month old we had, we opened a surf shop
• 28:59
  Speaker 5: that closed down, and you know, life was still good,
• 29:02
  Speaker 5: like I like for me, I I was still certain
• 29:04
  Speaker 5: a bit I wasn't as healthy as I am now,
• 29:06
  Speaker 5: that's for sure. You know, I had a beautiful wife,
• 29:08
  Speaker 5: you know, another kid that was coming on the way.
• 29:10
  Speaker 5: And it's not until now that where I've made you
• 29:14
  Speaker 5: become more self aware. I made these simple changes in
• 29:17
  Speaker 5: my day to day life that I go back in
• 29:19
  Speaker 5: morem manut to. Health wasn't good. It wasn't like I
• 29:21
  Speaker 5: was there going I'm depressed, I'm anxious. I'm sure I
• 29:23
  Speaker 5: went to the doctors say oh I'm not feeling good.
• 29:25
  Speaker 5: I could feel better. There's a history of mental mental
• 29:28
  Speaker 5: illness in my family, but it's near. It's not until
• 29:32
  Speaker 5: like now I'm like, well, hey, that wasn't good mental health.
• 29:35
  Speaker 5: Ruminating on the Circol bank balance and checking it ten
• 29:38
  Speaker 5: times a day is not healthy habits. It's not normal
• 29:41
  Speaker 5: even for someone that's got you know that there is
• 29:43
  Speaker 5: feeling anxiety.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: I can't imagine it's the financial stress.
• 29:47
  Speaker 5: And I just like I've always had a bit of
• 29:49
  Speaker 5: like a chip on my shoulder about Lauren just being
• 29:51
  Speaker 5: this beautiful thing and I wanted to give her a
• 29:53
  Speaker 5: castle on the hill, and we sold some units invested
• 29:56
  Speaker 5: in the shop and cir school gets quiet. It could
• 29:59
  Speaker 5: be stressful. It's just just a combination of things that
• 30:02
  Speaker 5: really led to as well. And I just think that
• 30:05
  Speaker 5: knowing what I do now, how accessible these things, these
• 30:09
  Speaker 5: these things to look after ourselves are that everyone, even
• 30:12
  Speaker 5: if they feel like they've got a pretty good life,
• 30:14
  Speaker 5: they can take it to another level. You know. It's
• 30:15
  Speaker 5: the whole spectrum of mental health where it's not these
• 30:19
  Speaker 5: big events that I do, all these big moments, it's
• 30:21
  Speaker 5: the day to day stuff that that create that shapes you.
• 30:25
  Speaker 5: And I think that's that's the message, you know. I
• 30:27
  Speaker 5: mean I'm always say but I'm definitely no one special,
• 30:29
  Speaker 5: but we can all do special.
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: That's a lie, not at all.
• 30:35
  Speaker 5: Maybe I'm not articulating it right.
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: I mean, obviously you have to stay humble when you
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: say you're not special. It's like that's a fucking lie.
• 30:42
  Speaker 5: Like you, I believe in other people more than they
• 30:45
  Speaker 5: do in themselves, man, and that's what drives me to
• 30:47
  Speaker 5: even you know, I'm write a book. That's pretty cool, man.
• 30:50
  Speaker 5: I just never thought that would have happened without a thing,
• 30:53
  Speaker 5: and I just it's just hard to be my pos
• 30:56
  Speaker 5: just not want to sound cliche or try and you know,
• 30:59
  Speaker 5: avoid that impossib you know. But just like we're so
• 31:01
  Speaker 5: much more capable than what we're told. The way that
• 31:04
  Speaker 5: the world structured that it limits us as well, you know.
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: So I think, like what Matt's coming from is your
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: self awareness about who you are and who you think
• 31:14
  Speaker 3: everyone can be around you is what makes you.
• 31:18
  Speaker 5: It's a gift. It's a gift.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: You're probably sitting there going the boy's got to stop trying.
• 31:23
  Speaker 1: But it's it's it's it's crazy because.
• 31:26
  Speaker 3: Like I've only really i've only known you. I've known
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: of you for a long long time, but I've only
• 31:31
  Speaker 3: known you since I've been able to get in the
• 31:33
  Speaker 3: water with you. And just that moment that you're so
• 31:37
  Speaker 3: self aware in yourself and so level pump everyone else
• 31:40
  Speaker 3: up around you, it's fucking amazing.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: I mean, that moment when.
• 31:44
  Speaker 3: You know you had to experience such great loss, it's
• 31:48
  Speaker 3: spurred you again and then on this path that people
• 31:52
  Speaker 3: watch you go whole ship.
• 31:53
  Speaker 5: Like I always sort of did believe in myself a
• 31:56
  Speaker 5: little bit. I thought there was I was here for
• 31:58
  Speaker 5: a reason to help other people. I didn't know what
• 32:01
  Speaker 5: that looked like at all, and I didn't know that
• 32:03
  Speaker 5: I'd have to go through the loss of my dad
• 32:05
  Speaker 5: and friends and that to realize my purpose was to
• 32:08
  Speaker 5: help people see the best in themselves and just finding
• 32:11
  Speaker 5: my own language and be able to speak to people
• 32:13
  Speaker 5: where they're at, you know. And I say that I
• 32:16
  Speaker 5: mean everything I say. I think anyone can go out
• 32:19
  Speaker 5: there and say that they're authentic and do all this
• 32:21
  Speaker 5: sort of stuff, but I mean I like to think
• 32:24
  Speaker 5: I live it, you know what I mean that I
• 32:25
  Speaker 5: said an example, and I've learned to like all the
• 32:28
  Speaker 5: bits about me, even even the ship bits. And I
• 32:32
  Speaker 5: think that's when it comes to being empathetic towards yourself.
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: And you just mentioned before that there's not there isn't
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: one thing that fixes mental health, and there isn't there
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: absolutely isn't. But is there something that you think personally
• 32:45
  Speaker 3: that really really helps you that could help out it?
• 32:48
  Speaker 5: I think it's so simple. I think it's changing your environment,
• 32:51
  Speaker 5: you know, Like I said before, like what you feel
• 32:54
  Speaker 5: and your emotions at are based on the experience that
• 32:55
  Speaker 5: you're having. If you're sitting there laying in bed, you're
• 32:57
  Speaker 5: ruminating your thinking and getting out and connecting with nature
• 33:01
  Speaker 5: and embodying the experience that we haven't not just caught
• 33:04
  Speaker 5: up in our head. And that's where you know, the
• 33:06
  Speaker 5: brains is doing what it's designed to do, keep us alive,
• 33:09
  Speaker 5: warn us. It's amazing, incredible, but it's also going to
• 33:11
  Speaker 5: be so detrimental in a bad pattern and things aren't
• 33:15
  Speaker 5: going our way, you know. So, and then being with
• 33:18
  Speaker 5: the people, you know what I mean, Like, you can't
• 33:20
  Speaker 5: underestimate that it can seem so vague the way people
• 33:22
  Speaker 5: talk about community and everything, but it's really those meaningful connections.
• 33:26
  Speaker 5: Having them is vital, you know, where you don't recognize
• 33:30
  Speaker 5: if someone's not feeling good if you only see them
• 33:33
  Speaker 5: once a month, you know what I mean? You say
• 33:35
  Speaker 5: you care about someone, those relationships that you that you
• 33:38
  Speaker 5: can have the effort, you make the effort. You know,
• 33:42
  Speaker 5: I think that I think we don't take on that
• 33:44
  Speaker 5: personal responsibility enough, you know, for ourselves and for the
• 33:46
  Speaker 5: people that we care about.
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: Do you have any chaotic stories from being a dad?
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: You've got this calm aura about you, but there's got
• 33:53
  Speaker 3: to be something where you look back and go, Okay, well, no,
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: one warned me about this.
• 33:58
  Speaker 5: It's just like the every day little thing like you know,
• 34:01
  Speaker 5: like how does your heart feel when your kid walks
• 34:04
  Speaker 5: around the corner at Westfield and you can't find it.
• 34:06
  Speaker 5: There's things like that, like I'm I'm as much as
• 34:10
  Speaker 5: you're talking about. I'm I'm pretty not so irresponsible, but
• 34:14
  Speaker 5: I'm unorganized a bit Like that's good, So like just
• 34:19
  Speaker 5: forgetting to take you pack your kids, just just it's
• 34:27
  Speaker 5: more more of that stuff, you know, that day to
• 34:29
  Speaker 5: day like a little bit of being a little bit
• 34:31
  Speaker 5: responsible at times and being so caught up and frothing
• 34:33
  Speaker 5: around and let's go to the beach to this, let's
• 34:36
  Speaker 5: go to the playpark, let's and then you just end
• 34:38
  Speaker 5: up forgetting the kids clothes and nappy. Is just just
• 34:41
  Speaker 5: I guess that was, you know, what everyone else experienced
• 34:45
  Speaker 5: as well, but probably more than I put myself through
• 34:47
  Speaker 5: more torture just by being such a frother and always
• 34:50
  Speaker 5: wanting to be on the moon.
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: We're talking about torture. You've just been torturing yourself for
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: the last month. When did you come up with the
• 34:58
  Speaker 2: idea to break your recent record?
• 35:01
  Speaker 5: Urban approached us with the idea about two and a
• 35:04
  Speaker 5: half weeks before actually paddled out on the first of July.
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: Talk about preparations and for those who don't know, urban
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: surf is a wave pool here in Sydney man made,
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: but two and a half weeks not a lot of
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: prep time.
• 35:17
  Speaker 5: Well, I think it's the lesson versus here is because
• 35:20
  Speaker 5: I live healthy every single day, right, Like I'm open.
• 35:22
  Speaker 5: I can be walking around and open oppertunes because I'm fit,
• 35:24
  Speaker 5: I'm healthy, and I'm optimistic because of good mental health. Right,
• 35:29
  Speaker 5: So to be able to see this huge challenge thrown
• 35:32
  Speaker 5: at me and go yes, is I think I'm proud
• 35:35
  Speaker 5: of that too, you know what I mean? Like if
• 35:36
  Speaker 5: I was unfit and wasn't in a good state, or
• 35:38
  Speaker 5: I was just you know, I wouldn't be able to
• 35:41
  Speaker 5: take opportunity like that up. So I think, yeah, it
• 35:47
  Speaker 5: was have an epic wife obviously. You know I'm going
• 35:51
  Speaker 5: to be in a pool for a month, you know
• 35:52
  Speaker 5: what I mean. We were in our prior commitments. We'll
• 35:54
  Speaker 5: go to the snow to watch Bobby in his first
• 35:56
  Speaker 5: inner school snowboarding thing. Juke had soccer on the weekends,
• 35:59
  Speaker 5: and then I run a business. It's quiet, it is winter, Yeah,
• 36:03
  Speaker 5: we give our staff a lot of the work, so
• 36:04
  Speaker 5: that was manageable.
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: For anyone who who's not familiar. The official world record
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: is it most hours surfed at a wavepool in a month.
• 36:13
  Speaker 5: It's anything you want to say that I did that month.
• 36:16
  Speaker 5: You know, it's really for me. It was about setting
• 36:18
  Speaker 5: a record. There wasn't an official Guinness before that one,
• 36:20
  Speaker 5: but there was just a guy's done one hundred and
• 36:24
  Speaker 5: eight sessions. Do you want to do it? You're a
• 36:26
  Speaker 5: world record holder, let's call it a world record and
• 36:28
  Speaker 5: see what you can do. And it was never about
• 36:30
  Speaker 5: beating the other guys record, but records was about what
• 36:33
  Speaker 5: could I do. It's just curiosity. It's not ego driven
• 36:36
  Speaker 5: need to get this. It's like I wonder what I
• 36:38
  Speaker 5: could put my body in my mind through and actually
• 36:41
  Speaker 5: just your careers to what Because I've done a few
• 36:44
  Speaker 5: big adventures before, I know what the body and the
• 36:47
  Speaker 5: mind's capable of, and I like testing it and I
• 36:50
  Speaker 5: thought this would be another great way to do it.
• 36:53
  Speaker 5: There was a few question marks with the cold water
• 36:55
  Speaker 5: and just how many ways I could ride, and in total,
• 36:58
  Speaker 5: over the month two and fifty three sessions there.
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: Is absolutely smashed it and it's it was four thousand
• 37:06
  Speaker 3: and you actually upped your wave count on the date
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: the last day on purpose because you will four seven.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: Four thousand and seventy seven was the goal, was it?
• 37:16
  Speaker 5: Yeah, four thousand and seven was the goal. And I
• 37:19
  Speaker 5: needed to do a minimum of one hundred and sixty
• 37:22
  Speaker 5: three ways and ten hours a day to do that.
• 37:24
  Speaker 2: Trying to understand the core of where this crazy appetite
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: comes for these endurance events, like it, is it the
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: memory of your dad? Is it trying to prove to
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: your kids that anything's possible? Is it trying to prove
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: to yourself.
• 37:38
  Speaker 5: No, it's genuinely comes from a place of curiosity, Like
• 37:42
  Speaker 5: it generally comes from a place of you know, what
• 37:45
  Speaker 5: what can I do? And what can other people do?
• 37:47
  Speaker 5: And I guess I just noticed that I could have
• 37:50
  Speaker 5: an impact, you know what I mean? Just my dad
• 37:51
  Speaker 5: didn't recognize he did and was valued like he was.
• 37:54
  Speaker 5: And I feel like we need more of that in
• 37:57
  Speaker 5: the world. You know, there's enough VIDI cynicism, and I
• 38:01
  Speaker 5: think there's more positivity in the world. Life's going to
• 38:04
  Speaker 5: happen to us, right, It's going to happen no matter
• 38:06
  Speaker 5: how good your life is. For sure, And if we
• 38:08
  Speaker 5: don't need to focus on that, if we can focus
• 38:10
  Speaker 5: on being curious to what we can do, and you can.
• 38:14
  Speaker 5: You can make things come up, you can make shit happen,
• 38:17
  Speaker 5: you can really bring things to life. And on proof of.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: That, man, totally, for sure.
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: Your boys are so incredibly lucky to have such a
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: great role model as a dad. When they grow up
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: and they're no longer living at home, is there anything
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: that you would want them to remember about the house
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: they grew up in, just.
• 38:34
  Speaker 5: That they had the freedom to chase whatever they wanted to.
• 38:38
  Speaker 5: My identity is pretty much seen as a surfer, you
• 38:41
  Speaker 5: know what I mean, like not to me, but to
• 38:43
  Speaker 5: being around the beach aun the surf. I don't want
• 38:45
  Speaker 5: them to feel like that to surf. That's why there
• 38:46
  Speaker 5: was never that pressure from it. They didn't have to
• 38:48
  Speaker 5: enjoy the beach, but is what it was. That was
• 38:50
  Speaker 5: our lst style and being around as well. And it's
• 38:53
  Speaker 5: a safe place, man, It's a safe place to be
• 38:55
  Speaker 5: themselves and we encourage them to like.
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: I just want to thank you so much for spending
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: some time with us today and the last month, been
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: able to spend some time with you in the water,
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: and yeah, it's given me a different perspective on something
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: that I feel like I'd taken for granted my whole life,
• 39:13
  Speaker 3: which is the ability to be able to serve, the
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: ability to be able to be out there and there's
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: so much that you get lost.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: And yeah, so thank you.
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: He is a god Blakie Johnson, Thank you so much, mate.
• 39:28
  Speaker 5: Really good. I appreciate it. Thanks boys.
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: Your eyes ash and I was absolutely frogging that whole time.
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: It was nice to see. I'm a huge shout out
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: to Blakie for a chat that had it all in
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: very vulnerable moments. But also want to give a nod
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: to the amazing charity work that he does throughout the year.
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, he did the world's biggest paddle out, raised a
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: lot of money for mental health awareness, which is something
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: that's super important. And step by step we are closer
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: to helping a lot of people Matt, which is really great.
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: He also has a book coming out, Yes, it's wellbea
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: When is that it's in October?
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: That's coming out soon.
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: Keep an eye on it.
• 40:04
  Speaker 3: We'll leave some links in the show notes also to
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: any charities that he supports, or, like Bat said, any
• 40:11
  Speaker 3: useful information if you're struggling with him met health, please
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: reach out.
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: And if you've enjoyed this episode, we would love it
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: if you would give us a little review, A couple
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: of words, you know, the drill just ten, we'll reduce
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: that week on week and a month's time was five words,
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: just one word, one word, a couple of stars. That's
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: all it takes to keep Ash and myself happy. Little
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: young men, very easy.
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: Young, I doubt it. But also you can join us
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: on social speaking of young Instagram, TikTok Two Doting Dads.
• 40:40
  Speaker 3: Also the Facebook group is thriving that I've been let
• 40:43
  Speaker 3: back in.
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: Thank you. Yes, so we kicked you.
• 40:45
  Speaker 5: Out because it was your birthday.
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: Happy birthday. You're out.
• 40:49
  Speaker 2: And if there's any other parents my more dads that
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: you'd love us to interview, please reach out, send us
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: through your suggestions and we'll see you guys next week.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: BA Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: country throughout Australia and their connections to land, see and community.
• 41:09
  Speaker 3: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
• 41:12
  Speaker 3: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate islander
• 41:15
  Speaker 3: peoples today,