Latest / Spiritual Sense: Practical wisdom to quiet an overthinking mind and recharge your soul / The voice that says you are not good enough

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The voice that says you are not good enough · Spiritual Sense: Practical wisdom to quiet an overthinking mind and recharge your soul

• 0:00
  Speaker A: Hello, everyone. Welcome to Spiritual Sense podcast. I'm here with brother Michael. Welcome, Brother Michael.
• 0:08
  Speaker B: Yay. Good to be here.
• 0:10
  Speaker A: So today we are going to talk about the voice in our head. Have you ever experienced a voice in your head saying, you're not successful enough, you're not beautiful enough, you're not disciplined enough, you're not a good parent, you're not a good friend? And, you know, the most interesting thing about this voice is if a person walked around the house every day with you and said those things, you would just turn to the person and say, why am I listening to you? Right? You just say, just stop. Why am I listening to you? But because it's coming from our own mind, we tend to take it very seriously. And the reason why we tend to take this so seriously is because we are not able to differentiate that I'm not the thought, that if that thought is coming, I can watch it as a detached observer, separate the thought from me and say, is that thought really true? And so that's what we are going to be talking about in today's episode, the voice that tells us you're not good enough. And how do we separate ourselves from that voice and get a handle on how to have more joy in our lives? Hello, Brother Michael.
• 1:39
  Speaker B: Hello. Hello. More joy in our lives. Isn't that wonderful? So this is a topic that is, you know, straight to the heart, really, because these voices, they go back to, obviously, childhood programming and conditioning and society and comparison, looking at what other people have relative to what we have, what we think we should have, how, where we think we should be, what we think we shouldn't be doing. So there's a lot of shoulds and a lot of pressure, and I think it's particularly difficult for men, actually. It's difficult for women as well. It's difficult for everyone, but.
• 2:27
  Speaker A: But when we live some really interesting opinions on women, Michael.
• 2:32
  Speaker B: Well, it's difficult for everyone, but I'm mentioning this because when it comes to comparison, because men have it so hard.
• 2:39
  Speaker A: Go ahead.
• 2:40
  Speaker B: Men have it so hard. No, no.
• 2:42
  Speaker A: So hard.
• 2:43
  Speaker B: Men do have it hard, actually. Men don't have emotional support most of the time. Women have other women to talk to about their feelings and their body and their health. So they haven't gone.
• 2:55
  Speaker A: Whose fault is that?
• 2:58
  Speaker B: I don't know. And. And often the brothers just consider themselves based on external achievement all the time. This isn't about men and women. I'm just having a bit of compassion here for the brothers because I have
• 3:14
  Speaker A: a lot of women along with you.
• 3:16
  Speaker B: I have a. I have a lot of sisters. The women I talk to about various things, but a lot of men, they haven't got it. So, like, this voice can be like, I'm not good enough on any level for anyone. But we live in a society of extreme achievement. And many people are trying to live up to a standard of achievement and productivity and success and money and wealth that keeps moving, right? The goalpost keeps moving. And if someone's identity is entirely based on their success physically, then they could always feel not good enough, no matter what they get in their life. And this is why, like in places like Japan, like, if they miss a many people, they jump out of a window in front of a train, these, these business guys, because they didn't like, get their quota or they did pass the exam or something. So the more we base our achievements, you know, our identity on our achievements, the more emotionally disturbed we are. And if we compare ourselves, you know, to like, the magazines or the people on the Internet and what they're doing and how many followers they have and how beautiful they are and whatever it is, it doesn't matter what we have. And. And I remember one time I was in Hawaii. I vividly remember this. It was like, perfect morning. I think it was 7:00 in the morning. The ocean was still. The sun was just coming up over the ocean. I was watching it come up. The wind was perfect. The sun on my face felt gray. Everything was great. And I had all these things I thought I wanted, right? I'd been working hard to write books and to do these things, set up my business and everything, everything, everything. And I remember thinking, I feel really, really weird. Like, I just felt very disturbed. I'm like, why is it, what was
• 5:14
  Speaker A: that one sentence in your head that made you feel that?
• 5:28
  Speaker B: I just remember thinking, something is off. Something still seems off. I wasn't sure what it was because I think there's an existential, existential stress going on underneath everything that no matter what it is, there's something missing.
• 5:51
  Speaker A: And usually I've noticed that it's one voice, one sentence that keeps, like, at the background, background, background, right. You go deeper, deeper, deeper. At the root, there's one thing, like, I'm not good enough, or whatever I've achieved is not enough, or I'm not beautiful enough, or I'm not disciplined enough,
• 6:16
  Speaker B: or
• 6:19
  Speaker A: I can't connect with God or some. Like, there'll be one underlying sentence.
• 6:25
  Speaker B: Yeah. I think in that situation, for me, because this is a while ago, I'm thinking back, I Felt my spiritual connection wasn't as good as I'd like it to be. That's, that's because I had other things that I was like, okay, that's all taken care of. But now there's this spiritual thing, not is lacking. And I remember recently, you know, like, looking at my, like, I have so many five star reviews for lots of different things I've done, but I remember thinking in the back of my head, yeah, but it's only, it's only like 85, 000. It's not like a million. So I mean, wow, you know, it's not really good, is it? Like, and it's like, I think this is the issue, this is the int. This is the issue with money as well. Because I've heard that no matter how much money people have, they always want more. So. Because we could always. So the, the game of trying to achieve things, to feel good about ourselves doesn't seem to have a, have a limit. There's no edge, there's no top, there's no like, okay, now I've got everything I want. But then it's like, well, okay, I've got the money, I've got the success, I've got the relationship, my health is good, but something else, you know, something but my parents and someone else is not feeling well and I feel bad that I can't help them or something will come up, you know.
• 7:59
  Speaker A: And you know, for me nowadays, right, the voice is usually about my spiritual life. It's very rarely about other things. I'm not.
• 8:11
  Speaker B: Because you're, you're a 30 year meditation teacher. So, you know, it's bound to be about your spiritual life, isn't it?
• 8:19
  Speaker A: Right, I'm not. My mind is not under my control. That seems to be the refrain, right? Like the deep voice, like the voice in our head that says something is not enough.
• 8:37
  Speaker B: Yeah, I don't feel good enough. I don't look good enough. I haven't got enough. I'm not enough. I'm not, I, I'm not worthy enough, I don't deserve it. All this stuff, you know, it's, it's all based on if I achieve something, then hopefully that will make me feel full and complete and integrous in myself. But it doesn't work. And my experience is that the only time I actually genuinely feel enough is when I do deep meditation and I realize I'm not my body and nothing to do with all this stuff here at all.
• 9:24
  Speaker A: Absolutely, absolutely. I totally.
• 9:26
  Speaker B: Then I feel genuinely happy. I'm like, oh, this is great because it's not trying to. Because it's a. It's an impossible game. It's a game that literally can never be won because, like, people get into, like, positions of power, you know, and wealth and everything, and it doesn't necessarily make any difference, actually, to their inner feeling. And then they keep pushing it, or it can lead to. To depression. Yeah. I've heard many stories of people who. They've, like, hit the top level and whatever it is that they thought they would want, and then they get deep depression almost immediately because they think, well, I thought this would fix everything.
• 10:04
  Speaker A: Oh, they don't. Or they're masking. They've always been depressed. They've always been depressed, and they're masking their depression with. Trying to achieve the next thing, the next thing, next, next thing. And then when the top thing comes, then they can't mask it anymore.
• 10:25
  Speaker B: No, no, it's. I think when we are pursuing things, when we think, okay, if I just lose a bit of weight, that. That kind of pursuit of a goal is quite intoxicating and motivating, and it
• 10:37
  Speaker A: actually, I could lose a little bit of weight, Michael.
• 10:40
  Speaker B: So, you know, so you're like, okay, today I'm gonna lose a few pounds. It's gonna be great. I'm gonna do it because it gives us a lot of energy. I mean, the other thing I found when I'm on that beach, the reason I come back to this is because I was like, I need to work really hard to do all these things, to get these things. And then I finally got it, and I was on the beach, and I remember standing under this tree going, something feels very wrong here. And what I realized, what it was, is that the motivation to. To do stuff, to get out in the morning and do all these things had been removed because once I got what I want, the pressure to do the things that were inspiring me to take to move forward didn't make any sense. So I had to re. Consider what. What should I do with my life when I'm not under that pressure? And that's actually strangely very difficult and awkward thing to deal with. But I think because many people don't get what they want in life, they kind of think finally they'll get it. But when you do, it brings up a whole new range of problems that seem, in a way, more difficult than the other ones, which is quite unexpected.
• 11:55
  Speaker A: That's a really big topic you're bringing up, brother Michael. I think we should reduce the topic to the voice in our head.
• 12:02
  Speaker B: Let's just stay to the voice of the head. Brother Michael's gone a bit off track here.
• 12:06
  Speaker A: That's like so big. Like what you're telling is like what?
• 12:10
  Speaker B: Yeah, no, this, this. It was one of the most bizarre experiences I've had because I'm like, this is really spinning me out so severely, you know, because we think finally we'll get what we want and we'll be happy, but we're not, not going to make any difference. We have to. What we're talking about still have to
• 12:25
  Speaker A: deal with the voice in our head.
• 12:26
  Speaker B: Yes. What we're talking about today is that if, if we think when we achieve something, everything will be all right. We can try and build up this like sand castles, but they always collapse. But there's another way, which we'll talk about more later, where you're not trying to do that at all. You're finding your well being and your self respect in a completely different way. That is nothing to do with that stuff. And because otherwise when it never going to end. Like many, many Hollywood people have got what they want and then they end up like drug addicts and suicidal, sadly, because it just didn't work.
• 13:05
  Speaker A: And you know, it didn't work because they have a very different. Life is not meant to live on that high octane level. It's just not meant to live like that. Life has to be very down to earth and very simple otherwise you're going to just mess yourself up. That's just not the way it's meant to live.
• 13:24
  Speaker B: Yeah, most people I don't know, I've never experienced it, but it sounds, sounds fun to some degree. But I imagine it being quite exhausting after a while with all the paparazzi and everything else. So. So what do we need to do? Shrink to deal with that voice that I'm not good enough. I'm. It's never enough. I'm not beautiful enough, not successful enough, not wealthy enough, not happy enough, not spiritual enough.
• 13:48
  Speaker A: I feel we need to find that voice, that one sentence that you are repeating consistently or even if you don't know. Right. Like I know of people who get a lot of work done on their face, right? And the reason why they get work done on their face is because somewhere deep inside they feel they're not beautiful enough. And so even. So find the voice, that one sentence you're repeating to yourself. And if you can't find the voice, then look at the things you're doing with your life and see what that voice could be. So let's take One voice, right? Just one voice. Pick a voice in your head that's really. You feel is not allowing you to. It's just consistently your companion. It's like someone going around in the room with you, talking to you, saying this, right? Constantly they're saying this. And now you have to look at that voice and think it's an old recording, because that's not the new version of you. That is an old recording. Many times, let's say, let's take beauty, right? Many times when you were younger, someone said, oh, you look so ugly, or peer pressure, people said, you're not good, good enough. Or I was recently in Miami and someone was saying, oh, what do you tell people when they tell you you need a lip job or, you know, whatever, right? You're looking old. Go get your face done or something. And so there's a lot of peer pressure, right? I was thinking, oh, my God, I am in Miami. Tampa would never do that. It's like a different. It's a different city that does different places that do that. But anyway, so one of the things that we need to see is that either based on someone telling you or you telling yourself something happened in your childhood, there's a voice. Separate the voice and say, no, that is an old recording. And the new recording is, I am a pure, beautiful, loving, peaceful soul. That's the new paradigm.
• 16:27
  Speaker B: Yeah. The old, old paradigm is once I make this character, this person get what it. What I think I want, then I'll be happy and. Or, you know, fulfilled, relaxed, successful. What we're saying is, don't bother, because it's not going to work and it never can end. We need to say, that's not who I am at all. I'm. I'm this spiritual being, and already I am a beautiful being anyway, and that's my identity. This a very major transformation, actually, to shift it over and say, no, I'm an eternal being. And I didn't even used to have a body. And I didn't even think about these things previously. And I was great. Everything was wonderful. But we got so caught up in this stuff that it's just causing us terrible anxiety and negative thoughts and feelings and depression and stress.
• 17:33
  Speaker A: You know, one other thing I was thinking is we are collapsing a lot of things here. I'm collapsing. You have to see this voice as separate from you. Just visualize yourself, right? Pick a voice in your head, Michael. Pick a voice. All of our listeners, I want you to pick one sentence in your head, and I want you to feel like someone Else is walking around the house with you and saying these things to you. Not you saying it. Someone else is saying it. Give me one sentence, Michael. Give me one sentence.
• 18:14
  Speaker B: Just. Just generally not enough.
• 18:16
  Speaker A: Okay? Not enough. It's not you saying it. Someone else is walking, you know, someone else is walking around the house, around with you and is saying to you, you're not enough. You're not enough. You're not enough. And you have to turn to that someone and say, stop. Who are you? Because I am beautiful. I am pure. I am everything. Peace and purity and the deep intrinsic love that we have doesn't require achievements, doesn't require yes or no, right? But we keep listening to this voice and we are collapsing it. We are collapsing our identity with this external voice, and we have to separate it out. That's the first thing is separate the voice out. See that voice as a separate person walking around with you and saying that. And you have to turn to the voice and say, why am I listening to you? You're an old story or an old recording. Go away.
• 19:34
  Speaker B: Yeah. It would get very tiring if there was someone in the house saying that stuff all day long, wouldn't it? Physically, you're like, right, and wake up in the morning and they're sitting there listening. You're not good enough. You're not beautiful enough. You're not wonderful enough. It'll be, you know, it'll be a good little. A little skit to see this person carrying around. Yes, it's actually very. It is very helpful to see it externally because it's more apparent, isn't it more obvious?
• 20:07
  Speaker A: Because we are collapsing. We are thinking, it's me, it's not me. That is not you. That is an old recording someone else installed. And you have to uninstall that recording and just. Even just admitting that's an old recording, I don't need that recording right now. That recording is old. It's outdated.
• 20:40
  Speaker B: It's never going to. And it's never going to go away based on success physically either. That's the key thing to keep in mind with this, is that even if you get everything you think you want, it still will come up with some other version of something to talk about not having enough of. So saying, that's very nice, thank you very much. But that's not. That's not me. That's not who I am. And that's not something that I'm willing to listen to again, again and again. Thank you. But when we say I, I am a powerful soul, we can't be based on I, this person who's lacking, I'm a powerful soul. That, that's why this is a bit nuanced. Because if I'm thinking I, this person who doesn't think I'm good enough is a powerful soul, that. That immediately brings conflict, right? Because. Because it's like, well, yeah, but the voice is just telling you I'm not good enough. And now I'm saying I'm a powerful soul. It's like, yeah, but you're not. Look, I've just been telling you you're not good enough the whole time. And look at all these things wrong with your life. So clearly you're lying. So, so potentially, if this is done in the wrong way, it just makes it worse because if we think I'm I, this person, I'm a powerful soul, I mean, that still hasn't solving the problem. So how do you help someone realize it's not I, this person who not good enough, who's powerful. So how, how do you make that shift? I'm the spiritual being who's not this thing.
• 22:19
  Speaker A: It's all a decision you have to make. It is a decision. Loving yourself is a decision. Accepting yourself as a spiritual being is a decision you have to make
• 22:37
  Speaker B: after
• 22:37
  Speaker A: you make the decision, right? It's almost like an experiment you have to run on yourself after you decide to run an experiment and you know how it feels to be this, you know, not good enough, whatever nonsense you're talking, right? You know how that feels. Now let's run an experiment where you are this beautiful, powerful, loving, peaceful, pure, blissful soul, right? That you are this. I'm a soul. And I'm these things. You run an experiment and see, every time this voice comes in, I'm going to replace. Replace it with this, this new experiment. I'm experimenting on myself. And you will see the results. And based on the results and based on the experiences you have of yourself, then you can say, oh, my decision to think of myself differently is really paying off because that's not me, But it's in. It's a choice we have to make. There's no one else who is going to come and make you choose this choice. It's a decision you have to make for yourself.
• 23:57
  Speaker B: It's a very deep thing because what we're talking about here is, is profound programming that I'm in. This is because it's not just the thought that I'm not good enough. It's the whole identity that I'm a human being with the. That that's the. That's what's causing the thought, isn't it? So what we're saying is we need to become aware that we're not just this person and we are an eternal being who is completely different from the whole thing. That. That's the. And then we can say I'm a powerful soul because. Because I've tried. If I'm thinking I'm this person with these problems and I'm thinking I'm a powerful soul, he actually causes stress. But if I think I'm an eternal being, I'm a point of light. And this is why we have to understand where it's eternal point of light. And I find it helpful to think. Imagine. Imagine the. This person is dead. The body, then I can ease and more easily imagine being a point of light. But as long as it's here, I'm not. No one secure themselves, just to be clear. Because otherwise it's hard to make a shift, isn't it? If we still have this identity that
• 25:18
  Speaker A: I'm this person, it is a very big deal.
• 25:21
  Speaker B: This is the hardest thing to do, isn't it? To realize we're not our body. You know,
• 25:28
  Speaker A: 99% of our problems are because of body consciousness. Because some way, shape or form, we are identifying with the body.
• 25:36
  Speaker B: So this, this is the big. Because this is how all these things we're talking about actually work is when you make that shift to say I'm not this body and this whole thing is all happening and it's all going to end at some point and I'm different. Then. Then we can.
• 25:54
  Speaker A: My head is not me.
• 25:56
  Speaker B: Yeah. I'm not the thought.
• 25:57
  Speaker A: That voice separate the voice in the head. And that's not me. Because the problem is happening because I'm thinking it's me. We are collapsing ourselves with the voice.
• 26:10
  Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. The word me and I is trapped in that. And no matter how good anything gets physically, it's still stuck in a role that's fickle and never enough.
• 26:30
  Speaker A: The Hindi word I want to use is swaman. So swaman is translated swam means self and man means dignity. So you could say self dignity or self honor or self respect. But when we use the word self respect, then we're thinking about, oh, these are my boundaries, this and that. That's not what this is. This is like the soul respect, the soul honor. Like no one can give it to you and no one can take it away from you. It's inherently yours. And that is where we have. That's where all the work is, is I have to inherently sit in my swaman, what is my inherent swamman, where no one can take it away from me, right? I'm a pure, peaceful soul. It sounds simple, but it's a very profound Swaman. And that swaman is what will cut that voice in your head. You know, you were talking to me in the break about this NBA player championship and someone won and they spent so many summers and this and that, you know, shooting hoops and, you know, and that was the result, you know, they finally won the NBA championship. All said and done. All said and done. That physical achievement comes and goes. Who remembers who won the NBA championship last year or the year before or five years ago? Who remembers it? The commentators. It's an achieve, huh?
• 28:23
  Speaker B: The commentators remember it, but no, it's true. It comes and goes. It's like it's passing clouds and then the next people and then there's always another one.
• 28:30
  Speaker A: There's always the next and the next and the next. And if some young man, which I applaud that young man for doing that, some young man has spent all his life working for something where it comes and goes, right? Two years from now, no one's going to remember this, but this kind of work that we are seeing, internal work of Swaman, of who I am and really, really understanding who I am and sitting in that, it does seem like a lot of work, but it really pays off. It pays off in the long term, like two years from now, you will really be thankful to yourself for doing it. It's not something that just goes right, this kind of work, it really is very, very important and it's long lasting, it's imperishable. It's something you will carry with you.
• 29:32
  Speaker B: It's the only thing we take with us, really, isn't it? It's our state of consciousness when we die. And also it's a gift that keeps on giving every day because the more we feel, you know, in internally rich and liberated, it's an immediate gift. Because what I like to come back to is why am I doing something like, why am I doing like business or this podcast or anything, right? I'm doing it because something, something good happens and I'm doing that thing because ultimately I want to feel better in some way. I want to feel peaceful, I want to feel satisfied, I want to feel content, I want to feel like. So it comes down to a state of consciousness. And what we're talking about here is just an upgraded state of consciousness that happens straight away without all the work. Not you know, so it's like cutting. It's like, yeah, you could spend 50 years trying to get to this thing. It might not even last very long. Or you could just cut around it and just go straight to the point. Want to feel peaceful and safe and loved and cared for and, you know, blissful. So this is the. This is the real stuff that stays with us and everything else just comes and goes.
• 30:51
  Speaker A: Michael, you want to do a meditation?
• 30:54
  Speaker B: Yeah. Let's do a little practice, shall we? So let's start by thinking about something that is upsetting your mind and your heart. Something where you feel it's not enough money, not enough beauty, not enough love, not enough something. What is it? What is that thought or that feeling? Thought and feeling. And just. Just notice it, welcome it, And just fully accept that that's there. So you can just see it and imagine it, asking it to stop or step back so you have some space from it. So you see it separate from you. Like it's another person speaking to you. A program or a part of yourself, something outside, some other thing. And as you separate yourself from that, you see it separate from you, become aware that who you really are isn't your body, isn't your role, isn't your money and success and what you look like or anything. Imagine all of that comes to an end. Imagine you're a thousand years in the future and all those things are far, far, far in the past. And everyone's forgotten about everything. And you don't even know what it is anyway. And who are you? You are this beautiful shining star. You're an eternal being. And you're having swarm on self respect. And what is the opposite, the thing that you need. So if you're saying I'm not lovable and. Or I'm not beautiful enough, or I'm not successful enough, then your Swarman, your self respect, self dignity would be. I am loved. I am a beautiful soul. I am an abundant, wealthy soul. I've attained everything. So pick a powerful thought that is exactly what you want to feel. And it's eternal, it's stable, it's unlimited, powerful. Secure it. And just breathe in that wonderful feeling. Let it fill your whole consciousness, this new identity, this new awareness, and. Ground that into your self. And now you don't have to listen to that person walking around the house, poisoning your mind. Yay.
• 35:26
  Speaker A: Thank you, Brother Michael.
• 35:30
  Speaker B: Yes. So enjoy the practice. Swap it out with something better. Let us know how it goes in the comments. And let's have a blessing.
• 35:42
  Speaker A: This is God's blessing for you cheerfulness. Your connection to God allows you to experience sustained joy. This blissful energy keeps your heart optimistic and your spirits bright, savoring the source of delight. Each day brings forth bountiful blessings and inner harmony.
• 36:12
  Speaker B: Ah yes, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you everyone for your beautiful presence and thank you Shireen. And we'll talk to you in the next episode. And if you want courses on deeper meditation on what courses have we got? Shireen, what courses have you done? The Trust course, the Going Beyond Coming Back. We have the Raja course, Advanced Ancient Spiritual Secrets. We have loads of courses we're giving you from our hearts. If you want to enjoy them, you can see in the comments a link to everything and meditations and all kinds of other good stuff books. So, so much good stuff. So there it is all for you. Talk to you soon. And love and blessings. Yay.