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Navigating Money Talks: Essential Communication Skills · Rock My Finances

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the Rock My Finances Show on k FORHD
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Speaker 2: about the zeros, So what is it all about? Let's
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Speaker 2: find out now. Here's your host and weekly friend, Jennifer Jose.
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Speaker 1: Welcome everyone to Rock My Finances podcast. I'm so glad
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Speaker 1: what other people are doing out there around their money.
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Speaker 1: of previous ones as well that you can check out.
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Speaker 1: So this one's going to be navigating money talks and
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Speaker 1: essential communication skills. So communication is huge, right. We have masculine,
1:50
Speaker 1: we have feminine, we have old, young kids, authority, we
1:54
Speaker 1: have all different types of communication styles. We have quick short,
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Speaker 1: we have different from state to state, we have different
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Speaker 1: from country to country. So we're going to tie all
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Speaker 1: that down a little bit and we're going to give
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Speaker 1: you some tips and some tricks onto how to talk
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Speaker 1: about money, which of course relates to just communication. Right.
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Speaker 1: So I want some clarity, I want you to be
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Speaker 1: able to have some clarity, and I want you to
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Speaker 1: have some go tos and I want you to feel
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Speaker 1: more confident, because this is my feeling. Women do not
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Speaker 1: talk about money. We hide how much we make, We
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Speaker 1: hide how much we owe, we hie hide how much
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Speaker 1: we spend. Anse spenders out there. If we know about investing,
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Speaker 1: it's just not a topic that people talk about now.
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Speaker 1: Being a financial advisor that I am, and I talk
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Speaker 1: about this all the time and people talk to me
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Speaker 1: about it. So I kind of know thousands of people
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Speaker 1: I've talked to over the years, and I know what
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Speaker 1: they're thinking and they're doing around money. So I wanted
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Speaker 1: to bring that up here and say, Okay, how can
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Speaker 1: we talk about this. I'm also single. I have a
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Speaker 1: lot of single friends and when they meet that special someone,
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Speaker 1: when do we start talking about money? How do we
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Speaker 1: start talking about money. We don't want to do it
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Speaker 1: too soon, we don't want to do it too late,
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Speaker 1: we don't want to be in fear of it. And
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Speaker 1: we want to know about their money as well. I mean,
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Speaker 1: I'm in my sixties, so I need to know what's
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Speaker 1: going on in their world as well. So there's lots
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Speaker 1: of different areas that we want to talk about money.
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Speaker 1: So how can we do that? Here's the first one.
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Speaker 1: Now I know you might have heard this before. I
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Speaker 1: statement if we want to bring up the topic of
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Speaker 1: money using I for example, I feel a bit anxious
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Speaker 1: when we're going to discuss money or discussing our budget,
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Speaker 1: which I actually have my client say a spending plan.
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Speaker 1: I don't want to constrict women in spending money. I
3:40
Speaker 1: actually want you to plan for spending it. We call
3:44
Speaker 1: it a spending plan. But a I messages I feel
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Speaker 1: anxious when we're going to have our money date. I
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Speaker 1: also have my clients have a weekly money date individually,
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Speaker 1: and then as couples, we have that once a month
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Speaker 1: or once a quarter, depending on how we divvy up
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Speaker 1: the jobs around our finances and cash flow in our household.
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Speaker 1: So we can just be honest and say I'm feeling
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Speaker 1: anxious about our conversation around our money date. You could
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Speaker 1: even just say I'm feeling anxious because I don't feel
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Speaker 1: like I'm doing what I should be doing right. We're
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Speaker 1: putting shoulds on ourself, which we all know we're not
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Speaker 1: supposed to be doing that, but we do, especially around money.
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Speaker 1: So I statements I am very excited to have my
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Speaker 1: money date with you. I'm very excited to do that,
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Speaker 1: and let's talk about self talk. I mean being single
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Speaker 1: that I am, and we all have our own relationship
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Speaker 1: with money, regardless of who's in our household, who we're
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Speaker 1: in business with, who we have to share money with,
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Speaker 1: we have our own personal, individual relationship with money. And
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Speaker 1: guess what you are responsible with your relationship with your money.
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Speaker 1: And we can't guide that, and we can't sweep that
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Speaker 1: under the rug. We have to look at that because
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Speaker 1: that's going to come out in our communication. I hope
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Speaker 1: that makes sense. So my relationship with money, our theme
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Speaker 1: around my household growing up was work hard, make money.
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Speaker 1: We were business owners and we worked seven days a week,
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Speaker 1: three hundred and sixty five days a year. So when
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Speaker 1: I met someone that didn't have the same work ethic
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Speaker 1: as I did, that went to my resentment or discrimination
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Speaker 1: thoughts against them about work ethic because that all played
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Speaker 1: a part. Right, work hard, make money, that's what it's
5:24
Speaker 1: all about. Then I came into coaching with my coach
5:28
Speaker 1: and found out that no, I doubled my income the
5:31
Speaker 1: year that I actually took more rest time and took
5:33
Speaker 1: more me time. So it's not about work hard, make money. However,
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Speaker 1: that is the relationship belief that I had in my head.
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Speaker 1: We all have those beliefs that might not be accurate
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Speaker 1: any longer. So when we care about our relationship with
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Speaker 1: money and we look at that relationship and then we
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Speaker 1: reframe our beliefs, we can show up now currently in
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Speaker 1: our lives today and have great communication around money well
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Speaker 1: I statements for sure, and looking at our own relationship
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Speaker 1: with money and then be honest about it. I have
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Speaker 1: a group of friends that we talk all the time
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Speaker 1: and we say, you know, I'm feeling a little less
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Speaker 1: than right now because I've spent so much and I
6:17
Speaker 1: need to pull in the reins a little bit. I
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Speaker 1: hear that a lot around the holidays or after the holidays,
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Speaker 1: I need to pull in the rains a little bit.
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Speaker 1: For some reason, with women, since we have that emotional
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Speaker 1: relationship with money, we start beating ourselves up about that.
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Speaker 1: Another reason why you want to have a spending plan
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Speaker 1: in place, so you already know I'm going to spend
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Speaker 1: this much at holidays. I know I'm going to do that,
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Speaker 1: so then after the fact, you won't be beating yourself
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Speaker 1: up about that. Hope that makes sense. So spending plan
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Speaker 1: I messages and your relationship with money. Okay, we also
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Speaker 1: want to acknowledge our emotions. Money is emotional, and it's
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Speaker 1: okay to acknowledge that. You might say, I know this
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Speaker 1: topic can be a little stress for both of us,
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Speaker 1: but let's be patient with each other. That way, when
7:04
Speaker 1: you're when we're creating a safe space to be honest
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Speaker 1: around money. We can do this with our children, our
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Speaker 1: business partners, our spouses, the people that we might be
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Speaker 1: living with. You might have roommates or you know, just
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Speaker 1: house guests or whatever. Anytime you're talking about money at
7:21
Speaker 1: any time. I go on girls trips a lot. When
7:24
Speaker 1: you go away for the weekend, we have an app
7:27
Speaker 1: that we put on our phone, and whoever pays puts
7:29
Speaker 1: it in the app so that we split it evenly.
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Speaker 1: So we talk about money, we talk about Okay, this
7:33
Speaker 1: might be a little awkward, so how can we do this.
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Speaker 1: I also believe that there's an energy exchange with money,
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Speaker 1: and so when someone comes over to want to do
7:43
Speaker 1: something for me, that's great. I love that, but I
7:45
Speaker 1: want to have some type of an equal exchange, either
7:48
Speaker 1: you know, cook them dinner or you know, spend some
7:52
Speaker 1: time with them, whatever it might be for them. If
7:55
Speaker 1: it doesn't want. If it doesn't warrant a money exchange,
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Speaker 1: it still warrants an energy exchange. It could just be
8:01
Speaker 1: a nice card. It could be a grateful thank you,
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Speaker 1: It could be a ride to the next event. Like,
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Speaker 1: there's no telling what it can be, and I just
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Speaker 1: always want to make sure there's a good exchange there.
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Speaker 1: I don't want to be the one that's always giving, given, giving, given, giving,
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Speaker 1: with no return, because then I'm going to get resentful,
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Speaker 1: if that makes sense. And I don't want someone else
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Speaker 1: to be given given giving to me without you know,
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Speaker 1: Like I have a neighbor that comes and feeds my
8:26
Speaker 1: cat all the time. I love that. Of course she
8:28
Speaker 1: doesn't want anythink I'm going to take her out to dinner.
8:31
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get a little small gifts here and there,
8:32
Speaker 1: because there needs to be an energy exchange. You don't
8:35
Speaker 1: want to give and take on both sides. Hope that
8:38
Speaker 1: makes sense. So when we're talking about money, we want
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Speaker 1: to say, hey, we want to be honest and create
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Speaker 1: a safe place. So what does that mean? Guess what?
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Speaker 1: You get to know yourself. We have to know ourselves
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Speaker 1: around money. Are we a spender? Are we a saveror
8:53
Speaker 1: do we beat ourselves up around money? Are we in
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Speaker 1: money fear? Are we just stressed out around money because
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Speaker 1: that's the way your household was when you were growing up.
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Speaker 1: That very well could be the case. So just acknowledging
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Speaker 1: it and saying it out loud, it could be. Even
9:08
Speaker 1: as adults we are, we can be talking to our
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Speaker 1: parents and we can say, hey, let's talk about money
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Speaker 1: a little bit. What did you learn about money? I
9:15
Speaker 1: don't know why it seems to be such a taboo,
9:18
Speaker 1: taboo subject, but it is. It's kind of like politics
9:21
Speaker 1: and religion. Nobody talks about money, and we need to.
9:24
Speaker 1: We need to learn from each other. We need to
9:26
Speaker 1: learn the right way. Again, I'm all about the F word,
9:29
Speaker 1: feminine financial freedom. So we think about money differently than
9:33
Speaker 1: men do. And this is my opinion, my opinion, only
9:37
Speaker 1: we have a relationship with money. I've have many, many
9:40
Speaker 1: men clients and they're amazing and they can actually hit
9:44
Speaker 1: a bump on the road, come back, shake it off,
9:47
Speaker 1: move on. They don't take it personally as most women,
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Speaker 1: like us, we hit a bump on the road and
9:53
Speaker 1: we beat ourselves up forever, like we made a huge mistake.
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Speaker 1: And that is not our fault. That is not your fault.
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Speaker 1: That has been out there forever. I mean, if we
10:02
Speaker 1: look at it, women didn't even have our own bank accounts,
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Speaker 1: our own money or anything until like fifty years ago.
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Speaker 1: And I can tell you I was married in the
10:10
Speaker 1: eighties and my husband had to come to the bank
10:12
Speaker 1: to sign for me to have my own checking account
10:15
Speaker 1: in the eighties. So in our lifetime right now, we
10:18
Speaker 1: have just now starting to handle money on our own
10:23
Speaker 1: and handle finances on our own. So we're little babies
10:25
Speaker 1: at this, So we can't beat ourselves up for not
10:28
Speaker 1: knowing or not feeling really good about it. I mean,
10:31
Speaker 1: grandpa's don't pull the little granddaughters aside and say, hey,
10:34
Speaker 1: let me teach you about stock. Let's go grab some
10:36
Speaker 1: Disney stock or some eighteen tar or whatever they're doing
10:40
Speaker 1: at the time. They do grab the grandson and say, hey,
10:44
Speaker 1: let's talk about money. This is what money is. This
10:47
Speaker 1: is how we're going to save it. This is how
10:49
Speaker 1: we're gonna build it. We're going to buy stock, this
10:51
Speaker 1: is how we create a company. Little girls get taught
10:54
Speaker 1: to cook and clean and take care of the little
10:56
Speaker 1: babies and the dolls and the barbies. We don't get
10:59
Speaker 1: taught what money does and how to make more money.
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Speaker 1: Women just get attacked on spending too much purses and Starbucks,
11:06
Speaker 1: which is all such maloney. Instead of saying, hey, create
11:09
Speaker 1: your own purse, start your own line, you know, create
11:12
Speaker 1: a business, make some more money, turn a side hustle
11:15
Speaker 1: into some cash, we don't talk that way to women.
11:18
Speaker 1: So this is a part of our heritage. So we
11:21
Speaker 1: want to acknowledge that it's not all our fault and
11:24
Speaker 1: now it's yours to deal with. So what do you
11:26
Speaker 1: get to do? You get to educate yourself, right, educate
11:28
Speaker 1: without shame, just educating with knowledge. Okay, So now we
11:33
Speaker 1: want to recognize that we have a relationship with money
11:36
Speaker 1: before we met anybody that we want to be talking
11:38
Speaker 1: to money about. And then we have to honor that
11:41
Speaker 1: another way. When we're talking with someone around money for
11:45
Speaker 1: a relationship, it could be your business partner again, your parents,
11:49
Speaker 1: your kids, your spousees. We want to focus on a
11:53
Speaker 1: solution together so that one person doesn't feel attacked and
11:57
Speaker 1: the other person doesn't feel, you know, like this vendor
12:00
Speaker 1: doesn't feel ashamed or blamed. I keep hearing from women
12:03
Speaker 1: all the time. I'm so tired of financial industry making
12:06
Speaker 1: me feel like crap, Like they just I walk into
12:08
Speaker 1: this big building and this man in this three piece
12:11
Speaker 1: suit is I feel like he's wagging his finger out
12:13
Speaker 1: me and tell me everything that I've done wrong. So
12:15
Speaker 1: that's what's wrong with the industry. We're not doing that here. Absolutely,
12:19
Speaker 1: you are perfect just the way you are as is
12:22
Speaker 1: right this minute. And I want to applaud you for
12:25
Speaker 1: being on this podcast and listening to the show, because
12:28
Speaker 1: you are learning a lot right now. And it's not
12:31
Speaker 1: just about the zeros in your account. It actually is
12:35
Speaker 1: so much more than the zero's so looking at our
12:38
Speaker 1: relationship around money, handling that, taking care of it, healing it,
12:43
Speaker 1: loving ourselves through that with compassion and kindness. When we're
12:47
Speaker 1: going to work together with someone, we can frame a
12:49
Speaker 1: conversation such as, let's figure out a plan to work
12:52
Speaker 1: together for both of us. How can we create some
12:57
Speaker 1: a schedule or some spreadsheet or a process that makes
13:03
Speaker 1: us both feel comfortable around our financial decisions. It's more
13:07
Speaker 1: of a collaboration instead of you spend so much I
13:10
Speaker 1: need to know what's happening, or you never want to
13:12
Speaker 1: talk about money, or I feel like i'm in this
13:14
Speaker 1: all by myself, right I statement, that's a good one.
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Speaker 1: It's an ice statement. However, it's on the negative side.
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Speaker 1: So let's say, instead of either one of us handling
13:22
Speaker 1: things on our own, let's do this collaborative. What are
13:25
Speaker 1: you good at? What am I good at? And let's
13:28
Speaker 1: put that together? Makes sense? Okay. Next, we're going to
13:32
Speaker 1: practice patience. We have to be patient with ourselves. We
13:35
Speaker 1: have to be patient with others, especially if someone's just
13:38
Speaker 1: learning finance, no matter what the age is. I'm also
13:41
Speaker 1: a certified divorce financial analyst, and there's a lot of
13:43
Speaker 1: times that spouses have never dealt with finances at all.
13:46
Speaker 1: So we are educating them from the ground up. There's
13:49
Speaker 1: zero shame and blame about that. They just didn't do
13:52
Speaker 1: that in their life before, so now they're learning it.
13:55
Speaker 1: So we want to remember that good communication takes practice,
13:58
Speaker 1: and we want to be able to say, let's keep
14:00
Speaker 1: talking about this regularly so that we can get comfortable
14:03
Speaker 1: over time. Patience is key. The more we do it,
14:06
Speaker 1: the more it becomes easier. Just like you know, working out,
14:11
Speaker 1: it's a muscle. I call it your money muscle. It
14:13
Speaker 1: is absolutely a muscle to learn about your money to
14:16
Speaker 1: experience it and now to be able to talk about it.
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Speaker 1: One other thing I think is really good is setting
14:21
Speaker 1: shared goals. So if dealing with money with someone, let's
14:25
Speaker 1: have some shared goals. Like we had a downturn in
14:28
Speaker 1: the market years ago, and a lot of people had
14:31
Speaker 1: a lot of credit card debt, and so I would
14:34
Speaker 1: have them put the bills on the refrigerator as a
14:36
Speaker 1: family as they chick you know, put an X on
14:40
Speaker 1: it every time one of the cards got paid off
14:42
Speaker 1: or it got lowered or something, so the whole family
14:45
Speaker 1: got a reward so everyone could see that. You know,
14:48
Speaker 1: credit card back debt is not good. We want to
14:51
Speaker 1: make sure that it's all paid off, but bring the
14:53
Speaker 1: household into it. When I had my kids, we had
14:56
Speaker 1: goals about what we were going to do when something
14:59
Speaker 1: Happenedarly goals a couple, you know, because kids are young,
15:02
Speaker 1: So you want monthly goals, quarterly goals, and so that
15:05
Speaker 1: when we accomplish something that we get to go do
15:07
Speaker 1: something or have a Friday night pizza party or whatever
15:09
Speaker 1: it might be, trip to Disneyland, so that we're all
15:13
Speaker 1: involved in the shared goals. So when we're talking about
15:17
Speaker 1: setting our shared goals, especially when it comes to money,
15:19
Speaker 1: it's really helpful to frame it as a collaborative effort.
15:23
Speaker 1: Let's sit down and figure out what we both want
15:26
Speaker 1: to achieve in the next year, whether it's saving for
15:28
Speaker 1: a trip, paying down debt, or building an emergency fund.
15:32
Speaker 1: This makes the goal setting as a team and a
15:34
Speaker 1: collaborative and not just an individual task. How many of
15:38
Speaker 1: you out there are handling your finances on your own.
15:40
Speaker 1: How many of you out there are handling your finances
15:42
Speaker 1: on your own and there's another person in your household
15:45
Speaker 1: and you're still doing it all by yourself. That is
15:48
Speaker 1: my main client is. I have so many women that
15:50
Speaker 1: are running the household because the man's off busy, they're
15:53
Speaker 1: busy doing and they just don't like it. So I
15:56
Speaker 1: am that person's sound board and I'm collaborative with them
16:02
Speaker 1: on building their wealth and planning for their future because
16:05
Speaker 1: the other spouse isn't just it's just not interested in
16:08
Speaker 1: And that's okay as long as we update them monthly
16:11
Speaker 1: so that they know what's happening. It's okay for you
16:14
Speaker 1: to not like any of this. However, if you are
16:17
Speaker 1: solo like I am, you have to do it anyway.
16:20
Speaker 1: So we want to make sure you can clear all
16:22
Speaker 1: those beliefs out and get happy about it. Okay. We
16:26
Speaker 1: also want to be able to navigate the difference of
16:31
Speaker 1: how everybody handles money, what their money stories are, everything.
16:35
Speaker 1: So when we're navigating differences, whether it's different financial priorities,
16:38
Speaker 1: different comfort levels about talking around money, or just finding
16:41
Speaker 1: common ground, you might want to say something like this,
16:44
Speaker 1: It is totally normal for us to be different and
16:47
Speaker 1: we have different perspectives on money. So let's focus on
16:50
Speaker 1: what we can build from here and go through because
16:53
Speaker 1: one of you, each of you is going to have
16:54
Speaker 1: really good sentiments around it, and we can bring that
16:57
Speaker 1: into the relationship and have a good relationship with money.
17:00
Speaker 1: I love that. Totally love that. Okay. So now I'm
17:03
Speaker 1: going to give you a nice little gift. We're going
17:05
Speaker 1: to come back for in one more section, and you
17:08
Speaker 1: want to come back because you're going to hear it.
17:09
Speaker 1: It's going to be really good. You don't want to
17:11
Speaker 1: miss it. All right, y'all, come back now you're here.
17:13
Speaker 2: Wait, the show isn't over yet. There's more fun and
17:16
Speaker 2: finances ahead. Jennifer will be right back as we have
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Speaker 2: is back once again. Let's put the fun in finance
18:20
Speaker 2: with your host and weekly friend, Jennifer Jos.
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Speaker 1: Alrighty, Rock My Finances Club is so amazing. Okay, we're
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Speaker 1: going to dive into our last subject, our last little
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Speaker 1: content here, empowering you to own your own financial knowledge.
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Speaker 1: So every time we talk about our financial goals, it's
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Speaker 1: not just planning for the future, but we're also becoming
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Speaker 1: more confident and comfortable with our financial decisions. So we
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Speaker 1: handle money ten times a day, and so we're making
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Speaker 1: choices every day, all day long around spending money, saving money,
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Speaker 1: sharing money, whatever we're doing. If we do not feel
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Speaker 1: confident in that, we're not making the best decisions for ourselves,
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Speaker 1: planning for our future is hugely important. We also need
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Speaker 1: to be able to clear out those old beliefs that
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Speaker 1: might be running our world right now. And the more
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Speaker 1: we talk about our goals, the more we talk about
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Speaker 1: communication around money, the more confident we're going to be.
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Speaker 1: And you can actually build your confidence and make sure
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Speaker 1: that you're making the right decisions for you at this time.
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Speaker 1: So the more we have the little money talks, we
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Speaker 1: build that muscle like I talked about around the financial confidence,
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Speaker 1: And it's like any other skill, the more you practice,
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Speaker 1: the stronger and the more self assured you become. We
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Speaker 1: also want to celebrate. We don't celebrate enough. I have
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Speaker 1: all my clients do a money dance. Here's my money dance.
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Speaker 2: Woooo.
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Speaker 1: Every time something amazing happens, we have a money dance.
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Speaker 1: I want you to get it in your whole body.
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Speaker 1: I love my money dance. It's so fun. It could
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Speaker 1: be simple as easy as I mean. I love to
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Speaker 1: find things on sale. I love, love love it when
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Speaker 1: I get a great a great deal or something, and
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Speaker 1: I want to have that money dance, im accomplishing a
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Speaker 1: goal of something's coming up, even if I just have
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Speaker 1: my money date weekly. Yes, I am celebrating myself. So
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Speaker 1: when we celebrate ourselves, we're giving ourselves serotonin and dopamine.
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Speaker 1: So don't forget to celebrate, y'all. We really want you
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Speaker 1: to do that. So thanks for coming to the show.
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Speaker 1: I hope to see you again. Check out all the
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Speaker 1: other ones, and I want you to be able to
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Speaker 1: say I rock my finances.
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Speaker 2: We appreciate you joining us today, and don't forget to
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Speaker 2: subscribe to the rock my Finances YouTube channel for more
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Speaker 2: engagement and bonus content. Tell me what is your money story?
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Speaker 2: Let's find out with Jennifer right here on K four
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Speaker 2: HD Radio and Talk for TV. It's not about the zero,
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Speaker 2: It's about the F word, feelings, feelings. Jennifer can't wait
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Speaker 2: to explore with you next week. Until then, let's all
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Speaker 2: say I rock my finances.