Latest / The Christy-Faith Show / Ep. 117 - When Your Baby Won’t Sleep and Homeschool Still Has to Happen

Transcript

Ep. 117 - When Your Baby Won’t Sleep and Homeschool Still Has to Happen · The Christy-Faith Show

• 0:00
  Christy-Faith: Welcome to the show. I am so excited about our guest today. We're gonna be talking all about baby sleep, how ideas have changed over the years. Because I was one of those mamas who was told to cry it out, sleep train, Ferber method her babies. I'm realizing now with the moms that we coach that people aren't doing that.
• 0:18
  The tides have turned. I wanna know why. I wanna know what I did wrong. And I wanna be able to meet mamas where they are in their tired state right now where you have maybe a five year old you're trying to homeschool. You have a toddler all around your knees stepping on Legos all day, and then you have an infant on your hip that you're trying to breastfeed and is still waking up at night.
• 0:40
  And you're tired. You're tired, mama. So I have the best guest for this. I wanna say that she has a black belt and baby. Is that appropriate, Natalie?
• 0:50
  Natalie Diaz: It is.
• 1:02
  Christy-Faith: I've gotta put my readers on right now because that's how old I am. And I'm gonna read your beautiful bio because I don't wanna mess it up. So today, I am joined by Natalie Diaz. She is more than a lactation counselor. Apparently, there's this amazing fancy certification called IBCLC, which I want you to explain what that means because it means something like you have a doctorate in this boob stuff.
• 1:27
  She is an author. She is a podcast host and one of the most experienced voices in early motherhood support that I have come across. For nearly two decades, Natalie has worked one on one with thousands of moms through some of the most exhausting seasons of their lives. Newborn nights, feeding struggles, depletion that doesn't lift, the kind of tired that alters your stinking personality. I have been there.
• 1:55
  I mean, I, you know, mine was a little different phase. I am on the other side of finally getting my hormones right with perimenopause, but I did experience a level of exhaustion that changed my personality in the last year. So Natalie is also a twin mom, which means when we talk about tired moms today, we are not talking theory. She lived the most extreme version of it, so have I. I had twins as well and built her entire career on helping other women through it.
• 2:24
  She is the founder of Twiniversity, the author of what to do when you're having two, and the host of the Twiniversity podcast, Natalie. Hi. Welcome to the show. You are such a hoot. I just love having conversations with you.
• 2:37
  How are you today? I am delicious. Delicious.
• 2:40
  Natalie Diaz: I think that's the word of the day. I really I feel good. I woke up. It was sunny. The dog jumped on me savagely because she was starving, and that I'd rather that wake up than screaming babies.
• 2:52
  So, yeah, I will take a puppy attack any day of the week. But, yeah, thank you so much. That's such a wonderful introduction, a black belt and baby. I'm by the so stealing that.
• 3:03
  Christy-Faith: You you got it.
• 3:04
  Natalie Diaz: So literally can't even believe it. And, also, I have another new book called the newborn twin sleep guide. So that goes beautifully with today and the topic, and we're gonna talk about everything. But we are I don't know. I'm always willing to talk about literally anything, but that black belt and baby really is.
• 3:22
  My my goal is to just make sure that parents feel fulfilled by their experience. And although I am the an IBCLC, which stands for international board certified lactation consultant, which means that I am actually certified to work anywhere in the world. So it doesn't matter if you are in Brooklyn or Beijing. It is the same process. The physiological process of breastfeeding is not different through any culture or any like, every human, that's it.
• 3:51
  I'm I'm I'm made to feed humans. So that is where my degree came with the expectation of potentially writing a third book. As I stroke my my beard, if I had one, it would be kind of that long thing. But, yeah, I love what I do. I wake up every day excited to really make a better experience for a mama, for a papa, for even a grandma.
• 4:17
  It does not matter. If you need support, that's what we are here for. But, of course, we can only help the people that let us know that they need help, and then we reach out. But, yeah, we got a great network. Twiniversity was started, like, I it feels like 200,000,000 years ago, but it was started out of necessity.
• 4:33
  Like, I just I felt very unsatisfied by the resources that were available for twin families when I was expecting. I felt like a leper of the parenting community. And then everything is so different for us. Right? It's like we got more doctor's visits.
• 4:47
  We have more stress. We have more tests. We're under a microscope so much more. And then there's also the judgment of the universe. Like, oh, you must have had IVF.
• 4:55
  Oh, better you than me. Oh, double trouble. And it's like, guys. Yes. No.
• 5:00
  That is not and and it kind of reinforces everything that you already think. So it's like when people tell you, I don't know how to do it, I would just respond, I don't either. I don't know how I just get up, and I just do it because what choice do we have?
• 5:15
  Christy-Faith: Yeah. What I mean and it was what I remember being just out in public at a park and a stranger saying, are they natural? Right? Like, are your twins natural? Aliens.
• 5:25
  Yes. Yes. Well, and I had my twins in the LA twins scene, which was a scene, and I remember being desperate. I had the lactation consultant that specialized in twins where you go and you like weigh the babies, and then you feed them, and then you pump, and then you this and that and the other. And it was just such a roller coaster journey having those twins.
• 5:47
  And mine were a little bit early, not that early, not you know, but one of them was in the NICU for a while. And so you know, taking one home and not taking the other home. But I wanna ask you, I want to you to remember, go back to when you were the most exhausted that you ever were as a mom of newborn twins. What was that season like? And what got you through it, Natalie?
• 6:12
  Natalie Diaz: You know, it's it's very funny because mother nature basically puts a newborn you know, a a new mom's brain in bubble wrap. And so you'll remember things. Right? My twins are 21 years old. I remember things in theory, and then there are things that I could remember hardcore concrete facts.
• 6:32
  Like, I could tell you the color of the paint on the room in my postpartum recovery room. I could tell you that. I cannot tell you what I made for dinner last night. I could tell you that I know that it was a blur, and I could remember a lot of things in pictures versus remember them in the first person. Because you are it is it's so stressful.
• 6:56
  And I unfortunately had the golden ticket for postpartum depression as well. So that was definitely a struggle. I did not know what that was. I never struggled with depression or anxiety before, which is an unusual as a very type a New Yorker. I actually got away with murder for a long time, and it it came out during my pregnancy.
• 7:17
  So that was I thought that everybody just felt that overwhelmed. So I didn't think that it was anything special. And and my babies were also born early and were in the NICU for thirty one days. And then I had one home come home earlier, one stay later. So I remember that it was very, very challenging.
• 7:35
  And I can remember, you know, one time my daughter had very bad reflux and a lot of feeding issues, which is kinda what brought me to become a feeding specialist is that that struggle was atrocious. It was so sad. Like, still to this day, I wish that I had me because I know I I shouldn't say I know. I think I know what was wrong, but I know know doctors. It's so weird because breastfeeding medicine is this weird arm of medicine that is not taught in medical school or nursing school.
• 8:06
  So there are things even with gut brain health and knowing about intolerances versus allergies. Like, that's not something that a pediatrician has studied in the detail that I have now sitting in this seat. But I think that a lot of us do things to kind of undo our own past. Right? So everything that I do every day, I know.
• 8:27
  God God bless my therapist. I don't know how she's never let me go, but I never even went to a therapist until a few years ago. Because I was like, do I really need one? But I have to tell you, all sincerity, it is so fascinating how we talk about things, and you think that you unpack things through your life and you don't, then I'm still carrying a lot of issues twenty one years later. And so every day I wake up, I just wanna make sure that mamas don't have that same experience.
• 8:54
  And so like Gandhi said, right, be the change you want in this world. And that's what I did. So the day my twins walked into kindergarten is the day that I changed my career, and I have not looked back. And I everybody the the amount of times a week that I get people saying, you really love what you do, and I really do. And I say probably at least a dozen times a week, like, no joke.
• 9:14
  I really mean it. Like, swear to you. I don't know how I got to be so lucky to get to do this every day. I really feel fortunate. And every person that walks through my universe, be it twins, singletons, every walk of of the planet, every culture, because I work right by the UN in New York City, so I get a ton of international families, which that's where the boards the international comes in, because I'm ready for families of everywhere.
• 9:40
  But it is I am so fortunate because I know that they could choose anybody in the world to help them. But the fact that they chose me is never lost on me. Well, and I because I came on your podcast first, and
• 9:52
  Christy-Faith: we just had a blast. It was just the best time ever. I love talking well, one, I told you on your podcast too. In in LA, our favorite clients were our New Yorkers, and my parents are New Yorkers. And so but they're they were they were born and raised on Long Island.
• 10:06
  And so I just I just love how you guys shoot straight and are just so fun and honest and real. And that's what I love. That wasn't the LA vibe of the parenting space. So you're a breath of fresh air. But I wanna get back to, I think why and I think we share this in terms of our how much we love our vocation is don't you feel like you're redeeming this season for families?
• 10:31
  Yeah. You have to. Homeschooling four kids means I'm juggling roughly 24 different subjects at any given time. And a few years back during a particularly busy season, I hit a wall. I needed some serious help with the heavy lifting of teaching everything myself and managing schedules for four kids.
• 10:48
  That's when I found BJU Press Homeschool, and we've loved their courses so much that we keep going back. Some families use them for everything and love it. I use them for certain subjects. Either way, total mental load relief. Here's what my mornings look like now.
• 11:02
  Let us take science for example. My three girls do that one together. They fire up the lesson taught by a real teacher, well produced, actual teaching, not just click through busy work. And I sit there with my coffee, watch them, or make breakfast, and we discuss the big ideas. Every BJU Press homeschool course prioritizes critical thinking, a biblical worldview, and hands on learning.
• 11:22
  I just guide the conversation and pick which activity or pages or projects we want to do, and everything's already planned out. They have an online platform included for you called the Homeschool Hub, and it keeps everyone on track, both me and my kids, without micromanaging or nagging. And when I have questions, I call my Homeworks consultant. These people don't just help you get set up. They're available for you whenever you need them.
• 11:43
  It's like having a homeschool expert on speed dial. Go to bjupresshomeschool.com or click the link in the show notes to find out more. People are always curious what curriculum I use for my own family. And honestly, it changes. We've tried a lot over the years.
• 11:58
  Some work for a season and some completely miss the mark. But there is one that's stuck, CTC Math. It's a full k to 12 online math curriculum and it's won oodles of awards for a reason. It's just that good. I use it for all four of my kids, and they couldn't be more different when it comes to math.
• 12:16
  Finding one curriculum that actually works for all of them, that's been nearly impossible. You know that in your stomach when you realize the curriculum that you just invested in isn't working again? Yeah. That was us until this one. The genius behind CTC math is that it's adaptive.
• 12:32
  The questions adjust to each kid's level in real time. So they're always challenged but never crushed. And mama, it does the teaching and grading for us. Yes. You heard that right.
• 12:43
  That's a homeschool mom's dream. Well, especially for me when it comes to math. I would think it's too good to be true if I hadn't been using it myself. And it's not just me. Here's why it's become the go to for thousands of homeschool families.
• 12:55
  Free diagnostics show you exactly where to start, access to all grade levels so your student can fill in any gaps or move ahead, short video lessons that keep your children engaged, automatic grading with instant feedback, and progress reports so you know exactly what's happening without hovering. Math used to be our hardest subject. Now my kids do it independently. Here's the best part. Our listeners get 50% off.
• 13:20
  Use the link in the show notes to do a free trial or to get that half off deal. Don't spend another year kissing math frogs. This one stuck for us, and I have a feeling it's gonna stick for you too. Somebody has to
• 13:31
  Natalie Diaz: do it. It can't just be us. Right? Like, the thing is you have to. Like, what you do is so absolutely incredible and priceless.
• 13:40
  And the voices that that the voice that you have built and the voice that's amplified from your tiny little body is is really magnificent, and it's what people need to hear because there's so much static. There's so much white noise. And so when you could be like, okay. This is my person. I relate to her on, you know, a billion levels.
• 14:02
  Even if they just like the sound of your voice. If you could just have one voice in your head and then you digest everything, whether it's a podcast, a TV show, a YouTube video, you take that home, you digest it, and then you figure out how it applies to your universe, that is what makes you that's what may why I think you're so so successful is because you do have a very specific voice, but yet you choose to talk about so many different things. And you know I'm totally obsessed with the home, the home based learning. Like, I am in. I have regrets on regrets.
• 14:35
  I wanna turn back the clock. I want the way back machine to take me back, and I I wanna do over with my twenties. But what you have taught me with 21 year old kids is that they do not have to accept anything other than the best for their family. And so Yes. Yeah.
• 14:54
  You're bringing it into another generation. Although, technically, what we discussed on our podcast would be very beneficial to the listeners, I took a lot away from it.
• 15:05
  Christy-Faith: Oh, yeah. Yeah. But, Natalie, this show is not about me. We need talk about you. But the thing is
• 15:11
  Natalie Diaz: the people but everybody understands what I'm talking about because the listeners that are here now know exactly what I feel. So understand, like, I'm in your camp too.
• 15:19
  Christy-Faith: Yes. Just
• 15:20
  Natalie Diaz: two women who want better for the people at that the ears that this is going into. Like, we humbly want better for you.
• 15:28
  Christy-Faith: Yes. Well and so let's talk about that for a second because I want moms to love this life, to love their life with their kids, to even love and feel like they didn't miss this infancy stage when their, you know, their kids aren't sleeping through the night. Now in the homeschooling space, when times get hard, every homeschool mom is told, just put your kids in school. Like, that's the solution. Like, somehow the homeschooling is a burden, which it is not.
• 15:58
  It's a blessing. And that it to make your life better right now, you should put your kids in school because your baby's not sleeping or because this or because that. So let's talk about I wanna I wanna do that way back machine for a second. I wanna talk about two decades ago, every pediatrician was like Ferber method, sleep training. What has changed?
• 16:19
  Because you're probably have a better pulse on this than me, but I will tell you the moms in my coop right now, our generation, the moms who have our kids in like junior high and high school, we all did the sleep training Ferber method thing or a gentle version of it or whatever. It's kind of cried out. But all those moms in our co op, those beautiful young families that are having babies right now, they think that's child abuse. Like, that's how I the impression that I got like, oh, no. I would never do that.
• 16:47
  Can you explain how we how so quickly this came to be?
• 16:51
  Natalie Diaz: Yeah. I can easily. It's called science. So that's literally what happened, is that there were so much more studies that were done that showed us the benefits of, you know, gentle sleep shaping versus sleep training, because you train a dog. Actually, you don't even train a dog.
• 17:12
  That's the funniest part. Train a human communicate with a dog. So that whole training business really is so aggravating to me because these little potatoes that are born, they are not preprogrammed to sleep. They have not known anything but you. And so now you put them in another room.
• 17:31
  And for the record, for those of you that are choosing to cry it out, no judgment. If that's what works for you and your family, I'm thrilled that that's what works for you and your family. However, I am traumatized by doing that twenty years later. Right? So all like, fast forward oh, yeah.
• 17:47
  Only 01/20. 01/20. 01/20 was Okay. Was, like like, slept by neglect. I just wanna say.
• 17:53
  120 was so high maintenance, and I had to, like, take care of her. She was so fragile medically that the other kid, like, god bless him, man. My poor son. Like, he was just raised by like, he was fed and changed, and he was definitely loved. That's not no doubt about that.
• 18:09
  But he just slept because we had to really take care of her. Like, she was she was Yeah. Like, catastrophically ill, like, really bad. So we're lucky. Knock on wood.
• 18:18
  Fast forward, I know now that it was a dairy issue that nobody brought up to me a thousand years ago. She's still dairy intolerant at 21, but that was never brought up to me when I was breastfeeding. So I stopped breastfeeding because I thought it was poisoning my children. So but the thing that's changed is science. We now know that it is significantly more important to build a bond with your children and to make them feel safe than to just be like, good luck knuckles, cry, figure it out.
• 18:45
  They they don't know how to do that. That's not a thing. And what the way that cry it out actually works is that babies just give up. They just give up, and they're just like, whatever. Nobody's coming.
• 18:55
  Fine. I guess I'll I guess it's just me now. I never want my kid to feel
• 19:00
  Christy-Faith: like that. So bad. No.
• 19:02
  Natalie Diaz: Mike. Girl, I did the same thing. What are you feeling bad about? I literally did the same thing, but that is why I felt it was critical, especially for twin voices, because it is different with twinies than it is for a singleton, but that's why I wrote this book. So Kim West, who is literally the sleep lady, you could Google her, thesleeplady.com.
• 19:21
  She is one of my inner circle besties. And so she wrote another book about newborn twin sleep, and I'm like, girl, give me all that research. And I was like, let's do this together. So she did all the hard work. I have to be honest with you.
• 19:33
  She did all the heavy lifting. I took all of her clinical research, and then I wrote a book twin based. So that is
• 19:40
  Christy-Faith: it. That's where the
• 19:41
  Natalie Diaz: newborn twin sleep guide came through. And the thing is it starts during pregnancy. If you realize how babies sleep, why babies sleep, and feeding and sleep are so interconnected that you can't have one without the other. Babies basically have two tanks. They have a feeding tank, and they have a sleep tank.
• 19:59
  If one isn't filled, the
• 20:00
  Christy-Faith: other one doesn't work. That's why they they were having us do dream feeding. Are they still doing that?
• 20:06
  Natalie Diaz: Yep. Dream feeding is still a because we wanna try to satiate that potato so that they could have a longer road trip of sleep, but still have the necessary calories that they need to get through a day. Because babies don't eat per meal, they eat per day. So they eat per twenty four hour period. So they still need to have that extra.
• 20:23
  And if you're breastfeeding, remember, your children choose their meal size. So we have to have some bonus meals, because what if you just had like a baby woke up at 03:00 in the afternoon and just had a potato chip feed, but really needed like a rib eye and four, you know, loaded mashed potato feeds. So having that dream feed, which is basically a feed that's anytime after like a quote unquote bedtime. When I'm working with new families, and I work with families with sleeping, with feeding, with parenting issues, Forget it. Today today, we have a fourth trimester class.
• 20:55
  And also, for all the twin families that are listening, if you haven't found Twiniversity yet, we have a ton of free resources because I really I not that we don't have stuff behind a paywall, we do. But I I think that there has to be a certain level of free education that is for new moms because there's so much stuff behind a paywall that honestly isn't really worth it. And it like, you already spent that money, and so for free 99, which is what our classes are on most Mondays at 01:00 eastern, we do today's our fourth trimester class. We do a twin sleep school. We do a newborn sleep school.
• 21:32
  We do a pumping class. We do a boob camp about breastfeeding, and we do a twins delivery day boot camp. We have babies on a budget coming up because people do not realize that you have to budget for children the same way you budget for a car, for a house. I don't know how people are recklessly spending, especially in today's economy. This is not the time.
• 21:51
  And even if you are an Aster or a Rockefeller, and you have, you know, trust fund money, that does not mean that that's gonna last. And your kids still have to go to college. You gotta think about that planning. Even though they're only two months old, you have to have a strategy. Everybody's gotta have an exit plan.
• 22:07
  You have to have an exit plan for retirement. You have to have an exit plan for everything. So it was probably when my kids were, like, seven that we were like, oh my god. We didn't do anything. We're, like, totally unprepared.
• 22:18
  So I anything that I realized that I did incorrectly has become a twiniversity class.
• 22:24
  Christy-Faith: Is your child struggling with attention, memory, reading, writing, or math? If you're experiencing this, you know how heart wrenching it is to watch them face these hurdles. You've poured love, time, and attention into their education, yet the struggle persists, leaving you feeling stuck and desperately searching for answers. You guys, I want you to know about LearningRx, a proven program designed to help your child's cognitive skills, enabling them to think faster, learn more easily, and perform at their best. I'm talking getting real long term help here with things like ADHD and dyslexia.
• 22:56
  LearningRx is backed by thirty five years of research, and their results are transformative. Use code HOME 50 for $50 off your cognitive skills assessment. Go to learningrx.com or click the link in the show notes. Think homeschooling means doing it all yourself? Let me stop you right there.
• 23:12
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• 23:41
  Head to truenorthhomeschool.academy or click the link in the show notes to explore courses and get started today. I love that. And I was just on your website, and I was thinking, oh my goodness. So much is offered for free. Mhmm.
• 23:53
  And, you know, these principles apply whether you're a twin parent or not because how you help your baby sleep is it it applies to all of this. Now you mentioned something earlier that I wanna go back to. You said you were traumatized.
• 24:06
  Natalie Diaz: Mhmm.
• 24:07
  Christy-Faith: I get that. And I hear mom say, I couldn't do it. I could not do that, the sleep training. I'm very curious though. Is it traumatizing to kids,
• 24:17
  Natalie Diaz: to babies? We we have it. We have no real research that shows that it's gonna have any long term impact. However, it doesn't matter what happens to those potatoes because if we're carrying that, if that's our baggage, we're bringing that baggage into that child. So if we if we had a crappy night or if we had anxiety, and you have to remember, babies do not self regulate.
• 24:39
  They co regulate. So if they're losing their marbles and you pick them up and you're just you're losing your marbles, everybody it's like the house is on fire, and we're ignoring the smoke alarm. That's what that is. Now, yes, you could be somebody that would be like, girl, get over yourself. You could cry a little bit.
• 24:57
  You're gonna be fine. But all you have to do is just sit next to that potato and just say, you're fine. You're okay. We're gonna work on this together. We will do this together.
• 25:08
  It is it's it's critical that we understand that raising children is not an independent thing. They are not tiny robots. Girl, the other day, did you see on the news that there's this new robot in Japan that breastfeeds?
• 25:20
  Christy-Faith: No. Oh, brother.
• 25:22
  Natalie Diaz: Stop it. Am kidding. I am not I am not kidding. Kidding. And I I I understand technology, and I understand that we are better than we were when we were living in a cave.
• 25:35
  And I'm I'm thankful for the wheel. I am. But there are certain things that are just species specific, and we are just mammals, and we do not need robots raising our children. And every time I go to these baby shows, which I go to a lot of baby shows, there's like one big one coming up next week, ironically. So they have like strollers with, you know, motors, and they have new pillows.
• 26:01
  I always remind parents, if your grandparents didn't have it, you don't need it. Yes. Need and want are two different things. You don't need it. You may want it.
• 26:12
  That's fine. You get to have nice things. But we don't need a lot. The thing that your potato needs is you. And when they're losing their mind and they're screaming, they're just like, where is she?
• 26:23
  Where is he? Where are they? What happened? What am I doing? And it's so important that we realize that they're not crying to trick you.
• 26:32
  They're not manipulating you. Like, I hear so many times that even pediatricians were like, oh, you just gotta let them cry it out. But I'm like, do we? I did. So one potato, yes.
• 26:42
  One potato, no. The potato that I did was the chick who with all the medical problems, and we just got to seven months, and I'm like, I can't. I can't. I need this kid to sleep. Did she learn to sleep?
• 26:52
  Yes. She did. Was it worth it? No. I should have took that baby to bed with me, and I know that it is in full violation of the American Academy of Pediatrics tells me that I can't sleep in a bed with my child.
• 27:05
  But tell me why we're the only country well, we're one of the only countries that says that. Like, if you go to a third world country, you think that they have a they have a crib in another room? They're lucky they have walls. So it's so fascinating to me. This okay.
• 27:19
  Christy-Faith: I wanna ask you this question because you know how they were saying I really want I want the answer to this. You know how they told us we have to sleep our babies on their backs? Mhmm. Is that real? Because it just it never felt I did it.
• 27:33
  I was a paranoid mom with newborns. I did it. I put them on their back and then was like trying not to make their head flat. I don't helmets, whatever. It doesn't matter to me.
• 27:44
  But I just I don't know if that's real. Have they done more research on the sleeping on the back thing?
• 27:50
  Natalie Diaz: The research that they have is fascinating because I feel like it's very selective. Yes. Is research that shows that for for breathing wise, that potatoes are safer on their back because they can never get their little faces smushed. But then, of course, there's 10,000 baby products that are like, listen, we're gonna make sure your baby doesn't die in its sleep, which saying those words are so anxiety producing to a lot of people, but yet tell me one new mom that isn't thinking it.
• 28:17
  Christy-Faith: Oh, you're going and check looking in the monitor to make sure those little stripes on the pajamas are going up and down. And we had the pad. Now they have this Owlette thing. We had a pad. Our babies had to lay on a pad.
• 28:29
  And by the way yes. That one. And I will let you know that one of my twins, when she was new, the one not in the NICU, when she was an infant, she was laying in a in a carrier. And I was on my computer checking email, and I look over, and she was blue. An infant.
• 28:49
  She just started asphyxiating or something. And I I I don't know how I survived. I was literally in fear of their I wanna cry when I think about it. Maybe I have this is unresolved trauma. I I literally thought they were gonna die at any second if I wasn't if they were asleep, the monitor had to be there.
• 29:08
  And then that was probably a lot of postpartum anxiety too Yep.
• 29:11
  Natalie Diaz: Related to this. It was. And and you are definitely carrying trauma. Who doesn't? Who doesn't?
• 29:17
  Oh my goodness. Yeah. The only difference is is we're we're talking about it. Our moms didn't. Our moms just kinda, like, had a cigarette and a martini and kinda worked through it.
• 29:26
  At least my mom did. God bless her. No. She really wasn't that bad. I really shouldn't say that.
• 29:29
  My mom, she rest in peace. She'll but she's gonna haunt me in my dreams tonight. So, no, she was a really great mom, but they handled things differently, and the way that they dealt with emotions was very, very different. It was buck up. Right?
• 29:41
  Buck up. You'll figure it out. Now, certainly, there is a time and a place to buck up. But if you're really whatever is bad to you is the worst. So anytime I'm working with a client, right, if it's a singleton client, I could say, oh, sure.
• 29:55
  I could definitely roll my eyes and go, oh my god. It's one baby. Like, come on. Give me a break. Right?
• 29:59
  I could say that. But when you remember that everything that that person is experiencing is the worst thing that's happening to them, it is no place for anybody to judge.
• 30:09
  Christy-Faith: Right. Well, and also the level of postpartum depression or that that is so real. Absolutely. They're just dragging themselves, you know, one foot in front of the other. I wanna talk about that correlation because I do I hope that from today, moms, do you think they're gonna able to get a little more sleep after today?
• 30:28
  Natalie Diaz: Hope so. And the thing is if they realize that it's just like them, it's just like how do you sleep? What brings you comfort? What makes you feel safe? If you are not cool enough, if you are not comfortable, if you don't feel safe, if you feel stressed, are you sleeping?
• 30:47
  How are we expect a potato to sleep? Right? So there are certain ideal sleep conditions. Right? So cool noise.
• 30:53
  I mean, cool cool temperature between sixty eight and seventy two. White noise because your womb sounded like Times Square on New Year's Eve, and so when potatoes come home and it's quiet, that is weird to them and eerie. So we need white noise to kinda mimic that that sound. We need a nice swaddle, but you have to use the correct swaddle
• 31:13
  Christy-Faith: because Okay. They had we I put them in this, like, suit that zipped suit? Oh. Yeah. Yes.
• 31:20
  Are they those things were expensive.
• 31:22
  Natalie Diaz: They are. They still are expensive. So you
• 31:24
  Christy-Faith: Well, I was like, give I will take all my money, and I had sets of those things, and they would spit up so bad. I would just wash.
• 31:32
  Natalie Diaz: How much are they now a piece? I don't even know. But they
• 31:35
  Christy-Faith: they make it $80.
• 31:36
  Natalie Diaz: I bet you they're kinda the same, which is crazy. They're not more do they work? They work for some babies. So this is what parents need to understand. Every potato is different.
• 31:47
  When this potato is now breathing air and is on this delicious planet with us, it is important for us to learn about that potato. They are a new dance partner. You're not gonna win the trophy on what is the show that everybody dances? Dancing with the Stars. They're not gonna win on the first episode.
• 32:05
  We need to get to know each other. And this was truthfully, this was stolen by one of my clients. I have quite a few clients that that are ballerinas, and I don't know how I made it into the New York City ballet circle, but I did. And so I always find that I get batches of clients from different industries because of a lot of just recommendations. And for the record, I do no advertising.
• 32:28
  None. I basically have a website. I'm not on social media. That's a whole other topic. But I'm not on social specifically, intentionally.
• 32:36
  But I remember the first time that I met with them, and I said, listen. We have to get to know this kid. And she's like, oh, it's like dancing. And she's like, when it's your first day with your new partner. So does your partner like to sleep like they're thrown out of a moving vehicle with their paws up?
• 32:51
  Do they like the compression around their torso? Do they like it around their shoulders? Do they like the feeling? Do they like it a little bit on the cooler side, even or, like, cooler than 68? Right?
• 33:02
  Do they wanna be closer to you? Do they like the the bassinet? Because maybe a bassinet is a little bit more enclosed, so it's a little bit more muffling of sound. Do they want more light by them? We don't know these humans.
• 33:14
  They're just new humans. Yes. We are going to shape them a little bit, but ultimately, we know nothing about this person. And there's so many cultures that don't swaddle at all. So we have to find out, is that what your potato likes?
• 33:27
  A lot of my families from India don't swaddle at all. Right? It's too hot. But, like, what are what are what are they doing over there? So Yes.
• 33:35
  It's it's fascinating that we are just like swaddle a baby the ant. So it really is swaddle dependent. There's a great swaddle called like swaddellini, which would be great for families that have like a higher medical issue, but also that's just a great swaddle overall. There's the love to dream swaddle, which is paws up. There's the Merlin suit that you said.
• 33:52
  There are bazillions of them, And ideally, fingers crossed, you belong to some kind of mom's circle where you could get these secondhand to try out before you invest all your life savings in 17 sets of them. Yeah. So it's white noise. It's cool temperature. It's a dark room.
• 34:12
  We need them to know that darkness equals sleep. I'll have so many pediatricians that are like, let your baby sleep in the living room with all the light. Why? I can't sleep in the living room with all the light. Mhmm.
• 34:22
  Mhmm. If we wanna set the stage for not having to sleep train or sleep coach, why not set the stage now at birth? Yes.
• 34:32
  Christy-Faith: Well and I love how child centric this is because I feel like, you know, it's so we're our our missions are so in alignment because when I'm talking about homeschooling, it's what does the child need?
• 34:42
  Natalie Diaz: Mhmm.
• 34:42
  Christy-Faith: Let's build what the child needs, and and life will be easier because we're in we're not fighting nature. We're not right? And so that's just so fascinating because I feel like, you know, with the Skinner behaviorism, this sleep training thing was kind of like imposed on the children or this Yep. And I love that you said like sometimes they're not gonna have a full meal. You know, I'm thinking back to those that era where your baby was on a strict schedule, and it's like if they didn't you know, they weren't gonna eat again for this many hours.
• 35:13
  And and it's just that's just imposing our system on children, and it it and life will go a lot smoother. I have another question for you. I was told when when I was sleep training, my that's the word that we did used. I'm sorry if it's that outdated. But I was told that we really needed to do this because and by the way, we walk it was LA.
• 35:36
  We walked we were walked through a gentle method of it. Okay? So but I was told that if babies they've done research that babies who don't sleep through the night are adults that have poor sleep hygiene. Is that actually true?
• 35:51
  Natalie Diaz: So we we do have to help them learn to sleep. I think that there is definitely some semblance of truth. Sleep is important. Sleep is important to grow. If we don't sleep enough, our cortisol rises.
• 36:04
  That screws with everybody's endocrine system. Like, there's there's a lot that goes into it, and you're like, it's just sleep. What does it matter? And going back to what you said before too about the scheduling. Right?
• 36:14
  I make air quotes with scheduling. I I don't like to use the word schedule. I like to use the word routine. Yes. Because babies can't tell time.
• 36:22
  Right? Babies, like, we've been doing things before. Hourglasses have existed. Why all of a sudden do we need to keep schedule? Yes.
• 36:29
  We do have to feed a potato every so often to make sure that they are not undereating and therefore lethargic. So we do have to kinda push foods into some potatoes that aren't trustworthy yet at the boob. Right? We gotta we gotta develop that, but we have to develop that relationship. Are they trustworthy?
• 36:47
  Are they not? That's okay if they're not. They will be trustworthy. They just may not be now. But when it comes to adults, I I do think that there is some correlation with that, I will say.
• 36:59
  So it is important, but it's as as important for your sanity like you said in the very beginning. Everybody has to sleep. And so if we do not sleep, there's there's a reason why. There's a reason why a potato isn't sleeping. Is a potato not sleeping because they're not eating enough, because they're uncomfortable, because something in that room is bothering them?
• 37:18
  Are they itchy? Is there a tag on something? Like there are some things that we gotta take off the list before we even get to the level of ripping off the band aid with letting them cry it out, let's say.
• 37:30
  Christy-Faith: Yeah. Yes. And, you know, and also too, it's just really hard to mom when you're so stinking exhausted. Yeah. It's just it's hard to have a positive outlook.
• 37:41
  I was looking up some statistics earlier in preparing for this episode on just lack of sleep and how it affects depression.
• 37:49
  Natalie Diaz: Mhmm.
• 37:50
  Christy-Faith: And it really your entire body. It's like sleep is one of the most important things. And so so for the mom listening today who she has that baby, she's exhausted, she doesn't wanna do a Ferber method style, she doesn't feel comfortable with that, which we totally respect. What what can you tell what are some things that she could do or try? There was a nurse one time in one of those mommy and knees who she would she did a whole thing on the stretching.
• 38:19
  She called it stretching. Have you heard of that? Where when the baby wakes up in the middle of the night, you give them a certain amount of ounces, but then you do that for three days, and then when they wake up again, you give them fewer ounces the next she called it stretching. Is there a real word for that?
• 38:35
  Natalie Diaz: I would just say that's titrate, because I would be like, we're just gonna, like, you know, scale down. But there are a lot of there I'm not I don't wanna poop on any other sleep methods because if something works for you, it works for you.
• 38:47
  Christy-Faith: Yeah. Yes.
• 38:48
  Natalie Diaz: However, there are some sleep books and some sleep methods that are not very breastfeeding friendly. Now they would work they for would work very very well for formula fed babies, and I think that's great, but not even for pumping moms. Because babies, there is one specific sleep method that says that before your baby goes down for the night, you should give them seven ounces of a bottle to kind of pack them in so they could sleep longer. Physiologically, a woman can't make seven ounces. Interesting.
• 39:21
  So you're a tell so now what happens is that moms start to spiral because they're like, this book says that I have seven, so I should be able to pump seven ounces. No. No. You shouldn't. You most women and most potatoes that are breastfed will never have more than five hours five ounces even at a year.
• 39:40
  Because your breast milk is so calorically dense, and it changes. It's so variable where we know that formula is x amount of calories, and then you're good forever, so you do have to keep going up as the potatoes get bigger. But for for breastfed moms, five ounces is fine. So when people read that book, and then they're like, this isn't working, and then they call me, and I'm like, boo, we just stretched out that potato's belly. And now that potato always wants six, seven ounces, and you can't make it, so then moms feel lesser than when they did nothing wrong.
• 40:13
  They did nothing wrong. They just read a book. So I say, namaste. Whenever you read anything or hear anything or watch anything, you have to think how is this going to apply to me in my reality? So it is very, very important that we realize that because it is not it is not perfect for everybody.
• 40:32
  There's not one method that's gonna work for every family. We have to make sure that whatever you read, you apply it to your universe, and it's gotta specifically work. So for those moms that are listening right now, and they're like, girl, I am off the deep end. Could somebody please help me? And I also was thinking how different our coasts are.
• 40:50
  It is crazy. It is crazy how we do things so differently over here than you guys do, and I've done plenty of public speaking on the West Coast. And, of course, here, it's just my backyard. I'm used to it. But we are very, very different.
• 41:02
  And I'm not saying that we're gonna win this one on the coast, but we rip off the Band Aid, and we get down to business. We have to get it done in a way that's not going to leave anybody with shell shock. Like, we have to make sure everybody feels good in the morning. So the first thing that we do is we write down and we start journaling and cataloging what the potatoes' natural rhythms are. What time do they organically get up?
• 41:28
  What time do they organically get sleepy? How much do they typically eat? Do you do tummy time? Right? And of course, this is gonna be very variable depending on the age because there's a certain number of hours that potatoes need a day to sleep.
• 41:41
  So, like, a newborn could get easily, like, five or six hours of sleep during the day and then get a bazillion hours of sleep at night. New potatoes do nothing, but basically eat, poop, pee, and sleep. Like, that's it. We got nothing. Yeah.
• 41:52
  But those kids. Right? And so it's so easy for us in the beginning because we expect that to happen, but we could get burned out so easily, if there's an older kiddo in the house. So we have to say, how do we balance both? So I would say to new moms, listen, you take a twelve hour shift, your partner takes a twelve hour shift.
• 42:10
  That is your shifts, and do not worry about what happens when it is not your shift. That is not your business. And also, if we don't encourage our partners to jump in from from literally the beginning, they're gonna be very hesitant to jump in at the end. This is a team sport. Whether it's one potato, two, or three, or four, it does not matter.
• 42:29
  We do not do this by ourselves. And even for the women who do, like, have families that are in, you know, on military bases and other countries that are literally flying solo with twins when their partner is deployed. There are communities of moms and grandmas that will come help. You just have to find the people whether you pay it or whether whether you pay for it or whether it's free. You still need people.
• 42:51
  So once you have that, we write down we have we know the help of what time people are coming. We know we're gonna do a twelve hour shift. We start really tracking to see what our potato does. We start tracking how much our potato is eating as well. And not weighted feeds.
• 43:06
  I just need diapers. How much input? Like, many wet diapers a day? How many poopy diapers I have a day? That's how our grandmothers knew that our babies were healthy is by poops and pees.
• 43:16
  Not a weighted scale. There's a new weighted breastfeeding pillow that's coming out, which
• 43:20
  Christy-Faith: Oh my goodness.
• 43:21
  Natalie Diaz: So I'm like, come on, man. Could we just stop preying on moms? Could we just let them be humans? And could we stop with all the gadgets and stuff? We've been doing this for over three million years.
• 43:31
  We are capable. We are so capable. But there are so many voices in our heads. So getting back to what do you do today? You write things down.
• 43:40
  What do you do tomorrow? You look at what that is before you even start doing anything. You look at what the baby's natural rhythms are. You look to see when your tank was filled. How do you did you get to shower today?
• 43:53
  Did you eat? Right? So I I recommend that people consider living their lives in three hour chunks. Every every chunk should have
• 44:03
  Christy-Faith: Yeah.
• 44:04
  Natalie Diaz: A diaper change, a feed, a nap, some rest. And that goes for both of you. The potato
• 44:12
  Christy-Faith: Yes.
• 44:13
  Natalie Diaz: And the mom for me right now? Absolutely. Absolutely.
• 44:17
  Christy-Faith: Wonderful. Right? Did mommy did I have a string cheese? Did I have You
• 44:21
  Natalie Diaz: can have a string cheese. You could have some almonds with cranberries and a little bit of Manchego and a little bit our snacks are a little bit different. But, yeah, we have to I always say live in three hour chunks. Don't worry about tonight. Who cares what happens tonight?
• 44:33
  We have no idea what's gonna happen during the day.
• 44:35
  Christy-Faith: Yeah.
• 44:35
  Natalie Diaz: So if we have to fill up that baby's food tank and sleep tank, if that means we gotta do contact naps all day, you do it. Mhmm. Sleep begets sleep. The more potatoes sleep during the day, the better they're gonna sleep at night.
• 44:48
  Christy-Faith: Oh my goodness. That that phrase is traumatizing to me.
• 44:51
  Natalie Diaz: It's true, though, unfortunately. It really is. It really I remember with
• 44:56
  Christy-Faith: the twins coming back from the lactation consultant one time, I'm like, if I am told one more time that sleepy gets sleep, I'm gonna snap someone's head off.
• 45:04
  Natalie Diaz: Can. Try not to stab anybody. That's always I mean, the the visitation of in prisons with potatoes, not recommended. But I will send you commissary money
• 45:13
  Christy-Faith: Yeah. Just so you know. Yeah.
• 45:14
  Natalie Diaz: So don't worry about that. I got you covered. K? But when why why did you
• 45:18
  Christy-Faith: say that? So nap trapping, like, this is the thing.
• 45:22
  Natalie Diaz: It is, but you have to use it as a tool to get you to
• 45:25
  Christy-Faith: the next step. You can't get stuck.
• 45:28
  Natalie Diaz: So that means that if we know that the potatoes nap tank is filled, and we can't anticipate a better nap, like a better night, we need to have a nighttime routine. And so our nighttime routine should even as soon as that belly button hits the floor, we start with a bath time because the change of temperature for a potato is the same as the change of temperature for us. If we're losing our mind, if you jump in the shower and you physically change your body temperature, you will feel different. This is like a tip for every anxious person in the universe. Even if you could get an ice pack behind your neck or on the small of your back, if you are in the middle of a panic attack, you could be pulled out by temperature.
• 46:08
  Yes. Same thing for our potatoes. They're not having a panic attack. They're just losing their marbles because they don't know what that smell is. They've never smelled pork chops.
• 46:17
  They've never they have no idea what that light is. They never heard that sound. Everything to a potato is scary, and it's unsettling, and it's new. They never heard a siren. They never smelled lavender.
• 46:28
  Like, just they think just what's in your home. It's there's so much sensory data that they're trying to process that the one thing we could do, just stick them on you. Yes. Get nap trapped, but get nap trapped with the idea of getting to the next step. So we do
• 46:45
  Christy-Faith: So how do you put like, you mean, they fall asleep on you and you try to transfer them?
• 46:50
  Natalie Diaz: Or are you just nap. Just, like, accept that you are gonna be spending that whole nap with that potato. And if your potato sleeps on you in a carrier, in a carriage, like, it really depends. And this is and it's not like a pitch for, oh my god, call a sleep coach. It's a pitch that, once again, your potatoes are so different that there is no one size fits all.
• 47:13
  And I cannot understand how people are like, hey. This is what you do. Even in my book, it says, this is a plan a. Here's a plan b. Here's a plan c, because I don't know which one is gonna work for you.
• 47:27
  But I don't wanna say that my word is law because it's not. Your potato may be like with twenties, I had one potato, delicious sleeper. The other potato does nothing but choose violence. Right? So in hindsight, I would have left the sleepy potato to sleep.
• 47:41
  I would have been nap trapped by the potato that was choosing violence, and I would have sat next to her, and I would have put my hand through the slats of her crib, and I would have been like, girl, we got this together. We're in this together. You are safe. You are capable. You are delicious.
• 47:57
  Like, I would go back like, it's it's really coaching that potato to just calm down. Tell your nervous system, just take a break. You're okay. Yes. I got you.
• 48:07
  But they don't know that. They have no idea what these things are. I say every day, girl. I say every day. I would never wanna be a baby.
• 48:14
  I have no like, the thought of that that overwhelming thought. Remember in utero, your placenta was doing everything. Their organs didn't have to organ. They had to do nothing. And now all of a sudden, they're just loose.
• 48:27
  They're just free in society, and we're like, good luck to you. This you're gonna be like us, but it took us x amount of years to get where we are. We can't expect the potato to do that overnight. So if you you fill up their sleep tank during the day, you create a good bedtime routine, and then you see where the night takes you, and you just stay positive. Once again, that co regulate, not self regulate.
• 48:50
  Right? Am I calm? Even if I am losing my marbles, I am gonna fake it till I make it. Because that's what we do as mama bears. Right?
• 48:58
  I cannot tell you the amount of times that my kids come to me with injuries, and I wanna be like, oh my god. I'm calling 911, but I have to be like, oh, I didn't know a finger could turn that direction. That's amazing. Let's call the doctor. Right?
• 49:11
  We have to stay calm because it's not gonna benefit anybody if we're losing our mind. And so by by literally faking it till you make it and putting that on the puppies, that will make a better experience overall. But it's very dependent on the potato. So when you look at that chart, you say, okay. My kid can't go more than twenty minutes without a nap.
• 49:32
  Fine. Who said they had to? Right? Who said that they have to get up at this time? Who said that they have to eat at this time as long as in a three hour chunk, they're have a nice clean diaper, they get a nice feed, they have maybe a little bit of playtime depending how old they are, and they have a good little nap?
• 49:48
  I'm in. I'm in. That sounds great.
• 49:50
  Christy-Faith: Hey. Shout out to Summit HealthShare for sponsoring this episode today. I love Summit HealthShare partially because it's my husband's company. What I think they're doing over there is absolutely incredible and life changing for many families. What is Summit HealthShare?
• 50:05
  Well, first, let me start with one of my rants about health insurance. Need I say anything? Probably not. But the co pays, the denials, the in network out of network nonsense, having to get permission to see your doctor, paying thousands a month, and then them still fighting with you every time you need just basic health care. I believe so much in the freedom that comes with leaving health insurance and moving to health sharing.
• 50:31
  Now it's not health insurance, but it does replace it. And it's been around for over a hundred years. With Summit HealthShare, most families and companies save 40 to 60%, and they have a 98% customer satisfaction. You get to see any doctor that you want, even holistic ones. No networks, no permission slips.
• 50:51
  You ladies know how I feel about freedom. I want medical freedom too. Summit HealthShare has different plan options depending on what your family needs. You might just need major medical, and that's great. On our plan, we get a little bit more, and we get free labs, free office visits, free prescriptions, and no co pays.
• 51:08
  Our family of six has saved a thousand dollars a month. And if it sounds too good to be true, it's not. It's actually how health care should work. We've just been accustomed to overpaying for our health care, and a lot of us don't need to do that. So if you are on traditional health insurance at all, here's what I want you to do.
• 51:24
  I want you to go to summithealthshare.com. When you get to the homepage, you'll see the savings calculator. Go ahead and click that. It takes only two minutes. And when you see those numbers, what you should be paying for the health care you need, you are going to be grabbing the phone so fast because health care is a serious thing, and you're gonna have really personalized questions, and they are used to answering all of them.
• 51:44
  Tell them all of your concerns, all of your questions, and they will tell you full stop if this is gonna be a fit for you or your family. And tell them that you listen to the show because I want you to have the VIP treatment. Go to summithealthshare.com today, and the link is in the show notes. This podcast is also brought to you by The Christy-Faith List. Now hold up because I want you to know what this is.
• 52:04
  I'm really proud of what The Christy-Faith List has become. It started really scrappy just compiling recommendations because I was fed up with guessing which businesses and providers and doctors weren't gonna give me a hard time when I walked through those doors. And I had tons of friends and family members with nightmare situations where they felt like they were walking into an ambush situation just when they were trying to get help for their families. And I was sick and tired of the discrimination that homeschool families were getting. But since then, it has grown into a massive directory of colleges, businesses, doctor's offices, reading specialists, occupational therapists, homeschool graduates that are in business themselves now.
• 52:43
  You name it all in one place. Because why wouldn't we wanna do business with the people who share our values and actually want to work with homeschool families and not give us a hard time? It is completely free for homeschool families to search. And if you are a business owner or part of an organization that loves homeschool families and wants to reach more homeschool families and grow your business in that way, please sign yourself up. We wanna know who you are.
• 53:07
  It's the place where homeschool families support the people who support us. Go to the christyfaithlist.com today. Well, and I also think, especially, you know, I'm thinking of my experience and also homeschool moms experience where so I had my fourth when my twins were only 18 old, and they were actual dangers to themselves. Mhmm. Like, were I would look and they would be crawling up on a counter that they could fall off of.
• 53:36
  And so I the the idea back then, the idea of being nap trapped wasn't actually an option because my twins weren't safe. Mhmm. And so here's the one thing too. I think this is your messaging too is what works for your family. What works for your family is what you need to do on your you know, if if that nap what would you say to, like a homeschool mom often will depend on a nap time
• 54:00
  Natalie Diaz: Mhmm.
• 54:01
  Christy-Faith: To sit down with her five year old for five minutes to do a reading lesson. So for the mom who really doesn't want to be nap trapped, what are her options? Because that
• 54:11
  Natalie Diaz: would She's gonna do it for a few days. She's not doing it forever. Remember, we're never like, I would never expect anybody to live like that. That is not sustainable for anybody. It is while we're learning.
• 54:20
  It's the process of learning just like the moms that are teaching their children a lesson and reading to them. They have to teach this infant a lesson. It's it's the same thing. Are our children's first educators. Whether you homeschool or not, it does not matter.
• 54:34
  We are the first educators. I know we didn't sign up for it. I know a lot of people are like, I don't understand this. Can I pay somebody to do this? No.
• 54:41
  You can't. I'm sorry. We had kiddos. That's just what's gonna happen. So it's gonna be like four days.
• 54:46
  Four days is like, just expect chaos for four days. And everybody, the first two days was like, I was gonna give up. I said, don't give up. Trust the process because it really is a process, and I sound so crunchy, and I roll my eyes even saying it as a New Yorker. Right?
• 55:00
  I'd be like, I don't see results immediately. I don't know if I could keep doing this. But it is a process. That kid has to learn to trust themselves. It's not gonna happen.
• 55:09
  It's not nap trapped forever, but also, like, it it depends on, like, let's say they were in a carrier. They got used to sleeping vertically. Now we gotta get used to them sleeping horizontally. Then we have to get them used to sleeping independently. So, like, there is a process.
• 55:22
  So we say, okay. Where are we starting? Where do we wanna go? And let's come up with kind of like a plan to get there. So even, like, right before this this interview, I had a client, and she's her baby is six days old.
• 55:35
  And I said, don't worry about tonight. Don't worry about tonight. Here's what has to happen. Just take six hours today, and we're gonna try it out. Don't get nervous.
• 55:43
  And I said, if anything, you pull the plug. The only three things that we ever have to do is we feed the baby, we protect our supply, we address the problem. That is it. That is the and you have to eat. That was it.
• 55:54
  And you have to eat because mother nature steals everything from you to give to this potato, which is wonderful, but then we're left with sloppy seconds. So we have to make sure that we're staying hydrated and nourished. Right? Because we can't pour from an empty cup. I gently remind moms, hey, listen.
• 56:10
  I'm sorry that you're overwhelmed. You will be okay, and I have your back. Mhmm. And when, as women, when we hear that and we feel safe, when we feel safe, we could then protect our potatoes. So it it whether I do I really mean it?
• 56:28
  Could I have everybody's back in all sincerity? I've been managing it pretty well for seventeen years. I've been pretty good with it. I'm pretty good with balancing everything, but that's why, like, we need community. And we need that's why I say, who's with you?
• 56:40
  Who's in your house to help you? Mhmm. Right? Because let's say we have that homeschool mom, and she really has to read to that child at a particular time. Maybe we have your mother come over, your mother-in-law, somebody from church, somebody from the community group, said, look.
• 56:52
  UPS guy. Whoever is knocking on our door, could you hold this baby and make it sleep? I will be back.
• 56:58
  Christy-Faith: Yeah. Well and also the homes because I have the tween girls right now. My girls would for 25¢ an hour, they go over to to cuddle a baby. Yeah. So and I think and that leads to the question that I wanted to ask you, and maybe this will be the last one as opposed to the final question I wanna ask you.
• 57:16
  But what do you wish more husbands and pediatricians understood about what an exhausted mom is actually carrying? I think that, you know, this whole culture of this is our first, you know, we're in the we're in, like, a two hundred year experiment here where families don't live together as extended multigenerational households. And I feel like that has been the worst thing for women, honestly. The whole Yeah. The waves of feminism, like, I'm glad I can vote now, but there's some parts of the waves of feminism where it's like, okay.
• 57:54
  So now we're working full time, and we're still doing all the laundry, and we're still cooking all the meals. And okay. So for the homeschool mom listening, you know, a lot I would say the majority of homeschool moms nowadays at least have a side hustle because it's just so expensive to live now. Absolutely. But for the stay at home mom, maybe the working homeschool mom, side hustle homeschool mom, What do you wish more husbands and pediatricians understood about what she's carrying?
• 58:19
  Natalie Diaz: So I think it's gonna be very hard for them to understand what she's carrying. I don't think that that is even a possibility. Yeah. I think that it it is it is delusional of us to expect people to understand what we're going through. So what we have to do is we have to remember that we are not in control of what anybody else does but ourselves.
• 58:47
  That's it. I I the way that
• 58:49
  Christy-Faith: Oh my goodness. This is so empowering because this goes back to you do the twelve hour. Like, give someone the twelve hours and you yeah. So what I will say okay. Okay.
• 58:59
  I'm, like, so excited. That was like a major therapy moment right there. But okay. So here's something interesting is Scott would give me days off. But I was actually really good because of my business background.
• 59:09
  I was a pretty good delegator. When he gave me that day off, I literally barely even left my room. I I yeah. Bed days.
• 59:17
  Natalie Diaz: I call those bed
• 59:17
  Christy-Faith: days. I don't care what they eat. Nope. I do not care. Correct.
• 59:21
  And those those were a lifeline. I would cling to those days, you know, and I I kept thinking, you know, I have a great husband, a great marriage, but I'm thinking, what about these husbands that think that they deserve golf on the weekends? Like, what is that? Poor mom. But, anyway, go ahead.
• 59:38
  About the we can't control other people, but we can control so you go, girl. I can't
• 59:42
  Natalie Diaz: We can control the way that we respond to other people. Yes. That's the only thing. That is I'm gonna tell you that is my mantra of our family, and that I think that's a twin mom thing. I try to empower other twin moms because the thing is what I say to my kids, you can't control other people.
• 59:59
  But the other thing is I remember that I saw was the it was the title of a book, which honestly, I have to be honest, I never read it. But the title was people could only drive you crazy if you give them the keys. So true. So when it comes to your partner and when it comes to your doctor, it is fine to, like, express yourself, but they are they have twenty minutes with you, your doctor. They're not going to understand anything.
• 1:00:23
  So you're going to listen. You're going to record that whole visit. You're hopefully not going to go alone so that you had a backup pair of ears. You're just going to hear like, you need somebody to just be there ideally with you. But when it comes to your partner, you need to have this discussion if possible while before this baby is even born because there are different expectations.
• 1:00:42
  And when women do not realize the change that's coming, I remind them, we know these babies are coming every day. We could feel them. We feel like they they wrecked our universe. Right? We have these tiny little parasites that are just eating us from the inside out.
• 1:00:56
  We know that there's a change. For our husbands, it's like a frying pan to the back of the head on delivery day. They had no idea. And I I always say truthfully, and this this should be your feeding people too. I encourage the papa bears to join, whether it's a virtual call, an in person visit, a home visit.
• 1:01:14
  I actually require papa bears to be there because I will be the bad cop. I will tell them they are not doing enough. I do not mind. I that's where the New Yorker comes out. I love conflict.
• 1:01:27
  I am in. Mhmm. Like, that's I will tell anybody because
• 1:01:30
  Christy-Faith: I love it too.
• 1:01:31
  Natalie Diaz: At the end of the day, it's it's it's about making sure that that woman feels seen and satisfied and taken care of and nurtured. So when I remind them, listen. You married this person. This is now your job. She will take care of the potato.
• 1:01:43
  You take care of her. That's it. Yeah. And the That is your job.
• 1:01:46
  Christy-Faith: Secret is and the secret is husbands, she's gonna feel so loved and so seen, and it's gonna be reciprocal. Like, you know, your husbands, you're in for a treat if you just love on that wife.
• 1:02:00
  Natalie Diaz: Yes. But girl, they have to understand. Yes. They have to understand that because a lot of times women come to me, and they'll say, like, he's he's not understanding, or he's not anticipating my needs. I said, but he's not you.
• 1:02:12
  He can't anticipate your needs. He doesn't have the same needs. So unless you write them down, and don't write them down in a passive aggressive manner, just be like, hey. Listen. These are the things that have to get done this week.
• 1:02:23
  Which ones do you wanna do? Here's the ones I'm gonna do. Mhmm. That's it. Right.
• 1:02:27
  Just literally matter of fact. Yeah. Not a discussion. It's not open for negotiation. It is like, this is what we're gonna do.
• 1:02:33
  This is what you're gonna do. Mhmm. And just remind your partner that your job is to raise good humans, not another generation of women carrying everything on their back because it's it's impossible. And yes, and for the record, let me tell you something. Over here, I live in a very unusual situation.
• 1:02:51
  So I live in a multigenerational house. So I live with my whole family. I had the benefit of having my grandmother 17 stairs up. I had the benefit of my mother 17 stairs down. So where everybody lives in neighborhoods through the rest of the country, I live vertically here in New York City, but it's because my family got here from Naples in 1872, and we landed in the literal slums.
• 1:03:16
  Like, if you watch the movie Gangs of New York, that's where I live. I live in the slums. Now, of course, it's like bougie McBouge a lot, but we have they bought this building, you know, almost a hundred years ago. And so we have always lived generationally. So I am not a typical New Yorker.
• 1:03:33
  So when it comes to you saying, like, I think that there's a lot of roles of women in the city that that do have a deliciously balanced relationship. I don't. I have a relationship. I have a marriage from 1942. That's where my marriage is based.
• 1:03:48
  And it was very difficult for my husband to understand that he married a wife from 1942. But the minute that I birthed those children, I I I decided to leave that generation. And I realized that I could not do this without him, and I don't want to do this without him. Mhmm. And I remind all of my families, especially, oh my gosh, if I could get you prenatally, if I could just get you prenatally, I could set that stage for you to have like a real partnership from the beginning, and I could explain the differences of of kind of how things are going to evolve for your partner, even though you have no idea what's coming.
• 1:04:24
  And it's about delegation, and it's about communication, and it's also about knowing how your partner likes to be loved, how your partner likes to be appreciated. Did you ever hear or see the show Love Island? No. It's horrible. It's a horrible reality show.
• 1:04:40
  It's wonderful though. Have to be honest. It's a summertime reality show where all, like, these very foxy singles go to, a villa in, like, Tahiti, and they fall in love. One of the funny things is when we were watching this, the the first season of it, it was I think it was right after the pandemic. Everybody was telling everybody, my love language is, you know, gifts of gifts.
• 1:05:01
  My love language is words of affirmation. My love language is blah blah blah. And I realized that I was watching this with my husband, and I was like, babe, let's take this stupid test. Let's see what our love language is. So I knew what mine was.
• 1:05:17
  Like, could tell you. I I know exactly how I prefer to be loved and appreciated and what makes me feel validated. I'm good. Right? I'm almost 50.
• 1:05:25
  I'm right there. So I feel that. But I I was wrong about him. I was totally wrong. And I am with this man since high school.
• 1:05:34
  I am with my high school sweetheart. So for me to feel wrong, I was like, wow. Like, I really read this wrong. And the number one way that he felt love was just by spending time with me.
• 1:05:47
  Christy-Faith: Oh, isn't that sweet?
• 1:05:49
  Natalie Diaz: Oh, I felt so horrible. I felt so horrible. I was like, oh my god. This poor man. This I never spent time with him.
• 1:05:57
  I'm so busy. I am very typical New Yorker when it comes to that. There I have one speed, and it is pedal to the metal. That is it. That is how I run all day long until I crash.
• 1:06:07
  Christy-Faith: Yep. Oh, man. Yes.
• 1:06:09
  Natalie Diaz: I had no idea, and I think that it's always worth us checking in with our partners to say, okay. This is a very temporary time in our universe that we're gonna raise these kids as a team. Mhmm. Do we still wanna be sitting on the couch holding hands when they are in college? I I have to say, knock on wood, I I cannot wait to have an empty nest, and I really do mean that.
• 1:06:32
  Because I know in my heart of hearts, I have done everything that I could to raise those best kids. If I have to say the thing that I feel most successful about, it's my children. I if those were somebody else's kids, I say it all the time, I would be envious of that family. Because my kids are like tiny versions of me. They're weird.
• 1:06:52
  They're funny. They're compassionate. They're the first person to like jump in an emergency. They are they are community. They are pillars of society.
• 1:07:02
  And I really mean it. Like, for real. Like, I go onto their Instagram. Like, these kids do a lot, but it was always important for me to tell them it is not just you. You are not we are a team.
• 1:07:12
  And we are not a team being the Diaz family. We are a team for humanity. We are in this together. This is it. This is our only chance.
• 1:07:19
  You get one spot. What are you gonna do with it? Nobody ever dies and says, I wish I would work tomorrow. I wish I would have made more money. Everybody.
• 1:07:27
  All of my unfortunately, all my senior families, like, wish I would have just we could have just spent more time together. Yeah. So we try to plan even if it's just eating tacos on the couch like last night watching America's Funniest Home videos, like, that was fine. Like, I will take it. I don't squander an opportunity to be with them or to be with my husband because I really I'm still in love with him.
• 1:07:52
  And I love that my kids got to watch that. So my kids got to witness love, partnership, appreciation, admiration. Like, I love that. I love that when the kids were little, like, we would be smooching in the kitchen, and my daughter was like, get a room, because my mother would always say that to us. Yeah.
• 1:08:09
  And I want my kids to to know, like, it's okay to hug your partner, just smooch your partner. Like, that's my person. Yeah. And I want them to have that. I want them to feel that safety, and it's it it will be okay, but there is, like we are so off topic.
• 1:08:25
  Christy-Faith: But I know. But I'm I'm loving it, and it's like, how do we get here from baby sleep? But I you know? But we do.
• 1:08:31
  Natalie Diaz: It's all connected. It is all connected.
• 1:08:34
  Christy-Faith: And what you said is let's let's do this these first couple years as as a couple with our baby in a way where there isn't resentment later. And I think that's a I think that this is this is what is just so holistic about being intentional with life. It's that, you know, I often say, let's homeschool our kids so that when they're 30, they go, thank you, mom. Yep. That was a great upbringing.
• 1:08:58
  I got you know, I had so much fun. I had freedom. You gave me a great education. Let's do that now. Let's have our marriages be that now.
• 1:09:05
  Let's do those baby stages and phases now. And listeners, I just want you to know, I hope you see, like, meeting people like Natalie is icing on the cake for my job. This is just so fun when I meet people that just are so wise, so caring, and loving. I want my moms I'm gonna put, like, every link I can think of to you. Are there are there some top three resources that you want me to put up front in the show notes?
• 1:09:30
  Natalie Diaz: Definitely. Twiniversity.com for every twin family under under the sun. That's it. If you live on Earth, that is your website. That is your go to.
• 1:09:38
  We are we reach over a million people a week. We reach well over a 100 countries a day. We are translated into multiple languages. Thank you, Google. So that is kind of like my twin stuff.
• 1:09:49
  My regular world is tiny New Yorkers, and you don't need to be a New Yorker to benefit from the love of Natalie Diaz, but that is covered by insurance. So I am in network with many insurance companies throughout The United States. And if I am not in network with your insurance, I will become in network with your insurance if and when I am able to depending, of course. Some people won't let me in to pit because it's state dependent, but if they will let a New Yorker in, I will definitely try my best because I do not feel that people have to pay for education. Not everybody is in a position to be able to do that, and even my books.
• 1:10:24
  Right? So we got What to Do When You're Having Two and The Newborn Twin Sleep Guide. Like, know that those are available at libraries. So you could go to your local library, and you could get a copy of my book. You do not have to I I mean, what do what do we really make from a book?
• 1:10:37
  A dollar if at best? So and then that's shared with my agent and, like, everybody else. Like, give me a break. Like, no. It's fine.
• 1:10:44
  Go to the library. Buy this. Anybody who's an author, it's a labor of love. It wasn't how we were planning on retiring. And if anybody is thinking like, unless you're writing, like, a werewolf romance, I don't think we're retiring.
• 1:10:58
  Christy-Faith: No. It is so funny. I'm like, the book did not buy this cute outfit today, ladies. Right.
• 1:11:02
  Natalie Diaz: It's like, front of I'm
• 1:11:03
  Christy-Faith: getting when I was speaking at conferences. It's like, nope. The book did not buy this. But I'm glad you bought the book. Thank you.
• 1:11:08
  Yes. That's so true. We are yeah. So oh, I am so happy about this resource, and it's just so fun. I feel like you would have been a homeschooler.
• 1:11:18
  Natalie Diaz: I would have a 100%. A million percent. I would have done the pod is what I wanted to do. I wanted to hire a teacher and just have, like, eight kids in our apartment, and just that is desperately what I wanted. And everybody told me that's not a thing, and you're crazy, and why would you do that?
• 1:11:33
  And my kids were in six schools for the first eight years, because either the schools had closed, either there was an issue with the school that it was just off the rails, I didn't feel safe there, they didn't feel safe there, but it is it is it was a lot. It was a lot, and it would be one of not gonna say many regrets I have, but it's definitely one that I wish that my kids felt more empowered by their own education. Instead of having to learn this for this exam, which is gonna mean literally nothing to anybody. And I say this because I was a horrible student. I was a horrible student, and I am insanely successful, but that really depends on what your term for success is.
• 1:12:21
  Christy-Faith: Yes.
• 1:12:21
  Natalie Diaz: In my life, I there is nothing more, and I this is horrible to say, but God forbid something happened to me tomorrow. You should know that I have lived. I have not squandered my opportunities. I was right if we wanna go Hamilton. I took my shot.
• 1:12:37
  I took my shot. I take my shot every day. I text my kids every morning, go kick this day in the ding ding. That is literally what I text them every single morning. Make it count.
• 1:12:47
  Make it count. Do something for somebody else. One kind word can make a difference in somebody's world. Say it. Say it.
• 1:12:55
  You like that jacket? You like those glasses? Let it out there. But I have to tell you, homeschooling a 100%, I wish that I could have started more of that because they had to fit into a mold in the schools that they were, and my kids are not made for molds. I wasn't made for a Well
• 1:13:10
  Christy-Faith: and it's a mutual feeling because just how I've grown in this whole baby sleep thing and how how I did it back then is not how I would do it now. And I'm just I'm thankful thankful to have met you. I'm thankful that there's better options, better solutions, better things that we can do, better research now so that we can we can do better once we once we've learned and we know better. So Yep. I am just so happy that you came on today.
• 1:13:35
  I can't wait for my listeners to hear Thanks so this show and also to just tap into all those resources on your website whether you I hope you guys gathered whether you have twins or not. It's like getting a baby to sleep is getting a baby to sleep. So thank you so much for spending time with me today, Natalie.
• 1:13:53
  Natalie Diaz: Pleasure is humbly all mine. Thank you. Thank you.
• 1:13:56
  Christy-Faith: Thank you.