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How do Narcissists handle ultimatums? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we are answering the question, how do narcissists
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  respond to ultimatums when you give a narcissist an ultimatum?
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  If you're new here, my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  episode 986 of the Narcissist Code.
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  Boom. Welcome back.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Y'all. Closing in on the 1000 episodes.
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  Y'all 986. I can't even believe y'all been
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  here with me for this long. How long?
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  Like dropping the conversation? How long have y'all been
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  following? How long have y'all been
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  listening to me just Babble on about narcissists and and laugh
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  and entertain you and inform you.
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  You know, I appreciate every single one of y'all being here.
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  I seriously do. But yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
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  yeah. How do narcissists respond to
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  ultimatums? How should you give a narcissist
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  the ultimatum? So there can be a couple of ways
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  that narcissists can respond to ultimatum job.
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  We're going to break it down right here from the perspective
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  of a diagnosed narcissist. That's that's why you're here,
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  right? That's why you're with me,
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  right? That's why you.
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  That's why you here with me, right.
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  That's that's the mindset of a lot of narcissists job.
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  But seriously, this is the mindset of a narcissistic
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  person. Yeah, If you give a narcissist
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  an ultimatum, like if you're fed up.
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  If you're fed up, right, if you're fed up with a narcissist
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  and you just like, OK, I'm, I'm done with this person.
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  I'm fed up with this behaviour. I'm done with this.
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  I need some change here. I want them to do this rather
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  than rather than do that. Like if you fed up with a
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  narcissistic person, then you hit him.
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  An ultimatum, which is, if y'all don't know what an ultimatum is
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  to say, a final demand or statement of terms, the
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  rejection of which will result in retaliation or a breakdown in
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  relations. Like you'll break up with him.
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  If you don't do this, if you don't marry me, I'm leaving.
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  If you don't change your behaviors, I'm leaving.
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  If you don't. If you don't, stop hitting me.
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  I'm guarding the police. If you don't stop cheating on
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  me, I'm going to marry your dad. I'm going to marry your mom.
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  Do whatever it is you said. I'm going to leave you for your
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  brother. Will it leave you for your
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  sister? Whatever the dynamic is,
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  whatever the situation is, if you give a narcissist an
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  ultimatum, the one way that they will respond is they will just
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  absolutely refuse to do it. Absolute refusal because y'all
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  know most narcissists. I'm not saying no because some
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  react differently. Most narcissists hate when
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  people tell them what to do. They you.
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  They hate when you give them direction, When you they hate
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  when you just tell. Like when you when you are in
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  the position of power or authority over this narcissistic
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  person. They absolutely hate it.
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  So no, they're not going to listen to you.
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  Why would they listen to you? They don't care.
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  Like, hey, if you don't pick up the slack around here, I'm going
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  to fire you. Fire me, then I quit.
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  You see what I'm saying? They'll start doing yo.
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  They'll start doing more of the behavior that you want them to
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  stop. They'll start doing more of it.
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  They'll keep doing it. They'll escalate their
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  behaviors. Oh, you don't like when I hit
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  you? How about if I pistol whip you?
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  See what I'm saying? You don't like when I cheat on
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  you. How about if I cheat on you and
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  bring you Ste. home? Like, yeah, I'm just.
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  I'm going to cheat on you. I'm going to cheat on you
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  unprotected Now that's the mindset that a lot of
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  narcissists have right there. Like you cannot tell me what to
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  do. I am, my I am.
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  I'm entitled. I'm so entitled that nobody on
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  this planet can tell me what to do.
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  I don't care if I'm AI just started working here and you've
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  been the boss for 20 years. You can't tell me what to do.
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  I run. I can run this, but I know I
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  don't know that. I know.
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  I barely even know the name of the company.
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  But if you tell me I need to pick up my pick up the slack
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  around here or you going to fire me, I can do this job better
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  than you can, even though you've been here 20 years.
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  Fire me. I quit.
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  You see what I'm saying? That's what like, y'all they
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  will just do more of the behavior.
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  They'll just explode. They become explosive and
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  they'll become erratic and they hate it and they'll just go
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  into, you know, it's kind of like, babe, turn babe.
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  If you don't turn right, we're going to be on the highway for
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  25 extra minutes. Turn right, turn right, babe
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  Right now, turn right. They'll keep straight.
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  They'll ignore the exit. Oh, I know, I know.
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  I knew the Axis was coming. I just don't want you to tell me
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  what to do. So now we got.
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  Now it's your fault. We're going to be here for 25
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  extra minutes. They'll blame you for the
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  behavior continuing. You shouldn't have gave me an
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  ultimatum. I was.
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  I was going to do it. I was going to do it until you
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  told me I had to do it. Which is the day.
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  Yeah. If y'all believe that I look.
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  If y'all believe that, I don't know what to tell you.
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  If you believe a narcissistic person when they say something
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  like that, I I really do not know what to tell you.
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  Like, I don't know what to tell you here.
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  If you believe in narcissists, they're saying something to you
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  along the lines of that right there.
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  I really don't know what to tell you.
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  Because they're going to try to manipulate you.
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  They're going to try to, like, trick you and confuse you and
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  make it seem like the A lot of them will be trying to make it
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  seem like the behavior that you're experiencing is not that
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  bad. They're trying to make it seem
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  like the behavior, like you're overreacting and giving them an
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  ultimatum. They'll make you feel bad about
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  giving. Look, look, they'll make you
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  feel bad about giving them an ultimatum.
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  You going to You going to tell me what to do?
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  You going to give me an ultimatum?
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  Wow. You must really never care.
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  You must really not care about me.
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  Wow. Wow.
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  You a horrible person. I can't believe you would do
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  that. You would do this.
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  Are you that desperate for control?
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  You're so controlling you so you want you?
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  You so you're so controlling and insecure that you would give me
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  an ultimatum? Wow.
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  Who cares if we'd been together? If we if we'd been in a
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  relationship for 17 years? Who cares if we're not married?
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  You're that insecure that I'm going to leave you.
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  And who cares? Like if we've been married, if
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  we've been together for 17 years?
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  We have 3-4 kids together. We've opened up all these
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  businesses and got all these houses and cars in my name.
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  Who cares? Why do you so insecure that I'm
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  going to leave you? Wow, I'm not marrying you.
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  Definitely not marrying you now. Boom.
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  They'll make you feel bad and insecure for giving them
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  ultimatum. They'll turn around and attack
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  you for giving them an ultimatum.
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  That happens all the time. That's why it's like, should I,
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  should I give a narcissist and ultimatum?
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  I'm like, what? When somebody asked me that
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  question, like, should I give them ultimatum?
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  That's what is your goal? Are you going to stand on it?
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  Because if you give them an ultimatum and they don't do what
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  you ask, if they don't, they don't do.
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  If they don't give into your list of demands or whatever and
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  you don't leave or you don't, you don't hold them accountable.
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  You just give them more power. If you give them an ultimatum
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  and you don't hold them accountable, you just gave them
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  more power. And I know that sounds bad, but
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  like Lee says, it sound like victim blame it.
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  I'm not trying to do victim blame.
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  I'm just saying if you give them an ultimatum, if you don't stop
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  doing this, I'm going to do this.
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  And you and they do it again and they just say no.
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  I'm. I'm going to keep doing what I
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  want to do. And you don't hold them
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  accountable. You just gave them more power
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  because now your word means less.
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  You see what I'm saying? I'm not telling you to leave,
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  whatever it is. It's just saying think before
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  you get them an ultimatum. Am I really ready to follow
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  through with this? If they don't do this, am I
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  really ready to follow through with it?
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  You know, And another way, I'll say this right here, another way
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  that a narcissist could respond to an ultimatum is they do what
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  you want. They do what you ask.
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  Some of them, some narcissist can.
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  Absolutely. They'll absolutely do what you
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  ask. They'll do exactly what you ask
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  them them to do. But this is the thing right
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  here. Y'all, if you have to get
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  someone an ultimatum and it's something that they really don't
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  want to do, didn't you have to ask yourself that question right
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  here? They really don't want to marry
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  me, but they just agreed to marry me because I said I was
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  going to leave them if they didn't.
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  Is that a, is that a marriage you think is on solid footing
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  right there? Is there a marriage that you
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  think is going to last a long time?
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  Right there? Do you see what I'm saying?
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  Is that a marriage? Do you think it's going to be
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  built on? Is that marriage right there?
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  Does that marriage have a solid foundation, so to speak?
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  You know, does that marriage have solid footing?
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  Is that marriage going to, is that marriage going to last a
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  long time? It could.
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  But I would tell people longevity doesn't always mean
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  happiness. Longevity doesn't mean we're
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  we're going to be good together. It's just weird together.
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  So if they do give in to your demands of your ultimatum, it's
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  not a guarantee that they actually want to do it.
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  They're just doing it to keep you there like, oh, if you don't
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  marry me by the end of it, like let's just say it's December.
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  I saw this on TikTok very recently.
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  This is the actual thing I saw on TikTok very recently.
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  Y'all a girl had been. They've been they've been
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  together since high school. They were thirteen years old and
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  they got together, they 23 years old now with two kids and this
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  is like December the 14th or whatever she gave.
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  She's like if my boyfriend doesn't marry me or ask me to
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  marry him by December 31st, I'm leaving, I'm out of here.
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  And he straight up told the camera, he's like, I'm not
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  marrying you. Why would I marry you right now?
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  I'm not going to do it because I'm not saying this dude is a
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  narcissist. She's like, he's like, I'm not
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  marrying you. Why would I do this right now?
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  We've been, we've been together. We've been, we've been together
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  10 years. You already do wife stuff.
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  Why would you, Why would I want to marry you now?
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  Because you forced me to do it. And then everybody, the comment
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  section, like, yeah, why? Why would he do that?
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  You've already given him everything he wants without the
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  title. So why would he do that?
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  Now? You see what I'm saying?
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  Some of them was like said. And even if he and she didn't
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  leave, of course December 31st rode around and she was like,
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  y'all don't understand like that Life is hard.
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  And when you got kids and stuff like that, then why did you
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  bring it to the Internet? Y'all just so judgmental.
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  Why did you bring it to the Internet?
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  Why do you think we just like, I'm just telling you, she didn't
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  leave and now she has no power. She's going to keep threatening
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  that. Now he knows he's in control.
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  Now he knows he's in charge right there.
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  So if you give them ultimatum, if you don't follow through,
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  they they have more power. But then again, let's just say
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  he did just say, OK, will you marry me?
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  Do you think he. They don't want to do that.
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  They're just giving in. Y'all.
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  If they don't want to do something, they're going to, If
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  they do something that they really don't want to do, they're
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  going to half asset. They're not even half asset.
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  They're on 1/3 or 1/4 asset. They're on a 1/5 asset, 110th
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  asset. You know what I mean?
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  They're like, well, half asset in their space right there.
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  But that's the mindset right there.
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  Y'all. So give it a narcissistic
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  ultimatum. Ask yourself before you do that,
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  ask yourself, what's the goal? What what am I trying to achieve
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  here? And it do they really want to do
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  this if I have to get them an ultimatum to do it?
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  And if they don't do it, am I going to follow through with the
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  accountability that I stated in my ultimatum, in my in my terms
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  of agreement, in my terms and conditions?
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  Those are questions that you have to ask yourself because if
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  you don't, this is the type of stuff that will happen.
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  Y'all you just into these toxic relationship dynamics and just
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  you just strung along and dangle along for a long time.
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  Been with y'all. Thank you all for tuning in to
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  another episode. I'm truly grateful that y'all
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  are here. Make sure you subscribe to the
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  channel if you haven't already. Mental illness is out peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  You are a mental illness rock star and I appreciate you for
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  being here. If you haven't already, make
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  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
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  watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
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  fault on Amazon so check that out.
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  Thank you. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.