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99: Thriving After Trauma w/ Erika Erickson · Harder Than Life

• 0:07
  I'm Kelly Siegel, and this is Harder Than Life, a podcast about self-love, self-awareness, business, and health. We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple, practical advice you can start using today. Let's get living.
• 0:23
  Welcome back to the 100 Life Podcast. Today, we're joined by Erica Erickson, an Emmy-nominated journalist and public relations professional from Detroit. Woo-hoo! Renowned for her compelling storytelling and dedication to community causes like First Step of Michigan. After overcoming significant personal and health challenges, Erica has transformed her trials into triumphs.
• 0:44
  Embracing a Life of Resiliency and Growth. Erica, it's great to have you here in person, first person in the live podcast studio to share your inspiring journey and the lessons learned along the way. Welcome.
• 0:58
  This is a nice setup you've got here. Thanks for having me in person. Hey, you know what, fellow Detroiter, we're going to rap about a lot of things. I get a lot. Everybody gets excited about our 8 Mile. I don't understand. I grew up right off of 8 Mile. You probably never even go near 8 Mile. Where'd you grow up? I grew up in Canton. But listen, I was on the...
• 1:19
  See, okay, first of all, you just laughed right there. I was on the border of Westland. So when I went to Canton Public Schools, there were a lot of really rich kids. And, you know, Westland, I mean, there's some kids there who aren't so rich. Where do people – there's a little area in Westland that people used to cruise. There's some pockets.
• 1:41
  Was there a little spot where people used to cruise in cars? I went down there once when I was a long time ago. We're about the same age. Michigan Ave? I mean, that's close. I don't remember what it is. But yeah, I would say eight mile. I mean, I worked in Detroit for a long time. I did live in Detroit for a little bit before it got what it is now. Oh, what are you talking about? It's perfect. It's great now. It's beautiful. You can actually walk around downtown and it's pretty cool. I do miss old Detroit sometimes where you don't have to pay $50 for parking and you can...
• 2:10
  I think that's the new world we live in. Everything is, what are you going to do to pay me? So, all right, let's talk about, you know, hard to like podcast is about overcoming adversity, resiliency, and man, at reading the show notes, you have a ton of them. So we're going to, we can just skip over a lot of it. And I told you before this, first of all,
• 2:32
  This is a safe place. I want to make sure that you understand that I'm here. We're here to help people. This is top 10 podcast and it's to pay it forward. I grew up just off of a poor than can be. And I share everything. It was it was ghetto to the max. Ghetto to the max. I mean, shot. What stabbed? What else? What else we got ran over twice? You know, you hang around with bad people. Bad things happen. So
• 3:00
  True. I just, you know, I have a 15-year-old daughter and there's a lot of women out there that have had things happen to them. And we're going to share your story as much as you're comfortable with. And if it gets too uncomfortable, we stop. Of course. And, but let's talk about, you're a journalist and you are a journalist. So could you share...
• 3:18
  What first drew you to a career in journalism and broadcasting? It's interesting because there are some people who, one of my friends, Rupraj, he always wanted to be a journalist. My friend, Jessica Dupnak, always wanted to be a journalist or public speaking. I never knew what I wanted to be until I was at Wayne State and I had a professor say, you know what?
• 3:39
  I think broadcast journalism is your thing. I was, I was trying to figure out my major and I just, I love people. I love telling stories. I love finding the human element with things. And even when I meet people in the grocery store or on the street or
• 3:55
  I just I love finding their story. And that's really, I would say, what what drew me to that. And I and I still get to do that in public relations a little bit now and finding that human element. And that's, I think, one of the reasons I like your podcast is you you really. And now I'm here now. I say this now and I might regret it. But now I'm in the hot seat. But you get people to open up and talk about.
• 4:19
  some of the things they've been through. And I do like having an impact and helping people. And I think if we can tell our story or we can get other people to share their stories,
• 4:29
  and help other people along the way a little bit and maybe seek a different perspective, that's what we're here for, I guess. Better yet, what I say is we're not alone. So if we can realize, oh my God, you're thinking the same thing I'm thinking. Or you're battling the same thing I'm battling, let's do it together. Right.
• 4:51
  I always say misery loves company, but we also – your community is who just takes you and carries you. And we don't get to where we are today without having a bunch of people on your side. Success has company. So we're going to talk all about that. It's crazy because success can be very lonely too. Sometimes that happens.
• 5:16
  It's so funny you talk about Root Rosh. He emceed. I won some award from business award and he emceed it. And I was like, dude, this guy's nice. He's just a nice guy. Yes. But you know what? Everybody in your. And you know what? His wife. You got to meet his wife. I've never met her. She's. She is hilarious. How is journalism changing? Like you hear all the turnover going on everywhere. Why is that happening?
• 5:38
  It's interesting. I have this conversation almost every other day. It's, it's hard to pinpoint. I think just since COVID, since social media, there's a lot of influencers. There's a lot of people getting into journalism, I think for sadly the wrong reasons. Oh, to hear their voice. Oh, let me just tell you my opinion. I want to be on TV, but there's a lot of people who are in it for the right reasons. And I'm so glad they're still around. Oh, thank you so much.
• 6:07
  But the people who are still in it for the right reasons. But I think a lot of it is just people aren't getting their news the same way. People are getting it from different places and that's fine. So I think the way that people are delivering news, they need to adapt and some places are. And it's sad to see some of the old ways go, but that's what we have to do. We have to change and grow.
• 6:35
  You know what I get a lot of my information? ChatGPT. Because it just gives you the facts. No! I like the facts. I don't want the reference. No ChatGPT. You know, you can look up stuff on ChatGPT and it will not be true. So you have to be careful with things like that. I didn't know that. I looked up an old case I did and the verdict ChatGPT gave me was incorrect. Really? So you have to be careful. Okay.
• 7:00
  That's a good one. So what's one story or assignment that stayed without stayed with you even to this day? Oh, goodness. I just, you know, I can talk about there's a crime documentary that's coming up. It's called Crime Expose with Nancy O'Dell. And I talk about the April Millsap case. That story stuck with me simply. And I'll tell you why. Because of her mother.
• 7:23
  Hold on. Remind me the April Mills set. I don't remember what it is. It was, oh my gosh. Oh, it's, I get chills thinking about this case because just you think about losing a child. That's gut-wrenching enough. But not knowing where your child is, knowing that something is wrong the moment that they're missing. Right.
• 7:50
  As a parent, we just knew that day. This was a 14-year-old girl in Armada. She went missing. She was walking her dog along the Macomb Orchard Trail. And her mother knew something was wrong that moment because she had such a routine. Well, it turns out that she had been, and this is kind of graphic, I don't know. She had essentially been attacked and stomped to death by a man.
• 8:16
  who had clearly been watching her. This is in the woods. And I do remember this. James Van Callis. And they had no physical evidence. And they were able to convict him on all circumstantial evidence. And if you look it up in chat GPT, it says he was convicted and there was physical evidence. No, there was not. How long ago was this? This was, wow. The anniversary was just in July. This was at least...
• 8:41
  I don't want to be incorrect. This was several years ago. What happened to him? Is he still in jail? Oh, he got, yeah, he got life in prison and they didn't, nobody murdered him in jail. No, he's still alive. Dang. Where's karma going to, that should go straight to the wood chipper as Andy for Sala would say. Oh my. We're promoting violence already. Yeah. I am from war. You take the kid out of the ghetto, but they can't take the ghetto out of the kid. All right. How about, uh, can you describe a moment in your career that you consider your biggest breakthrough?
• 9:11
  My biggest breakthrough, as in biggest failure, that's what I would say. Ooh. Now we're getting into some good stuff. So I like how you just went in. When I said breakthrough, you went to failure. It's interesting how I kind of reframe that now because I used to look at failure. I used to pick myself apart constantly. I used to go home after every single day and watch my stories and pick myself apart. And I'd watch all the other stations and...
• 9:39
  and compare how they did the same story and just rip on myself all day. And I'd call my agent and I'd say, you know, I sucked and all these things. But I think my biggest breakthrough was when I was working in Traverse City and I was covering a plane crash and I froze on camera. It was my first live shot. And I just stood there and I know words would come out. I just stood there. And as you know, on live TV,
• 10:07
  One second feels like a minute. And on camera, it seems like a lot longer as well to the audience. And my photographer kind of waved his arm. But as in we're done, just give up kind of let's what's we're done with this. So I thought that meant we were off camera. So I just kind of pouted.
• 10:32
  Like this and just kind of, and I just kind of walked off. No, we were still on air live. And that was me pouting and walking off the camera, just off TV, no words, pouting, walking off. And I, in my head, I just, it was silence in the live truck. And I thought, okay, all right. I suck. I suck.
• 10:56
  This career is not for me. I'm terrible. And I'm going to be fired. And everyone, I'm going to get calls. The station is going to get calls. And I'm an embarrassment to this industry. I mean, we all have that self-talk, right? And you're sitting here like, what's wrong with you bashing yourself? No, no. How many times do we bash ourselves? I was just going to ask you, like, where did that come from? Where in your childhood did that come from?
• 11:20
  It's hard to really get into it specifically, but until recently I learned that I thought I just had anxiety my whole life. And everyone would always talk about this gut feeling. Oh, listen to your gut. You gotta listen to your gut. And I'm like, well, I don't have a gut feeling. I don't know what you're talking about. I just always have anxiety. And I never really understood
• 11:48
  what people meant by that. I don't know if that sounds crazy, but I just kind of did what I always thought I should do growing up. I looked at other people and I kind of, I guess I never really learned coping skills and I, you're what you want me to get into some stuff. I know you do. No, no, no, which I will. Whatever you're comfortable with. I, I, it's getting good and I can feel it. I can feel your energy. Yeah.
• 12:18
  Go. I'm so glad you're here in person and you're being courageous. What was great about that plane crash and the live shot story was none of that stuff happened, by the way. I got support. I got phone calls. I listened to my voicemail. And all those viewers...
• 12:33
  just embraced me and none of that self-talk ever happened. So that's when I realized, okay, I don't suck. I'm going to keep doing this. And every time since then, I remind myself of that day before I, before I went on the air since then, I reminded myself, this is just my anxiety talking.
• 12:52
  Let's talk about childhood. You shared with me off camera about your father. You know, my story is well documented. My father died when he was 46, drank himself and did drugs until he just finally expired. What went on with your family that could have created some of these limiting beliefs?
• 13:13
  So my father, I think anything you put at him, he did in excess. It sounds like your father was very similar. And my parents got divorced when I was four. And I just never really knew my father as anyone but a disaster. And just chaos. He was just chaos. He was walking chaos. And I'm not going to pretend that my father was this amazing person.
• 13:42
  Because I think a lot of people are afraid to talk about people after they're dead. Well, I'm not going to sit here and pretend he was a person he was not. Do I love him? Yes. Do I miss him? Yes.
• 13:56
  But he was not a good father. He was a terrible father. He was a fun person. He was always drunk. He was very charismatic. He was an alcoholic and I didn't understand that until later on. And he did have gambling issues and I think there was probably some infidelity and things like that. But he –
• 14:21
  I stopped talking to him for years because I was angry with him and his alcoholism. You know, typical things that you've discussed before. My mom would drop us off and he just wouldn't be there to see him when we're when you're I'd pack my little Hello Kitty suitcase and I'd be excited to see my father and he just wouldn't be there or he'd forget my birthday. And.
• 14:43
  The distance just grew stronger and I decided as an adult, I didn't want to talk to him anymore. So a couple of years would go by. And then finally, uh, in 2013, you know, we were, we were still, we were talking, but he got drunk and he slipped on some ice outside of a bar and he fell in a space and,
• 15:05
  And a waitress called me and told me what happened. And my siblings rushed to the hospital and he was talking and, you know, half of his face was bashed in, but he was talking. Yeah.
• 15:16
  And I'm like, okay, he's just, I'm named after my father, by the way, his name's Eric. And I'm like, oh, he's just doing, he's just doing what he does. Next thing I know, he slips into a coma and I wasn't there to talk to him. And, you know, we have to pull the plug on my father. And I beat myself up for years, years, years, years. I beat myself up because I didn't go to see him that day and I blew him off.
• 15:42
  And it took me a really long time to not only forgive him, but to understand his addiction and then forgive myself. It took so long. And I think that I finally understood. I understand the disease. I understand that he didn't choose alcohol over me or his, his children. He had a disease. He was addicted to alcohol. He, he didn't sit there and choose it over me. I, I, I told myself all the time, I,
• 16:13
  that I wasn't worth it. He, he, he chose alcohol over his kids because he didn't love us enough because I wasn't good enough. And I was constantly trying to prove myself in many ways with work and relationships. Like I said, people pleasing. I was just living my life that way, trying to prove my worth to all these people. And that is what part of what it stemmed from, because I was trying to prove my worth to him because I didn't think
• 16:38
  that he loved me or my siblings because, well, why would he choose alcohol over his kids? If we were better, if we were good, he would have chosen us. No, we were always, we were, we were born worthy. We were always good. Now you're saying that I, I may make you cry, but you're about to make me cry. Cause I'm,
• 16:58
  I feel all that. That's the same way I feel about my mother, my stepfather, and my father. It's like, man, you couldn't get sober and you couldn't stay sober. You couldn't do this for me? For me, yeah. I wasn't good enough. And that's what we tell ourselves as little kids. We don't understand. And even as teens, even as adults. And then it spills over. And if you don't learn, like I said, I didn't learn this until a couple years ago.
• 17:27
  I'm like, oh my gosh. And just so the audience, they're fighting. They're doing everything they can to survive. So it has nothing to do with us. That's why my favorite book, The Four Agreements, is that don't take anything personal because it's never about you. They are doing everything they can to survive. And yet the stories we tell ourselves, when we started this mess today, it was... We're just a hot mess. It's all good. The stories we... Welcome. Welcome.
• 17:54
  The stories we tell ourselves never happen is what you said early, but it's also, they aren't even true. No. If we could just take them back to neutral.
• 18:05
  we'd be doing ourselves a service. I literally was drinking the poison expecting my parents to die for 25 years. Like punishing myself with alcohol and drugs because mom and dad didn't love me. That's the answer. Sounds like you did it. But then on top of it, even though alcohol was a problem,
• 18:26
  With your father, you still chose boyfriends. And then I just read in the notes. See, I dated alcoholics over and drug addicts. Because you can fix them. If you fix them, daddy will love you. Exactly. I can fix them. If they just love me, daddy will love me. They won't. The mind is crazy. The brain. Oh, what we do. When did you figure it out? Those crazy brains of ours. It's interesting. Yeah.
• 18:55
  Like I said, this all hit me in the last couple of years. And one of the reasons I started to feel my feelings was when I stopped drinking or ha ha ha light bulb, feel your feelings. I, it was, it was in October. God, it was, it's almost two years ago. And I rarely, I won't say that I, I don't.
• 19:19
  I'm completely abstained from alcohol, but I went a really long time, probably a year and a half. And I only drink on special occasions. I'll have like a glass of wine, maybe two drinks at most. And, but most I'd say I mainly live a sober lifestyle and I absolutely love it. I would never go back and everyone's like, don't you miss drinking? No, I don't. I don't at all. And even if I have one drink, I have to prepare for like three days after, um,
• 19:48
  That's you know what that is. That's being 40. Just so let's unpack this a little bit because this year now you're going down my path and you're from Michigan. So we could talk about the things that people don't understand about Michiganders. Like there's always a reason to drink here. And if there's not, there's nothing to do. That's the reason to drink. It's cold. Drink. The Lions are on drink. The Pistons are on drink.
• 20:11
  Um, it's, it rains. Let's get together and drink. I know. So, yeah, I know if you go to California or if you go out West, it's, it's a lot different. There's a lot of people who, who don't drink. Well, I have a place in Florida and we go down there and you know, here it's like we go boating and you got to drink.
• 20:28
  But when you're in Florida, people are like, we have like a cocktail or none. And we have the same amount because it's interesting. It's a different it's you're right, though. Like when I was in Traverse City and living there and it was again, it was cold.
• 20:43
  The bars were packed. I tried every winter sport. I even tried snowshoeing, and I was falling over. And I'm like, what do I do besides just drink alcohol? What do we do? I have a story of me at the UNI. The UNI. I was wearing literally beer goggles. Some guy walked in with beer goggles, and he laid them beer goggles. I'm like, give me those. And then I'm buying everybody rounds of drinks. I'm standing on the bar, and it's just –
• 21:09
  Yeah, there's a picture. That's not my fine moment. We all have those moments, though. And I think you start... When did you start drinking? How old were you? For drinking for me was with my stepfather, and it was safety. So he would come home, and as soon as he hit that...
• 21:26
  his key hit the doorknob. I could tell what kind of drunk I was going to get. And was I going to get angry drunk who was going to beat me? Was I going to get fun drunk who wanted me to play him records? And then I learned very early. It was eight years old. And he would give me a beer at eight years old. And that was camaraderie to me. And if I drank those beers and played him records, I was safe and he wouldn't beat on me. And that was the closest thing to love.
• 21:54
  and safety that eight year old boy would know. So of course, that's what I took and perfected it all the way till 43. Now the 40s is when I realized, this is not conducive.
• 22:10
  I mean, here in Michigan, there's a reason to party every single night and Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, every night. And if you want to freaking get into it, you can get into it. And there's misery loves company. There's a lot of people here. And I used to say I had more money than brains. And we did. My friends had more money than brains and we would spend it on alcohol.
• 22:30
  Right. And you go to any house and if it's not alcohol, it's drugs. I've seen silver platters. I'm not kidding you. It's been brought out in silver platters. What drug would you like tonight? I've never been to those kind of parties. Never. Oh, man. So let's get into the nitty gritty about you. So as a beautiful, brilliant. Keep going. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.
• 23:01
  What would you say to my 15-year-old daughter that says, hey, she was at a party this week. And I said, hey, I don't want you to stay out tonight. You can go out. She said, why? And I said, because tonight everybody's going to rip it. And she went, no, dad, it's Tuesday. And I said, that's why they're going to do it. So what could you do to avoid that? Even though going through it, we learn. The smart ones learn. Some people don't. We all have friends that are still on that freaking hamster wheel.
• 23:30
  Let's talk to the people. Well, I'm going to interrupt you for a second. I wouldn't say they're not smart. I'd say they're afraid. Yeah. I'd say they're afraid. I think most people who don't change, they're afraid of changing. Oh, the identity that changes. It's scary. I remember when I made the decision, I was telling friends and they're like, well, you know, you're going to have to get all new friends. Yep. Yep.
• 23:49
  You know you have to do all – what are you going to do? I'll figure it out. It's just something has to change because this isn't the way to live. Either people are inspired to change or the pain of staying the same is greater than changing, right? And that's what happened to me when I had my health issues. And when I –
• 24:11
  Looked at my life and I said, God, I'm sick of these alcoholics stealing my money, stealing my time, stealing my energy. Have you been able to find love since you've been sober or soberish? I'm, you know, I'm dating, but it's, that's also difficult because people will say I rarely drink. And then you go on a date and they're hungover. You rarely drink. You just drank four cocktails in front of me. I don't mind dating someone who drinks, but...
• 24:41
  I don't want to date someone who parties hard on a Wednesday night. I'll give you advice because I'm a little ahead of you on that. I'm five and a half years not drinking. And I got to tell you, I thought I could date someone who drank. And I just, you're going to have one. And that's about it. Because if you need more than one, then you've got issues that I'm going to pass you by. So I would stick to the people that don't drink. There's a lot of them now. But now you have to dance, since we're a cannabis fan.
• 25:10
  recreational cannabis state. Now people are trading. And that's where you have to be careful as well. Because are they just replacing? This is the thing. I'm about to get. If people are just listening, I'm pumping my fists in the air. I'm about to slam them. People who are drinking and I'm not saying you have a problem.
• 25:36
  And I thought I was worried I was an alcoholic for a while. And it turns out you're just a Michigander. Right. I was just using it to cope in some ways. And I chose not to drink for health reasons as well. I just felt like crap all the time.
• 25:52
  But also, you're numbing yourself. Are you just going to choose cannabis? Are you just going to numb yourself there? Or are you just going to choose work? Are you going to numb yourself there? Because I've been there too. I used to be a workaholic and I still have to catch myself. I used to go to the gym seven days a week, sometimes twice a day. I used to numb myself. So are you just going to replace it with something else? I think alcoholism is just a symptom of something greater. And that's what you talk about.
• 26:20
  Well, it's trading one crush for another. Sorry, I'm just making sure that Sawyer wasn't messaging me. I don't know. Today, I'm waiting for another ghost to just come and absolutely strike us down. You know, feeling is healing. And we got to lean into that stuff. You have to feel your feelings. So when did it change for you? When I started feeling my feelings. So I was in a...
• 26:43
  I've been sexually harassed in like every single job I've ever had. And it was to the point where I was being sexually harassed. I was dating people who weren't good for me. Again, literally, I had to go into a gas station and show a picture of my of my boyfriend and say, was this man in here using my credit card? I had to do that. Lying, just absolute every area of my life was not working for me. And I said, what am I doing now?
• 27:14
  That's a lot. What am I doing allowing these things to happen? Because I had to take some responsibility. You know, you can't be in a victim mindset. If you're in a victim mindset, you're just you're you're letting life control you. You can't be in that mindset. So I said, OK, in this area, I'm going to take control of this, this and this. So one of the things was I'm going to I'm going to I'm just going to stop drinking.
• 27:40
  I didn't, I wasn't, I was, I was in the gray area. I'd party on the weekends, whatever. Another, I'm just going to, I broke up with my boyfriend and a dad who was the thief. And then I decided, okay, I'm going to take therapy seriously. You can go to therapy. You can vent. Fine. That's not going to do anything. You got to do the work. And.
• 28:03
  I just decided I don't want to live like this anymore. I can't do this. Things, things are going to keep repeating the universe. God, whatever you believe in is just, things are going to keep happening the same way and different. You're going to keep dating the same person and different bodies. You're going to keep having health issues. You're going to keep dealing with the same things over and over until you decide you don't want to. And that was, I just couldn't take it anymore.
• 28:33
  Man, you're just describing my life flat out. That's exactly. I just couldn't. The same old, same old was just not working. And I got to tell you, I had a lot of fun. It doesn't change overnight either. And I know that. So I'm not saying, oh, you just because I thought I thought I knew it all a couple of years ago. And I hope two years from now I look at myself and say, oh, that bozo. I want to keep learning. I want to keep growing. Yeah.
• 28:58
  Oh, I'm alert at all. And the funniest thing is, is the more that I've, the more I learn, the more I know, the more that I realize the least I know. I know. But that's good, isn't it? Everything you think to be true is hogwash. It's bullshit. It is. And, you know, I grew up a blue collar. My stepfather was, he used to say to me, he's like, I do my best work hungover. That was his badge of honor. A lot of people say that. I do my best work when I'm drunk. I'm more creative. I do my best work when I'm high. I'm more creative.
• 29:29
  Okay. I knew a guy that that was true. I actually hired him. It can be true. But are you high all the time? And I always say this to people. How's it working out for you in other areas? How is what you're doing working out for you?
• 29:46
  I ask myself that most people don't want to be self-aware. And we got an accountability problem in this entire country and brilliant entire world. Like everybody is it's somebody else's fault. It's it's the Republican Party, the Democratic Party. It's the way I was as my parents. It's never just you. And the moment you notice that it is you and you have the power to change in everything you have. It actually feels really good because then you say, OK, I'm.
• 30:12
  I have you have more control than you think. Where does I don't take anxiety medication anymore? I sleep better. And it's not just because of not drinking. It's because I know that I have control. It's those two little puppies that you have. It is my cute dogs. I know they're so cute. But I mean, you don't have to worry when you don't have to when you don't have to worry about what other people think and that they're probably not thinking about you in the first place. They're thinking about themselves, by the way. We're not worrying about what you're doing.
• 30:43
  So tell me about what now that you're on the other side is what do you think? Why do you think the universe God source? This ghost kept showing you the same things over and over and over. And, you know, the sexual harassment. I wasn't getting it. Yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah. We didn't even get to all the other sexual harassment. Was there sexual assault?
• 31:02
  I've been sexually assaulted. I had an issue with a teacher at my high school who has groomed me over a two-year period. Oh, God, that was terrible. It was absolutely – I wanted – I didn't know what was happening. I didn't go to my own graduation because I was bullied because he was a popular teacher. Was there a –
• 31:27
  What's the early... I was interrogated by the police and I was defending him because I was like in love with him. And people didn't believe me. This was high school? This was high school. You were in love with your teacher. I, so I told him, when you're like 15, think about your daughter, you have a crush on a teacher. You don't think it's a big deal. You're like, eh, I have a crush on a... You don't expect to tell the teacher that you have a crush on them and them to reciprocate, right? Right.
• 31:58
  You'd hope not. You'd hope not. Well, he did. And then we had this quote unquote relationship that was that we would talk every day. And, you know, AOL instant messenger, we would talk, be talking every day. He convinced me to break up with my boyfriend. Sorry, Kyle. That was the reason I actually broke up with you. It was because of him. He told me how to dress.
• 32:21
  He told me, he convinced me of these crazy things and it wasn't until my friend Stephanie, thank God for Stephanie. Thank you, Stephanie. Thank you, Stephanie. She actually reached out to me on social media. So you were 15, how old was this teacher approximately? He was 28. Okay, so he's a little, I mean, listen, I'm not condoning, at least it wasn't 50. I think, yeah, he was 28 when it's so. So was it, did it get physical?
• 32:49
  He wanted it to. I chickened out every time. He wanted me to meet him for sex. I chickened out. I remember specifically one time I said my car broke down because I was afraid. I was talking all this talk. At that time, it wouldn't have been your first time.
• 33:10
  No. Okay. So it was you chickened out because of the teacher. But I made it seem like I was way more experienced because, I mean, he would write, we would write these sexual stories together. He even wrote a story about tying me to a tree and sexually assaulting me. And it was very, very graphic, some of the things that he did, that he wrote. Whatever happened to him? I had a stack of emails, you know, that he...
• 33:38
  Nothing really. I mean, he just couldn't teach anymore. What do you think your part in all of this energy was? The reason I'm getting at is I'm not trying to blame you. No, that's fine. I want the audience. I want the woman listening to this to hear who she thinks is just a series of bad luck. Where did you make this luck?
• 34:07
  So this is what I thought in the beginning. I thought, well, at first, when you are a victim of all of these things, you start thinking, something's wrong with me. These people are using me. I felt like a shell of a human being.
• 34:30
  since before that even happened, I had confided in him about something else. And so even before that, I think he saw me, he saw that I was easy prey, I think. And I, what I really think is I didn't have any self-worth. And I think these kinds of people,
• 34:53
  And I'm not necessarily saying predators, but people who use people and people who kind of discard people. I don't want to just use the word narcissist, but, you know, things like that. They can sense that self-worth. And if you don't have it, if you're people-pleasing and you don't have that confidence and you don't value yourself,
• 35:20
  They push your boundaries and they will slowly test you. And that's how I got into an abusive relationship. That's how I got a domestic violence relationship. That's how I dated alcoholics. They would slow, they'll slowly test you and they'll slowly push your boundaries. I didn't have any boundaries. Which I just said this yesterday. It's what we fall to the level of our training and our, what we think of ourselves, not rise to the level of our experience. And it's,
• 35:46
  In many respects, that's what you felt like since your dad wasn't around. You felt like, well, this is what it is. Let's talk about some of the good things. So good things. You're very active in philanthropy. You're a part of different charities. Tell me how you got started, what you're passionate about, and how the listeners, because this is all a charity, how the listeners can support you.
• 36:13
  Well, I love First Step. First Step was, I say there's a woman, Emily, who saved my life after that teacher situation. And I just, I didn't know, I didn't feel like I could turn to anybody. I couldn't go to school. I didn't know who to talk to. You know, my parents, I didn't know who to talk to about anything.
• 36:36
  So I like to give back the first step. I work with them a lot and actually did empathy training at first step. And you think you are an empathetic person? I thought I was. Well, it's a daily practice. So if anyone wants to give back, Detroit Dog Rescue and First Step are probably my favorites.
• 36:55
  I got to tell you that empathy wasn't my strong suit for years. And now I find myself like so compassionate and so empathetic for people. And I can't stand watching people hurt themselves. And somebody, if I can help them, I can't. I try. But watching people drink themselves to death or do drugs, it just hurts my soul. So do you help them for you or do you?
• 37:26
  I don't, I meet them where they are now. Do you feel an urge to fix? I used to. And in the last several years, I've, I've stepped back and just meet them where they are. I mean, clearly you have this podcast that you want to help people, which is, is amazing. Well, I wish somebody would have helped me. Exactly. And, and I think that's what a lot, that's, that's what we want to do.
• 37:46
  I'm just gonna set an example and inspire and motivate and show people the difference between me and you followed me and you can see, I am who I say I am. I'm not, I don't have bodies hidden in the other room. I'm not out chasing women. I just mean, and I'm happy. And here is a Friday night after we're done here. And you know what though? If you're not happy all the time, that's fine. No one's happy all the time. Nobody has a perfect life.
• 38:16
  Life is hard. You're going to have your moments. I'm going to have moments where I'm pissed off. Allow yourself to be pissed off, but don't sit there and dwell on it for days and weeks. I got to tell you, that sounded like you've scripted. You've scripted it before. And I would argue that I would give you a thing. And this sounds this sounds arrogant and it sounds not being humble, but it's true. I do. I. I.
• 38:42
  You have a great life. It's not perfect. It's perfect for me. It's perfect for you. I have cultivated a life that I absolutely love and adore. Is there anything missing from your life? No. And it keeps getting better. Well, we want to be number one in the podcast. Hold on. Hold on. That's what we're coming for. Hold on. Time out. Time out. There's nothing missing from your life.
• 39:00
  Okay. I have nothing that I have no wants and I have health. I have my daughter. I was thinking about like, so it's gratitude. Have I made it? Have I made it safe that if one of my daughter's teachers, would she come to me? Because I know she would fear that I would kill him. And then I start thinking, okay, what more can I learn in that respect? So you got, this is how my mind thinks, but yeah,
• 39:23
  I wouldn't change a thing. I don't have wants. I don't have needs. I don't have gaps. And anything that I'm trying to do, like we're trying to get this podcast number one, we're just going to grind every day. Yeah. And good things happen. And it just takes time. So I'm giving myself the grace of patience. Patience. And here's one. This is the hardest one. Surrender. I know. It is so hard. I always want to talk work harder.
• 39:51
  Work hard. No, no, no, no, no. No, you have to allow and be. Let go. And some days like this week has been a butt kicker for me, man. And some, that's the way it's going to be sometimes. And you just have to say, you know what? You throw your arms up here. You know what? All right. All right. I get it. This is the way this is going to go. So what advice would you give?
• 40:11
  If my 15-year-old daughter were here, what advice would you – what's the number one, Erica, E2 advice that you'd give a beautiful young lady who's brilliant? Now, this is one of the things I will tell you. The reason why I quit drinking and quit doing the things that I did was for her because I wanted to be there for her. She's my wife.
• 40:33
  Nobody was there for me. You have to have your why. Yes. And she were like this. So she'd probably sit down and break it down with you and say, you know, tell me, tell me about your dad. She's tough like that. She sounds amazing. First of all, you know, and you're good. She's going to have slip ups and that's and it's life is going to be that's just going to happen.
• 40:57
  I would say the number one thing is what I was saying before is she has to know her worth and she has to. I didn't have that gut instinct. I didn't have I didn't trust myself until, like I said, my God, a couple of years ago when I started fighting for myself with my doctors and my health issues. That's when I learned to set boundaries and really fight for myself and trust myself.
• 41:18
  So if she feels that urge to say no when she wants to say yes, or she feels that urge to hide parts of herself because she wants to seem more acceptable in environments, or she feels like she...
• 41:36
  is sacrificing her needs or her wants to fit in, then she knows she knows she's people pleasing and she knows she's not trusting herself and she knows she's not being authentic and she's not being who she is. And, and that's when we get down that path where we start giving into peer pressure and we start, uh,
• 42:01
  Getting in those dangerous situations where, okay, this guy pushes a boundary. Oh, he pushes a little bit more, pushes a little bit more. Next thing you know, you're in a domestic violence situation and guy's got a gun to your head. It doesn't start with the gun to your head. It starts with a man texting you and asking when you're going to be home. That's how it starts. Yeah.
• 42:27
  So be smart. Pay attention. Love yourself is what I think you're saying. Love yourself. Yeah. What's Erica's cheat code to loving herself? Is there a daily mantra? Is there a daily routine? I have. So I meditate every day, sometimes twice a day. How long? At least 10 minutes, at least. I have to shut my brain off. And I think exercise and meditation, those are number ones for me. Whatever works for you. It took me two years to learn how to meditate. It's hard.
• 42:57
  I don't know what you do. I've been falling asleep during my meditations lately. Sometimes I meditate to fall asleep too. That works too. But if I have a feeling anxiety coming on, I will tell myself that I'm safe. What I'm feeling isn't real. And our brains are interesting because I thought I saw a car that I recognized. There's a person that still scares me. And I hate to admit that, but he does. Yeah.
• 43:24
  It's an ex-boyfriend of mine who still scares me. And he actually fled the state. He was the domestic violence situation I was in. I thought I thought I saw his car. This was about a week ago and I felt my body reacting. And now I pay attention to my body. And that's one thing I would also tell your daughter is pay attention to your body and how your body's reacting, because I used to never pay attention to that. I thought I was just I just had anxiety and I just thought I wasn't normal. So I pay attention to my body and I say, OK, what am I feeling?
• 43:54
  If I feel rejected, if I'm scared, if I feel angry, if I feel jealous of something, I take that as an opportunity to learn more about myself. And I think that is what we can do. And I take a deep breath and I just calm down before I react to things. See, my voice is already getting softer. I got to tell you're triggering me because I think I just feel...
• 44:19
  that little Erica didn't deserve any of that stuff. And that, you know, even that it's still haunts you. It just, I want to like, just call me the next time you think that he's around. I'll take care of it. I know. That's kind of did that. So my friends are like to the hospital are like, where is he? What state is he? And we want to go kill him. And I said, well, that's what's that going to solve. I'm going to solve anything. Although it would be nice to see him brought to justice. That would be nice.
• 44:47
  You know, I just I'm a big accountability guy. I think that I believe karma is real and it's going to come. But still, sometimes it doesn't come soon enough. So let's ask a couple of questions about being a strong woman. So how do you ensure your voice is heard environments that have traditionally been male dominated? Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.
• 45:09
  I love this. That's tough because I, I, I've read books, uh, you know, you, you learn, uh,
• 45:17
  how Barbara Walters got through some of it, especially in journalism and, you know, it's such a male dominated industry and how some of those women, I don't know how they did it. I don't know how they did it, but you walk into, I worked at the Wayne County Sheriff's office and I'd walk into a room and it'd be all males and it in uniform. And sometimes for a second, you have to kind of look around and say, okay, well I deserve to be here. And, and,
• 45:48
  I think that it all comes down to what we were talking about before. It's, it's just knowing your worth and knowing, okay, I'm here.
• 45:59
  I deserve to be here, not just in a job, but in, um, I feel like I'm getting a little bit off track cause I could go, I could go on and on and on. I got a follow up question. But I mean, I've been called a white bitch. I've been, I've been spat on and, and you know, those are just when I was reporting simply because I'm a woman or, you know, because of my race. And I'm not saying that that's right, but you know, it goes both ways. Yeah.
• 46:33
  I just, you know, I don't know. I don't, I grew up, the one thing that my father did is when he ran amok in the drug scene, he, you know, we would go around a lot of elements that were not probably suitable for a young boy like me. But it made me like very, I don't want to say tolerant, but experienced around all different walks of life. Like we were down on Harper, he's buying crack. And I was like probably five, I remember that.
• 47:03
  You know, and, but there was no environment that I'm ever, especially now that I'm a big, tough guy that I'm ever afraid or out of my element. And I think that's, what's the, that's the difference between men and women. And it's difficult to explain to a man that we have women and we have, I grew up just, I had this, I honestly don't know. I had this like tension in my shoulders my whole life just because of this hypervigilance.
• 47:30
  Because women, we can just literally get grabbed. And some guys will say, well, you didn't see him coming. No. Men who are drunk or at a club, yes, they will actually just grab you and there will be no warning. Other times, yes, there will be a warning. But that can happen. And there are times where we just don't feel safe walking to our cars.
• 47:58
  And I will admit it as a woman, sometimes we appreciate men and we feel safe with men and it's fine. And, and, and we don't want to admit it as women. I don't care, but we do like to feel safe. And sometimes we rely on guys to make us feel safe and I don't care. I said it. Have you ever felt safe with a man? Uh, it's been a long time and, and, um, I finally, I have, um,
• 48:26
  I have, I have, but I think it requires a vulnerability that I have not given in a long time. And I had one of my friends just call me out on that. He said, Erica, you keep saying that you're being vulnerable again, but you still have these walls up. And I, and he, he called me out just a month ago. Yeah.
• 48:47
  I was like, dang. But that's why I love my friends because I don't need yes men or women in my life. I want people who are going to call me out on my shit. That's good friends. I'm going to tell you something I've never told anybody and I've definitely never said this on the air. So I was a freshman at Western before I got in all the trouble and my...
• 49:08
  Who's the person, the people that take you around, the chaperones, when you go there for the tour? Kind of like old school did, or a road trip. Like I have a road trip. And she was telling me a story about her being raped. And I was a young- Your chaperone? Yeah.
• 49:28
  And wow, I don't know. You know, maybe it was something I do. I learned early on to get people to tell me I could get everybody's life story in two minutes. I don't know what it is like. I can tell somebody uses drug. They tell me everything. It's a gift, but a curse.
• 49:46
  Well, there's also people who overshare and that's a symptom of trauma as well. It definitely wasn't oversharing now that I'm healed. But it was long story short is I was questioning and my tone and tonality, which is still a problem to this day. It wasn't sensitive. It wasn't compassion. That's probably why I'm very sensitive when I ask these questions.
• 50:04
  But they then pulled me aside and said, you were so insensitive and she's hurt. We're going to bring you up on the board. I go, why'd she bring it? I'm sorry, but why'd she bring it up? And I just looked at him and I went, you know, I just literally wanted to know. I didn't. I didn't. I asked that question, Eric. I said.
• 50:20
  How did you just not kick him in the balls and push him off? And I'd never been in a conversation. Oh, you said that? I'd never been in a conversation. You've got to remember, I grew up in South Warren. I barely knew how to use utensils, and I didn't know. There are, as a woman who, again, sexually assaulted, and I'm not going to judge, I
• 50:46
  One, you never know what anyone's been through and what the circumstances are different every time in every situation. Two, when it comes to those kinds of things, there's there's responses, you know, fight, flight. And most the most common one of the most common responses to rape is.
• 51:06
  You freeze because it's it's your body is basically saying, OK, I'm just going to let this happen. Get it over with. It's terrifying. I mean, how many times have you been in situations as a child where you just do what you're told? Do what you're told? No, I didn't. Probably I got so much trouble. I fought, man. I'm a I know one way and it's forward. Well, you said you felt safe when you were drinking with your father so he wouldn't beat you.
• 51:33
  Yeah, right. That was me being proactive. I was fighting, being smart, saying, hey, you want a beer? Or was that you drinking so you felt safe and you wouldn't get beaten? No, it wasn't the camaraderie. It was the it was the former. I would bring and give him a beer. And hopefully it was being proactive. Right. That's all I could fight is an eight year old. But I'm saying hopefully he wouldn't beat you.
• 51:56
  Yeah, I see what you're saying. So it's six in one half dozen the other. But at the end of the day, it's I know one way and it's forward. All I'm saying is people can't control what their body does when they're in different types of traumatic situations. And sometimes the only thing you know what to do is to freeze. I've since learned that. I had somebody on very early when I first started. Which is one of the reasons why a lot of people don't report those kinds. They're embarrassed.
• 52:26
  or alcohol is involved or drugs. We're talking about Rachel Luna. She had the same thing happen. Amazing. She went out and got with a friend and he raped her and she just was drunk and didn't know. She couldn't even explain what happened. So she's like, did I say yes? I don't know. Exactly. And that's one of the reasons people, rapes are actually underreported and there are men who are raped and there are, you know, you get into the transgender and gay community. I mean, it's probably underreported even more.
• 52:55
  We're going all over the place. This podcast is something else. Let's talk about, again, I'm going to try to turn this thing positive or bring it home. Can you share a moment when you felt particularly empowered as a woman in your field and what it taught you about your own strengths? I would say when I can get, when I can get people who
• 53:21
  I'll walk into, like you talk about the ghetto, when I can walk into a situation where...
• 53:28
  There are people who are hard and they have just lived the hardest lives and you can just see it. They don't even want to talk to you. They don't want to just get out of my face. Don't talk to me. And that's, that's when I feel the most empowered and when I can reach those people. Because all they want to do is feel heard.
• 54:00
  I remember a situation where I think it was on the east side. My photographer and I showed up to a scene and the whole family was out. Someone was shot and killed. And this guy just pulled up his shirt and he showed me his weapon, basically as in get the hell out of here. We don't want to talk to you. So we were walking away and we were not going to record anything, but I just kind of talked to him for a second. And he started telling me what was going on.
• 54:30
  And he just wanted to talk to somebody. Most of these people just want to talk to somebody. They just want to feel like there's somebody listening. And that's when I feel empowered. I feel empowered when I can reach somebody and that kind of light in their eyes is...
• 54:49
  Kind of sounds so corny. I know. No, but you need to hear this right now in the, in this political climate because it needs this kind of compassion and seek to be interested more than interesting. People just seem angry, but they're not, they're just in pain or they're just, they, they don't, they feel invisible and they feel like people don't understand. Um,
• 55:10
  But most of the time they just need to be, they want to feel like somebody is listening to them. So a lot of the times people just yell louder or they slam something or they are name calling. But that's the way that they were taught to communicate. And that's sad. But if you sit there for a second and you shut up,
• 55:37
  and you listen for a minute, and you don't just listen to respond, you actually listen to understand what they're saying,
• 55:46
  without trying to just throw back advice or your own thoughts and you actually listen to what they're saying. Stop right there. That's about the men. That's all of our problems. But we have, we're about 80% men to listen to this right now. We're trying to two ears and one mouth for a reason. We're always trying to fix it. So the relationship advice from Kelly Siegel, just listen, you don't have to solve anything.
• 56:10
  You don't have to always solve. Sometimes you just need to listen. Always. Always. Sometimes people don't even want to talk. They just want to sit there and just maybe they just need to lean their head on your shoulder. And I have hugs, by the way. My staff brings that up all the time. What do you think I would do here? You probably hug us.
• 56:31
  Right. That's the best thing. People don't want to talk like there was a mother who I remember this mother and she didn't want to do an interview. She don't want to talk. She eventually did one, but her kid was killed and she just wanted to sit on the porch and she wanted to cry on my shoulder. That was all she wanted to do for a minute. That was it. Why are you in journalism anymore? You seem to be. Well, I left.
• 56:53
  I left because I had those health issues and I had to get better. And I'm, and I'm, and I'm, are you going to get back? We talked a little bit. I'm good right now. I, I feel amazing. I don't know. I'm so open to everything. Where's the accountability in journalism though, anymore? Like, like,
• 57:10
  It's just become such an opinion. Why can't we just get back to recording, reporting the facts? Why does it have to be like you watch The View and it's it's. Oh, God. You watch The View? No, it literally is just entertainment. The things that come out of some of their mouths and how they. I love when someone goes there who's highly educated and absolutely listens to them and then gets right back at them and gives up because they don't know how to handle it.
• 57:39
  I love it. That's when it gets good. When you say don't raise your voice, raise your argument or raise your reasoning. Yes. And who's great at that. You shouldn't have to raise your voice. Some of those people are really like I find J.D. Vance because, you know, hillbilly allergy. It's like that's the way I was. Except for when Charlie Langton asks him what makes him smile and what makes him happy.
• 58:02
  Oh, what did he say? I didn't see it. Oh, goodness. I didn't see it. J.D. Vance said, well, bogus questions from the media, and then he laughed, and that went viral. Oh. Because – So he doesn't have a very good sense of humor. Because the easy response would have been, well, you know, my kids, my family, anything but coming back at Charlie. Did you watch the movie? Yeah.
• 58:26
  I did not see the movie. I'm going to watch the movie. I want to read the book. It was so good. It was very triggering to me. It's I had. So what? OK, when you say triggering, I say, well, what does that reveal about yourself? That I still have work to do. That I still work in progress. I mean, I'm never going to stop. I'll be 120 years old. Yeah. Working on it. I just. Yes. I love.
• 58:47
  what's next? That's what I mean by my life. It's like, I love right here, right now. And like I say all the time, you know, adversity, I said earlier, adversity freaking just left. It's here or it's on its way. So we got to get comfortable in that. And the weirdest thing about it with me is my life has been so chaotic that I'm so used to chaos that when it gets normal. I know. That's why I'm so proud to say,
• 59:11
  Yeah, my life's good right now. And I'm okay with it. Because I used to have to run out and create chaos because that's what I used to do. I was going to say, it's not chaotic. That's how I was.
• 59:19
  No chaos. And as a matter of fact, if chaos comes, I go running. And that's kind of what I talk about with my daughter. It's, I just want to, I, after hearing all this, it makes me very proud as a father. And, and I don't blow my own horn often and I need to do that more, but I'm, I've re I'm done a really good job being a father and we'll see. I mean, it's still, it's not done. She's only 15. So, but this is the thing you can't also, you can, if she slips up, you can't say, well,
• 59:48
  there's a father or I have more work to do. She's going to slip up. We talk about it. Because that's life. Are you going to make mistakes? And that's life. And I want her to say. But the world's going to come at her too. And maybe things won't be her fault either. Yeah. I want her to say, I'm going to call dad, not dad's going to kill me. Or worst yet, dad's going to kill this guy. But the good news is that I got a big enough.
• 1:00:12
  But she's also not going to tell you things because you're her dad. Actually, we have a pretty... Doesn't matter. I know, I know. You're still her dad. I tried. And she's not going to tell you things because you're her dad. She still tries to hide the boyfriend from me. And babe, I do know you have boyfriends. So I know you listen to this and I know your friends listen to this. And they better be nice to you because I've set a high bar. So we're going to have some fun questions now. Okay. I put some... We can...
• 1:00:36
  After you threaten your daughter, let's get into the... No, I only threaten the boys. And they were all here. She had a party here on Wednesday and all the guys. I try to stay out of her way and let her do her thing because then they want to talk to me. And I don't mind, but I just don't want to scare them. I'm a big posing personality and I just like doing what I do. Just scare them a little. Yeah, a little bit. If you could have dinner with any fictional character who's alive or dead, who would it be and why?
• 1:01:03
  Fictional. Ooh, who's your person? I got to think of this one. Yeah, there's so many. I'm a big Martin Luther King fan. Who is it? I think he's one of the best all-raters of all time. And I would just like to sit down with him and say, tell me the courage that you had. I'd like to sit down with Winston Churchill. He brought...
• 1:01:30
  I was going to say like a musician. This is terrible. You're picking all these.
• 1:01:35
  I don't know. And I said fictional, but I mean any person. I just want to see the people know about you. It's just I'm fascinated by people. Someone I'd like to sit down with here and then I'm going to figure out a way to do is Joe Dispenza. I'm fascinated by the way his mind thinks and the energy. So I'm big into this energy stuff. I can feel you and I'm a foot away from you. And I like that.
• 1:02:03
  But you don't believe in ghosts? Oh, no, I do. Oh, you do? I believe in aliens and ghosts. Oh. I've never gone there. I believe in aliens and ghosts. It's all energy. It is. So I – And you have to make sure the energy you're putting out is – Sometimes it's hard. So who is your person?
• 1:02:22
  I don't know. My younger self, maybe. What's the best concert you've ever been to then? Which was favorite? Billy Joel and John. Really? Yeah, that was my favorite concert. Was it the one in Detroit? Yeah. They were singing each other's songs. They were switching pianos. I'm going to see Billy Joel again with my sister. Coming up. I love Billy Joel. I can't wait. Piano Man is such a good song. I'm such an old lady. You can't help but smile when you hear Piano Man.
• 1:02:50
  And Vienna. It's one of my favorites. What's that other one? Uptown Girl. What's the most bizarre or hilarious misunderstanding you've encountered during a live broadcast? Oh, my gosh. Misunderstanding. Anybody ever expose themselves to you? On air? Yeah.
• 1:03:12
  I know they did it without on air. Oh, gosh. Yeah, we get those pictures. How many pictures you get? How's your DMs look? Why do men think we want dick pics? We don't want dick pics. I don't know. It's like we're being assaulted when we open our inbox. God.
• 1:03:34
  Why do that? Gentlemen. Stop it. Somebody take a screenshot of this. It's telling me a reason. Why do we do this? And she thinks she's going to say, yes. Can somebody tell- Come to me. Bring this to me. I don't know why. And I will say there's so many wonderful men out there, but there are some who are- What are you doing? They're shooting their shots.
• 1:04:01
  Oh, my goodness. I mean, it's frightening. Back to my question. What's something funny that happened during a live broadcast? There have been, during a live broadcast, I ripped my pants. But you couldn't see it on air. I've done that.
• 1:04:23
  Most of the things that have happened have not been on air. Is that a wardrobe malfunction? There's been a lot of wardrobe malfunctions, but I've hidden them really well. So no boob popped out? Oh, I've had to hold my shirt, and I've had to be like, if people are listening, I'm holding my shirt. This is on YouTube. Guys, by the way, go to YouTube, see how beautiful she is. She's got great energy. And the thing that I want people to understand about Heart in Life, the reason why I asked Erica on, is it hasn't always been this way.
• 1:04:51
  And you reach a level of peace after doing work on yourself to have peace, clarity, and freedom. And the peace is just everything.
• 1:05:01
  I there's just nothing that finally be able to relax and not worry oh right to not worry anymore we talked about what you worry about ain't gonna happen anyways no why do we do it let me go let me go drink to make myself feel better so wardrobe malfunctions what do I got here else
• 1:05:23
  We talked about Billy Joe, but what would your theme song be every time you walked into a room? And why? Most people would say thriller because I do the thriller dance and I'm crazy. I'm a goofball. I do the thriller dance. People will play it in Detroit at some clubs and bars and restaurants when it's not Halloween, just to see me do the thriller dance. That's so random, I know. How would you be...
• 1:05:53
  I wouldn't associate you with thriller in any way, shape or form. I know. Cause I can, I can dance also. Oh, I've seen it. It's a fun fact. I've seen it. All right. This is a great, funny question. If you were to compete in a reality TV show, which one would you choose? Oh my gosh. And what would be your strategy to win?
• 1:06:14
  are we being manipulative and getting into dark psychology? Because I could, I could win that way. I would think I just, I just really want to know what it would be. Cause there's so many crazy ones out there. And you know, I just recently got rid of cable and now everything is streaming and you can see all these different, like what's, what's your guilty pleasure reality show.
• 1:06:36
  You're going to, I'm boring. I read. I'll show you when we leave. I'm the same way though. I don't read. I, the TV will not go. It won't go on this weekend. I, when you leave, I'll probably order food and go outside and read, sit by the fire, smoke a cigar, go in the hot. I'm lame. Winning is boring.
• 1:07:00
  But I've had such a crazy week that I need to recharge. I know. So Kenny Chesney's tomorrow, and I'm like, I want to go. I've gone every year, but I'm tired. So I don't know if I'm going to go. There's nothing wrong with that. I may sit at home all weekend. I get my daughter back on Sunday. That sounds amazing to me. And just do nothing. Sitting around? Are you kidding? That sounds great. So every once in a while, you can't help but hear about it. So you know the one that makes me laugh the most? And this is why. It's...
• 1:07:28
  What is the one with the restaurant in California with one of the guys from Michigan? He's Jack's. What's the one with the restaurant? What's her name? Vanderpump Rules.
• 1:07:42
  Oh, I know. I haven't. I don't know. I know my friends. I can't help because Jax is from. I'm going to have to watch. The funniest thing in the world is I'm watching this guy on a couple of these shows. I'm like, he seems like he's from Michigan. And then I see him wearing a Wheels t-shirt. I go, this dude is from Michigan. I go, I bet you he's from Sterling Heights. I go, he's from Sterling Heights. Wait, why did you guess Sterling Heights?
• 1:08:04
  Oh, this would be bad. You just put me on the spot. I just actually... Something gave it away. I actually did, because he's insecure, and he's just really trying. I grew up in Warren. So we were the same way. You have to show how tough and how bravado you are, and you could tell he's drinking a lot and doing drugs, and it's just the way I grew up. I could spot it a mile away. Interesting. And just watching how they...
• 1:08:34
  They literally stab each other in the back, but then they say, I love you. I love you. That's the most. Listen, I tell you I love you. I do. And I love everybody. It's in my bathroom. I have love everybody and tell the truth. That's my mantra. Love everybody and tell the truth. So can you accept when someone doesn't like you? Oh, yeah. I'm not for everybody.
• 1:08:54
  No, I get it, dude. And I've calmed down. Because that used to be hard for me. And that was when I knew I wasn't, I was, again, the people pleasing. Because I wanted to be, I'm like, why don't they like me? I'm a very likable person. What the heck? I knew why people didn't like me because I was a drunk.
• 1:09:12
  I was obnoxious. And I was trying to fit in and not belong. And now I belong with me. So I don't try to fit in anywhere. That was me fitting in, trying to be cool, trying to be this persona so everybody would like me. And I don't care anymore. So when you say that, you saw me get quiet and think about it. I knew why people don't like me. Now everybody likes me.
• 1:09:35
  There's a few people that get mad at me on Instagram because all I do is do steroids and eat steroids and get big. No, that's what I do. They don't see social media, though. And I hope they can they can come visit you and say that's your face. You know what I would do? I would hug them.
• 1:09:54
  And then that comes a long way from... And then they get angrier, and that's what makes me laugh. Oh, true. It's so fun. Isn't it fun? My daughter gets... She's like, Dad, he's even more mad now. I know. It's so fun. And you smile at him, and you wave at him. It's so fun. How you doing? When people are mad in traffic, I'm like, big smile, thumbs up. Oh, my God. I do that, too. That's one of my only negatives is that I'm like...
• 1:10:20
  Speed up, let's go. And I don't know what I'm in a hurry for. I'm the boss. They're going to wait for me. We all, we have places to go. That's why we're in a car. Don't you have somewhere to go? You don't have any reality TV show that you would be on? I would, I don't really watch any, but I guess maybe The Bachelor, and I would just watch all the girls make fools of themselves, and all the men make fools of themselves. How were you never a bachelor?
• 1:10:46
  How were you never – I'm sorry, contested on a bachelor. You would eat those girls alive or could you not deal with the cattiness? I just think that would be exhausting, wouldn't it? I mean – Yes, because the back and forth. I guess I honestly would just sit there and laugh. Well, they get you in there. They get you drinking and they get you charged up. And then the producers are charging you up. And then they're trying to get everyone against each other. Yeah.
• 1:11:13
  Imagine how they would edit you. See, my problem, all right, I can't believe I'm going to go here, but I'm going to tell you this. I love being naked, so they'd have to edit everything because I'd always be walking around the house naked. I don't care. Obviously, I'm not naked when my daughter's around, but otherwise, I'm naked a lot. So it would be like, oh, Kelly's naked again. Then, hey, then they'll just put the floor on there. You see me naked a lot.
• 1:11:39
  Interesting. Yes. Okay. Why are you doing... Okay. I like my body. Good. You should like your body. You should love yourself. And I love all of me. You're learning a lot. Is there anything I haven't asked you that you feel compelled to share? I just think...
• 1:12:02
  You can't be in relationships. You can't have friends. You can't have the career. You can't have anything you want if you're not right with yourself. If you're, and that's why I keep saying, ask yourself every day in some area of your life, how's that working out for you? And if it's not working out, what are the baby steps you can take to fix it? It doesn't have to be big changes. You
• 1:12:26
  Do you have to go to the gym for three hours a day, two hours a day? No, you can work out for 10 minutes a day and that can start that way. You don't have to revamp your entire career overnight. That's how that's how you get into a free state. And I used to be such a perfectionist where I wouldn't try things. I wouldn't do things if I wouldn't if I couldn't succeed, if I couldn't do them perfectly. I would just not do them. And that's where we get in trouble.
• 1:12:53
  Yeah, I always say progress over perfection. Cause perfection is not attainable.
• 1:12:57
  It's not, and I would say that, but I still have to catch myself. So I'd have to make little baby steps in areas and say, okay, I'm going to start with this. I might suck at it, but I'm going to start. Two more questions. What's next for you immediately? And then what does 50-year-old Erica look like?
• 1:13:26
  Hopefully like this. What's next for you? You know, I can say I'm embracing uncertainty and I've never been able to say that in my entire life. It's it's it's fun. And I don't know. I am so open to anything and everything. I'm working on a few things that I probably can't really talk about.
• 1:13:49
  As far as my career goes, as far as my life goes, I am so wide open and I used to be afraid and and just kind of freaking out, feeling like my life was out of control. But I don't feel that way. I absolutely love it. And I'm embracing and leaning into it.
• 1:14:05
  What's your social media handles? I don't have it written in handy. It's just my name, Erica Erickson. With K, right? Yep, Erica, E-R-I-K-A, E-R-I-C-K-S-O-N. There's my daughter calling. Oh, let's put her on. This is how close we are. I'm going to answer it. She'll laugh because we're going to like, look, you're on, we're live on a. Hi, I've heard a lot about you. You sound really freaking cool. Say hi to everybody. You sound a lot cooler than this guy. Hey. What?
• 1:14:36
  It's a podcast, but we're going to, I'll call you right back. Okay. No, we want to chat with her. I'm going to finish this up and I'm going to call you right back. Okay. Love you. Have fun. Okay. Bye. We'll call her back after. So 50 year old, what are you, what are you going to be doing at 50? Again? I don't know. I, I would hope I can look back on this and say, wow, I've learned a lot. I didn't know anything back then, but I just want to,
• 1:15:05
  I used to, I, a long time ago, I said, I never want to get married. I never wanted to have kids. I never wanted to have this, this, this. I don't really have a plan anymore. My plan changes every day. And I just want to, again, keep leaning into uncertainty and keep growing and trying new things every day. That's just what I'm doing.
• 1:15:27
  So we have a pretty big male following and the podcast is number 12 in the country right now. So tell the listeners who you'd like to reach out to you. Who? Anyone? What kind of man? Oh, my God. What kind of man could be your partner? I can't believe you're doing this to me right now.
• 1:15:52
  We have this is a this is a I'm good, a good environment for you. Oh, my God. So what am I just going to don't blow up my DMs? My face is getting her blushing. I didn't think it was possible.
• 1:16:07
  I'm going to leave you at that. Erica, thanks for playing along. Thanks for being harder than life. And we've overcome so much to make this episode happen. Thanks, everybody, for listening to this. Thanks for everybody supporting the show. It is fast growing, and we're headed to number one. And as crazy as this one has been- Congratulations, by the way. Thank you. As crazy as this one's been, it's going to help us.
• 1:16:27
  Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters. Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.