Latest / Carmedy / Episode 17.5 - Therapeutically

Transcript

Episode 17.5 - Therapeutically · Carmedy

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: What's up everybody?
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the comedy podcast.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: We're comedy beats your or slash my commute.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I am your host, Dave Thompson.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: How are we doing everybody?
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: We doing good?
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully we're doing good.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Uh this is episode 17.5.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: I'm currently on my way to a comedy show.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: A comedy show.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so excited.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: Uh September is here.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I was laughing my butt off.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: I saw this video where it's like a one of those green screen videos where this guy's like, me September 1st, and it's him like the background is oh like winter wonderland house.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: It's like snow everywhere and all decorated for Christmas and lights and trees and everything.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: And he's like in his Christmas Grinch PJs, dancing and twerking and stuff to Christmas music.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: I freaking love Christmas.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I know it's only September.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: Labor Day hasn't even happened yet, folks.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm getting excited about Christmas.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_00: Look, it is what it is.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_00: It is what it is.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: What are you gonna do?
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: It is what it is.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Look, here's the deal.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: I have some announcements coming up for my Christmas festival that I am so incredibly excited for.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: So excited.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: So so so so so so so excited.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: This was supposed to happen last year.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: It didn't happen.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Uh because of just some wildly stupid stuff.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: Wildly stupid.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_00: But this year it's happening.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: This year it's happening.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Hark the Herald Angels.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: God bless.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: This year it's happening.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Alright.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: So it's gonna be a lot of fun.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm super excited about it.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Stay tuned for that.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure you're following on Instagram at Dave ThompsonComedy.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Please make sure you're following uh the Carmody Podcast as well as IE comedy.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um yeah, please make sure you're following those.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: Uh what else?
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: The Heat Wave Comedy Tour.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Although the dates are done for this year, you know, you can always follow it for next year.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, please.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: Any social media interaction is great.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you watch a video or you like a picture or you look at a story or you send me a message or whatever, all of it is very appreciated.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: If you follow, thank you so much.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: You guys are wonderful.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: Shout out to the ones that follow the pod, the car medians.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: I love you guys, you guys are amazing.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Guys and gals, I sorry, I shouldn't have said guys, guys and gals.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Let's get it.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, so let's talk about it.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about what's going on right now.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: So, just like I said, I'm on my way to go to this show at above the iron comedy club.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: I'm also going to be filming a pod.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: The pod is with my buddy, my compadre, my compadre, compad, compadre, my compadre, Ed Selwyn.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: You guys, here's the thing about me and Ed.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the thing, right?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: So he was an officer, like an actual law enforcement officer.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: I always wanted to be an officer.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: But I never became one.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: So it's an interesting dynamic because he did the thing that I wish I could have done, but then was kind of low-key glad that didn't work out because it would have been crazy if I was a cop.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Can you imagine me as a cop?
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Can you freak can you freaking imagine me as a cop?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: That would be hilarious.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like would I have gotten fat if I was a cop?
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Or would I have just gotten ripped?
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Would I have gotten shredded if I was a cop?
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: Is there an alternate universe or in the multiverse right now in another reality where I'm a where I'm a law enforcement officer and I'm absolutely just freaking peaked?
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: Just absolutely tipped.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, those last two words, I don't even know if those fit there, but I said.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's funny thinking about alternate realities, right?
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because I didn't think, you know, 10 years ago that I was gonna be doing stand-up.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: And it just kind of happened.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: I just kind of fell in love with it, and I just absolutely just couldn't imagine myself not doing it.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that's just what it is.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I consider myself to be, you know, an intelligent person to an extent.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_00: But I gotta tell you guys something that happened today.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Alternate realities, right?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Gotta tell you something that happened.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: I received an interview invitation for a job from the same place where I just got a job over four years ago, and I didn't see it.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: So my wife's mad because she's like, you could have been working for this job for four years already, maybe.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And that's understandable.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's understandable.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: It was a goof.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: It was a it was a goof.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: I mean what word do you want me to say?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: It was a goof, okay?
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: I goofed.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: It was an aloof goof.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's toof.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: This aloof goof was toof, okay?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's toof to handle.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I get it.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: I get it, right?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because my wife wants us to be well off.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: I want our family to be well off.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the provider.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm supposed to be pro at viding.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Viding is what you do for your vam your family.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: You vide.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: You vide for them.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: You vibe this, you vibe that, you gotta vide groceries, you gotta vide toilet paper, you gotta vibe medicine, you gotta vibe insurance, you gotta fide emotional and moral support.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: You're viding a lot.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: At the end of the day, you've been viding all day.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: You're a pro at it.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Provider.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: But you can't you can't be perfect.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: Provide dir.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: The dir is like dirr! Like you little stupid.
• 6:27
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta be good at you gotta be pro at biting, and then you get to bet then you get to have a little bit of dirr.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: You get to have a little bit of dirr.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's funny.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: I like that.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Bits, bits, bits.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Uh I've been trying to work on some bits, like uh there's just one that I'm uh I'm bringing out.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: This was the first joke I ever told, and I want to expand on it.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Say uh I've been going to therapy recently, and by therapy I mean talking to my mom.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: That was the first joke I ever told on stage.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: The first one.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: That was it.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: I said just what I said.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Why was I I was about to repeat it.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Isn't that weird?
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: What the frick?
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_00: I was about to repeat what I just said.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: That was crazy.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: You guys heard it already.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: I already said it.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: So that was my first joke, and I kind of want to expand on that because you know, a number of years ago, my mom was going through a lot, I was going through a lot, a lot of things happening with Oh goodness, with our family, with my dad, which is her husband.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Can you believe that?
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: That my dad is was her husband.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: Cool.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um and so we would talk together about just how we were feeling, we would talk about how we were doing, we were talking about what was going on, and just kind of processing together.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: And so it would be somewhat therapeutic and educational for me to get her perspective and for her to get my perspective about what was going on and what our feelings were on it.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so I don't know, I've always kind of liked that joke.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of it's it's a little shorty, but it could lead into a lot of different things about like what do you what do you talk to your mom about?
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I think it's I think it's cool that there's certain things you do talk about, but then maybe not cool about other things you talk about, you know what I mean?
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: So, like, for example, now that my mom is divorced, she's you know, has said before, mentioned that you know she could be maybe up to dating in the future.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe up to to finding a stallion out there, and an old uh goody soul stallion out there where she lives, and look, here's like why did I say stallion?
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know why why why did I say I don't know why I said stallion?
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: That's not a good word to think about with your mom.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Fit um she had mentioned to me before my mom's like I've never got I've never got a dick pic before.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's what my mom said.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, I never got one.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, why are you whispering?
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Like, it's are you you think they're gonna hear you?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: You think the degenerates are gonna hear you, and they're just gonna be like flooding your message box, flooding your box with flooding your box with you know what pee-pee?
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: They're gonna be flooding your box with pee-pee?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, well, like my daughter-in-laws have got have all got them, but I I I haven't I haven't got any.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, Well, you sound a little jealous.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's what that sounds like.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so I kind of want to tie in this this whole bit of like, you know, we talk together, it's kind of like therapy, but there's some things you shouldn't talk to your mom about.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_00: And some of those things are like dating and the fact that my mom's never got a dick pic.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, that I can't I can't even talk to anyone else about that because then they're gonna want to send her one, you know.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: I can't talk to my friends about it because then my friends are gonna be like, yo, is she on the market?
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what?
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's crazy.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's yeah, that's wild.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: It was just something I'm working out.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, other things that I'm working out.
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: Let me open, let me crack open my notebook right here.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Let me see.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: I had some things that I was working out.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: So I just got a new job, right?
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna be working on trains.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_00: I got a new job.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_00: Um and um I was I was saying, I don't know if it maybe I said this in the last pod.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: Did I say this in the last pod?
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Frick it.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Saying it again.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: Where I'm like, yo, the odd the autism in me is like, ha! I freaking love trains! Are you kidding me?
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna pay me to to play with trains?
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Are you kidding me?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: You gonna pay you're gonna pay me to run these trains up and down the track?
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Are you are you kidding me?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna pay me for that?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: That's wild.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, oh, oh, I have a I have uh uh an acquaintance.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: I wouldn't call her a friend, I have an acquaintance.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: She's Asian and she loves to brag about getting abortions, and so I I had like a little roast for her and I have a I have a bit about it.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like I call her Kim Jung woom.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: She doesn't play well with family.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_00: She doesn't.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, just like Kim Jong-un doesn't play well with family, he like kills he kills his he kills his family.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I can I could see where this would be a little bit difficult to digest.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: I could see it, but you know what?
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna try it on I think it's I think it's funny.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_00: Kim Jong un is funny.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's very funny.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Uh what else do I got on here?
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Uh oh, oh, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: So I this is this is okay.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: This is this is I don't know if there's anything here.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just gonna tell I'm just gonna tell you guys what happened and then and then we'll see.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe if there could there can be anything made out of it.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: So I drove down to San Diego, and I was doing a show there.
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: And when I parked, there was a homeless guy there.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_00: Right next to where I parked.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: If you guys have been down to downtown San Diego recently, it's nuts.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's absolutely riddled with riddles.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'm just kidding.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: Riddled with homeless people.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of them down there.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: And but this guy, he had like a setup.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: He had like a full setup.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: Now I've heard jokes about homeless guys having like a setup, meaning like that they got like a like a pad, like it's on the street, but it's like their pad.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: You know, they got like a TV and stuff.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: This guy, I kid you not.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: This guy had a full generator.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: This guy had a full generator.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: This guy had a fan, like a box fan.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: And a and a seat, a nice little seat with a little table and a TV.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: And he was playing Wii Sports.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I've heard jokes about uh a dude having a pad, so maybe in San Diego specifically, so maybe they're talking about this guy, but I don't know.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta think of something to say about this guy.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, though so first of all, I I see you guys, I don't know if you remember playing Wii Sports, but Wii Sports was so fun.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to sit down with him.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: I wanted to be his friend.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, Wii sports?
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_00: Fool, let's go bowling.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: Are you kidding me?
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: But then, like, what if I win and he stabs me?
• 14:38
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: What if I win and he gets really mad and he just friggin' cuts me?
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know, maybe that's not that funny.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever, screw it.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: We're doing it.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, you guys, thank you so much.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: This was episode 17.5.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: My name's Dave Thompson.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Please follow on social media.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: Shout out to all the Carmenians.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: I love you guys.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for listening.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: This is uh Carmedy.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, see ya, goodbye.