Latest / Not Us Again... / Finding Our Way

Transcript

Finding Our Way · Not Us Again...

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: What's up everybody?
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_03: Welcome, welcome back to Not Us Again podcast.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_03: I hope you guys are having a fantastic day.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_03: So as you can see, it is night time.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_03: And because it's nighttime, we decided to give comfortable um attire.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_03: Period.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_03: Jamie Jam.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_03: Period.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_03: And everybody who's in Georgia, it is cold now.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_03: Well, it's cold now at night.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_03: And in the morning, and then it warms up during the day.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_04: But then a good temperature during the day.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_04: To me, it's a good temperature.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it is.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_03: It's not like it's now when it first started getting cold, whatever those two days was, it was cold.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_03: It was freezing.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_03: It was like winter time.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_03: And during that time, the boys had the football game.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_03: So we were outside and it was so windy.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_03: Oh it was freezing.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_03: Everybody was cold, covered up in blankets, hoodies.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_03: It was crazy.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_03: Anywho, welcome back.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_03: Did we introduce ourselves?
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_03: For those that are new here.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_03: I am Brittany.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_03: I am Tidy Shah.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_03: Thank you so much for joining us.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_03: Got my little locks out today.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_03: Period.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_03: Period.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_04: Has sister locks, y'all.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_03: My locks are not sister locks.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_03: I have micro locks.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_03: They're not sister locks.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, she doesn't have a sister locks.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_03: You know, sister locks are tiny.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_03: My locks are small.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_03: Mm-hmm.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_03: Micro locks.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_03: Anywho.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_03: Again, thank you so much for joining us.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_03: Hold on, pause.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_03: Before we continue, if you have not done it already, I need for you to go ahead and to subscribe to the channel.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_03: It is free.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_03: It don't cost you nothing.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_03: The reason why I say that because when I look at the views of analytics, show me there's been several of y'all watching.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_03: Several.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_03: And we only have what right now 11 subscribers.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like we can we can up that.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_03: Please cost you nothing at all.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_03: After you subscribe, go ahead and click that bell because that bell will give you a notification of everything that we upload.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_03: Now, if you're listening on any other podcast outlet, go ahead and add the show to your profile so you can see and get that notification on your phone when we upload a new episode.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_04: Amen.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_04: Hallelujah.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_04: Let's get this Friday started.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_02: And we're gonna cheers for our Friday night.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_04: Nice and toasty.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_03: Now the running joke is that um my beverage is uh talum.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_04: Really tell-um.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_03: My beverage is sparkling, sparkling cider.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_03: Or sparkling apple cider?
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_04: Uh yeah, sparkling apple mango cider.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_03: That's why it's so good.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_04: And what do you have, friends?
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_04: I have stellar rose, you know.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_04: I love I love me a good one.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_04: You know, I love me a good one.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_03: Stella, yeah.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I try, but the taste doesn't always get me.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_03: But you know, it's okay.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_04: It's okay.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_04: That's why I did that drink for her to uh make it look like she was having a nice wine battery.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_02: It's frighteny.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_02: It's pretty though.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_02: That ain't it cute, period.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_02: Period.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, friends.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_04: So our first topic, our first topic that I want us to talk about, it has it was on the radio.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: I sorry out my eyes.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_04: Uh it was on the radio, and it was basically so the new version of Different World, the guy with the locks.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_04: So he said in his interview that he loves talking to older ladies because they have more of a conversation.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_04: Like, you know, it's good.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_04: They have back and forth, you know, looking at the world, they can talk about politics, you know, with and he was like, he doesn't like to talk to no one his age or younger.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_04: And he looks like he's about in his mid-20s.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I was gonna say he's probably giving what 28, 27, 28.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, he looks like he's like in his mid-20s.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_03: I wonder if he's older than that.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_03: We'll have to fact check that later.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_03: I want to see how old he is.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_03: Did he say did he say what age he usually goes up to?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_03: He he didn't.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_03: He didn't.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_03: Because you know, some people are like, I like dating older women just be like a year or two.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_03: But I wonder if it's like another age bracket that he's into.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_04: But but then I kind of think because he looks kind of older than his age to me.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_04: So I don't know.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_04: But I just want to know.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_04: As for me, when I was um dating, I I don't know what it was.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_04: I never really liked talking to people like my age.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_04: So I agreed with him.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_04: I never liked talking to people my age.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_04: Like I will talk to you, like you know, but I wouldn't take you seriously.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_04: I I didn't want to date you at all.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_04: Everybody had to be older.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_03: So what age?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_03: Now we're gonna talk about the appropriate ages.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_03: So let's say we are the age of 21.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_03: For somebody may be watching this younger 21.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_03: What age did you go up to?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_04: Um at 21, I was I would say probably like thirty eight.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, thirty-eight.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_04: And you and I just I felt like the conversation, everything was just it was good.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_04: And I underst and I understood like what he meant by that because it's like and and I I probably did that though too, because since my mom was older, I felt like all I hung around was like her older friends.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_04: So it's like I'm sorry, I was still calculated the the years.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_04: The big jump.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_04: It's always a big jump.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_04: Like, it's always what was that about 16 years between?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_04: I remember when I was 30, I was dating somebody that was like in their 50s.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my god.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, y'all.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_04: I just did not discriminate.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_04: No, it's not like give me granddaddy.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: We don't know where you'll be.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's giving.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: You'll be your friend.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: It's like, yeah, baby, what's his name, see?
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: Hungry thing, such as how old is he?
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: He's 68.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: What about that?
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_04: You know uh what they say, the new 50s is the new 40s.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_04: The new 60s is the new uh 60s is the new 50s.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so it's nothing, it's nothing that is new.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_03: You have plenty of women, younger women who date older because they feel like they're more established.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_03: Now, some of them you may label them as like sugar babies because they want to be taken care of or they want a soft life.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_03: So they tend to go with those that are older who have the man.
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_03: So, okay, at your tender age of 21.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_03: You have tender age at 21.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_03: I'm more interested in the 50s something.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_03: At your tender age of how you was 31.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_03: At your tender age of 31, what attracted you to speak to someone in their 50s?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_03: Um, what did technically go ahead?
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_04: I I to be honest with you, I really don't know.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_04: Did he have kids?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_04: He did have kids.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_04: Were they teens or adults?
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_04: They were teens.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_04: They were teens.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_04: Like older teens?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_04: No, they were young teens.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_03: Did they ever meet you?
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_04: Mm-mm.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 9:46
  SPEAKER_04: And you know what?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_04: A lot of the guys that I dated though, um, I've never met any of their kids.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_05: Really?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_04: Like, so, and it wasn't like, okay, you guys, it wasn't like a flyby night.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_04: Like, like, I just always okay, so back to the room.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I did not want to meet your kids because like I I didn't want you to feel like I'm getting close.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_03: It's giving.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_03: I'm here for good time.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_03: Not a lot.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_02: But I got I got what it's giving.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_02: It's giving me, can we get this meal?
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 10:31
  SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_04: So, okay, so he was Caribbean, right?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_04: And interesting.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_04: He, I mean, when you literally like cooked clean, like without no hesitation.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_04: Cleaned my apartment, did my laundry.
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_04: Like.
• 10:51
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_04: That's interesting.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_04: It was.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_04: And I loved it.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_03: And I was just like, ugh.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_03: He clicked, he cleaned, did your laundry at your house.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_05: Mm-hmm.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_04: And then left.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_04: It wasn't even like staying.
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_04: Like, you know, like he stayed over, had some clothes.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_04: It's just he loved doing that.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_04: He just loved cleaning, cooking.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_04: That's I girl, I have never heard anything like that before.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_05: Mm-hmm.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_05: Mm-hmm.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_04: But that's why I I have so many questions.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_04: But I like I tell people, I don't know if if you've ever talked to an island person, like an island guy like from Jamaica or Trinidad.
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_03: I've I've talked.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_03: Not long term.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_03: Not not long to know a whole lot of what was going on.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_03: Just a little date here and there.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's what look kicked up on the phone for a little bit.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_03: Then I got to go.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my God.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: I got to go.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: Got to go.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: I got to go.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, so.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, go ahead.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_04: No, but I mean, but you say they love.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_04: They love.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_04: They love.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_03: If I think about my dad, my dad is Jamaican.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_03: He's in, he's not, he's far from a lazy.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_03: He's going to work.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_03: He enjoys cooking.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_03: Now he ain't do he ain't gonna do too many sides.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_03: But he's gonna cook, and it's a great cooker.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_03: He loves people to brag about his cooking and his desserts and all the things.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_03: I can see what you're talking about.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_03: And right now, his favorite thing right now is mopping.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_03: But they're big on that.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_03: They're big on that.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_03: They're big on like clean spaces stuff.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_03: Like taking care of care of the home.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, okay.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_04: I can see that.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_04: So it it I think it was just ingrained in them as just growing up.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_04: It was never like, I always feel like um I told a person this one time.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_04: I feel like American culture of how a boy to a man is raised is very different than a Caribbean culture of how a boy.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_04: There's like, I feel like in American household, you divide it.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_04: Like girls do this, boys do this.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_04: And in a Caribbean, we all get in this kitchen.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_04: You are going to know how to cook for your wife.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_04: You're gonna know how to like she did.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_04: My mom did that for my brother.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_04: You're gonna know how to do your laundry, you're gonna know how to sew.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_04: Like it was just like she wanted to prepare you for you to shoo shoot to be with your wife.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_04: Interesting.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_04: So out of the Caribbean guys, all of them knew how to cook, all of them knew how to take care of the house.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_04: Like it was never you walked in, you'd be like, oh, like you could tell you a bachelor.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_04: No, it looked like like a ladysick because everything was immaculate, like organized.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_03: When my dad started dating my mom, I can see that when we would go to his house to visit before they got married.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_03: I'm talking about my stepfather, but in my he's my dad.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_03: Um, no shade to the other person.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_03: But um every time he went to this house, his house was clean.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_03: So I see that.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_03: I can see what you're saying.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_03: But I okay.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_03: My question, reeling back, so how long did you guys say it?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_04: Um to be honest with you, we did it for a minute, but I didn't never wanted to put a title on it.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_04: Like, yeah, but I'm saying you're just my friend.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you're just my friend, but we know what we have.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_04: But when we go out, like nobody knows don't put my don't like be like, oh, this is my like we're just cool.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_04: Why you do that?
• 15:10
  unknown: Hmm?
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_02: Why did you marry me?
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_02: No way.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_04: I think it's just very crazy.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_04: I just didn't want to because I knew questions was going to come after.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_04: It's like, all right, Felicia, like why are you dating this old guy?
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_04: Did he look old?
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_04: I mean he didn't look overhead, like he was bald head.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_04: Like, you know how like older men.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, here's my issue.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_03: The oldest I probably dated, I didn't date, I dated older guys, but not 10 years older.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, not 10.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_03: No.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_03: You would never do that.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_04: Absolutely not.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_04: Even if they look like young, and then they tell you, you'd be like, what?
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, my issue, and maybe, maybe if they looked healthy.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_03: My thing or issue is um when for some women, when they date an older guy, especially if they get past a prime, that car, the tune-ups, they need more tune-up.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_03: They, you know, they losing they they strength and they speed.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_03: And I, because I, you know, I'm so committed to marriage, if we were get if I marry them, you know, you ain't just leaving them because they old.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_03: But if they old, I gotta take care of you.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_03: And I just I I don't want to be in my 30s and Florida's taking care of uh little Tito Shake.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_03: Take care of a 75, 80-year-old man.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_04: I get ya.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_04: I get ya.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_04: But but then it opens up the fact that you can be 30 something and your car is not you are absolutely correct.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_03: Like you are absolutely maybe that was just my mindset of, and then you kind of feel like it's like dating a parent.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_03: Like I feel like that's too old, heavy.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_03: I'll do I thought I'll do like five years.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_03: I think the oldest I've dated when I was 22.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_03: I dated this guy, he was 29.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, okay.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_03: So about seven years?
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_03: I can do that.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_03: Then it's kind of like, oh, I don't know about that.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_03: So we only but a couple of months apart.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, y'all are a couple of months apart.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, me and my husband don't have that story.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_04: We're years apart.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_04: We're years.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_04: That's why I'm saying I like older guys.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_04: How many years you and Benny apart?
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_04: It's not that many years.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_04: It's not that many, but I always I always make sure he knows it.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_04: He's like in his mid-40s.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's still not that many years, d yeah.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_04: Zion's father is actually older than Benny.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_04: Really?
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_04: That's what I'm saying.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_04: Like, it's a thing for me.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_04: I thought they were the same age.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_04: No, he is 40 46?
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_04: 45.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_03: 45, 45, 45, or 46.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, but I still feel like that's not a huge age.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_03: The huge age age difference between 31 or 31, you said 30, and that man was almost 60.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_02: That's the years.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_02: That's like 20, was that 20 years?
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_03: 30, 50 years.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_03: It's leaning.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_03: That's older.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's leany.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_03: That's the real older.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_04: I feel like okay, so you tell me what was always like a breaker of when it came to like a relationship?
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_04: Like, what was like when you were just dating and whatever, and what was the thing that you was like, yeah, do that again, I'm gone.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_03: What was my deal breaker?
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yes.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna tell my business.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_03: Um God.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_03: We're being authentic on our podcast.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_03: Here's my issue.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_03: Um, before I met my lovely husband, um, and we've had this conversation, you know me in and out.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_03: I did it with a lot of people.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I never focus too long on one person.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_03: If I'm talking to one person, I'm talking to multiple other people, and I'm just talking.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_03: Um, deal breakers for me.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_03: It's mainly disrespect.
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_03: If I feel like you're disrespecting me, I will move on to the next quickly.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_03: Um who's that?
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_03: Hey Benny Lou.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_03: Hey Benny.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_03: That's her husband chased.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_03: He swear he thinks he the idiot.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_03: But that was my he swear he thinks he the idiot, but he not.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_04: He is, he is.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_03: But that was my main thing.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_03: Um, if I felt like I was being disrespected, whether that be like how you talk to me, um, if I felt I was a little bit extra, if I felt like I wasn't getting enough attention, but um, but also I just talked to a lot of people.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_03: So I think because I was talking to so many guys at one time, I wasn't really focused on too many things.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_03: If I got bored, I'm moving on.
• 21:28
  unknown: Okay.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_03: I'm moving on.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_03: Also during that time, my frontal lobe didn't close all the way.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_03: So I um I was just out here, just doing whatever I wanted to do.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_03: If that makes sense, it makes sense, it really does.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_03: Because I did most of my dating in my earlier ages, I didn't really care about who was on my roster.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_03: Because I had a big roster.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_03: I think um, so what was that?
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_03: I got married at 27.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_03: So before then, I probably stopped dating.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_03: Dating around, I mean it wasn't that long.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_03: What like 25?
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_03: By 25, I was like, yeah, I'm tired.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_04: But that's really, that's really, I feel like not a lot of people are thinking that way.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_04: Not a lot of ladies are thinking that way.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_03: At 25?
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 22:20
  SPEAKER_03: I think also, I don't know.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_03: This is probably gonna be a deeper conversation.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_03: How do I want to word this?
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_03: I think because of where I was during that time and what I believe I was being taught during that time dealing with womanhood, more of a um biblical background.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_03: I more so was honed in on getting married, getting married, getting married.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and I don't know if you remember during that time when we were younger, a big thing was about you know keeping yourself pure, um not talking to a whole lot of people.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_03: So when your husband does come and God sends that person, then you're open and available for that relationship.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_03: So I believe because I really wanted to get married, which is very young now that I'm at this age, thinking about girl, you was too young to be thinking about marriage.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's crazy.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_03: But because I was that young, um, and I really wanted it, I believe that's why I got to the point was like, I'm not talking to nobody.
• 23:37
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_03: Because by I want to say, I'm not saying biblical practice, let's say Christian practice.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_03: By the Christian practice of me talking to so many men at one time, a lot of churches probably wouldn't have thought that was the wisest thing to do.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_04: Cause my mom would get on me.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_04: So I love our dynamics as friends because I'm the total opposite of my friend here.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_04: So um, and I'm very like, um, how do you say it?
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_04: I'm very like, what?
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_04: I won't say I don't care.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I'm very like, um, I don't want to say you don't care.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_03: You are more so gosh.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_03: I think I'm a people pleaser.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_03: So my thing was if somebody told me this is the way I'm supposed to do or live, then I would give into it.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_03: You just danced to the beat of your own drum.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_03: I don't really care what you say.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I don't want to say I don't care.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_03: I hear what you're saying, but I'm making the choice for myself.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_03: This is what I want to do.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I'm very much a rebel.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_04: And it might just be because I'm a Sagittarius, too.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_04: But and I think a lot of it comes from um my mama, like anything she told me, see, I was about, I'm thinking in my head, let's go ahead and do that.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_04: Like, I just like I listened to what she said, but I how can I say this nicely about her life?
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_04: I let me don't okay.
• 25:43
  SPEAKER_04: I felt like you can have a relationship with God and still be true to you.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_04: And I think what I was going through because I had such a sheltered life, I felt like, okay, when I get that chance to go out there, it's not like I like just went like ballistic crazy, but I I just really wanted to experience life.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_04: And I wanted to experience life so much that I didn't want to be in a relationship when I when I left my mom's house, I did not want to be in a relationship.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_04: I wanted to literally find me.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_04: Like, me, like with no hesitations of yeah, like I just wanted to find me because I felt like I have lived in this shadow of everybody, if they saw me, it was just always Sister Marie's daughter, sister Marie's daughter, like, and I was just running from that because I'm like, I'm more than that, I'm way more than that.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_04: And but the thing about me was I thought in my head, even though I love my mom to death, I love how she raised me.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but then I thought in my head, dang, and no offense to my sister.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_04: But I didn't want to be like my sister of what she put my mom through, and I didn't want to be like my brother of what he put my mom through.
• 27:35
  SPEAKER_04: I just need to find my niche of making her proud, but then trying to honor yourself with figuring yourself out.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_04: And so I just I just went out there with like full force to where I didn't talk to my mom when I moved out.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't talk to my mom for like a couple of months because she because it was just like I've never like if you know the dynamics of me and my mom, we're like this.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_04: So for me to do like this for her as a single mom and it being your youngest child, I'm sure that was a lie, that's hard, you know, and girl to like that's hard because if you see my mom, you see me.
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_04: If you see me, you see my mom.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_04: So to go, but I needed that space because I wanted to learn how to just be with me.
• 28:46
  SPEAKER_04: I wanted to learn how to just handle things with how I wanted to handle them.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_04: And even if I get a heartbreak, even if I I didn't understand, like I literally did not understand because I was so covered of how she sheltered me when it came to the street life of knowing different things.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_04: I will always look at my room be like, what?
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know, like I would just I've never heard of that, or I never so that kind of opened my blinders a little bit of being like, hmm, okay, well, I can, but I think it really taught me how to really actually be with me, like separating from her at that point of time, it really taught me how to just be with me and the times that people be like, Oh, you're traveling by yourself, or you're doing this by yourself.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_04: Because I never had that, so when I finally got the chance to really just be with me, I enjoyed it.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_04: I felt like it was a sense of like because I don't have nobody telling me, you don't you can't wear that, you can't put on that, you can't do that, you can't, and now I'm just living under my expectations of how I want to date, of how I want to dress, of how like everything, my sense of fashion and everything.
• 30:30
  SPEAKER_04: If I didn't like flourish, my mom all throughout school did not let me get my ears pierced, she did not let me paint my nails, I couldn't wear pants, like it was so much a restriction that I was like, it gotta be more to life than this.
• 30:47
  SPEAKER_04: Low, it got to be, it got to be to where now are our the way that me and her relationship right is like I love her to death, like I truly appreciate her because out of everything that I did that was probably crazy, and I probably told I told well I did tell her everything, and never judge, never judge, and literally every person that I have dated and I have show like I'm always like listen, and she and she probably had a lot to say in the back of her head, but it was just like okay, do you know the Lord?
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, she was it was just very and I know I'll get a text later on in the day to just be like T, you know, just just pray about it, you know.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_04: I'm not here, it's your life.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_04: You do what you want to do, but just you know, pray about it, and um I appreciated her with that because I had a just a moment for her for me to tell her as a daughter to, and it was probably hard for her to hear that, but um, I just told her one day, like um, and I tried to say it in a nice way, but I was just like, I'm never going to go with who you really think because I feel like actually nobody's really not good enough that you see for me.
• 32:36
  SPEAKER_04: Um, but I want you to learn how to accept people for who they are, not come as judgmental because you don't know their story.
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_04: And so when I bring them over, just don't judge them, like give them a chance.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_04: She had to do the same thing for my husband, just don't judge the cover.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_04: You have to read the book to know about the book.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_04: You can't just read the back of the where they give a synopsis of what the story is about.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_04: You literally to know exactly the pieces and the chapters.
• 33:09
  SPEAKER_04: That's why you have a chapters in a book so you can know about it.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_04: And when I had to break it down for her as that, it was just like okay, I get you.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_03: This is heavy.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh, this is heavy.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I didn't like it to be heavy.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_03: No, because as you're talking, I am comparing, and this is going to be a very honest interpretation of my experience in my life compared to yours.
• 33:52
  SPEAKER_03: Um, we both grew up sheltered.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_03: And I remember when my parents had decided that they were gonna move to Georgia, and I did not want to move to Georgia, I wanted to stay.
• 34:05
  SPEAKER_03: I tried to do everything to stand back, everything I can think of.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_03: But no matter what I did, and at that time for just graduating from high school, I didn't have the funds to live by myself or to handle what I had going on.
• 34:21
  SPEAKER_03: So I had to move with my parents to um to Georgia.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_03: Now, if my parents just so happen to hear this, know that I love you with all my heart, but I have to be honest, this is my story and my truth.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_03: Um when we moved to Georgia, I was still trying to trying to experience life on my own and to do my own things.
• 34:51
  SPEAKER_03: So I tried to go to different schools that were away from the house.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_03: Um, I think like school in Augusta, it's still in Georgia, but hours away where I was still, you know, be able to leave, stay on campus, and just learn and figure myself out.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_03: Did not happen that way.
• 35:11
  SPEAKER_03: Um, a lot of the conversations that I had with my parents were that are telling me that I was not ready and I just needed to stay home.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_03: So when I went to college, um I did half of my years, because you know, when you move out of state, if you stay there for a year, you're considered in-state.
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_03: So the first year we did we were moved here, I didn't go to school.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but once I became an in-state student, that's when I went to school.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_03: So the first half of the years, I basically was at home with my parents until eventually I moved out into my own place.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_03: Even that, if we be honest, with my dad, that was a bit of a fight.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_03: Um but I yearned to be able to get on my own to figure out my own life for my own self.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_03: And unfortunately, as you were talking, I was like, dang, I never I never did that.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_03: Um a lot of it was I felt the pressure.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like we're in a different conversation.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_03: I felt the pressure of having to do or to please whatever my parents said was the best thing for me to do.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_03: Um, whether that be my own personal life of like where I'm gonna live or staying home, don't move out right now, or even about who I dated.
• 36:53
  SPEAKER_03: This person ain't good for you.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_03: Are you dating this person?
• 36:56
  SPEAKER_03: So I start sneaking and try to talk to the people that they don't want me to talk to.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_03: And then they try to bring somebody that they feel, you know, I should talk to.
• 37:02
  SPEAKER_03: I don't like that person.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_03: So it's like a back and forth and a push-a-pull of like, I just want to be myself.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and then even dealing with churches, wherever they went to church, I went to church.
• 37:18
  SPEAKER_03: And I never had a chance to experience life of making my own decisions.
• 37:28
  SPEAKER_03: I felt like now that I look at it, honestly, I didn't really start making my own official decisions until I darn got married.
• 37:41
  SPEAKER_03: And then even then, um if people are watching, I love y'all, but this is my experience.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like a lot of our life was determined by our church as well.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_03: About certain decisions that we made, about certain things that we did.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_03: Not that they did not have good intentions, but it did, you know, kind of sway how we did things, even in the smallest things.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_03: A lot of my decisions or things that we did or we did not do were pertaining to if we were involved, if we were present.
• 38:22
  SPEAKER_03: So I don't until I transitioned out of that place, I feel like at that point was when I truly felt like I'm doing my own thing.
• 38:37
  SPEAKER_03: Wow.
• 38:39
  SPEAKER_03: And that's sad.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_03: That's heavy.
• 38:46
  SPEAKER_03: That's very I'm trying not to cry in the midst of it because it's like, dang.
• 38:53
  SPEAKER_03: And I know we're we'll get back to the topic soon.
• 38:56
  SPEAKER_03: But I've just listened to you just talking about how you separated yourself and you wanted to figure yourself out.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_03: I feel like I I I did not do that.
• 39:09
  SPEAKER_03: Um, and then when I moved out, I had a period of time where I was still trying to, but still having people in my ear to sway or determine decisions that I made.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_03: And I feel like when I left a place of like being under the guide of my parents, being under my guide under the guide of of the church, I now feel like I'm in a place of just fearing me, deciding and all the things.
• 39:47
  SPEAKER_04: But it's okay though.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_04: I feel like it's okay.
• 39:52
  SPEAKER_04: Um I feel like in your stance, it's okay to kind of have a uh a late start with finding who you really are.
• 40:08
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and the reason why I say it's okay is because one of the things, um shout out to Miss Um, Miss Eleanor, um, my therapist, but she said one thing um to me, and because sometimes when I try to compare my life to other people, um she's like, but you know that's not your walk.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_04: It's not your walk that you're taking right now.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_04: So you wanting something that you see somebody else with, you do not know that walk that they were taking.
• 40:48
  SPEAKER_04: You didn't know the pit stops, you don't know, and so I just feel like for you, for you to find yourself right now, I feel like that at least you're doing it.
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, at least you're putting a spotlight on it to say, okay, what's up, Brit?
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_04: Like, really, like, what really, like we always have the conversation of like what really I like to do, what I really want to set my goals for, what really I'm just knowing that I'm going to start this, where is it going to end?
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_04: Where like what?
• 41:36
  SPEAKER_04: But I just feel like it's your personality.
• 41:41
  SPEAKER_04: You just have um, and that's why I always, and I'm always gonna go back and say, that's why I love our friendship, because Brittany has a personality of just being like, oh, okay, like she is going to figure out a way that will work for you and will work for her.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_04: So it's just like she wants to make sure at the end of the day, you're good before she's good.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_04: And so that can kind of backfire because then that person kind of looks at it like I always know that she's going to have me.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_04: So then it's like a more of like a tug on her heart string instead of the other person's heart string because they know your heart, your heart is pure.
• 42:39
  SPEAKER_04: So if I already know that she's going to be there, if I'm like, Renny, let's do that, Rennie, let's do it.
• 42:47
  SPEAKER_04: And you're like, okay, well, um, so I have this, but let me try to just let me call your like that's her thing.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_04: Let me call your let me let me get back to you.
• 42:59
  SPEAKER_03: Let me figure it out.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_04: Let me figure it out.
• 43:01
  SPEAKER_04: She's a figure out person, she's gonna think.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_04: The dots on the like, you know how like the dots on the iPhone is like dying.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_04: She's literally like probably typing.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_04: No, I think this can work out.
• 43:13
  SPEAKER_04: It's like, and she's really like communicating with her husband of like, okay, how like I've seen it.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_04: It's not nothing, like I've seen her think of things of like, and I'd be like, it's okay.
• 43:27
  SPEAKER_04: Like, it is really okay to drop the ball.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_04: It's okay to drop the ball and be like, yeah, next time around, I got you.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_04: Um, just right now, yeah, it ain't gonna like that's why our our personalities it it it goes so well together because like if you had me, I'd be like, nah, she can't do that shit.
• 43:58
  SPEAKER_04: Like, but that is me.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_04: That is fucking.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_04: And she would be like, T, and I'd be like, and it's, you know, I feel like friendships like that.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_04: I don't feel like I would ever want to have a friendship to where I will, even though there's nothing wrong with your personality, but I would never want to have a friend just like me.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_04: Because we'll always, we won't get nothing done.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_04: We won't get nothing done.
• 44:29
  SPEAKER_04: We will always get nothing that we will always be hype, fighting.
• 44:37
  SPEAKER_04: Who knows?
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_04: I feel like you're always going to need that person in a friendship to remind you that there's nothing that you need to fix about you because you're amazing, just being you.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_04: And I feel like in always, I feel in a friendship, there's always like a uh I feel like a check.
• 45:10
  SPEAKER_04: Like a check, meaning like we good, cuz uh it's giving we need to talk about something, and I feel like in friendships, and that's why this is called Not Us Again, because I wanted to put a spotlight on on Brittany, even though I know I'm deterring from what we were talking about, but I went to get us because Brittany thought, well, she was already doing a podcast, and she was already talking about this, and I was just like, you know, she was like, Oh, that's what I like doing.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_04: Like, in order, a friend supports a friend, and if you see a light in a friend's face light up like, yeah, and you're like, let's do it.
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_04: That is a friend.
• 46:11
  SPEAKER_04: I feel like that is a person who no matter what, even if if podcasting was never my thing, I'ma do it because I want to see you shine at it.
• 46:22
  SPEAKER_04: I I if that is something that you love to do, I'm going to stand behind you and do it.
• 46:29
  SPEAKER_04: And uh that is, I think that is just the way that friendship should be.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_04: And I feel like you as a person of where you're at right now, of finding yourself, of doing whatever you're doing, of just having moments of driving or whatever you're doing, but just finding Brit is sometimes just the little things, it doesn't have to be the big major things of like you know, doing the like going a trip by yourself or whatever, but at least doing the little things, right?
• 47:06
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, and I think that's why this podcast is so big because for me it's kind of like I did have that conversation with myself because one night I was just like, I had so many changes at one time when we transitioned in different areas, and I remember I was just sitting on the bed and I was like, hey, talking to me, talking to myself.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, what do you like to do?
• 47:32
  SPEAKER_03: Like at this age now, what do you like to do?
• 47:35
  SPEAKER_03: What makes you happy?
• 47:37
  SPEAKER_03: Do the things that make you happy.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_03: You got time now, yeah.
• 47:41
  SPEAKER_03: Like experiencing doing those things.
• 47:44
  SPEAKER_03: That's why I was so glad when he was like, Yeah, I'll do it with you.
• 47:47
  SPEAKER_03: Um it made me very happy because this is I you know, I love doing this.
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_03: Anything creative, all those things.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_03: But yeah.
• 47:57
  SPEAKER_03: And I I tell myself to try to give myself grace.
• 48:02
  SPEAKER_03: It's one step at a time.
• 48:04
  SPEAKER_04: Literally.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_03: It's one step at a time.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_03: But even when you were talking, I was just like, dang, I never got this.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_03: And it makes me even girl, we are so far.
• 48:29
  SPEAKER_03: It's okay though.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_03: We can hop and jump around.
• 48:32
  SPEAKER_03: We can hop and jump around.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_03: But it also makes me in my parenting, it makes me think about my kids because I can be a helicopter.
• 48:48
  SPEAKER_03: Um, because I'm just like, I want you to be safe, I want everything to be fine.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_03: But it it also brings to my mind when they get to that age, baby, I want you to fly.
• 48:58
  SPEAKER_03: If you want to be here, cool, but you're still gonna fly while you're here.
• 49:02
  SPEAKER_03: But if you want to move out, yes, I want you to experience life.
• 49:05
  SPEAKER_03: It's scary when you think about it, but I want them to be able to have that autonomy of figuring themselves out and knowing that it's nothing wrong with them asking the questions.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_03: Just about life, because that's how they find out the truth.
• 49:20
  SPEAKER_03: Correct.
• 49:21
  SPEAKER_03: But if you just force feed them, this is what it is, that's it.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_03: Don't ask no questions, don't they're not going to learn.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_03: I don't want them to just be yes people or yes, ma'am, I do, yes, sir, I'll do.
• 49:33
  SPEAKER_03: Well, that's what my parents want me to do.
• 49:35
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, this is what the church wants me to do.
• 49:37
  SPEAKER_03: This is what our pastors want us to do.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_03: This, I don't want them to have that lifestyle.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_03: I want them to now let me be very clear.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_03: I love the Lord.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_03: Amen.
• 49:47
  SPEAKER_03: I love them dearly, and I want my children to also love the Lord, however, comma, I want them to also learn themselves and to figure out life.
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_03: Literally.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_03: And me and your dad will be right here whenever you need us.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_03: You need us, you need to talk.
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_03: We have candid conversations.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_03: We can talk what's going on in your head.
• 50:11
  SPEAKER_03: What do you need from me?
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_03: I just want them to experience that.
• 50:16
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_04: I I really want my kids to tootaloo.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_04: I just feel like everybody just needs to, you know, enjoy life.
• 50:34
  SPEAKER_04: Like I have a 17-year-old in my house right now.
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_04: And sis said that she's going back to Lauderdale, right?
• 50:46
  SPEAKER_04: And she had a conversation with me the other night, and she was just like and the thing about it is you now know, even though I didn't grow up with her, like, you know, as a baby child, and then so I only got to be with her in her teens, but with me learning her and me being a teenager too, I know the things of what we're what the surface is.
• 51:18
  SPEAKER_04: And so she said, um I I wanna like I wanna take a trip like by myself, and I want to just find myself.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_04: Oh.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_04: So I looked at her and I was like, girl.
• 51:32
  SPEAKER_04: A trip to where?
• 51:33
  SPEAKER_04: Girl, find yourself well.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_04: She's talking about North Carolina.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_04: That's not.
• 51:41
  SPEAKER_03: What's in North Carolina?
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_04: Hello, I'm finna get to it.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 51:46
  SPEAKER_04: So I said, I said, but North Carolina.
• 51:50
  SPEAKER_04: It's like a setup.
• 51:51
  SPEAKER_04: North Carolina kind of gives Georgia.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_04: If you want to go, you can go downtown, just just book you a little hotel.
• 51:57
  SPEAKER_02: You're gonna land right now.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_04: Like, just book you a little hotel.
• 52:02
  SPEAKER_04: And because North Carolina, like, and I asked her, I was like, so what part of North Carolina?
• 52:08
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
• 52:09
  SPEAKER_04: Probably she wants to do like the country life.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_04: I don't I have more of a country life.
• 52:13
  SPEAKER_04: So I was like, what part?
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_04: So she says Charlotte.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_04: So I said, mm-hmm.
• 52:18
  SPEAKER_04: Hold on.
• 52:19
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm like thinking in my mind, like, what is it?
• 52:23
  SPEAKER_04: So I was like, Charlotte is beautiful.
• 52:26
  SPEAKER_04: I love Charlotte.
• 52:27
  SPEAKER_04: Is if anybody lives in Charlotte or I love Charlotte.
• 52:32
  SPEAKER_04: Charlotte is like the new Mecca of college people.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_04: It's a beautiful city, very expensive, very expensive, but very beautiful.
• 52:41
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 52:42
  SPEAKER_04: So uh I was thinking for a second.
• 52:46
  SPEAKER_04: I said, the Saint Carmen, Carmen going there for some reason.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_04: Because Carmen never talked about North Carolina.
• 52:53
  SPEAKER_00: North Carolina is such a you ain't say no, Las Vegas.
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_00: I know California.
• 52:58
  SPEAKER_04: Or Bali, you know, he pray love.
• 53:01
  SPEAKER_04: Right.
• 53:01
  SPEAKER_04: You know, people go off to like they spending hours in the airplane.
• 53:07
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 53:08
  SPEAKER_03: So I said, I said, Carmen.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_03: Who the?
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_03: Who you finna go see?
• 53:14
  SPEAKER_03: Right.
• 53:15
  SPEAKER_03: Because you gotta go see something.
• 53:17
  SPEAKER_03: Because who's there?
• 53:18
  SPEAKER_03: So here she goes.
• 53:19
  SPEAKER_04: So she starts like, what are you talking about?
• 53:23
  SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna be like, Yo no BS, you know who I'm talking about.
• 53:26
  SPEAKER_01: Who you finna go see?
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_04: So then it's like, so that's what she's saying.
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_04: So um uh this guy that um uh what is the game?
• 53:40
  SPEAKER_04: Roblox, the gamer, and so you can like talk to gamers.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_06: Did she see him?
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, girl.
• 53:48
  SPEAKER_04: So I said, I said, but and I asked the same question.
• 53:52
  SPEAKER_04: I was like, so you've like talked to him before?
• 53:55
  SPEAKER_04: Like you see him like like on a FaceTime, like and she was like, Yeah.
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_04: So I was like, Well, let me see a picture.
• 54:02
  unknown: Oh god.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_02: So I said, let me see a picture.
• 54:07
  SPEAKER_04: So holy ghost.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_04: So she shows it to her dad, then she says it to me.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_04: So I'm like, uh, okay.
• 54:16
  SPEAKER_04: What was the giving?
• 54:17
  SPEAKER_04: It was it was in giving.
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_04: We thank God for that.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_04: It was he was just enough.
• 54:25
  SPEAKER_04: He he was he was a nice handsome boy, he had braces and everything.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_04: So what I told her is But it was on FaceTime, they're on FaceTime and then they talk on the phone too.
• 54:37
  SPEAKER_04: So I told her, I said, Carmen, and y'all, I'm very honest with her, probably too honest, but I'm like, Carmen, you shouldn't go.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_04: Because you're not street smart.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_04: You get off the thing, somebody gonna bop you in your head and take you somewhere else.
• 54:53
  SPEAKER_04: Because she doesn't think like you know how like some people like they think of every situation like, mm-hmm.
• 55:00
  SPEAKER_04: So if I get down here, I'm gonna make sure I stay at this hotel because it has to be far away, and then I'm gonna put my local, like have a whole, you know, or it's probably just me because I just watch so many TVs.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_03: So it's just like that's just being safe, be thinking about what you're doing.
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_04: Just don't think about it.
• 55:19
  SPEAKER_04: She is like off a whim.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_04: Like I was just like, so, but where would you stay?
• 55:24
  SPEAKER_04: Here she goes.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_04: Um, I can find somewhere to stay.
• 55:28
  SPEAKER_04: I said, How are you gonna be?
• 55:30
  SPEAKER_04: So where are you gonna like how are you gonna get around?
• 55:33
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, I could just Uber.
• 55:38
  SPEAKER_04: Carmen Girl, you ain't going nowhere.
• 55:41
  SPEAKER_04: Just no, you're not going nowhere.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_04: Wait, you said I'm a young adult.
• 55:47
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, you are one, but I feel like baby steps for you.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_04: People like you gotta have baby steps.
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_04: Just go down to Atlanta.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_04: If you wanna, if if he wants to come, he see that is see that is one thing I I I don't think this new generation is forgetting.
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_04: You have to let, if you want to call him a boy, a young gentleman, whatever, if he wants to see you, he is going to spend the money to come and see you.
• 56:23
  SPEAKER_04: You're not going to spend your coins to go and see him.
• 56:28
  SPEAKER_04: Period.
• 56:28
  SPEAKER_03: And in my mind, she ain't grown yet.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_02: You still 17.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_04: But what I do is I give her a little bit of because she's a good girl.
• 56:41
  SPEAKER_04: She's a good girl.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, she got her bumps on her roses, but she's a good girl.
• 56:46
  SPEAKER_04: But I give her a little bit of telling her, I always remind her you're a young adult now, you're out of high school, you have responsibilities, and I'm the type of mom that I'm very honest that what we're not gonna be in my house is a bum.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, um, and and we can't do that.
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_04: So what we're going to do is we're gonna have if you want to see him, we all can take a good family trip that part, we all could go downtown to Atlanta.
• 57:28
  SPEAKER_04: We come down, we come meet up.
• 57:32
  SPEAKER_04: What's what's that little arcade place um that you was telling me about?
• 57:35
  SPEAKER_04: The main event, yeah.
• 57:37
  SPEAKER_04: We can all meet up there.
• 57:39
  SPEAKER_04: It's fun, and they got plenty of places now, fun places to go to.
• 57:42
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we all like he could travel here.
• 57:45
  SPEAKER_04: How old is he?
• 57:46
  SPEAKER_04: He's 17 too.
• 57:49
  SPEAKER_03: He's at home with him, I'm his mom ain't finna let him go to home.
• 57:53
  SPEAKER_04: Well, I guess she ain't gonna need this, so I guess it's just gonna be a robot.
• 57:59
  SPEAKER_04: I guess it's gonna be FaceTime and I'm I guess it's not gonna be FaceTime and I don't know.
• 58:03
  SPEAKER_04: Uh because yes, it's no.
• 58:06
  SPEAKER_03: Is he in high school?
• 58:08
  SPEAKER_04: No, he graduated early.
• 58:09
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, he graduated early too.
• 58:11
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_03: So I mean, at least she's talking to the smart ones, yeah.
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_04: And he's handsome this time, so my god.
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_04: Because the other one.
• 58:24
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, y'all, when you know the show, like hey Arnold, just think of a black version with reds.
• 58:32
  SPEAKER_04: What's yeah, yeah, literally.
• 58:39
  SPEAKER_04: I am because I've been having kids, so I'm sorry, y'all.
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_03: Sorry.
• 58:48
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh.
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, so we went around the river, man.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_02: Um it's it streamed from what was the question.
• 59:07
  SPEAKER_02: Uh how much time we didn't have three minutes.
• 59:22
  SPEAKER_04: We have some good conversation though.
• 59:25
  SPEAKER_04: You can't edit Melissa.
• 59:28
  SPEAKER_04: Gonna be still what that uh podcast episode is gonna be 58 minutes.
• 59:36
  SPEAKER_04: That's that's good.
• 59:38
  SPEAKER_02: We we did we stayed to the surface, we got deep, they came back up, they got that deep in.
• 59:46
  SPEAKER_02: We talk about nothing dealing with the main question.
• 59:49
  SPEAKER_02: Uh what's the question?
• 59:55
  SPEAKER_02: The question was, oh, you mean the question I've been talking about at first?
• 59:59
  SPEAKER_04: Like when you talk to an older person, you didn't answer it.
• 1:00:02
  SPEAKER_04: You said no.
• 1:00:04
  SPEAKER_04: Oh you was like, it not um, you said the most will probably be seven, not ten.
• 1:00:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, is like yeah, you answered.
• 1:00:13
  SPEAKER_04: It was just in between our responses.
• 1:00:15
  SPEAKER_03: We did 10,492 different topics.
• 1:00:18
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:00:19
  SPEAKER_03: Well, thank you so much for joining us.
• 1:00:26
  SPEAKER_03: Um this is our fourth episode.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_05: It is number four.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my god.
• 1:00:35
  SPEAKER_04: It's been cool, y'all.
• 1:00:37
  SPEAKER_03: This has been a fun ride.
• 1:00:42
  SPEAKER_04: Between me, you, and us.