Latest / Marriage Life and More and Bible Study / Dealing with Dry Times Spiritually as a Couple (Marriage Reset Series) - 277

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Dealing with Dry Times Spiritually as a Couple (Marriage Reset Series) - 277 · Marriage Life and More and Bible Study

0:05
Daniel Moore: We all go through dry times spiritually.
0:08
Daniel Moore: Those seasons where your prayers feel like they're bouncing off the ceiling.
0:12
Daniel Moore: Your Bible collects more dust than insights.
0:14
Daniel Moore: And even worship songs, well, they start to sound like they're on repeat.
0:18
Daniel Moore: And when that happens as a couple, it can feel even tougher.
0:22
Daniel Moore: One of you might be ready to storm the gates of heaven while the other just trying to remember where they left their faith or even their coffee.
0:29
Daniel Moore: Well, in today's episode, we're going to be talking what it looks like to walk through those spiritual dry spells together.
0:35
Daniel Moore: We're going to share a powerful story from Greg Smalley of Focus on the Family and a time when his faith hit rock bottom after unanswered prayers and what his wife Erin did and didn't do that helped him find his way back.
0:48
Daniel Moore: It's honest, it's raw, and a reminder that sometimes the most spiritual thing that you can do for your spouse is just love them well and let God do the heavy lifting.
0:58
Daniel Moore: Welcome to Marriage Life and More.
1:08
Daniel Moore: This is a podcast about marriage, Bible, and book studies, and we interview people that have inspiring stories.
1:13
Daniel Moore: I'm Daniel Moore, your host, and sitting over next to me is my beautiful co-host, my wife Michelle.
1:19
Daniel Moore: Hey, hey.
1:20
Daniel Moore: I want to thank you guys for joining us this week.
1:22
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1:25
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1:28
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1:33
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1:50
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1:56
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2:01
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2:07
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2:10
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2:14
Daniel Moore: So go pick yours up today.
2:17
Daniel Moore: And as we wrap up this week's episode, it moves over into some dry times and how we can have dry times in our marriage.
2:48
Daniel Moore: So today we're going to be talking about something every believer faces at some point.
2:54
Daniel Moore: And what those are called are dry times.
2:58
Daniel Moore: And we're talking about those specifically in our spiritual lives.
3:01
Daniel Moore: You know, that's those seasons when God feels distant, prayers seem unanswered, and your faith just feels, you know, kind of like it's just stuck.
3:11
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
3:11
Michelle Moore: And when that happens in a marriage, it can be tough, especially if one spouse is feeling strong in faith and the other feels like they're barely hanging on.
3:21
Michelle Moore: Today we're diving deep into how to walk through those dry times together as a couple without drifting apart.
3:29
Daniel Moore: So we're going to share that story here in just a second.
3:32
Daniel Moore: And this story, it's really a very powerful example of how one person's spiritual struggle can ripple through a marriage and how grace and patience can help carry you through it.
3:43
Daniel Moore: And for those of you that don't know who Aaron and Greg Smalley are, they are actually with Focus on the Family.
3:49
Daniel Moore: They are both marriage counselors and they work on the team there as they help counsel marriages with Focus on the Family.
3:56
Daniel Moore: They're real big into the Marriage 911 program, which Michelle and I, uh, we are coaches at our church for that program for marriages that are in crisis.
4:06
Daniel Moore: And they've written many, many books.
4:08
Daniel Moore: So Greg and Aaron are no stranger to having a relationship with God and knowing what it means to live as a Christian.
4:16
Daniel Moore: But as all of us know, that there are times, even in our walk with God, when things happen and Satan comes up against us and he tries to fight against us and the things that we're trying to do for God.
4:26
Daniel Moore: So, Michelle, I'm gonna go ahead and we're gonna start and I'm gonna have you uh share that story that Greg Smalley shared.
4:33
Michelle Moore: Okay, so this story is written by Greg.
4:36
Michelle Moore: So I'm gonna paraphrase.
4:39
Michelle Moore: Um, so he starts out with, I experienced a very dark time spiritually in our marriage.
4:45
Michelle Moore: A close friend, Dr.
4:47
Michelle Moore: Gary Oliver's wife, Carrie, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
4:53
Michelle Moore: This couple was extremely important to us.
4:56
Michelle Moore: Gary had been a groomsman in our wedding.
4:59
Michelle Moore: He was my mentor and boss at John Brown University.
5:04
Michelle Moore: They had been our mentors as a couple early in our marriage when we were struggling.
5:09
Michelle Moore: Aaron and Carrie had written a book together also called Grown Up Girlfriends.
5:15
Michelle Moore: Once Carrie was diagnosed, I found the ministry that donated prayer pagers for people going through a major illness.
5:24
Michelle Moore: Instead of simply telling someone that you are praying for him or her, it allowed people to type in her number on the pager and it would alert her that someone was praying for her at that very moment.
5:37
Michelle Moore: It was a wonderful source of encouragement to Carrie and Gary.
5:42
Michelle Moore: Since we all worked together, we heard her pager go off constantly.
5:46
Michelle Moore: It was so distracting, but in a good way, because I would think how cool it was that someone was praying for her.
5:54
Michelle Moore: Carrie's prayer pager constantly buzzed for months.
5:58
Michelle Moore: Although I knew that pancreatic cancer was a very difficult diagnosis with a bleak survival rate.
6:05
Michelle Moore: I remember thinking that God had no choice but to heal her.
6:09
Michelle Moore: I was familiar with the many verses about the power of prayer, and based on God's words, I was convinced that Carrie was going to be healed.
6:18
Michelle Moore: How could she not be?
6:20
Michelle Moore: Thousands of righteous Christ followers were praying for her night and day.
6:25
Michelle Moore: I will never forget when I got a late-night call from Gary telling me that his sweet Carrie was with her heavenly father.
6:34
Michelle Moore: What?
6:34
Michelle Moore: She died?
6:36
Michelle Moore: That's impossible.
6:37
Michelle Moore: I had witnessed months of unceasing prayer for Carrie's healing.
6:42
Michelle Moore: How could she be gone?
6:43
Michelle Moore: When Carrie died, it rocked my spiritual world.
6:47
Michelle Moore: I went into a real spiritual funk, especially about prayer.
6:53
Michelle Moore: The verses seem pretty straightforward.
6:56
Michelle Moore: There's no ambiguity in them.
6:58
Michelle Moore: Ask and I will do it.
7:00
Michelle Moore: How could God say, Whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will be yours?
7:08
Michelle Moore: That is from verses in Mark 11, 24, but it and it says it doesn't say maybe or possibly, it says it will be yours.
7:20
Michelle Moore: I started to view prayer as more like a spiritual slot machine.
7:26
Michelle Moore: Put your prayer quarter in the slot, pull the lever, say amen, and wait to see if this particular prayer would hit the jackpot.
7:33
Michelle Moore: That's what it felt like to me.
7:36
Michelle Moore: I would hear about people who were being healed from cancer.
7:40
Michelle Moore: So why not carry?
7:42
Michelle Moore: I became a prayer sinning.
7:44
Michelle Moore: Sure, God answered prayers.
7:47
Michelle Moore: But the process didn't seem consistent with his word.
7:50
Michelle Moore: I was taught to pray like the persistent widow in Luke 18, who was asking a judge for justice.
7:57
Michelle Moore: Even though the judge didn't fear God or respect men, the widow wore him down by being persistent.
8:05
Michelle Moore: Because this widow keeps bothering me, I will give her justice so that she will not beat me down by continual coming.
8:12
Michelle Moore: The point Jesus was making in this parable was to pray persistently.
8:17
Michelle Moore: That's what I witnessed with Carrie.
8:20
Michelle Moore: But she still died.
8:21
Michelle Moore: Not only did this dark season impact my relationship with the Lord, it also impacted our marriage.
8:28
Michelle Moore: Praying together as a couple had always been an important part of our relationship.
8:33
Michelle Moore: My pessimism around prayer caused me to stop praying with Aaron.
8:37
Michelle Moore: It just felt shallow and fake.
8:40
Michelle Moore: So how do you respond when your spouse has a faith crisis?
8:45
Daniel Moore: And this is, you know, really huge because I think of a lot of times uh there's been times and even in our own marriage where we had things that would happen and we would pray for them, and it would seem like that nothing was going on, you know, that there was no answers coming, uh, the total opposite of what we thought was going to happen didn't.
9:05
Daniel Moore: Uh, you know, it's we all have those those times, you know, that we go through whenever we rely so much on prayer because the Bible tells us to.
9:14
Daniel Moore: And as good, solid Christians, we pray for those things, but then the answer doesn't come like we would like it to, you know.
9:22
Daniel Moore: And then you have your friends coming along that aren't really necessarily believers.
9:27
Daniel Moore: They're, you know, they're watching your life and they're watching to see how you are with God and how you are in your walk with Him.
9:33
Daniel Moore: And they see the struggle that you have praying for answers to a certain situation.
9:37
Daniel Moore: You don't get those.
9:39
Daniel Moore: And then they're sitting there, you know, well, you say prayer works, you know, why is it not working?
9:44
Daniel Moore: You know, and they just kind of put you on the spot.
9:46
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
9:47
Daniel Moore: And that can really make it even get deeper for you and get into that spiritual funk, you know, if it seems like God's just not listening.
9:55
Daniel Moore: And, you know, I think we've been very fortunate because we've had some prayers in our family for major big situations where God has came through.
10:04
Daniel Moore: And so we have seen him work, but we have seen times too where it didn't happen.
10:11
Daniel Moore: You know, my dad had cancer and he died from it.
10:14
Daniel Moore: Within two years, he was gone.
10:15
Daniel Moore: He had lots of people praying for him.
10:18
Daniel Moore: And, you know, you had deaths in your family uh that were just full of questions, you know, why?
10:25
Daniel Moore: You know, why God?
10:26
Daniel Moore: Uh why is this happening?
10:28
Daniel Moore: And so it's real easy for us to get into that spiritual funk sometimes.
10:34
Daniel Moore: And, you know, Greg in this story, he basically said that he had become a prayer cynic.
10:40
Daniel Moore: You know, he said he didn't stop believing in God, but prayer felt mechanical, like pulling a lever on a slot machine, hoping to get lucky this time.
10:48
Daniel Moore: And he even stopped praying with his wife Erin.
10:51
Daniel Moore: And there's an episode that I did a long, long time ago.
10:53
Daniel Moore: Uh, with I think it was the first year that I did this podcast um almost six years ago.
10:58
Daniel Moore: Uh I did want about God us treating him like a slot machine.
11:04
Daniel Moore: You know, a lot of times we've we treat him like we just put the quarter in and we pull the lever and we expect him to give us what we want.
11:11
Daniel Moore: And that is not what the whole purpose of prayer is.
11:15
Daniel Moore: That's not the whole purpose of having God in our life.
11:18
Daniel Moore: But Satan loves it when we get into that cycle.
11:22
Daniel Moore: And he loves it when we all of a sudden uh put prayer at the bottom of the list instead of at the top, and we we decide to try to solve our own problems our own way uh rather than bringing God into the equation.
11:36
Daniel Moore: And, you know, I think that as couples, if you're together long enough, you know, uh Michelle with you and I, I think there's times that we can look back in our marriage and we can see probably probably where one of us walked through a dry time where the other one seemed like they were still moving forward.
11:55
Daniel Moore: Yeah, you know, and and and it rotates.
11:58
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
11:58
Daniel Moore: You know, sometimes you have your moments and then we work through that, and then I have my moments, and we work through that.
12:05
Daniel Moore: And but when people have dry times like that, there are certain ways that you have to approach that to help people come out of that state to get them out of that position.
12:17
Daniel Moore: But the first thing that we want to talk about today is uh we're gonna talk a little bit about understanding dry times spiritually.
12:26
Daniel Moore: And when we come down to to talking about that, what we're what we're saying is is what are some signs, I guess you could say, to know that you are actually in a spiritual dry time in your life.
12:40
Daniel Moore: And so we've got a list here that has a whole bunch of uh different things that you can watch for in your life to determine are you in a dry season?
12:52
Daniel Moore: And the first one here is loss of desire for spiritual practices.
12:57
Daniel Moore: And some signs of that is that they no longer seem interested in prayer, worship, or reading scripture.
13:05
Daniel Moore: Uh these type of people may go through the motions, whether if it's with church, small groups or devotionals, uh, but they may be there, but their heart's not in it.
13:15
Daniel Moore: You know, their heart just isn't there where it needs to be.
13:18
Daniel Moore: Another sign of that is spiritual conversations feel surface level or uncomfortable.
13:23
Daniel Moore: And I think a lot of times the reason we get into that part of it is conviction.
13:27
Daniel Moore: You know, if we're not walking our walk like we should be at that time, and we're not really putting our efforts into praying to God like we should or believing the word like we should, I think the Holy Spirit comes in and starts doing a little bit of work in us, trying to convict us a little bit to get back on track and to try to get back to where we need to be.
13:46
Daniel Moore: So this one here, it's one of the clear, the clearest early indicators that you might be walking through a dry season.
13:54
Daniel Moore: In Revelation chapter 2, verse 4, Jesus tells the church in Ephesus, you have forsaken the love that you had at first.
14:02
Daniel Moore: You know, so with that scripture, dryness often begins with a cooling off of the affection that we have for God.
14:09
Daniel Moore: And we actually talked a little bit about that scripture, even in the marriage context of things when we went through the four laws of love.
14:16
Daniel Moore: Uh, when we talked about, you know, we have people come up and they'll say, Well, I just don't feel like I'm in love with my spouse anymore.
14:22
Daniel Moore: You know, I just don't feel like that fire is burning or uh that thing is there anymore that we used to have.
14:28
Daniel Moore: And if you remember, Michelle, you know, we talked about that scripture about going back to the beginning and starting over again and remember where you came from.
14:38
Daniel Moore: Because a lot of times this not only is an issue with uh us between us and God and going through a spiritual dry time, but this can also carry over into our marriages where we feel like we have dry times in our marriages, even between each spouse.
14:55
Daniel Moore: And a lot of it is we sometimes get into a mundane rut with our marriages, or we get to a mundane rut with our walk with God.
15:03
Daniel Moore: And the next thing you know, it seems boring to us, and it seems like we've lost that flame.
15:08
Daniel Moore: And we start questioning things, you know, about our marriage.
15:11
Daniel Moore: We start thinking questioning things about our walk with God, we start questioning about a lot of stuff.
15:15
Daniel Moore: Satan just starts bombarding us with negativity in our mind and everything.
15:21
Michelle Moore: Just remember though, as a spouse, don't immediately assume rebellion.
15:25
Michelle Moore: Yes.
15:26
Michelle Moore: Sometimes it's exhaustion, grief, disappointment, or simply a period of testing.
15:32
Michelle Moore: Rather than pushing them to do more, invite them to rest in God's presence again.
15:38
Michelle Moore: Sometimes the best way to rekindle desire is to remove pressure.
15:41
Michelle Moore: And I can say that just speaking for myself, I tend to, when I get so much going on, the exhaustion really just wears on me.
15:52
Michelle Moore: And I can feel that's where I slip at.
15:54
Michelle Moore: And then it's like, oh gosh, you know, I need to get back where I'm at because of that conviction.
15:59
Michelle Moore: Like I know, but I'm so exhausted at that moment.
16:03
Michelle Moore: So just remember, as a spouse, you know, when you're thinking it's not, you know, don't think it's rebellion.
16:11
Michelle Moore: There may be other underlying things.
16:13
Daniel Moore: Yes.
16:14
Daniel Moore: And prayer comes into key there a lot because we we should always be praying over our spouses anyway.
16:19
Daniel Moore: But especially if we see something bothering our spouse, they don't quite something seems off, you know, something just doesn't seem quite right all of a sudden, and you start going through this spell where it just seems like they're distant, you know, just things are going on, but they won't talk, you know.
16:34
Daniel Moore: That happens a lot.
16:36
Michelle Moore: And I like how Aaron just like from my understanding was that she just let him, okay, this is what's going on, this is what he's doing.
16:45
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
16:45
Michelle Moore: You know, and I think sometimes as a spouse, as you just said, you need to be praying, you know.
16:52
Daniel Moore: And we're gonna touch a little bit on that here in the second point.
16:56
Michelle Moore: Okay.
16:56
Daniel Moore: Uh the second one, the second sign that you're probably going through a spiritual dry spell in your marriage is emotional disconnection or numbness.
17:04
Daniel Moore: And Michelle, share some of those signs with us on that one.
17:07
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
17:07
Michelle Moore: Um some of these are just like stabbing me in the heart because I've walked this and more than once.
17:14
Michelle Moore: So um they feel emotionally flat, not just toward God, but toward life in general.
17:21
Michelle Moore: You might hear phrases like, I just feel empty, or what's the point, or I can't feel God anymore.
17:27
Michelle Moore: They seem disengaged during worship or quiet times that used to move them deeply.
17:33
Michelle Moore: This often points to soul fatigue.
17:37
Michelle Moore: In Psalms 42, 5, it says, Why, my soul, are you downcast?
17:43
Michelle Moore: Why so disturbed within me?
17:47
Michelle Moore: Even David, a man after God's own heart, went through times when his emotions couldn't catch up with his faith.
17:56
Michelle Moore: So good.
17:57
Michelle Moore: So as a spouse, your role is not to cheer them up, but to offer empathy and patience.
18:04
Michelle Moore: You can't pour spiritual energy into them, but you can create safety for them to be honest about what they're feeling.
18:13
Michelle Moore: And I honestly I love this because there's times that I have talked to you and like you know, like I'm just like I can't because I'm not physically, emotionally, and spiritually, I'm not where I need to be.
18:29
Michelle Moore: So I need to take, you know, that time from myself between me and God and to rest.
18:34
Michelle Moore: And I feel like a lot of mine is when I get too busy.
18:39
Daniel Moore: Yeah, and get exhaustion starts sitting in just life in general.
18:43
Michelle Moore: And I just want to sit, and it's just like nobody talk to me, nobody do anything.
18:46
Michelle Moore: I just want to sit on there.
18:47
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
18:47
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
18:48
Daniel Moore: And back to the story about Greg and Aaron, you know, that was that was one thing that she didn't do was she didn't try to change Greg when when this happened with him.
18:56
Daniel Moore: You know, Greg, he in his story continued, he said, I so appreciated that Aaron never rushed me.
19:01
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
19:01
Daniel Moore: She didn't try to talk me out of my feelings or confusion.
19:04
Daniel Moore: She listened to me and was patient.
19:06
Daniel Moore: So he was being seen and heard at that point, which we've talked about before in different episodes.
19:12
Daniel Moore: She let me question God without trying to provide the answers.
19:15
Daniel Moore: And Greg said he knew that it was painful when he didn't want to pray or go to church together, but Aaron gave him the space to work through that.
19:25
Daniel Moore: And the Holy Spirit, you know, sometimes we have to give the Holy Spirit room to move and transform our hearts.
19:31
Daniel Moore: And we have to let the Holy Spirit do his job.
19:35
Daniel Moore: Our job is to be continuous conduit of love to your spouse.
19:39
Michelle Moore: So, how hard is it though for a spouse that wants to fix it and sees that their spouse is going through that?
19:49
Michelle Moore: And, you know, I mean, I'm not me, I'm just like, oh, you'll, you know, you don't gotta work it out, or you know, you're the same way.
19:56
Michelle Moore: But I do know that there are spouses out there that want to fix that.
19:59
Michelle Moore: And, you know, oh, you should be doing this or you should be doing that.
20:02
Michelle Moore: What words of wisdom would you give them?
20:06
Daniel Moore: You really have to pray about this because there's not there's nothing really quicker, I don't think, sometimes to trip a trigger or push a button on a spouse than when they're going through an issue that they are already struggling with and they're trying to work it out within their own mind for somebody from the outside to come in with a fix-it-all suggestions and just hammering you to fix this and fix this, and you're do you need to do this, you need to do that, and and all that kind of thing.
20:35
Daniel Moore: Uh we really, if if we have our walk with God like we should have, we should be already communicating the best that we possibly can at that moment with God and allowing the Holy Spirit to work inside of us.
20:47
Daniel Moore: The Holy Spirit knows best.
20:49
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
20:49
Daniel Moore: And if a whole if a spouse is not pursuing that, then you might the other spouse needs to be praying for God.
20:59
Daniel Moore: Please open their heart, please open their eyes to see what it is that they're going through at this moment and what rest you can give them, what help that you can give them to get through all of this.
21:10
Daniel Moore: And sometimes we have to just stand there and just just be available.
21:15
Daniel Moore: You know, if your spouse needs you, they're gonna come, they'll ask, they'll communicate, whatever it may be, and it might be some hard times, you know, because I'm you know, I'll say my my first intuition all the time is to try to fix your problems.
21:28
Michelle Moore: Right.
21:28
Daniel Moore: And you like to try to fix mine because we love each other.
21:32
Daniel Moore: You know, we don't like to see it when each of us are going through an issue or going through a problem, or Satan's attacking us.
21:38
Daniel Moore: We don't like to see that happen.
21:39
Daniel Moore: And, you know, it it comes back really to just so many different lies that Satan speaks into us that goes against the norm that we have to flip the script on all of that and understand that, and this is some of the stuff that we talk through actually with marriage 911, is you're not supposed to be the person that provides the love in my life.
22:02
Daniel Moore: Right.
22:02
Daniel Moore: You're not you're not the one that creates who I am.
22:05
Daniel Moore: No, you don't complete me.
22:07
Daniel Moore: It's God that completes me.
22:09
Daniel Moore: Now you're there as my spouse and my lover, my best friend, my support system.
22:15
Daniel Moore: There's a lot of things that you are, but there's so much more that God is.
22:19
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
22:20
Daniel Moore: And so we always have to make sure that our focus does point towards the cross and understand that even a lot of these times when we have these dry seasons and that kind of thing, a lot of times it takes God to fix that.
22:32
Daniel Moore: You know, there's not a thing that I can say sometimes to you that's gonna change anything.
22:36
Daniel Moore: Uh I can be there as a support system and let you know that I'm there in the background praying or whatever, but not be pushy.
22:43
Daniel Moore: I've got to let you work through your things and let God help you through all of that.
22:47
Daniel Moore: But I'm there if you need me.
22:49
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
22:49
Daniel Moore: You know, I'm there to help when I can.
22:51
Michelle Moore: Yeah, it's good.
22:52
Daniel Moore: And so that's really hard to do.
22:54
Daniel Moore: I underwe you and I both are gonna not gonna sit here and say, oh, this is super easy.
22:58
Daniel Moore: Just tell them what to do and get it over with.
22:59
Daniel Moore: No, that's not the best way to approach that.
23:02
Michelle Moore: I think after years of us being able, like when we've had this from time to time, we now know, like, okay, just step back, let God do the work, you know.
23:12
Michelle Moore: And I think if it ever became unhealthy to where we did get, like one of us gets stuck in that complete rut, that there would be a time that I think being led by the Holy Spirit would say, enough is enough, you know.
23:26
Michelle Moore: Um but it would be done in love, exactly for sure.
23:29
Daniel Moore: Yeah, you have to be careful, pray, let God lead you.
23:32
Daniel Moore: Yeah, let the Holy Spirit lead you in how you handle that situation on both sides.
23:37
Daniel Moore: The third thing here that is that's a sign that you're in a dry season is cynicism or frustration towards God.
23:44
Daniel Moore: And this is a real easy place to get.
23:47
Daniel Moore: You wouldn't think it would be because he's our creator and we love him, and you know he loves us.
23:51
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
23:51
Daniel Moore: But as human beings, we get into a bad spot sometimes.
23:54
Daniel Moore: And some signs that this is taking place, that you're getting the cynicism in your life or frustration, is these types of people make sarcastic or bitter remarks about prayer, church, or faith.
24:06
Daniel Moore: Uh, if you start jud being judgmental about a lot of things within the church and and different things that that go on, they also may question why God allows suffering or doesn't seem to answer prayer.
24:17
Daniel Moore: You know, just like Greg did in this story that we shared here, uh, we expected an answer and expected a good ending, a fairy tale ending.
24:25
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
24:25
Daniel Moore: That wasn't God's plan.
24:27
Daniel Moore: And so we question that and we ask God, why did you do this?
24:30
Daniel Moore: And why, you know, why am I suffering through this also?
24:34
Daniel Moore: And they also may have moved from wrestling with faith to actually resenting it.
24:39
Daniel Moore: And that's a very dangerous place to be because we, you know, a lot of times we do wrestle in our faith because Satan will come up against us and what we think we believe, Satan will throw things at us to make us question what we believe.
24:53
Daniel Moore: And so it's a constant working through uh with studying the word and prayer time with God, going to church, all the different things spiritually that we do in our life, those are the things that we do to keep making sure that we're strong on the inside, make sure that we're where we need to be with God, because we know that Satan's constantly fighting us to tell us the opposite of what truth is with God in our life.
25:16
Daniel Moore: So as long as that's a healthy wrestle match, yeah, and we keep pushing Satan away, we keep building uh those walls between us and Satan, telling them to flee, you know, we keep defeating him with our weapons, it's a healthy fight at that point.
25:32
Daniel Moore: But when we get to a point where the faith that we have in our life is actually becomes uh something that we resent, you know, something that seems like it's just a burden on our shoulders, that we have to carry this persona all the time of being a Christian, and it just becomes exhausting to live for God and all those kinds of things.
25:51
Daniel Moore: That's a dangerous place to get.
25:53
Daniel Moore: And it's a classic symptom of disappointment with God, though.
25:56
Daniel Moore: If you read in Proverbs chapter 13, verse 12, it says hope deferred makes the heart sick.
26:02
Daniel Moore: And what that means when someone's expectations of God don't match their experience, bitterness can start to build inside of you.
26:10
Daniel Moore: You can't gently you can gently help by validating their pain without defending God prematurely.
26:17
Daniel Moore: The goal isn't to win a debate, it's to keep the dialogue with God alive, even if that dialogue sounds like a lament.
26:24
Daniel Moore: And a lament is when, if you look through Psalms, you'll see a lot of laments or lamentations.
26:30
Daniel Moore: That's when we cry out to God and and pour our worries and our the things that are bothering us, we just unload on God in a healthy way.
26:40
Daniel Moore: God allows us to do that, and that's what a lament is.
26:44
Daniel Moore: And so even if even if it seems like we go through this season where we we're just lamenting with God a lot, instead of having the positive conversations as much, we seem to always be just loading our complaints and our frustrations onto Him.
26:57
Daniel Moore: Uh, God tells us that's part of the cross.
27:00
Daniel Moore: That's that's why Jesus went and died on that cross.
27:02
Daniel Moore: He's he's there to bear all of those things.
27:05
Daniel Moore: And then he comes back with some answers for us.
27:08
Daniel Moore: And he comes back with a way to help restore us back to where we needed to be.
27:13
Daniel Moore: Uh so you know, just remember that God can handle your spouse's honest questions better than he can handle their silence.
27:20
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
27:20
Daniel Moore: So don't ever just silence yourself and not talk to anybody, including God.
27:26
Daniel Moore: If you're going to be silent with the people around you, that's one thing.
27:30
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
27:31
Daniel Moore: But always keep that communication open with God.
27:33
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
27:33
Daniel Moore: Because God wants that interaction, and that's how you fix the issues is by talking to God back and forth and let God reveal things to you in that conversation.
27:51
Michelle Moore: Number four, the other one was withdrawal from Christian community.
27:57
Michelle Moore: The three signs are they stop attending church or small group, they avoid faith-based conversations or gatherings, or they seem more comfortable with isolation or distraction and spiritual fellowship.
28:13
Michelle Moore: Isolation is both a symptom and a cause of spiritual dryness.
28:17
Michelle Moore: The enemy loves to isolate believers because separation weakens encouragement and accountability.
28:24
Michelle Moore: In Hebrews 10.25, it reminds us: do not give up meeting together, but encourage one another.
28:32
Michelle Moore: If your spouse is withdrawing, don't guilt them into intendance.
28:37
Michelle Moore: Instead, gently keep community accessible.
28:41
Michelle Moore: Invite them along, but let them decide.
28:44
Michelle Moore: Sometimes just knowing they're welcome without pressure keeps that door open.
28:50
Michelle Moore: I like that.
28:51
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
28:51
Daniel Moore: This can go back even to you can use an example of this for your kids.
28:56
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
28:56
Daniel Moore: You know, a lot of times when your kids don't want to go to church as they're young and you force them to go, you know how they react.
29:03
Daniel Moore: Yep.
29:03
Daniel Moore: You know.
29:04
Daniel Moore: Well, as adults, we have a tendency to carry that childlike behavior into our adulthood sometimes, and we'll react the same way, although it's more dangerous, really, as an adult because we do have the choice to not go.
29:16
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
29:16
Daniel Moore: As kids, you know, if our parents said you're going to church, we went to church.
29:20
Daniel Moore: We really didn't have a choice in that matter.
29:22
Daniel Moore: Um, but when you become an adult, then you do have that choice.
29:25
Daniel Moore: Uh so we're gonna go ahead and keep moving along here.
29:27
Daniel Moore: Number five is loss of joy and gratitude.
29:30
Daniel Moore: And a good sign of that is when if you're a very thankful person and you always have a lot of Thanksgiving in your heart and in your life, that's just the beam the makings of who you are.
29:40
Daniel Moore: But all of a sudden you become a complainer.
29:42
Daniel Moore: That's a good sign that you might be going through a dry time when you complain instead of being thankful.
29:48
Daniel Moore: Sometimes you might be more irritable, critical, or pessimistic than usual.
29:52
Daniel Moore: Uh sometimes things that used to bring joy or worship all of a sudden now feel like they're empty.
29:57
Daniel Moore: You just feel like you're going through emotion.
29:59
Daniel Moore: When you try to worship God or even enjoy your time at church or your time in the Word, joy is often a barometer of spiritual health.
30:08
Daniel Moore: Galatians 5 22 lists joy actually as a fruit of the Spirit.
30:12
Daniel Moore: So when joy fades, it may mean that the sap flow of connection with God has slowed down.
30:18
Daniel Moore: In Philippians 4.4, it says, Rejoice in the Lord always.
30:22
Daniel Moore: That doesn't mean to be fake happy.
30:24
Daniel Moore: What it means is choosing to anchor your joy in God's presence and not your circumstances.
30:30
Daniel Moore: When your spouse can't see that right now, you can actually model it by quietly maintaining gratitude yourself.
30:36
Daniel Moore: That's where this uh this whole concept comes in, where you know, kindness can overcome anything.
30:44
Daniel Moore: Being joyful can overcome things.
30:46
Daniel Moore: Uh, you can set the atmosphere.
30:48
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
30:49
Daniel Moore: So just because you have a spouse that's going through a situation or going through a problem, instead of letting that drag your whole home down and making it a place that you dread to go back to at night because of all the issues that are going on, you can choose to be that joyful person still and bring the light of Christ into that home and actually change the atmosphere of that.
31:09
Daniel Moore: And that's going to radiate into everything around you.
31:12
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
31:12
Michelle Moore: So just a quick question.
31:14
Michelle Moore: How many of you are thinking of that old song, Rejoice in the Lord always?
31:19
Michelle Moore: You remember that?
31:20
Michelle Moore: Yep.
31:21
Michelle Moore: And now that's stuck in my head now that I've heard that.
31:24
Michelle Moore: Like it's like, okay, now it's in there.
31:25
Michelle Moore: So number six, growing self-reliance or busyness.
31:29
Michelle Moore: Those signs are they've replaced prayer with planning and reflection with activity.
31:35
Michelle Moore: They seem constantly busy, work, projects, entertainment, anything to avoid stillness.
31:42
Michelle Moore: They may justify it as just being productive, but there's little room left for God.
31:48
Michelle Moore: Busyness often masks emptiness.
31:51
Michelle Moore: Jesus said in Luke 10, 41-42, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed.
32:00
Michelle Moore: Indeed, only one.
32:02
Michelle Moore: Spiritual dryness can creep in quietly when we stop being present with God.
32:08
Michelle Moore: If your spouse is constantly in motion, don't scold.
32:13
Michelle Moore: Help create space for rest.
32:15
Michelle Moore: Sometimes what they need most isn't a servant but a Sabbath.
32:20
Daniel Moore: That's really good.
32:21
Daniel Moore: And we can get busy.
32:22
Daniel Moore: Yep.
32:23
Daniel Moore: I've I've seen it I in my own life.
32:25
Daniel Moore: I've seen myself use excuses and keep keep myself from, you know, doing things for God that I needed to be doing.
32:32
Daniel Moore: And there's there's two kinds of busyness, because you can get too busy within the church sometimes as well.
32:39
Daniel Moore: You know, God does want us to have our rest.
32:41
Daniel Moore: Uh, but at the same time, if we let our life become too busy to choke out the things of God, that's when it gets to be very dangerous because we're better off being more busy in the things of Christ than we are just the mortal things that take place in our life on a daily basis because we're here to further the kingdom.
33:01
Daniel Moore: So uh that's another good one.
33:04
Daniel Moore: Uh, another one here, conflict or disinterest in spiritual unity.
33:08
Daniel Moore: Some signs of that.
33:09
Daniel Moore: They resist praying together or talking about faith as a couple.
33:12
Daniel Moore: You feel like your spiritual intimacy has gone cold.
33:15
Daniel Moore: They may get defensive or irritated if you bring up spiritual things.
33:19
Daniel Moore: I've actually seen this happen within Christian couples before.
33:22
Daniel Moore: Uh, when someone feels far from God, they often pull back from their spouse too, because spiritual intimacy can feel exposing.
33:29
Daniel Moore: This doesn't necessarily mean rejection of you.
33:32
Daniel Moore: It's often shame or confusion toward God.
33:35
Daniel Moore: You can model calm faith by staying gentle and approachable, keep inviting connection without forcing it.
33:42
Daniel Moore: In 1 Corinthians 13 7, it says love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
33:49
Daniel Moore: And that's the kind of love that keeps a lifeline open during spiritual drought.
33:53
Daniel Moore: And one thing that this makes me think of is a lot of times what'll happen between Christian couples when one starts getting away from church and getting away from God uh in a temporary situation.
34:04
Daniel Moore: Uh, one of the first things a spouse wants to do is start throwing scripture daggers at them.
34:09
Daniel Moore: And uh, you know, they automatically want to jump on the bandwagon of, well, you know, if you were a true Christian, you would go to church because that's what God says we're supposed to do.
34:17
Daniel Moore: And, you know, it can come off critical at that point.
34:20
Daniel Moore: And that'll shut down a spouse quicker than anything when you start writing them like that.
34:27
Daniel Moore: You might be right.
34:28
Daniel Moore: I'm not saying that you're probably wrong.
34:30
Daniel Moore: I'm not saying you're wrong.
34:31
Daniel Moore: Uh, because we know that what God expects out of us as Christians, but in those times when people are going through that funk and they're going through those issues and those situations that Satan's trying to put into them or put them into, uh, it creates a space that they're in where they get very defensive.
34:48
Daniel Moore: And because they know inside they have an issue.
34:51
Daniel Moore: They know they have a problem.
34:53
Daniel Moore: As typical human beings, we don't like people pointing out our problems.
34:56
Daniel Moore: Right.
34:57
Daniel Moore: And whenever we start pointing fingers and start being critical of the situation that your spouse is in, that can cause that defensive mode to pop up and then you're on the edge of having a fight.
35:07
Daniel Moore: So you have to be real careful with that, approach it Christ-like.
35:10
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
35:10
Daniel Moore: In the way that God would want you to do that.
35:12
Daniel Moore: God's working on them probably already anyway, if they're a good Christian person.
35:16
Daniel Moore: The Holy Spirit's probably already in there.
35:18
Michelle Moore: Right, that's right.
35:18
Daniel Moore: And so we just need to come alongside as the helper of the Holy Spirit at that point.
35:22
Daniel Moore: Let the Holy Spirit guide us.
35:24
Daniel Moore: That's good.
35:24
Daniel Moore: We can work together then with the Holy Spirit to help guide our spouse back, hopefully, to where they need to be and give them that space.
35:30
Michelle Moore: So good.
35:31
Daniel Moore: So skip down to let's just do the the last one here.
35:34
Daniel Moore: We had 10 of these.
35:36
Daniel Moore: Uh go ahead and do number 10.
35:38
Michelle Moore: Okay, so a quiet hunger beneath it all.
35:41
Michelle Moore: They might not admit it, but you sense a restlessness, a longing for something deeper.
35:46
Michelle Moore: They're easily moved by stories of God's faithfulness or by worship, even if they try to hide it.
35:53
Michelle Moore: They still show flickers of faith.
35:56
Michelle Moore: Even in the dryness, the spirit is still at work.
36:00
Michelle Moore: Psalm 63:1 says, My soul thirsts for you.
36:04
Michelle Moore: That thirst is proof of life.
36:07
Michelle Moore: It's a sign that the spirit hasn't left, just quieted.
36:11
Michelle Moore: As a spouse, recognize that longing and speak to it gently.
36:16
Michelle Moore: I know you're not feeling close to God right now, but I can tell your heart still misses him.
36:22
Michelle Moore: That kind of acknowledgement can reawaken hope.
36:26
Michelle Moore: That's so good.
36:28
Daniel Moore: And so as you're listening today, is that you?
36:31
Daniel Moore: You know, do you as we've been going through some of these different things, um, are is this sparking some recognition in your own lives that you're in right now?
36:40
Daniel Moore: Maybe you've been wondering, you've had some issues that's been going on in your life.
36:43
Daniel Moore: Maybe you're wondering, well, what's going on with me right now?
36:46
Daniel Moore: You know?
36:46
Daniel Moore: Well, hopefully, one of those things that we just talked about maybe might have sparked a little bit inside of you to explain maybe what's taking place.
36:54
Daniel Moore: So as we close up today, we've kind of mentioned here what the different uh signs are of being uh in a spiritual funk.
37:11
Daniel Moore: So we have five ways here that you can actually help your spouse when they're struggling spiritually.
37:18
Daniel Moore: And there's because there is hope.
37:20
Daniel Moore: You don't you don't just have to let your spouse sit there and fight through this on their own.
37:24
Michelle Moore: Right.
37:25
Daniel Moore: You know, there is a way to help get through this, but you want to do it the proper way.
37:29
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
37:29
Daniel Moore: And I'm sure there's many more ways to do it besides these five, but these are five that we've came up with that we're going to share with you.
37:35
Daniel Moore: And the first one is be present and don't preach.
37:38
Daniel Moore: And we kind of talked about that just a little bit here already.
37:41
Daniel Moore: When your spouse is wrestling spiritually, the very last thing they need from you is a sermon.
37:46
Daniel Moore: They do not need that, they need some safety at that point.
37:50
Daniel Moore: They need that safe spot where both of you can actually come together and hash through some things and let them, you know, talk to you about what's going on in their life and for you to be there just to be able to hear and to listen and be present.
38:03
Daniel Moore: Your presence communicates when you do that to your spouse that, hey, you know, you're not alone in this.
38:09
Daniel Moore: You know, I'm here to help in any way that I possibly can.
38:13
Daniel Moore: As Michelle and I talked earlier, it's natural to want to fix things, especially when you love your spouse and see them going through pain.
38:18
Daniel Moore: It's hard to watch that.
38:20
Daniel Moore: But often trying to force spiritual change pushes them further away.
38:24
Daniel Moore: You know, in Greg Smalley's story, Aaron didn't rush him or argue with his doubt.
38:27
Daniel Moore: She simply stayed near and let the Holy Spirit do the work.
38:30
Daniel Moore: We just actually talked about that just a few seconds ago.
38:33
Daniel Moore: Your quiet presence may preach louder than your words ever could.
38:37
Daniel Moore: Just always keep that in mind.
38:38
Daniel Moore: A good scripture to go with this is James 1.19.
38:41
Daniel Moore: It says, Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.
38:45
Daniel Moore: Listening often heals more than lecturing does.
38:49
Daniel Moore: So let's just keep that in mind.
38:51
Daniel Moore: So what's the second thing we can do?
38:52
Michelle Moore: The second one is pray for them faithfully, even when you can't pray with them.
38:58
Michelle Moore: When your spouse won't or can't pray, you can still intercede.
39:03
Michelle Moore: Prayer is the most loving and powerful thing you can do behind the scenes.
39:08
Michelle Moore: Prayer invites God into the situation without trying to control the outcome.
39:12
Michelle Moore: Stormy O'Mardian once said, When we pray for our spouse, something miraculous happens, the hardness melts.
39:22
Michelle Moore: Even if your spouse is resistant, your prayers are creating spiritual movement they may not see yet.
39:29
Michelle Moore: Pray specifically for their heart to be softened, their mind to be protected from lies, the Holy Spirit to meet them personally in his timing.
39:41
Michelle Moore: When he can't reach your spouse's heart, reach heaven instead.
39:46
Michelle Moore: The scripture in Philippians 4, 6 and 7, in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God, and the peace of God will guard your hearts and your minds.
40:01
Michelle Moore: So good.
40:03
Daniel Moore: Yeah, that's that's really good.
40:04
Daniel Moore: Uh again, prayer is so important.
40:08
Michelle Moore: Absolutely.
40:09
Daniel Moore: I mean, I we can't and you know stress enough how important it is to stay in prayer, even if you're if it's a one-sided thing.
40:16
Daniel Moore: Somebody needs to be bombarding heaven at the time to try to get God in the middle of it.
40:21
Daniel Moore: The third thing is model faith, don't manufacture it.
40:25
Daniel Moore: The best encouragement is example.
40:28
Daniel Moore: Live out your faith consistently and authentically, not perfectly, because we're not perfect, but do it with humility and hope.
40:34
Daniel Moore: And uh we talked a little bit about this a while ago about setting the atmosphere of being that atmosphere changer.
40:39
Daniel Moore: It's tempting to us to turn up the volume on our spiritual life to pull our spouse along.
40:44
Daniel Moore: But instead of performing, focus on being real, keep going to church, keep reading the word, keep worshiping, not just to show them up, but to show them steadfastness.
40:57
Daniel Moore: As 1 Peter 3:1 and 2 reminds us, your spouse may be won without a word by the behavior of a faithful partner.
41:05
Daniel Moore: Your steady devotion reminds them that God is still worth trusting even when your life doesn't make sense.
41:11
Daniel Moore: So with this one, just remember that your consistency becomes their evidence that God is still good.
41:18
Michelle Moore: Number four, speak life, not condemnation.
41:22
Michelle Moore: Your words can either build a bridge or build a wall.
41:26
Michelle Moore: Choose encouragement that invites hope rather than criticism that fuels shame.
41:31
Michelle Moore: When someone's struggling spiritually, they're often already battling guilt, doubt, or confusion.
41:38
Michelle Moore: Harsh or corrective tones only reinforce their distance.
41:42
Michelle Moore: Instead, remind them gently of who they are in Christ, not what they're failing to do.
41:49
Michelle Moore: Say things like, I know this is hard, but God's not done with you.
41:54
Michelle Moore: You don't have to have all the answer.
41:57
Michelle Moore: God is holding you.
41:59
Michelle Moore: I'm here with you no matter how long it takes.
42:04
Michelle Moore: In Proverbs 18, 21, it says, Death and life are in the power of the tongue.
42:10
Michelle Moore: Use your words to breathe life back into your spouse's faith.
42:14
Michelle Moore: And remember, when your spouse forgets who God is, remind them who they are loved, chosen, and seen.
42:24
Daniel Moore: That's really good.
42:25
Daniel Moore: I really like that.
42:26
Daniel Moore: Uh we just we have to make sure that it comes to a communication thing in a lot of ways that we we can't criticize.
42:34
Daniel Moore: I love that one.
42:35
Daniel Moore: You know, we have to stand by their side in a uh positive manner, you know, to make sure that we build them up.
42:43
Michelle Moore: I like how the fact that, you know, in a marriage, words speak life into a person or it can tear them down.
42:49
Michelle Moore: Right.
42:50
Michelle Moore: And this is specifically talking, you know, about your prayer life and your relationship with Christ.
42:55
Michelle Moore: And the, you know, it's the same thing.
42:57
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
42:57
Michelle Moore: You know, your spouse is along for it, but remember, whatever you do, you're either speaking life into them or you're tearing them down.
43:04
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
43:04
Daniel Moore: The power of life and death is in the church.
43:06
Michelle Moore: Love it.
43:07
Michelle Moore: Love it.
43:08
Daniel Moore: So the fifth thing here, encourage connection, but don't force it.
43:12
Daniel Moore: The idea here is to give gentle invitations and not ultimatums.
43:17
Daniel Moore: Keep the door open for spiritual connection, such as prayer, worship, and church, but don't demand it.
43:23
Daniel Moore: Faith can't be forced.
43:26
Daniel Moore: Pressure produces resistance, but grace produces openness.
43:31
Daniel Moore: You can encourage small steps, you know, like would you want to listen to worship together or want to take a walk and pray?
43:38
Daniel Moore: But if they decline, love them anyway.
43:41
Daniel Moore: You know, don't take that as a bad thing that they're, you know, doing something personal against you and then you get upset.
43:49
Daniel Moore: Uh, you know, just keep loving them and keep being there and being open and available to them through this time.
43:56
Daniel Moore: You know, sometimes the best thing you can do is hold space and keep your own heart soft and hopeful.
44:02
Daniel Moore: God often uses that patience as the soil where restoration grows.
44:07
Daniel Moore: If you look at Galatians 6 9, it says, Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we're going to reap a harvest if we don't give up.
44:15
Daniel Moore: So patience in the valley becomes the testimony on the mountaintop.
44:20
Michelle Moore: So good.
44:21
Michelle Moore: I love this.
44:23
Daniel Moore: Awesome.
44:23
Daniel Moore: So this week, as we go, we want to challenge you to do one small thing together as a couple, something that invites God back into your rhythm.
44:32
Daniel Moore: Now, maybe pray a short prayer together before bed or read a psalm out loud.
44:36
Daniel Moore: You know, even if it does feel a little bit awkward, and it can feel awkward sometimes if you're not used to doing that kind of thing.
44:43
Daniel Moore: But if one of you is in a dry place, remember, please give grace.
44:47
Daniel Moore: Don't try to fix your spouse, just love them, pray for them, and let God do the heart work.
44:53
Daniel Moore: As we close, we have a reminder here from Romans chapter 8, verse 27.
44:58
Daniel Moore: It says, The Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
45:02
Daniel Moore: Now, even in your silence, God is speaking.
45:06
Daniel Moore: So as we close today, just remember that when your spouse is struggling spiritually, your role isn't to drag them out of the valley, it's to walk with them through it.
45:17
Daniel Moore: You keep the light burning, you pray, you love, and you trust the one who knows how to bring life back to dry bones.
45:25
Daniel Moore: Well, that's going to be all for this week.
45:28
Daniel Moore: And as we go here, the takeaway from this episode, and we made a three-parter out of this one, as you can tell, went a little bit longer than we thought it was going to.
45:37
Daniel Moore: Uh, but the takeaway from this episode is roommates build individual relationships with the Lord, soulmates build upon their personal faith to experience a vibrant spiritual intimacy together.
45:49
Daniel Moore: Well, that's all, and we pray that your marriage is stronger and your walk with God is closer after this episode.
45:56
Daniel Moore: This is an extension of Connecting the Gap Ministries, and we pray that you have a blessed week.