Latest / Privycast / Ep. 169 Sir John Harington and the Ajax

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Ep. 169 Sir John Harington and the Ajax · Privycast

0:00
Classic smoke the whole pack of cigarettes move.
0:03
It's like, John, why are you writing smut again?
0:07
Your punishment?
0:09
Write more smut.
0:15
Welcome back to Privy.
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Privy is a podcast about bathrooms recorded from my home bathroom.
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I'm your host, Hunter Hoover, and I love bathrooms.
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Welcome back everyone.
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Thank you so much for being here.
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Thank you for being here in my home bathroom.
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Join me, if you will.
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At the end of every episode of Privy, we remind you to not to forget to flush.
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And then,
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We flush the toilet.
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And that's an action that I'm convinced that we as people regularly take for granted.
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Our ability to just wha-pah!
1:00
Just this little thingy and just make the poo disappear or the pee disappear or God forbid the other stuff disappear.
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Toilet flush technology is pretty great.
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It's pretty amazing.
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And what's interesting is it kind of seems to have progressed pretty rapidly and also over the course of a long period of time.
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The scene for toilet flushing was pretty low key for a long time.
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We've discussed in the past on this show the history of toilets such as the ancient Roman public toilets and Egyptian toilets.
1:45
We've visited a lot of these.
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We also had an episode about Thomas Crapper wherein we debunked the idea that he invented the flush toilet.
1:59
It's been some time since we've explored these ventures.
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And so now, just like every public school for the first two months when everybody comes back from summer and has forgotten everything they're gonna learn, kids, you're heading
2:12
into summer here in the next week or so if you haven't already.
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So strap in, you got a recap coming in three months.
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We're going to recap what we discussed briefly to catch us up to speed.
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A brief history of flush toilets looks like this.
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First, the mechanism by which this flush is accomplished was, for a long time, really just a bucket of water.
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You would poo into a container or onto the street or into something and then you would use water to hand like rinse the poo away.
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If I've learned anything, if you run enough water at
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any sort of filth in this world, it'll get things polished up real quick.
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Water's great.
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That seems true for underwear stains I might add, just saying.
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Like, if you run enough water at that G, you will accomplish some good.
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You know what I'm saying.
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But yeah, the ancient Romans and most other ancient civilizations went with the method of washing the worry away.
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And by worry, I mean Dave's filthy logs.
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that he is depositing.
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Others had figured out hydraulic or other methods of lifting the water so as to cause it to run down.
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But again, in many of these examples, this is less of a flush and more just creating a stream.
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An equivalent would be me going and dipping my butt into the river and letting fly.
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The water, though it is, quote, flushing it away,
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It isn't a flush, it's more of a rinse.
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Again, in all of these, idea of flushing is described more as rinsing, whereas a flush seems to be more that mechanism of all at once releasing a specific amount of water.
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And so I guess while it's technically true, these methods flush the toilet, quote unquote, it's not what we mean when we say, I flushed the toilet.
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We're talking about the thing that releases the water and then removes the waters or in the poo water so you do not have to interface with it.
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In many cases, the early flushes were clay pots or some other sort of container to lift water or carry water to the poo septical source that needed rinsed out.
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By that logic, I am a flush because I have...
5:03
No, that doesn't...
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Yeah, like I've talked in the show before.
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I've cleaned out kid poo out of the kid pants when they're babies.
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in the sink and I know I was supposed to do it in the toilet but technically is that a flush?
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I don't think so.
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One note here as we look at ancient history for flush toilets is the Indus River Valley and other areas of the world have ancient pedestal toilets but again these were more like
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a thing that you would sit on and it would be like a glorified like camp pooper today where you sit on it you do your business either into it or onto the ground underneath.
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it's on the ground underneath, many times they didn't even rinse it out.
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They just left it sit.
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But if you did, you just run the water in that and then walk away.
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You know here about civilizations and all this talk about running water and water being used to help wash the shaz away.
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But it makes me think the number of times that you hear about civilizations going through a drought and it oftentimes feels like it's catastrophic and it was.
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But I think oftentimes when we think of that, like they're going through a drought, we instantly go no drinking water, no crops.
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And that's true.
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And it does wreak havoc on crops.
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But if you don't have water to clean stuff, to bathe in, to rinse the poo flush water away, it's going to put a real damper on things.
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Like things are going to get real gnarly real quick.
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We take for big time granted how valuable our water is.
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This is why, and this technology, this essentially just running water into the bowl or through the thing which you pooped your pee into, was essentially the flush technology up
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until the 1500s.
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Now with all that ancient discussions of what...
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Now we don't need to discuss what this is, because it's not a polar.
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At the point of record, I have no more polar.
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I have to grip and rip things that are not.
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Yeah
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pretty good, but it's not polar salsa.
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few years back as I noticed in the beginning of the sh- as I noted- noticed.
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Figure it out!
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As I noted, we did an episode on Thomas Crapper, old Tommy C.
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and how Thomas Crapper is commonly credited for inventing the flush toilet.
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I said commonly because as we explored back then and we will reinforce today, he did not.
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Toilet flush technology was
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A glorified rinse for centuries, simply rinsing it away.
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That is...
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until a man, a different man, named Sir John Harrington, and really invented the device.
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Before Sir John Harrington was a sir of anything, he was Little Johnny.
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Little Johnny's dad, John, was a poet.
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You can see why I switched to Little Johnny for a moment.
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known as John Harrington of Stepney.
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little Johnny, little John Harrington's dad, John Harrington, was John Harrington of Stepney.
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Now, John Harrington had a wife.
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She died.
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And John Jr.' mother, Isabella Markham, was one of the ladies who attended Queen Elizabeth I's privy, did someone say privy?
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Chamber.
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Tough gig.
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Tough gig indeed.
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The privy chamber was...
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not for the weak of heart.
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But what's interesting in Sir John Harrington's story, before he was Sir John Harrington, before he was even Little Johnny, is his story is almost miraculous, it's almost too
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coincidental to believe and also bring us the flush toilet as a result.
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Isabella Markham his mom Served as one of the ladies in waiting for Queen Elizabeth the first and when the Queen and Those close to her which you're pretty close to her if you're
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in her privy chamber You know I'm saying like you're interfacing a big time with her but Queen Elizabeth was accused of treason by her sister Queen Mary and She was sent to serve
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a sentence in the Tower of London
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Isabella being one of the ladies in waiting went with Elizabeth to the tower during her exile.
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In the tower at the time was John Harrington Sr.
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a prisoner in the tower for being linked to a conspiracy against Queen Mary due to a letter he'd written.
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He'd this letter and when those read it they tried it back to him and they believed that he was trying to incite something against Queen Mary.
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So
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He is exiled to the tower as well.
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While in the tower, John Harrington would be called to perform his poetry for Princess Elizabeth.
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And when he began to perform his poetry before this queen, he noted, who's that cute girl carrying that big pot of the queen's slosh?
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He had eyes for one of the ladies in waiting, Isabella Markham.
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When he would go in to perform for Queen Elizabeth, he began to write love poems and sonnets, seemingly for Elizabeth.
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It's a love story made in prison in the privy chamber.
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To tail as old as time.
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This is a good TV, by the way.
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But what put them in the same room, again, is just baffling.
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Queen Elizabeth is accused for treason and John Markham is accused for treason and they end up in this Tower of London in this situation together and John Markham's like and he's
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like I gotta I gotta woo that lady.
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She's carrying that poo really well.
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But when Mary the first the one who exiled all of them to the Tower of London died it left Queen Elizabeth her half-sister as heir to the throne and she became Queen.
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Sir John Harrington Sr.
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and Isabella had married after the death of Harrington's first wife and they had a son, little Johnny Harrington.
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They didn't call him that.
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That's what I'm calling him.
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When John was born, Queen Elizabeth, who was famously childless, took on the role of godmother for young John, either due to his father's notoriety as poet, or his mother's
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notoriety for emptying her pots of bodily fluid, or the boy they shared having been imprisoned for treason together.
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Nothing brings people together.
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like love songs, imprisonment, and dumping the Queen's foul bowls.
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It really brings a person together.
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You know, if you're a custodian...
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and you're single.
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Maybe a lady custodian.
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You know what saying?
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You know what saying?
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You really get to know a person when they're emptying your skeet.
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That's what we've learned here.
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John Harrington Jr.
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Now, we're into the junior.
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From now on, when I say John Harrington, we will not be speaking about John Harrington Sr.
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I will denote that if it is the senior.
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John Harrington Jr.
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studied law at
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Elton College.
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But he didn't really want, like he didn't really like the whole lawyer gig.
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He was more of an artist.
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Dad, I want to be an artist.
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You know, people have called what I do here on Privy Art, right?
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art?
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Please shout at me if you think it's art.
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What type of art is this?
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We're gonna fart.
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But he didn't like the whole law thing.
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He enjoyed writing and performing his writing for others.
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His style of poetry and performance is described as like free spoken style.
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It's like spoken word but like with a with an open rhyme scheme.
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Because of this his godmother
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Elizabeth the first, assigned John Harrington to the royal court to perform many of his works.
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yes, your father did a great job and I will have you my godson come in and perform many of your works before me.
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The trouble is, John Harrington as the story goes, known for telling some pretty inappropriate and sexually explicit stories inside the royal court.
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He's real fiend for smut in the royal He's smutting up the royal court.
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He's delivering like 1500 smut on the daily to the Queen's court.
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Dude, smutting it.
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as such, took the cake of all this was John Harrington tried his hand at translating Orlando Furioso, an Italian epic wherein Harrington took some creative licenses and upped
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the sex factor of the poem, like really smutted the thing.
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Apparently his translation was a bridge too far.
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Maybe not enough.
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But his godmother banished him.
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Just as she had been banished.
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Just as his father and his mother had been banished.
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Came all the way around.
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Them queens sure like to be banishing and banishing people, huh?
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Didn't learn much from it.
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But his godmother banished him for his racy translation.
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And then his sentence was, he can come back once he's finished translating the rest of it.
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Old Elizabeth doth protest too much it sounds like.
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me it's like, mm, nope John, your version is way too sexy for me, but you better go finish it.
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Like, you're not allowed back in my kingdom, but when you come back, make sure you bring the finished copy.
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want to read the end.
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Old Elizabeth, real smut fiend, it seems.
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This is the smuttiest smut I've ever seen, and I've read some smut, Elizabeth says.
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So I banish you.
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But like you can come back once you got some more of that smut.
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Classic smoke the whole pack of cigarettes move.
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It's like, John, why are you writing smut again?
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Your punishment?
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Write more smut.
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What?
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Like, good one Elizabeth.
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Unless she just wanted more, it seems like this was a failed attempt at punishment.
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I don't think she planned on him ever finishing it.
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It's pretty big work from what I understand.
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But,
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Alas, he finished the translation of Orlando Furioso in 1591, and it is still the primary English translation of the piece used today.
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However, during this time of banishment working on the Orlando Furioso, he was writing other things.
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And one of the things he wrote is a description of a device he called the Ajax.
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The Ajax, the device, was a play on the word Jake.
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Ajake.
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Ajax.
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Get it?
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A Jake was a derogatory or a euphemism for toilet.
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Which is interesting, because...
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we're gonna get there.
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a Jake.
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Ajax would be England's and in many ways the world's first flush toilet.
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This Ajax was installed in John Harrington's manor in Kelston where he was found after being removed from the royal court.
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Like this is where he dwelled.
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He was cast out.
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It's not like he's in prison.
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He's just not allowed into the Queen's court.
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And in many ways his Ajax is similar to modern flush toilets with the exception and it's a big exception.
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that it did not have an S or U bend to curb the stank that would eventually try to come from it.
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had a flush valve to let water out and wash down to rinse and empty the bowl.
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It should be noted this did not
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amazingly rush up the development of plumbing.
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Like they still don't have plumbing.
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I want to try a little theater of the mind here on Privy this week.
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Most of the time, admittedly a theater of the mind would be a dangerous move on a show about bathrooms.
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But this is a far reach from what we think of as a toilet.
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It isn't even really a pedestal toilet like we have seen in ancient civilization.
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rather to paint a picture in your mind's eye of this Ajax.
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It looks more like a bench, like one of those benches that sits alongside of uh a restaurant, kind of like a booth, but without the padding.
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And it would be like lifted up higher and it would be a hardwood bench with a seat, a wood seat, careful for splinters, with a hole cut into it.
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You know what that hole for is?
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That's the stank hole.
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That's where you put your stank.
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Put your stank right through it.
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On the backside of this, quote, toilet is built kind of like a box that recedes.
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So if you imagine the bench, the backside has like space where there's this box where all the mechanisms for flushing would be.
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And then when you would take the reds to the Super Bowl, classic football analogy, you'd activate the lever flush.
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and the water would be released down out of that tank in the back and you probably had to refill this tank.
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Like all that's not automated.
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You had to probably refill this tank in the back, but it stored water and you went and rushed down and it and using the contents of the pan or bowl down into not a sewer pipe
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because again, that's not a thing.
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Rather it would rinse it down into a cesspool below.
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So it's a little different than our modern comforts, but again, other than my plumbing refills the water for me when I flush and my poo does not go into a cesspool, it goes into
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a sewer system via a sewer line underneath my home.
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It's very similar.
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uh The toilet, you know, it wasn't like a pedestal toilet, but it was still a toilet and you pooped into a hole and you flushed it.
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Little different, but the first flush toilet was designed.
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Years later, John Harrington wrote about this device in a book called A New Discourse on a Stale Subject, The Metamorphosis of Ajax.
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One day, we're going to read this book here on Privy.
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Stay tuned.
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It's in the Amazon cart as we speak.
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But in it, John Harrington used the conversations, stale discourse, about his invention, the Ajax, on a new discourse on a stale subject.
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And he used this conversation about the invention of the Ajax to make political commentary.
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And that political commentary got him banished again.
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Dude's really good at getting banished.
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His dad was specifically for writing.
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Like if your name's John Harrington, you're really good at getting banished for writing some things that make people uncomfortable.
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And in that regard, I'm a big fan of John.
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Sir John Harrington.
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You know, I think if I may, if I may, if I may step in here, I think a lot of the spirit, maybe not the desire to write smut.
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I don't have that.
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But I think a lot of the spirit of Sir John Harrington lives forth in this podcast.
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You know?
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I've said some stuff on this show that people do not like and people don't like that I continue to make the show.
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Just to be honest with you, preview listener, there is a view that this show is inappropriate.
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I know.
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How could it be?
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It ought not to be made a podcast about bathrooms.
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But in the spirit of Sir John Harrington, we make it anyway.
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Sir John Harrington Sr.
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was banished for writing letters and being accused of treason.
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Sir John Harrington Jr.
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was banished for writing really good smut for the Queen.
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And was banished again later for writing a political commentary disguised as a description and invention of the toilet.
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When Queen Elizabeth died, John Harrington died in her good graces.
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But under a new regiment.
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The Queen is gone.
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There was less contentment.
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Queen Elizabeth passed, there was a new sheriff in town, or at least a new king.
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King James I.
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After Queen Elizabeth died, John Harrington needed to pay some of his cousin's debts.
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Those debts came due.
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He fled, though it is reported that King James did forgive most of those debts.
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However, Sir John Harrington said that he was not happy in James' court.
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Maybe because his mom hadn't dumped James's piss pot for years.
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Like nothing really ties you to royalty.
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Like your mom being the like lady in waiting for the queen and your dad being one of her favorite poets.
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Like not to say that Sir John Harrington had favorites, but like I think he probably preferred Elizabeth over King James.
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When he left, he began as a tutor for Henry Frederick, the Prince of Wales,
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where he translated the regimen sanitalis salernatinum, which is a didactic poem written in the ninth century in Salerno from a medieval medical school.
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What?
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And this poem is pretty basic.
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But the reason we note it is that Sir John Harrington, though he wrote crass material and he invented a flush toilet, that wasn't it.
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He also, much like we have explored here often on privy, went on to translate this pretty medically specific poem that contains basic hygiene and medical information.
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In it, they detail the importance of pooping.
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and maintaining your solids.
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My dude is translating this Italian poem about having and how to take a good dumper-rooney.
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While he is on the run from King James, translating this medical document on how to take a dump, the King of Men of King James Court are hard at work at a different text.
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One that Sir John Harrington didn't get his hands on the ball in translating.
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Though he was a prolific translator and much of his translations out of Italian are viewed as some of the best of his works and are still held in high regard today,
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Sir John Harrington didn't have anything to do with King James's translation.
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The King James Bible.
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Maybe a bit of missed opportunity by Sir John Harrington.
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Not many people have heard of the regimen sanitalis salernatium, but you know, King James Bible.
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But I doubt Sir John Harrington would have wanted to be a part of it.
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And I'll be honest, I don't want him to have either.
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John Harrington had a knack and a propensity for taking licenses in his translation.
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Adding smut where smut ought not to be.
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After his Italian medical poem was published, Harrington didn't have many more accomplishments.
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He fell sick and in May 1612, and he died a year later in 1613.
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Sir John Harrington invented the flush toilet during his second time, really his first, but his second time being removed from royal court by his godmother.
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And there's something poetic about his story.
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His parents met a poet and a lady dumping out the Queen's poo slurry and he, an author and a translator, would come to be known primarily not for his writing, not for his translated
28:01
works, though they are many, but for inventing the flush toilet.
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Something that had Queen Elizabeth had access to this Ajax device.
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would have allowed his mother to interface with the poo of the queen much less.
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Beyond that, should be noted that Sir John Harrington's next appearance in history is in an episode of South Park called Reverse Cowgirl.
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Now, this is not a Christmas episode of privy.
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We are not going to explore
28:41
the next installment of our South Park series, Mr.
28:44
Hanky, the Christmas Poos.
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But in this episode, which I watched this scene briefly, it's just too much.
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Like the episode demonstrates how to quote, how to use the toilet properly.
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And also fun fact, apparently the guy who played Sir John, John, uh, so the thing is, is John Harrington says you should sit on the toilet backwards.
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Now I can't do this because I have, I have a bidet attachment, but essentially you sit and you're, you're hug the tank.
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And that's how Sir John Harrington says you ought to use his toilet.
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Now, South Park's very funny.
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It has good moments, but I know that this is not how John Harrington intended because of how it was built.
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It was a bench.
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Like you would be like weirdly sitting stupid.
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ah But it's a funny thing to think about.
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One last fun fact about Sir John Harrington.
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The man who played John Snow in Game of Thrones is a descendant of him.
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Like he claims that, the guy who played John Snow.
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And I think this is key, just as he, through the character played in Game of Thrones,
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was banished, won, and didn't sit on the throne, but was in pursuit of this throne.
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So his ancestor, Sir John Harrington, played the game of thrones, if you will, and was banished and invented the throne that we all benefit from today.
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It's very similar if you think hard enough.
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This brings us to the end of another episode of Privy.
30:25
Thank you for joining us.
30:26
Thank you for being here.
30:27
As always, leave us a rating and review.
30:29
The five star options are preferred and for every rating and review left, we will donate a dollar to the Wounded Warriors and Living Water International as a reminder to keep
30:38
pooping in the free world.
30:39
That free world was not always free and in pursuit of cleaner water for all, because not everybody has it.
30:46
We would love for you to follow us on social media, at privycast on all social media.
30:50
Check out the YouTubes, privycast.
30:53
Check out the website privy-cast.com.
30:56
Send us an email privycast at gmail.com.
30:59
You can follow me.
31:00
I am at Owl at Seven.
31:01
You can go check out Randy Bowles at Randy Bowles.
31:04
And if you like bathroom related memes and conversations, go on Facebook.
31:09
Look up the privies and join the privies Facebook group.
31:13
We're sharing regularly some bathroom humor over there.
31:16
Thank you to our regular posters and those who regularly share.
31:20
over on the privies.
31:23
I'm talking to you.
31:24
You're regularly on there.
31:26
Jason, former guest on the show and friend of the show, Jason Powell is regularly out there sharing some good stuff.
31:33
And for all those, if I missed you, I'm sorry.
31:35
But for all those who regularly share, thank you so much for doing so.
31:40
I want to share an email that I received.
31:42
I will admit this email is months old, but I've been wondering when is a good time to share it and
31:49
I'm done looking for good time and I'm going to share it now.
31:52
This email is from former guest in the show and friend of the show, Jude Dominey.
31:58
He says, good evening.
31:59
Five days into the new year.
32:00
This kind of dates what I'm doing.
32:02
Sorry, Jude.
32:03
Sorry it took me so long to get your email.
32:05
If you have an email, email us privycast at gmail.com and I'll do better about getting to him.
32:11
And I've discovered something I've unintentionally done to myself many times and not realized my actions until today.
32:18
He asks, have we ever crop dusted ourselves?
32:20
Now, I'm here to tell you, yes.
32:23
But before I explain, I want you to think about what it means and how that would even be possible.
32:31
He asks if we've mentioned this we haven't.
32:33
Crop dusting, future episode idea.
32:35
Thank you Jude.
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And to answer your question, yes, I have crop dusted myself.
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It's a brutal existence.
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It's the most ironic thing that you can do to yourself that is bathroom-related, except for maybe shazzing yourself.
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Whenever you go into a restroom...
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Bathroom port-a-john or Lou have you ever released gashes fumes from behind before sitting down to do your business today?
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I did that so the idea is he stands he farts and then he sits down into the cloud and As I and as I sat down I got my nose right into the invisible stench Now I mentioned before I
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could probably done this to myself But before today he says I always assumed that it was the stench of the brown matter not today
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I crop dusted myself.
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There was nothing I could do.
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The other stall was occupied.
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Now that I have explained, I ask again, have you ever crop dusted yourself?
33:28
I have crop dusted myself, Jude.
33:30
Thank you for emailing.
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If you have an email, privycast.gmail.com, I have crop dusted myself, both in the degree that you have described and I'm famous for a car crop dusting.
33:41
I have definitely farted in my car, like in the summer sun.
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Burp like ripped a beaver and then stupidly did it before I got out got out shut the door and then when I come back like 15 20 minutes later 5 10 minutes later to get something out
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of the car I bend over to get and I'm just hit with the just the Just like you did when you sat down on the dude.
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I'm sorry that happened to you.
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Thank you for sharing Feel free to email us and I would love to share that here on the show just as I have done with Jude Jude Thank you again again
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If you go on the website, there's a link to the store.
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Go check that out.
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If you would like share, if you do like post stickers, if you've got your sticker on something, send it to me.
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I'd love to include that with some social media things.
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We're always trying to expand that.
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As always, we want to thank Kevin and Pottington for the use of your music this week for the intro and outro, as well as the transition music.
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You can find links to their music in the ding dong below.
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Go check it out.
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This has been another episode of privy.
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Thank you so much for being here again.
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Thank you for joining us.
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Keep pooping in the free world, own your stank, wash your butthole, and now, as always, don't forget to flush.