Latest / Chief in Tech Deep Dive Shortcast / Chief in Tech S1E37 - Marielle Hajducko : Silent Sabotage – How Isolation Undermines Women Leaders in Technology

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Chief in Tech S1E37 - Marielle Hajducko : Silent Sabotage – How Isolation Undermines Women Leaders in Technology · Chief in Tech Deep Dive Shortcast

• 0:00
  So what if the very traits that get you promoted
• 0:04
  to a senior role in tech like you're intense
• 0:08
  self -reliance or, you know, your ability to
• 0:11
  just put your head down and grind through problems.
• 0:13
  Right. The classic hustle. Exactly. What if your
• 0:16
  refusal to ask for help are the exact same treats
• 0:18
  that will eventually sabotage your career? I
• 0:21
  mean, it sounds completely counterintuitive,
• 0:23
  doesn't it? We're basically conditioned to believe
• 0:25
  that those are the exact behaviors that build
• 0:28
  this like bulletproof leader. Yeah. But in reality,
• 0:31
  relying solely on that hyper -independence, it
• 0:34
  creates a massive trap. And that trap is exactly
• 0:36
  what we are on. packing in today's deep dive.
• 0:39
  Welcome in everyone. Glad to be here. So our
• 0:41
  mission today is to pull apart this really fascinating
• 0:44
  workshop framework we have in front of us. It's
• 0:46
  titled, Silent Sabotage, How Isolation Undermines
• 0:50
  Women Leaders in Technology. Which is a powerful
• 0:52
  title. It really is. And we need to figure out
• 0:55
  why this isolation happens, how it acts as a
• 0:58
  literal sabotage mechanism, and most importantly,
• 1:01
  we want to look at the specific blueprint the
• 1:02
  workshop provides to break out of it. Because
• 1:04
  it's not just about diagnosing the problem, right?
• 1:07
  It's about the way out. Exactly. I mean, climbing
• 1:10
  the ranks in a tech driven industry, it's a lot
• 1:13
  like summiting a mountain. You spend years pushing
• 1:15
  through these harsh conditions. You finally reach
• 1:18
  the peak, and you naturally expect to feel victorious.
• 1:21
  Right. But the silent sabotage we're looking
• 1:23
  at is that realization that, yeah, you made it
• 1:26
  to the summit, but the air is incredibly thin,
• 1:28
  the climate is hostile, and you realize you forgot
• 1:31
  your two -way radio at base camp. Oh, wow. Yeah,
• 1:34
  you're just totally covered. You have absolutely
• 1:36
  no one to talk to. It is a really stark reality.
• 1:39
  And I think we need to ground this right away
• 1:41
  by clarifying that the isolation this workshop
• 1:44
  targets isn't just some fleeting Sunday night
• 1:47
  loneliness. We were talking about a structural
• 1:50
  phenomenon. The source material emphasizes that
• 1:53
  this affects women across the entire leadership
• 1:55
  spectrum. So it's not just the rookies. Not at
• 1:58
  all. It hits emerging leaders stepping into,
• 2:01
  say, their first product management roles, all
• 2:03
  the way up to seasoned C -suite executives making
• 2:07
  those massive enterprise level decisions. Wow.
• 2:10
  Yeah. The isolation doesn't magically dissipate
• 2:12
  just because you get equity or a larger team.
• 2:15
  In fact, it often compounds. OK, let's unpack
• 2:19
  this because I want to push back on that just
• 2:21
  a little bit, or at least play devil's advocate
• 2:23
  for a second. Sure, go for it. Because anyone
• 2:25
  listening who has ever read a business book knows
• 2:28
  the old cliche, right? It's lonely at the top.
• 2:31
  Oh, absolutely. Like everyone feels isolated
• 2:34
  when they have to make the really hard calls.
• 2:36
  So why does this workshop specifically carve
• 2:39
  out what it calls a dual nature of isolation
• 2:43
  for women in tech? That is the pivotal question
• 2:46
  here. I mean, how is it mechanically different
• 2:48
  from just standard executive loneliness? Well,
• 2:51
  standard executive loneliness is usually just
• 2:53
  about the burden of final responsibility. The
• 2:56
  buck stops with you. But the workshop identifies
• 2:59
  this dual nature of isolation that creates a
• 3:02
  unique two front war specifically for women in
• 3:06
  technology driven industries. A two front war.
• 3:08
  Yeah. It is not just about being the boss. It's
• 3:12
  about fighting both external and internal forces
• 3:15
  simultaneously. The external factors are the
• 3:18
  structural elements of the environment. We're
• 3:20
  talking systemic biases and organizational cultures.
• 3:23
  So practically speaking, what does that external
• 3:26
  force actually look like on a random Tuesday
• 3:29
  in a tech company? It looks like the informal
• 3:32
  networks where the real decisions are actually
• 3:34
  made. It's the Slack channel you weren't invited
• 3:38
  to. It's that impromptu strategy session that
• 3:41
  happens after hours over drinks, or even just
• 3:44
  the subtle unspoken assumption about who is,
• 3:47
  quote unquote, technical enough to lead a complex
• 3:49
  integration. Yeah, the stuff that isn't on the
• 3:52
  official org shirt. Exactly. If the default culture
• 3:56
  of a company leans toward exclusion, even unintentionally,
• 3:59
  mind you. That is a massive external force pushing
• 4:02
  a leader into isolation. Okay, so that is the
• 4:04
  environment. But the text pairs this with internal
• 4:06
  factors too. It mentions self -imposed pressure
• 4:09
  and a really deep reluctance to seek support.
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  It's like, well, it's like you're trying to swim
• 4:14
  upstream against this rushing current of systemic
• 4:18
  bias, which is the external factor. But at the
• 4:21
  same time, you are stubbornly wearing a heavy
• 4:24
  backpack full of rocks that you just refuse to
• 4:26
  take off. Well, let's challenge that. metaphor
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  just a bit. Okay. It's not necessarily that women
• 4:30
  in these roles stubbornly refuse to take the
• 4:32
  backpack off. It's more that tech culture historically
• 4:36
  rewards people who carry heavy loads silently.
• 4:39
  Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. That self -imposed
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  pressure is actually a learned survival mechanism.
• 4:45
  When you're operating in an environment where
• 4:47
  you feel your competence is constantly under
• 4:49
  a microscope, you internalize this idea that
• 4:53
  asking for help is like a fatal display of weakness.
• 4:57
  So it's not stubbornness at all. Right. You don't
• 4:59
  even realize you're wearing the backpack. You
• 5:00
  just think it is the standard uniform required
• 5:02
  to do the job. Wow. That reframing makes a lot
• 5:06
  of sense. The internal pressure is just a direct
• 5:08
  reaction to the external environment. And I guess
• 5:11
  that is why the workshop treats this as a dual
• 5:13
  nature. If you only focus on fixing one side
• 5:16
  of the equation, the sabotage just continues.
• 5:18
  Precisely. Like, let's say a company implements
• 5:21
  a massive culture overhaul, right? The external
• 5:24
  current stops. The water is completely calm.
• 5:28
  But if the leader is still wearing that psychological
• 5:30
  backpack, if they still believe that vulnerability
• 5:34
  equals incompetence, they are still going to
• 5:37
  sink. Yeah. They will remain isolated by their
• 5:40
  own learned reluctance to ask for a lifeline.
• 5:42
  And this is exactly why the workshop leans so
• 5:45
  heavily into interactive discussions and reflective
• 5:47
  exercises. Because you have to see it to change
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  it. Exactly. You cannot dismantle a survival
• 5:53
  mechanism until you hold up a mirror and recognize
• 5:56
  how it is currently operating in your own daily
• 5:58
  routine. So if that's the trap caught between
• 6:01
  the current of the culture and the heavy backpack
• 6:03
  of internalized pressure, how does a leader actually
• 6:06
  engineer an escape? Right, getting to the solution.
• 6:09
  Diagnosing that you are drowning doesn't automatically
• 6:11
  teach you how to swim. No, it doesn't. The workshop
• 6:14
  outlines some very specific, actionable strategies,
• 6:17
  and it starts with this mandate to break the
• 6:20
  cycle of silent struggle. And I have to say,
• 6:22
  the word silent is what really jumps out at me
• 6:24
  here. Why does silent strike you as the operative
• 6:27
  word there? Because in the tech world, especially,
• 6:31
  there is this massive premium placed on the illusion
• 6:34
  of effortless competence. Oh, absolutely. The
• 6:37
  duck gliding on the water while paddling furiously
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  underneath. Yes. A silent struggle means a leader
• 6:42
  is suffering, maybe burning out and being entirely
• 6:45
  derailed. But to the outside observer or, you
• 6:48
  know, to the board of directors, everything looks
• 6:50
  highly functional. Because they're still delivering.
• 6:52
  Exactly. They are hitting their KPIs. They are
• 6:55
  launching the products. They are managing the
• 6:57
  burn rate. They aren't waving a red flag for
• 6:59
  help. So the organization just assumes everything
• 7:01
  is totally fine. The isolation is invisible.
• 7:05
  Which is exactly why the workshop argues that
• 7:07
  you can't just work harder in the dark to fix
• 7:08
  it. The immediate antidote to this silence sabotage
• 7:12
  is fundamentally about shifting from isolation
• 7:15
  to strategic connection. Yeah, the source focuses
• 7:19
  heavily on leveraging networks, but it is vital
• 7:22
  to understand that it isn't talking about, you
• 7:24
  know, casually adding connections on LinkedIn
• 7:26
  or whatever. Not just a superficial thing. No,
• 7:29
  it's about deliberately constructing meaningful
• 7:32
  functional relationships within your professional
• 7:35
  sphere. Let's get into the mechanics of that
• 7:37
  because the source explicitly lists three types
• 7:41
  of relationships. Mentorship, sponsorship, and
• 7:44
  peer relationships. Yes, all three are critical.
• 7:47
  Now, the tech industry talks about mentorship
• 7:49
  constantly, right? That's nothing new. I mean,
• 7:51
  it's a huge buzzword. But the tech specifically
• 7:54
  elevates sponsorship alongside it as a critical
• 7:57
  tool for breaking this isolation. What is the
• 8:00
  functional difference between the two? Because
• 8:02
  if I am a leader trying to build a network, I
• 8:04
  really need to know what I'm actually looking
• 8:06
  for. If we connect this to the bigger picture,
• 8:09
  the distinction is entirely about political capital.
• 8:11
  OK. A mentor is someone who talks to you. They
• 8:14
  give you advice. They share their historical
• 8:16
  experience. Maybe they help you navigate a tricky
• 8:19
  situation with a difficult stakeholder. Right,
• 8:22
  they guide you. But a sponsor, on the other hand,
• 8:25
  is someone who talks about you when you are not
• 8:27
  in the room. Oh, wow. That's a huge difference.
• 8:30
  It really is. A sponsor is a senior leader who
• 8:34
  spends their own acquired political capital to
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  advocate for your advancement. They're the ones
• 8:40
  who say she is the right person to lead this
• 8:43
  new AI initiative behind closed doors. So it's
• 8:46
  like a mentor helps you figure out the best route
• 8:49
  up the mountain, but a sponsor is the one who
• 8:51
  actually secures the funding and the permit for
• 8:53
  the expedition in the first place. That is a
• 8:55
  highly accurate way to look at it. Yeah. But
• 8:57
  to your point about the mechanics, how do you
• 8:59
  actually get one? Right, you can't just buy one.
• 9:01
  No, you can't just walk up to a senior vice president
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  and ask them to sponsor you. Sponsorship is a
• 9:06
  strategic alliance. It requires visibility. Which
• 9:09
  goes back to the silent part. Exactly. The workshop
• 9:12
  is trying to pull these leaders out of the silent
• 9:14
  struggle so they can make their ambitions and
• 9:16
  their capabilities visible. A sponsor will only
• 9:20
  spend their political capital on you if they
• 9:22
  know what you are capable of. And, well... You
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  can't show them what you're capable of if you
• 9:29
  are hiding your struggles and your wins in total
• 9:31
  isolation. That is a massive paradigm shift.
• 9:34
  It requires moving away from the mindset of surviving
• 9:38
  on your own, just quietly weathering the systemic
• 9:41
  biases, and instead building a deliberate ecosystem
• 9:45
  of support. It's a completely different way to
• 9:47
  operate. So if a leader successfully does this,
• 9:50
  If they drop the backpack, navigate the current,
• 9:53
  and build this network of mentors and sponsors,
• 9:56
  how does that change the way they actually do
• 9:58
  their job day to day? It changes everything.
• 10:00
  The text talks about an ultimate shift in leadership
• 10:03
  style. Right. It points to a profound transition.
• 10:06
  And to understand the destination, we really
• 10:08
  have to look at how the workshop describes the
• 10:10
  starting point. It uses a very specific heavy
• 10:13
  phrase, proving your worth in isolation. Proving
• 10:17
  your worth in isolation. Man, that sounds like
• 10:19
  a purely defensive way to exist. Doesn't it?
• 10:21
  It sounds like you are playing not to lose rather
• 10:23
  than playing to win. It is entirely defensive.
• 10:27
  When a leader operates under those external systemic
• 10:30
  barriers and that internal pressure to never
• 10:33
  show weakness every single day is just an exercise
• 10:37
  in justifying their seat at the table. Exhausting.
• 10:41
  Totally exhausting. They hoard their work. They're
• 10:44
  terrified of making a mistake because they feel
• 10:47
  they have no safety net underneath them. Yeah.
• 10:49
  They micromanage because they believe they are
• 10:52
  solely responsible for every single outcome.
• 10:55
  It is a completely unsustainable way to lead.
• 10:58
  You know, it reminds me of the difference between
• 11:00
  a solo developer and an open source project.
• 11:03
  Oh, I like that comparison. Yeah, when you are
• 11:05
  proving your worth in isolation, it's like you're
• 11:08
  a solo software engineer trying to build this
• 11:10
  massive, incredibly complex platform entirely
• 11:13
  on your own in a dark basement. Right. You are
• 11:16
  so terrified of a code review, so desperate to
• 11:19
  prove you are a genius, that you just refuse
• 11:21
  to let anyone look at the beta version. You don't
• 11:23
  want anyone to see the messy middle. And what
• 11:25
  happens when you do that? Well, you miss obvious
• 11:27
  bugs, you burn yourself out, and the final product
• 11:29
  is usually super brittle because it hasn't been
• 11:32
  stress tested by different perspectives. Exactly.
• 11:35
  The workshop advocates for the exact opposite
• 11:37
  approach, which it frames around open leadership.
• 11:41
  In the open source world, you bring a community
• 11:43
  in early, you show them the messy code, they
• 11:46
  help you spot the vulnerabilities, they share
• 11:48
  the load of writing the patches, and the final
• 11:50
  product is just infinitely more robust. That
• 11:53
  analogy hits the absolute core of the workshop's
• 11:56
  philosophy. In an open leadership model, vulnerability
• 12:00
  is not a fatal flaw. Right. It is actually the
• 12:03
  primary mechanism for improvement. The text explicitly
• 12:06
  states that the ultimate goal of breaking the
• 12:09
  silence and leveraging these strategic networks
• 12:11
  is to lead with confidence and authenticity.
• 12:15
  OK, but what does confidence and authenticity
• 12:17
  actually look like in practice? Because let's
• 12:19
  be honest, those words get thrown around a lot
• 12:21
  in corporate training. Oh, definitely. They can
• 12:23
  sound a bit like buzzwords. Exactly. So how does
• 12:25
  it actually manifest in a high pressure tech
• 12:28
  environment? In practice, it means having the
• 12:31
  confidence to say, I don't have the answer to
• 12:34
  this technical problem. Let's crowdsource a solution
• 12:37
  without feeling like you just forfeited all your
• 12:40
  authority. Wow. Yeah. It means delegating critical
• 12:42
  tasks to your team because you have built a network
• 12:46
  of trust rather than hoarding the work because
• 12:49
  you're afraid of how a failure will reflect on
• 12:51
  you. That makes total sense. When a leader forms
• 12:53
  strategic alliances, when they know they have
• 12:56
  sponsors backing them and peers supporting them,
• 12:58
  they transition from merely proving they belong
• 13:00
  in the room to actively utilizing the resources
• 13:04
  in that room to innovate. That's powerful. They
• 13:07
  stop expending all their mental energy defending
• 13:09
  their worth, and they start using that energy
• 13:11
  to actually drive the business forward. It's
• 13:13
  the difference between surviving the environment.
• 13:16
  and shaping the environment. Beautifully put.
• 13:19
  Now, having explored this entire blueprint, you
• 13:21
  know, diagnosing the dual nature of isolation,
• 13:25
  identifying the mechanics of the silent struggle,
• 13:27
  leveraging political capital and making the shift
• 13:30
  to open leadership, we have to look at where
• 13:33
  this framework comes from. Because advice like
• 13:35
  this is really only as good as the person giving
• 13:37
  it. Who actually engineered this workshop? The
• 13:41
  source provides the background for the architect
• 13:43
  of this framework, Mariel Hajiko. And her professional
• 13:47
  history is the reason this workshop focuses so
• 13:50
  heavily on the structural realities of tech rather
• 13:53
  than just generic empowerment platitudes. Exactly.
• 13:57
  Here's where it gets really interesting when
• 13:59
  you look at her background. She has over 25 years
• 14:02
  of experience specifically in STEM and technology
• 14:06
  driven industries. That's a long time to be in
• 14:08
  the trenches. Yeah. She is the founder of an
• 14:10
  organization called the Leaders DNA. But the
• 14:13
  piece of information that makes this whole framework
• 14:15
  credible for me is that she is a former biotech
• 14:18
  leader. Yes. This is not an academic who studied
• 14:21
  corporate isolation from a university library.
• 14:23
  And she isn't just a generalist consultant who
• 14:26
  parachuted into a tech company to give a keynote.
• 14:29
  Right. She has lived in the trenches this workshop
• 14:31
  is designed for. She understands the highly specific
• 14:35
  often unspoken culture of a biotech lab or an
• 14:38
  engineering floor or product development sprint.
• 14:41
  Those environments have their own distinct languages.
• 14:44
  They really do. Standard HR advice like... just
• 14:48
  speak up more in meetings. It often falls totally
• 14:51
  flat in these environments because it doesn't
• 14:52
  account for those systemic biases or the internal
• 14:55
  hyperindependence we discussed. Right. Telling
• 14:58
  someone who is drowning under a heavy backpack
• 15:00
  of rocks to just speak up doesn't work. They
• 15:02
  need a structural solution. Precisely. And that
• 15:06
  is where her dual identity becomes so incredibly
• 15:08
  valuable. She is a former executive, so she knows
• 15:11
  the intense pressure to hit hard metrics and
• 15:13
  deliver results, but she is also an ICF certified
• 15:16
  executive coach and a change practitioner. She
• 15:20
  knows how to engineer behavioral change within
• 15:22
  highly rigid corporate structures. She has worked
• 15:24
  across the whole spectrum, from scrappy, fast
• 15:27
  -moving startups to massive, established Fortune
• 15:31
  500 companies. So she has literally seen how
• 15:33
  isolation scales. Like, she has seen how the
• 15:36
  external biases look in a company of 20 people
• 15:39
  and how they mutate when it's a company of 20
• 15:41
  ,000. Yes. And because she understands both the
• 15:44
  human psychology and the corporate machinery,
• 15:46
  she designed this workshop to bridge the gap.
• 15:48
  That makes perfect sense. She knows how to help
• 15:51
  a seasoned C -suite executive identify their
• 15:54
  blind spots, and she knows how to help an emerging
• 15:56
  leader build the strategic influence required
• 15:59
  to navigate those critical early promotions.
• 16:02
  Yeah. She's essentially giving them the exact
• 16:05
  blueprint she likely had to figure out the hard
• 16:08
  way over her 25 -year career. It completely grounds
• 16:11
  the material. We aren't just looking at a theoretical
• 16:14
  concept. We are looking at a battle -tested strategy
• 16:17
  for surviving and thriving in a very specific,
• 16:20
  demanding industry. Absolutely. So as we pull
• 16:23
  all of these threads together, let's take a look
• 16:24
  at the full picture we've mapped out today. Let's
• 16:27
  do it. We started by dismantling the myth that
• 16:29
  feeling alone as a leader is just a personal
• 16:32
  failing or a natural consequence of success.
• 16:35
  We identified it as a documented silent sabotage.
• 16:38
  Right. looked at the mechanics of the dual nature
• 16:41
  of that isolation. We saw how leaders are caught
• 16:44
  in a crossfire between the external current of
• 16:47
  systemic bias in tech cultures and the internal
• 16:50
  heavy backpack of self -imposed pressure and
• 16:53
  hyperindependence. From there, we explored the
• 16:56
  escape route. We broke down the critical need
• 16:59
  to end the silent struggle, to stop hiding behind
• 17:02
  that illusion of effortless competence. Yeah.
• 17:05
  We discussed how to actively cultivate strategic
• 17:08
  alliances. particularly focusing on that crucial
• 17:11
  difference between a mentor who offers advice
• 17:13
  and a sponsor who actually spends political capital
• 17:16
  to advocate for your advancement. And finally,
• 17:19
  we looked at the ultimate destination, which
• 17:21
  is shifting away from the exhausting defensive
• 17:23
  posture of proving your worth in isolation and
• 17:26
  stepping into a model of open leadership. A model
• 17:29
  where vulnerability is actually a tool for innovation
• 17:31
  and where you lead with the kind of authentic
• 17:33
  confidence that only comes from knowing you have
• 17:35
  a network backing you up. All of this is structured
• 17:37
  through the pragmatic, trench -tested lens of
• 17:40
  Mariel Hajdukow. Which brings us directly to
• 17:42
  you listening to this right now. Yes. I want
• 17:45
  you to audit your own professional environment
• 17:47
  this week. Whether you are stepping into your
• 17:50
  very first management role and trying to establish
• 17:52
  authority, or you are sitting in the C -suite
• 17:56
  managing a massive global team, look for the
• 17:59
  mechanics of this isolation. It's everywhere
• 18:02
  once you start looking. It really is. Where might
• 18:05
  you be carrying a backpack of self -imposed pressure
• 18:09
  that you don't actually need to carry? Where
• 18:11
  are you engaging in a silent struggle because
• 18:14
  you think asking for help will damage your credibility?
• 18:17
  And most importantly, who in your professional
• 18:20
  sphere can you begin cultivating as a sponsor
• 18:23
  today to help you share the load and amplify
• 18:25
  your impact? Those are the immediate personal
• 18:28
  questions to tackle. But I want to leave you
• 18:30
  with one final thought to mull over, and it zooms
• 18:32
  out from the individual to look at the entire
• 18:34
  industry. We have spent this deep dive exploring
• 18:37
  how isolation sabotages the woman leader, how
• 18:40
  it exhausts her, derails her, and stifles her
• 18:43
  career. But think about the broader tech ecosystem
• 18:46
  for a moment. This is an industry that bases
• 18:48
  its entire value on disruption, rapid innovation,
• 18:52
  and solving the most complex problems on the
• 18:54
  planet. That's the whole business model. Exactly.
• 18:57
  So if a massive portion of brilliant, capable
• 19:00
  leaders in this industry are trapped in a silent
• 19:03
  struggle, if they are siloed away, operating
• 19:05
  defensively and pouring all of their intellectual
• 19:07
  energy into simply proving their worth in isolation
• 19:10
  instead of collaborating openly, what happens
• 19:13
  to the innovative potential of the organizations
• 19:15
  they work for? Oh, it has to plummet. Right.
• 19:18
  We treat overcoming this isolation as a self
• 19:20
  -help strategy for personal career survival.
• 19:23
  Yeah. But what if breaking the silence, dropping
• 19:25
  the backpack, and building these strategic alliances
• 19:27
  isn't just about saving one leader's career?
• 19:30
  Yeah. What if dismantling the silent sabotage
• 19:33
  is actually the massive untapped engine required
• 19:36
  for the next generation of industry -wide technology?
• 19:38
  break -throughs.