Latest / The Jasmine Star Show / How to Deal with Negative Comments

Transcript

How to Deal with Negative Comments · The Jasmine Star Show

• 0:13
  Welcome back to the Jasmine Star Show, a place where we find space, grace, the hustle, the grit and everything we need to do to grow a business.
• 0:20
  But ladies and gentlemen, it's a little bit of story time.
• 0:24
  So the room thundered and it was kind of like a lightning bolt head, struck the center of the room and then fissures, ricocheted from all of the walls and from the carpet and from this room sitting in a hotel ballroom.
• 0:36
  Actually I should probably back up and explain how I ended up in that room at that very moment.
• 0:41
  So I was in Napa with my good friend Amy Porterfield, and she said, Hey, do you think I can invite a friend to dinner?
• 0:48
  To which I replied, of course, the more the merrier. So this guy walks in, brings a bottle of wine, and he's larger than life. Like he's the kind of guy that talks so fast and so animated.
• 0:57
  He's like one of those memes that has like the algebra flying above his head and all of these ideas that are flying through his mind and his insights.
• 1:03
  And I thought to myself, whoever this guy is, he's pretty dang smart.
• 1:08
  Lo and behold, his name is Brendan Bouchard.
• 1:09
  And that was the night that I created a new friend.
• 1:12
  So while I was listening to him, I was quiet and I was listening less to his words and I was focusing more on he thought the way that he thought was different than most people.
• 1:22
  And I was intrigued because whenever I see somebody thinking differently, I ask myself how could I possibly think the same way? So the night ended with, you know, champagne, some farewells, and then a week later I get a text message, Hey Jasmine, it's Brendan. Amy gave me your number.
• 1:37
  Are you available to speak at my event?
• 1:41
  To which I replied, when is your event? He said, tomorrow in Huntington Beach. And he's like, can you come speak to my audience?
• 1:47
  And so when I got this message, lo and behold, I had the next day available and anytime I could speak to a crowd of people who follow a man who has algebra floating his head, I would be like, sure, yes and yes. So, you know, 2023, I chose to tell myself that it was the year of yes, but this was December, 2022.
• 2:09
  So I decided I'm gonna start 2023 early. I know about y'all, but 2022, I was ready to end that year.
• 2:14
  Oh, I was ready to end that year.
• 2:18
  So I said yes. Now we were driving, JD and I were driving down Pacific Coast Highway and then we're ready for whatever adventure is gonna come our way cuz I believed I'm gonna go into an adventure.
• 2:29
  But we were not ready for this.
• 2:33
  So I walked off stage and JD grabbed me by the shoulders and he whispered, being in that room felt like we were in a shaken bottle of champagne.
• 2:44
  Y'all, I had never had that type of experience because the group I was speaking to, they weren't just like an audience, they were a group of life coaches.
• 2:53
  And if you meet one life coach and they're like, hi on life, try putting that like I don't even know how many people were in the room.
• 2:58
  Like a thousand people in the room of all people who are high, uh, life.
• 3:03
  And I have spoken to groups before and as I entered into this conference room, the air felt like it sparked.
• 3:10
  And I was speaking to life coaches who charged the event in a way that I've never, ever experiences. Like they were not just high on life, they're high on their own supply.
• 3:18
  You know, they were high on everything that is good and happy. And so all of a sudden, now I have to tell you, I have had a standing ovation before, but not on the regular. Like when I get one, I'm like, wow.
• 3:29
  Like that's pretty incredible in this one. Not one, not two, but three standing ovations.
• 3:34
  Now I have to tell you all, I didn't think it was particularly that good, but I spoke from the core of who I was and I showed up a hundred percent as me.
• 3:44
  And I said things that life coaches needed to hear that they are good enough and they are strong and somebody in the world needs their message.
• 3:51
  But we have to stop ourselves from stopping ourselves brand on social media. That right there.
• 3:57
  So I believe that when people were giving me a standing ovation, they were just giving themselves a standing ovation. That is my God honest truth. Okay, so the keynote ends and then we get into this like uh, q and a session and the q and a session was going really well. And I was like, okay, this is good, this is good.
• 4:10
  And then it came to a close and then a woman raised her hand and she asked Jasmine, how do you deal with rude comments?
• 4:18
  Now the day that this woman is asking me how I deal with rude comments, little does she know that just that morning on my Facebook page, somebody had left a comment and had said, you wouldn't be where you were if it wasn't for, and then she listed X, Y, and Z.
• 4:36
  Why aren't you actually attributing credit to who got you to where you are? Hmm.
• 4:41
  I read this comment and it kind of just sucked the energy out from where I was in that moment. And so what I decided to do is to like to take a step back.
• 4:51
  But what I then did was I went into the social curator community and I was actually talking about the framework I use to, I don't know, deal with negativity on the interwebs because it's not a matter of if, but a matter of when.
• 5:08
  So now that I had seen that comment and then I debated whether or not was gonna respond and then I did the coaching session and then I get on a stage that day and lo and behold a woman asks how I deal with it when little does she know that morning I had.
• 5:24
  So she asks that question and the energy shifts in the room because it's one thing to have an opinion and be on my own and be in my office and respond.
• 5:33
  It's an entirely different thing to be on a stage and have to deal with this publicly. So the energy shifts and then I pause and y'all, if you don't know, now you know I'm 50% holy and I'm 50% hood.
• 5:42
  So I'm standing on this stage and I'm debating how to answer brass knuckles and asking somebody to hold my hoop earrings, oh that didn't seem appropriate in a room full of life coaches.
• 5:50
  Instead I've shared my three part framework for how to Number one, do I think that the comment is rooted in vitriol, falsities or hate? If yes, I'll delete it cuz I ain't got time for that trash.
• 6:02
  Bye-bye. If not, then I move to my second consideration. Number two, do I want to respond? If I don't wanna respond, I don't.
• 6:11
  I don't mind leaving comments at disagree or oppose my opinion as long as they're respectful to all followers. If the answer is yes, then I move to my third consideration.
• 6:20
  Can I respond using only facts with a clear reason why I'm responding? The answer is yes.
• 6:28
  I create a responsive reply, not a reactive reply.
• 6:32
  Now the difference between the two is that one is rooted in emotion and lemme tell you, a emotion gets messy on social media. Now if I respond using logic, facts and respect, then I believe both parties are in a different place.
• 6:43
  Do I hope that rude or negative comments come your way? Yeah, I do.
• 6:48
  When someone disagrees with your point of view, congratulations, you have arrived. Your perspective is worthy of somebody's opinion, time, and attention. And those three things are the most valuable assets online.
• 7:01
  Congratulations, you won. Flip your hair back, check your nails, air, kiss the haters. Because wherever you are watching this, I hope that you find yourself in the middle of a bottle of shaken champagne so that you can look around with light rick ricochet off the walls and say, I have done arrived and I am okay to choose how I'm going to respond.
• 7:23
  Now let's close this little note on the podcast.
• 7:27
  I did actually respond to the negative comment that I got on Facebook.
• 7:30
  I went through my three-part framework and then I whew, I blew off my fingers cuz I got to typing in.
• 7:37
  What I made sure very clear was I have never once not ever denied who has helped me along the way.
• 7:43
  I am forever and will be forever indebted to the kindness, to the endeavors of the other people who saw something in me that said, you are gonna be benefit to me and I will be a benefit to you.
• 7:53
  But I also had to be very clear that there are over 2000 blog posts on Jasmine star photography blog who denote the journey and the people who impacted that.
• 8:01
  If I am forever deaded to cite everybody who has ever helped me on that journey, the list would be so long I'd be writing a comment every single day, all dang day, twice on Sunday. I cannot continuously do that again and again.
• 8:11
  But I have something sitting in perpetuity that sits on my platforms that will forever be pointing back to the truth in the reality of it.
• 8:17
  And point number two, see, here's the thing.
• 8:19
  You do not mess with a Puerto Rican who comes with you with facts and a law school dropout. Let's get to point number two. Point number two, I did things that other people wouldn't.
• 8:25
  I carried bags, I moved offices, I babysat, I sat on trade, showed floors, and I sold other people's products.
• 8:35
  Why? I wanted to be close to the product.
• 8:35
  I wanted to be close to other people.
• 8:38
  I wanted to talk. I wanted to understand the industry.
• 8:40
  I had the wherewithal and the humility to do things that other people wouldn't.
• 8:44
  And yes, people opened the door for me, but I did something.
• 8:46
  I worked for every opportunity that I had.
• 8:49
  So to the lovely person who left the comment on Facebook, I went through my three part framework I did to respond.
• 8:55
  I do not believe it was rooted in hate.
• 8:55
  I do believe it was rooted in shade, but I chose to respond and I did not respond in emotion.
• 9:02
  I responded with facts and I believe with all of my heart that that party and this party are better because of it.
• 9:09
  So as you're watching or listening this podcast and you receive a negative comment, I'm gonna repeat what I said. I'll say it again.
• 9:18
  Congratulations, you arrived.
• 9:18
  It doesn't make it easier, but you've done something worth somebody having an opinion.
• 9:24
  We can look at it with negativity or we can look at it with abundance.
• 9:28
  I choose the latter, like always.
• 9:30
  Thank you for listening to the Jasmine Star Show. It is an honor, it is a privilege. For those of you who are consistent watchers, likers, like leave a review. Yeah, I'm gonna have like normally they're called a gentleman's agreement.
• 9:42
  This is a gentle person's agreement.
• 9:44
  This podcast is created number one from love. Number two, it's free to you for listen. Number three, there are no commercials on this podcast. Number four, your girl is paying the bill for you to enjoy this type of content if you need it to this point. The only thing I would ask in return is to like is to subscribe, is to leave a review, is to take a photo of yourself, whatever it is you're doing as you're watching or consuming this content.
• 10:07
  And tag me why, number one, to thank you personally. And then number two, I want other people to know how they can join this community of hustlers, of dreamers, of believers, so that we can create something together for a better future. Yes and amen.
• 10:20
  Again, thank you for listening to the Jasmine Star show. Have a great day, much love and gratitude to the people who leave reviews for the podcast.
• 10:26
  Special love to Christine DT who writes, I just found your podcast and I love it.
• 10:30
  I feel like you're authentic and really, really wanna help people succeed.
• 10:33
  Thank you, Christine. DT The Lie. Where is the Lie girl, I do want to see you succeed and I want to help people.
• 10:39
  So thank you for leaving that review.
• 10:42
  And Minnie thank you in advance for doing the same much love and gratitude.
• 10:45
  Bye y'all.