Latest / Random Heathen Ramblings / Random Heathen Ramblings: S3, EP5 - Wyrd Days & Rune Castings

Transcript

Random Heathen Ramblings: S3, EP5 - Wyrd Days & Rune Castings · Random Heathen Ramblings

• 0:02
  L and hello everyone. Welcome to the random Heathen
• 0:06
  ramblings podcast, a midgard musings production.
• 0:10
  Join me, Jesse your host as we discuss, random Heathen related
• 0:15
  topics, and various other things in an attempt to find where if
• 0:20
  any Heathen World Views can be applied.
• 0:24
  You can support this podcast by clicking on the link tree Link
• 0:28
  in the description or show notes.
• 0:32
  You can also follow me on all of my social media platforms,
• 0:36
  including Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, and become a
• 0:41
  patron on patreon. Join me every Thursday morning
• 0:47
  at 9:00 a.m. eastern 8, a.m. Central on all major podcast
• 0:51
  streaming platforms including Apple and Google podcasts
• 0:55
  Spotify. I Heart Radio Pandora and many
• 1:00
  many more. If you wish to have your voice
• 1:14
  heard on the random, even ramblings podcast, you can dial
• 1:17
  in to 6. 1 5 6 7 1982 Thank you all once again for listening.
• 1:27
  Random Heathen ramblings podcast.
• 1:29
  Enjoy. Hey LT walk.
• 1:37
  Okay. Well, how are we all doing here?
• 1:41
  Folks? On the random even ramblings
• 1:43
  podcast. Took a week off from the podcast
• 1:50
  last week, didn't put anything out.
• 1:53
  You know what? And it gave me some gave me some
• 1:56
  pause what time to pause and think about things, you know and
• 2:02
  and and talk about why, you know, I don't sometimes, I don't
• 2:12
  prioritize my time as best as I showed her or when I should but
• 2:17
  I get so wrapped up in what I think I should be doing or what
• 2:22
  I feel like I should be doing that, I lose sight of reality,
• 2:26
  you know, in the reality is There's not a whole lot in life
• 2:33
  that I actually have to do, you know, they say you only have to
• 2:37
  do two things in life. That's pay taxes and die but you
• 2:43
  know there's more to life than that and I try to have you know,
• 2:46
  fun with you know doing this this podcast and you know
• 2:54
  talking about things that are just on my mind. and, Sometimes
• 3:03
  I feel forced to have to do it and that's just really me, you
• 3:06
  know, like because I've set a schedule, I've set a goal to do
• 3:10
  something every week, a lot of my hopes for the way the YouTube
• 3:16
  channel is going or is to be going.
• 3:22
  Doesn't it feels like it's forced for me?
• 3:25
  Like I feel like I'm forcing myself to go through it.
• 3:27
  And if I continue doing things in that way, I'm going to get
• 3:33
  burnt out. I'm going to burn myself out,
• 3:35
  and I'm not going to want to do this anymore, and I know that,
• 3:38
  you know, however, many people listen and watch this show.
• 3:45
  However, many people that might be, whether it's five, ten
• 3:48
  fifteen hundred, doesn't, you know, the numbers don't really
• 3:53
  matter but if I push myself to the point where I don't like
• 3:56
  doing this anymore and I stopped doing it, then that's not fair
• 3:58
  to people that enjoy it. So, you know, last week, I was
• 4:03
  like, I gotta do this, I gotta do, I got to these podcasts,
• 4:05
  ladies pies, but I don't even want to, I don't want to get on
• 4:09
  here and talk about anything. And I had a really rough week
• 4:14
  last tweak, you know, kind of just Fighting with myself in my
• 4:21
  head when I know we've all been there.
• 4:23
  I'm sure we've all had those kind of days, maybe some more
• 4:27
  than others where we become so engrossed with.
• 4:32
  What we think we have to do or just life in general become so
• 4:35
  overwhelming. You know, we start thinking
• 4:37
  about our jobs or we start thinking about, you know, the
• 4:41
  thing that we said with our loved ones or this thing that
• 4:44
  somebody said to me and you know, or, you know, we just get
• 4:48
  we get stuck in our own heads so much.
• 4:52
  And when we do that, it it causes us to effectively like,
• 4:57
  shut down at least for me. You know, causes me to just
• 5:01
  effectively shut down and be like well I'm just I'm just not
• 5:05
  going to do anything and that's not really healthy.
• 5:08
  Like I think it's fine to take time to, you know, self care is
• 5:14
  important. Not enough.
• 5:16
  Focus is. I think given on, on self-care.
• 5:20
  Everybody's like, especially when it comes to stuff like
• 5:22
  this, right? Podcast, social media, the the
• 5:25
  likes, you know, when we get into a routine, we get into
• 5:31
  Schedule on things. It's like a second job, man.
• 5:34
  You know, becomes like a well, I gotta, I gotta record this
• 5:39
  content. You know, I got to put out this
• 5:42
  this video, or I got to put out this podcast.
• 5:45
  I gotta do this, I gotta do that.
• 5:46
  And when we look at it that way, or when I look at it that way,
• 5:49
  it's like, this isn't my job, I have a job, you know, I have a
• 5:53
  job that takes up nine hours of my day, sometimes more depending
• 5:58
  on the day. And this is not it, this right
• 6:04
  here talking about stuff doesn't pay the bills. and, you know, so
• 6:13
  really what I what I do by coming on here is is I allow
• 6:17
  this to be kind of like my Let loose and and offload and unwind
• 6:25
  and relax, kind of time and here lately, right?
• 6:30
  Like in the past week or so I hit a point where it was more of
• 6:34
  a stress for me too. To do that.
• 6:37
  It wasn't me unwinding. So I just needed to unwind.
• 6:39
  I just needed to like literally not do everything anything and
• 6:46
  so that's probably going to happen periodically guys.
• 6:49
  You know, just kind of letting you know that as much as I love
• 6:55
  kind of just getting on here, rambling about different things.
• 6:57
  Getting guests on here, talking about different things.
• 7:00
  If it doesn't feel right, and if it doesn't fit, I'm not going to
• 7:02
  push it. I'm not gonna push myself to
• 7:07
  ever get to the point where I hate doing these things and stop
• 7:11
  all together. So it's for my own good and I
• 7:15
  hope you all understand and respect that, you know, there's
• 7:20
  there's enough content that I know Is is really swear if you
• 7:24
  ever get bored, you can always just look through my back
• 7:27
  catalog of videos, comment on those, you know, if it's
• 7:31
  something that you were looking through on my channel,
• 7:33
  especially like the, the YouTube stuff, because that's where most
• 7:38
  of my content is, they ask me where most of it resides is on
• 7:43
  YouTube. Before I started doing these
• 7:45
  podcasts, maybe you see a video and you have a question about
• 7:48
  something or you like hey you know, let's talk about that.
• 7:53
  You know, because I do I see those comments and I will reply
• 7:57
  to him. So, you know, maybe there's not
• 7:59
  a podcast every single week. I'll do my best to keep it up,
• 8:03
  but maybe you see something on a video that, you know, you want
• 8:06
  to talk have me talk talk about or bring somebody on to talk
• 8:09
  about or maybe you want to come on and talk about it.
• 8:12
  Like I said in the intro, right? There's there's opportunity for
• 8:15
  people to come on and be a guest and if you're interested and you
• 8:17
  want to do that, you can either call in to the hotline, which is
• 8:20
  again, six, one, five, six seven, one, Nine eight, three,
• 8:24
  two, and share your thoughts. And we'll share that here on the
• 8:29
  podcast, if you want to become a guest and see here virtually
• 8:31
  with me and talk about stuff you know will entertain that idea to
• 8:35
  you can send an email midgard musings Tian at gmail.com you
• 8:40
  can add me on Twitter you can send me a direct message.
• 8:43
  If you send a direct message on Instagram I'm not going to see
• 8:46
  it because I don't watch. I don't I don't like have that
• 8:50
  that platform. Watch it, I don't monitor it.
• 8:54
  So keep an eye on the Facebook. I keep an eye on Twitter and of
• 8:58
  course, the email. So those are the best ways to
• 8:59
  get in touch with me if you don't want your voice heard, But
• 9:06
  yeah. So anyways you know it's a
• 9:09
  heathen podcast. Let's keep it Heathen baby.
• 9:11
  Let's let's keep it as even as possible.
• 9:13
  Um, Where does this all tie in? How does this all tie in, you
• 9:18
  know, Obligation responsibility. Those are words that, you know,
• 9:24
  get get used a lot in in Heathen circles as tenants or as parts
• 9:34
  of world view, of a heathen world view that we all tend to
• 9:39
  have. And, you know, having an
• 9:40
  obligation to do something. If you fail to follow through
• 9:44
  with that obligation, you know, how much of that speaks to your
• 9:49
  honor and And, you know, I don't follow through with what you say
• 9:53
  and, you know, all of that. But The way I see it right?
• 10:00
  Is that my obligations and my honor and all that is is is tied
• 10:08
  directly to my clan, my immediate family.
• 10:12
  The people who I have in my life that I tie the most amount of
• 10:17
  weird with, you know, that we share the most amount of time
• 10:21
  with. So that's like, my wife and my
• 10:25
  in-laws and then there's You know, the extension of that
• 10:30
  Cannon kiss, you know, her family, and then tribe which is
• 10:36
  an extension of family. Those are where my obligations
• 10:40
  lie. If I ever do anything
• 10:42
  extracurricular like this, like I said before, this does not
• 10:45
  provide bread on the table, doesn't keep a roof over my
• 10:48
  head. It's just a fun thing.
• 10:50
  And there is some, you know, monetary Kickback that I see
• 10:53
  like every few months or four months or whatever they like,
• 10:57
  you know, doesn't doesn't amount to much, but so it's just, you
• 11:03
  know, again like more of a hobby that, you know, I enjoyed to do
• 11:07
  so by obligations lie with the people that I just mentioned not
• 11:12
  Anyone else? Now one could say, you know well
• 11:16
  you know, you said you're going to do this, you said you're
• 11:18
  going to do that, you said you're gonna, you know, put out
• 11:20
  content Here. There and Everywhere you're
• 11:21
  going to that and you know that was those were lofty goals and I
• 11:29
  never swore an oath to keep that I never made it a thing where I
• 11:34
  was going to be like, you know, if I don't do this I have to,
• 11:38
  you know, pay the penalty, so to speak, but I get it, you know?
• 11:41
  Like when somebody comes out here and says, yeah, well you
• 11:44
  guys can expect a certain thing and then the next big tations,
• 11:47
  not delivered. That's, that's a bummer.
• 11:51
  And that's a drag and you lose a little bit of credibility for
• 11:55
  yourself. If you don't.
• 11:56
  Liver on the things that you say.
• 11:59
  So it goes back to me, right? It goes back to me thinking
• 12:01
  about okay well, what did I did is is what I was offering too
• 12:06
  much for me to handle. And I honestly think at this
• 12:11
  point in time, it is you know, for me to come on here and
• 12:18
  record a podcast episode once a week and upload it, you know,
• 12:24
  and take the take the hour, two hours of my time to make sure
• 12:28
  that it's On all the platforms for everybody to get to.
• 12:34
  That's about all I'm comfortable with doing right now.
• 12:38
  You know, whatever else the channel happens to to have.
• 12:42
  I know I was talking to my, my go the last week about this or
• 12:48
  might have been earlier this week.
• 12:49
  Yeah, that was earlier this week actually about this, you know,
• 12:53
  he's even like a you know if we need something to just fill in
• 12:56
  the gaps, you know some extra content, you know, there's
• 12:59
  there's something That that he offer heat that he could do.
• 13:02
  And I said sure you know absolutely and if you want to
• 13:05
  just have, you know, even if it's a 5 6, 7 Minute long video
• 13:10
  of you talking about something that's on your mind, you know,
• 13:13
  that that gets put up on the channel, right?
• 13:14
  It's content. It's something that people can
• 13:18
  see and hear. It may not be a podcast on on,
• 13:20
  you know, the podcast platforms. But it's something that you can
• 13:26
  always go to YouTube. And most everybody, I mean I
• 13:28
  don't think there's hardly Anybody that doesn't watch
• 13:33
  videos on YouTube, right? So you've always got it there.
• 13:36
  So there was talks about that, we'll see where that goes.
• 13:38
  We'll see how that pans out. But you know, guys, a lot of
• 13:42
  what's a lot of what 2022 has has really kind of taught me.
• 13:50
  And a lot of us, a lot of my friends, a lot of my nearest and
• 13:52
  dearest is man. You got to take care of
• 13:55
  yourself. If you're not taking care of
• 13:57
  yourself, you're going to be able to take care of anybody.
• 13:59
  Else or help anybody else? Because you are in a position
• 14:02
  that's, you know, less than Optimum.
• 14:06
  You know what I mean? Like, you're not operating at
• 14:08
  your Peak and if you're not operating at your Peak and if
• 14:11
  you're not taking care of yourself in the best possible
• 14:13
  way, then how can you expect to be of use to others?
• 14:17
  Your worth is not what it could be.
• 14:22
  You know, you you will not be as worthwhile, you will not, you
• 14:25
  will be worthless or worth less to Our people if you're not
• 14:30
  taking care of yourself. So it's important for me to
• 14:34
  realize that yes, as much as I've said, well, I'm going to
• 14:37
  put out, you know, this this, you know, video want some are
• 14:39
  going to livestream once a month.
• 14:40
  I'm going to do this. I'm going to be that lofty goals
• 14:43
  like doesn't maybe seem like a lot, but at the end of the day,
• 14:45
  when, you know, working my normal shifts at my job and then
• 14:50
  putting in extra time and having to deal with all of the things
• 14:53
  that that comes with to pay the bills to keep the roof over the
• 14:56
  head to, to provide for my family and my loved ones.
• 14:59
  Right. And to do all these things, I'm
• 15:03
  burning myself out on other stuff.
• 15:05
  I'm and I'm not able to perform well.
• 15:09
  And do the things that I am obligated to do then, it's it
• 15:14
  becomes a problem. So I've caught that early on and
• 15:16
  I've realized that. Yeah.
• 15:19
  I don't need to do all this stuff and maybe I'll maybe
• 15:22
  that'll change, like maybe that'll be.
• 15:25
  You know the saying that it's not the the end all be all
• 15:29
  right. But at least for now you know
• 15:32
  you get a video if you get a podcast a week you had a video a
• 15:35
  week that's about it and I hope you guys enjoy it and if I you
• 15:39
  know subscribers drop whatever I get I get so stuck on the
• 15:44
  numbers, right? Because it for my job and what I
• 15:47
  do on a daily basis, it's Very analytical, right?
• 15:50
  I'm looking at numbers I'm looking at metrics and looking
• 15:52
  at Trends and statistics and things like that you know, as an
• 15:57
  analyst. So it's very natural for me to
• 16:01
  look at, you know, subscribers followers how much of my podcast
• 16:06
  is being listened to where, you know, on what devices on what
• 16:09
  platforms on, what do I what can I do to be more engaging this
• 16:12
  and that and it could become something that again I I'd I
• 16:15
  take so much. Attention on it or put so much
• 16:19
  attention on that. It has it controls me after
• 16:22
  that. It's again, it's like going from
• 16:23
  one job a full-time job to, you know, a part-time job of doing
• 16:31
  something similar. And I and you know, that's just
• 16:33
  not not. It's not where I want it to go.
• 16:35
  It's not what I wanted to become.
• 16:39
  So, the last week when I didn't do anything on the podcast, you
• 16:43
  know, I was having like I said, a real kind of rough time, and I
• 16:47
  could just a bad mental health day, say that much, right?
• 16:53
  And I thought, well, I'll sleep on it and I'll wake up and it'll
• 16:57
  be okay. And it wasn't it lasted for, you
• 17:01
  know, I would say the whole almost the whole week And it
• 17:08
  definitely. You know, I guess I said, we all
• 17:13
  have our bait. We all have our days.
• 17:14
  We all have our times where some of us more than others maybe.
• 17:19
  But went through it all, you know, endured you know, as I've
• 17:23
  said before and have quoted Eric shervin from the Ravens called
• 17:27
  many a time, you know, adversity breeds worth and you go through
• 17:32
  things and you go through those times where it's tough and it's
• 17:36
  and it's hard and you're being tempered, you're being
• 17:40
  challenged, you know what I'm saying?
• 17:42
  And how you deal with those challenges and how you work
• 17:44
  through them tempers you in it and it strengthens you and it
• 17:48
  reads Worth to the people around you that you deal with.
• 17:55
  So after, you know, just kind of going through the motions and
• 18:03
  externalizing it in a way that was healthy, you know, talking
• 18:06
  to people about it, saying, hey, I'm really not feeling the
• 18:09
  greatest, this is what I'm dealing with.
• 18:11
  This is what I'm battling. This is what I'm struggling with
• 18:14
  and, you know, sometimes those conversations that you have with
• 18:17
  people, you know, those two, three hour long phone calls, I
• 18:21
  mean a lot and then really help out and it helps put things back
• 18:24
  into perspective but fast forward right to from last week
• 18:28
  to this week and things were better.
• 18:30
  And I'm like, yeah I'm ready to get back on this podcast train
• 18:34
  and then talk to people about stuff and check in with people
• 18:37
  again and I got a phone call or I, you know, I was I was texting
• 18:45
  a buddy of mine, who's one of our tribe brothers and, you
• 18:49
  know, he recently lost his dad back in October and It's been a
• 18:58
  rough time, obviously, for the guy that hit him in, his dad are
• 19:02
  very close. and he's still a bit lost with it, I think, you know,
• 19:10
  so He kind of went dark on social media and I knew about it
• 19:16
  ahead of time, but I kept in touch with him through text, you
• 19:19
  know, just send him a text here. Now, he bothering, you know,
• 19:22
  checking in on you, how you doing and He called me up the
• 19:26
  other night and I could tell right that he was in a mental
• 19:34
  state. Like he was in a state of
• 19:36
  altered Consciousness, whether he'd been drinking or what it
• 19:40
  was obvious, you know? But it's okay, you know, you're
• 19:44
  calling me, let's talk, you know, but he kept coming back,
• 19:49
  he kept, he kept saying he's like, yeah, well you called me
• 19:51
  an end and I'm answering the call and I'm like, I never
• 19:55
  called you. I texted you a bunch of times
• 19:59
  and but I never called you, you know, and he's like no no I
• 20:04
  don't mean a phone call. I mean that you called out to me
• 20:09
  and I remembered that. One of the text messages that I
• 20:14
  had sent him was for anybody that follows my, you know,
• 20:18
  Twitter and Facebook and Instagram.
• 20:20
  You guys have probably seen the photos that I shared.
• 20:24
  Earlier in the week of a smoke session that I was doing, it was
• 20:29
  a frankincense, resin smoke session and I was outside and I
• 20:32
  had on my new ritual robe that it's a hooded robe.
• 20:39
  Makes me look like a Jedi man if you think you want to look at it
• 20:42
  that way but it's pretty cool. My wife got it for me is like a
• 20:45
  early engagement anniversary gift. / Valentine's Day gift
• 20:51
  anyway, that picture Had me, you know, burning the resin in a
• 20:55
  cauldron, a small, porcelain cauldron.
• 20:58
  That my brother here that when referring to had gifted to me
• 21:02
  back earlier in January as a late, you'll gift.
• 21:08
  And I remember sending him that picture since I know he wasn't
• 21:11
  on social media and I said, hey your cauldron is being put to
• 21:18
  good use, I'm using it to hold the thing that burns the resin
• 21:22
  right? And that's what he meant by you
• 21:27
  call and I'm answering. It's like I felt he said, I felt
• 21:30
  that energy that you put out there.
• 21:34
  I, you know, I knew that it was more than just a picture that
• 21:36
  you sent me. He said I I knew that what you
• 21:39
  were doing was was reaching your the intent of your smoke session
• 21:44
  and and what not it was it was reaching me and I was like cool
• 21:47
  like You know, so how you doing man?
• 21:51
  You know, like checking in like so, okay, so you're answering,
• 21:54
  I'm answering your call, you're answering my call how we doing?
• 21:59
  Well, you know, one thing led to another, and we're sitting there
• 22:03
  talking and he says, I'm going to need you to do a casting room
• 22:09
  casting, right? For you.
• 22:15
  And I said, okay well this is this is this is odd and I don't
• 22:17
  normally don't cast the rooms like in this manner, usually
• 22:22
  it's always done in person, you know.
• 22:24
  So again this is on a phone call.
• 22:25
  He's like go grab the bones man, go grab the bones.
• 22:29
  So I did and they said just just cast them.
• 22:34
  How you would you know something reached in grab the handful and
• 22:40
  and cast them just, you know, toss them out on the on the on
• 22:43
  the surface, on the table there and Two rooms came up and the
• 22:52
  rest were concealed. So it was a total of 77 runes
• 22:58
  that made it out of my hand. And again, I there were there
• 23:04
  was to that that revealed themselves.
• 23:06
  The first they was, I was and there was Burke on oh, And the
• 23:13
  rest of the other five were concealed, they were upside
• 23:16
  down. I didn't see what which ones
• 23:18
  they were at first he said, okay.
• 23:20
  He said the things that are the ones that are visible to you are
• 23:25
  your hopes and fears. and, And in and then he said the and so
• 23:34
  hopes and fears and said, okay well it's just these two.
• 23:38
  And then he said, well, the others are going to be your
• 23:41
  friends and enemies there. It's there's like a duality here
• 23:46
  or something. Which is interesting.
• 23:48
  Because again, I've usually, I'm the one casting right now.
• 23:53
  I'm the one reading. For somebody else, he didn't
• 23:58
  have runes to cast or he wasn't casting.
• 24:00
  He was like, You cast them. And I'm going to tell you how to
• 24:02
  read them, or what to read and that that sort of way.
• 24:05
  It's very interesting is a very different experience, you know.
• 24:11
  And so anyway the the rest of the rooms that came up Gotta.
• 24:24
  I'm going to find which, which ones they work because I don't
• 24:27
  remember them. All but the the remaining five
• 24:32
  rooms that were concealed that when I once I turn them, over
• 24:36
  was El juez. En sus Munoz all, ooh, and law
• 24:42
  goose. So he said you know those are
• 24:47
  your its friends and enemies and then but the ones that really
• 24:50
  the ones that really stuck out to me and it's like, you know,
• 24:53
  I'm going to look into the I'm going to meditate on this a bit
• 24:56
  more but the the whole hopes and fears thing being Iowa's and
• 25:04
  percona. The I was room, you know, that
• 25:11
  one is has been a very prominent.
• 25:16
  Rune for me lately, ever since about November, when my myself
• 25:21
  and my go, the in-law speaker went to the woods and had a
• 25:27
  spiritual journey that night in November I was was a was a rune
• 25:34
  that I was thinking about beforehand.
• 25:37
  And then after the ritual, right?
• 25:42
  When you get to fast forward to January, when we had our you'll
• 25:45
  ceremony, that's the room that I pulled during our, you'll
• 25:50
  following our sambal ritual. and then, My brother here that I'm
• 25:56
  talking about that I'm talking with on the phone.
• 25:58
  After our you'll think is he couldn't make it to you and when
• 26:00
  he came over and he came over to my house, you know, a week or
• 26:03
  two after you'll and we did at our reading hehe, I have a Tarot
• 26:09
  deck of Norse, gods and runes, and stuff like that.
• 26:14
  It's and I don't do tarot like, I've but my wife, gifted them to
• 26:17
  me and they've been used periodically, and he did a tarot
• 26:20
  reading for me, in the last card that I picked out of the deck.
• 26:25
  At the very end of it, all was Iowa's, the Rune Iowa's.
• 26:29
  And then here we go with. I was popping up again.
• 26:36
  You know, and the the connections from me with that
• 26:39
  Rune, being the kind of the axis between the Realms, you know,
• 26:45
  achieving the connection to your higher self and then the other
• 26:50
  opposite end, connecting to connect the under lying layers.
• 26:56
  What's beneath what's above and beneath and finding that
• 26:59
  connection between the two traveling as it were you know
• 27:03
  using it as a Aruna, meditate on for shamanic type work, which
• 27:10
  I've really become Very strongly focused on an interested in, in
• 27:18
  my own spirituality. And then, you know, Burke on 0
• 27:23
  with the, the connections it has of, you know, Sanctuary
• 27:30
  protection, secrecy the feminine energy, the feminine fertility
• 27:33
  energy. You know, there was a lot later
• 27:36
  on that night. So once we got off the phone,
• 27:38
  once I got off the phone with him and I start thinking about
• 27:42
  everything that he said, you know, hopes and fears home soon.
• 27:44
  It was you know, which one is my hope in, which one is my fear,
• 27:48
  and I got to realizing that it's one's not a hope.
• 27:51
  And the other is in the fear, it's that they can be both and
• 27:54
  they can go back and forth. You, when you could have hopes
• 27:57
  of both of things pertaining to these rooms and you can have
• 28:01
  fears of both of these things pertaining to these rooms and
• 28:04
  you know, it all really started making sense and it became a
• 28:09
  very very interesting night after that, it was very
• 28:15
  emotionally draining and this was now at this point of the
• 28:17
  week, you know, two nights ago from tip from the time of this
• 28:21
  podcast being aired, you know, so I, I went through that whole
• 28:33
  moment that night thinking about things, and it was getting very
• 28:37
  emotionally taxing because there was, there were things that came
• 28:42
  up about myself. My my immediate family, that who
• 28:46
  I don't talk to anymore, the family around me who have kind
• 28:49
  of been adopted into, you know, my wife's nieces and nephews who
• 28:57
  have by default become my niece and nephew.
• 29:00
  As well and having that connection and having
• 29:07
  involvement in their lives, in their very, very young lives.
• 29:09
  Like her nephew just turned one a couple of weeks ago and her
• 29:15
  niece who she watches almost every day of the week is just I
• 29:20
  think now little bit older than four months old.
• 29:23
  So again, being being involved in their very developmental
• 29:27
  years and very early stages of their life.
• 29:32
  It's potent stuff. Me and like it strong, strong,
• 29:37
  young, strong energy. You know.
• 29:38
  Very very fresh. Very new and very deep.
• 29:42
  But the, the one knee, like the one child.
• 29:45
  Nate, my wife's niece. Her father is He hasn't been
• 29:53
  listening watching, it's my stuff for any length of time,
• 29:55
  you know that my wife's brother, you know, committed suicide last
• 30:00
  summer and this is his daughter that she will never meet him in
• 30:05
  person. You know.
• 30:06
  It's like she'll never see him in person than in our in the way
• 30:09
  we you know, connect with you know, tangibly But he's always
• 30:17
  around and and it's just, you know, that's where the whole I
• 30:20
  was thinking comes in, you know, the connection between the seen
• 30:23
  and the Unseen the Mortal plane and the the sacred plane of the
• 30:28
  profane space and Sacred Space and having having that powerful
• 30:33
  connection between the Realms as it were in between those spaces.
• 30:40
  Hoping for that, hoping that what I am.
• 30:45
  Doing as an uncle is good enough for Prozac, you know, for his
• 30:53
  daughter who we watch and care for or help care for, you know,
• 30:58
  hoping for that and being afraid of it, not of not being good
• 31:03
  enough, you know what I mean? So having that again, one is not
• 31:06
  just the hope and the other is not just the, the fear of Vice
• 31:09
  Versa. It's it's both for both of them.
• 31:13
  And then again, with the The Burr Connor and similarly you
• 31:18
  know, not having children of my own but having a role in
• 31:22
  children's lives that are very close to us and having that, you
• 31:28
  know, being an uncle, how impactful an uncle is for a
• 31:34
  child. I mean, I know my uncle who's
• 31:36
  has been a very important part of my life, especially my very
• 31:40
  early years and from my childhood into my youth and ends
• 31:43
  in my young adulthood as much of an influence as he was during
• 31:51
  that time, makes me, you know, reflect on those moments and
• 31:56
  being afraid, you know, or fearing that you know, I won't
• 32:02
  live up to that title or live up to that responsibility, but
• 32:08
  hoping for that and hoping to be someone whose You know who
• 32:15
  doesn't have you? No children of his own per se,
• 32:19
  but he's sired, right? but but with, you know,
• 32:25
  nonetheless being that safe Sanctuary, you know, being that,
• 32:35
  I guess you know taking on enough of the feminine energy
• 32:39
  right? Because again you know being a
• 32:41
  man you know you've got this thing in the back of your head
• 32:45
  and you know it's you know always be strong and be stoic
• 32:48
  and be a provider but there's there's nothing wrong with
• 32:52
  embracing your feminine side and showing love and compassion and
• 32:58
  care and and all that kind of stuff too.
• 33:03
  Because that's part of Of, it's just part of humanity, man.
• 33:06
  It gets its That's the end. That's one thing that big that's
• 33:10
  why it became such an emotional night is because reflecting on
• 33:16
  that November ritual, right? And experiencing ego, death,
• 33:22
  that to the point that myself as a young 30, something year old
• 33:27
  man died that night that, that part of me was gone, and it was
• 33:33
  like, I'm not a man anymore. I'm not even a human being.
• 33:36
  I'm just a living Entity. I'm just a living thing.
• 33:41
  I'm gonna and I'm sharing existence.
• 33:43
  I'm sharing life with so many other living things around me.
• 33:46
  And you know your identity is Doesn't matter, you know, it
• 33:55
  didn't matter and it still doesn't, you know, really matter
• 33:58
  anymore to me. Did at least it not as much as
• 34:00
  it once. Did, you know, like they're
• 34:02
  still parts of me that are just me, my attitude, my mannerisms,
• 34:10
  you know, my characteristics or whatever.
• 34:12
  But it's so much dialed back from what it used to be because
• 34:16
  of that experience that I had in November and having that part of
• 34:20
  myself the ego die. so it doesn't, it doesn't bother me at
• 34:28
  all, to think about, You know, embracing the feminine side of
• 34:33
  things and embracing the more you know, caring and loving and
• 34:38
  gentler side and it's okay to be vulnerable.
• 34:40
  It's okay to feel these feelings.
• 34:46
  It is, you know, and it's not be so proud or whatever the right
• 34:51
  word is, you know, not to be so stuck on.
• 34:54
  Well, I'm a man and I can't feel that.
• 34:55
  I shouldn't be feeling that so that toll, you know, ritual
• 35:00
  experience leading up to last you know, couple of nights ago
• 35:04
  when my buddy and I had that phone conversation and I cast
• 35:09
  those rooms and he's telling me about what to ponder on and what
• 35:12
  to think of It's like a continuation of that night you
• 35:17
  know of from back in November, a little things that pop up little
• 35:20
  things that happen. I was I was, you know, telling
• 35:25
  telling somebody a couple of weeks ago about how certain
• 35:28
  things that I see and view, like literally seal I'll be looking
• 35:34
  at something and I see things about it that I never saw
• 35:37
  before, you know, Ric things move that shouldn't be moving
• 35:41
  but that are moving. Like I'm literally watching it.
• 35:44
  Vibrate, move whatever. And I'm like up.
• 35:46
  Here we go again. It's those little glimmers was a
• 35:52
  little memories that pop up that remind you of of the bigger
• 35:55
  picture and it's a beautiful thing.
• 35:58
  It's a beautiful thing. I never wanted to go away and it
• 36:01
  makes me want to continue on in that Journey because it's
• 36:05
  life-changing it's absolutely life-changing and you can't ever
• 36:10
  go back to life the way it was before once you've experienced
• 36:14
  it like you just can't II don't see how I don't see how anybody
• 36:18
  could still trying to figure out, you know, still still
• 36:22
  meditating on the friends and enemies thing between those
• 36:25
  other five rooms, you know. still haven't quite come up with
• 36:34
  a summary of that. But it'll get there.
• 36:40
  I'll get there. take its time, you know, let the Let the boat
• 36:45
  kind of just Coast through the waters and you figure out when
• 36:49
  you get there. But, um, yeah man.
• 36:52
  So that's, you know, that's kind of where things are, that's
• 36:56
  where things have been and that's where things are going.
• 37:00
  So I don't know where I'll be next week, if it'll be a podcast
• 37:09
  or if it'll be something else or what?
• 37:12
  I definitely want to try to keep the Cadence of Weekly podcast
• 37:15
  even if it's you know shorter than and then then then others
• 37:20
  you know I the hour to hour and a half long ones are better when
• 37:24
  there's guests but there's nothing wrong with you know, 20
• 37:29
  30 minute video of something else just to make, you know,
• 37:34
  make make a difference. So anyway, that's that's kind of
• 37:39
  where things are and that's that's going to be where today's
• 37:43
  episode ends on. You know, relatively short one,
• 37:47
  but kind of wanted to, you know, share that whole thing with
• 37:49
  everybody and let you know, right?
• 37:51
  That I was having a moment. I was having I was having a
• 37:56
  rough time and you expect things from me and it's only fair for
• 38:03
  me to take care of myself and then offer the transparency to
• 38:09
  you guys, too. You know, keep you informed as
• 38:14
  much as possible about where things are at because it's not
• 38:17
  fair otherwise. So then again, I not not a very
• 38:24
  profound episode this week, I don't think but if you did enjoy
• 38:27
  it liking the video up, voting the podcast, whatever engaging
• 38:33
  on the platform that you're listening to this on.
• 38:35
  I think you know, I think Spotify has a feature where you
• 38:39
  can favorite the episode or whatever and then Probably all
• 38:42
  the other ones. Google Apple podcast.
• 38:44
  I don't know what it is, but if it does, and if it's there,
• 38:47
  Smash It vote, it. Share them around to, you never
• 38:52
  know what someone is going through.
• 38:55
  We're hearing the experiences of somebody else like me or
• 39:00
  whatever hearing about this experience might.
• 39:05
  You know, help somebody, you never know.
• 39:07
  I don't know. So if you do like these things
• 39:10
  keep engaging with them. Thank you again to everyone, you
• 39:13
  know who's who's who stuck through all my patrons, all of
• 39:17
  my channel members, all of the people who have, you know,
• 39:20
  subscribed followed like shares. All of that.
• 39:23
  Thank you for being engaging and thank you for sticking around
• 39:27
  and I appreciate you. I may not feel like I'm doing
• 39:32
  the greatest thing or I'm not seeing the greatest numbers.
• 39:34
  Everybody. I'm dialing it back to not be
• 39:38
  focused on that so much because otherwise it's going to consume.
• 39:40
  It's going to eat me up and I'm going to become a slave to this
• 39:44
  machine as it were and I'm going to become too engrossed with it
• 39:48
  all because I'm so stuck on the numbers.
• 39:50
  Right. I'm so stuck on the metrics.
• 39:54
  It's not important for me at this level, they should, you
• 39:57
  see, at least it shouldn't be. So you guys have a great rest of
• 40:01
  the day, the week, the night, morning, whatever it is,
• 40:04
  wherever you are. I hope you enjoy it.
• 40:08
  And until we talk again May the gods and your ancestors continue
• 40:13
  to walk with you. And thank you so much.