Latest / Aspergers & Autism Podcast [The Aspie World] AuDHD / Autistic People Fear This (Not What YOU Think)

Transcript

Autistic People Fear This (Not What YOU Think) · Aspergers & Autism Podcast [The Aspie World] AuDHD

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  I tried sitting down and thinking about what was the main
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  thing that like correlates all autistic individuals.
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  What is it? What is the thing that like
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  binds us together? And that is fear.
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  And I'll talk about that in in a second.
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  Hey guys, what's going on? Welcome back to the Afsby world.
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  So I'm autistic, my name is Dan by the way.
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  And I was thinking to myself, what is the one thing that kind
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  of groups us all together? What what is autistic one-on-one
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  autistic individuals? What is one of the biggest
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  things now? It's fear based issues, but the
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  fear comes from not being understood or not being heard
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  and valued. All that means is autistic
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  individuals don't feel heard and valued because they are
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  sometimes like said to be in their own head or were said to.
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  We don't understand what other people are saying or we don't
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  understand, you know, what the social kind of norms are.
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  But on the same time, we have to think about the fact that other
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  people don't understand where we're coming from.
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  You know, other people don't really get what we see
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  difficult. They don't understand why we act
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  in a certain way, why we don't act in a certain way, what we
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  find difficult. And really got me thinking of
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  when I was a kid, when I was younger, because I feel like a
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  lot of the the issues we have now as adults in the autism
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  spectrum stem from the fact that when we were younger, we had
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  trauma because it was the first time we've ever experienced
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  these things, right? And what I mean by this is I'll
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  give you an example. Rejection sensitive dysphoria is
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  a condition that comes along with autism and ADHD actually
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  quite profoundly. And it's kind of RSD is the name
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  we give to it. But it's thinking about the fact
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  that sometimes we think we're always wrong, right?
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  So when we speak with to people, we always think we've done
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  something wrong. Hey, have I offended you?
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  Oh my God, if I upset you and we're constantly asking for
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  validation from people because we're trying to find out, oh,
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  have I, have I upset this person?
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  Did I just, you know, have they took an offence to something
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  that I've said? And this comes from the fact
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  that we are not just oversensitive, hyper apologetic
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  kind of for years. OK, well, maybe sometimes.
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  But what it comes from is when we were kids and we're learning
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  to do things, we were constantly told that's not how you do it.
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  You're wrong. Come over here, do this
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  properly, right? And as autistic individuals, 2
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  things happened. 1 is that we were behind on our social
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  development and understanding the norms of society.
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  And then the second thing is that we take things literally.
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  And so it's as literal then as it is now.
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  And so our brains constantly tell us that we're doing things
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  wrong. We are.
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  We're always in the wrong. We're never going to, we're
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  never going to get it right because we're autistic people.
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  And so now we have that kind of trauma from when we were kids
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  setting is up for falls when we're when we're adults.
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  But what does that really mean in the bigger picture?
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  Well, when I was a kid, I was just constantly in fear because
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  I felt nobody understood me, nobody understood my needs.
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  There was never a shared idea. Nobody.
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  My mum and dad would have one way of dealing with me and then
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  my, I don't know, my brother or sister would have a way of
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  dealing with me. Then I go to school and the
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  school would have a different way of dealing with me and my
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  doctors and my psychologists, my psychiatrist, they were all, oh,
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  yeah, well, they treat me in a different way and they didn't
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  really know. So then you'd have to rely on my
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  mum to be, oh, what has, what has done, done the last week?
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  And then I was, oh, well, I can't remember.
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  And so all of those things I believe were super important to
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  the, the future and the validation of my success and my
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  growth as a person. Because imagine not knowing what
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  you, you know, what was causing your triggers, then how are you
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  supposed to even identify them in the future to stop them
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  happening, right? Because meltdown, triggers,
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  burnout, shutdown, you know, all of those things.
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  We need to identify those triggers and we need to kind of
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  keep track of those because we don't, then we're never going to
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  be able to move on or progress or help, right?
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  And I think that's super interesting because the, the
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  biggest scale, the bigger picture here is that now I'm an
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  adult, I actually talk to my, my therapist and my doctor and my
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  partner and my children. They all know what kind of what
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  I don't like, where I, where I do like, because I can advocate
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  for myself now. And I just wished I had this
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  when I was a kid. And so I was doing some digging
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  about this. And just a side note, actually,
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  I was doing some digging to find out what would be the best way
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  to do this. And I found myself an app for a
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  website or a journal or a diary that every cap says to would be
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  ace. And I actually found a, a cool
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  app. It's called village metrics.
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  I think village, village metrics.
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  OK, so the app's called Village Metrics and it is actually
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  pretty cool. You can load in your child or
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  the person that you're caring for in here and you can also
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  then send an invite to the care team, school, other parents if
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  you're kind of a Co parenting team.
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  And it's kind of cool because you journal all the things in
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  there and then everyone has access to everyone could comment
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  on it and see it. It's a centralized hub for,
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  maybe it's primarily a guest for parents, but I think it's not
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  going to stop anyone who's looking after someone who was on
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  the office of Spectrum with a shared care team.
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  It's amazing and it's actually very private.
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  I checked and it actually has all the GDPR and HIPAA
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  compliance. This thing is very, very cool.
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  Now I will leave a link because I think this is so important.
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  I'll leave a link for this down below or a card here somewhere
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  on YouTube. And if you're on Facebook, I'll
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  put the link in the comment. But that is a perfect example of
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  how we can improve the value or the validation of autistic
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  individuals, especially when they're younger, to stop this
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  happening. You know, when we're older or we
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  feel invalidated and the fear comes from the fact that we're
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  invalidated. We feel like nobody understands
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  us if nobody understands us and they're going to, not going to
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  have any trust in US or have any value input onto US.
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  And so that kind of gives us a reinforcement of the rejection
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  sensitivity dysphoria where we say, oh, we don't have the
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  audacity or the right or the insight or the, the, the
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  authority to do XY or Z right? And that really, really
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  interests me so, and one of my my main things is trying to kind
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  of help coach people out of this and then reverse that kind of
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  thought process so that they can become more confident adults,
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  right. And I do have free training and
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  a free ebook all about this that you can get right now from
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  www.bulletproofbrain.org if that's something you want to do.
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  It is LinkedIn, my videos and the link in my bio.
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  If you just go there. But if you're, you know,
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  interested about this just and you can't find it, just comment
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  and I'll link you to it. But I think that for us as
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  autistic adults, we, there's two things, obviously, One is having
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  an app like the Village Metrics that I mentioned, because it
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  gives us shared care plans for our kids and caregivers.
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  You know, if we're dealing with children on the autism spectrum
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  as well, or if we're looking after an adult on the autism
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  spectrum, but not just having a shared care plan, but also
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  having a personal development. How do I improve myself?
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  How do I go forward? How can I, what can I do to
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  improve how I feel about myself? Not improve yourself for other
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  people, but improve yourself for you, right.
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  And I guess that's what I'm doing with my coaching
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  programme. I do a coaching mentorship
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  programme and it kind of, it's really interesting.
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  So I started doing coaching one-on-one with people and then
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  people asked for more in depth on some of my programmes, like a
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  bulletproof brain. And so I, I moved to say, OK,
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  what if I mentored you 1:00 to 1:00 every day?
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  And people were kind of OK, cool.
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  So they were getting that feedback 1 to 1 and I was
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  actually helping them in real time, 1 to one personally giving
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  them that time. And it worked so well and it
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  works so well. Actually, I've, I've just
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  allowed applicants to, to kind of apply to this.
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  You can book a free call with me and you can talk about it with
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  me. And you can do that right now.
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  You can go to the link down below or just go to link to my
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  bio and look for one to one mentorship.
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  And if you click that and you can just go through book a pre
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  call with me. Don't cost anything, girl, call
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  me and then we can discuss if it's the right fit for you.
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  Now I will say that the mentorship is something that I
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  do charge for and it is of a, an investment in your behalf, but
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  there's also a payment plan, but it's 90 days, unlimited access
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  to me day and night videos, WhatsApp calls, you know, we, we
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  hop on video calls daily if that's what you want, you know,
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  video calls twice a day if you want.
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  But it's really good. And it's just, it's changing the
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  lives of so many autistic adults.
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  And that's, I really found that's where I wanted to go.
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  But that's the thing, right? That's what I wanted.
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  And so I am determined that we together can build autistic
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  adults future without fear and without fear of like a day, fear
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  of validation and lack of insight and and vision.
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  I think we can do this and together we're going to we're
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  going to do some amazing things. All right, guys, Peace.