Latest / I Do, Part 2 / We Can Share a Bed, But Not a Travel Itinerary

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We Can Share a Bed, But Not a Travel Itinerary · I Do, Part 2

0:02
Speaker 1: It is Saturday, May thirtieth. We are getting into the
0:07
Speaker 1: summer vacation season. And what are you gonna say when
0:11
Speaker 1: your sweetheart sits you down? You start making vacation plans
0:14
Speaker 1: and your partner says, you know what, I'm gonna take
0:17
Speaker 1: a solo vacation this summer.
0:20
Speaker 2: Record scratch.
0:22
Speaker 1: What's your reaction gonna be? And with that, welcome to
0:24
Speaker 1: this episode of Amy and TJ. That would be your
0:27
Speaker 1: reaction to this growing trend. I sit you down and
0:30
Speaker 1: we talk about some of vacation plans and I say, hey, baby,
0:33
Speaker 1: I'm going to take a solo trip to Portugal.
0:39
Speaker 2: I immediately feel rejected. I'm not gonna lie. Is that what?
0:43
Speaker 1: Automatically?
0:43
Speaker 2: I immediately would feel rejected.
0:45
Speaker 1: So I would need to name a place that maybe
0:46
Speaker 1: you don't necessarily want to go. You'd feel better about that.
0:49
Speaker 2: I think if you said, hey, I'm going on a
0:51
Speaker 2: golfing trip with my buddies, I get that. Or if
0:55
Speaker 2: you said I want to take my mom somewhere, my
0:58
Speaker 2: father somewhere, or yeah, there's some meaningful moment you'd like
1:03
Speaker 2: to have with I get another person that when you
1:07
Speaker 2: bring your spouse or your fiance or your girlfriend with
1:10
Speaker 2: you changes things.
1:11
Speaker 1: Not what we're talking about fully understanding. Nope, Nope, nope, nope, nope.
1:14
Speaker 1: I am saying me as an individual, I would like
1:18
Speaker 1: to go take a full on vacation by myself. You
1:23
Speaker 1: know what, Rome sounds good. I think it's a little warm,
1:27
Speaker 1: But you know what, I would go explore that city
1:30
Speaker 1: on my own. You okay with that, baby.
1:33
Speaker 2: Look, I would have to be I mean, I think
1:35
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, it wouldn't It wouldn't be. Yes,
1:39
Speaker 2: I'm just being fully honest. It would initially make me
1:42
Speaker 2: feel rejected or that you needed to get away from me,
1:46
Speaker 2: or that you wanted to do something that And you
1:49
Speaker 2: just named places that we will at least Rome. We've
1:52
Speaker 2: traveled and had beautiful memories together, but you just describe
1:56
Speaker 2: romantic places romantic But that would feel concerning to me. Yes,
2:01
Speaker 2: it would need context and I would need to understand.
2:04
Speaker 2: And I'm not saying that I wouldn't that I would
2:07
Speaker 2: like I would never Obviously, we're individuals, and I think
2:10
Speaker 2: we've learned enough in different relationships. You have to let
2:13
Speaker 2: people be who they are. Controlling someone trying to change,
2:16
Speaker 2: someone trying to force something. It never works, and it
2:20
Speaker 2: speaks to maybe another underlying issue. I would just want
2:23
Speaker 2: to get curious and understand why, and that would be
2:26
Speaker 2: my reaction. How about you, So what would you say?
2:29
Speaker 1: I will give you my response, but I have to
2:31
Speaker 1: put this in there because it goes perfectly into and
2:33
Speaker 1: I didn't know you were going to do this, but
2:34
Speaker 1: it goes into something I was going to hit on later.
2:36
Speaker 1: A quote actually that's from this article that spawned this
2:39
Speaker 1: whole conversation for us. And the quote was this from
2:42
Speaker 1: a therapist about traveling solo. If you're in a relationship,
2:45
Speaker 1: it's not good or bad. It just amplifies whatever is
2:49
Speaker 1: already happening in your relationship. Yes, that makes sense. Okay,
2:53
Speaker 1: Now I will get my answer to you. I And again,
2:57
Speaker 1: we have to be clear what we're talking about. If
2:58
Speaker 1: you come to me and set my mom and I
3:00
Speaker 1: are going to go to the lake spend a three
3:02
Speaker 1: day weekend, that's different. If I say to you, even
3:05
Speaker 1: if I'm going with the boys to Vegas, that's not
3:08
Speaker 1: what we're talking about. We're not talking about that kind
3:10
Speaker 1: of stuff. A girl trip, a boy trip, connecting with
3:14
Speaker 1: a father son, fishing trip. No, no, no, Because we've done that.
3:17
Speaker 2: You've gone somewhere with Sabina. I've gone somewhere with my dog.
3:19
Speaker 1: That's happened. We are talking about people in committed relationships
3:22
Speaker 1: who are making a conscious decision to go take a
3:26
Speaker 1: full on vacation without their partner. And this came to us,
3:31
Speaker 1: Robes became to us. You brought this to my attention
3:33
Speaker 1: because of an article you read. You've been excited about
3:35
Speaker 1: this for the last couple of days. But the article
3:37
Speaker 1: New York Times give them credit. I love you, but
3:39
Speaker 1: I don't want to travel with you is the name
3:42
Speaker 1: of the article, and it gets into robes what is
3:45
Speaker 1: a growing trend? And even they put it as a
3:48
Speaker 1: booming business of people wanting to travel on their own
3:53
Speaker 1: who are in committed relationships. So on its surface, does
3:58
Speaker 1: that make sense.
3:59
Speaker 2: It doesn't to me, only because I will experience though
4:03
Speaker 2: my experience. Look, I will say in other relationships, wanting
4:07
Speaker 2: to travel solo was me going on business trips and
4:09
Speaker 2: I got a lot of it and I liked it.
4:12
Speaker 2: So I understand that. But I do think in at
4:15
Speaker 2: least I can only speak to my relationship with you,
4:17
Speaker 2: the two of us, we are best friends. When I
4:21
Speaker 2: experience something beautiful and some people might call this codependency,
4:25
Speaker 2: but I want to share it with you. You're my
4:28
Speaker 2: favorite person to do anything and everything with. And yes,
4:32
Speaker 2: while I'm capable of being on my own, I would
4:34
Speaker 2: never prefer it or ask for time apart from you
4:37
Speaker 2: to do it. And I'm not I'm not shading anyone
4:41
Speaker 2: or throwing shade on anyone who prefers that for me.
4:44
Speaker 2: It wouldn't be something I would want to do. I
4:45
Speaker 2: know time is limited. I know time off of work
4:49
Speaker 2: is also extremely limited, and when I do have downtime,
4:53
Speaker 2: I would prefer to be with you. If I didn't
4:55
Speaker 2: prefer to be with you, that's okay too, But maybe
4:58
Speaker 2: it's a different kind of relationship. Everyone has different relationships.
5:01
Speaker 2: I've had different relationships in and within marriages that I
5:05
Speaker 2: have with you.
5:06
Speaker 1: Okay, so this is not my jam, this wouldn't be
5:11
Speaker 1: my thing. I wouldn't travel so low, and I would
5:14
Speaker 1: have a very difficult time understanding even though we are
5:18
Speaker 1: together so much, downtime is limited, vacation time becomes even
5:23
Speaker 1: more limited. Even vacation time ends up being work time.
5:27
Speaker 1: So if we have if there is a moment to
5:29
Speaker 1: completely breathe and be free and enjoy one of the
5:33
Speaker 1: most beautiful places on earth. That's not something I'm ever
5:36
Speaker 1: going to think, Wow, I really want to go on
5:38
Speaker 1: my own, or even want to go without her to
5:41
Speaker 1: experience this. Now we'll get into some of the reasons
5:44
Speaker 1: and the logic, and maybe this will make a whole
5:46
Speaker 1: lot of sense to a lot of people. But one
5:48
Speaker 1: argument being made robes that you're actually helping your relationship
5:53
Speaker 1: by improving yourself as an individual, suggesting that you go out,
5:58
Speaker 1: you meet new people, you learn new thing things, you
6:00
Speaker 1: get rejuvenated, and maybe you even miss your partner a
6:05
Speaker 1: little bit, and then you come back in a better place,
6:08
Speaker 1: in a better position to be a better partner. Does
6:11
Speaker 1: that read?
6:12
Speaker 2: It? Absolutely does. But it's interesting because I have had
6:14
Speaker 2: the opposite experience. Again, I have gone through my travels
6:18
Speaker 2: with NBC and ABC to some of the most beautiful
6:21
Speaker 2: exotic I remember being in the Seychelles for three weeks
6:25
Speaker 2: in this gorgeous, gorgeous home and thinking when I came.
6:27
Speaker 1: Back, maybe you're working. That's a different thing. Fine, we're
6:30
Speaker 1: not talking about this.
6:30
Speaker 2: I had a lot of downtime and a lot of
6:32
Speaker 2: alone time.
6:32
Speaker 1: We're not talking about that. You did not choose to
6:35
Speaker 1: go take a solo vacation when you're looking at your partner.
6:39
Speaker 1: I understand that's what we're talking about.
6:40
Speaker 2: I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is I came
6:42
Speaker 2: back from that not missing my partner, and it actually
6:45
Speaker 2: woke me up. So my point is that would be
6:49
Speaker 2: when you go and you do these things, that's awesome.
6:51
Speaker 2: If you miss your partner and you're rejuvenated and you
6:54
Speaker 2: are working on yourself, I think that's beautiful. But I
6:56
Speaker 2: guess I would just worry that what if you realized
6:59
Speaker 2: you didn't it's your partner.
7:01
Speaker 1: See. But that's again, it's different there because you left
7:04
Speaker 1: already wanting a break from a partner. That is a
7:07
Speaker 1: different situation we're talking about. We're talking about a person
7:10
Speaker 1: who is in a relationship that is not failing or
7:12
Speaker 1: faltering some way. We're not suggesting that, OK, you're in
7:15
Speaker 1: a strong and a good relationship, satiated in your relationship,
7:18
Speaker 1: whatever words you want to use, you're fine. But you're
7:22
Speaker 1: choosing to take time away from this person when you
7:25
Speaker 1: have leisure time and it's very limited time. So when
7:30
Speaker 1: you do go out they suggest and you do this,
7:33
Speaker 1: you are feeling like you're dating again or missing somebody again,
7:37
Speaker 1: or you're picking up experiences even robes that you're excited
7:40
Speaker 1: to go tell your partner about. That.
7:43
Speaker 2: Is your partner going to be excited to hear about
7:44
Speaker 2: how much fun you had without that?
7:46
Speaker 1: Okay? Clearly I am not taking a solo vacation. Okay.
7:49
Speaker 1: So these are some of the questions, and you're starting
7:52
Speaker 1: to bring them up, But you ask that question first
7:55
Speaker 1: and foremost, robes why yes, why do you want to
7:59
Speaker 1: try without me? The answer to that, I'm not sure.
8:04
Speaker 1: There are some answers, but what what would you buy
8:08
Speaker 1: what works?
8:09
Speaker 2: If you told me? Look, I am having I want
8:13
Speaker 2: to find my own personal joy and I want to
8:17
Speaker 2: rediscover who I am and what I love on my
8:20
Speaker 2: own without a relationship. I just really need some time
8:23
Speaker 2: alone to work on myself. Yeah, how could you say
8:27
Speaker 2: no to that?
8:28
Speaker 1: Of course, that ain't what we're talking about. Actually, we're
8:30
Speaker 1: simply talking We're not talking about a journey of self discovery. Baby.
8:34
Speaker 1: We are talking about a normal, everyday relationship going along
8:38
Speaker 1: just fine. I voluntarily want to go spend time enjoying
8:43
Speaker 1: myself fishing, snorkeling, scuba diving, boating, beaching whatever.
8:48
Speaker 2: If it's an activity that I don't love and that.
8:50
Speaker 1: You do not, you keep giving me caveats that ain't
8:54
Speaker 1: there period. I just want to go enjoy a beach vacation.
9:01
Speaker 1: I just want to go.
9:02
Speaker 2: I would feel rejected seeing Lisbon on my ear. I
9:04
Speaker 2: would feel rejected. Would you feel rejected if I said, Hey, babe,
9:08
Speaker 2: i want to go to Paris all by myself. I'm
9:11
Speaker 2: going to spend a week and just enjoy the city
9:14
Speaker 2: with me, myself and I okay.
9:16
Speaker 1: I would start with questions, right, not gonna get upset initially,
9:20
Speaker 1: but for our relationship that would sound that would be
9:23
Speaker 1: alarm bellance, right.
9:26
Speaker 2: Exactly?
9:26
Speaker 1: The question how long have you been thinking about this?
9:30
Speaker 1: Why would you want to do this? Are there other
9:33
Speaker 1: people you're going to meet up with you when you're there?
9:35
Speaker 1: There's a safety concern. Are you going to be doing
9:38
Speaker 1: group things? Babe? We've always taken vacations together. Why now
9:42
Speaker 1: are you trying to do this? What is it you
9:44
Speaker 1: have been met? I would have question after question after
9:46
Speaker 1: question about why you want to do that because this
9:48
Speaker 1: flies in the face of our relationship. Correct obviously, Now
9:51
Speaker 1: for other relationships, maybe this is just the way they've ruled.
9:55
Speaker 2: And that's my point. I think depending on the relationship
9:59
Speaker 2: you're in, it could have a whole different set of
10:04
Speaker 2: meanings and a whole different level of understanding our relationship.
10:09
Speaker 2: This would make zero sense. Yeah, okay, yeah, I guess,
10:13
Speaker 2: and so I'm looking at it from that perspective. But
10:15
Speaker 2: having had other relationships, I can understand how that would
10:19
Speaker 2: have actually been not even a big deal. But you
10:22
Speaker 2: and I are so deeply connected on a friendship and
10:25
Speaker 2: romantic level. We're so and we've waited so long to
10:29
Speaker 2: be together, We're so excited to be with one another.
10:32
Speaker 2: I can't come up with a scenario where that makes
10:34
Speaker 2: a whole lot of sense for me. Because I love you.
10:37
Speaker 2: I would support you, but I would be worried.
10:39
Speaker 1: Okay, so let me Dad didn't ask directly. Have you
10:42
Speaker 1: ever done this? Have you ever taken a solo trip?
10:45
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about me and a couple girls go somewhere,
10:47
Speaker 1: You pack up with your passport and take off to
10:51
Speaker 1: take a leisure vacation all on your own.
10:55
Speaker 2: No, when I was not in a relationship, when I
10:57
Speaker 2: was ending one, I have spent a couple nights, have
11:00
Speaker 2: gone up to a cabin by myself for two nights.
11:02
Speaker 1: But that was it. Now you're not one to go, frankly,
11:06
Speaker 1: to go eat dinner by yourself, do have a drink
11:08
Speaker 1: by yourself, to go to a movie by yourself, do
11:09
Speaker 1: anything by yourself. To be honest, I like not you.
11:11
Speaker 2: You know what I like. I like doing certain things
11:14
Speaker 2: self care, shopping, I'm fine. But when it comes to
11:17
Speaker 2: enjoying an experience a meal, a movie, a sight seeing,
11:22
Speaker 2: I do prefer sharing it with someone. Absolutely, I'd rather
11:26
Speaker 2: be with someone than by myself.
11:28
Speaker 1: And this is something I don't we don't necessarily fully comprehend,
11:33
Speaker 1: and I guess we're not on the same page a
11:35
Speaker 1: lot of times with it. I am not wanting to
11:37
Speaker 1: be alone because of some journey of self discovery, I
11:40
Speaker 1: need to reflect or anything else. I just like to
11:41
Speaker 1: be left alone.
11:42
Speaker 2: Sometimes people annoy you.
11:43
Speaker 1: So yeah, I will sit and I want to have
11:46
Speaker 1: a meal. I will sit and eat dinner by myself,
11:48
Speaker 1: new problem, at a bar, at a whatever.
11:52
Speaker 2: And that makes me sad.
11:53
Speaker 1: Love it to do that or to hear that. I
11:55
Speaker 1: don't know.
11:56
Speaker 2: No, I think it's awesome that you love to do it.
11:58
Speaker 2: It makes me sad. I'll I'll probably start talking to
12:00
Speaker 2: the bartender, I'll probably start. Yeah. I just I like
12:03
Speaker 2: engaging with people. I do and know if i'm I
12:06
Speaker 2: believe believe me. I've been on plenty again work trips,
12:08
Speaker 2: roll I'll even have brought up I brought a book
12:11
Speaker 2: to a restaurant and I've sat at the bar and
12:14
Speaker 2: read a book and absolutely done that at the airport,
12:18
Speaker 2: and I'm fine, but I prefer to be with someone
12:21
Speaker 2: who I could have a good conversation.
12:23
Speaker 1: And look, people are different, and that's that's okay. Some
12:25
Speaker 1: people prefer and have no problems traveling alone. But Robes,
12:29
Speaker 1: one of this articles certainly quoted. It's one of the
12:31
Speaker 1: biggest things, and I think you might have said it
12:33
Speaker 1: in the first ninety seconds of this podcast, Rejection, Rejection, Rejection.
12:38
Speaker 1: You have to ask why is it you want to
12:41
Speaker 1: do this wonderful thing without me? I don't know. That's
12:45
Speaker 1: a tough one to answer. And look, if you and
12:47
Speaker 1: your partner have a certain type of relationship, maybe that
12:50
Speaker 1: could be fine. But Robes, how I name the cities Paris, London, Rome, Niece,
12:57
Speaker 1: Cape Town, Cosablanca. I mean, hell, you can even say
13:00
Speaker 1: New Orleans, Las Vegas, Los.
13:01
Speaker 2: Angeles, I'd want to be with you in all those cities.
13:04
Speaker 1: I mean keep naming them. Why would you want to
13:07
Speaker 1: go have this wonderful experience and not want me by
13:10
Speaker 1: your side. That's a tough one to answer.
13:12
Speaker 2: And I understand when you're not in a relationship that
13:15
Speaker 2: it's an awesome opportunity for you to go out and
13:17
Speaker 2: meet new people and experience new things and really grow
13:20
Speaker 2: your own sense and feeling of independence. I think that's awesome.
13:24
Speaker 2: But if you're in a committed, beautiful relationship, I don't
13:26
Speaker 2: understand why you wouldn't prefer to have that person with you.
13:31
Speaker 1: The other part of this robes, which can be difficult
13:33
Speaker 1: with the rejection part, is look, most couples, we are blessed.
13:38
Speaker 1: Somebody would say we're cursed, but we're blessed to spend
13:40
Speaker 1: as much time as we do together. I appreciate that
13:43
Speaker 1: we do have that rose most couples don't. Sometimes a
13:46
Speaker 1: lot of couples don't even live in the same house.
13:48
Speaker 1: A lot of couples right younger they are a year
13:51
Speaker 1: in two years in a.
13:52
Speaker 2: Lot of people don't share bedrooms, bathrooms at things.
13:55
Speaker 1: Yeah, even if they do. Robes, you go to work,
14:00
Speaker 1: I go to work. We're apart eight hours a day.
14:02
Speaker 1: I see you at night. We finally get time for
14:06
Speaker 1: a vacation this summer, and you're going to use seven
14:09
Speaker 1: of your days to go be by yourself again. People
14:13
Speaker 1: make the point that this is good to always harness
14:17
Speaker 1: your individuality, to always make sure you're separate, to always
14:21
Speaker 1: make sure you are your own person. I think that
14:25
Speaker 1: is fine, and okay, I don't necessarily subscribe to that mentality,
14:31
Speaker 1: and you know I don't. There are this is a
14:33
Speaker 1: partnership now, and there's some parts of that thing you
14:36
Speaker 1: do give up. And the idea now is if you
14:39
Speaker 1: lose any part of yourself, then now you're losing all
14:41
Speaker 1: of yourself and you shouldn't compromise in any way.
14:44
Speaker 2: It sounds like the younger generation.
14:46
Speaker 1: I am not of that thinking. But this is a
14:48
Speaker 1: growing trend, a newer trend, and it's happening. You brought
14:51
Speaker 1: to my attention. When you first brought to my attention,
14:53
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's silly. I don't want to do that
14:55
Speaker 1: story because I'm like, who does that? A lot of
14:58
Speaker 1: people I didn't know. But how about this line robes?
15:02
Speaker 1: They said in this article, there is a fine line
15:04
Speaker 1: between healthy independence and avoidance. So I know that this
15:09
Speaker 1: is where red flags start to come up. You do
15:12
Speaker 1: have to ask yourself. You have to ask your partner
15:14
Speaker 1: if this comes up, Robes, why really are you wanting
15:17
Speaker 1: to do this?
15:18
Speaker 2: That would be my first question.
15:20
Speaker 1: And I think that the way they put it with
15:22
Speaker 1: healthy independence avoidance, where is that fine line?
15:29
Speaker 2: It's a question most people avoid asking.
15:33
Speaker 1: So there are some things that you need to address
15:36
Speaker 1: in one very major thing that needs to be addressed
15:42
Speaker 1: if you are considering this. Obviously Robes and I are not.
15:47
Speaker 1: But if you are considering this, there is one thing
15:49
Speaker 1: in particular that some of you may have already been
15:52
Speaker 1: thinking of that could be an issue. If you're trying
15:55
Speaker 1: to vacation solo. Stay here, right, we continue here on
16:07
Speaker 1: Amy and TJ making our travel plans, will certainly be
16:10
Speaker 1: making them together.
16:12
Speaker 2: You were actually just doing that yesterday. We were trying
16:15
Speaker 2: to figure out where we're going. We kind of have
16:17
Speaker 2: it all worked out. But yes, never have I sat
16:20
Speaker 2: down and thought where would I like to go? Me
16:22
Speaker 2: myself and I and how do I bring this up
16:24
Speaker 2: to DJ?
16:26
Speaker 1: I don't you know what I got? Not even a trip.
16:29
Speaker 1: I'm just going out with the Boys on Sunday tomorrow,
16:33
Speaker 1: and even I was tiptoeing around. Now I'm like, oh shit,
16:35
Speaker 1: she's not gonna like this. Oh no, I'm saying, it's
16:38
Speaker 1: just so rare that we do things apart.
16:42
Speaker 2: That is true.
16:42
Speaker 1: It is like one hundred percent apart.
16:45
Speaker 2: I actually feel maybe it's just my own but I
16:48
Speaker 2: feel like maybe part of me thinks, am I being
16:50
Speaker 2: silently judged by friends and family who think, Wow, they
16:53
Speaker 2: are never apart?
16:55
Speaker 1: What is the judgment there? I think I judgment versus
17:00
Speaker 1: is an inability to relate right. People see you from
17:03
Speaker 1: a distance and they think they know what your relationship
17:07
Speaker 1: it is or should be, and if they see something
17:10
Speaker 1: that's out of whack with what they think a relationship
17:12
Speaker 1: should be, then they think it's bullshit or it's not
17:14
Speaker 1: right or it's wrong. Yes, folks, we are together, Dan
17:17
Speaker 1: near twenty four to seven, happy as hell. I wish
17:20
Speaker 1: it was twenty five to eight. That's ridiculous, but it
17:23
Speaker 1: is the truth. And when people see that, that doesn't
17:26
Speaker 1: make sense and they don't say, there's no way I
17:29
Speaker 1: could spend that much time with my partner. There's no
17:31
Speaker 1: way they're happy or enjoy So yes.
17:34
Speaker 2: It wouldn't have made sense to me. I will be honest,
17:37
Speaker 2: it would not have made sense to me. Ever, until
17:39
Speaker 2: my relationship with you, I have never been I've never
17:44
Speaker 2: felt that way before. So yes, I can understand from
17:47
Speaker 2: the outside looking in whether you see people who don't
17:50
Speaker 2: spend much time at all. And it works because people
17:53
Speaker 2: will happily and proudly say we have separate places. We
17:57
Speaker 2: have and that's the key to our success or the
17:59
Speaker 2: key to our success is that my partner travels fifty
18:01
Speaker 2: percent of the time, or we have separate bedrooms or whatever,
18:04
Speaker 2: and that's great for you and for us.
18:07
Speaker 1: It is okay.
18:08
Speaker 2: Basically living our lives together. Pretty much aside from bathroom time,
18:14
Speaker 2: we are together.
18:17
Speaker 1: That is really true. Even sometimes when you go you
18:20
Speaker 1: go get your nails done, the salala is right up
18:23
Speaker 1: the street. You swing by the last couple of times, Yeah,
18:27
Speaker 1: Sabina and I dip in there. Yeah, what's going on?
18:30
Speaker 1: Seven times we walk past the window and the ladies
18:32
Speaker 1: that work in there are waving us.
18:34
Speaker 2: Down like hey, come on and in and say hi,
18:38
Speaker 2: I know, I know, I know, I know.
18:39
Speaker 1: It's what we are and that's fine. I'm trying to it.
18:43
Speaker 1: There should be no judgment for somebody else's decision to
18:46
Speaker 1: do this, and there should be no judgment of what
18:48
Speaker 1: their relationship is because correct they decide to do this,
18:52
Speaker 1: this can work perfectly for We're blown away to hear
18:54
Speaker 1: people have homes on two different coasts and they're in
18:57
Speaker 1: loving marriages.
18:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's great because look, some people, and I
19:00
Speaker 2: get it, some people, a lot of it is how
19:03
Speaker 2: you came up and what you've done to feel good
19:06
Speaker 2: and happy, and how you cope and how you handle stress.
19:09
Speaker 2: And a lot of people prefer to do it on
19:11
Speaker 2: their own and then come together and that I don't
19:14
Speaker 2: judge that either, because if it works for you, it's amazing.
19:17
Speaker 2: I find it fascinating. I've never ever gone to someone
19:22
Speaker 2: I was in a relationship with and said I'd like
19:24
Speaker 2: to travel on my own. I've just never done that,
19:27
Speaker 2: But I think it's cool if that's something you want
19:29
Speaker 2: to do and you have a relationship where that is
19:32
Speaker 2: a healthy exercise.
19:35
Speaker 1: I haven't done that, right, have I taken a I'm
19:37
Speaker 1: trying to think of the trips we've taken without each other,
19:39
Speaker 1: and obviously you and the girls. It's with vacation stuff.
19:42
Speaker 1: Sabine and I I'm trying to think Ozara even.
19:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, I had a couple of girls trips like with me.
19:50
Speaker 2: Well no, well, the only one I did was to
19:52
Speaker 2: go visit Ava and Berlin, and I had Nikki and
19:55
Speaker 2: Morgan with me and so we kind of turned it
19:57
Speaker 2: into it. But I was still going to visit my daughter.
19:59
Speaker 1: But if hell, even though going to see at least
20:02
Speaker 1: in Spain, I was on that trip as well. But
20:05
Speaker 1: even we've had individual like events and whatnot that the
20:09
Speaker 1: other person wasn't required to be at and we were
20:11
Speaker 1: still rolling together. Absolutely feature made in Atlanta the thing
20:14
Speaker 1: did to Miami. With all this stuff, we still are together.
20:19
Speaker 2: Because we support each other and we have the ability
20:21
Speaker 2: to because we work together.
20:23
Speaker 1: Okay, so here's the other thing, Ropes. This is the
20:25
Speaker 1: question they went to that you have to have to
20:27
Speaker 1: ask of yourself, really, if you are going to or
20:31
Speaker 1: you're considering traveling alone. Ropes, that's a pretty good one.
20:34
Speaker 1: What is it that traveling solo is going to bring me?
20:37
Speaker 2: Mm?
20:38
Speaker 1: Like, why do I why is it this important? And again,
20:41
Speaker 1: your partner might be perfectly fine, or at least tell
20:43
Speaker 1: you they're perfectly fine, but ah, what is it? What
20:48
Speaker 1: is it that this is going to bring me that
20:51
Speaker 1: it's so important for me to travel on my own
20:53
Speaker 1: even though I'm in a relationship.
20:54
Speaker 2: Is it okay in a relationship to say I just
20:56
Speaker 2: need a break from that person. I need some time
20:58
Speaker 2: away from that person. Is that a healthy way? I
21:02
Speaker 2: don't know if that's a healthy reaction.
21:04
Speaker 1: But do you need a passport to need time away?
21:07
Speaker 1: That's more just going to stay with the family for
21:10
Speaker 1: the parents for the weekend kind of a thing.
21:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I'm also thinking like, do you come back
21:13
Speaker 2: and tell your partner how much fun you had without them?
21:16
Speaker 2: That feels me, But if you're.
21:18
Speaker 1: In a good relationship, the partner should receive it and
21:21
Speaker 1: be excited and go, wow, tell me about your trip, right.
21:24
Speaker 2: I think that takes a very open hearted and super
21:29
Speaker 2: secure person to be able to handle that, because I'm
21:31
Speaker 2: just imagining you going I'm just gonna throw out you
21:35
Speaker 2: mentioned Portugal and you're showing me all these beautiful places
21:38
Speaker 2: you've been, and I would be like, I'm sorry, I'm
21:41
Speaker 2: a human being. That would bother me.
21:45
Speaker 1: I'm just being honest as a human being.
21:47
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I would suck it up, but it would
21:49
Speaker 2: bother me.
21:50
Speaker 1: It's one thing to be happy for your partner having
21:52
Speaker 1: a good time. If they're on a a work retreat,
21:57
Speaker 1: if they're on a work trip, they are doing a
22:02
Speaker 1: father son Yeah, that's easy, that's like, wow, they're having
22:06
Speaker 1: a good time and right, But when you were choosing
22:10
Speaker 1: to have to be on the Big Island in Hawaii
22:14
Speaker 1: by yourself, don't send me a freaking picture.
22:17
Speaker 2: Yeah. And the only time I could think of where
22:19
Speaker 2: I would say, hey, babe, I would like to do
22:21
Speaker 2: this on my own, would only because you said I
22:23
Speaker 2: don't want to go, And that would be hiking, and
22:25
Speaker 2: I would still bring a girlfriend. I wouldn't I would
22:28
Speaker 2: not hike alone, but that I would still ask you first.
22:31
Speaker 1: I would I still enjoy the flight. I don't have
22:33
Speaker 1: to hike.
22:35
Speaker 2: I could go do like an excursion on my own.
22:38
Speaker 1: Most of our fun happens between the uber ride to
22:44
Speaker 1: the airport, going through security. We enjoyed doing all this stuff.
22:51
Speaker 1: The process of traveling is an experience with you. I
22:54
Speaker 1: would never want to do that on my own. I
22:55
Speaker 1: don't want to talk to anybody. I don't want to
22:57
Speaker 1: meet new people my seat mate, Are you kidding me? Stop?
23:02
Speaker 1: I got somebody at home I could talk to and
23:04
Speaker 1: I'm traveling soul and I got to talk to this idiot, No,
23:07
Speaker 1: who wants to do that? And I'm obviously just kind
23:11
Speaker 1: of joking, but roll, this is a So what is it?
23:14
Speaker 1: Traveling solo is going to bring you? What robes?
23:17
Speaker 2: I guess the only thing I could think of if
23:19
Speaker 2: I went on my own, for me, it would be
23:22
Speaker 2: about a self improvement, maybe just showing or proving to
23:27
Speaker 2: myself that I can enjoy things without anyone else, that
23:30
Speaker 2: I can just enjoy things by myself. But it would
23:33
Speaker 2: be an exercise of self discovery. It wouldn't be just
23:37
Speaker 2: something I would want to do on my own. I
23:39
Speaker 2: would actually it would be a very deliberate decision, and
23:44
Speaker 2: I and I would struggle with it.
23:47
Speaker 1: I'm sitting over here trying to think of what places
23:50
Speaker 1: I could possibly want to go, and you would go, hh,
23:53
Speaker 1: that's cool. I don't want to go there because all
23:55
Speaker 1: the places I want to go, you would go, Hell, yeah,
23:58
Speaker 1: I want to go there. I mean I can't. I'm
24:00
Speaker 1: actually sitting here. I've been trying to think of one
24:01
Speaker 1: this entire time. Some trip I want to take, that's Miami,
24:05
Speaker 1: New Orleans. If I want to go to Atlanta. I
24:06
Speaker 1: want to go to Memphis. I want to go to
24:07
Speaker 1: Little Rock. If I want to go to Las Vegas,
24:09
Speaker 1: if I want to go to Phoenix, I want to
24:10
Speaker 1: go to La San Francisco. If I want to go
24:12
Speaker 1: Ropes to Cape Town, by all the places. I can't
24:16
Speaker 1: come up with something that's such an individualized experience or
24:20
Speaker 1: desire that you would go, okay, like yourself out. I
24:24
Speaker 1: can't think of one.
24:25
Speaker 2: Is there something no, I was actually trying to imagine,
24:27
Speaker 2: because I look, I think you and I both got
24:30
Speaker 2: into the business. We did journalism to see the world,
24:32
Speaker 2: to experience new things and new people and new So
24:36
Speaker 2: there's nothing that I would say I don't want to
24:38
Speaker 2: do that. I'm I think I'm someone who's always game
24:41
Speaker 2: to go anywhere. And so yes, that's why maybe it
24:43
Speaker 2: would feel a bit of a rejection because obviously I'm
24:46
Speaker 2: a yes, okay.
24:48
Speaker 1: Obviously yes, last thing here, and Roseman, maybe this was
24:51
Speaker 1: on some people's minds as we were having this conversation.
24:54
Speaker 1: But if there's is, or has been any question of
24:59
Speaker 1: trust relationship in fidelity, it's going to call us problems absolutely.
25:04
Speaker 2: And so the suggestion is from the experts who are
25:07
Speaker 2: trying to just kind of say, here's a safe and
25:09
Speaker 2: healthy way to travel on your own. Turn your location
25:12
Speaker 2: services on, let your other partner know where you are,
25:16
Speaker 2: and be available and understand that there are feelings of
25:20
Speaker 2: distrust that have that have real legs to them, that
25:24
Speaker 2: there's a reason why, and you have to be understanding
25:26
Speaker 2: and accommodate those feelings that are real.
25:30
Speaker 1: This was fascinating. I did not know this was a thing,
25:34
Speaker 1: and I think, would it be fair to say, rope
25:37
Speaker 1: this is more of a thing for women.
25:39
Speaker 2: Well, I think there are a lot of movies out
25:40
Speaker 2: there romanticizing it. You know, Eat, Pray, Love is probably
25:43
Speaker 2: the most obvious example, and that was a real story
25:47
Speaker 2: about a woman who was on a journey of self discovery,
25:51
Speaker 2: and I think it sounds really romantic. I actually even
25:54
Speaker 2: had one of them, you know, Nikki. She she was
25:56
Speaker 2: not in a relationship, and she was I was busy
25:59
Speaker 2: and we were trying partners a lot, and she's like,
26:01
Speaker 2: you know what, she said, you helped encourage me. She
26:02
Speaker 2: went to Copenhagen on her own and had a great
26:04
Speaker 2: time and she met new people and it was a
26:07
Speaker 2: good experience for her. But I think now that she's
26:09
Speaker 2: in a loving relationship. I don't. I can't imagine she
26:12
Speaker 2: would ever choose that.
26:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, what you just named de pray love? Yes, I'm
26:17
Speaker 1: going to put you on the spot on purpose on
26:19
Speaker 1: this one. Can you start reeling off movies and shows
26:23
Speaker 1: in which that was the premise essentially some woman taking
26:25
Speaker 1: some trip or being some solo in some exotic place.
26:28
Speaker 1: It's not exactly the same, but already for me Emily
26:31
Speaker 1: in Paris to show, y'all, isn't it kind.
26:33
Speaker 2: Of something along that? Yeah? I mean she went there
26:35
Speaker 2: for work, but then, yeah, started discovering herself in a
26:37
Speaker 2: new city on her own. She left her fiance back
26:40
Speaker 2: home in Chicago. Yes, it's this idea of women and
26:43
Speaker 2: self empowerment and finding who you are and being independent
26:47
Speaker 2: and not needing a man. Yes, that is a very
26:49
Speaker 2: common theme in almost all movies these days.
26:53
Speaker 1: You don't need a man until you're in the wrong
26:54
Speaker 1: neighborhood in the wrong country. That's just yeah, fair, But
26:59
Speaker 1: that's not me. We don't, no way in hell. We
27:01
Speaker 1: let our the girls travel by themselves in certain places.
27:05
Speaker 2: You hear me, Ava Abe was going to Istanbul and
27:08
Speaker 2: I was like, look, it's a lovely city. But I
27:09
Speaker 2: don't want you there alone, and I actually prefer if
27:12
Speaker 2: you have a guy with you. She didn't, but it
27:14
Speaker 2: was two girls and they figured out. Also, backpacking through
27:17
Speaker 2: South America makes me nervous as hell. To have two girls,
27:19
Speaker 2: I would feel better if a guy was with them. Yes,
27:23
Speaker 2: just from a physical safety standpoint one hundred percent.
27:26
Speaker 1: Whoever that guy is doesn't have to be their boyfriend
27:28
Speaker 1: because you can travel solo now and that's okay, all right, folks,
27:33
Speaker 1: this is a fun one on a Saturday. So as
27:35
Speaker 1: you're making your vacation plans, I guess maybe you can
27:39
Speaker 1: make that suggestion to your partner as well. Yes, we
27:41
Speaker 1: could take a group trip, but you know what, I
27:44
Speaker 1: really been wanting to go to Lisbon on my own
27:47
Speaker 1: and dip down the Casa Blanca.
27:48
Speaker 2: Maybe let's see how that goes.
27:52
Speaker 1: Good luck with your vacation plans, folks. My Damy rodbock
27:54
Speaker 1: up DJ Hall to talk to y'allsod tur