Latest / He's Hot but Something's Off... / HHBSO 10: Emotional Rollercoaster

Transcript

HHBSO 10: Emotional Rollercoaster · He's Hot but Something's Off...

0:01
Hello. Welcome to He's hop.
0:02
And something's off of me. Just Joey T My neighbors have a
0:07
habit of playing the piano. They must have their piano
0:12
shoved up against her very big and very open window at like
0:18
9:00 PM at night. And they will play really loud
0:22
music on the piano. And I think they do this
0:26
probably every week. And to be honest, most weeks I
0:31
guess I don't hear it because I usually have the TV on in the
0:35
background, something on in the house that's making noise,
0:39
music, TV, whatever. And I don't hear it, but once in
0:42
a while. Maybe the TV show ends and I'm
0:45
like, on my computer, so it's just like silent.
0:47
Or I just don't have anything on, and their piano is so loud
0:53
that I'm surprised they haven't had a noise complaint yet.
0:56
Maybe I'm going to be the first person to put in a noise
0:59
complaint for that piano. Like, if you're going to play
1:02
loud music, can you just close your window like?
1:08
Yeah. So someone is playing like a
1:10
saxophone or something that I just heard, like, if you're
1:13
going to play a musical instrument, just close your
1:15
windows. Like, is that easy?
1:18
So I was going to record this a little bit earlier, but because
1:22
of the last saxophone, someone's playing somewhere around here.
1:26
It's one of the things I don't like about living in an
1:29
apartment. I don't have the I actually
1:34
think apartments are a good idea in cities because.
1:38
We hear all the time about how there's like a housing shortage
1:41
and rents going up and house prices are going up and people
1:45
can't find decent places to live.
1:48
It's because we need more housing, right?
1:50
And having higher density, having like condos and apartment
1:54
building and stuff like that, low rises or whatever is
1:57
actually good in area where there's a lot of just single
1:59
family homes, but me personally. Sometimes being in an apartment
2:05
really gets on your nerves. I had the next apartment next to
2:09
mine for the last seven months. They just wrapped up, but for
2:13
seven months they were doing construction.
2:16
It's like a two-bedroom, no bathroom, like Little Apt.
2:20
I don't know how it takes seven months to do construction on it,
2:24
to renovate it, to like, I don't know what they were doing, but.
2:30
There are many mornings where I woke up to the sound of like
2:34
hammers or drills or saws or whatever on the other side of
2:40
the wall where my headboard is in my bedroom.
2:42
So my apartment unit, most of the walls actually are outside
2:48
wall, so I've got windows, but there's the one wall in my
2:52
bedroom that actually shares a wall.
2:55
With an other unit, and that happens to be the bedroom that I
2:59
sleep in and my bed is like parked up against it.
3:03
So yeah, it was very, very annoying.
3:06
Luckily a few weeks ago, I think last month, they finally wrapped
3:09
up. I can look out my back balcony
3:13
and see that all their equipment junk is gone.
3:15
But that's just one example of like, sometimes it's very
3:19
annoying if you're the kind of person that just wants some
3:21
peace and quiet at like. 8:00 AM in the morning or like 9:00 PM
3:26
at night to like get that when you live in apartment.
3:31
So my dream that I'm trying so hard to achieve is to have a
3:35
single detach house, like just a regular house where you have
3:40
like space between you and your neighbors, you don't share any
3:44
walls. And the other thing, oh, that's
3:46
really bad about. Condos are HOA's because I don't
3:50
want someone telling me whether I can have a washer dryer in my
3:54
unit or not. And I can't have a washer and
3:56
dryer in my condo. It's of this stupid HOA wow
4:01
really came in hot today. Onto the podcast.
4:04
When I get into a move around ranting, I just like really just
4:09
foot to the four pedal to the middle and I just go.
4:14
But 01 more thing, there's this commercial that plays all the
4:17
time when I'm watching TV nowadays and it's like the
4:21
nature made vitamin commercial and it's like a person that
4:27
comes in like they're waking up or something in the morning and
4:30
you know the morning is all jewelry, their life is jewelry
4:32
is whatever and then it's like. Kind of sort of like slightly
4:37
depressing music. Then this person walks into the
4:40
kitchen, sees like the rest of their family, and then they
4:44
suddenly happen upon their nature made multivitamins and
4:48
they take this multivitamin and like, the colors are now vivid,
4:50
the sun is shining, the birds are chirping.
4:52
They're like a whole new person that is like.
4:56
False advertising. Like, I think they're gonna get
4:59
lawsuits for that because multivitamins don't have that
5:02
kind of effect. If you want that type of effect
5:04
when you take a pill that's called Molly, OK.
5:07
If you want a pill that makes you very, very happy and very
5:11
high energy to slum you out of your slump, it's yeah, that's
5:16
that's not a multivitamin for sure.
5:18
So. That commercial display.
5:21
That's why I remember that okay I'm gonna try to not rent for
5:25
the rest of this podcast. But I will say the last few
5:31
days, definitely. I've been on a bit of a motion
5:34
roller coaster. Yesterday, for example, I was
5:41
walking to the gym and I think maybe.
5:44
I took a little too much preworkout or the coffee was
5:47
like extra strong that I made that day, but walked in the gym
5:51
I just felt like a little weird. Sometimes if you take a little
5:54
too much caffeine or a little too much preworkout or too much
5:57
rip or something, you've kind of feel as if your heart's beating
6:01
like a little bit fast, faster than usual.
6:05
Not to the point where it's dangerous, but I had a little
6:08
bit of like that feeling and then when I got to the gym it
6:12
was very much like. Black felt very black.
6:16
I didn't want to do anything and usually when I get to the gym,
6:21
even if I'm feeling a little bit tired, you can just kind of push
6:23
through it nine times out of 10 for me anyways.
6:27
But I'm getting better at listening to my body.
6:30
So it was definitely like, OK, let me just like do like half
6:34
effort real. Like I'm not trying to go super
6:36
heavy. I'm not trying to do like the
6:38
most reps or whatever. Just to like get some movement
6:41
in. But I did really, seriously
6:43
think about part way before I even got to the gym.
6:46
I was like, I can just turn around and walk home so that for
6:49
me it's a flag that something is wrong, something is weird.
6:53
I needed to take it easy, but I just did like a little bit of
6:57
some exercises, went really light, nothing heavy, still
7:01
worked up like an hour and then I came back.
7:03
But yeah, yeah, that day it just felt super, super weird and.
7:09
Being on this career break has given me a lot more alone time
7:17
and I'm very independent person. I love my alone time, but almost
7:21
I think by now a little too much alone time and I also have some
7:27
issues with motivation and just kind of follow through on things
7:32
I have a lot of. Ideas for things that I think I
7:36
would like to do, whether for a career or for a job or just as a
7:42
hobby. And half the time I won't have
7:49
enough follow through to start that thing.
7:51
Even if I start that thing is very hard to have to follow
7:54
through to actually see that through and complete it.
7:58
I'm surprised I did YouTube for that long actually for like.
8:02
I don't know, is it 10 years now and I always have this idea that
8:05
I want to like write or blog or something about cars.
8:11
And I've given it a lot, lot of thought and I don't want to do
8:15
that because I just know I won't be able to follow through with
8:19
it. It's like a nice idea and
8:21
concept in my head, but to actually do it, it's just like
8:24
way too much work and I've got so many things where I've
8:27
started. And I haven't finished that.
8:29
I'm not really letting myself start up any more stuff.
8:32
But sometimes I just get into this feeling like, oh, well, you
8:42
don't have a job right now. So like, you're kind of sort of
8:45
bumming around a little bit. You're digging a little bit into
8:49
savings. You're trying to do these like
8:52
other things to kind of. Find something you enjoy doing
8:56
that also makes money, but like, you're not really putting enough
9:00
time and effort into it. And those things that may or may
9:04
not be true, right? You know who to say, whether you
9:09
know, like, how much time and effort you need to put into
9:11
something, right? There's no right or wrong answer
9:13
to that, I guess. Yeah.
9:15
So it it's weird because I feel guilty for maybe not trying as
9:20
hard as I should be in terms of like, you know.
9:23
Having steady income, finding like a proper job or working on
9:27
these side hustles or whatever that was to bring me some money
9:30
or like starting the business that I'm trying to start up, but
9:32
at the same time I'm just lazy enough to not really do anything
9:41
different to make the situation. Better.
9:43
This reminds me of when I used to be in school and like
9:48
dragging my feet on homework, which maybe is more relatable.
9:52
No one likes doing homework. You have to do it eventually.
9:56
But you know, for me, especially early on in my college days,
10:02
I'll kind of put off doing homework.
10:05
And then have this like guilt or this cloud hang over me that
10:09
like, the homework is not done and then I'll do it at the last
10:14
minute anyways. So the strategy for me for a lot
10:17
of these chores that I don't like to do very generally is I
10:20
always want to get chores. Out of the way and complete it
10:24
before I allow myself to like do something fun or enjoy myself.
10:28
So that way I don't have the guilt or that voice in my head
10:32
that's nagging me about something that needs to be done,
10:35
that's not fun that I have to get done.
10:37
That's very important, which ruins a little bit my fun time
10:44
until I get that thing done, if that makes any sense.
10:47
So yeah, this business that I'm trying to start up.
10:52
Today was a much better day for that.
10:55
You know, I've had this idea to start a business back in like I
11:00
think April is when I decided, OK.
11:04
Like do it, Let's seriously do it.
11:07
And then I got the company registered, came up with a name
11:11
for it, like got like the websites and domains and emails
11:14
and like all that basic stuff. Started doing some samples for
11:19
the product, which I'm not ready to tell all of you what this
11:22
business is because I don't know if this is going to be
11:26
successful. I think what maybe I need for
11:29
myself is to have a little bit more.
11:34
Faith and confidence that you know maybe this is not going to
11:38
be like the breakout company of the of the year or the month
11:43
even. But I just have to believe that
11:47
hey, if I'm going to start a business, I have to believe that
11:50
is going to be successful. I can't just have doubts or
11:55
assume from the get go before I've even started that it's not
11:58
going to be successful because it's just kind of like.
12:01
You're you've set up your mindset to fail.
12:03
So I think I'm getting a little bit better at, you know, just
12:10
pushing through the negativity, the negativity and the doubt
12:14
that I have in my head about something not being successful.
12:18
Because I feel like a lot of things that I've tried to like
12:21
get rolling or start. Myself have been things that are
12:26
like a little successful but like not super successful.
12:30
Like it's came out like OK, but in the end, I always think,
12:33
well, you started this thing it it went OK was it worth the
12:37
effort in the end? And that answer isn't always a
12:41
yes. So I guess I have a little bit
12:43
of that fear like, oh, starting a business, it's pretty serious
12:48
investment like, you know, like should you.
12:53
Whatever. It doesn't work out.
12:54
And I think maybe that's contributing to me not putting
12:57
as much effort into it as I should be to actually make it
13:00
successful. So these are these, these are my
13:04
therapy sessions, by the way. I saw a therapist last year.
13:08
I think I mentioned once before and we had sessions like every
13:11
month or like twice a month, and that's the only time that I had
13:14
a therapist. I feel like therapy probably
13:17
would be helpful for me right now, but again, I don't have a
13:21
lot of money coming in and therapy is very expensive.
13:24
So I think this podcast and also talking to my friends is as
13:28
close. I'm going to get to therapy for
13:30
a bit. But yeah, today was a good day.
13:34
So yesterday I felt just very like up and down and up and
13:37
down, more down and up, honestly, just about like.
13:41
Everything that's going on, and I think most people sometimes
13:44
have those days where just for whatever reason maybe can't put
13:48
your finger on why. But you just have a day where
13:50
like you're doubting yourself and it's just very hard to feel
13:55
optimistic. Yesterday was one of those days
13:57
for me, but today I was actually able to find bits and pieces of
14:03
the business and also like a side hustle where I was able to
14:08
just like. Seize on that little bit of what
14:13
you might call it. There's like a little bit of
14:16
like optimism in my head for like a split second or like I
14:19
just had like an interest in. Doing certain parts of of of
14:25
those two projects for like a moment and I seized on it and I
14:28
just took it around. So today I was actually fairly
14:31
productive and doing some work for the business and also for
14:36
one of my side hustles made like tangible, like did tangible
14:41
things that I was able to have something to show for it and I
14:45
felt a lot better today. But yeah, I think now I
14:49
appreciate. More and I'm starting to
14:53
understand more how people that run their own businesses, people
14:56
who are like properly selfemployed, how much drive and
15:00
determination and like self-confidence you actually
15:05
need. Because when you just show about
15:07
a job as an employee, you're kind of given what to do.
15:12
You're like in an office, you're in a store or a construction
15:15
site or whatever and like. You know what to do.
15:19
The things you have to do, you just kind of sort of do it
15:21
right. You know, you have like your
15:23
boss or manager or whoever you have your team that's also
15:26
there. So it's kind of like because
15:28
there's all these people around like expecting you to do things,
15:32
you do it, But when it's a business that you're trying to
15:35
start or you're selfemployed, you need to have definitely a
15:40
passion for that thing, I guess as a motivator.
15:42
But also they're always things that.
15:47
Are the unsexy or grueling parts of any kind of business.
15:50
Right. And it yeah.
15:53
I'm learning that it takes a lot of self motivation and
15:57
perseverance and just like stick to itiveness to like do that.
16:03
So yeah, I do have some timeline for when I want to like get this
16:09
business actually launched. I mean in my head I have a
16:12
pretty clear. Kind of vague timeline of like
16:15
how things are supposed to go, but I'm kind of diving into the
16:20
business a little bit blind because here's another thing to
16:25
know about me. I'm so painfully independent
16:29
that sometimes I really don't like asking for help.
16:33
Not even just asking for. Sometimes I don't like even
16:36
looking for help when it doesn't even involve asking so.
16:41
This is one of those things where I know I don't know
16:45
anything about starting a business, but somehow I feel
16:49
like I don't need slash 1 to talk to other people to get
16:56
their advice, and I somehow feel like you know what?
17:00
I'm going to figure it out myself as I go along.
17:03
I'll use the resources. That are available to me like
17:07
online, the Internet basically to like free things out as I go
17:10
along and like I'll be able to like do it myself.
17:14
So that's definitely like the very independent part of me
17:18
that's giving, that's putting me on that path.
17:22
Whereas I think objectively I know.
17:25
Starting a business is probably not easy and having help or just
17:29
talking to other people that have done it should be very,
17:31
very helpful. But I'm going to that's that's
17:36
what a future Joey to worry about.
17:38
But right now I'm happy enough with the progress of starting
17:45
the business and I go back and forth on whether I want to go
17:49
back to the 9:00 to 5:00, go back to the IT career or not, I
17:53
feel like. I can kind of sort of always go
17:56
back to a nine to five. There's always a nine to five
18:00
that you can go back to if that's what you've been doing.
18:04
So I think it'd be convenient to like randomly get a 95 job or
18:11
even like a parttime office job, just have like some money come
18:14
in while like try to start the business so that I'm not
18:18
completely, like keep digging into my savings.
18:22
So that's an option as well. I just don't want to get back in
18:25
a situation where I get an office job and I instantly start
18:29
to hate it right away because I hated my previous job, office
18:33
job so much. So I'm very picky about any type
18:39
of office job that I take on. Yeah, so the I didn't think the
18:43
career break would last this long.
18:45
I thought, well, what three to six months?
18:47
We're, I think we're Month 7 right now, I thought.
18:50
Career break would be three to six months and then during the
18:53
three to six months I would have figured some stuff out, but I
18:59
don't think I I don't think I figured out what I had wanted to
19:05
figure out. So a bit of a question mark, but
19:08
definitely doing the side hustle that I have one of the side
19:12
hustles, I'm leaning to it a lot more.
19:16
And kind of sort of making a business out of it and it's
19:18
actually pretty enjoyable. And then starting the actual
19:21
real business, that's just like something again I've never tried
19:26
to do before and I'm just kind of like diving into the deep end
19:30
and we'll see if that sticks or not.
19:32
It's going to take a bit of an investment money wise.
19:35
So I think that's why maybe I'm a little bit scared of it.
19:38
It's going to take like a whole chunk of capital investment to
19:40
get that started, but. What I remind myself all the
19:45
time is nothing is nothing is permanent except death in taxes.
19:51
Like I might try to stop this business.
19:55
Maybe it fails or I can't get it off the ground and I should have
19:58
to, like keep reminding myself. If this doesn't work out, you
20:02
can go do something else, like there's a million ways to make
20:04
money like. If I have to go back to the 9:00
20:07
to 5:00, fine. But I'll go back and do a nine
20:09
to five. And if I don't like the 9:00 to
20:11
5:00, I can quit that again and then I can go do something else.
20:15
So that's what I keep reminding myself.
20:16
And that gives me a sense of relief because sometimes I get
20:20
so in my head about, oh, anytime I do anything, it's like some
20:25
sort of permanent, concrete, lifelong commitment.
20:28
And like nothing is. And I didn't really realize I
20:32
was taking decisions. So seriously until about 6:00 or
20:38
seven years ago and I was in San Francisco still and then I was
20:44
working for Google and I was been there for this is near the
20:47
end of my tenure there for seven years and I got this job offer
20:51
for pretty sweet job Ashley. This is the job that I used to
20:55
have in Santa Monica. And I was super, super on the
20:59
fence about whether I should, like, quit Google, which is the
21:04
only full time job I've known since then since I graduated
21:08
college, to like go work for this like a known startup in LA.
21:14
And everything kind of clicked for me when I realized.
21:20
You're not. You're not working for this
21:22
company in Santa Monica for the rest of your life.
21:24
You're not locked in there. If you go there, you move to LA.
21:28
You work for this company and it doesn't work out.
21:31
You can just find a different job, like the job is not
21:34
permanent. So it sounds so simple, but once
21:39
I realized that it was very easy to make decision to actually.
21:43
Quit Google and work for this startup in Santa Monica.
21:47
And I did. In 2017, I quit Google and then
21:49
I moved down to LA. Yeah, so that's kind of what I'm
21:53
reminding myself now. Like, you know, if like, if one
21:57
door closes, another door opens, nothing is like permanent, You
22:00
know? If there's something you don't
22:01
like, you know, go change it. So that's what I'm.
22:06
Trying to keep in my head, but also trying to like, give myself
22:09
a little bit of kick in the ass to like okay, you know, like
22:11
don't just sit in the couch watch TV all day.
22:13
Like I should start doing some work for this business you're
22:16
trying to start. All right.
22:17
One thing I do want to mention is the Threats app that is, I
22:24
mean, I guess for tech people is like something that's been
22:27
making the news a lot. So the Threats app, the app that
22:31
can get on the phone is Instagrams.
22:35
Competitor to Twitter. So unless you've been living
22:40
under rock, you've probably heard all the news around
22:43
Twitter how Elon Musk owns it now.
22:45
And he's like fired like a whole ton of people.
22:48
And there's all these issues with Twitter.
22:51
I've never been a Twitter person, really.
22:54
I tried to do Twitter like. 7-8 years ago and just post things
23:00
on there. But like, I just didn't really
23:03
resonate with the idea of doing tweets all the time.
23:05
Yeah, so I don't do Twitter really.
23:08
But when the threats app came out, because I'm.
23:12
I use Instagram. Well, I was gonna say use
23:15
Instagram all the time, but it's more accurate to say Instagram
23:20
is the social media app that I used the most.
23:22
I wouldn't say I'm posting things on Instagram all the
23:25
time. I definitely don't.
23:28
I have periods where I just don't post anything on Instagram
23:32
and sometimes I feel like it and I'll post like 5 pictures in the
23:35
day. So for me, it's really like up
23:38
and down for Instagram. But I I I'll go through my
23:41
Instagram all the time. I'll look at what other people
23:42
are posting, even though I don't post all the time on my own
23:45
Instagram. But threats being from Instagram
23:50
and me being a techie and it was kind of like the big news right
23:53
now, the big tech. Thing that's happening right
23:56
now. Went ahead and downloaded it and
24:00
I'm kind of set up posting some stuff on threads, but it's
24:03
really weird because it's like a brand new app and it's got a
24:08
whole ton of users that have signed up already.
24:11
So apparently it only launched last week I think, and it's
24:15
already got over 100 million users basically just pulling.
24:19
All the users from Instagram over biz threats an Instagram
24:22
app, like a sister app to Instagram basically.
24:25
But but I'm on the feed it's recommending me the most.
24:29
Like weird things. I guess because it's such a new
24:33
app that the algorithms aren't trained yet.
24:38
So I've got some of my friends are on it from Instagram and
24:43
Facebook. Most of them are not yet, so
24:46
I'll see mostly. In Defeat, it's posts from
24:53
random people. Like completely random, so the
24:57
algorithm just pulled them out of thin air.
24:59
It's got a few ads in there. Or it's like people that have
25:08
posted something my friends on the Threats app have replied to,
25:13
whereas you know if you go on like Twitter or like Facebook,
25:16
Instagram. The feed that you get, it's like
25:20
the algorithms are pretty mature on those.
25:22
You're going to see a good amount of stuff from your
25:25
friends, it's going to show you some ads and it's going to show
25:28
you some things based on what it thinks you're interested in,
25:31
right? That works decently for most
25:35
people once the if the algorithms are mature and
25:38
they're good and they're doing a good job on the Threats app, the
25:41
algorithms are very fresh. Even though they've got a lot of
25:45
users there, for a lot of data, also from people's like
25:48
Instagrams with this link to your Instagram account, it's got
25:51
a lot of data to like train the algorithms on.
25:53
But the algorithms are very young.
25:55
So like when I'm on the feed, it's like I don't want to see
25:59
half this stuff or like I have no idea where most of this stuff
26:01
is coming from. Every day that I go into the
26:03
feed on the Threats app, it feels like I'm getting a
26:06
different version of the algorithm.
26:07
One day it was show me a bunch of like stuff about like R&B
26:12
rap. Celebrity singers.
26:15
And then the next day it was like a bunch of like NBA sports
26:18
stuff and like I don't know where it pulled any of that
26:20
stuff because it should figured out from my Instagram history
26:23
and it's the same account that like I'm into neither like rap
26:27
or NBA. So yeah, it's really, really
26:30
weird. I'm trying to do little like
26:33
status update post type things. On the Threats app.
26:36
So if you want to follow me, it's linked from my Instagram,
26:40
just Joey T and then I have the same username on the Threats
26:43
app. So there you go.
26:46
And finally, to wrap it up, let's talk just a little bit
26:49
about RuPaul's Dragway. Some starts season eight, we're
26:52
down to almost the very end, so we're down to the top two now.
26:58
Jessica Wilde went home this past episode, unfortunately.
27:04
But if you haven't already, I would recommend you go watch the
27:08
Roscoe's viewing party of RuPaul's Dragways from this past
27:13
week. It's on YouTube.
27:15
They always posted there, but Jessica Wilde was one of the
27:19
guests on the the party, the viewing party, and she's
27:25
hilarious. Like, I thought she was
27:26
hilarious on the show, but like, she was so funny.
27:32
In that viewing party at Roscoe's and also one thing that
27:35
she said, I really have resonated with and she was
27:39
talking about her accent and she also got an audience question
27:44
about that. And she was basically saying how
27:47
some people gave her feedback about her comment or whatever
27:51
or. And also she thought, you know
27:53
when she was younger that the accent was like.
27:56
Getting in the way. Or it was something to be like
28:00
ashamed of and now she just totally owns it.
28:03
And I kind of resonated with that because I have like a
28:07
little bit of an accent and also sometimes my ESL comes through
28:11
because English is in my first language.
28:13
If I had to like write an essay like it will be fine, you know,
28:18
I know the right words to use in the grammar is good.
28:20
I think I should feel like I may be better grammar than like the
28:23
average person. I know the difference between
28:26
your and you are, and I never used to run one for example, but
28:30
when I'm talking sometimes I know I'll flub a word or like
28:34
use like the wrong tense even though I know what the right
28:37
tense to use forward is and things like that.
28:41
So yeah, like her thing that I really related to, she's so damn
28:45
funny. I really hope she wins the fame
28:48
games and the next episode that's coming up this week,
28:52
tomorrow, she come out tomorrow is an episode where they bring
28:56
all the contestants back, all the Queens back from the season
29:00
and it's basically a famed games talent extravaganza.
29:06
So I, she really want to see really excited for this episode
29:09
because I kind of want to see all the Queens.
29:11
Once again, and I think it's going to be a really great way
29:14
for all the Queens to kind of showcase and kind of fight for
29:21
who wins the Fame Games. And it gives everybody a chance
29:23
to showcase themselves and their talent like one more time before
29:29
voting begins, which is like later on this week.
29:32
So I think that's really, really great to see.
29:35
All right, that wraps up another episode of the podcast.
29:39
Reminder, you can get the video version of this podcast.
29:41
On Spotify and also on my YouTube channel.
29:43
Just Joey T The next Time, Bye.