Latest / Home for the Holidays / Invitation to the Cookout: RSVP for Evil

Transcript

Invitation to the Cookout: RSVP for Evil · Home for the Holidays

0:08
Greatmomma: Myth Lab Entertainment presents...
0:10
Greatmomma: Home for the Holidays.
0:12
Greatmomma: Invitation to the Cookout.
0:14
Partygoers: Marcus, Marcus, Marcus, Marcus!!!!
0:24
Marcus: Hey y'all, stop now! Why don't y'all let me go down the Squawk and Squeal and get y'all some rib tips?
0:30
Marcus: They got a sale on oxtails. Wait, what y'all doing over there? Stoooppp!!!! Come on, y'all don't want to do this... Stop! Stop!
0:54
Greatmomma: It was the perfect day for a cookout.
0:56
Greatmomma: Nothing but blue skies and sun.
0:58
Greatmomma: All the cousins were present.
1:02
Greatmomma: Well, all except one.
1:05
Greatmomma: That was my great-great-nephew Marcus, known for his jokes and his charm.
1:10
Greatmomma: But he was banned from this party, though he meant no real harm.
1:14
Greatmomma: You see, Marcus loved family outings.
1:18
Greatmomma: He was often the first one to show.
1:20
Greatmomma: The problem was, he arrived empty-handed, but left with the leftovers in tow.
1:26
Marcus: Hey, hey, Auntie, how you doing?
1:28
Marcus: Where's Unc at?
1:30
Marcus: He must be getting the party started, huh?
1:32
Auntie Deja: Damn, Marcus.
1:34
Auntie Deja: Not everyone has eaten yet.
1:37
Marcus: Sorry, Auntie Deja.
1:38
Marcus: You know, I don't cook, so I figured I'd try to get me enough for lunch tomorrow.
1:42
Auntie Deja: Looks more like a week to me.
1:45
Auntie Deja: Put some of that back.
1:48
Greatmomma: Auntie Deja was fed up and demanding.
1:50
Greatmomma: She felt that for too long the family was too understanding.
1:54
Greatmomma: She felt bad that his mother, her oldest sister, had passed last year.
2:00
Greatmomma: But Marcus made good money and wouldn't bring a six-pack of beer.
2:04
Greatmomma: Making it worse, he would always bring a guest.
2:08
Greatmomma: A different girlfriend every time.
2:10
Greatmomma: His Aunt Deja felt like she was running a charity because her nephew didn't cough up a dime.
2:16
Auntie Deja: Marcus, could you at least bring the paper plates?
2:21
Marcus: You know that's bad for the environment, Auntie.
2:24
Greatmomma: Big Momma, Deja's mother, tried to intercede on his behalf.
2:28
Greatmomma: But as she got older and exited the kitchen, Deja saw her opportunity at last.
2:35
Big Momma: You know men mature slower than women.
2:38
Auntie Deja: Mama, he's damn near 40.
2:42
Greatmomma: She convinced Big Mama to shadow ban him until he learned to share.
2:46
Greatmomma: He wasn't completely oblivious.
2:48
Greatmomma: He always brought Tupperware.
2:51
Greatmomma: At first, Marcus didn't notice until the invites were much fewer in number.
2:56
Greatmomma: He ate all the hot dogs at Juneteenth.
2:58
Greatmomma: Deja told him he was banned for the summer.
3:02
Marcus: Damn, Deja, you were my mama's favorite sister.
3:06
Auntie Deja: I was her only sister.
3:08
Auntie Deja: Bye, Marcus.
3:10
Auntie Deja: See you at Thanksgiving.
3:12
Auntie Deja: If you bring a dish.
3:15
Greatmomma: Marcus wasn't defeated by what Deja said.
3:18
Greatmomma: He hatched another plan instead.
3:21
Greatmomma: No spoilers, as the folks on the TikToks will say.
3:24
Greatmomma: But his efforts to join another family cookout are legend to this day.
3:40
Police Officer: Ma'am, I'm sorry to disturb you.
3:42
Police Officer: But when is the last time you saw Marcus Allen?
3:46
Aunt Sugar: Please don't call me ma'am.
3:48
Aunt Sugar: Everyone calls me Aunt Sugar.
3:51
Aunt Sugar: Marcus.
3:53
Aunt Sugar: Marcus, oh yes.
3:55
Aunt Sugar: He's such a sweet boy.
3:57
Aunt Sugar: He stopped by for the fourth, but there were so many of us here.
4:02
Aunt Sugar: I don't even know what time it was when he left.
4:06
Police Officer: Well, I understand from some of your other family members that you had just met Marcus and invited him to your party.
4:12
Police Officer: Can you take me back to how you met?
4:15
Aunt Sugar: I noticed the poor young man was on Facebook looking for a cookout to go to.
4:20
Aunt Sugar: It was very sad.
4:22
Aunt Sugar: He seemed quite lonely.
4:27
Marcus: Calling all cousins.
4:28
Marcus: I'm Delia's only son, and unfortunately, my mama's side of the family is tripping.
4:34
Marcus: They froze me out of the 4th of July cookout.
4:36
Marcus: Yes, @ Deja, I'm talking about you.
4:40
Marcus: If you're grilling and you have some room for one more, let me know in the comments.
4:45
Marcus: I'll bring the dominoes and the spades and the Uno.
4:49
Marcus: Extra points if you got lamb chops on the grill.
4:53
Marcus: (phone rings) Oh Lord. Decline.
5:02
Marcus: (phone ringsHey Big Momma.
5:02
Big Momma: Hey baby…how you doing?
5:02
Marcus: I’m alright. Deja’s not with you, is she?
5:02
Big Momma: Naw, but she is in the other room. Did you block her? She said she tried to call and couldn’t get through.
5:02
Marcus: I don’t want to talk to her right now. You OK? You need anything?
5:03
Big Momma: No, I don’t need nothing. I wanted to check on you. I know you and Deja have y’all issues, but Big Momma’s got you.
5:03
Marcus: Really? ‘Cuz I find it hard to believe Deja can stop me from coming over to the house this weekend. That’s your house. Now I can’t even see my own grandmother?
5:03
Big Momma: Now, now. You know Deja helps me out. I can’t have her mad at me. I’m sorry, but Big Momma can’t do it like she used to. She’s in charge of the invites now.
5:03
Big Momma: I’ll tell you what though. She goes to her bowling league on Sundays. You come over after about six and I’ll have you a plate of her famous brisket.
5:02
Marcus: Nah, don’t you get in trouble with Auntie. I know how much she likes to count all the left overs.
6:28
Marcus: I got somewhere else to go anyway.
6:31
Big Momma: You do? Cause Deja said you were on the Bookface telling folks something else entirely.
6:31
Marcus: I don’t know what you mean, Big Momma, but I’m alright. I’ll come see you this weekend anyway. I miss you.
6:31
Big Momma: I miss you too, sweetie. You take care now. And one thing...
6:32
Marcus: Yes ma’am...
6:32
Big Momma: If you go to some of them other folks’ houses, just bring ‘em something, baby. Some chips, some cups, anything. You hear? Show ‘em my baby raised you right.
6:32
Marcus: Not everybody is as stingy as Deja, but I appreciate you. Have a good night. Love you!
6:32
Auntie Deja: Momma, you still in there? There’s a line for the bathroom forming.
6:32
Big Momma: Ooh, gotta go. Love you too!
6:32
Auntie Deja: Oh, really, you tagged me in this mess? Boy, wherever you go, don't try to take 10 to-go plates.
7:44
Marcus: Bloop. Deleted. Blocked.
7:49
Ex-Girlfriend: Poor Marcus.
7:50
Ex-Girlfriend: You don't have anywhere to go.
7:52
Ex-Girlfriend: You could have been over here with me, but you decided to flirt with my co-worker.
7:59
Ex-Girlfriend: Like they always say, even a golden retriever is still a dog.
8:09
Marcus: Deleted! Girl, get off my page.
8:13
Marcus: I haven't seen you since 2010.
8:16
Marcus: A DM?
8:18
Marcus: Maybe my boo wants to get back with me.
8:23
Marcus: Who is Sugar?
8:26
Aunt Sugar: Hey, little cousin.
8:28
Aunt Sugar: This is your Aunt Sugar.
8:30
Aunt Sugar: Not sure if you remember me, but I'm on your daddy's side.
8:34
Aunt Sugar: I was at your 10th birthday party when your mama hired that Batman to show up.
8:40
Aunt Sugar: But he broke his leg back flipping off the porch steps.
8:45
Aunt Sugar: Anywho, I saw your post.
8:48
Aunt Sugar: And it would be wonderful to see you again.
8:51
Aunt Sugar: We're cooking out for the Fourth, and all your cousins and their kids and many more will be there.
8:58
Aunt Sugar: Here's the address.
8:59
Aunt Sugar: 1026 Longdale Avenue.
9:04
Aunt Sugar: We're out in the burbs.
9:06
Aunt Sugar: Come on through.
9:07
Aunt Sugar: We'll put some lamb chops on just for you.
9:10
Aunt Sugar: Give my love to your mama's side.
9:13
Aunt Sugar: XOXO.
9:16
Greatmomma: Aunt Sugar.
9:18
Greatmomma: Marcus didn't know that name, but that didn't stop Marcus from wondering all the same.
9:23
Greatmomma: He clicked on the profile and took a peek.
9:26
Greatmomma: Let's just say Sugar's life was looking pretty sweet.
9:30
Greatmomma: There were photos of her house at the top of a big old hill.
9:34
Greatmomma: There was a big underground pool and a professional grill.
9:37
Greatmomma: She had a basketball court and even a sauna.
9:40
Greatmomma: Marcus wondered why he hadn't heard about these cousins from his own mama.
9:45
Greatmomma: His dad was never a fixture in his life, so that whole side of the family had paid the price.
9:52
Greatmomma: Marcus noticed Sugar had a son around his age she called Big E.
9:56
Greatmomma: Just from looking at their pictures, this was the place to be.
10:00
Greatmomma: Big Momma and Deja could stick to their tired rules.
10:04
Greatmomma: Marcus Allen had an offer he wouldn't refuse.
10:07
Greatmomma: It was the fourth of July, aka cookout day,.
10:20
Greatmomma: Marcus was heading to his cousins and he didn't come to play.
10:28
Greatmomma: He had on his best short set with his brand new sandals.
10:31
Greatmomma: He put his basketball in the car so he could show off his handles.
10:35
Greatmomma: His smell good was on 10, some vintage Drakkar Noir.
10:39
Greatmomma: He even added a spritz or two once he got in the car.
10:43
Greatmomma: He had his dominoes, a deck of cards all ready to play, and cookout tunes ready if he had to deejay.
10:50
Greatmomma: He had his trusty Tupperware to grab leftover food.
10:54
Greatmomma: He was humming and happy, in a very good mood.
10:58
Greatmomma: The only thing he didn't have was a single dish to contribute to the feast against Big Momma's one wish.
11:06
Greatmomma: But Aunt Sugar had assured him when he called to RSVP.
11:10
Marcus: All I need to bring to this cookout is me.
11:14
Greatmomma: It took him about an hour to follow the route.
11:16
Greatmomma: It was a gorgeous gated community with only one house.
11:21
Greatmomma: As Marcus parked in an open spot, his phone began to buzz.
11:25
Greatmomma: It was that damn Aunt Deja texting, asking where he was.
11:29
Greatmomma: He texted the address to gloat about his luck.
11:33
Greatmomma: Then the food smell filled his nostrils and he leaped out of his truck.
11:41
Marcus: Damn, it's like walking a football field.
11:50
Aunt Sugar: Hey Marcus! Oh my goodness.
11:53
Aunt Sugar: You look just like your picture.
11:56
Aunt Sugar: My.
11:57
Aunt Sugar: Have you grown.
11:59
Aunt Sugar: So handsome! Look, my son Eric is walking around to meet you.
12:05
Aunt Sugar: We call him Big E.
12:08
Big E: Man, I've got to change my diet.
12:10
Big E: Can't even make it out the gate.
12:11
Big E: Hey, hey, hey, cousin.
12:13
Big E: So glad you made it.
12:15
Big E: Nah, don't even bother going in the house.
12:18
Big E: Meet me at the gate.
12:20
Big E: This is where the action is.
12:22
Greatmomma: And Big E wasn't exaggerating.
12:24
Greatmomma: There were at least 100 folks, all friendly and smiling.
12:28
Greatmomma: Clearly, none of them broke.
12:30
Greatmomma: Marcus was really gloating in his mind.
12:33
Greatmomma: This was the side of the family he should have known this whole time.
12:37
Greatmomma: There was plenty of food.
12:39
Greatmomma: Everyone's plate was filled.
12:41
Greatmomma: The women were feeding the men first.
12:44
Greatmomma: Marcus got a sudden thrill.
12:46
Greatmomma: He had hardly made it into the gate when he was handed some mac and cheese.
12:51
Greatmomma: You could tell by the golden crust, the chef was gifted indeed.
12:56
Greatmomma: Next up, baked beans and deviled eggs galore.
12:59
Big E: Who made the potato salad?
13:01
Greatmomma: As soon as Marcus finished the dish, they loaded him up with more.
13:05
Greatmomma: Big E was leading a quick tour, introducing everyone in sight.
13:11
Greatmomma: They all seemed excited to meet him, responding with hugs and smiles so bright.
13:16
Greatmomma: T
13:17
Big E: That's Sheila.
13:18
Sheila: She's in from Atlanta.
13:20
Jason: Hey, Marcus.
13:21
Jason: Good to meet you.
13:22
Jason: No, I'm not making no ice run. I just got here.
13:24
Big E: That's Jason.
13:25
Big E: He lived not too far.
13:27
Jason: Aunt Sugar has been talking about you all week.
13:31
Big E: That's little Kali.
13:32
Big E: My baby.
13:34
Big E: Her mama up and ran off a few years back.
13:37
Big E: She kinda clingy, but a sweet girl.
13:40
Kali: Hey, Uncle Marcus.
13:42
Kali: Can you teach me to play basketball?
13:44
Marcus: Of course.
13:45
Marcus: Unc got you.
13:47
Marcus: Meet you on the court about 10.
13:50
Kali: Yay! Daddy, I like this one!
13:53
Big E: Okay now, baby.
13:54
Big E: Go on, get your shoes on.
13:56
Big E: Woo wee! Here come JJ.
13:59
Big E: This who really wants to meet you.
14:02
Big E: He's our grill master.
14:04
JJ: Hey there.
14:05
JJ: You Marcus?
14:06
JJ: Good to meet you, man.
14:07
JJ: You work out?
14:08
JJ: You got me wanting to get back in the gym.
14:11
Marcus: Yeah, I heard you was gonna throw some lamb chops on for me.
14:14
Marcus: So you know if you want to hit the gym, I'm always down to spot.
14:18
JJ: Thank you, man.
14:19
JJ: Yeah, let me go see about those chops.
14:25
Big E: Watch out now.
14:26
Big E: Oh yeah.
14:27
Big E: And that's the pool, of course.
14:29
Big E: If you need some trunks, we got extras.
14:32
Big E: And a shower over there so you can get the chlorine up off you.
14:35
Big E: Barbecue and chlorine taste don't mix.
14:39
Marcus: And you know that's right.
14:43
Greatmomma: Marcus was having a fine time.
14:46
Greatmomma: So much that hours went by.
14:48
Greatmomma: He played horse with Kali and spades with the guys.
14:51
JJ: Kids, stop playing by the grill.
14:53
Greatmomma: The female relatives brought him plates while the men brought him shots.
14:58
Greatmomma: But he noticed nothing was on the grill.
15:01
Greatmomma: And it was almost four o'clock.
15:04
Greatmomma: Those chops JJ promised never seemed to appear.
15:08
Greatmomma: But Kali and E kept him talking, and Aunt Sugar bent his ear.
15:13
Greatmomma: It was about 30 minutes before he noticed he misplaced his phone.
15:18
Greatmomma: As he tried to look for it, Aunt Sugar wouldn't leave him alone.
15:25
Aunt Sugar: Oh, I'm sure it'll turn up.
15:27
Aunt Sugar: Don't you worry! I'll have some of the kids call it.
15:31
Aunt Sugar: Let them use those young legs to run around searching.
15:36
Aunt Sugar: But you know what?
15:37
Aunt Sugar: I'm getting tired of this blues music that JJ put on.
15:42
Aunt Sugar: Can you go over to the DJ table and get on that laptop, honey?
15:46
Aunt Sugar: Find some music we can dance to.
15:49
Marcus: Oh, you already know that, Aunt Sugar.
15:52
Marcus: Let me know when you find the phone.
15:54
Aunt Sugar: Absolutely.
15:55
Aunt Sugar: Kali, Darius, get off that game and come help me find your big cousin's phone.
16:02
Aunt Sugar: Whoever finds it gets a treat later tonight.
16:07
Kali: Aw, man. Okay.
16:07
Greatmomma: Marcus was in his element in DJ mode.
16:19
Greatmomma: He was feeling so seen and part of the fold.
16:22
Jason: Hey, yo, turn it up! I'm trying to get my dance on.
16:23
Greatmomma: He was busy picking songs.
16:25
Greatmomma: He forgot about the phone.
16:28
Greatmomma: But if he had seen it, he might have known.
16:31
Greatmomma: Aunt Deja had been reaching out nearly every hour and was panicked that his phone may have run out of power.
16:39
Greatmomma: She'd left three voicemails and none were returned.
16:42
Greatmomma: She was truly regretting that Marcus felt spurned.
16:46
Greatmomma: While she was struggling to get in touch, in an upstairs bedroom, Aunt Sugar and E made sure those messages were doomed.
16:58
Automated Voice: Three missed messages.
17:00
Auntie Deja: Nephew, I know you're mad at me, but I got something to tell you.
17:05
Auntie Deja: Call me back.
17:07
Automated Voice: Message deleted.
17:10
Auntie Deja: Marcus, I know you see these missed calls.
17:13
Auntie Deja: You are always on that stupid phone.
17:16
Auntie Deja: Boy, you got one more time to ignore me.
17:20
Automated Voice: Message deleted.
17:23
Auntie Deja: Marcus, call me back right now!!! I've been talking to our family.
17:28
Auntie Deja: And nobody, and I mean nobody, but one person knows Aunt Sugar.
17:33
Auntie Deja: And to tell you the truth, they said she is really strange.
17:38
Auntie Deja: They say she did something weird at your birthday party.
17:42
Auntie Deja: Her and her little cockeyed son.
17:45
Auntie Deja: Call me now!!! I don't want to say it in a message.
17:51
Automated Voice: Message deleted.
17:52
Automated Voice: You have no new messages.
17:55
Aunt Sugar: E, erase all those silly ass texts too.
17:58
Big E: You got it, mama.
17:59
Big E: But why I gotta be cock-eyed.
18:02
Aunt Sugar: You are not cock-eyed, baby.
18:05
Aunt Sugar: Don't you worry.
18:06
Aunt Sugar: And while you're in there, see if Miss Thang's address is in his contacts.
18:12
Aunt Sugar: I might pay her a visit talking shit about my son.
18:16
Aunt Sugar: Oh, come on, come on.
18:18
Aunt Sugar: Hurry up.
18:19
Aunt Sugar: Y'all, y'all taking too damn slow.
18:21
Aunt Sugar: Kick it under the bed.
18:22
Aunt Sugar: Hurry.
18:23
Aunt Sugar: Who is it?
18:25
Marcus: Hey, Aunt Sugar.
18:26
Marcus: So sorry to disturb you.
18:28
Marcus: The kids say they can't find the phone.
18:30
Marcus: They told me you were up here.
18:31
Aunt Sugar: Sorry, baby.
18:33
Aunt Sugar: I'm changing into a swimsuit because I want to take a little dip.
18:37
Aunt Sugar: I'll meet you out back outside by the pool, okay?
18:40
Marcus: Yeah, for sure.
18:41
Marcus: It's just I wanted to check in on Big Momma.
18:44
Marcus: You remember her?
18:45
Aunt Sugar: Big Momma.
18:46
Aunt Sugar: Hmm.
18:47
Marcus: Yeah, my mother's mother.
18:49
Marcus: You met her at my birthday party, right?
18:52
Marcus: We always held big events at her house down in Pill Hill.
18:56
Aunt Sugar: Oh, yeah, yeah.
18:58
Aunt Sugar: Yes, Big Momma.
19:00
Aunt Sugar: Wonderful woman.
19:02
Marcus: Did my dad take you all over there?
19:04
Aunt Sugar: Uh, no.
19:05
Aunt Sugar: I didn't know your daddy that well.
19:07
Aunt Sugar: I think your mother invited us.
19:10
Aunt Sugar: In fact, your dad might have been mad when we came.
19:14
Aunt Sugar: We didn't really get along.
19:17
Marcus: Really?
19:18
Marcus: I heard my daddy was really friendly.
19:20
Aunt Sugar: Yeah, but you didn't know that first hand, huh?
19:26
Marcus: Whoa.
19:26
Marcus: I guess you're right about that.
19:29
Marcus: Uh, I'll uh I'll see you outside then.
19:35
Greatmomma: As soon as Marcus got outside, he fell deep into thought.
19:39
Greatmomma: He wasn't even excited by the dishes folks brought.
19:42
Greatmomma: He tasted some macaroni salad, tried spaghetti with cheese, but the grill was still warming up, no sign of meat.
19:51
Greatmomma: He couldn't help but notice how Aunt Sugar's voice had gone cold when talking about his father, and he found that quite bold.
19:59
Greatmomma: Even his mother, where there was no love lost, had never spoken of his dad with that level of frost.
20:06
Greatmomma: He was pondering leaving, just hitting the road.
20:10
Greatmomma: But first things first, he had to find his phone.
20:14
Greatmomma: As if on the same wavelength, Kali ran to his side.
20:18
Greatmomma: She held his phone in her palm, but unfortunately, it had died.
20:24
Kali: Big cousin! Big cousin! Here goes your phone. You want to play hide and seek with me and Darius?
20:29
Marcus: Kali, honey, look, I think I might leave soon.
20:32
Marcus: But I really enjoyed meeting you.
20:36
Kali: Don't go, big cousin! They always leave me.
20:40
Marcus: What?
20:40
Marcus: Who leaves you?
20:42
Big E: Little girl, if you don't stop them crocodile tears, what is wrong with you bothering your big cousin?
20:48
Big E: Now go on in the kitchen.
20:49
Big E: Grandma says she has some cake for you.
20:52
Marcus: Aunt Sugar is in the kitchen?
20:53
Marcus: Oh good.
20:54
Marcus: I was about to bounce.
20:55
Marcus: I'll come say goodbye.
20:56
Big E: Goodbye?
20:57
Big E: No, no.
20:59
Big E: We ain't even put the meat on yet.
21:02
Marcus: I noticed this big dog, and believe me, this food is great, but I'm starting to get hungry.
21:06
Marcus: These carbs got my stomach growling.
21:08
Marcus: You hear that?
21:09
Marcus: I gotta get up out of here.
21:12
Big E: Oh no, no, cuzzo.
21:14
Big E: We cannot let you leave yet.
21:17
Big E: Nobody leaves one of our parties hungry.
21:19
Big E: I'm so sorry.
21:21
Big E: I told my brother to stop by Squawk and Squeal on his way in from work, but his supervisor is tripping.
21:27
Big E: He's on the way now.
21:29
Big E: I just talked to him.
21:30
Marcus: It's not just that.
21:31
Marcus: I'm actually feeling kind of tired.
21:33
Marcus: I had a great time, but I think a brother just getting old.
21:37
Big E: I don't want to beg.
21:40
Big E: Come on through to the kitchen.
21:43
Big E: Follow me.
21:45
Greatmomma: Marcus was relieved that Big E seemed to understand.
21:49
Greatmomma: He didn't want to leave the wrong impression.
21:51
Greatmomma: He really liked that man.
21:53
Greatmomma: And getting to know this side of the family meant a lot.
21:57
Greatmomma: So he slid his phone in his pocket.
21:59
Greatmomma: And he broke into a trot.
22:01
Greatmomma: He tried his best to follow Big E, for whom the crowd seemed to part like the Red Sea.
22:07
Greatmomma: But when Marcus tried to catch up, folks were stepping in his way.
22:12
Greatmomma: It was weird the way it was happening.
22:14
Greatmomma: He hardly knew what to say.
22:18
Marcus: Watch out now.
22:19
Marcus: I almost elbowed you.
22:22
Sheila: My bad.
22:22
Sheila: This playlist you made got me moving.
22:25
Sheila: Didn't see you there, cousin.
22:27
Jason: Hey man, wanna hit the dominoes one more time?
22:30
Marcus: Damn, you tripped me, bruh.
22:32
Marcus: Next time, Playboy.
22:34
Marcus: Next time.
22:36
Jason: Oh yeah, next time for sure.
22:39
Greatmomma: Lastly, young Kali grabbed onto his waist.
22:42
Greatmomma: He tried to move her out of the way, but he was now walking in place.
22:47
Kali: Baby girl, what are you doing?
22:48
Kali: No, don't go to the kitchen.
22:50
Kali: I don't want you to go yet.
22:52
Marcus: I'll be back.
22:53
Marcus: When's the next cookout?
22:54
Kali: It'll be someone else's turn then.
22:57
Marcus: What?
22:57
Marcus: Okay, Kali, go find Darius.
23:00
Marcus: We'll play horse one more time before I go.
23:03
Marcus: Give you a chance t o win your little dollar back.
23:06
Kali: Okay, bye, big cousin.
23:09
Marcus: Not bye.
23:10
Marcus: See ya later.
23:13
Greatmomma: With Kali off his heels, Marcus was able to close the distance.
23:17
Greatmomma: He got to the door, admiring his own persistence.
23:21
Greatmomma: Inside, he could see that Aunt Sugar was at the stove, Big E was at the fridge, but they weren't alone.
23:28
Greatmomma: At least five other people were standing in his way.
23:32
Greatmomma: And at the head of it, holding a butcher knife, was none other than JJ.
23:38
Marcus: So now you want to start working on the lam b chops?
23:41
Marcus: Just my luck.
23:42
Marcus: Hey, Aunt Sugar.
23:49
Marcus: Hey everybody, excuse me.
23:50
Marcus: Can I get by?
23:51
Marcus: JJ.
23:52
Marcus: Bruh.
23:54
Marcus: You wielding that thing like a weapon.
23:56
Marcus: Watch out now.
23:58
Aunt Sugar: I hear you're leaving us already?
24:00
Marcus: Yeah, I got a little tired.
24:02
Marcus: I think it was all this running around and dancing and that delicious food giving me the 'itis.
24:07
Aunt Sugar: I know that's right.
24:09
Aunt Sugar: I feel so embarrassed though.
24:11
Aunt Sugar: Inviting you to the cookout and you didn't get anything off the grill.
24:16
Aunt Sugar: JJ is legendary for his skills.
24:19
Aunt Sugar: I just have to make sure you experience it at least once before you go.
24:26
Marcus: It's okay, Aunt Sugar.
24:28
Marcus: I'll be back.
24:29
Marcus: Maybe like Labor Day or something like that.
24:31
Marcus: Labor Day good?
24:31
Marcus: Sure.
24:32
Marcus: That sounds good.
24:34
Marcus: Give your auntie a big hug.
24:38
Marcus: Aunt Sugar?
24:40
Marcus: Aunt Sugar, you you're holding me kind of tight.
24:44
Marcus: I can't move my arm.
24:46
Aunt Sugar: I'm so sorry about this, baby.
24:48
Aunt Sugar: But everybody is famished.
24:50
Aunt Sugar: We tried to let you have as much fun as possible, especially since we saw how your mama's dirty side of the family did you.
24:58
Marcus: What the hell are you talking about?
25:00
Marcus: Let me go.
25:03
Kali: Let him go, let him go.
25:05
Kali: Daddy, help him.
25:06
Kali: I like this one.
25:08
Kali: He's my friend.
25:10
Marcus: This one?
25:10
Big E: Okay, Kall.
25:12
Big E: Daddy's got him.
25:13
Big E: Mama, let him go.
25:16
Big E: Kali, go wait outside.
25:18
Kali: But Daddy!
25:20
Big E: What did I say?
25:21
Big E: Go.
25:26
Marcus: Hey, I know hunger makes people crazy.
25:28
Marcus: But what is wrong with y'all?
25:31
Marcus: JJ, don't walk up on me, dude, for real.
25:33
Marcus: I promise.
25:34
Marcus: This ain't what you want, homeboy.
25:36
Big E: Listen, listen, man.
25:37
Big E: It's nothing personal.
25:39
Big E: Like mama had said, we really enjoyed your company.
25:43
Big E: But it's really rude not to serve your guests.
25:47
Big E: We're running out of time.
25:52
JJ: Damn, you were right.
25:54
JJ: He is really tender.
25:55
JJ: We're gonna eat good tonight.
25:58
Marcus: Ah, help! Somebody help!
26:02
Aunt Sugar: You are so right.
26:03
Aunt Sugar: We should get some help.
26:05
Aunt Sugar: Sheila, Jason, Paula, Aaron! Get yourt asses in here! Help us get him on the spit.
26:11
Sheila: I call the leg!
26:12
JJ: Low and slow is the only way to go.
26:14
JJ: Quit fighting. Just relax. It will all be over soon.
26:18
Jason: Not too much sauce on him.
26:19
Jason: We don't want to burn him now.
26:21
Partygoers: Marcus! Marcus! Marcus!
26:24
Marcus: Hey y'all, stop now! Why don't y'all let me go to my Squawk and Squeal and get y'all some rip tips?
26:30
Marcus: They got a sale on oxtails.
26:30
Marcus: Come on, man.
26:47
Auntie Deja: Yeah, yeah, I I think it's up in here.
26:49
Auntie Deja: This weird looking gate, right right here.
26:52
Auntie Deja: Hurry up.
26:52
Auntie Deja: Oh my lord, did you hear that?
27:04
Auntie Deja: I think it's Marcus! He's screaming.
27:06
Auntie Deja: Rick, you got that thang on you.
27:12
Cousin Rick: Yup yup.
27:13
Auntie Deja: All right.
27:14
Auntie Deja: Let's go.
27:26
Marcus: Let me go, you crazy motherfuckers, man.
27:28
Marcus: Y'all are sick.
27:30
Aunt Sugar: Is he still talking?
27:31
Aunt Sugar: Stick an apple in his damn mouth.
27:35
Auntie Deja: You better not stick shit in my nephew's mouth.
27:39
Auntie Deja: You insane cannibal.
27:41
Auntie Deja: Back up.
27:43
Auntie Deja: Who is this bitch?
27:45
Auntie Deja: I'm Deja.
27:47
Auntie Deja: Allen. But Auntie Deja to you.
27:49
Auntie Deja: Get my nephew down from there! I brought every YN cousin in our family.
27:56
Auntie Deja: And we will we will swiss cheese every single one of you Hills Have Eyes bastards.
28:04
Aunt Sugar: E, get them!
28:09
Big E: No!!!! Mama!
28:12
Aunt Sugar: E! That's my son, you crazy bastard! I'll kill your black ass.
28:18
Auntie Deja: I know it was your son.
28:19
Auntie Deja: I remember his crossed out eyes.
28:23
Auntie Deja: But don't worry.
28:24
Auntie Deja: Hmm.
28:25
Auntie Deja: You'll be going with him.
28:28
Aunt Sugar: Get him! What are you idiots standing there for?
28:32
JJ: Ain't nobody here hungry enough to get shot.
28:34
JJ: You should have made the eventbrite private.
28:36
Aunt Sugar: Get...get back here and help me!
28:38
Jason: Hell no, I ain't going back inside.
28:40
Jason: I'm out of here.
28:42
JJ: Shh.
28:42
JJ: Everybody be quiet.
28:44
Marcus: Thank you.
28:45
Marcus: Thank you so much for coming to get me.
28:48
Auntie Deja: Are you crazy?
28:49
Auntie Deja: You are my sister's only child.
28:52
Auntie Deja: There is no way I'd let these psychopaths take you from us.
28:56
Auntie Deja: Don't talk though.
28:58
Auntie Deja: Save your strength.
29:00
Auntie Deja: We'll get you out of here.
29:02
Cousin Rick: We got you, Slime.
29:03
Cousin Rick: Hold on to my shoulder.
29:04
Cousin Rick: Hands up, don't reach for nothing.
29:06
Marcus: Wait, wait, there's something I gotta get.
29:09
Auntie Deja: Boy, I know you better not be trying to bring none of this food home.
29:14
Auntie Deja: God knows what's in it.
29:17
Marcus: No, no, this is not food.
29:19
Marcus: I see why you said that, though.
29:21
Marcus: That mac and cheese was hitting.
29:23
Marcus: But yeah, no idea what that meat was in the spaghetti.
29:35
Greatmomma: Aunt Deja and the YNs got my nephew out in time.
29:38
Greatmomma: They took him straight to the hospital and things turned out fine.
29:42
Greatmomma: But they didn't want that crazy family to escape or flee, so they called the police expeditiously.
29:49
Greatmomma: Aunt Sugar was shot so she couldn't rush anywhere.
29:52
Greatmomma: Her son was dead and guests were scattered.
29:55
Greatmomma: But still, she prepared.
29:57
Greatmomma: She put on a red cookout shirt to cover where she was hit.
30:01
Greatmomma: When she saw the responding officer, she was all warmth and wit.
30:11
Police Officer: Ma'am, I'm sorry to disturb you.
30:13
Police Officer: But when is the last time you saw Marcus Allen?
30:17
Aunt Sugar: Please don't call me, ma'am.
30:19
Aunt Sugar: Everyone calls me Aunt Sugar.
30:22
Aunt Sugar: Marcus.
30:24
Aunt Sugar: Marcus, oh yes.
30:26
Aunt Sugar: He's such a sweet boy.
30:28
Aunt Sugar: He stopped by for the fourth, but there were so many of us here.
30:33
Aunt Sugar: I don't even know what time it was when he left.
30:37
Police Officer: Well, ma'am, it appears that Mr.
30:39
Police Officer: Allen suffered an injury here in this house.
30:42
Police Officer: And I've got a warrant to enter and inspect the premises.
30:47
Aunt Sugar: Let me see that.
30:48
Aunt Sugar: Huh?
30:49
Aunt Sugar: I can't quite read this.
30:51
Aunt Sugar: You mind if I get my glasses?
30:54
Police Officer: Ma'am, don't reach for anything.
30:55
Aunt Sugar: Well, how do you expect me to see this?
30:58
Aunt Sugar: Especially in this dim light.
31:00
Police Officer: Ma'am, don't reach.
31:02
Police Officer: Ma'am, knife! Knife! We've got a suspect shot.
31:10
Police Officer: I repeat, suspect drew a weapon, a meat cleaver.
31:13
Police Officer: Suspect down.
31:14
Police Officer: Send ambulance to 1026 Longdale Avenue.
31:17
Police Officer: Oh my God.
31:19
Police Officer: Looks like another body over here.
31:23
Police Officer: On a spit.
31:35
Greatmomma: We are all grateful that Marcus survived the cookout from hell.
31:39
Greatmomma: He learned from the experience, and we can all tell.
31:43
Greatmomma: First thing, he deleted his Bookface account.
31:46
Greatmomma: If he had other deranged relatives, he didn't want to find out.
31:50
Greatmomma: Two, he stopped accepting random invitations.
31:54
Greatmomma: He hangs only with close family, no hesitation.
31:58
Greatmomma: Three, when he healed enough to come outside and attend our events, he has Kali by his side.
32:06
Greatmomma: Four, he never shows up with empty hands.
32:10
Greatmomma: He brings whatever the occasion demands.
32:13
Greatmomma: He learned how to cook, so by Thanksgiving Day, he made mac and cheese and brought a whole tray.
32:20
Greatmomma: At least three 12 packs, paper plates, and cups, and if we run out of anything, he'll go pick it up.
32:27
Greatmomma: He and Aunt Deja became the closest of kin.
32:30
Greatmomma: Kali and Deja, he doesn't play about them.
32:34
Greatmomma: And he is always on watch because in that July 4th confusion, we don't know what happened to the other cannibals at the family reunion.
32:43
Greatmomma: So he keeps our family close and within his sight and defends us with every scrap of his might.
32:50
Greatmomma: It's been years with no issues, and we won't get caught lacking.
32:55
Greatmomma: It's been a while since we've attended a cookout not packing.
32:59
Greatmomma: But here's a warning for you.
33:01
Greatmomma: If you don't want to die with regrets, remember there are some invites you never accept.
33:08
Greatmomma: For the love of God and the sake of your health.
33:12
Greatmomma: Never attend a cookout where all you bring is yourself.
33:15
Greatmomma: Tune in to the next episode of Home for the Holidays, season two.
33:34
Greatmomma: The privilege.
33:36
Greatmomma: It's something that usually brings money, power, and prestige.
33:39
Greatmomma: But when one woman joins a secret organization offering the privilege, the gift quickly becomes a curse.
33:46
Greatmomma: Myth Lab Entertainment presents Home for the Holidays, a new horror comedy anthology.
33:56
Greatmomma: Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.