Latest / Terri Messenger's Genius Zone / The B.S. Breakthrough Coach Rewriting Your Life Story

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The B.S. Breakthrough Coach Rewriting Your Life Story · Terri Messenger's Genius Zone

0:02
Hey, hey, hey, and welcome to Terry Messenger's Genius Zone.
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And this is the place and the space where you are going to get
0:13
your greatest personal development.
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Now on our show in this episode, you are going to learn about
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something very interesting about the way you speak to yourself,
0:29
the way that your thoughts and your stories impact your life
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for better or for worse. But when you come in to learning
0:41
about your own brain, you're going to learn so many ways that
0:48
is going to help you to break free from those old belief
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systems and rewire your story so you can rise into the life life
0:59
you were born to be. Sound good?
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Well, it gets better because the woman that I'm going to bring on
1:08
the show, if you love Oprah Winfrey, let me tell you, she's
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going to share something very powerful at the end of the show.
1:17
So you're not going to want to go away.
1:20
And this is about a life changing technique that she
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learned and she's going to share that with you up close and
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personal. Now she's going to also talk
1:32
about her own journey from having a monster father and a
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very, very treacherous upbringing with her father to
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losing her mother and how that was a pivotal point in her life
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that created who she is today. And that is an incredible
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breakthrough coach, an incredible beyond belief systems
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mental, a incredible belief builder.
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So with no further ado, I give you the wonderful Heather
2:12
McNally. Hello, Heather.
2:14
Hey Terry, thank you so much for having me here.
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This is this is gonna be great. We're gonna I.
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Know I can feel it already and I'm so excited for the end of
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the show. Although I can't wait for
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everything that's going to be shared because at the end
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though, it's going to, it's going to be so incredibly life
2:39
changing for so many people, just as it was for you.
2:44
So you know what I would love to do is I guess like all good
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movies, if we were going to a good movie, a blockbuster, we
2:53
don't want to see all rainbows and butterflies because that's
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not how an exciting movie goes. It always starts out well.
3:02
It might start out neutral, but then it gets into this
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incredible dark night of the soul.
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Or there's the challenge, and that's when the superhero comes
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through, right? Correct.
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So we're going to start off with your story because this is all
3:18
about the brain, the subconscious and the conscious
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and the way that we speak to ourself and to put some
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relevance and context into it. We are going to take you back so
3:34
that you can, I guess, look at your story from afar and tell it
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to us as that higher version of yourself today and your
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upbringing and the way that that obviously affected your life,
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but also how it impacted your life for the better.
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So you have the stage and let's go back to your family of
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origin. OK, so the neutral I was born
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and I was born to a family of two people who fell in love, my
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father and my mother. And my father unfortunately was
4:16
the monster in my life. My father unfortunately, was an
4:19
abuser and it was physical, but worse than that, it was
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emotional and verbal. So, psychological abuse.
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I do have a younger brother, we both experienced that and I
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never saw him hit my mother. But he was also very verbally
4:34
abusive towards her, who was a narcissist.
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He was controlling. And unfortunately that meant
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that nothing I did was good enough.
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I was told that I was not to be seen or heard.
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I was told that my my opinions didn't matter.
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You know, you hear the quote, don't hear from the peanut
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gallery. I was nobody.
4:58
I was taught that I was to be hidden, that everything was my
5:04
fault, that I was not worthy, that I was the cause of the
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problems in the home. For example, I was even told
5:14
many times that if my parents got a divorce, that was my
5:17
fault. And if I said that?
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Didn't even happen. So your parents didn't even get
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a divorce that you were even told just in case it's your
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fault? Exactly.
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I mean, I would be told that it was my fault and I was
5:33
questioned about it, and if I was, if I answered no, the
5:36
beating would happen. If I answered yes, it was less
5:39
severe or it would be screaming instead.
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So I accepted that everything was my fault.
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I was also told that I was the eldest in the family, myself and
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my brother, he was younger and so anything he did wrong was my
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fault, even if I wasn't around, even if I wasn't aware.
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So I definitely learned that everything was my fault, that I
6:02
was to hide, to not be seen or noticed, to take the blame for
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everything. But I had to take care of
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everybody else. People please.
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And that is what got into me. That is what I was told, That is
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what I believed and that's who I became.
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It was not a good upbringing, unfortunately.
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And I did everything I could to hide from him, from myself, from
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the world in so many ways. I mean, I just, I tried to hide
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myself in every way possible in my room.
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I didn't want people to see what I looked like.
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So I ate my feelings and I started at a really young age.
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So, you know, those were the things that I could control
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everything else in my life out of my control, so.
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Yeah, it's interesting. When I became a clinical
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hypnotherapist, one of my signature programs because you
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obviously always have to have a little bit of a signature
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program when you are becoming a specialist in this area.
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And mine just happened to be in weight management.
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So it was all about body, but really because before I was a
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clinic hypnotherapist, I became an NLP practitioner and then a
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trainer. And obviously, you know, so I
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knew the the part that you're going to open up about with the
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brain and the subconscious and how that we, you know, tell
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ourself these stories and how they come at that age, before
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the age of seven, those development years.
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But here's the interesting part. So I was always very, very, very
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focused on transformation and then being a clinical
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hypnotherapist when it came to assisting people with weight
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management. So people used to come from all
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over the place to come and get their body into order and, you
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know, trim off the excess fat and get rid of everything.
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And then I'd hit them up about their trauma when they were a
8:21
child and where their trauma actually came from.
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And they'd go, whoa, hang on a minute, Terry.
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This is not what I signed up for.
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I didn't sign up to discuss the biggest traumas of my life.
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I signed up to actually get rid of some excess kilos.
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But what I had to actually convince them is that if you
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want to do this properly, you've got to be able to go back and
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look at the reasons that you ate yourself to whatever it was,
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whether you ate yourself into sabotaging your body, whether it
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was to, you know, hide, whether it was to, you know, do whatever
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it was. But just about all of those
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habits. But it was interesting that food
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was one of them that actually came up.
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So you talk about your father really blaming you for so many
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things and what I'm really hearing.
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And of course, I know a lot of the back story, although we're
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gonna now move into the story about your mother, 'cause I'm,
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you know, I, I love looking at people's genius zones.
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I can already see the dots and how you know, and, and for the
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listeners out there, you know, the fact that you had so much
9:52
blame put on you, that would have been a big piece of the
9:57
reason that you would be a highly responsible person,
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probably too responsible. But this is where it all comes
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from. So even though it was a big
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deficit as a child, it kind of turns into your power and glory.
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But now here's the next step. We're going to talk about your
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mother, your mother's disease. And actually you might like to
10:23
just open up about that. And then you becoming her
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advocate and her guardian, and, yeah, just talk us through that
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and that very unusual disease, 'cause I hadn't heard of that
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before. Yeah, well, I will say before
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she even got sick, she became legally blind.
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She at the age of 40, and this is when I was 15 years old, she
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became, excuse me, she became legally blind with macular
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degeneration. And it was kind of the rare
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type. It's something that is known for
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elderly people to get a dry macular degeneration where your
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macula and your eye deteriorates.
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But she had the wet type where there were actually extra blood
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vessels that were bleeding. And so she lost her central
11:15
vision. So at the age of 40, she could
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no longer drive. She was a school teacher.
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She had to have people help her. She had to get a one O one aid
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and have reading, you know, assistance.
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So that made things a lot more difficult and you lose a lot of
11:30
your independence. So she was stuck at home with my
11:32
father a lot at the age of 55. She had always been told from, I
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believe it was the age of 30, that she had asthma.
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At the age of 55, she retired from teaching because her
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breathing was getting so bad and she was constantly like coughing
11:47
stuff up. And she ended up going into the
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hospital with a pneumonia and was in the hospital for 11 days.
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And nobody wants to keep somebody in the hospital for
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that long. So that tells you how sick she
12:01
really was. And by the time she came out,
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she was diagnosed with COPD, which is chronic obstructive
12:07
pulmonary disease. And in her case, that was a
12:10
combination of emphysema and chronic bronchitis.
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And that was quite shocking because COPD is a terminal
12:23
illness. And what you have to do is you
12:25
have to maintain health. So anytime you get a cough,
12:31
Siffles, anything, you have to get right on that.
12:34
Your physician get taken care of because what happens is you
12:38
develop scarring in your lungs and the scarring cannot be
12:42
removed. And so the more scarring you
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have, the less, the less lung capacity you have more
12:49
difficulty you have breathing. And so she ended up on oxygen.
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At the age of 65, she was able to get a lung transplant.
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Now getting there was quite a road because she was very, very,
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very strong willed and stubborn and independent, even though she
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couldn't drive, even though she had to depend on others to help
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help her. And that was one of the main
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reasons she stayed with my father was because she felt that
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she was a burden to others. They did split up for a very
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short time and family offered help, but she refused to accept
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that help. And so unfortunately she stayed
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with him. And as we all know, cortisol is
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a very bad thing. That's stress hormone.
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And I truly believe that's part of what ended up causing her to
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get so I'll, but that's a whole other discussion.
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So yes, fortunately, I was able to convince her to get a second
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opinion. Finally, after she had had two
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hospitalizations that did not help her in any way.
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She was on 6 liters of oxygen. It would take her half an hour
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to walk just, you know, not very far from my kitchen to my, you
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know. And so I finally got her in my
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truck one day. And I said, all right, she was
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still living with my father but had been visiting with me.
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And I said, all right, you're getting in my truck and we're
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going to the hospital. And she was very stubborn about
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it. And I said, no, we're going to
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the hospital and we're going to one of the hospitals in Boston
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because she wouldn't get that second opinion because she
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didn't want to offend her doctor.
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And I said, hey, doctor worth their wait is going to encourage
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you to get that second opinion if it's something that you want.
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But did end up going to the hospital.
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And in the hospital, they did actually say that she was an
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excellent candidate for a lung transplant.
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And she walked out feeling like a new woman.
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They had her down to one liter of oxygen.
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She wasn't constantly coughing stuff up.
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And she was like, I, I know this isn't real, but this feels
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amazing. And I said it is real.
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So unfortunately, you know, if we had gotten her in sooner, I
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think that that would have helped her.
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You can't go back. So what you do is you work
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forward with what you have. And so she did get that lung
15:09
transplant. And from the lung transplant,
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some beautiful things happened in life.
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But I was able to get more time with her.
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My sons, who are now 23 and 19, were able to get more time with
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her. They remember her because of it,
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because when she did pass at 69, she, you know, they were 10 and
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14. So they got they know her, they
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remember her. We have covered.
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And I mean, that's so young really.
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And as I'm listening to your story, what I'm also getting is
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that, you know, there are so many treasured moments here.
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And this is, this is the sort of thing that you know, the greats
15:52
like you're going to move in to talking about the, the brain
15:56
and, and the relevance of, of how many of these things from
16:02
your childhood impacted the way you felt about yourself.
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However, there are always, there are always gold Nuggets.
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And so for example, this turns you into a very, very strong
16:17
advocate. It turns you into a guardian, a
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carer. But I can also hear that it was
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also able to give you a very, very special quality of time
16:31
with your mother that even your children were old enough to to
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remember. So you then you obviously your
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mother passed and she was quite young and then you, that's when
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you became a coach and that's when you really became an
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ambassador. I wanna say even more.
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So an ambassador for the fact that we don't have to listen to
17:02
those BS beliefs, correct? Those BS beliefs that have been
17:09
etched into your brain. So I guess without sugar coating
17:15
this, let's talk brain science first straight up, and then
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let's talk about how we have, you know, we've got two parts to
17:27
the brain predominantly being the subconscious and the
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conscious. And you know how really we're
17:37
only using a certain percentage of our brain and how to be aware
17:43
and tap into that. So over to you gorgeous Heather.
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OK, so the brain, yes, we have the conscious and the
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unconscious or subconscious and a lot of times we use those
17:56
terms interchangeably. Basically, your conscious brain
18:01
is where you have your rational thoughts where you can make
18:05
decisions. But even though we think that
18:08
we're conscious all the time, it's only 5% of our brain is in
18:13
that conscious realm. So 95% is you're unconscious,
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That's what's driving you. That's where your belief systems
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are. That is what is driving you,
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whether you know it or not. And so a lot of things are on
18:30
autopilot. Think of when you go to drive
18:32
somewhere and you're kind of distracted a little bit and you
18:35
end up where you want to go. You're at your destination, but
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you don't even remember. Oh my God, I don't remember the
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last five minutes or so of driving.
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And so that's what it is. It's your subconscious.
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Is the autopilot the thing you do regularly think of?
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You know, when you take a shower, do you actually sit
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there and think to yourself, OK, now I'm going to pick up the
18:56
soap and do this. Now I'm going to wash my hair.
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Here's the shampoo. No, you do things on autopilot.
19:03
You're standing there singing in the shower or thinking about
19:06
something and you're doing it. And if you happen to get
19:10
distracted and forget a part of it, you may not do that part
19:14
because it's just such a or you might go, wait, where was I in
19:17
my routine? So you're on autopilot and that
19:21
is what's driving you. So that's where you're limiting
19:23
beliefs lie. So, you know, when you are doing
19:28
these things or you're saying, you know, somebody asked me once
19:31
if you want to go to this concert, I was about 25 years
19:34
old. And I said, no, I can't.
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I didn't even think. I just responded.
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And all of a sudden it was like a brick hit me in the face.
19:43
And I was like, what did I just say?
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Because here I am 25 years old. I make my own money, I have an
19:49
apartment, I'm married. Why can't I go?
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I can't go because that was what my limiting beliefs told me.
19:56
I can't. It was.
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Automatic though, wasn't it? It's, it's, that's the thing.
20:01
I mean our subconscious, as you were saying to me backstage is
20:06
running the show 95% of the time.
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So the conscious is only getting a look in, you know, 5%.
20:13
And so since that is the case. Then if the subconscious is
20:19
running the show and running our brain, how does the reticular
20:25
activating system come into play?
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I know it acts like a little bit of a bouncer at the door of
20:32
awareness where it's, it's squatting the match and Oh no,
20:36
you can't come in and Oh yes, you can come in.
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You're wearing the right clothes.
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But would you like to talk to us about how that reticular
20:47
activating system does actually operate?
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Because awareness is absolutely everything.
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Absolutely. And so I always say you don't
20:59
know what you don't know. And so our conscious brain can
21:03
accept information and can reject information, but our
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subconscious that's running 9095% of your life is unable to
21:13
reject. So it just takes in everything
21:16
you feed it, right. So that particular activating
21:19
system part of your brain, when you tell yourself something such
21:23
as I'm a good person, it takes that in and it acts like a
21:29
filter to find proof of what you've given it, what you've fed
21:35
it. So you're feeding your brain
21:37
information and though our brain is amazing and capable of so
21:43
much, our brain is also not our friend.
21:45
I was taught that and IA 100% believe it because what it is,
21:50
is it's trying to keep you alive.
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That's what it's trying to do. It's not trying to be your
21:55
friend and help you feel good. You have to do that for
21:59
yourself. So you have to own your
22:01
thoughts. So what you're feeding your
22:04
brain and what I fed my brain for years, that was I'm not
22:08
worthy. I'm a piece of crap.
22:11
Nobody's ever going to love me. I have to make everybody happy
22:14
or I'm not worth anything. I can't.
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I can't. I can't.
22:19
And so I kept feeding it that. And so my thoughts were so
22:22
negative. What I realized is you have to
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feed it positive things, and it might take time to get there to
22:30
do that automatically. It's like building a habit,
22:32
right? Takes time.
22:34
But when you start feeding it the positive things, then your
22:38
brain is accepting that in and looking to validate that for
22:42
you. So an example of you are a woman
22:47
who got pregnant and you're so excited about your pregnancy and
22:51
all of a sudden everybody seems pregnant.
22:54
Everywhere you look is pregnant women and babies and young
22:57
children. It's not because everybody got
23:00
pregnant overnight. It's because that's what's in
23:05
your brain. That's why it's on top of your
23:06
mind, because it's in there because you're thinking about
23:10
it. And so you're seeing anybody out
23:13
there who's pregnant. It's quite the law.
23:14
Of attraction, isn't it really when you think about it like
23:18
you're putting something out there, you're thinking about it
23:21
and next thing you know you're manifesting it and you're
23:23
calling it in and then you're you know that's all becoming,
23:27
you know, such a a huge part Yep.
23:31
So that's, that's, that's really interesting.
23:35
They called it gestalt. You know where they're OK.
23:38
You, you're looking, you're in the market to buy a car, you're
23:41
going to buy a Porsche. You know, they're as rare as
23:44
hen's teeth. But all of a sudden you can see
23:47
Porsches everywhere. You know, the brain is very
23:51
interesting, but I love the fact that you say your, your brain is
23:54
not your friend. So I think that's that's
23:57
probably a, a bit of a, a ruthless truth that we have to
24:02
face up to because, you know, if we think anything else, we might
24:07
believe all of the monkey mind BS stuff that does go on.
24:13
And when we can say, well, hang on a minute.
24:15
No, no, it's here and it's operating an autopilot.
24:19
It's keeping us alive. That's what it's doing.
24:23
You know, what am I thinking anyway?
24:26
Is it actually true or am I actually, you know how you you
24:30
hear of relationship breakdowns and the fact is that they're
24:35
having an argument, a husband and wife, but there's been a
24:39
trigger and the trigger has come from the person of their past.
24:45
It may have been their parent. It may have been an ex
24:49
narcissist that abused them, but something triggered them and
24:55
that subconscious kind of kicked in and then causes all this
25:00
havoc. So I'm very grateful that you
25:02
will be sharing something very powerful soon at the end of the
25:06
show. So let's move now to energy
25:11
because energy doesn't lie. You know, I mean animals pick up
25:15
on energy right? They can tell women and you
25:20
know, people that have even got dementia that may seem like they
25:27
are non compass and have have no reality.
25:33
They are picking up on energy. I, I, I'm seeing this first
25:37
hand. So can you talk us through that
25:41
element of energy and how that comes into play even with
25:46
manifestation and what you understand about it?
25:50
Sure. Energy is everything is energy.
25:53
Everybody, everything. We're all made-up of atoms.
25:57
There's always that electric motion going on.
26:03
And so your energy is not just, you know, if you feel energetic
26:09
and like you want to work out or go for a walk or go for a run,
26:12
but it's also your emotional energy and your, your body feeds
26:18
off of that energy that you're feeling.
26:21
So for example, you can walk into a party or a room and you
26:26
can feel the energy in the room. And so when I was in a really
26:31
negative place in my life, and I'm talking like unfortunately I
26:36
had suicidal ideation when I was younger, I was always in a low.
26:43
I had no energy physically, mentally, I didn't want to do
26:48
anything. I wanted to stay in my house, I
26:50
wanted to stay in bed. And I energetically pushed
26:53
people out of my life, people that I loved out of my life
26:57
because they fed off of the energy.
27:00
So the energy that you're feeling, there's that emotional
27:02
vibrational scale. And if you're low, low on that,
27:06
the energy that you're putting out into the universe, into your
27:11
relationships, into everything, and people feel that.
27:16
And so I unfortunately push people away with my negative
27:19
self talk with my kind of moping, with not wanting to do
27:23
anything with, you know, breaking plans because I wasn't
27:28
up for it. And when you start to change
27:31
your energy and start to feel something different, which is so
27:34
important with, you know, feeding that reticular
27:37
activating system with something more positive, you start to
27:40
vibrationally change. You start to have a different
27:44
energy. And so think of one day when you
27:47
wake up and you feel sick and another day you wake up and you
27:50
feel amazing, the energy that you have because of how you're
27:54
feeling, you're vibrating in a different level.
27:57
And so I have definitely found that the people that I surround
28:01
myself with now who are on that same energy level as me, if we
28:07
bring each other up, when you're on a higher vibration, you
28:10
attract that law of vibration and attraction.
28:14
You're attracting the same energy that you're putting out.
28:18
So you can even feel like virtually we're talking and we
28:23
can feel each other's energy. But also, if you type something
28:26
up and put it out there on social media and you're in a
28:29
really dark, negative place, that energy goes with what
28:33
you're putting out there and people can so.
28:37
True, So true. And and so they say that you are
28:41
the sum of the five people you hang around with the most.
28:46
And that goes for your health, your money, your finances.
28:50
I mean, Jim Rohn taught that to Anthony Robbins.
28:54
And you know, this is so important that, you know, like
29:00
does actually attract like. So it's so important what you
29:05
are thinking. And as I did say, Heather is
29:10
going to share something that's going to help you flip that.
29:14
OK. So that's going to be something
29:17
that's going to come up very, very soon.
29:20
So of course you've got the experience, you've got the brain
29:24
science and you understand the energy component of this.
29:30
And, you know, you also understand that when you're
29:35
taking your people through their, you know, their
29:40
transformation so that you can help them to firstly identify
29:47
why they're doing what they're doing, You know, why their life
29:51
is, is going downhill. Because people don't really
29:55
understand in layman's terms, that what is going on in their
30:01
life today is as a result of history, correct?
30:05
It's actually history repeating itself.
30:08
It's the energy that's following them.
30:11
And so the sooner that they can break away from that energy of
30:16
their past and, you know, just completely separate that that's
30:23
when magic happens. So you also are a great believer
30:29
in, you know, flipping the the fight flight into the Paris
30:34
parasympathetic calm, beautiful way of thinking and feeling.
30:40
So can you talk to us through that?
30:42
What kind of techniques do you do to get people to flip that
30:48
switch from fight flight into the parasympathetic calm state
30:55
of mind? Sure.
30:57
So first and foremost, when you're not feel it, our emotions
31:04
can drive us and those emotions are lying in our subconscious.
31:10
So what we have to do is take control of that.
31:12
And the very first thing that I think of always is deep
31:15
breathing, because when you're in fight, fight, fight, flight
31:19
or freeze mode, which is the sympathetic nervous system, you,
31:25
you, you're, you're filling up with cortisol, which is really
31:29
good if you're in a dangerous situation, but really bad if
31:33
you're just living your life in that mode.
31:36
And unfortunately in this time and age, a lot of people are
31:39
because of stress, so many stressors, you know, family,
31:42
work, so many obligations. And so deep breathing can help
31:48
set you into the parasympathetic sympathetic mode.
31:52
So I always, when I feel that I'm stressed, I always go to
31:55
some deep breathing techniques. And I like to do that with my
31:59
clients to help get them into a place where they're not anxious
32:04
and they can settle into their body and not be judging
32:07
themselves and super anxious in the whole situation.
32:10
And then the next thing that I think is really important is
32:15
starting to become aware, because you don't know what you
32:18
don't know and you can't change something if you don't know that
32:21
it may need to change. So we go through a life wheel
32:28
and in the life wheel, we basically come up with six to
32:30
eight different areas in their life that we can sit down and
32:34
look at. So maybe relationships, job,
32:37
spirituality, different things like that and rate it on a scale
32:42
of zero to 10 of where they are, where they feel they are, their
32:46
perception of where they are in terms of their happiness with
32:49
it. And so give a good idea overall
32:53
of the different areas that somebody might feel they need
32:56
help in. And it's bring that awareness.
33:00
And from there, we can sit and I can ask a lot of, you know,
33:05
probing questions to help figure out where it is because I think
33:10
our body knows and our mind knows, but we don't always
33:13
access that because we're in so many situations of anxiety
33:18
provoking. And I have to get this done.
33:20
And my To Do List is 3 pages long.
33:22
And you need to be able to bring yourself down to be able to look
33:27
at that and examine it from your own perspective and really be
33:31
honest with yourself. And from, you know, when you
33:33
have that awareness, then we can start working on changing those
33:36
beliefs and understanding where they come from and how we can
33:40
rewrite stories and reframe things so that you can then take
33:44
steps to live a happier life because you've you start making
33:49
changes. That is amazing.
33:53
If you guys are looking to really blow those BS belief
34:00
systems out of the water, you can go to the show notes and
34:04
look up this beautiful lady, Heather McNally, who will help
34:09
you to transform your life. So she'll take you through the
34:14
life wheel and help you to really rate where you're at in
34:19
your health, your love, your family, your friendship, your
34:24
career, your money, your fun, your growth, your spirituality.
34:29
And then she'll look for the area where you are really
34:34
declined and where you need to rise.
34:38
And this is going to be such an incredible experience.
34:43
So please get in contact with Heather and let's stay tuned
34:49
because the best of the show is yet to come.
34:53
So Heather, I just want to say, you know, you've spoken to us so
34:58
much about your own story. You've spoken to to us about
35:03
your mum's very unusual disease. And also the fact that, OK, this
35:09
is just a little bit of the missing link that I want to
35:12
bring together here for the show.
35:13
Because being the Genius Zone, you stepped into the role of the
35:19
advocate and the guardian and converted into becoming this
35:25
incredible transformation coach, breakthrough coach.
35:29
So having done that, I, I believe that in itself is a
35:35
testimonial to anyone out there listening that it doesn't matter
35:40
what you've gone through, it doesn't matter what you are
35:44
going through right now. You can learn from Heather
35:48
exactly how to really tap in and turn that around.
35:53
And, you know, let's talk about now where you did make that
36:00
initial big, I guess that big shift in your own life.
36:06
And I would really love to honor that promise of the happiness
36:13
and the fulfilment that you found through building your life
36:19
brick by brick, breath by breath, belief by belief.
36:24
And, you know, you have a system that is going to help, you know,
36:31
really interrupt that old pattern and install new ones.
36:37
But let's start with the one that changed your life.
36:41
Would you like to just take us through this beautiful
36:46
methodology of what changed your life?
36:50
Sure. So I will say when I was young I
36:53
was miserable, but I didn't know why.
36:55
And when I was a senior in high school, I went to my mom.
36:59
So I'm 17 years old and I knew I was going to college and where I
37:04
was going and everything, but I went to my mom and a really bad
37:07
day where I was really, really in a depression.
37:10
And I'm crying. And I said to her, I don't know
37:13
how I can do this anymore. I just can't.
37:15
And her response killed me and really started everything for
37:20
me. And her response was, well, you
37:23
have one year left. You're going to college.
37:26
I have the rest of my life. Wow.
37:29
Like goosebumps. I get goosebumps every time I
37:32
think of it. And that devastated me because
37:36
it was, I guess, a realization without completely understanding
37:40
because I was only 17, that she had made a choice to be unhappy
37:47
and I didn't want that. And it was desperation for me.
37:50
And so Fast forward all those years later and I'm taking care
37:55
of my mom and, you know, she couldn't drive.
37:58
So I was the one who practically weekly took her into Boston to
38:02
see her doctor, which was a 30 mile drive and 30 miles, but
38:07
usually an hour and a half to two hour drive just to get
38:10
there. And so in all the time that I
38:13
was taking care of her, I started to understand the
38:17
strength that I had because of having to, because I needed to
38:24
be there for her and help her and take care of her.
38:26
So I went to every doctor's appointment with her.
38:29
I went to do her medication for her all the time because like I
38:32
said, she was legally blind, so she couldn't really read what
38:37
medications there were. So I filled her medication every
38:39
week. We went to lunch together.
38:41
I did everything with her. My mom was my best friend.
38:44
She was my mom and she was my patient for years.
38:49
And this started all before she had her lung transplant and
38:54
until the end where she lived four years and four months post
38:57
op and passed at 69. And through all of this, I
39:03
learned so much about taking care of somebody physically and
39:07
emotionally, taking care of their medication.
39:11
I learned about her strength and her independence and her
39:14
fierceness. I learned that I was also pretty
39:18
fierce and pretty independent and strong.
39:21
And I learned that I could find anything if I put my mind to it.
39:25
I could do anything if I put my mind to it.
39:28
I became her voice and her advocate because there were
39:30
times that she was physically weak, times that she mentally
39:35
would be on a medication that wasn't agreeing with her.
39:38
And so I had to communicate with her transplant team.
39:42
And what developed was a beautiful relationship with them
39:46
and that they understood. And this is something that a lot
39:49
of people need to know is that you can advocate for somebody
39:54
that you know well because you know that person better than
39:59
their team does, better than the nurse or the doctor.
40:02
And so that's something I actually learned when I was
40:06
younger working in a hospital that a nurse said to me once,
40:10
listen to the parent. The parent knows better, that
40:13
child better. And so with my mom, I was able
40:16
to advocate for her. And I started to understand a
40:19
lot about grace, a lot about choice even more.
40:24
And in the end, I was my mom's advocate, but I was also her,
40:30
what we call her healthcare proxy.
40:32
So, yeah, her guardian. I was the person who could make
40:34
medical decisions for her if she was unable to.
40:38
And the beautiful thing is she was able to make her decision to
40:41
stop her treatments because of a plethora of things that were
40:46
going on with her body physically, that it was, you
40:50
know, there was no kind of real going forward.
40:57
She knew that. She figured that out.
40:59
And my mom was fiercely independent.
41:01
And at the end, when she started to ask me if I could spend the
41:04
night with her, I knew that, you know, this is something that I
41:08
will do for her because I, I need it.
41:11
She needs it and I want to do it.
41:14
And so we had my husband taking care of our young children.
41:18
I was in the hospital with her and in the Hospice with her.
41:22
And so I saw that power of choice.
41:25
She had come to her conclusion that this is what is right for
41:29
me. And she was able to make that
41:32
choice. So seeing all this and being
41:35
able to advocate for her and help her through this and seeing
41:38
her strength built my strength and my resilience and my and
41:42
determination. And so that was where I thought,
41:46
there are so many lessons I've learned through this of what I
41:49
want, what I don't want, who I want to be.
41:53
And I'm realizing that this is not information that everybody
41:58
has. That growing up this way and
42:01
being able to change yourself from a miserable, miserable,
42:05
hating yourself, being suicidal to a person that is strong and
42:11
independent and fierce and can advocate for somebody else.
42:15
And I have a voice and I have a message.
42:18
All of it taught me. And the catalyst was definitely
42:21
seeing her make this decision for herself to think nobody now,
42:28
why not me? Why not stand up and say what I
42:32
have as a message in my life that I've learned that can help
42:36
the younger me, that can help somebody else who's in the same
42:39
place and doesn't know how to get out of their own way?
42:42
Because so many times I didn't know how to get out of my own
42:45
way. I think, I think you and I need
42:47
to do a master class on this about advocation and
42:51
guardianship and using your voice because I might my story.
42:56
I'm just, you're just bringing up all this stuff in me right
42:59
now. And I'm, I'm an advocate at the
43:02
moment. I'm going through the fire, I'm
43:05
going through the trenches and I'm, I'm having to have a very,
43:10
very strong voice. And yeah, so stay tuned,
43:14
everyone. But now you're going to get
43:17
exactly what we promised, which is, you know, the 1st.
43:23
And I always say that, you know, sometimes the very first thing
43:27
that transforms our lives is quite often fundamentally a
43:34
foundation that is rock solid. And for you, it was something
43:41
you did going to bed every night.
43:43
And this is concluding our show. But this is what I know is going
43:50
to be a game changer for so many people.
43:53
So take us through that, Heather.
43:55
OK, yeah, it was a game changer for me, Absolutely.
43:59
When I was young, I used to watch Oprah all the time when
44:02
she had her TV show and she started talking about gratitude
44:07
long before it became this big buzzword.
44:11
And she said something that I, I'm totally not quoting her
44:16
because it was so long ago. But it stuck with me that she
44:19
said something to the effect of go to bed every night and think
44:23
about three things that you're grateful for and something
44:26
you're looking forward to in your life.
44:28
And so like anything, you have to develop that habit, right?
44:32
Because I was miserable. I would go to bed angry.
44:35
I didn't sleep well. I, it took me hours to fall
44:38
asleep because I had everything rolling through my head.
44:41
I was angry, I was upset. Nothing went right.
44:44
Why? Why always me?
44:47
And then I started, I heard her. I found it very profound.
44:51
And I said, I'm going to go to bed and think about this.
44:54
So what I would do is go to bed and I would think about now this
44:58
is when I had had my first child and so he was very young and I
45:05
would go to bed and I would think to myself, OK, I am
45:08
grateful for and I just pick anything.
45:11
I'm grateful for my husband, I'm grateful for my son.
45:14
I'm grateful that we have this home, anything it could be.
45:18
I'm grateful that today I got to go out and meet a friend,
45:22
anything at all. And then something I'm looking
45:26
forward to. And so it might be I can't wait
45:28
to see my baby in the morning. It could be anything.
45:31
It could be I can't wait for my cup of coffee.
45:33
I can't wait to see the Hummingbird, the Hummingbird
45:35
feeder. It doesn't matter what it is,
45:38
something you're looking forward to, it doesn't need to be.
45:41
I'm going on vacation. You know, it can be something
45:44
very simple. My morning routine, my morning
45:48
coffee, whatever. And so I started doing this.
45:52
Three things I'm grateful for, one thing I'm looking forward
45:55
to. And I will say that there were
45:57
times that I had to, you know, laying in bed and I'm getting
46:01
angry about something that had happened or I'm blaming myself
46:04
for something. And then I'd stop and I'd say
46:07
three things I'm grateful for and one thing I'm looking
46:10
forward to. And so over time, you develop
46:13
that habit and you start to look forward to thinking about that.
46:19
And it got to the point where, you know, I'm not like, woo Hoo,
46:22
I can't wait to go to bed in the middle of the day, but later in
46:26
the day. And it's, oh, I am looking
46:28
forward to thinking about these things.
46:31
And I found myself getting in bed excited and happy.
46:34
And then I realized that instead of falling asleep after three
46:38
hours, I was falling asleep a lot sooner.
46:41
I was sleeping better. I was waking up in a better
46:44
mood. I mean, I would wake up and be
46:46
miserable, angry, wanting to alarm clock at that time before
46:51
phones across the room, you know, all of it.
46:55
And I think everybody can relate to that at some point, whether
46:58
if they didn't sleep well or whatever.
47:00
But if you're going to bed in a bad mood, you're having
47:03
difficulty. Wake up in a bad mood.
47:05
Not miserable. I started noticing I was excited
47:09
to go to bed. I slept better, I fell asleep
47:12
faster and I'd wake up in such a such a different place.
47:16
I was actually finding myself singing in the shower.
47:20
Now I was in the shower miserable, and that was the
47:28
beginning of a huge transformation because it
47:31
literally just thinking about those things changed my life.
47:36
Because your sleep is so incredibly important for your
47:39
body, but also more so your brain and your mood all day.
47:46
It changed my life. I absolutely love that.
47:52
So guys, if you heard what Heather just said, what was the
47:56
big game changer? You know, how easy is it?
48:00
But if you can start that particular habit of going to bed
48:06
and three things that you're grateful for, it could be the
48:09
blue sky, it could be your cat, it could be, as Heather said,
48:13
the morning coffee you're going to have.
48:15
And then something you're looking forward to in your
48:20
future because that's going to reset your brain.
48:24
That is going to set you up so that not only do you have a good
48:28
sleep, but you wake up with a much better mindset.
48:34
Heather, I just want to thank you so much and I'm going to ask
48:37
you the question. I ask every single person that
48:39
comes on the show. If there was one thing and it
48:43
might be a repeat of something you've already said or something
48:47
you haven't said a a sentence that you would like to share
48:53
with the person out there that is praying for your service and
48:59
they really need you so that they can stop the BS and have
49:04
their breakthrough, what would you say to them?
49:09
I would say when you're in an emotional state, stop and
49:14
breathe and then start to become aware because awareness is the
49:20
key to changing. You can't change anything in
49:24
your life if you don't realize what it is.
49:27
So stop, breathe and be, think. Let yourself be really honest
49:33
with yourself of what it is that you would like to see in your
49:37
life, and you can make that happen.
49:40
That is amazing. So guys, check out the show
49:45
notes. All of Heather's contact details
49:49
are there. So getting contact change your
49:52
life, Heather, it's been an absolute pleasure.
49:55
I think that we've got big work to do together.
49:58
After that story that you've shared and my story that I
50:02
haven't shared with you yet, I think that there's all the the
50:07
the best is yet to come. So thank you so much for the
50:10
golden Nuggets you've shared. Oh, thank you so much.
50:13
This has been an honor and it's been a fantastic conversation.
50:17
I just appreciate this so much. Thank you.