Latest / Soul Salon with Ayandastood / You can't be LOVED without being JUDGED — the sacred exchange legends make

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You can't be LOVED without being JUDGED — the sacred exchange legends make · Soul Salon with Ayandastood

• 0:00
  You are too powerful to allow the fear of judgment to stop you. Is God judged? Ask that question. I can't control. I have that part of my spirit. I have to be aware of it. Witnessing people in their greatness is a gift. There is a cosmic resonance with you and doing something big in this life. A legend has stories told about them that they would not have chosen to be told.
• 0:21
  The most generous thing we could do is actually allow ourselves to be judged. There's something within you that has been dampened and repressed. From expressing your true purpose in this lifetime, we made our soul light, knowable, touchable, tasteable. In order to embody something, you have to be embarrassed in it first. Embarrassment to embodiment. We see the world through the lens of our own ego and focus. People do judge other people, especially people who...
• 0:59
  You are too powerful and too magical to allow the fear of judgment to stop you from expressing your true purpose in this lifetime. One of the biggest self-sabotaging blocks that so many of us carry conditioned from childhood is to live a life that is smaller than what we have come here to live because of the fear of judgment.
• 1:20
  Now, this is a universal source of shame, a source of fear, and of course, is tied to our survival. But what I think is so important to reclaim and to really paradigm shift is instead of avoiding judgment, to actually see it as an inevitability. Now, what I noticed when it comes to judgment is that there can be this cultural avoidance by people saying things like,
• 1:41
  oh no, no, no one is judging you. They only care about themselves. And this is true. This is called the spotlight effect in psychology, where basically we see the world through the lens of our own ego and focus, but everyone else has the same spotlight on them. So when you go to a dinner and afterwards you're worried about what you said and how you came across, most people are just worrying about themselves. This is true. So we know this has been studied. This has been, you know, researched. But babes, we want to take it a little bit of a step further because what we also know
• 2:11
  We know that people do judge other people, especially people who color outside the lines of what society has told us we're allowed to be. And you came here to do that. You came here to express something that breaks the rules. Like you are a cycle breaker, a paradigm shifter. You are a path shifter.
• 2:28
  And so necessarily, because it's like the forest has all these trees and there's the path that society tells us to walk down and you are not the kind of spirit that is just going to walk down that path. You're going to forge your own path. You're going to break branches and leaves. And actually, by you doing that, you're going to make the path clearer for other people to find their own. But in that path clearing, one of the polarities that we're invited to accept is that people will judge us.
• 2:54
  So rather than saying, oh, no one is judging you, I prefer instead of avoidance, acceptance. So we're shifting from avoiding the concept that we may be judged to accepting judgment. Why would we do that? Like, what is the point of accepting judgment? It's because we're legends. OK, because you are a legend. Now, I've been thinking about this so much. I'm currently reading Nina Simone's biography.
• 3:16
  And I've been thinking about what it means to be a legend. And it's in the word itself. It's about a story, an iconic story about a person that spreads like wildfire from person to person that you cannot keep to yourself. There is something about this person that is contagious. Like we cannot stop talking about them. We cannot stop telling stories about this person that's contagious.
• 3:37
  Because they're a legend. So we know that legend is also the word for like a story. Like there's a legend that says that if you walk towards the mountains and you howl twice, you know, that's a legend. But then there's also a legend in the sense of like Nelson Mandela or Rosa Parks or there's music legends. So many of them, Lady, like so many of them, Beyonce, Bonaboy, Lady Gaga, like Bad Bunny. These are legends. But we have to ask ourselves what makes them a legend. Okay. Okay.
• 4:05
  And do we have that in ourselves? And I want you to tap into the fact that, yes, you do. But part of what a legend does is accept that you cannot only have a legend who has good stories told about them. They don't exist. Like even someone you would think, oh, my gosh, they're objectively so incredible. Actually, the ultimate example of this is God is the infinite because is God judged?
• 4:26
  Absolutely. Look around. You know what I mean? We can't even decide like we all have different. God is so judged that it creates. I mean, in terms of believing in a higher power is judged, who the higher power is, is judged. What the higher power would have looked like is judged. There's so much judgment surrounding literally everyone. I cannot say a name and we and not have us think of stories that are examples of how that person is judged. OK.
• 4:50
  Like I remember when I used to think that Gandhi was this like objectively brilliant figure come to find out he was super anti-black and racist. Like everyone has, you know, their polarities now. Anyways, I'm not going to go down that hole. So anyways, so what we want to talk about on this, babes, and we're tapping into a cozy chat energy just so I can contextualize where we are.
• 5:10
  because we have people in the Soul Salon who are new, who've never been here before. And then we have people who are ride or dies. Actually, why do we use that word die? I'm trying to not use the word die. Then we have people who have been part of this energy and collective for months, if not years.
• 5:25
  So with that, I just want to tap into the fact that we have moved to London. OK, we've moved to London. We've been all over. This work has traveled and we are stepping into the next energy of this space. And the space is all of us. So I want to invite you to step into this legendary energy, which holds this greater capacity to hold projection.
• 5:45
  to hold the fact that people may say A, B or C about me. And I accept that because I love what I've come here to do, express, become so much, so much that I will not allow what people may or may not say. And in fact, some people will say to stop me from that devotion to my calling. It's almost like your dream is like your lover. And don't we all want a lover who's like proud to hold our hand and show us off in the street? Or do we want the lover who's ashamed of us? Who's like, I love you, but in private, like I love you, but not.
• 6:14
  If people say negative things about us as a couple. No, we want someone who unapologetically, unconditionally is so backing us and stepping with us in this pride energy of like showing us off and being so just like, that's my person. That's my woman. That's my individual. That's my man, whoever it may be. Like, that's what we want. That's what our dream wants from us. So when you're in a room, you know, there can be a tendency to shrink from your dream.
• 6:38
  But your dream wants you to be, I always say this, the proud mom watching you on stage with the most audacious and actually like, what's the word? What's the word I'm looking for? With the most bold and almost like bursting out of you energy. I can't find the word, but it will find me. Like that energy of like, oh my word, you're doing too much.
• 6:58
  This mother, I mean, there are other children in the room, but like this mother is writing so hard for her child. That's what our dreams want from us. Not the version of us who's shrinking, not the version of us who's, oh, I'm too afraid to ask a question because what if it's a stupid question? Ask that question. What if your dream needed you to ask that question?
• 7:14
  OK, so there are so many miniature moments, you know, I think with judgment, sometimes we imagine this big moment of judgment. But actually, it's like often these tiny little moments of judgment. So there's the judgment of when you tell people, what do you do? There's always this question that kind of devastates me. I'm like, please don't ask me that. I just don't want to talk about it.
• 7:33
  And then there can be the feeling of, okay, so then they're judging what you do. Then you tell them what you do. Then they're like, oh, what's your podcast name? Or what do you write? Or what's your book called? Then there's another confrontation of judgment where they may be judging your social media presence or they may be judging your energy. Everyone is confronting this feeling of judgment at all times. Right.
• 7:51
  So there are all these miniature moments of judgment, for example. Okay. So I'm in a studio. I do not own the studio. It's not my studio. So I come into the studio and I meet this incredible sound engineer or the, what do you call it? The person who facilitates this, let's call it an engineer. And in my mind, I'm like, oh my word. What if it like, it's just me and this person watching this first before you, what if they're judging me?
• 8:13
  So the judgment doesn't stop. The judgment doesn't. You could be in your dream city. You could be living your dream life. But the judgment doesn't stop. Okay. It's not something you just you just transcend. And now you're flying high and no one's judging you. You don't fear judgment. Like there are miniature moments of confronting what other people may think of us at every step of the way. But we're going to give ourselves that pep talk and say, I'm not going to allow that to stop me. And you know what's so funny about judgment is it has its own polarity. In order for people to come to love you.
• 8:42
  You have to allow some people to come to judge you. Love is also a kind of judgment. You could watch someone's video, listen to their music, be like, wow, I love this. I love how they do. I love I love Ray, for example, the singer Ray. I love her. But like it's kind of I am listening to her music and then I'm making a positive judgment. I'm saying, oh, my word, I love her. I love her.
• 9:02
  I love her audacity. I love her voice. I love her commitment to her craft. I love her energy. I love that she's gone through this whole journey and she insisted on her music and her incredible stage presence. And I love the way that she performs and her attitude and the diva energy. I love it.
• 9:19
  And I love the soulfulness and sort of how she's very connected to this history of like she has the three backup dances. I love it. I love it. But isn't that kind of a judgment? Isn't it like I'm judging her well? I'm saying, oh my word, I love these things about her. I'm making a judgment call, but it's just in the direction of love. Yeah.
• 9:36
  So she can't have people judge her in the direction of love if she's not willing to have people judge her in the opposite direction. Or she wouldn't make any music if she was like, no one can not like this. So you know what I mean? So we deserve to experience people who really resonate with us. And the cast, I don't like this word, the sacred exchange...
• 9:55
  for that the exchange like everything has a sort of you know an energy to it what are you willing to give to receive i'm going through that right now with my voice where i have to go on this elimination diet which sounds like hell why would i want to eliminate i want to add if anything i don't want to eliminate i have to like eliminate all these things and i'm already i have food allergies and i'm already a vegetarian i'm like i don't know what i'm going to do with that i'm going to do with that
• 10:14
  don't need more elimination. I need more addition. But they're making me do it. I mean, this is what spirit has called me to do is see if I'm allergic to any of the foods or like have sensitivities to any of the foods that I eat on a regular basis. So it's like there's a sacred exchange. I need to give up certain foods temporarily, hopefully not forever, because then that's a whole other story. And maybe, you know, maybe that sacred exchange was not sacred enough. But I'm like,
• 10:39
  I need to be willing to give that up in order to receive what I ultimately want, which is healing and recovery. So there may be you want intimacy in a relationship. That's what you want to get. We all thinking, we're moving around like, what do I want to receive from this room? What do I want to get? I want to get visibility. I want to get...
• 10:57
  A record deal. Or I want to get. I'm not talking about myself. But I want to get opportunities to speak. But the universe is always going to ask us. What are you willing to do? You know what I mean? It's always going to be asking you. It's always going to be asking you. What are you willing to give? And one of the things that legends do. Is they are willing to give up the need to be understood or liked. And.
• 11:19
  In order to be what? Understood and liked. It's so funny, right? It's very ironic. Like, it's so funny that what your ego wants most and what your ego fears most are directly intrinsically connected. It's like you want to go to the adoption agency and they only have twins available. And they're like,
• 11:36
  And you're like, no, but I only want the one twin. And they're like, babes, it's a package deal. You have to have both. So your ego maybe wants people to resonate, to be like, oh my word, have you seen her? Have you seen him? Have you listened to him? Have you listened to them? Have you experienced their writing, their music, their energy? Oh my God, they're amazing. So your ego only wants that, like the applause.
• 11:56
  We love them. We love her. We love him. What your ego doesn't want is the embarrassment. It doesn't want to be embarrassed. It doesn't want anyone to say, oh my God, she can't sing, right? I have that thing where I don't want people to say that, right? I don't want people to say that. I don't want people to say that. But it's a package deal of twins. What is it? It's a package deal of twins. I can't have anyone say, oh my God, I love your music. If I'm not willing to also accept some of the embarrassment involved. So all of our favorite legends...
• 12:24
  Even so, Nelson Mandela, you may think, oh, Nelson Mandela is universally loved. I mean, first of all, obviously, by the powers that be, he was called a terrorist. OK, so there's a lot of systemic factors in this, but I'm actually not going to go deep into that right now. But also in South Africa's now current climate, there's this questioning of how much he was willing to give over to others.
• 12:46
  the previous Abarthed government. And there is this topic that he sold us out that we should have, you know, that obviously so many of the systems in South Africa are still in the hands of white people. So then the critique is he should have pushed for more. So he's judged.
• 13:03
  And if Nelson, I said this on my portal, if Nelson Mandela can't escape judgment, who are we? Who are we? Who are we? We are just mere mortals who will be judged, okay? But that's what it means to be a legend. And what it means to, why would we want to be a legend, right? Like not everyone wants to be a legend, okay? If you're still here, it's not that you want it, it wants you, okay? If you're still here, there is a cosmic resonance with you and doing something big in this life. Whatever that means to you.
• 13:31
  So I think this is where the ego and the soul connect is your soul desires expression, okay? Your soul wants to express. Your soul wants to sing. Your soul wants to write the book of your deepest truth. Your soul wants to dance. Your soul wants to do what you know your soul wants to do. Your soul wants to speak, okay? Okay.
• 13:49
  But you know what's funny? The soul, I'm really coming to my deep, my path of understanding of the soul. I think that the soul, what is the relationship between ambition and the soul? That's a question I have that's interesting, right? I'm a very ambitious person, a Capricorn rising, if you will, but also just, and also just, I feel like I like to, I'm a striver.
• 14:10
  Am I proud of it? I don't know, but I'm coming to terms with that's just who I am. Like I'm quite competitive and I use quiet to be gentle to myself. I am like, I want to, I don't like the word win, but if you have to say it, like I know capitalism has made us, conditioned us to believe everything is a competition.
• 14:29
  I know that. I know that. But at the same time, you know, I have that part of my spirit. I have to be aware of it. It is there. And it has been part of what my therapist taught me to do was like honor all parts of you as sacredly like part of why you are in the position that you're in. So I can't deny that part of that part of me is.
• 14:50
  is part of why you've come to see me in this video. Cause I have that part of me. I'm very, I'm an ambitious person. So I think about, you know, there's this quote, I don't know who said it, but it's a beautiful quote that said, the more healed I am, the less ambitious I become.
• 15:05
  Because so much of our ambition is fueled by trauma. It's fueled by not feeling good enough. It's fueled by the sense that we have to perform and do a lot in order to receive love because it all comes back to love. So if we're ambitious, it's often because if we think if we had that money or fame or accolades or success, then I'd be accepted. Then I'd be loved. Then I'd belong. Then my parents would be proud of me.
• 15:28
  Then I'd show my bullies. You know, there's a lot of trauma fuel that can happen. So what that quote is saying is that the more we heal and we come home to unconditional love, which is our nature, the less we feel an ambition to do anything, like an ambition to be the best at anything. But at the same time, I have a little bit of, I'm questioning my relationship with this because I just feel so drawn to,
• 15:58
  to greatness. I'm like greatness? There's God in that. There's the infinite in that. There is spirit in that. When you witness someone,
• 16:13
  Who is embodying their craft, their calling at the highest level? Okay, you cannot help but to feel inspired. And what is that word? Inspire in spirit. There's something divine about greatness. And that doesn't mean the opposite is true, that there's something less worthy or valuable about the opposite. What we're saying is when you witness someone, it could be for me, oh my goodness, this is so random. Um.
• 16:37
  I watched the Rafael Nadal. I'm not even a tennis fan, okay? Are you a Nicki fan? I'm not even a tennis fan. I watched the Nadal documentary because one thing those sports documentary people can do is tell a story. Is tell a story and leave you... Like, documentaries are so wonderful.
• 16:54
  So leave you on this cliffhanger. Okay. So like I'm, I'm reading Nina Simone's book. I'm learning about her obsession. Oh my goodness. She would practice piano for like five to seven hours a day. Can you believe it? Like what is time? I could never, that is just so wild to me in the, in the most amazing way, which also makes me think about technology and tech addiction and how, who today is practicing piano for seven hours a day? Like,
• 17:23
  Oh my word, so much creative capacity is lost because, oh my word, like that kind of attention, there almost has to be nothing else to do. Wait, no, that's not fair because there was other things. She just chose to do that thing. Okay, so so much respect to her. So she literally from a very, very young age, like 12-ish, she's played piano since she was, she had a musical inclination since she was like a baby.
• 17:47
  They said she could read sheet music at like three. She was like extremely musical. She called herself a musical genius. She spent five to seven hours of her life force
• 17:57
  learning the piano, okay? Learning classical music. Then she would improvise lines of Bach with jazz music. And she just had this incredible talent, but it was also because she had this incredible focus. So what did she touch in her lifetime? You know that she started singing because she was playing in these clubs that preferred singers. So then she realized, they realized that she can sing and she has this incredibly, just unbelievable, astonishingly magical voice. Okay.
• 18:27
  This story is extremely fascinating. Another incredible tidbit that I learned was that she, her name is not Nina Simone. And I don't want to make it incorrect. I don't know. I forgot what it is because it's Eunice. And then I want to say, I can't remember her last name. But you know why she came up with the name Nina Simone? Because her mom was a preacher and her mom wouldn't have supported her playing in nightclubs and playing, quote unquote, the devil's music.
• 18:55
  And so she made up a fake name to hide her playing in clubs, her music career from her mom.
• 19:01
  So she knew her mom would what? Would what? Would judge her. It all comes back. But she insisted. She insisted and it broke her heart. The book speaks about how she had the affection of the world. Her sister says this. But the one person's affection who she craved most, who she needed most, never gave it to her. And that was her mom.
• 19:27
  Now, so much respect. I'm not a historian. So if I'm telling these details a little bit incorrectly, please, Nina, we respect and love you. So much love and respect. And where we were was greatness and ambition and the soul. Now, Nina Simone is a soul singer. Nina Simone sings with something that is visceral and makes music with something that is, they said she could cast a spell on the rooms that she performed in.
• 19:55
  And now we want to say that ambition is the opposite of soul. I don't agree. What she chose to be in her lifetime was great. And we get to experience her greatness through her music. And I think it is divine that she had that calling, that singularity of purpose to be so obsessed with music
• 20:19
  that she wanted to see it to the highest possibility. And so I don't feel that the more healed I become, the less ambitious I am. I do love that sentiment, but I think that witnessing people in their greatness is a gift. And that creates legends. Okay, that people who are obsessed with pursuing their calling or craft to the highest level create stories that we have to keep telling.
• 20:45
  There's a magnetism there that I do think is not only because capitalism teaches us to be competitive. I think there's something spiritual about witnessing someone in politics.
• 20:57
  Their mastery. Okay. Do we even like the word mastery? In the highest expression of their talents. I was talking about Rafael Nadal. So I told you, I don't even like tennis. I'm not, I mean, are you a tennis fan? I'm not a tennis fan. I don't even know. I don't understand the sets, the love, the 40, why 40? I don't understand, but I'm watching this documentary and I cannot even tell you how inspired I am by this man.
• 21:21
  While I'm watching it. So I got the similar feeling as when I'm watching this Nina Simone video. Sorry, reading this Nina Simone book. So Nadal, he speaks about like obviously the illusion of Nadal, right, as a tennis player. Like I do know Federer, Nadal, Djokovic. I know these names. The illusion of him is that he is this incredible tennis player. He has this like, like this, like I want to call it like primal energy to how he plays, which is often contrasted to Federer, how Federer plays.
• 21:51
  And what I thought growing up was he's just a rock star. Like he's just, he practices a lot. He's deeply disciplined, but he's having the time of his life. What I learned is that he's been in physical pain literally for like 20 years.
• 22:07
  He has this foot injury that was never healable and that if he had a surgery would have ended his career. Then he had these knee injuries. He always was battling an injury. And what he speaks about was how he accepted suffering as part of his path. That like people told him that he was pushing his body too far, which I mean, literally all professional athletes, that is what they're doing. The human body is not meant to go to the places that they take it.
• 22:36
  But he said that he would have like 12 fewer Grand Slams if he had listened to them. Now, the takeaway is not, oh, let's all go suffer. The takeaway is there's something what I found really fascinating about this, because I'm not a tennis fan, was just how drawn I was to his story of what it takes to be great in his manifestation of it. That doesn't have to be ours. We don't have to break our feet. We don't have to break our knees. But what I found so inspiring was I felt like spirit was moving through this man because he had a calling.
• 23:05
  And he was obsessed with following it. And that obsession made him a legend. And people around him, all his team judged him. They were like, why are you still playing? You should retire. And he insisted on continuing. So there were all these micro moments you could see. I mean, the judgment, first of all, of a crowd. Like you're sitting in a stadium. Everyone's kind of judging you. Ugh. Ugh.
• 23:30
  Yeah, they're just judging you the entire time. So athletes and performers are a great example of this because everything you do, people are making little sounds. Collective effervescence, it's called. I love it. Like this feeling that we get. I read this book called All. All.
• 23:47
  And it's all about wonder. It's by this person called Dasha Kiltner or something like that. Dasha Kiltner, whatever. Something like that. And he says there's eight types of awe at least, right? At least that have been studied. One of them, actually one of the most incredible forms of awe he talks about is moral beauty. How beautiful. Moral beauty. Like witnessing someone, for example...
• 24:06
  save a child from a burning building or forgive their mom for some form of deep betrayal or like do something really morally beautiful, like go out of their way to help a stranger on the street. So like a stranger's walking stick falls and this person goes out of their way to pick it up or to help them. That actually, that's one of the biggest forms of awe that we have. It was also the awe of nature, the awe of music. And one of the forms of awe was, which I love as a term is collective effervescence.
• 24:35
  collective effervescence. We feel this at concerts. We feel this in stadiums. We feel this in protests and marches, you know, this energy moving through you that we're all one and we're connected and you have these tingles in your body. And that's such a beautiful experience. So anyway, so the crowd of Nadell's things, they're judging him and he has to be so great that he's willing to
• 25:04
  He's able to not allow that to stop him from his craft. And I think every single person who becomes a legend, who is every single person who is a legend has this quality. Beyonce, who we love, you know, I love Beyonce. She obviously experiences a lot of judgment.
• 25:19
  But she's a legend. That's what it means to be a legend. There was no legendary Beyonce who wasn't going to be judged. And this is some of the illusion we can fall into. Oh, if I just don't do this. Okay, so Jay Shetty was judged for this. If I don't do that, it's okay. So this character, no, we're all going to be judged. But what are you not going to do? What are you not going to do? You're not going to allow judgment to stop you. You're going to accept that for your soul,
• 25:45
  to reach its highest expression in this life. You know what that feels like. I don't even, I don't need to tell you what it is. You know it, you can feel into it. Your ego has to be willing to sacrifice.
• 25:55
  embarrassment, sacrifice safety. That's what the ego wants, right? Predictability, safety, certainty. So I like this thing that I call the embarrassment to embodiment pipeline, the embarrassment to embodiment pipeline. So in order to embody something, you have to be embarrassed in it first. So we see these singers on stages. We're like, how do they perform like that? How many gigs do we think they did?
• 26:20
  where the mic was off, their voice was broken in some way, they were embarrassed, and now they got embarrassed so many times that what do they do now? They embody the craft. Embarrassment to embodiment.
• 26:34
  We want the kind of embodied wisdom that is beyond the mind. Okay. We want to embody our craft. Don't you want to embody something like, oh my word, I don't even need to think about that. That's my intuition. Okay. That's in my spirit. Like right now I'm dancing. I don't have notes. Now, some of you may think this is going beautifully. Some of you may think the opposite. But what I know is I've shown up for this craft so many times that I now have like an embodied sense of,
• 27:03
  Of speaking. It's like in me. It's like an intuition. It's in me. It's in me. Okay. But it's like a surgeon. Sometimes they have to go through some embarrassment, like they have someone looking over them who's like, no, not like that, sir. Don't do it. Oh, why did I say sir? Oh my God, sexism. You know, we just, do you ever have that where it just leaps out of you? Just leaps. Just leaps.
• 27:26
  You don't even have to think. It's like conditioned. It is conditioned. Okay, so okay, individual of any kind of gender, you're not doing it right. You cut the artery this way when you need to do it this way. So they had to go through embarrassment to mold them into the surgeon that now embodies the intuition where when the patient is flatlining, they know exactly what to do without being able to consciously even tell you what they knew and how.
• 27:54
  It's like those nurses who will know someone is having a stroke when there's no evidence to the normal human eye that they're having any sort of issue. But because they have that embodied wisdom, which might have come from embarrassingly, maybe they at first they really struggled to get the needle in the vein. Like they went through a process. Maybe at first they had to, you know, interview for roles and they had to go through the humiliation that can come from that. You know, we all have this journey. So we can't embody something we're not willing to be embarrassed about or for first.
• 28:25
  So if I want to embody this new archetype of like being a singer, I'm going to have to face so many forms of embarrassment first. And that pipeline, just remember it, okay? Embarrassment to embodiment pipeline. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise. So what have we gone on this journey for, babes? Why are we here? What is going on? Well, this is a question one might ask each day. But it's because I cannot have you moving through this world.
• 28:52
  Thinking that avoiding judgment is something to be impressed about. I cannot have you going through your life, making your coffee, making your matcha, your tea. You know what I mean? Thinking that if at the end of the day, you weren't judged, that's something to be proud of. That's not what we're going to have you do. So you know what I'm going to say? It's going to sound a little bit triggering. It's going to sound a little bit triggering. It's going to sound like I'm negatively manifesting for you. I'm not. I hope.
• 29:23
  You are judged. I hope you are judged because it will mean that you lived a life that was true to the boldest, bravest and wildest part of you. I hope you are judged because it will mean you stepped out of the little character we've all been taught to play. You stepped out of the part of you who was shrinking, playing small. And you said, you know what? I'm here, motherfuckers.
• 29:49
  I'm here. Like I'm here and I'm here to leave my mark on this world. And some people are not going to like that mark. And that is okay. It's not that I'm going to now say, no, no, no, they're not thinking of me. Some people are not going to like that mark and that is okay. But I came here to be here. I came here to have a perspective and to express it. So I hope I'm judged because it will mean I lived my fullest truth. Okay.
• 30:16
  You know, I sometimes have this fear where I'm like, oh, I want this to go this far, but not this far. You know what I mean? I'll hold myself back in certain ways. I'm like, oh, I want the podcast to be like this, but not like this, you know? Or not really with the podcast. I'm like, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. But like with singing, for example, I'm like, oh no, I'm just, I'll just start it. I like minimize myself. And why? To protect myself.
• 30:38
  But what I actually hope is I hope I allow myself to be so judged as a singer to even let people say, oh, my word, I don't like her voice or she has this voice or she has it because then I would have been brave. Because if I'm never judged, I was never brave. Because you could be in a room with your friends, you could have a brilliant idea to share, but you don't want it to be judged. So you don't share the brilliant idea. So what do we hope at the end of that night? Is that a good night? I mean, it's a great night in other ways. But should we be proud of nights like that where we avoid judgment? Is that the goal? Is that why we've come to earth?
• 31:05
  Is that why we've come to earth? Is that why Nina Simone came to earth? Is that why Nelson Mandela came to earth? Just avoid judgment. Just, and what's in them is in us. We're legends. You're a legend. I'm telling you this. You wouldn't still be here if this wasn't already resonating with your spirit, meaning I'm speaking to you.
• 31:22
  So I just don't think it's an accomplishment. I just don't think it's an accomplishment. I just don't think so. I've gone through so many forms of judgment. You know, you post on TikTok, 100 views, 200 views, 300 views, 100 views, 1,000 views. Then you get a bigger following, 100 views, 200 views, 300 views, 100,000 views, two views. You know, it still happens. You don't ever transcend that things can be embarrassing. And wherever this is going, wherever this may go, I'll know that I chose to be judged maybe like 7,000 times.
• 31:53
  I've been so judged so many times like I was judged by this person you gotta ooh the most difficult like Nina Simone is your own family let's talk about that what are they gonna say when you wanna be an artist not an engineer or a lawyer what are they gonna say what are they gonna say about that you gotta allow them to judge you
• 32:11
  How much art would exist if people were not hiding from their parents? How many books would exist if people... And this is complicated because I just love my parents. And so I have felt... I just want to make them proud. I just want to make them proud. But at the same time...
• 32:29
  What I come back to is no one can die in my place. I know it's a little bit morbid. It's literally the definition of morbid, but no one can die in my place. So at the end of my life, all those people, whether it's my family, who have been so supportive, ultimately, the funniest thing is what you fear the most. Actually, once you walk towards it, it can transform. I'm not going to say it won't happen, but I know it will transform because that's what nature and reality does. So...
• 32:54
  You fear people judging you and then somehow they drop into something else within themselves. I've witnessed that a lot. So I could go into that, but what fun would that be? Let's just leave it in the mysterious space of unknowing. So I could go into that, but what fun would that be? Let's just leave it vague. Okay. So if you have come here, actually, let me not say if. You have come here to be a legend. A legend is judged. Okay.
• 33:21
  A legend has stories told about them that they would not have chosen to be told. That's actually the important thing. Because obviously there's some stories we'd all love to be told about us. He's an incredible writer. He always knew he wanted to be an author. She sings like an angel. She overcame, you know. We want certain stories of us to be told. But there's others who are like, don't tell, don't, don't, don't. I have that. I'm like, stop. Why would you say that to anyone? Why are you?
• 33:51
  Why are you telling the truth when we could just, why are you saying words that are triggering me? Embarrassment to embodiment. We all have the stories we do. So part of it is the surrender. Surrender to the fact that I can't control what you will take from this.
• 34:09
  Oh, that's so important. So sometimes the fear of judgment is the desire for control as well. So I want to control how you see me. I want you to see me as. I want you to see me. And even all the little moments of judgment. I mentioned the judgment when I came into the studio. What is another voice of judgment is I want you to see me as. It is only safe for you to see me as. Oh.
• 34:32
  Let's talk about that. It is only safe for you to see me as excellent. It is only safe if you see me as saying something that's never said before. I've had this before. I'm like, I don't get to say words that have ever been said before. I need to see words that are groundbreaking. I need to break the ground. Otherwise it's just noise. I need to be the signal. I need to be one of a kind. You know what I mean? Versus what is wisdom? Wisdom is like a collective intelligence. Wisdom is often words that have been said before that need to be returned to because we know everything we need to know.
• 35:02
  We just need to return to the knowing. Am I right? You decide, you can judge me. So sometimes judgment, the fear of judgment is the desire. It's connected to the desire for control. I want to control how you see me. I want to control what you think of me. I want to control how you see this podcast. I want to control how you see who you think I am as a creator. So if we surrender control and say, I actually can't control what you're going to think of this.
• 35:27
  I can't control that at eight minutes I lost you and you left. I can't control that you didn't share this with anyone because you didn't think it was. I can't control that you find it distracting that I'm going from topic to topic. I can't control that you may say, oh, but why didn't you include more these people or these people or these people? Oh, why didn't you say this? Oh, why didn't you do this? I cannot control that.
• 35:50
  And I really like control. One thing about me, I want to control the situation. I want to be in control. I want to decide where the people sit at the dinner party. I want to be in control. Okay. I want the phones to be in another room so no one is distracted because I want to control the fact that we shouldn't be looking at our phones so much. Like, please.
• 36:09
  I want to be in control. Where are we going for dinner? Oh, we'll just see. We'll just see. We'll see when there are ratings and reviews. Why would we see? I want to. So I want to be in control very often. And I'm aware of this part of me. And I just have to. It's ancestral. It is. And I just have to let it go. I have to say, well, I guess. I guess we will see. I guess we will see. And if I hate my meal, I guess we'll see about that. You know what I mean?
• 36:35
  I cannot control how you see me. But you know what I can insist upon is that you will. Let's say that again, okay? I can't control how you see me.
• 36:49
  Okay, but what I can control is that you will be seeing me. And when I say that, what do I mean? Like I know my ancestors didn't go through all of this trauma for me to hide. Why? They didn't cultivate the gift of speech for me to be silent, okay? So I will be seen. That's where I'm at. I will be seen. I will be seen, okay? In the very spaces that no one wanted us. You know, I'm also in the colonizer's land.
• 37:19
  I will be seen, I will be showing up and I can't control how anyone receives how I'm seen. I can't even control, okay, because one thing we didn't talk about is our own judgment. Let's talk about that. I mean, we don't have much time left, you know, but one of the things we fear the most
• 37:38
  Is facing ourselves. Is facing our own judgment. I'll have these moments. Because I've recorded like 112 of these. So I'll have these moments before I'm about to do an episode. Where I'm like literally talking to myself. And I'm like I'm scared of you. I'm scared that no matter what I do. You will just not find it good enough. So this is parts work. And yeah you know. Because I have that. That punishing voice within. And.
• 38:04
  Once you can transcend the fear of your own judgment by accepting it, because you know what's so funny? When you watch like an episode, you might be thinking, oh, why didn't they say this? Or why didn't they say that? But you know that we're all forming ourselves as we go. So often when I'm editing something or I'm in the post-production phase, I'm like, why didn't I say this? Or why didn't I say that? Or why didn't I say this?
• 38:25
  So part of it has just been accepting that I am always a work in progress and accepting my own judgment, accepting that I only think it's safe if I see myself as excellent or I see myself as perfect, which happens how many times in a business week? Yeah.
• 38:41
  So it's an impossible, impossible goal or desire. So let's show up, babes, because I know there's something in your spirit that the collective needs to see. We didn't talk about that, but you know that that's something that I teach on relentlessly. But today it seems I have not. No, I have not relented. Is that if you feel called to express something, it's because people feel called to receive that expression through you.
• 39:06
  So if you think about it, it's like we spoke about Nina Simone and her insistence and obsession with music was also the collective's desire to receive music through her. It's like we, the collective spirit of that time and now of these times, because we know that music.
• 39:26
  Her music, some people's music is completely timeless. It's going to be listened to in a hundred years. No matter what AI does, it's not going to be birds flying high. You know what I mean or how I feel. You know how I feel. So we were summoning something through her. That's what I believe. Not consciously, but when she, when she writes about, when they write about her performances, they say the whole room was,
• 39:52
  was spellbound. And then when she was in crowds that were not that attentive, she'd get mad. She'd get frustrated. She would like stop playing until people would be quiet. I love that. She said, you will listen. She said, you will listen. Okay. Because she trained for decades for this.
• 40:08
  Okay, so babes, we've been on a journey. My hope is that what you receive or take away from this is we haven't come to earth to protect ourselves from being judged. That the most generous thing we could do is actually allow ourselves to be judged. Because that's another thing. When you have a mission, your love for the mission needs to transcend what people might say about it. So if I love the fact that I believe that my voice can support the collective,
• 40:35
  then what some people comment on this video is much smaller than that belief. I need to have an irrational self-belief that I have medicine, okay? If you say mean things about me, my medicine is more important than your part, meanness. Actually, no, I don't even like calling you mean. My medicine is more important than anyone's meanness because meanness comes from the lower part of someone's spirit. Medicine comes from the highest part of someone's spirit, okay?
• 40:59
  Do you see what I'm saying? So we're going to focus on our highest part of our spirit, which is what we want to share, give, create, versus allowing the lower part, the lower energy of someone's spirit to bring us down. Now that's actually a whole other topic, which is very important to go into, but we are going to close this soul session shortly.
• 41:18
  What I will say is that when someone judges, they're not judging from their highest self. They're judging from the part of them that believes in scarcity, that believes in hierarchy, who's above, who's below, that believes in this kind of mean spirit, that believes in not being embarrassing, not being cringe, a kind of bully energy. It's a mean goal energy, a mean spirited energy that we all have. We all have. And I'd invite you to become a student of your judgment.
• 41:45
  Who do you judge and why? Because then you'll start to realize, oh my word, if I allow this part of someone's spirit to dictate what I do with mine, that would be such a disservice. That would be opposite of cosmic harmony. Because no one is proudest of all the parts of ourselves. Are we proudest of the part of us who judges? So then why would you reduce your expression to a part of someone, to a pleasing, appeasing a part of someone that they're not even most proud of?
• 42:12
  Because I know I can judge someone and that's from a lower self. I could be inspired by the same person I'm judging. I want you to call me forth to my highest possibility, which is that I see the light in you. Okay? Okay. So I hope that you've enjoyed today's soul session. It's been a vibe. You know, I've felt the energy moving. I'm in a beautiful place.
• 42:33
  I'm embracing that this is the path that has been chosen for me and through me. I'm feeling this power of, you know, especially any Black creatives watching this, any, I mean, I'm going to speak from my own experience, but I always feel like Black people, Brown people, Asian people, Indigenous people, our struggles are very intertwined and connected. But I just want you to know, because it's very important for...
• 42:56
  to me that like black artists and creatives as well as brown artists and asian artists and creatives feel how important it is for us to be seen in the ways we feel called to be seen and to show up you know show up okay because what we can't control how they will see us but we can control that we will be seen okay and now we have the platforms okay
• 43:21
  I'm not waiting for, you know, some network to tell me that I have a voice that needs to be shared. I'm sharing it myself. So we're going to honor the ancestral voices seeking to express through us and we will be seen. OK, and whoever is listening to this, because this is a space of...
• 43:37
  collective energy like the soul salon is about an energy of vibration our soul siblings come from all different places races and contexts all different genders i know that there's something within you that has been dampened and repressed if you are a woman listening to this if you're a queer person listening to this if you're a disabled person listening to this or if you have if you even if you are uh whatever you are if you're connected to the part of you that society wants to dim so your softness
• 44:02
  If you're connected to your artistry, your sensitivity, a part of you society wants to say that's too much, put that away. We are honoring the visibility of that part of ourselves. We're allowing that to be judged in service of a higher judgment, which is at the end of our life, what do we want to be able to say? We want to be able to say we made our soul light, knowable, touchable, tasteable.
• 44:32
  I'm sending so much love to you. I'm sending so much love through you. And I will see you on the next Soul Session. I love you. Bye. My darling, my love, my soul sibling, thank you for stepping into the Soul Salon. If you are still hearing or watching this, we are soul siblings. We are resonating on the same frequency. And so something you may struggle with that I struggle with
• 44:55
  is the fear of being seen. You know that visibility is involved in you living your creative purpose and being in your power, serving the collective through your gifts, through your magic, through your medicine. In order to do that, you know you need to be more seen than you are allowing yourself to be right now.
• 45:14
  I have a gift just for you, heart made for us on this frequency. And it is a free ebook called the soulful visibility guide that is soulful visibility. Like we don't just want to be seen. We want to be felt. We want to be heard. We want to move and be moved. So I do have a free gift for you. And all you need to do is go to my website. I understood.com and there you will be able to input your email address and receive this directly to your inbox.
• 45:43
  This is such a juicy and delicious guide. And I change the free offering every few months. So, you know, get it while you can. All the links are in the show notes. So thank you so much. I love you. And I will see you on the next Soul Session. Okay. I love you. Bye.