Latest / MIDDLE GROUND - Real Conversations on Faith, Identity & Becoming — Through Brynne's LDS Lens of Curiosity, Love and Doubt / My Dad Came Out as Gay in 1988: Growing Up, Forgiving & Choosing Love — Drey Hill

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My Dad Came Out as Gay in 1988: Growing Up, Forgiving & Choosing Love — Drey Hill · MIDDLE GROUND - Real Conversations on Faith, Identity & Becoming — Through Brynne's LDS Lens of Curiosity, Love and Doubt

• Brynne Erickson (01:05) Dre Hill, my friend, how are you? Drey Hill (01:07) Doing well. How are you doing? Brynne Erickson (01:09) I'm good. Thanks for being here on Middle Ground. How you feeling about sharing your story? Drey Hill (01:14) Pretty excited actually. So I'm a very Brynne Erickson (01:16) Yeah? Drey Hill (01:17) open book. So yeah, I like talking about myself, which may sound a little prideful. But it's yeah, I mean that's the best way I get things across is by sharing stories. So pretty excited. Brynne Erickson (01:28) Awesome. Yeah. Dre and I are in church together. We're church friends. And you were one of the first people that I was willing to share about my like struggles at church. We had a Sunday school in the hallway one day when I was new to the ward five years ago. And not so new though, because this is the ward I grew up in. But it's changed a lot since I left 10 ish years prior. And that was so impactful. My brother had come out as gay. And I didn't know where I stood with the church and a lot of things. And you were just so open and confident in what you believed. And like that was so refreshing and helpful for me. So I was grateful for your willingness to open up and tell your story. and so thrilled that you're willing to share it with the world. And I have no doubt that it's gonna help a lot of people in the same way that I did. So we're gonna talk about Dre's faith journey. And also his life growing up with a father who came out as gay when you were a kid. And that'll hit home with some people too. So let's just dive right into it. Are you okay with that, Dre? Drey Hill (02:43) Yeah. Yeah. How far back you want to go. Brynne Erickson (02:45) Yeah, let's kind of go back to like your roots. So were you raised in religion from the beginning? Drey Hill (02:52) Yeah, so I was born in the covenant as the LDS culture would put it. So I was born into the Mormon religion. Born and raised there with my mom and dad, going to church and all that and yeah. And then then everything kinda started my earliest childhood memories is kind of where everything kind of started falling apart. And my mom and dad's marriage. of give a little background is my dad came out to my mom before like right after I believe it was right after I was born. He came Brynne Erickson (03:31) Okay. Drey Hill (03:32) out to her. Brynne Erickson (03:33) What year would this have been? Give us some context. Drey Hill (03:35) 1988. I was born 87, Brynne Erickson (03:38) Okay, late eighties. Drey Hill (03:39) so probably 88, 89. So between me and my brother, sometime he was born eighty-nine. If I remember right, somewhere between there, that's when my dad came out to my mom that he was Brynne Erickson (03:49) Okay. Drey Hill (03:49) interested in in men. So so they did everything that they could to keep the marriage strong. They loved each other and but my dad just loved guys also so. Brynne Erickson (04:04) Yeah. Drey Hill (04:06) So I on my earliest childhood memories is their divorce. It wasn't bad. It wasn't rough. They were I mean, everything every divorce has a couple rough moments. Brynne Erickson (04:15) For sure. Drey Hill (04:15) And I remember those. But I was kind of I was sad. I remember when my dad left, gave me a kiss. I was sharing a bunk bed with my brother, gave me a kiss on the head and said I'm moving out. And Brynne Erickson (04:28) Mm. Drey Hill (04:29) I remember crying and we watched my mom have ended up I don't know how she found him. But I ended up going to his house watching the debate with George W. Bush versus Bob Dole, I believe it was, at his house. But then shortly after that, I tell all that to lead up because my mom wanted me to know. So this was after my brother was born and my sister was born. So I was seven years old when this my mom told, like told my dad, you should probably let Dre know why we got a divorce. Because I wanted Thinking about it now, a lot of my friends were divor like had divorced parents. And they got two birthdays, two Christmases, two of everything, right? Brynne Erickson (05:13) Mm. Drey Hill (05:14) I was not one of those lucky children. My dad became my mom's gay best friend. So so I got a couple of them. But everything became very family oriented. So my dad still came to all the Christmases, all our birthdays throughout my whole life. And they didn't really Ever fight. But at seven, we'll go back in time now a little bit, but at seven, my dad was taking me to go see Return of the Jedi. Just got remastered. I Brynne Erickson (05:43) Nice. Drey Hill (05:43) was super stoked, super excited. I was one of those Star Wars kids. And that's when he sat down next to me in the family room of our house and told me that he said he was gay and explained it to me. Brynne Erickson (05:58) Mm. Drey Hill (05:59) And I know when I was younger. The word gay had a different meaning. I didn't know it was two guys liking each other. It was, we would say that was gay or whatever when we were kids. Like that was dumb. Brynne Erickson (06:10) Mm-hmm. Right. Drey Hill (06:12) So explaining that to a seven-year-old was probably pretty difficult. But it traumatized me enough that I sat in the auditorium of the movie theater looking around, wondering which one of these guys in here is my dad's boyfriend. Like, I just Brynne Erickson (06:27) How interesting. Hmm. Drey Hill (06:28) learned this and now I thought I was gonna meet his boyfriend. Brynne Erickson (06:32) Mm. Drey Hill (06:33) And so at a young age, that's what traumatized me. So watching that movie, I still get a little PTSD. I can tolerate through it. But there's a few movies that just kind of hit home a little bit harder for me for different reasons. Not because job of the hut's so cool looking. But but and then yeah, so it became a normal thing. we lived in Utah at that time. And so my dad lived in Salt Lake. He had roommates and one of them became his boyfriend for a lot of his life. And so he was a big part of our life. But where the church got into it is growing up and then going to youth and primary, it was my mom protected us by we couldn't share. Don't tell anybody that your Brynne Erickson (07:21) Mm. Drey Hill (07:22) dad is gay. So the most realistic thing of a divorced family was my dad would sit in a different portion. of the chapel or auditorium or whatever for any of our activities. So that looked like a typical divorced family. But right Brynne Erickson (07:37) Mm. Drey Hill (07:38) after we'd all come together at the house and they would be laughing and like nothing's ever changed. But yeah, growing up in church it was it didn't it was against it was horrible. It was bad. You don't do it. The now I just forgot the name of the book. The Book we all lived by as a youth. Strength of youth. There we go. The Brynne Erickson (08:02) That one. Drey Hill (08:02) strength of youth book. That was seemed like that was the youth's Bible of what Brynne Erickson (08:06) Mm. Drey Hill (08:07) you can and can't do, at least in Washington. So at this point, that's when I was a teenager, we moved to Washington. Brynne Erickson (08:13) Okay. Drey Hill (08:14) So fresh start, brand new, and nobody there knew or any chance of anyone knowing that my dad was gay. But we had to keep the same kind of rules and kind of don't tell anybody. type thing 'cause I grew up in a very small community in my and so my mom didn't want to getting out, didn't want us getting picked on, teased, whatever for whatever reason. Not to mention my name kinda rhymes with it. But it's Brynne Erickson (08:40) Mm. Drey Hill (08:41) yeah, so but it was interesting because that's kind of it was kind of taboo, it seemed like to me when I was a youth of you know, nobody our age came out. that they were gay or any of that type of stuff. It was just kind Brynne Erickson (08:55) Yeah. Drey Hill (08:56) of frowned upon. We didn't see it too much on T V. So Brynne Erickson (08:59) Yeah. Drey Hill (08:59) kind of growing up in the church, growing up society, it just seemed like Brynne Erickson (09:02) Right. Drey Hill (09:03) that's not a good thing. Brynne Erickson (09:05) Yeah, so it wasn't just church. Like you just didn't you didn't tell anybody. Like this was Drey Hill (09:09) Yeah we Brynne Erickson (09:09) a family secret. No one needs to know. Okay. Drey Hill (09:13) Yeah, nobody needs to know. And so, but it was hard going to church because they would have the father and sons camp out. I had a great stepdad Brynne Erickson (09:21) Yeah. Drey Hill (09:23) who welcomed my dad in with open arms Brynne Erickson (09:25) Mm, wow. Drey Hill (09:27) and they became really good friends. And so but it was father and sons. I wanted my dad to come. And and I kind of being older and a teen, I wanted to share. Like there were testimony meetings, you know, where it was like, I wanted to share. Like that, hey, my dad's gay, like and this is what I'm going through, or talk to somebody about it. Brynne Erickson (09:49) Yeah. Drey Hill (09:49) But I didn't have that. I had my I mean it did, but it was not an outside of the family. It was talk to my mom. My dad didn't really want to talk about it too much. It was kinda I don't know if it was he just wanted to hide it as much as he could from us that that's what he was doing, because he would clean his whole house before we got there. Everything that had any hint to it was nowhere to be found. And I remember walking, I was probably 14 in Seattle with my dad, and we were in the gay district going to get pizza, or we're going to Dick's that has burgers and shakes. Great place. If anyone goes to Seattle or that, awesome burgers and shakes. But we were walking and a guy approached my dad, knew him, and said, Hey Sean, it's been a while. Gave him a hug and kissed him. First time I see my dad kiss another guy. And my dad got angry. Brynne Erickson (10:42) Mm. Drey Hill (10:42) He put guy against the wall and said, I told you to never do this in front of my kids. Like it was like a white switch. And but then we continued on. And then after he was done, nothing happened. My dad was still all happy and we moved on. But that kind of I Brynne Erickson (10:57) Mm. Drey Hill (10:58) little reminders like that where he was gay. But he him and his boyfriend were very good at hiding it, even though we Brynne Erickson (11:05) Yeah. Drey Hill (11:06) knew through their whole entire relationship, which was years of my life that they were. But they never showed it. They had separate rooms. And it was all out of respect for me and my siblings. That Brynne Erickson (11:18) Mm. Drey Hill (11:19) we just didn't have to be in that world with them. And so you can stop me anytime if you got questions. Brynne Erickson (11:26) No, in fact I'm getting emotional 'cause I just I think it's sad that your dad and I'm sure so many other people can relate that they just can't be them. They can't be who they want to be and they have tried or try to normalize their situation for the sake of everyone else. And how selfless that is to try and honor what they want and what they need. But also taking into consideration the other people around them. And I just think that's so beautiful. Like they didn't have to do that. And some might even say that that's wrong. They should have just owned it, you know? But I love that your dad was truly just trying to make peace and normalize things for you guys. And I mean, this was I mean, you measure it were a teenager in nineties, late nineties, early two thousands. I'm an eighty eight baby too, so We were pretty much in the same lifestyle. And like I if I had gay friends, I did not know about it. Like you did not hear about anyone, especially here in Utah. I'm sure that wasn't everybody's life, depending on where you were raised and what your family believed and how they talked about. But for a lot of society and a lot of the world, even today, being gay is not okay. It's definitely looked down upon. I think we've made great strides in normalizing it. And at least trying to include and accept and not make it so taboo and scary, but we've still got a long way to go. So just hearing the yeah, the links that your parents went to. And I am care I am curious, like how how did your parents, how were they able to maintain such an amazing relationship? let alone in a divorce and adding the layer of something that was very much frowned upon at that time. Drey Hill (13:34) Yeah. So yeah, so I gotta talk to my dad about it and my mom. And I mean, as I gotten older, we've gotten more I guess we talked about it more. And what led into a big conversation of that was before my mission. So I'm sorry I'm gonna continue a little bit of the story, but I'll come back to your of how they dealt with it is Brynne Erickson (13:56) Okay. Okay. Drey Hill (13:59) as I got older, I mean when I went on my mission or before my mission, I found out That my dad I got more information about them when they were married and how much my dad cheated and how much my dad snuck around and all that. And it kind of and this was like you know, like growing up in the church, now it's becoming more. I loved my dad all the way through, but now I started having feelings of anger towards my dad because I love my mom. Every boy, I think every kid, but their boys love their mom, they protect them. And so talking to my mom in this part was, how how did you do it? How did you tolerate it for so long, knowing that if you went to go see your family in Washington and he was back home and he was taking guys on a date or had guys at the house or whatever it was, how did you make it? And she said it was just she had s and she still has so much love for dad. She goes, I just love him. And he kept telling me like and I knew he loved me too. So all the therapy sessions, all the meeting with church leaders, like all the way up to like I think they met with L. Tom Perry and just like working through it, doing their best, because my dad loved her enough that he he made the attempts to change to keep her in his life. But it got to the point where I feel like my dad had to make a choice. And my mom had to make that hard choice where they may have known it was gonna happen and they were avoiding divorce, avoiding that. Like, let's see how can we make this work? How do we but I mean also I mean there's people who believe I I heard it when I now I'm open about my dad, obviously. I'm on a podcast talking about him. Brynne Erickson (15:52) Yeah. Drey Hill (15:53) but sharing it is people are like, Well, why didn't people just pray for him? Why didn't people just fast that that you know the gay life would come out of him? And I honestly believe it wouldn't have done anything. It's that's the way my dad was. My dad, that was his lifestyle. It's not like he hung around with creeps or anybody that would have gave us kids or my mom the heebie jeebies. Like, hey, I don't want that guy around. It was all decent dudes. And so my mom just the love for they had for each other after got divorced, it was just that separation. I think is what they needed. But it's like, let's turn this into a friendship. They actually met on their mission in South Africa. They got set up by the mission president. Brynne Erickson (16:41) Wow. Drey Hill (16:42) Yeah. So so they've known each other like pretty much the majority of their mission, got to know each other. My mom would cut his hair on the mission. Like that's that would Brynne Erickson (16:50) Awww. Drey Hill (16:51) those were their dates or haircuts that were set up by the mission president and his wife. And so but yeah, so They just loved each other so much and it was evident seeing them around each other. Growing up as kids, Brynne Erickson (17:06) Mm-hmm. Drey Hill (17:06) it was I had two dads and one dad I couldn't tell anybody about his lifestyle. But it was in our house, it was open. Like my dad would bring his boyfriend's name was Brian, who was part of our a big part of our lives. And so Brian and my dad would come over. They'd have Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays. They'd even come to primary programs, like together and so it was it was just a normal it just became a normal part of our lives like even watching kind of tie a little bit back to the church was my dad had would watch conference even though left the church he didn't get excommunicated i but he left the church and just because he didn't feel comfortable coming out with that lifestyle and going back to church but he still watched conference we would have conference talks like we would talk about them Brynne Erickson (18:01) Mm. Drey Hill (18:01) And he would share, you know, like, hey, there's brethren who have gay children that I know that are giving talks. And when they give talks, they're told by their dad, who's a general authority, My talk is directed to you, so please listen. Brynne Erickson (18:15) Mm. Drey Hill (18:16) And so my dad would share, we'd have more conversations in those talks of, see, this is where he's talking about the love and peace and God loves everybody. And that's no matter what our lifestyle is, no matter what we're going through. And that's something my dad always taught me. was even though he knows and he said he knew that it he wasn't living the choice lifestyle by the Christian world. Brynne Erickson (18:39) Mm. Drey Hill (18:40) He knew that God was always there. Brynne Erickson (18:43) Hey, really quick, whether your faith is shifting or you've already done a lot of that work, I built something for you. It's called Faith in Process and is a private online community for Latter-day Saints who want to explore and expand their beliefs through real open-minded conversations about gospel topics and principles. Think that like Facebook and Sunday school had a baby, but you never have to see anyone in person. Drop in whenever works for you, leave a thought, read what others are sitting with. No calls, no meetups, just good conversation. Twelve dollars a month at Brynarikson.com. Click join Faith and Process for more information and I hope to see you there. Drey Hill (19:24) And he still believed in the LDS religion. And even though with the ups and downs they've had in the last ten years we'd say with things they've come out with and you know Proposition eight in the last couple years, my dad still He didn't ever say the church was bad. He Brynne Erickson (19:45) So Drey Hill (19:45) still had that testimony that the church that this was the most true church on earth. And even though they may not side with my life, it's I still gonna watch conference. He still knew the scriptures, he still prayed when we asked to say prayers, he was willing to do it. It wasn't like, Well, you only do that at your mom's house because you guys go to church with her. It was he was all about it. So Brynne Erickson (20:09) Huh. Drey Hill (20:09) that was kind of cool. But for me to accept him, because before I'm kind of jumping around, so I apologize. You can stop me anytime you want, but so for me to accept it more was Brynne Erickson (20:17) You're doing great. It makes sense. Keep going. Drey Hill (20:23) when before my mission, having that kind of anger, that frustration, and I kind of stopped talking to him. I kind of did the minimal I had to by quote unquote court of seeing him and and then we had a little bit of a rough relationship. And it was just because I found out how much he hurt my mom. And it kind of turned my feelings towards him, but also towards the gay community and the gay lifestyle. It was like, why did you let that ruin Brynne Erickson (20:54) Mm. Drey Hill (20:55) a great woman? Your kids' lives. We had to keep it hidden. Because if this never happened, like he didn't live that life, we would never have to keep this secret. I would never have to. Brynne Erickson (21:06) Right. Drey Hill (21:07) And I broke. I broke the secret before my mission. Brynne Erickson (21:12) Mm. Drey Hill (21:13) I told my stake president, went through the temple recommend questions, and there was that one of the questions is are you c I am gonna butcher it, but it's to you affiliate yourself with anybody who doesn't follow the church's standards or rules or yeah. Brynne Erickson (21:26) Any groups. Mm-hmm. Drey Hill (21:28) And I broke. I knew the guy, I knew him really well, I knew his family really well. And I broke and said, Yeah, I said, my dad's gay and So I've been dealing with that my whole life. And I didn't share a lot about the whole my mom and his marriage, but it told him it was just difficult. And I remember relief coming off of me. Like that was like rocks out of the backpack that people talk about, you know, or weight lifted off Brynne Erickson (21:55) Yeah. Drey Hill (21:56) me. Until I walked out of his office. And I realized right there I broke the rule. We don't share with anybody. And I drove home and I was like, well, it's done, right? I was like, it's already Brynne Erickson (22:08) Yeah. Drey Hill (22:08) out there. They can't share anything, you know, doctor-patient confidentiality type thing, you know, and Brynne Erickson (22:11) Yeah. Drey Hill (22:15) and you know, not knowing, you know, I mean, the community, the LDS community. I mean, there's a closed door is a closed door, but it can still be shared with somebody. And and so I went home. And as a good scared of his mother boy, I broke down and told my mom, hey, I told President McEwen that dad was gay. And She put me back in the car. We drove back to the steak center and I had to go beg him to not tell anybody. Brynne Erickson (22:43) Wow. Drey Hill (22:44) And so I still had the anger towards my dad a bit. And so I went to went to Florida. So Utah, Washington, small hick town in Washington, that was my life, right? And like you mentioned, we didn't know anybody that was gay. We didn't know any of that. I'm going to Florida thinking Brynne Erickson (23:04) Yeah. Drey Hill (23:05) my dad is. great dude but a piece of crap at the same time like and angry with the community, his community, angry with him, like and it took me till I got to a place, it was in Boynton Beach area and it's called Wilton Manor. it's a gay community. And this was probably maybe close to a year, my mission. I was there and I was riding my dad every week. And all this and but it was still kind of that I still had that in the back of my head, just I can't believe it, I can't believe it. Like knowing I need to forgive him, knowing I n I still love him, knowing that God still loves him, but Brynne Erickson (23:42) Yeah. Drey Hill (23:45) it's like how do I personally forgive this guy? You know, for what he did and all this. And I was in an athletic store, kind of a funny story, and this is kind of what broke it for me. we're in Wilton Manor, an athletic store, and me and my companion, I forgot we were buying. But these two guys behind me, they were buying roller skates. And one of the gentlemen hit on me, said that I was very attractive, and wanted to know if I wanted to go roller skating with them. And I remember because I in my mind I'm like, what the heck is this? Right? Like, you know, what's this guy doing? And I had a choice to make. Knowing what I shared, like I'm angry with my dad, the lifestyle, knowing Brynne Erickson (24:27) Mm. Drey Hill (24:28) that it damaged us, kids and all this. And I could go after that and be angry and be a jerk or ignore the guy. Or I could turn it around and be positive, play around and flirt back a little bit and make the guy make the guy laugh. And that's what I chose was the ladder. Brynne Erickson (24:44) Mm. Drey Hill (24:46) And that one action, we ended up going to their house, talking to them, told them where, you know, hey, we're not into dudes, but Brynne Erickson (24:52) Ha. Drey Hill (24:52) you know, we'd like to talk. And we ended up me and my companion, I was the senior companion, so I mean you went on a mission too, so you they kind of They they get to push the junior companion as much as they want. So I told my companion we're going. And we went and we had we had Tam Pico with them. We had a meal with this guy and his boyfriend or husband. And that was the turning point. Brynne Erickson (25:16) Hmm. Drey Hill (25:17) That was where I'm like, my dad's still a dude. He's still a great guy. And that was a turning point where I why am I mad at a whole community? Why am I mad at my dad for this? Like He couldn't control it. He had a desire, he had a love for guys. And I remember I went home and I backed my apartment and I cried. And I was just like, why did I have so much anger Brynne Erickson (25:45) Mm-hmm. Drey Hill (25:46) towards my dad? Like I because I feel like I got a better understanding from these two guys in Will and Manner of my dad's wife. You know, neither one of them were married to a a woman, had kids. So it wasn't like it was just that. It was just I saw the good in these two guys. And it just kind of revived my testimony Brynne Erickson (26:08) Yeah. Drey Hill (26:09) of God loves everybody. You could be gay, you could be straight, you could be bi, you could be whatever you want to be. And you're still loved. You're still a person. And I went out there with a chip on my shoulder against that community. And I feel bad. I felt horrible. Wrote a letter to my dad. Apologizing and all this, like for the way I treated him. He didn't really understand it. He just thought I was stressed because I was going on my mission. He didn't realize I was angry at him. Brynne Erickson (26:39) Yeah. Drey Hill (26:40) But it took, and then I then my mission I met a lot. Gay elders who were gay. And Brynne Erickson (26:46) Mm. Drey Hill (26:47) I was like, man, there's more people out here. Like, you know, I mean, Elton John was rocking at the time when we were young. Brynne Erickson (26:52) Yeah. Drey Hill (26:53) And I remember Elton John on my dad's, he was on a Time magazine on my dad's desk. And I was like, You know, knowing he was gay. I was like, Well, now I know of two people. I don't know Elton John personally, but I know now my dad, br I guess three dad, Brian, and Elton John are all gay. But now in Florida, there's a lot more of Like there were missionaries who came from all over the US Brynne Erickson (27:08) There you go. Yes. Hmm. Drey Hill (27:15) who were they came out and said, I'm only out here because my parents made me come out here. But Brynne Erickson (27:19) Yeah. Drey Hill (27:19) hey, I'm gonna let you guys know I'm into dudes. Brynne Erickson (27:24) Hm. Drey Hill (27:25) And even some of them. Yeah, you doing that selfless act that where they were like, I'll sleep out on the couch if that's where you guys want me, 'cause that's if you guys feel safer, not sharing a room. I I didn't have any of them as any of those guys as companions, but I lived in apartments with them. And I was like, Nope, all good, dude. Like so we would sleep all out in the family room. That one guy, he's like, I'll sleep on the couch. We pulled all of our mattresses out to the family room, and that's where we slept every night. Just to because we loved the guy. And but also it was like didn't want him to feel different. This was obviously after the Wilton Manor situation, but it's like didn't want him to feel any different. So we slept out every night. We would talk to each other, laugh, make jokes, make jokes at him, he'd make jokes at straight people, it was great. And Brynne Erickson (28:14) Ha ha Drey Hill (28:15) but it was it was there. That mission was my biggest turning point for the gay community and my dad was just and realizing all this stuff I learned coming up that we thought, you know, it was bad, it was bad, it was bad. I mean, we can still have our opinions. We may disagree with the lifestyle, you know, like guys liking guys, girls liking girls, but it's they're still people. We don't have to like everything that each other do in our lives. Like but they're still people. They're still children of God and they still deserve love. Like I mean I'm pretty sure I do stuff that like or I say stuff or I'm too open. That people are like Dre's a nut job. I don't like Dre, you know, or Dre talks like this, or Dre, and I swear like sometimes, and I can't believe Dre said the F word. Like, but it's like, but I'm happy with who I am because my relationship with God and with Christ is strong enough that it's like I know that they love me for me. So I have to love my dad for him. Brynne Erickson (29:20) Yes. Drey Hill (29:21) And so it was kind of that was my big turning point. of accepting him and our relationship turned around after that. It was he became my best friend. Brynne Erickson (29:32) Because you were Drey Hill (29:32) So I mean Brynne Erickson (29:32) willing eat to see it a different way. Like you wanted to. And when the opportunity presented itself, you were like, Okay, I have a choice here. I can stay angry and bitter or I can choose another way. There's always another way. And I think that that's that was what Jesus came for. Was to just show there's always another way. Even when everyone says, This is how you treat these people, this is the way we look at them, this is the way we talk about them. He's like, No, I'm not doing that anymore. Like I'm gonna lead with compassion and love, always. And isn't it interesting that we as humans want to group people and like attack or be angry at an entire group of people when only one or maybe a few individuals that 10 that happen to be a part of that group. Like, isn't that so when we kind of step back, it's like, isn't that ridiculous? Like, what was I thinking? Like, but in our, I call it like our natural man, like Drey Hill (30:43) Mm-hmm. Brynne Erickson (30:44) the mind that is the one that gets offended, and the toddler mind, kind of, right? It's like, I can't, you're all mean to me. Like nobody likes me, everybody hates. Me. And for some reason, I think the whole purpose of being here is like overcoming that and stepping into love. And rather than subscribing to that messaging and looking for reasons to love. Like it takes work. Like sometimes it's harder than other times to be like, okay, how can I truly see the way God sees? If God loves everybody, you said it perfectly. God loves everybody regardless. Of how they talk, what they think, what they wear, who they love. They're all worthy and lovable in his eyes. So how can we do the same? And that's hard work to do sometimes, include like even ourselves. Like a part of my journey, it's been hard to love myself all the time. Even when I show up in certain ways that I'm not proud of. Drey Hill (31:46) Yeah. No, it's true. And it made me that was really yeah, that was a lot of truth you spoke there. So I appreciate that. And it was I forgot who it was on a podcast you talked about how why do we do that? Like our natural selves, right? Brynne Erickson (32:00) Yeah. Drey Hill (32:00) And on a podcast, some dude on Rogan, he's got thousands of now, so but he was on there and he talked about how we're tribal. We have to be in a tribe. And so I've so when you're saying that it's like I was thinking It's like how much of that is we're in a group, right? We wanna we're standing in a group of people. We respect the people and somebody says something, Hey, I don't like that guy 'cause he's wearing these style of Nikes or I can't believe he's wearing, you know, that outfit out in public and and it's like and he said it's we wanna impress our tribe. We wanna be part of a group. We feel like we have to be connected. Even if we disagree with it, or if we subconsciously we're gonna agree with that person, like, I can't believe it either. Like Just 'cause you want to impress. And bringing that kind of up is I'm then thinking more now is just how much of that was my anger towards my dad. You know what this means? Like I found people who weren't fans of people who liked who liked gays. And and Brynne Erickson (33:02) Yeah. Drey Hill (33:03) it's like how much of it like did I actually follow that? Like now I mean we got Instagram, we got YouTube, we got you could type one thing and you're down a rabbit hole for days, you know what mean? And Brynne Erickson (33:11) Yes. Drey Hill (33:14) But how quick that just flips, you know, like your whole mindset. It's like, you know, I mean, kind of shifting gears a little bit from my dad and that whole part was another part of my journey was I went through a leadership training and out in Vegas. and it breaks what was that? Yeah, postmission, yeah. Brynne Erickson (33:33) Postmission? Postmission or recently or okay. Drey Hill (33:39) And still figuring out who I am and been married for quite some years and Then following in that Instagram is I followed these same two guys. They were like the guys I followed the most. And I would and it got so bad that it would be, what would these guys do in this situation? 'Cause I wanted to be so much like right? And one of them goes to church, one of them doesn't. And I leaned more towards the guy. He was born in the church, raised in the church, the guy that left. But I leaned more towards him. And it came And this leadership training, it it first class is all about you. The first module or yeah, class is all about you, breaking you down. And I'm standing there in Vegas. For all of us who've been to Vegas, you never think you're gonna bawl your eyes out, and you know, you go there for fun for other stuff. I end up in a hotel room bawling my eyes out because it's the first time that I saw myself wearing my clothes. For years I saw this guy. Wearing my clothes. It would always be, what would this guy do? And it got so the cell the imposter syndrome. It was him. I saw in my marriage, it was, I felt like, how would he handle these situations in marriage? How would he handle how would he act if he was married to my wife? Brynne Erickson (35:02) Huh. Drey Hill (35:03) And that's and it was I was low at that point, like when I found this guy. My stepdad had died of pancreatic cancer. And I was going through some dark stuff of myself just and I found this guy when Instagram was newer, now it's too big, but Brynne Erickson (35:21) Mm-hmm. Drey Hill (35:24) and found him and followed him all the way up until I was probably this was four years ago, five years ago, so early Brynne Erickson (35:31) Hm. Okay. Drey Hill (35:32) 30s, you know, not not to age me too much, but Brynne Erickson (35:35) Ha ha. Drey Hill (35:37) and and I felt horrible. I remember crying and just being like I've never been true to myself. I haven't been true Dre to Amber. I haven't been Dre. I have been this guy. So all through church, all through raising my kids, all through this, it was him, him, this random dude. I've met him, he lives here in Utah, met him at a hockey game a few times and all this, and and it was like it changed everything, changed my whole look on my life, my relationship with Christ, my relationship at the church, my belief, and it came in gave me more confidence. Where now that tribe situation rap bringing it back around is at times I feel like I'm in my own tribe. I'll go to church. And I feel like I'm in my own tribe. I'm a tribe of one and it's Dre Hill. Like, you know, I'll sit there in Sunday school and I'll share comments. And I know I shouldn't say no, I feel that there's probably guys in there or women in Sunday school who are like, like I mentioned earlier, like I can't believe Dre just said that, or I can't believe Dre felt like that. Like or that's Dre's belief. And it's and I feel like my belief's a lot more open. than thanks Brynne Erickson (37:01) It is. Drey Hill (37:03) than than the LDS culture. I the elders culture kind of has walls and I'm just like well my tribe lives outside these walls like we could see them we believe in a lot of this stuff here but we think some stuff's a little too much so we kind of hang out outside and which isn't wrong because being because loving myself my marriage has gotten better Brynne Erickson (37:28) Mm. Drey Hill (37:28) raising my kids has gotten better. My relationship with God and with Christ and with like my family members who've passed is like it's gotten better. Like I feel more open, I can share who I am and not give your typical I call them to primary answers of Brynne Erickson (37:48) Mm. Drey Hill (37:49) read the scriptures and you know, or pray and all this type of stuff. And where I mean that's what the culture tells us, you know, you do these things and you're gonna be blessed for it. Well, we'll be blessed, but I mean I think you were there that Sunday I shared about me and Amber's miscarriage we had. We followed everything, right? We did everything Brynne Erickson (38:07) Mm-hmm. Yeah. Drey Hill (38:09) the church was supposed to tell us. We were praying, I was reading my scriptures, we fasted, we did everything we were asked to do. And in the culture, if you do that stuff, you're not supposed not supposed to have anything bad happen to you or any challenge that's too hard. And that was a time where I questioned God. I'm like, why the heck are you doing this to me? I'm doing everything that you're asked do. That you're s asking me supposedly to do, not knowing that that's something that I needed to go through to strengthen my relationship with God. I left him. Like I'll flat out tell on here, like I was so angry with them, I didn't pray. I didn't want to talk to them. And but it was my wife and her family and my family and friends who were just like, dude, we get it, you're mad, it's hard, but you're not gonna get a challenge. That's not gonna be too difficult, like without the help. And I think that's a lot of things is like I think I personally feel like we aren't told enough is that we have the help. We see Brynne Erickson (39:10) Mm. Drey Hill (39:10) these challenges that are huge, but we have the help from God. You know, our heavenly parents, Christ, all that. So these challenges that seem too big for us to climb or fight through, or however you want to word it. It's not just us here on earth, but it's those on the other side, those angels, those Heavenly people who are right there by our side to get us through it. And going through that and going through a lot of stuff in my life is strength my testimony to that is just we can all have the same beliefs for the most part, but we can also have different beliefs. And back again is like God's not gonna leave us, Christ isn't gonna leave us, and our darkest, deepest holes we can get into, he's still gonna be right there. His Brynne Erickson (39:57) Mm-hmm. Drey Hill (39:58) hand's still gonna be stretched there. And being like, Hey, I'm gonna keep going as far as you wanna go in here, but Brynne Erickson (40:04) Yeah. Drey Hill (40:04) just know. I'm just one call away, just like that famous song by Sean Mendez. Like it's a he's the one that's singing one call away or whatever. Brynne Erickson (40:13) I can't remember. Drey Hill (40:14) It's okay. I have a teenage daughter, so if you don't know the song, I it's fine. I I've heard it, but but yeah, it's like just one call away and or just you know, just ask. That's all it really Brynne Erickson (40:25) Yeah, he's right there. Drey Hill (40:26) is. Brynne Erickson (40:27) Yeah, like I I don't know how much of scripture we're supposed to take literally or figuratively, but that one, like I'm at the door. Like, ask and you shall receive. Knock and it'll be open unto you. Like I've never left you. Like you've chosen to believe that. And so I am all for switching that narrative. That doesn't matter what you're doing in life, who you're hanging out with. God's always there. Jesus is always there. You just have to choose to reach out to them and and create a relationship with them. And I love that switch of like wording that we're using in the church, that connection, that relationship when we're talking about temple and covenants and all that. I think it that's really beautiful. Like it's about that relationship that you choose to have with with God. And that's such a beautiful thing. Drey Hill (41:25) How cool that painting of Christ knocking on the door? Because there's no handle. I didn't know till Brynne Erickson (41:29) Okay. Drey Hill (41:30) I was probably like older. Like I saw that painting all through primary, never paid attention until I like older. And they're like, there's not a handle on the other side. And it changed the whole view of that painting Brynne Erickson (41:38) Uh-huh. Drey Hill (41:40) for me forever. And I was like, like, you know, you mentioned that scripture, and I'm like, that's it. If they're how true is that painting? Because he can't open the door. Brynne Erickson (41:51) yeah. And in fact, that painting is in the foyer at our church. And we were in foyer today for a sacrament and my oldest turned around and looked at me like, Mom, what's that story about? And I was like, I love that story actually. And so I just told him briefly that I forgot about the handle though. I should tell him that. He'd probably appreciate that and be able to make a connection with that. Drey Hill (42:15) Yep, it's just that one little detail that kind of just makes the whole painting. Brynne Erickson (42:17) Yeah. Mm-hmm. Drey Hill (42:20) No handle. He's just knocking. He's just gonna keep knocking. Until you open that door. So Brynne Erickson (42:24) Yeah. You have to open the door. Yes. Drey Hill (42:27) he's that annoying teenager who won't leave you alone, you know, when you're all and want to go to bed. He's just sitting there and just keeps knocking on the door. He's like, Come on, I know you're in there, Bryn. Yeah, exactly. Yep. Exactly, yep, exactly. Brynne Erickson (42:31) Yes. Talk to me. What's going on? Let's debrief. Yes, I love it. man, your sweet mother, your sweet father, your amazing stepdad. Like my gosh, what a unique scenario, truly. Just I think that's just what overwhelms l me is there's just so much love in your story. Like so many people just trying one to be human and Drey Hill (43:05) Mm-hmm. Brynne Erickson (43:06) honor what they believe and what they feel and who they wanna be. and just loving each other and trying to take care of each other as best as you can while honoring who you are. And I think that's an important piece because then you've got the people that give, give, give selflessly. but then feel burnout and resentment because they've just given and then they don't do anything for themselves. And then you've got the people that are just all about me and then create anger and resentment because nobody likes them, because they're just all about them. So I think it's this fine balance of both. And it takes a lot of allowing and trying to understand, and even if you don't understand, choosing love anyway. And I don't have I don't think there's one set way of what that's supposed to look like. It's not like there's a prescribed this is how we love this group of people and this is how we love this person and this is the right way to be a grandma or be a sister-in-law or to have a relationship in these scenarios. Like if we only and I love that you brought up this Instagram, this influencer that you looked up to, because I think that's a real thing in this world where we're always a lot of people are trying to be or mimic. Someone that they're not, even in bodies, like I wish my body was like so and so, especially as a woman. And that's never going to happen. Like you're never ever going to be that person. You can maybe try to be like them, but who are you? Like what amazing gifts and perspective and experiences have you been given that you can bring to the world to help lift and love others? Like stop trying to be so and so. You can find pieces that you want to incorporate into your life. That's fine. But like what is your inner voice telling you? And what gifts do you have to share with the world? So I think that was really that was a good reminder. Drey Hill (45:11) You're welcome for that. Yeah. And yeah, kind of like another thing with my dad with that is I told him when I came back from that training and told him, hey, you know, I balled my eyes out in Vegas. Been to Vegas multiple times with him, seen musicals with him, like, Brynne Erickson (45:25) Mm-hmm. Okay. Drey Hill (45:27) you know, and all this stuff. And and I told him, I was like, man, I was like, I failed myself, dad. Like Brynne Erickson (45:32) Mm. Drey Hill (45:33) I totally failed myself. Like, I wasn't me. Like, I've been this guy. I let him take over. And kind of like like what you said, is like he's like, Yeah, he goes, Well, he's like, I'm happy that you figured this out. But he's like, But you know, your wife still loves you, your kids still love you, even though you were impersonating or attempting to impersonate this guy. Your kids still love you. But he's like, But he goes, now you get to do repentance for yourself and with them, and just now you get to express who you are. And express the person that you were meant to be on this earth and that God wants you to be on this earth. And he goes, ultimately, it's happy, Dre. To love everybody and to be happy. He goes, to love life, the goods and the bads. And and I mean, he's one who dealt with it. I mean, medically, he was his kidneys were getting shot at Brynne Erickson (46:29) Mm. Drey Hill (46:30) this time. Like he was so because of medications he was taking to he had HIV. And Brynne Erickson (46:34) Yeah. Yeah. Drey Hill (46:36) so it was constantly dealing with. That where he thought near the end of his life was nearer than it was. So he found God a lot more as I got older. And so it was a like that conversation was just He's like, you know, I know my choices, I know how it's affected you, I know how it affected your mom, I know how it affected people around me. He's like, but he's like I strived to live a happy life. Your mom, you kids, were part of my happy life. Brynne Erickson (47:13) Mm. Drey Hill (47:14) He goes, you know, he's like and you know, he's like talking about the church. He goes, I loved hearing about the kids' baptisms and what the kids have learned and talking to the he loved talking to them about the church. With them knowing grandpa doesn't go to church. You know, like the only time he comes to church is primary programs. You know, like but he loved he'd ask What did you learn? What was your favorite song and why was that your favorite song in the primary program? So he wal he always brought into a lot of our conversations that we would have and you know, and he said, Even the hard times I'm going through, he's like, I know he's still there. He goes, I know I can pray and ask for help. I know as I as he laid in hospital beds and he's like, I know he's right here. And I'm doing my best to keep tears back, but That's why my face is going red. It's just fighting them. But it's just, I mean, having this conversation, I was telling my wife before, she's like, Are you ready for this? Are you ready? Cause I mean, I haven't thought about my me and my dad's relationship coming up with him and his lifestyle for years. Brynne Erickson (48:29) Hm. Drey Hill (48:29) Like, I would I shared it here and there for a while, but it's like we were in such a good place. I didn't think about the time where I got angry at him and and thought about all that hurt that he brought to the family and was like so thinking about it is like man how much do of it how much of it do I want to share? How much but it's like if I I feel like if I leave any part of it out then it doesn't give the full experience of what I went through to get to have a love for my dad. Because if I held on to that anger I don't know there would be that great of a relationship. I don't think I would have got a best friend out of the situation. I think I would still invite him to come to family things, still come to f you know primary programs, but I think our relationship would have been different if I held on to it. If I didn't run into that gay couple in Wilton Manor, if I didn't come across elder like missionaries who were who were gay or 'cause that turned it all around. Now I've got plenty of friends. Who have a boyfriend or a girl that has a girlfriend and and I don't look at him different. Brynne Erickson (49:41) Yeah. Drey Hill (49:41) And where I know there's still people out there who do, and I'm like, it doesn't make sense to me. How? Like, you know, like I may not be a hundred percent on board. I may think that, hey, you know, like I, you know, but it's that's your life. You're happy, that's all that matters, is the happy part. I'm still gonna love you no matter what. You can come in with leprosy and You know, and told, Hey, you can't touch me 'cause I have leprosy, you may get it. Great, I'll give you a hug. And now guess what? Brynne Erickson (50:09) Mm. Drey Hill (50:10) Now we both have leprosy. So that's you know, like it's just the love. Like I don't care what anyone's going through or who they are as a person. It's like what you said is love. That's ultimately what it comes down to because it's mentioned multiple times in scriptures in the Bible, the Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, we're only gonna be judged upon our deeds and our heart. Brynne Erickson (50:31) Yeah. Drey Hill (50:32) And I know I paraphrased the scripture, but but that's as what that's what you're gonna be judged on. And that's honestly what Brynne Erickson (50:37) Mm-hmm. Drey Hill (50:38) I believe it is. Because we're all gonna make mistakes. We're all gonna get in fights with our spouses. We're all gonna have like we're all gonna Brynne Erickson (50:44) Yeah. Drey Hill (50:45) say things we're gonna regret. But it's like, but it comes down to you know, do we forgive the person? Do we forgive ourselves? Do we love ourselves? Brynne Erickson (50:55) Yeah. Drey Hill (50:56) Do we love the person? And how did we treat that person? You know, and so I honestly believe that's what it comes down to is we're all on different paths. I never believed we were all on the same path back to heaven. I think Brynne Erickson (51:10) Yeah. Drey Hill (51:11) Brynn's got her own single path that she's on. I've got my own single path that I'm on, but our paths get close enough that we interact with each other. But then when you move away or the friendship ends or whatever, their path makes a left or you do, and it separates, then you find somebody else. And it's Brynne Erickson (51:28) Yes. Drey Hill (51:28) how much impact can you bring to those around you to lift them up. That's what Christ Brynne Erickson (51:32) Yeah. Drey Hill (51:33) did. He didn't care if they were filthy rich or they were as low as the dirt. He still showed the same amount of love to every single person. Brynne Erickson (51:44) Yeah. Drey Hill (51:45) And that's ultimately what we have to do at the end, you know? Or at least I believe. There's probably people who are gonna listen to this and be like Dre's a nut job. Like there's more to it. And great. I hope you do. I don't think I'm a nut job because I'll be the Brynne Erickson (51:53) Maybe. Yeah. Drey Hill (51:57) sidewalk prophet who's saying there's two rainbows, you know, and And saying the world's coming to an ad. Get ready. Brynne Erickson (52:07) man. Yeah, I'm learning a lot about how do we love people even as they change? And especially if they're changing in a direction that you don't agree with. Or how do we love people when we've been hurt? How do we forgive? and I'm not opposed to like Taking time and distance and I understand like boundaries can be helpful and necessary Drey Hill (52:39) Yeah. Brynne Erickson (52:40) depending on the situation for sure. But I like to think that if there is a way or if we ever feel the prompting to maybe give it a second try or try to mend or heal the relationship or see it a different way, I know that we can. And there's always multiple ways of seeing a situation, even if it's unconventional or unpopular. And I love that. I think it's I think it's a beautiful thing. I do want to know, when did you start talking openly about more openly about your dad, or do you still kind of pick and choose when you bring it up? Drey Hill (53:20) No, so that's a good question. It was my mission. I came back from my mission and I kinda threw that rule, if you will, out the window. Brynne Erickson (53:30) Yeah. Drey Hill (53:32) Because I came home and I was at my house for a week when I came home and I was like, I'm not doing this. And I was like, I have to get out. So I started talking to people and I was open about it. And my mom, I mean, she may listen to this 'cause my whole family knows I'm coming on this podcast so they're all looking forward to it. But Brynne Erickson (53:53) Good. Drey Hill (53:54) but I mean it took her by surprise when I first was open about it because she was still in Richfield where I grew up in Washington. And I mean I my sister was still in high school when I came back. And so I guess in a way I was open about it, but I was careful in Richfield and in Washington. Just because for respect to my sister. But when I left the house and after I met Amber, I'm I lived with her for a week and before I went to BYU Idaho, but I was super open after. And one of my favorite roommates I had at BYU Idaho was gay. Brynne Erickson (54:41) Really? Drey Hill (54:42) and he was the type, you know, when us, I mean, well, me thought of a gay person. Like the whole flamboyant see, the whole dressing super nice. Yeah. Stereotypical Brynne Erickson (54:50) Uh-huh. Like stereotypical. Mm-hmm. Drey Hill (54:53) gay person. This was this guy. That was him to the T. He had he would wear a boa. He walked around in his underwear. He loved it. Brynne Erickson (55:03) Wow. Drey Hill (55:03) He would change our house, our apartment, constantly, redecorated. It was going to interior design. And my best friend and I went to school there. The only way I was going to BYU Idaho if my best friend went with. Brynne Erickson (55:17) Okay. Drey Hill (55:17) And he he and I went there and we had discussions on this guy of how do we control him. 'Cause even he was a lot. He was a lot to handle. He was very energetic, very outgoing and all this. And Brynne Erickson (55:32) Mm. Drey Hill (55:34) we came up that we just we accepted. We let him redecorate our house, like our living room area if we want to. I mean I kid you not, Bryn. I mean he We left for the weekend. We would go every other weekend. We'd be gone. He stayed. And Brynne Erickson (55:51) Mm. Drey Hill (55:51) he we came back. Every page of the phone book was ripped out of the yellow pages and was in our you know, hanging up all along the wall. We came back and he's like, Pizza's over here, shopping's here, like and he wore these crazy outfits and we Brynne Erickson (56:07) Mm. Drey Hill (56:08) loved him. I gave him a hug and said, This is the prettiest apartment I'd ever seen and I was full online to the guy. But he was so proud of the work that he put into it that I gave him a hug. And I mean, so even then it was like we had other roommates who didn't want anything to do with him. But it was me and my friend. I mean, when he stripped down, we stripped down. Just Brynne Erickson (56:30) Ha ha. Drey Hill (56:31) to make him feel comfortable. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, and I'm a big guy, so I mean I'm not the best looking when I strip down. But but it was like just to make him feel comfortable and let him know that we love him. Me and my best friend. Walk in, shirts off, pants off, and we're we're walking around the apartment, you know, and and we'd watch shows together and all this and so it just comes back down just to it was love. I mean my wife met him, thought he was great. and then here's another story of my mo my wife and my dad. So I was scared to let Amber know that my dad was gay. Brynne Erickson (57:09) Hmm. Okay. Drey Hill (57:12) I was petrified. just because I didn't know how she was gonna take it. Brynne Erickson (57:16) Yeah. Drey Hill (57:17) I was open with everybody and but when I told Amber, I was like, Hey, there's something I need to tell you. We were driving to his apartment and and she's like she knew, she was like, He's gay. And I was like, Yeah, how did you know? Because my dad's not the stereotypical. He wore dressed very nice. He didn't want anyone, he didn't show that he was gay to anybody. And yeah, Brynne Erickson (57:42) Yeah. Made a traditional friend. Mm-hmm. Drey Hill (57:45) yeah. And so I was shocked and I was like, You're okay with it? She's like, yeah. And that was like one of the definitely one of the nails in the coffin that I was like, we're getting married. Like, you know, Brynne Erickson (57:56) Ha ha ha. Drey Hill (57:57) I'm gonna hook the ball and chain to this person right here, you know. But it took my surprise of how much she was okay with it. Like she'd met him before, all this, but it was never I guess when I said I'm gonna go meet him, it was I was introducing this wife to her. Brynne Erickson (58:15) Yes. Drey Hill (58:16) And so she was gonna meet to me was gonna meet my real father, not Brynne Erickson (58:22) Mm-hmm. Drey Hill (58:23) the traditional hey, he's single and you know, all this and he's looking out there for a woman. It was I'm introducing you to here's my wife that I've kept hidden. for years Brynne Erickson (58:37) Yeah. Drey Hill (58:37) of my life that you're gonna get you're gonna come into this world. And she was fully open and she's like, I love your dad. So we have a lot Brynne Erickson (58:45) Mm. Drey Hill (58:45) of fun and so that was kind of another reason another way that I opened up more. 'Cause I was like, Brynne Erickson (58:50) Yeah. Drey Hill (58:50) Well, if she's okay with it, she grew up in the church and all that, it's like if she's that accepting, Brynne Erickson (58:55) Yes. Drey Hill (58:55) then why do I need to hide it more? So I've been super open. I just like and my mom's shocked. She was shocked when I first I was like, I'm telling everybody, everybody at work and All this, you know, and you know, and it was just she couldn't believe it. And I don't know if it's just the generations type Brynne Erickson (59:14) Mm. Drey Hill (59:14) thing where it's like we don't talk about that type of stuff. Well to me, I'm like, why does it matter at the end of the day? And so yeah, I'm super open, long winded answer to your question, but super open about my Brynne Erickson (59:27) Ha Drey Hill (59:28) dad. And that was after my mission and opened the book. And now the book's just wide open. I tell everybody Brynne Erickson (59:33) Yeah. Drey Hill (59:34) if they wanna know about I'll flat out tell everything they want to know about and Brynne Erickson (59:38) Yeah. Drey Hill (59:39) and all that. Brynne Erickson (59:41) Yeah, well I I see this as a beautiful tribute to your dad. And Who was just another child of God trying to do their best here in this life to be a good dad, to be a good provider. A good partner, a good friend. And I would hope that we don't let certain parts of someone that we don't understand or even disagree with allow us to cast people completely aside. Otherwise, we would be missing out on such beautiful relationships and people that we could have in our lives otherwise. And that's just my mission with this podcast is how can we love better? How can we love ourselves and how can we love others? Which ultimately to me, that is loving God. Like it's to me, it's not loving God themselves first. It's how we love each other and how we love ourselves that honors and loves our God. Whatever that looks like for people, I'm very open to all different interpretations. And I'm grateful for that perspective that I have now too. But yeah, I you've been on my mind and my heart, Dre. And I'm so grateful for your willingness to come on and share your journey and your story and your families as well. So thank you so much. Drey Hill (1:01:23) You're welcome. Anytime anytime you wanna just talk about it, I'm more than open, so Brynne Erickson (1:01:28) Okay, well I appreciate it. You're the best. Drey Hill (1:01:31) Thanks. Thanks for having me.