Latest / Celeste The Therapist / Ep 475 From Chaos to Calm: Practical Steps to Achieve Life Harmony

Transcript

Ep 475 From Chaos to Calm: Practical Steps to Achieve Life Harmony · Celeste The Therapist

0:30
🎶 Music Outro 🎶 Hi.
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Okay, let me fix my mic. I'm all over the place today.
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All right. All right,
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you guys can see me. And let me get closer to the
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mic because I need that audio to be
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popping. All right. Hi. Hi, beautiful people. If
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you are watching me on the replay, thank you for watching me. If
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you have never been into any of my lives before,
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my name is Celeste. I'm a therapist from Boston. And I
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come on to talk about things people go through. And then
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I also help people navigate how
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to deal with it. I got a cough. Hold on. My
1:36
goal in doing this is to help shift the way you think. And so I've
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been podcasting since 2018. And July
1:45
2nd, 2024 will be six years of
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podcasting. Literally every single week, I've provided
1:52
people with a brand new episode. mostly talking
1:56
to people that are doing things to empower other people. But
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now that I'm building my group practice, so if you don't know, I have a group practice
2:04
that is going to be open and still in Massachusetts. And
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I am building out my team now, which means I
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have absolutely no time to podcast
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with other people. If you go to shiftingthewayyouthink.com
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or STW, You
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can find information on the
2:31
group practice. So last time
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we met, we talked about navigating the complexities of relationships. That
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episode is actually out streaming everywhere on all podcasting platforms.
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So if you are an audio podcast listener, you
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can find it there. But it's also on YouTube, Facebook, you
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can find the links everywhere. Today, we're talking about strategies
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for creating harmony in your life. And I
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know this is something that a lot of people want, but not sure how to
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get to that point. So I'm gonna just talk
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about why it's hard, and then I'm gonna break down
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the solutions. I don't have a lot of time today, so I'm
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gonna get through this content because I'm gonna give you guys these nuggets. And
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before we start with like navigating what harmony
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looks like, I just want you to understand what we're working with. I love a
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working definition. So according to
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the dictionary and psychology,
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harmony refers to a positive state of
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inner peace, calmness and balance, as
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well as the feeling of being tuned with the
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world. In the social sciences, it's
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used to describe a pattern of relationships within the social group in between individuals
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and their social context. I
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love the idea of peace, calmness, and balance. Those three words stuck out
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for me. And then if I asked you, do you want peace,
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calmness, and balance, I doubt anybody would say
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no. You know, that's one thing that I feel
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that I have in life. But it is something that I don't
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take lightly. And it is something that I have to continue to
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create. Like, I just can't wake up and say,
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I want to have a calm, peaceful, balanced life. And it happens. It
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doesn't work that way. So if it's something that you're thinking about as
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I'm talking about this and you're saying you want it, it doesn't just come and
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happen overnight. It's something that requires a lot of intention.
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When I think about the way we make time for things and
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the things we value, If you live in
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a society that promotes certain things in
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certain ways, you'll be surprised how much your value
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or what you think you want is going to look like society. Not
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just society, let's talk about family systems and culture. If
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you grew up in a culture that said that, you know, your
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goal in life is to be a doctor, or
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your goal in life is to be married, or your goal in life is to
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have children, or your goal in life is to get a college degree, That
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may not even allow you to make money, but create
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student loans. If that's what you've been taught, you'll be surprised at
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how you are creating time to live a life that doesn't
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even feel like it's designed for you. And also,
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when you think about success and what you want your life to look like,
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a lot of people think they know, but I know a lot of times you haven't actually sat
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down to look at what that actually looks like for you. And
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so you tend to make time for things that
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are tangible, right? You will set your alarm to go to work
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because you know if you don't go to work, you can lose your job and you won't
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get paid. And you will make time to say yes
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to somebody that needs you because guess what? Growing up, you've
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never had autonomy over your life and you were taught to do
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what people ask or else you'll be a selfish person, right?
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You were taught to fulfill the needs of others because of
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your abuse that took place. And so as an adult, you struggle
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with saying no. You were taught to be in certain friend groups
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a certain way because you guys have bonded over trauma or bonded over
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experiences. And now that you want to grow, you don't know how to get
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out of that place. One thing that's so important to
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understand is that if you want to work on creating harmony
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in your life, you're going to have to probably get rid
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of some of the old ideas. How do you get rid of old
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ideas if you don't realize like they're not meant for you? And
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so you have to really be mindful on the life that
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you're living. and be mindful if it's the life that
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I really want to live, or is this the life that society says I
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should live as a Black woman? Is this the life that my culture
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says I should live as a Caribbean person, right? Being
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mindful of that, because there are a lot of regrets people have. I
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actually just looked it up yesterday. Let me see if I can
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pull it up. There's these five regrets Uh, I looked up,
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I was thinking about, cause the number one regret I always knew, but I didn't know about
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the five regrets, um, five regrets of
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life. Um, this is important. Okay. I found it. Let
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me just share my screen really quick. Cause I want to show you this. Um,
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because it's like, why wait until we're on our deathbed to be like, Oh, I wish
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I had have done something. Right. You already have people that have been on
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their deathbed and have shared what they've regretted in
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life. And I want to just share that with you. Share screen. OK,
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here it is. All right. So if
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you see this five regrets, for people that are listening on
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audio, I'll read it. It says, number one, I
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wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself,
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not the life others expected of me. This is like the number one
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regret that people have. Number two, I wish
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I hadn't worked so hard. A lot of times we're working so
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hard for others and we're doing absolutely nothing for ourselves. Number
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three, I wish I had the courage to express my feelings. Emotions
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and feelings are something that I talk about a lot. Instead of
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us expressing them, we allow it to eat us away. And it
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really creates so much damage in our lives with being stagnant in
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life. It creates damage around us
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doing the things that we say we want to do. So much damage happens when
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we're not able to express our feelings. Number four,
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I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. This
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is something that's huge because what happens is life be lifing and
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then you're not making intentionality to be around the
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people that you truly love. It's so interesting how at
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funerals, we will fly across the country, we will do
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everything to be there. And the number one thing I hear, I'm
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always talking to people and I hear, you know, when people pass away,
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I wish I had of, And then the last thing it says, I wish I
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had let myself be happier. So these are the top
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five regrets of the dying. These are literally people that
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have shared their story with a nurse, with somebody
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that was around when they ended their life. Literally, you
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see what happens when you don't live your life. So it's kind
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of like thinking about what you will choose, right? Because my goal is to help shift
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the way you think. And so if you don't realize that, you
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know what, down the road, I don't want to live my life and
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be towards the end and think like, I wish I had have done X, Y, and Z.
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You don't have to do that, right? And so one of the
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things that we're going to do today is I'm going to talk about solutions, right?
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If you're somebody that wants to be more strategic in your life, if
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you want to create more harmony, we don't live in a culture that
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talks about harmony. It's a lot of dysfunction that happens in
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our culture. If you're in America, a lot of dysfunction and
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that dysfunction we're surrounded by. There's a
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lot of dysfunctional energy, sometimes even in your own home environment, right?
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So sometimes you grew up in dysfunction. Sometimes you
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may not have a dysfunctional life, but the way
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you're seeing it, like you're creating dysfunction, right?
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So sometimes if you grew up in dysfunction, you still create
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it with the way that you think. A lot of times people are their
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battle, the biggest battle that you're going to face is in your mind, right?
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A lot of times you don't realize it's not what's outside of you, it's the internal
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thought process and the way you're talking to yourself that's creating so
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much harm in your life. So if you want to think about
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how can I work on creating more strategies in
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my life because I do want harmony. And the three keywords that
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sticks out when I think about harmony are the
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balance that I want, the calmness, and that
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inner peace, right? Because when you get that inner peace,
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no one can take that away from you. I have so much calmness
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and inner peace And don't get me wrong, there's moments
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where I feel like it's chaotic, especially if I'm doing new
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things. But at baseline, it's a very calm and
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peaceful life. And I realize the society is chaotic. I
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realize things are still happening around me. But I am
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mindful on not allowing it to dictate the lens on my
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left, the way I'm viewing my life. So number one, let's talk
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about solutions. So if you are listening to this, if you're a writer and
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you want to write this down, in school, I always took notes.
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it takes a while for me to learn. So I read, I
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listen and I'm a note taker. Um, it takes a while for
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me to process. The one thing I could process really easily is if
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people are sharing their story and then in my mind it just does this thing
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where I'm like, okay, I get it. Anything outside of mental health, I
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need to like really break it down. Um, so number one,
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assess your life and be honest with yourself. What do you like and
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not like, right? If you want to work on creating
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harmony, If you want to work on being more strategic and intentional, you
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really got to be mindful of assessing where you are
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in life, not where you thought you would be, not where you
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wish you could have been, but where are you at right now in your life? What
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do you like or not like? Even if it's like, let's say it's a job. I don't like
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my job. You don't want to admit that because you got to get up and go to your
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job, but let's just name it. Let's start naming it, right? Sometimes
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when you think about finances, sometimes people are struggling and
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maybe they have spent a lot of money and they don't want to really look at what they
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have spent. And so it's kind of like, you know what, let's
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just face it. The moment you face it, it's not
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going to have that power over you. So if it's a relationship that
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you're in, you don't really want to think like, maybe this relationship isn't for
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me because I've been rocking, we've been rocking out for five years. And
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that means I would have wasted five years. Do you waste
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five more years? It's all about shifting your thought process. So
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number one, assess your life and be honest with yourself. Number
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two, make a conscious decision to be intentional. It's
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a daily thing. Being intentional is so daily. Uh,
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it's not, it's not one of those things where let's say you're listening to this
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podcast and you're thinking of, and I'm talking about these strategic ways
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to be harmonious in a chaotic world. And
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you say, Ooh, this sounds good. Like I think I'm do that. This
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broadcast is over. And then life happens. Remember
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you're surrounded by energy. That's full of chaos. You're surrounded by
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energy that wants you to look a certain way. You're surrounded by
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energy. that wants you to purchase things. They don't want you to see
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the power that you have within, because if you see the power that
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you have within, you're not going to be purchasing the things that keeps the
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system going, right? So really be mindful of making a
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conscious decision to be intentional about what
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you're choosing to do. Number three, we're going
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to make a schedule Pay attention to what you
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say yes to. Why do I want you to pay attention to
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what you say yes to? Because I promise you, I've
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been doing this work for so many years, you
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will tell yourself you don't have time to do the things
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that you need to do for yourself to start that business. You said you wanted to start
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to read that book you said you wanted to read, to go on that walk you said you
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wanted to go on. You're going to tell yourself that, right? Because you
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don't want to admit that maybe I'm like, My
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hands are in too many different places. Maybe I need to roll it in. But if I roll
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it in, that means I got to say no to somebody. And I don't want to say no to somebody because I'm
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going to feel bad. Think about that. You rather feel
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bad for saying no for that person and live
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your life full of not getting the things that you say you want
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to do. Tell me if that makes sense. It doesn't make sense at all.
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Ms. P Love says, it took me a while to do this. I'm so much better because
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of it. That's so good. And that's a great point. you
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know, as we're talking about this, it's going to take time for this
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stuff to come into place. Right. Cause I don't want you to think it's an overnight
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thing this morning. Right. I literally took a hike. I
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took a hike and, um, there was like a big
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tree that was in the middle of the road. And, uh,
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and so I, um, so, you know, my mind's, you know, I'm always thinking
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I actually, I was listening to a broadcast. I listened to
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like mental health, motivational speakers all the time. And,
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um, I was thinking about this analogy of
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like, I need to go around this tree. And
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I think about life and how there's
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a blockage, there's something that happened, there's a barrier that happened, right?
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Something happened. And instead of us
15:32
looking at the full picture, thinking about how can I get through
15:36
this, right? We stay stuck. we
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don't look at the full picture, we'll see the
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barrier. I see the tree, but I also see that I need to go a little bit
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further up, or I may need to cut some branches off,
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or I may need to hop over. I can't just keep walking straight,
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right? So you hit this detour in life, and instead
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of you thinking about what can I do differently, you
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sit there and you stay stuck. And so if I sat there
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at the tree and stayed stuck, time keeps passing me by. I
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might be like, oh, this tree is so big. There's too many branches.
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Or man, do I really want to go all the way up that hill to get around the tree?
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I'm using this as an analogy because literally that's what you're doing with your life
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is you're telling yourself it feels too hard. It's going to take too
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much time. And so as you're standing there at that
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crossroad, what's happening is life continues
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to go on. Right? You say you want to go to law school,
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but dang, it's going to take like five years. So
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then five years later, time is still going by. So why
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not start the process? Right? Can't tell you
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how many times people say they're too old to do something. I've heard so many
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stories of people starting a new career in their 30s, 40s,
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and 50s. So perspective is
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everything when you're thinking about how you're going to create change. And
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as Ms. Pilove said, it took her a while to get to that point.
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She would have never gotten to that point if she never made the first step to do that. Right?
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So a lot of times you may aspire to be somewhere or
17:10
do something like someone else, like they're very inspirational
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to you and it feels like it's something far-fetched. But
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in order for them to get to that point, they had to start at A. I
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can't go to Z without starting at A. I can't get to
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G if I don't go from A to B. And as I'm going from A to
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B, I got to make sure I'm celebrating those moments. Because if
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I'm not celebrating those moments, I'm going to just think about like, oh my gosh, I
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still got to get to Z. So really be mindful of that. So
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making a schedule and paying
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attention to what you're saying yes to. And the reason why I say making a schedule You
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need to make appointments with yourself non-negotiable. Too
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many times, the appointments we have with ourselves, the
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walk we say we're going to have, the hike we say we're going to go on, the
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book we say we're going to read, we'll say,
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yeah, we're going to do that. But then somebody says, oh, Celeste, let's go
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out. Or, oh, Celeste, let's do this. Oh, can you do this for me?
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And then we'll look at our schedule. Nothing's written down, right? Because we
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just said we want to do it. We didn't really make a conscious effort to put it
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in our calendar. I'm going to look at my calendar, and I'm going to say, oh,
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I can't. Just because I don't have to be nowhere doesn't mean that my
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time is dedicated to someone else, when I know that if I
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don't take care of myself, no one's going to do that for me. So
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you have to be mindful on making a schedule for yourself and
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paying attention to what you're saying yes to. And
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make sure you're part of that schedule and make sure your schedule is non-negotiable. The
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next three, the fourth one is setting goals in all areas of
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your life. Do I have a wellness wheel here? Yeah,
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I do. Setting goals in all areas of
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your life. And when I say all areas of your life, I mean this wellness
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wheel. So people that are listening on audio, these are different dimensions.
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If you Google wellness wheel, you'll find different variations. Sometimes
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people like to create their own and also make different pies for
19:06
a certain area they want to really be specific about. but
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your emotional life, like your wellbeing, environmental,
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financial, intellectual, occupational, physical, and social, and
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spiritual. So thinking about the areas of your life, and
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this is something I do with my people all the time, is
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especially if they're like, oh my gosh, I'm stuck, everything sucks. They'll
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say, everything's bad. I swear to you, I've
19:31
never had someone where I've gone through, they come to me, everything's bad. Okay,
19:34
everything's bad. And I just calmly say, OK, everything's bad.
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I meet them where they are. I pull out this wellness chart.
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I was like, all right, let's go over this. Let's break it down. And as we
19:45
begin to break it down, they start to be like, well, everything's not
19:48
bad. But that's what happens with your mind. Your mind starts to do this thing.
19:53
like all or nothing, right, where it doesn't acknowledge, especially if you're
19:56
not an intentional person about acknowledging the good, your
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mind will start to one area, let's say finances, which is
20:03
a huge area that can create so much mental turmoil for us.
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Let's say it's our finances, that's not well.
20:12
It can feel like everything's not going well. You could be reading that
20:16
book. You could be going for that walk. And you're not acknowledging the
20:19
things that you're doing, right? But your mind is only emphasizing
20:23
on that one area. I'm a very positive
20:27
thinking person. People in my life is like, dang, Celeste, you
20:31
always find a way to find the beauty in the struggle. You
20:34
can take a situation as hard as it is and you can rework it,
20:37
because I've trained my mind that way. But even as someone
20:42
who trains their mind that way and thinks that way, my mind still
20:45
gets into that negative space. right? Like I was going,
20:49
I wanted to do a three mile walk one time, but I woke up late and
20:53
I had appointments later. So I had to cut it down. So
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I finished, it was a mile and a half. And I was like, all right, I
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looked at my watch and then, um, My
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mind, my thought came in. If you follow me on Instagram, I
21:06
share a lot on Instagram. And the thought came in, it goes, yeah,
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but it was only a mile and a half. And I remember thinking to
21:13
myself, I laughed, right? I heard the thought, like it was only a mile and
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a half. And I was like, Nah, but I got up and I walked and I moved my
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body and that's what mattered, right? I literally answered that
21:23
thought. And the issue is, is that we're not answering that
21:27
thought, those, those thoughts that are coming in. We're just
21:30
like, dang, but I only did a mile and a half. We'll, we'll really like
21:33
be down on ourselves. We got up, we did that walk. But then
21:37
we'll make it into a negative thing. How? You know what I mean? So
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you have to be mindful of what you're saying. And setting goals
21:44
for the areas of your life is powerful. Because if
21:47
you're not writing it down and making it plain, where's your goals? Your
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goals won't be what's on that paper. Your goals is going to be what's on social
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media. Your goals is going to be what you're watching on TV. You
21:58
don't realize that, but if you don't, cause you know, the way society
22:01
says things should be a certain way or blah, blah, blah. I move at my
22:05
own rhythm. Like I don't go at the pace of society because
22:08
my goals are mindful on the direction I'm heading. And
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so if your goals aren't written anywhere, how do you know where
22:15
you're heading? You're going to feel like you're all over the place. The
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last two, so understand the fifth one. Okay, really
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quick. One, assess your life, be honest with yourself. Two,
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make a conscious decision to be intentional about your daily
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things that you're doing. You gotta be intentional. Number three,
22:33
make a schedule paying attention to what you're saying yes to, because if
22:36
you're not paying attention to what you're saying yes to, guess what's gonna happen? You're gonna
22:39
find yourself all over the place. Number four,
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setting goals in all areas of your life. Use the wellness will to do
22:49
that. Liz, rock
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the beat of your own drum. Yes, that's what I do. That's right. Um,
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okay. Number four. Yeah. Set areas and I'll set goals in
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all areas of your life. Now, number five. This is, this is
23:04
the kicker guys. Cause I already know you go get, you get
23:07
a little uncomfortable and you start to be like, I don't know about this Celeste. I
23:11
need you to understand that this is going to be very uncomfortable. Ain't
23:15
no way around it. Ain't no way around it. It's going to be mad uncomfortable. It's going to be so
23:19
uncomfortable. And this is why people don't
23:22
do the process. People aren't doing the process because they don't want to change. I
23:26
truly believe people really want to change. I truly believe that.
23:30
But I also understand that we're not used to discomfort, especially
23:33
in 2024. When we have social media
23:37
at our fingertips where any little emotion come up, we don't want to
23:40
deal with, we can just scroll and laugh, right? We can just look at something
23:44
else and distract ourselves, right? And then try to go to sleep and can't
23:47
sleep because all these things that we're not dealing with is sitting
23:51
in our head. And so when it comes to trying to
23:54
create this change and be very intentional, you have to
23:57
understand that this is going to be an uncomfortable process, But
24:02
with growth, there comes discomfort. If you're
24:06
just sitting around comfortable, then how are you growing? As
24:11
I'm building up my group practice and I'm learning so many
24:14
things, It's very uncomfortable, you
24:18
know what I mean? But I also recognize my goal at the end. So if
24:22
you're following along with these solutions and you're
24:26
going to use these and try to work on creating change in your life, you
24:29
really have to understand that this is going to be uncomfortable. But how
24:33
you deal with that discomfort is going back to number
24:36
four and looking at, OK, these are my goals. This is
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why I'm doing it. This is why I'm so uncomfortable. because
24:43
I have this thing at the end of the road that I'm waiting for. And as I'm
24:47
getting to that, I'm celebrating each moment of my life. Um,
24:51
list says people want to change, but they don't want to do the work that is required. Absolutely.
24:55
Absolutely. Like the Pete, like if you see the way I operate
24:59
in life, you know, this morning I literally woke
25:03
up and I did not want to move my, I didn't want to get out of bed. I wanted to stay in
25:06
bed. Staying in bed was very, very comfortable.
25:10
I'm not going to lie, me sleeping in is very comfortable. But
25:15
because my goals are imprinted so much in my mind, I
25:19
don't go off of what I feel like. And I can't tell you how many times
25:23
people will come to me and say, well, I don't have motivation. Motivation
25:27
doesn't just come out of thin air. It comes with the discipline, the
25:31
way you're training yourself. And so if you
25:34
say you want to do the things you want to do, you've got to ask yourself, what
25:38
am I doing to get there? What am I doing to
25:41
get there? And if you're not doing anything to get there, check
25:44
yourself. I said to myself, I wanted to read. At
25:47
the beginning of the year, I wanted to read more. And I remember a couple of
25:51
months ago, I checked myself, because I wasn't really reading
25:54
like I said I wanted to read. And I said, Celeste, what are you really doing
25:58
to read? I wasn't intentional about the process. So
26:01
then I created intention behind the process, because that was
26:05
something I said I really wanted to do. When I wanted to drink more
26:08
water, I put a sticky note on my computer. So
26:12
when this is the thing I come to every morning, so I can remember to
26:15
drink water. Right? So the things I say I want to
26:18
do, I'm very intentional about putting things and markers in place to
26:22
make it happen. The last thing I'll say is Continue
26:26
to assess and reset. There's times
26:30
and stages and areas of your life that maybe at this point, you
26:33
was going to do it this way. You were being conscious in this area. Your
26:37
schedule looked like this. Sometimes you got to rework the
26:40
schedule. Sometimes you got to rework the plan. And that's okay.
26:45
So Celeste, the thing I'm doing now, initially,
26:50
I was trying to do something different and it's
26:54
developed over the years. And I always tell people, if I didn't make
26:57
the first step to do the thing I said I wanted to do, I
27:00
wouldn't be here creating a group practice right now. My
27:05
goal wasn't that right. And at the years ago,
27:09
I said, I wanted to do some kind of wellness, something, but I didn't know what it was going
27:12
to look like. And it felt so hard. So I just abandoned the plan, but
27:15
I still kept doing something different. And I got to the point where
27:20
God brought me back to my original plan. Right. So
27:23
I need you to be mindful on thinking about if I want to create harmony
27:27
in my life, and I'm just going to remind you really quick about harmony, because
27:31
I know. I doubt anybody will say they don't
27:34
want harmony in their life. And when you think about harmony, I want you to think about
27:38
these words, a positive state of inner peace, calmness, and
27:41
balance, as well as the feeling of being tuned
27:45
with the world. So being mindful of the way that
27:49
you're operating and the discourse that you may be feeling inside.
27:53
A lot of people are feeling a lot of discourse because
27:57
they don't know what to do. And we're in such
28:01
a chaotic time in life. that you've really got to
28:04
wake up with intention and be mindful on
28:07
what you're choosing. Am I going to choose the
28:11
discomfort in this moment, right? Or am I
28:14
going to choose being comfortable? The
28:18
example of, am I going to choose sleeping in and not moving my
28:21
body, even though moving my body has so many benefits, to
28:25
my wellness, to me feeling like my
28:29
thoughts are being broken up, like I can have a clearer mind? Am
28:32
I going to choose that, or am I going to choose sleeping in? You
28:36
choose the short-term benefits versus the long-term benefits. We
28:40
all have choices. You just got to ask yourself what you're going to
28:43
choose. I hope this was helpful. I hope this makes sense. If
28:46
anything I ever say resonates for you, you got to understand that you
28:50
have power to create change. I can't say that enough. You got so
28:53
much power. Y'all got so much power. And that's why I
28:56
do this. I created this platform because
29:00
I really realized how much people don't understand their power and
29:05
the way that they can create change in their life. But you got to understand your
29:09
power. And when you understand your power, and you have faith and start to believe
29:12
in yourself. Remember, faith and fear are the same thing, but one feels better
29:15
than the other. What are you going to choose? Faith or fear. But
29:19
when you start doing that, understand that there's
29:22
no limit. You can just keep going and keep growing. Don't
29:26
forget, you can follow me everywhere by searching Celeste the Therapist.
29:30
And if you want to learn more about me, you can visit my website, celestetherapist.com.