Latest / Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce / Why Home Feels Like Failure To Successful Men | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep462

Transcript

Why Home Feels Like Failure To Successful Men | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep462 · Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Why men choose work over their wives and women, children over their husbands?
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_01: Sex list marriage, the number one relationship hack.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: Answer the question.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: The impact that impacts trust.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: Getting your partner on board.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Why men choose work over their lives and women, children over their husbands.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Moral Marriage Podcast, guys.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: And this question came in as why do men choose work over their wives?
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: But I thought it was important to bring up both sides.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's really powerful.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_01: So let's do that today.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Guys, I can tell you exactly why.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, go.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Well, one of you is miserable.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: So women choose their children because their children have not hurt them the same way that their husbands have.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: And it starts from the moment that child is born.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: This child is born perfect.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I call it the unexpected triangle.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: They fall madly in love with this child.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: You have this husband over here who is, I mean, you're perfect, so not this husband, but the husband that you have when you have your babies, all of a sudden all these feelings come rushing in.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: You need to take care of your baby, you're biologically wired, and your husband has not treated you perfectly.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so now you have you justify pouring your energy into this child, and your husband gets left out, and then it snowballs.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: He gets left out more and more and more.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: He gets bitter, he gets resentful, his behaviors might even increase and they become worse, and then you love your children even more because they're safe.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: For men, they might have I don't have a triangle, but I can explain it.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: But go ahead.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: So you may be wives, you might be a bitch.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: You might.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Listen, I call it cottage gotta call a spade a spade.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: If your husband has all these behaviors and you pour yourself into your children, why do you think your husband pours himself into work?
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: Why is work more fun than the person that he chose to spend the rest of his life with?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because it is more fun than the woman that he choose chose to spend the rest of his life with the whole thing.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: And you might be mean and you might not even know it.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: I have a new client and she said, and I brought this up a couple of podcasts ago, I was just so blown away.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: She's only she was only in module one, and she was like, her eyes were so open by the lessons I taught in module one.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: She's like, I realize I'm the asshole.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: I've been treating my husband horribly.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: She didn't even see it until she was like, until you said it, Catherine.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Then I was like, oh my gosh, I'm an asshole.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, that's why your husband works.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's why your husband goes and does a lot of things without you.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because you're a bitch.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: I think it starts differently though.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so I'm not gonna, I don't, I don't want to invalidate anything that Catherine just said, but um I think please don't get offended and say I called you a bitch, unless you're taking it that way.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: Well, then you probably are a bitch because you're offended.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: So, like, otherwise, like, come on.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: You only get triggered, guys, if it's something you need to work on, okay?
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: Otherwise, it wouldn't bother you.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if I called you a big fat purple cow and you're not a big fat purple cow, I'll add one thing too that you're milking.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like, if that's not you, then why would you take it personal?
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_01: Like, good God, we're not we're not talking to anybody in general, okay?
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: Or sorry, we're talking to everybody in general.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: We don't know you, but anyway, so men, I think it starts differently with men, bit.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_01: I think men don't know how to do home, and work is something that they work hard to be good at.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_01: They're taught to be providers, they're taught to succeed, they're taught that success makes a man, they're taught all these things, and when they can't do it right at home, they feel like a failure.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: Enter the children, and you feel like the the children get everything, and you still can't connect.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_00: And they love the wife, the mama so much.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yep.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so then what happens is it's easier to work.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because work is something you're good at.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: You don't feel like people like you there.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: You can be the best there.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: You're at the top of the food chain there.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: But at home, nobody loves you the most.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, think about some of the content.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: That's good, baby.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: Think about some of the content that that I put out.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: Like you're nicer to everyone else than you are to your wife.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's about a man living in the real world and everybody loves him.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: Okay?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: That man doesn't know how to go home and know how to be a great person, patient, kind, loving, maybe necessarily even a father when the kids come around.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: We're almost all count down the days to when we can have sex again.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: There's pressure, there's all this stuff.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: There's the dreams and the goals that you all provide, and you're trying to build this whole life, but you feel like you're not getting your needs met.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: You feel like a failure when you're not having sex.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: You feel like a failure when your wife doesn't look at you the same way.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: You feel like a failure when your time her time is split between the kids and you.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: You feel like a failure when you don't have all of these things that you thought providing was going to give you.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so what do you do?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_01: You escape.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: That doesn't stop there.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: How many of you guys, um, I don't want to generalize this.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: I'll just you, I'm not gonna say men do this and women do this, because I think it goes both, but just depends on who you are.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_01: But like, how many of you guys forget work or the children for a second?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: What else do you choose over your spouse?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: I know a basic that everyone does.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: Phones.
• 4:33
  unknown: Right?
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: How many of you guys cope with some form of substance or video games?
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_01: Work all day and come home and do, and that could be you moms too, right?
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: What is it that you're escaping with?
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: I would like you guys to look at this whole topic in a totally different way.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: How are you escaping from your husband or your wife?
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: I think if you can answer that question, you'll realize it's not about choosing work or choosing children over your partner or alcohol, the affair partner, it doesn't matter what it is, why are you escaping is the deeper question.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_01: And a deeper one is for the spouse that feels like they've chosen the other over you.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're the woman thinking he's chosen work over you, if you're the wife who thinks or the husband who thinks he's chosen you, she's chosen the children over you, why?
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: If they're escaping, why are they escaping you?
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I think that's the question of the day.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: It's not my wife.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_01: She's thinking.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, it didn't stop.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just saying, if you're if if they're escaping, why are they escaping you?
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: I already told you why.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: You're being a bitch.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: And husbands, you actually care too much about the kingdom.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_01: I can't tell you how many freaking men, I mean, I mean successful men, that get on the phone with me and they talk about, but I built all of this.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_01: And my my line is simple, and it almost always smacks me in the face, and it's one simple line that says, Yeah, but what good's the kingdom if you didn't build a home?
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even say castle.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: I say home.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: And they're like, oh my gosh, I built my career for 20 years.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: Ding ding ding.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_01: Ding ding ding ding ding.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: You guys, this is crazy because I don't know what it's like for the younger generation, but I know that people from 35 to maybe 40 to 60 years old at least.
• 6:22
  SPEAKER_01: We've all seen a thousand things or heard a thousand things on when somebody dies and what they regret.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: And every rich person always says the same thing.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: Their family.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_01: Guys, now we're seeing all kinds of people because gray divorce is this big fucking topic now.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody's leaving when the kids are moving out and all the shit, everybody's getting divorced.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_01: Why?
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's just like the regrets that you have when you die and you only have money and you don't have the family.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: Your kids are moving out, you don't have a spouse anymore.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's the same thing.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: You guys have to start choosing.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: If you can figure out why they're escaping, you, if you can figure out why you're escaping them, and I don't mean what they're doing wrong, I mean why are you escaping in general?
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, is that clear?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: Do I have to explain that more?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I think you're good.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: Then, thank you.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: Then from there, then I want you to think about why aren't you choosing them?
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's really simple.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: Say your homework is simple.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: Because you're a bitch.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: Both of you.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: Excuse me, you both are.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: You both are, and I know you're a bitch.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: Bitch is a really good term right now, actually, guys.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: If you gotta get want to get really real with yourself and rob with yourself right now, calling you a bitch or accepting that you've been bitchy or being a bitch is such a great term because a bitch is the only kind there's only one thing that that's common with every single person that's a bitch.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: And I mean like a little bitch.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: What do we think?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: That person's a victim.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: Sitting there crying, sitting there pity party, sitting there fucking blaming.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's a little bitch.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, we teach, not me, Dennis teaches that in the program.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: He's like, stop being a little bitch in one of his lessons.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: Victims be victim.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: And you say victims be victim.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: I like that you called, it's not just women.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: I like that we say this.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: It's everybody.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't have what you want, and you're you're not thinking about why they're escaping you, why you're escaping them, you're victiming.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're victiming, you're never gonna get what you want.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: You're being a little bitch.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: So whether whether it's the bitch like she was talking about where you're being cranky and mean and miserable, well, that's actually this just different behavior of the same little bitch.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: Stop being a little bitch.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe we should call this.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: You're welcome.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: Stop being a little bitch.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: No, don't give it away.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: We want them to listen to the punchline.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: Punchline.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: All right, guys, stop being a little bitch.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: We'll see you next time.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.