Latest / Dear Chelsea / Related feat. Roy Handler

Transcript

Related feat. Roy Handler · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I do have some very exciting news that I will
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: be playing the Santa Barbara Bowl. Everybody didn't I say
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: that like a radio announcer. I think I just did.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: I will be at the Santa Barbara Bowl August one,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: and pre sale tickets go on sale today from ten am.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: I said that like a radio host, to ten AM
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: two ten pm. And the pre sale code is Chelsea
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: s B for Santa Barbara. Chelsea s B for Santa Barbara.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: So get your tickets to that, and then if you
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: can't do that, come to the Mirage on July. Santa
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Barbara Bowl August one, and then there's a San Diego
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: date somewhere in their humphreeze. You know where you usually
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: get your podcast slash tickets, Live Nation dot com, Chelsea
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: Handler dot com, ticket Master, any of those places. So
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: I will see you all this summer. Okay, Well, welcome
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: to our show today. I'm very excited about today's topic
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: of conversation because our theme today is siblings, and we
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: have one of my brothers calling in which I cannot
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: wait for you to hear. I'm very excited for that. Yes,
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: I love sibling dynamics. You have siblings as well, and yes,
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: I come from a family of six, and there's always
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: one that's a big hot mess. Well, or it could
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: be your parents, right, one out of all of them.
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: And then sometimes some families have multiple hot nurses. I
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: heard an interesting theory the other day. My sister was
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: telling me about there is scientific data to show that
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: when you have two children of the same sex, the
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: third child, your body biologically wants to produce one of
• 1:30
  Speaker 1: the opposite sex. So that's why the third is always
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: a tomboy. If she has two older brothers, or if
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: it's a younger boy, why he may be more feminine
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: than his brothers because your body theoretically is preparing for
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: the opposite sex. And I said, are there studies on that?
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: And she goes, oh, yeah, yeah, like it's in the ziteguys.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: My family on my dad's side, all of the men
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: had one son followed by two daughters. All of the
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: siblings same pattern. That's strange, like sort biology is that, Yeah,
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: it does make sense that your body would try to prepare.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Like you know, a lot of people have three boys
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: and then they go for another one, you know, and
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: then they get the girl. Or some people have three
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: they're waiting for the girl, and they're pissed. I remember
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: my friend was so pissed when she found out she
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: was having a baby boy, and I was like, oh
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: my god, that is so terrible. Like and then of
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: course you have them and you love them, and you
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: can't even imagine it being any other child, boy, girl,
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: you know whatever. My sister she had three boys and
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: she was so desperate for a girl, and luckily she
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: got it on the fourth tribe. But then there was
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: another family right in town that woman has had. I
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: think it's ten or eleven children, always trying for a girl,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: all boys so icky, ten or eleven berths out. They
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: have to drive a passenger van. Just to put things
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: into a very clear picture for you, what it looks
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: like to put her stomach in there. That's where the
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: passenger van has to go. She's probably spent more time
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: pregnan than she has, not that a doubt. Yeah, that's
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: so much. It's so unfair what women have to go through.
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: It really is. I can't wait until we can figure
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: out away from men to have babies, you know, let
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: them do it all, let them take that over. The
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: closest thing I could come to talking about or relating
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: to children is you know, obviously my own experience with parenting,
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: which is Bernie's Tammy and Chunk and Gary wherever he
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: may be. Gary, in case people don't know, Gary was
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: a dog that you had for a short period of time.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: It was a Bernie's Mountain dog that you really wanted
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: and then you got and did he run away? He
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: was my only non rescue dog. And yeah, supposedly he
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: ran away, but that is hard to believe but also believable.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: I don't know what happened. What happened really, and I
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: won't ever buy a dog again, first of all, because
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: we just did not mash you know, rescue dogs. There's
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: a purpose in it. It feels so purposeful. You know,
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: you can't just love a breed so well. You can,
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: but I don't want to just love a breed so
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: much and get that breed only then then then that's favoritism.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: And I want my ldren all to feel equally. But
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: I have to tell you that Bert is my favorite
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: because of his body. I try to give Bernice the attention,
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: you know, to make up for the attention I give Bert,
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: but she's just not as receptive. And it's just not
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: the same thing as an independent woman. And she knows
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: that he's the favorite, and she has an attitude and
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: I get it. I like boy dogs, I think better
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: than girl dogs because of the two girl dogs I've
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: had have been very distant and the Tammy and Bernice
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: both had very similar personalities and that maybe because they
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: were part chow or they are. See and I don't
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: like a boy dog. I mean, I love any animal,
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: but I do not like to see. Well. Bert doesn't
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: like you, I know, and I'm the one who went
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: and rescued him. So I don't know how that happened
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: that Ben Bruno and I rescued him. Origin the o
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: G rescue was Ben Bruno and me, So technically Ben
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: Bruno is their father, no wonder he hates Ben Bruno, Yeah, right, exactly.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Bert doesn't really like men. I don't know where he
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: gets that from. Well, and speaking of sibling dynamics, that
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: is Burton Bernice. They are their sister. They are from
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: the same amniotic sack everybody. They came from the same litter.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: Bert and Bernice. Yes, and those were their birth names.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Just so you know, I didn't even name them that
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: that was just good fortune on my end. So when
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: he rounded that, I'll never forget the day that Burt
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: rounded the corner and I saw his ass before I
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: saw his face because it was bigger and it was
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: it was like an elephant coming towards me slowly. That
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: was furry, and I couldn't believe it. I was like,
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: holy fuck, this is my day. All right. Well, we
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: have a lot to get into in regards to siblings,
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: so don't we take a quick break. We'll come back.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: I love using Bert and Bernice as a jumping off
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: point for siblings. They are the dynamic duo. We'll be back. Well,
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: our first emission comes from Hallie. Hi, Chelsea, my name
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: is Hallie and I live in Boise, Idaho. I've been
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: a fan for such a long time, and I know
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: you have a really good relationship with your siblings, So
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: I was wondering, how do you keep that relationship with
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: them so strong because my relationship with my siblings is
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: not the greatest. Well, I would just say, listen, I
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: know sibling dynamics can be very very challenging and difficult
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: and complicated because there's a lot of like injury that
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: nobody even knows about, Like people aren't even addressing it.
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: So you're like holding grudges from a million different things
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: that happened in your childhood. And I would just say
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: to exercise a good communication with them, like just keep
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: in touch, even if you're not necessarily getting what you
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: want back in that relationship, just keep the dialogue going
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: because people ebb and flow and go through things where
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: they'll need your support or you'll need theirs, And because
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: that line of communication is already open, you'll be able
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: to lean on each other in those times, which will
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: bring you closer. And you know, you can just be
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: consistent in your communication and that usually will help cultivate
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: a better, stronger relationship. You know, as long as you're
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: constantly communicating. So and think of being the bigger person
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: and being like, you know, I'm just gonna put myself
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: out there and let them know this line of communication
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: is open. What do you think I was gonna say
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: the exact same thing. Consistent communication. And the thing I
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: found with my siblings is finding ways that they prefer
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: to communicate. So my one sister, she likes to FaceTime.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: My other sister is much more of a texter. My
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: other sister prefers a call like right when she gets
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: to work in the morning. So again like kind of
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: finding the tempo and ways to communicate based on preference
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: or where you know that you'll be able to have
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: an in depth conversation and taking the time to really ask,
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: you know, thoughtful questions, not just how how's your day going,
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: you know, like how are the kids, what are they doing,
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: what are they learning in school? Ship I don't really
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: care about, per se, but that she does care about
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: because you know, when they have kids, that's where all
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: of their energies going. So yeah, I think you just
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: have to make consistent communication a priority. Yeah, I think
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: that's pretty obvious. So there you go. Problem solved. Tale
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: The next one we do have on the line. Her
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: name is Andrea. She's from Ontario. She's in her thirties,
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: and she writes, Dear Chelsea, this is literally the biggest
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: decision of my life. My sister, who has Down syndrome,
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: was visiting me at the end of February. So just
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: for context, remember the beginning of the pandemic, so February,
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: because we had a grant to make a little film
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: about her. Then everything blew up in the week. Trip
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: has surpassed a year our mom passed away from brain
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: cancer eight years ago, and Adele, my sister, moved into
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: her own apartment in a group home, but due to
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: the pandemic, all of her programs in Ontario have been canceled.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: I kept her with me and enrolled her in Whistler
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: Adaptive and now she doesn't want to leave. Every day
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: I ask myself, how can I live with this little
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: lady for the rest of my life? But also how
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: can I not live with her for the rest of
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: my life. I like to move freely through the world,
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: and I'm having a hard time trying to figure out
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: how I'm supposed to do that. I know family is
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: very important to you. What do you think, Andrea, Hi, Andrea, Hello.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: That sounds like yeah, that is a big life decision totally.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: So what's the status Like if you can have your
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: sister what's her name, if you can have a dell
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: live with you, is there a way for you to
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: continue to have some help with that? Yeah? For sure.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: Like I have a big community where from Ontario though,
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: so our whole, like my entire extended family is in
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: Ontario and then here it's just the two of us.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: And with the program that she's in. Are they able
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: to help in any way for like vacation care or
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: if you wanted to get out and go do something.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: I imagine it's kind of all day every day, But
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: for the times you wanted to get out and go
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: do something, what is the restriction on your life with
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: her being there with you? Um, that part's okay, Like
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: she's she's pretty high functioning, Like I can leave her
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: and two days ago I left her for twelve hours,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: Like as long as she has food, she's good. I
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: guess it's just like honestly, the originally the biggest issue
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: I had was I was really scared. I kind of
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: feel emotional saying it, like I'm scared I was going
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: to die and and I'd be the only thing she
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: has out here. And right now in Ontario, she's like
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: in the system, she's really well cared for, and I
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: just felt scared of taking on that responsibility like for
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: the rest of my life. Yeah, no, it is emotional,
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: But I think did I hear you when you said
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: Ontario cut all her programs? Right? Yeah? Like right now
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: this is the best place for her in the sense
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: that like she lives in her own apartment in a
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: group home, but because of COVID, she's not going to
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: the adult learning center, she's not engaging with people. She
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: wouldn't have been able to see any family members or
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: the only window in the last three teen months she
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: would have been able to see family members was for
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: like a month last summer and they weren't even allowed
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: to like hug. So like like right now, I'm good.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: I'm just thinking long term what to do, because it's
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: like she's my best friend, you know, and I look
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: at her and like my heart explodes, like every day
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: we just my brother and I bought her a champoline
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: for her birthday and gave it to her early. And
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: I've never seen anybody like when she's honest she sounds
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: like like a giggling dolphin, like she's just can't control herself.
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: But then she's just shaking her hands and like just
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: can't contain herself, and she's funny and she's like a
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: little boss. It's I'm just I was thinking about it
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: the like two nights ago, thinking about you, and honestly,
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: it's like death. I'm like, I'm scared that I might die,
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: and I'm scared she might die. Because we both watched
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: that with my mom, and my mom was like her
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: big caregiver. Do you feel like you are able to
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: incorporate her in your life though, where you still have
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: a life, because this is I think a common issue
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: my partner is going through, like his mom is going
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: through this with having to move his grandma because she
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: has dementia. And the biggest thing is are you still
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: able to live your life without giving yours up for
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: someone else's? I think now like we found our rhythm
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: for sure. In the beginning, it was so hard anyways
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: because COVID was so scary and unknown, And now it's
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: been thirteen months, we've got our our flow and yeah,
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: and can I ask are you a partner? Do you
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: have husband? Wife? Happily divorced? Okay, well, that's good. I'm
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: glad you got that out of the way. It's best
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: you have you with the rest of your life to
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: live alone, which is really where you're gonna I have
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: a question though, so isn't it something that you can
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: take on, like, you know, like a six month by
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: six month basis if the programs are closed in Ontario. Oh,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: so you're talking about just extricating her from Ontario for
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: good and not even going back to that program ever
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: when it reopens. Yeah, oh, I see, okay, because right
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: now her life is preserved, right like her apartments there,
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: all the programs, like she's in the system. Everything's good,
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: everyone's happy. She's here with me. But it's you know,
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: when the pandemic ends, and I think about it every day. Yeah, right,
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: And what is the downside of when the pandemic ends
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: and there and her programs are back in place and
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: she's got it all dialed in in Ontario with your
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: extended family. What's the downside of having her go back
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: there and you're visiting her regularly. She doesn't want to
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: go back. She wants to live with me. Yeah, And
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: she's she is thriving, and she's happy, and she definitely
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: gives more to my life than she takes. But it's
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: just also I guess, just being divorced, like it's like
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: this is the biggest commitment there is because it is forever,
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: Like I wouldn't be able to just take her on
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: and then six months later put her through all that
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: trauma and stuff. And then I also she talks about
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: how she wants to be in VC all the time.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: And I heard her telling someone that we're going to
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: go back to Ontario student pack up all her stuff
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: and then bring her back. And you know, and I'm
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: like like, and I don't talk about it ever because
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: I don't want her to have false hope or not.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: But yeah, well, it sounds like you have a really
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: beautiful relationship with your sister, and like, I totally get it.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: I would do it because I would be like, how
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: could I not do it? You know, I get what
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: you're saying about that. So it does sound like though,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: that she adds so much to your life and you
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: love her so much. I mean, think about what you
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: were just describing, Like watching her on the trampoline, Like
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: that is joy and like the meaning of life, right,
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: that is it to see somebody in that kind of
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: space and to get to experience that on the regular.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: I think it adds to your life more than it
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: takes away. Yeah, I guess I have a fear of commitment,
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: you know, right, I get that I have that too,
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: I understand. Just remember everything has been magnified in the
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: last year, Like everything feels a bit more intense because
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: of what we're going through collectively. So you've said that
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: you've kind of found your footing and in your routine
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: with her. And I think that's only going to get
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: easier the longer that she's there, and that you'll just
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: find more ways to incorporate and have your own space
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: mentally and physically for yourself where she is not a burden,
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: where she's incorporated. And you said yourself, like, she adds
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: so much. I think that will only continue. I do,
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: and part of me is like, am I just completely selfish?
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: And if I wasn't where I lived like I us,
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: another country at different culture, it wouldn't even be a question,
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: you know, like she would just live with me. But
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: it's also okay to have those thoughts and feelings and
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: want to figure that out because your person and you're
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: entitled to have those are emotions, Like you can't help
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: the fact that you're having feelings or thoughts like, yes,
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: everyone has a desire to be selfish. I mean, that's
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: not something you can beat yourself up for your at
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: least being honest about it, which is a lot healthier
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: than being in den The worst thing you could do
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: for Adele would be not thinking about yourself and just
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: leaning in and doing it, because that's a good one.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: Brandon That is good because it's because then months later
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: you build resentment. You really should have taken more time
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: to think about it. So the fact that you're doing
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: this now before making the commitment, it's just going to
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: set you both up for success. And I think her
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: being there and vocalizing to you like I don't want
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: to leave, that's definitely something to take into consideration. But
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: then having to think for her where is going to
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: be the best place for you long term? Like that's
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: also that is sadly your burden and responsibility. That may
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: not be the result she wants, but ultimately you know,
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: because you're operating in her best interest, that maybe Ontario
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: is the best place for her. And again, it would
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: be a hard conversation, but you're going through all that
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: right now, so it's going to take a little time
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: for you to really hone in on what that looks
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: like for you both. Yes, when do you want to
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: make a decision by I don't know, Like I was
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: going to bring her back last ball and then everything
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: then I was like, oh, nothing's really changed, So I
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: feel like I'm you know, I've taken her on to
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: take care of her for this time, so I have
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: to commit to that. I also feel like right now,
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: like I can't really go anywhere. So it works really well.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: And and that's the thing, like maybe when the restrictions go,
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: I don't know if it looks like she goes back
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: for a few months to see how we both actually
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: really feel and then kind of come back have a
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: healthy break. That sounds like a very reasonable option and
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: is not a conversation you could have with her and
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: that she would understand and accept. I've been trying to
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: just position it to her that she does like live
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: in Ontario and like I would never say this is
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: a trial for you going back. Usually she fights me
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: on it, and then like a few days later she'll
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: walk around my house and she'll be like, oh, I
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: need this pencil when I go back to Ontario. So
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: she she does get it, and she's, yeah, I think
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: that would be the best option, would be to obviously
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: take a little space break and then I bet you
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: you'd really miss her. Yeah. I look at her like
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: in my heart explodes and I miss her like in
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: that second knowing, you know, and it's it is that
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: pure joy, but it's also like just like that unconditional
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: love and like I wish I could have as much
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: compassionate for myself as I do for her. Right, well,
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: it seems like you have your decision made. It's just
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: gonna take you some time to reconcile it because seemingly
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: she's not going anywhere, and even if she does, she'll
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: be back. So I think it's just gonna take a
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: little time for you to accept that that this is
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: your new life circumstance, and that's okay. Yeah, yeah. There
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: is a really incredible bond between sisters though, so I
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: you know, I know what you're talking about, Okay, But
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: then part of me is like, will I ever date
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: again or will we just be too middle aged women
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: living together for the rest of our question That comes
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: up with me and my sister quite frequently as well,
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: so that's a common theme among sisters. I'm going to
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: tell her the same thing. I'm gonna tell her the
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: same thing I tell you, No, you're not going to
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: be alone forever, and it'll speak volumes of whatever person
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: you end up with that knows like this is part
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: of my life, and this is like a part of
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: my life that I love and the reason why they're
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: going to be drawn to you in the first place,
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: you know, because you've taken this on and then you're
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: creating a whole, this great non traditional family, you know,
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: Like that's fun and modern and cool and compassionate. What
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: Adele will bring to that person's life, like this is
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: all part of it. It's the mix of like personalities
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: and love and affection that you'll have with whatever person
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: you end up with next. Who will see that in her?
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: And like I want that in my life as well,
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Like look what she can bring to me. Yeah, I
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: wouldn't worry about that. Yeah, Okay. She's funny, though she's
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: like a bit manipulative, Like she's like you can't eat anyone.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: She's like, you're you're with me? How old is Adele?
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: And a lot of her she's like an eight year old.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: A lot of her she's like a sixty year old.
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: That sounds like me. Yeah. Yeah, she's amazing for sure,
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: and she's hilarious. Send us a picture of the two
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: of you together, will you like to say? I'll send
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: a video of on the trampoline. Yeah, if we love
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: that and let us know what you end up doing.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Please Okay, all right, well, thank you, thank you? All right,
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: nice to speak to you Andrea you too. Definitely probably
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: the most serious. Yeah, but very rational and so cute.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's definitely a complicated situation to be in.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: I don't know what I would do in that circumstance,
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: but it seemed like she knew before she even called
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: what she wanted to do. Yeah, Like I remember saying,
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: when my father was in a nursing home on the
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: East Coast, I say to my brothers and sisters want
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: it would just move him out to l A, like
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: I can get him twenty four hour care here, or
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: you know, we have my bell and they were like, no,
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: you can't take that on, Like you think you can
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: take that on, but you just can't. And they saved
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: me from myself. But that was a different situation because
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: that's my father, and I have no patience and I'm
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: not nearly as you know, loving and sweet as this
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: woman is. So when you're talking to somebody who you
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: know has an eight year old brain and they're like,
• 19:52
  Speaker 1: I want to be with you. I live with you,
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: now live with not giving into that is really respectful,
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: like not just appeasing them because they're just in a
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: moment and they love you and they're a little kid,
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: and you want to make them happy. So she's already
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: very adult like, you know, because she's made it clear, no,
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: you live in Ontario. You live in Ontario. But I
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: think that they should be together. I think that they
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: will be. I'll be curious to see what happens over
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: the next few months. I really do hope that she
• 20:16
  Speaker 1: checks in. I mean, I guess if these people check
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: back in will be a big reflection on the podcast. Brandon,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: I think, well, I think a lot of people really
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: just need perspective that is not part of their bubble,
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: their group, because you just get so overwhelmed by what's
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: going on. I think about her friends, who are you know,
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: having this conversation daily. It's really hard to give an
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: honest opinion, and we don't know them, so it's very
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: easy for us to tell them things that they may
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: not like. But I shaved my legs this morning outside
• 20:43
  Speaker 1: on the deck. Did you shake your face? No, I
• 20:45
  Speaker 1: haven't shaved my face in a while. Actually I should
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: probably do that, but on the patio or whatever that
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: area is, and I cut myself bleeding and then my
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: pants got blood on them and they're white. Do you
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: dry shave? Well? I was because the light was so
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: great that I just thought, you know what, I should
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: get a razor right now. Yeah, I was. It turned
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: out to be a little bit of a blood bath
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: this morning. Luckily Felix came in first thing. Yes, Felix
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: is the groundskeeper at the house. Well, don't say groundskeeper.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: That sounds very white privilege. How would you describe him?
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: I thought he was the dog walker Brandon. No, I mean,
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: I know he does other things. Described. I describe him
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: as Bernice's Bernice's boyfriend. He is the best, Felix. Yeah, yeah,
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: he's much better than Oscar. Who was the last guy
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: that did this job. Oscar? There was the other one.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, let's not even mention his name. He quit.
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: Do you remember why? What was it? He didn't like
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: that a gay guy was giving him. Say that a lot, Yeah,
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: that you run into that a lot, right, gay guys
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: straight men not straight men. I found really do not
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: like it if I have to work with them and
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: give them direction on something. Very butch men don't give
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: a ship who they get direction from. There's like an
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: inherent insecurity and they don't like that. And what about women?
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: Straight women? They love it? No, they don't give a ship.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: But there's no ego and anything a straight woman does,
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: like if you give them direction, she's like, hey, we
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: need to do it this way. It's like, okay, it's
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: so easy to communicate with a woman. Yeah, that's so true.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: That's why men there are signs everywhere where wear a mask,
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: however you do it. Yeah, we spent an entire pandemic
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: with signs everywhere saying wear a mask, and they wouldn't
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: do it. If I ever see another man with a
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: mask underneath their nose, I mean, I'm just gonna lose it.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: I am. I can't not say anything. I mean, I
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: know it's kind of like over now, but if I
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: see it again, I'm going to get as mad as
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: I did before. It's like poking a hole in your
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: condom before you put it on, like it serves no purpose.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: It's also just the most unflattering way to look at
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: someone is to see them without a mouth, like to
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: see nose up. No, no, no, no, that doesn't isn't
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: It is like looking at a dick pic. Most people
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: don't have the face for that, They don't have the
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: face structure to carry that. You have to ask yourself
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: do you have the nose up face. Although it is
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: an adjustment to see people's whole faces, I am very
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: glad we are transitioning out of this phase, and I
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: hope it is permanent. I think I'm just gonna keep
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: my mask on, but I agree. I mean, it's nice
• 23:10
  Speaker 1: to have the option to take it off. I once
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: slept in a mask accidentally woke up with it. Obviously
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: I was intoxicated, but I think I was so disgusted
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: by the person that I was with who said he
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: didn't think masks worked, that I kept it on for
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: extra coverage that You're like, I'm going to make sure
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: i'm protected after being around you. I told you about
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: the guy went off on at the gym. Right I
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: was walking down the stairs and Jim's finally reopened here,
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: so I was really excited and went in for one
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: of my first workouts, and I was walking down the
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: stairs and this guy was on the elliptical. I mean
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: he was barely moving, had his mask totally off, not
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: even under his chin, and so I be aligned it
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: for him and I was like, hey, hey, put on
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: your fucking mask, and the people are all looking he
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: what's going on? Are you new to the what's going on?
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: I don't know a pandemic? People? Are you new to
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: the fucking planet? Because it doesn't matter where he came from,
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: you know what's going on here? Like, put on your
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: map and what do you see? This woman over here
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: sprinting uphill on the treadmill. She has her mouse completely
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: on your barely fucking glistening, Like, what are you doing?
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: You're not exerting yourself, buddy, you have athletic induced asthma
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: from wrestling in sixth grade. Put on your mask and
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: then take up puff of your inhaler. Well wait, remember
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: that happened in New York City when we were filming
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: my special. We were coming around the corner we took
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: a ploties class in the morning. Two guys outside FedEx
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: workers and they weren't wearing masks, and I was like, hey, guys,
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: why aren't you wearing masks? And they're like, who's the
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: word outside? And I'm like, yeah, but you're two feet
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: away from each other, Like that's what's happening. We're all
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: spreading it two ft away from other people walking on
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: the sidelore, right, And then some guy came up on
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: a bike and he's like, you shut up? What do
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: you call me? Bitch? Bitch? And I was wearing my mask,
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: so there's no way he even knew who I was.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: And I was like, I would be a little bit
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: more understandable. And I was like, what I mean, when
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: somebody provokes me like that, I can't not engage, like
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: I want to be like you will knock at the
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: last word, which is so stupid. But it's so ridiculous
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: that they want to validate their behavior or become aggressive.
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: And that's so I was a little in front of you,
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: and I didn't realize what was happening. And as soon
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: as the guy pulled up on his bike and called
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: you a bitch, like I stepped up because I'm like,
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: you don't know what people are going to do, because
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: all you need is some fucking vitamin C. You just
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: got to take vitamin C and then that's all you need.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: There's no such thing as COVID. And I was like, oh, okay,
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: well now we're dealing with, like, you know, a chocolateyte,
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: a New York chocolodte. It's just so unbelievable. Okay, well
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: should we take another caller? I mean, I guess unless
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: we want to go on about those guys. The next
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: emission comes from Jessica. She's in her twenties. We do
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: not know where she is. Oh, it's a mystery. It's
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: like Mtery Alaska, remember that movie Mry Alaska. I'm in
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: San Diego. Where in the world is she? We don't
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: know shere. It's dear Chelsea. I recently got really drunk
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: and hooked up with my best friend's brother, Tail as
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: Old as Time, Jessica. I told my best friend I
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: wouldn't hook up with his brother because he's notorious for
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: banging lots of women. Well that should have been your
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: signal right there. We all hung out and had a
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: great time in the community we live in is really small,
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: so it could cause problems in the long run. I've
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: had a huge crush on his brother for eight months,
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: and I held out for this long and then I
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: just sucked it all up because of whiskey and white Claw.
• 26:16
  Speaker 1: Also Taylor as Old as Time. But now it's done,
• 26:19
  Speaker 1: and he expressed that he really enjoyed it and he
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: hasn't been acting weird at all. So the question is
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: do I bang him again? Yes or no? Hi, Jessica,
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: I Chelsea Jessica, I can tell just by the looks
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: of you that you're going to have sex with him again. Also,
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: I can already tell look at how happy you are.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: You're every fun girlfriend I had in college. I'm not
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: in college anymore. I'm past that. But I think I
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: got worse after I graduated. So yeah, but whatever, who
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: gives a ship you get worse in what way that
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: you like sex? Who cares? That's what we're here for.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: That's what we're here for. That's what these ages for
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: is to have fun and you know, go explored. I
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: know who you're into and for how long. Yeah, the
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: problem is that I make the wrong choices and who
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: I want to have sex with, and then I get
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: myself into trouble because of it, as you can see. Yeah,
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: but it sounds like you like trouble then because you
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: knew that he didn't want you to sleep with him.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: Does your friend know that you slept with his brother
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: by the way he does? He does, and he wasn't
• 27:21
  Speaker 1: very happy about it, and he's assuming that I'm not
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: going to do it again. Has he met you? Unfortunately?
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: When you say that, well, don't say that. I mean
• 27:33
  Speaker 1: I've met you, and I could tell you're going to
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: do it again. So I mean, I don't know, what's
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: no question in my mind she's gonna suck him, probably tonight. Okay,
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: you say that you get into trouble with your decisions.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: What is it that becomes problematic? Do you get involved
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: emotionally and these guys are just pieces of ship or what? No? No,
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: I just I choose the most dramatic situations to be in.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: So there's more to this story than just the email
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: that I sent you. Guys, well, can we get the
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: cliffs notes? Not development? So I live in a very,
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: very small town, so that's one of the problems. And
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: this boy who I hooked up with his ex girlfriend
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: happens to be my laser hair removal technician and she's
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: that ship crazy. Okay, well, don't go back to her
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: or you'll lose more than you wanted. I'm not I'm terrified.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: Does she know how many sessions have you done with
• 28:29
  Speaker 1: the laser hair removal? Like five? That's plenty. You don't
• 28:32
  Speaker 1: need to do anymore. I mean, honestly, I just yeah,
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: I mean, and just go back for a touch up
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: to someone else. Obviously. The other thing is I understand
• 28:40
  Speaker 1: what you mean about being drawn to drama. I used
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: to be like, how old are you? I seven? That's
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: an age to be kind of a funk up. Sorry
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: to say it, but that's like we're attracted to drama
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: at that age because we're not fully an adult yet.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: You're really not an adult until you're in your thirties.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: But you shouldn't beat yourself up like I stand about
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: making bad decisions. You don't want to piss your friends off,
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: you don't want to piss your family off, or you
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: don't want to do anything that's so unforgivable. So it's
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: important to like check your behavior. But at the same time, like,
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but your twenties are for mistakes in bed,
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: you know, and like it's kind of like a coming
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: of age, really integral part of your life. Yeah, and
• 29:21
  Speaker 1: as a woman, you shouldn't have to be validated by
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: anyone else for your decisions. Like if you want to
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: fox someone, you do it, And as long as you're
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: not harming yourself or them physically or emotionally, you shouldn't
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: have to answer to anyone about that. First of all,
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: it's very personal. So even your friend he should have
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: no voice in this. His opinion. Again, unless it's harming
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: him physically or severely emotionally, you should be able to
• 29:43
  Speaker 1: do what you want to do. I know, I just
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: feel like every time I want to like, like I said,
• 29:49
  Speaker 1: I'm not like the type of person who's a home wrecord,
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to do anything awful like that. Just
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: I feel like every time I go out and I
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: find somebody that I'm like, I want to do with you,
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: it's you. I'm trying view somebody has something to say
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: about it, and I don't know why. I don't know why.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: It's always just like no, like you're going to ruin
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: everything you're am I only supposed to bang like complete strangers,
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: Like I'm not allowed to do it within like the
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: friend group because it's such a small community. There are
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: no strangers for me to go find, Like everybody knows everybody.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: So are you can I ask you a question, Yeah,
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: as someone from a small town, do you make it
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: dramatic afterwards? Because I know that sometimes that can happen.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: I don't that you go into it with like zero
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: expectations and that you just want to fuck and that's fine,
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: but then you get wrapped up in the drama. Yourself. Yeah,
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: sometimes exactly, Like if you're prone to a lot of
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: drama's usually because you like drama. I don't, I swear
• 30:40
  Speaker 1: it's it's I think that the people that I surround
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: myself with do maybe I feed off of that. Brandon,
• 30:45
  Speaker 1: should she have some again? Can if he can keep
• 30:48
  Speaker 1: his mouth shut, If he's respectful of you enough to
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: where you want to keep this very casual and noncommittal,
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: and he respects that and will not tell anyone, then you,
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: guys should have a good time. You're twenty seven years
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: old like this. It shouldn't be and everybody shouldn't be
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: wanghing in who cares about his ex girlfriend who's a
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: wax esthetician, Like she has nothing to do with your
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: life at all. I mean they're not together, right, No,
• 31:11
  Speaker 1: I'm just worried if she were to find out. But
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: all your worry is what if? What if? What if?
• 31:15
  Speaker 1: What if? Your friends are all worried about what if?
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: What if? Nothing's happening, So stop sucking worrying. You're gonna
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: make something happen, and you're gonna you're engaging the drama.
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: You have to be like, hey, guys, I'm an adult.
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: I'm twenty seven years old. If I want to have
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: a little fun, I want to have a little fun.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: The other thing is if it's your friend's brother and
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: your friends really sensitive, then you have to have a
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: more adult conversation with your friend and be like, hey,
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: like I don't want to ruin our friendship, but like
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: that was a lot of fun. Like what's the problem?
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: Can I have a casual relationship with your brother? Or
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: is he worried that it will get serious and you'll
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: get your heartbroken? Right? No, you're right, I shouldn't have
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: that conversation with him. Well, also because he he's made
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: like moves on my friends, So I'm like, why can
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: you do it to mine? But I can't do it
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: to yours? Exactly because men want control over everything. They're
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: the fucking worst. Do not give in and don't answer
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: to anyone. You should even be answering to us at
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: this scenario. You need to go funk this guy. You
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: need to get perspective. That's why wrong, I think. Listen,
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: if you're in a small town, the drama probably is
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: a lot bigger than what it is. You know what
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: I mean, It seems a lot bigger than what it
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: actually is. And so I would go with that and
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: tell everybody just that you're you're not a little girl, like,
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: You're gonna do what you want to do, and everyone
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: can weigh in when you ask for their opinion. That's true,
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: That's very true. I hope that it happens organically. If
• 32:36
  Speaker 1: it does, and then it stays where it should be.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: But yeah, well, good luck to you into the city
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: that you live in. Maybe I should just move. Maybe
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: that that was gonna be my next suggestion. And when
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: you're done with their move, when you've gone through all
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: those in their move, Yeah, when you've gone through the
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: enough guys in that town, fucking leave it and just
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: go to a bigger city where you'll have options galore. Perfect.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: Hopefully by that time, I'll still have like the skin
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: on my body after this woman lasers everything off. Well, yeah,
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: you're not going back there, so don't worry. You'd rather
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: deal with some extra hair on your beaver and then
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: going back there, all right. By Jessica Have Fun by
• 33:20
  Speaker 1: Jessica is one of those girls that is just fun
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: to be around, and it's such an exploratory age. It's
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: also like everyone takes themselves away too seriously and That's
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: the only thing I think that's advice to listen to
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: from like a really early age is to not take
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: yourself so seriously because that is the biggest hurdle between
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: people and they're fucking egos and the way that they're
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: perceived and the way that they're coming across and the
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: way that they're presenting themselves is ego. It's all about
• 33:47
  Speaker 1: this like six cycle. So it's like step one, don't
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: take yourself too seriously. Okay, you go to the bathroom too.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you've stayed some underwear. Okay, Well, this is
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: a golden opportunity for us to get my breath the
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: Roy on the phone. So we're gonna call Roy and
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: he doesn't know what's happening, because you know, what's the
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: point of explaining it. I can't wait to see him
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: to reiterate he's not asking her advice, but you know
• 34:11
  Speaker 1: this is going to be unsolicited advice and we just
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: need to get yes. Thank you, Hi Roy boy? Are
• 34:18
  Speaker 1: you guys doing Hi? Roy? Roy? Your camera screen is
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: so clean? Sorry, can you wipe it with something? It's
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: like very opaque where you are. Actually, I would love
• 34:30
  Speaker 1: for that filter to be on us because he looks
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: just very smooth. Okay, so I'm gonna showing his house.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: I can go upstairs and do the wipe it down
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: if you need me to wipe it down. But my
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: internet went out, so that's why I'm over here. Okay, Well,
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: does she have a computer cloth? Maybe I'd like to
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: see you a little bit more crisply. Okay, okay, great,
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: I'll give him some background. Okay, up Roy is a
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: hot mass of our family. He's kind of like, you know,
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: the baby of the family, even though he's the oldest.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: So we sent him once about to call a couple
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: of years ago to get his life sorted out. He
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: went to live on an island and pull out. My
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: sister got him a job. Somebody she went to law
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: school with owns a resort. So he's a chef, and
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: he went to pull out. He lived here for a
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: few years and kind of you right with me, and
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: it was you know, it turns it got pretty hectic,
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: you know, irresponsibility, having girls at the house who were
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: asking for pictures in my kitchen at seven am in
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: the morning. Things like that kept happening. So anyway, so
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: we were like, okay, Roy, he went to Palu, this
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: little island off the coast of Indonesia and Singapore, maybe,
• 35:34
  Speaker 1: and he has been living there for the last I
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: have no sense of time, So it could have been
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: four years. It could have been three years. It could
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: have been six months. We'll find out when he gets back. Anyway,
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: he came home. He's done with that job, he's over it.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: He came back to live in New Jersey. He lives
• 35:48
  Speaker 1: across the street from my sister Shawna, and he got
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: a job. But he's got a wife now who's in
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: the Philippines that he supports, and she has two children. Roy,
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: hold on one second, I mean, wipe your face. Hold on,
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: I heard everything he said. Perfect. Roy doesn't want advice
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: from his family members, right, Is that correct? Roy? I
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: wouldn't say that. I mean, advice is good, but you've
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: just got to take everything with the grain of salt.
• 36:19
  Speaker 1: Some people know what they're talking about. Some people know
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: what they're Did you shave half of your mustache today? No?
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: Why one half looks shaved and one side doesn't. But
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: that's at least you're I think it's just the shadow
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: on it. Okay, it's probably just the reflection anyway, Great,
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: job cleaning it up. We still can't see you, Roy,
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: Can you give Brandon the rundown you left for when
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: I left for Palau in two fifteen after I left
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: l A. Okay, Mom got me the job in Plow.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: She has a friend who she went to school with
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: an Emory, and they own a restaurant Plow. So they
• 36:57
  Speaker 1: asked me to go there for three weeks and I
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: went there for four or five years and got married.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: I did not get married. We are not married yet. Okay,
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: Well that's good to know you. I thought you were married. No,
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: we have to get married because I'm not allowed into
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: the Philippines with the virus thing unless I was. If
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: I was married, i'd be able to get in, but
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: I'm not married, so I'm not able to get in. Okay,
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: So you're thinking about getting married just to get in
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: because of COVID. Yeah, because that's a big mistake. Now
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: I can't see I haven't seen her in eighteen months.
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: So and the last time he didn't see her for
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: a period of time, Right, she had a baby with
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: someone else, right, that's correct. Yeah, but that was before
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: that was before we started going out. Okay, So explain
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: the dynamic with you and your wife? Are you are
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: you engaged? I was in I was working in Palau.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: There's not much to do in Palau, so we go
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: to karaoke bars a lot. So there's waitresses who entertained
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: the customers in the karaoke bars. And I met her
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: and I went in there. Almost right, I'm gonna interject
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: with some question since as you set this up, when
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: you say entertained, do you mean like entertain or sing
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: at karaoke? And they sing, They do a lot of
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: stuff they do, you know, favors and like that. But
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: it depends. I'm still super clear if I keep going.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: I told you this is a tricky cave. It depends
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: on the girl. She was a sweet and I liked her,
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: and I walked into the bar. The first time I
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: met her, she was sitting down behind the bar. There
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: was no customers in the bar, and I sat down.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: I wandered to drink, and she was she had her
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: head down and she was just behind the bar in
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: a chair and she didn't say anything to me. And
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: for like ten minutes and I'm sitting there, I'm like,
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: So I grabbed a piece of popcorn and then threw
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: it out her head and then she looked up and
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: she slipped up and she smiled at me. And that
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: was that was it, That was the start, that was
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: the fire that lit the candle. I met her at
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: the karaoke bar. We went out for a couple of times,
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: and then she wanted she wanted me to be boyfriend
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: and girlfriend with her, and I'm like, if you're working here,
• 39:00
  Speaker 1: I can't be boyfriend and girlfriend with you because I
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: don't like going out with the guys. We didn't know
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: what she was going to get up to, right, and
• 39:08
  Speaker 1: she said, okay, that's it and no more, no more
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: for you, and she went out with another guy and
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: she got pregnant, and then she went back to the Philippines.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: So we didn't talk for like six months. And then
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: six months later I called her, see what's up? And
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: she had a baby and she was in six months.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: She's an easy bake oven. How did she have a baby?
• 39:33
  Speaker 1: Pinots are very right, they're very there. So they only
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: have six months pregnancies. Okay, Well you don't believe in
• 39:41
  Speaker 1: birth control, okay. And so the other guy was just
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: to clarify. The other guy was a customer, was a
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: karaoke bar, yeah, okay, So he was a customer at
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: the karaoke bar that she had a baby with, and
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: that you're now the father too, correct, that's correct. I
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: am the stepfather of two of them. Yeah okay, okay, Well,
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: but you're not the stepfather, Roy, because you're not married.
• 40:01
  Speaker 1: That's true. But I am the step step what you
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: call it, whatever it is. You're a father figure, that boyfriend,
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: the acting paternal figure in their life. Yes, okay. So
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: are you formally engaged to this woman. No, I'm not
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: formally engaged. Nothing with Roy is formal. Okay. Well, yeah,
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: so Roy told me this story. Obviously over the summer
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: we got to see each other, and I thought, you
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: know what, good for you? He told me how he
• 40:29
  Speaker 1: met her, the karaoke bar story, and you know, years
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: ago I would have really laid into him and been like,
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: what are you thinking? But I want him to be happy,
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: and he makes her happy. So who gives a ship?
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: What the funk she does? And I'm sick of judging
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: women for doing stuff anyway, Well that's all we want.
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: So we're laughing. But you're happy. I'm very happy. Yeah.
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: I wish she could be here, you know, or I
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: could be in the Philippines instead of this long distance stuff.
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: But that leads me to my next question, what is
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: the plan? Would she move here? How serious is this
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: if she's still gallivanting alone through the Philippine with her
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: two kids. Don't say gavanting, Brandon, Brandon, what Brandon, that's
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: very You're now being judging. No I'm gallivanting. No, no, No,
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: that's judgment. She's first of all, when I was in
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: I built a house, or I didn't build it. Her
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: father built a house in the Philippines, a simple, small house.
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: It was bucks And they live in the house now
• 41:29
  Speaker 1: with their parents and their sisters and all that. So
• 41:32
  Speaker 1: there's like nine people in the house. So she's not
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: She takes care of the two kids. She's very loyal.
• 41:38
  Speaker 1: She's a sweet girl. She reminds me a lot of mom, Like,
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: she's super super super sweet. Does everything. She doesn't go out,
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: She doesn't go about drinking or anything like that. You know,
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: she does when I go there just to have fun.
• 41:50
  Speaker 1: But when I'm not there, she doesn't do that. She's
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: very um experiened. So could she move to the US,
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: could you guys form a real life together? Yeah, she
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: can move, but we have to get her visa thing done,
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: which is working, but it's not ready yet. She's only
• 42:05
  Speaker 1: been to Pullow, so she's only allowed to go to
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: like three countries and one of them is Pullow. And
• 42:11
  Speaker 1: I think she's allowed to go to Japan and Vietnam,
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: but she's not allowed to come to the US. And
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: so how does it work when if you were to
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: meet someone, would you have to marry her there to
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: bring her back? How would the marriage work in terms
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: of getting her here? You better off to marry here
• 42:29
  Speaker 1: and then we can work it out in the Philippines.
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: And once you get married, that's it. There's no divorce
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: in the Philippines. Well, that's not gonna work out, more
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: recognizable if you get a US marriage rather than can
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: she not come to the US with the kids just
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: to get me married? And she can come like an
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: F like Glenn's like Olga did on an F third
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: F H one N one. I'm not sure. I think
• 42:54
  Speaker 1: that's the bird flu. Actually we did that, so but
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: that was years ago. So exchange true. Yeah, I bet
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: you would be easier to bring her over here, marry
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: her in the States, and then she becomes a US
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: citizen by way of marriage. I think I can get
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: us three months thing where she's here for ninety days
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: and get married and then at all. Yeah, and then
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: so she would come over with the kids. No, she
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: would come over by herself, get married, then go back.
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: Uh huh Okay, Well, normally I would step in and
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: do all this stuff for him, but I have a
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: handsoff approach now to my family. Let them figure it
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: out and if they need me to lask right personally,
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: I hope that it works. I hope that she's able
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: to come over. I hope that you guys can start
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: your life together, because what you're doing now is no life.
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: Like there's no talking about a well, Roy, you have
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: a life, but you want a life with your wife
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: and your kids. And what the longestance in eighteen month intervals.
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: I mean, that's no way to build a relationship. And
• 43:48
  Speaker 1: no matter how long you're together, I mean, relationships are
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: constant work. And so we laugh about it. All we
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: want in life is for people that we love to
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: be happy. Yeah, my brother to be happy, and she
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: makes him happy. So we have to figure out. Roy,
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: you have to put all your efforts towards getting her
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: over here with the visa and getting that ship sorted out. No,
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: but yeah, yeah, this is a person who didn't have
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: health insurance. Now he does well, yeah, but not because
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: of himself. So if he has to take the initiative,
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: you know, instead of me taking the initiative. Is Shawna
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: there with you, Roy, Shanna, we're gonna share about that's fun.
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: Do you and your fiance what's her name again? Maurice
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: M A R I Z Marie. Do you guys have
• 44:28
  Speaker 1: phone sex? We do not have phone sex. We joke
• 44:31
  Speaker 1: about it, but we don't. We don't. There's no penetration.
• 44:34
  Speaker 1: Thanks for clarifying that. Roy wouldn't be right because it's
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: phone sex. No, well, right, so I don't even know
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: what he's talking about. But anyway, I mean, I guess
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: what is the moral of this story? I wanted you
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: to weigh in for him that it was an outside list.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: I honestly think that as long as Royce happy, healthy
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: and yes, health insurance, So check those two boxes, that
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: she's happy and healthy, and that there's consistent communication about
• 44:58
  Speaker 1: moving forward like that's the one thing I wouldn't want
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: either of you to get too comfortable in the dynamic
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: that you're currently in to where nothing changes, because again
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: that's not a real relationship in terms of the process
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: of building a life together. So as long as there's
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: a movement on getting her here or getting you there,
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: I think you keep doing it right. The thing is,
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: with the COVID everything everything slowed down, so I'm not
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: even allowed into the Philippines. Only Filipinos are allowed into
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: the Philippines, so it's tough to get in and now,
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: but I think you should focus Roy on bringing her
• 45:27
  Speaker 1: to America because anyone can travel into America, you can
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: get her here, So focus your energy on getting the
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: visa that's appropriate for that for her. Okay, Well that
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: was anticlimactic and I well it's still in process, so
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: you really need to keep us posted, Roy, I would
• 45:41
  Speaker 1: like actual updates on what's going on. Okay, what is
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: the name of the podcast? By the way, it's called
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: Dear Chelsea where people call in and ask advice questions
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: to Brandon and me. And we're a couple's counseling team.
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: So if you need any help with Maurice when she
• 45:54
  Speaker 1: gets to town, you know who to call, are you guys,
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: specially in couples counseling? Well, we're of the couple, but
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: we also specialize in other couples, so it doesn't really matter.
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: You could be single or a couple, or a threesome
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: or a throuble and we're here. We handle all day. Amax.
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: Well congratulations, Well, congratulations do you. Roy? Looks like you
• 46:14
  Speaker 1: got yourself a bride and it's going to happen any
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: day now. Yeah, I'm looking forward to that. Well, I
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: can't wait to make a toast any wedding. Yeah, we will,
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: don't worry, Okay, love you by Roy. You. I love
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: every one of your family members because they all bring
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: something to the table, like something. Here's the thing, though,
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: you dealt with Roy's health insurance, so you know what
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: I'm dealing with. With him getting a visa for his
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: potential wife isn't going to happen. I mean, I don't
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: want to say that because I want to believe in
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: my brother, but I just know his habits. But it
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: will speak so highly of Roy if it does get done,
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: because it means like that was something worse. Will be
• 46:51
  Speaker 1: attracted to Roy if you could that. You don't have
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: many other male prospects right now, so maybe you can
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: get with your brother. I'll get him to break up
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: with his fiance so I can date him. That sounds
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: like a Lifetime of old movie. You know who has
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: a great podcast about Lifetime original movies, Sarah Colonna. Is
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: it about lifetime marginal only about life? She and her
• 47:08
  Speaker 1: friend it's really funny. Well, I'd like to pitch you
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: a project right now then, because I would love to
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: write a Lifetime original movie called Murders in the Midwest,
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: And it's all about this guy in my hometown who
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: was embezzling grant money that was supposed to go to
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: Native American students to go to college. He was embezzling it,
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: and everyone in town knew what was going on. And
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: he lived in a small, timillion dollar mansion. He built
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: a gymnastics studio. No one in town does gymnastics, small
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: town of people, and when it could have been who knows.
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: So turns out the state found out what he was doing.
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: He went to a meeting where they basically said, like, hey,
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: we've backtracked all the logs, we know what's going on.
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: He went home, he hit a safe, told his son's
• 47:45
  Speaker 1: girlfriend that if anything happened to them, like you know,
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: she needed to find the safe and killed his entire
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: family that night, burned the house down with everyone in it. Yeah. God,
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: that sounds like a Lifetime original movie. Totally totally hort
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: phonic company. In Contact with Someone, Well, that's a really
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: our lifetime movie is based on real A lot of
• 48:04
  Speaker 1: them are. My favorite is this seem like they are. Well,
• 48:07
  Speaker 1: my favorite Lifetime Original movie is this one called She's
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: Too Young, and it's about this girl who everyone in
• 48:12
  Speaker 1: high school is having sex and she gets Syphliss and
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: her mom is Marcia Gay Harden, who I fucking have
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: a love hate relationship with. Sometimes she's on screen and
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, like you're like the modern
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: day Stoker Channing. And then other times I'm like, please,
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: where is Dr Channing? She's another fucking awesome person. Gay's
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: love Stoker Channing and Sally Field. Yeah, yeah, and Francis McDorman.
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: Stoker Channing reminds me a little bit of Francis McDorman.
• 48:39
  Speaker 1: I'm not sure why. Probably because of that no bullshit attitude.
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: It's hot. It's hot. It's hot when people have confidence, right,
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: No soccer Channing was a good fucking time back in
• 48:48
  Speaker 1: the day. Oh yeah, can you imagine they would have.
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: I'm glad that they are still alive because if they
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: did hang out, I don't know how they made it
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: out of that. That would have been a lot of quayludes, right,
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: But if survive that period of time. That's why I'm
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: still alive for surviving my period of time, which can
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: you imagine if I had been alive during the sixties
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: or the seventies. Seventies, They mean, they gave you permission
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: to behave bad right, thank you ladies. Oh man, Roy
• 49:14
  Speaker 1: has a lot to digest after that. Zoom. I think
• 49:16
  Speaker 1: he got more than he intended. Well, yeah, he gets, Yes,
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: that's that's true. But he enjoys it and he's always
• 49:22
  Speaker 1: a good sport about it. I love my brother Roy. Yeah,
• 49:24
  Speaker 1: he really took that in stride. Yeah, And I also,
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: you know, like I do want him to just be happy.
• 49:29
  Speaker 1: So you know, who's anyone to tell anyone who to
• 49:32
  Speaker 1: be with. It's like we are the last generation. Well
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: I am, sweetheart, I'm the last generation of anyone that
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: will ever have to learn to accept other people's choices.
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: But you like, in terms of transgender and gay and
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: bisexual and binary and non binary and and learning all
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: these things like no one will ever have to learn
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: this again. I mean, but it is a learning process
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: for a prolonged amount of time. So like you will
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: make mistakes, you will have to readdres us it and
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: it's again you have to give people kind of the
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: leeway and ability to make a mistake and still move forward.
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: So who knows who you'll end up with? I keep
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: telling you, and I will stand by this. I would
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: like you to be a late life lesbian. Well that's
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: your desire, Brandon, I know. All right, Well, let's take
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: a quick break and we'll come back to that. And
• 50:18
  Speaker 1: our last emission is really going to thrill you. Oh,
• 50:22
  Speaker 1: thrilled me, thrill you. We'll see about that. I know
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: how much you love an affair in that type of
• 50:30
  Speaker 1: interaction assessment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like to hear about
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: these types of things. Our last emission is about an affair. Okay,
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: they right, Dear Chelsea. I'm twenty one years old, living
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: at home for the next two years to finish my
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: degree over quarantine. I found out that my dad is
• 50:44
  Speaker 1: having an affair. I was preparing to tell my mom
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: when my sister told me that my mom was also
• 50:49
  Speaker 1: cheating on my dad with our neighbor who is also married. Right,
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: so there are a lot of cheating spouses in the scenario. Okay, wow,
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: this is like desperate. How's why? This is like days
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: of our lives? Like Sam through the hourglass. This is
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: exciting stuff. Okay, we were planning on telling our mom
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: about the affair, but decided against it after her cheating
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: was discovered. My sister is older and has since moved out.
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: But I'm finding myself feeling overwhelmed. He lies every day
• 51:14
  Speaker 1: that he works late, but I know he's at his
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: mistress's house. I know that because I broke into his
• 51:17
  Speaker 1: phone to share his location with me. As far as
• 51:20
  Speaker 1: I know, my mom's affairs over now, but it has
• 51:22
  Speaker 1: been on and off for ten years. There are a
• 51:24
  Speaker 1: lot of complexities here. My father's affair has been going
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: on for years too. I had a seemingly normal and
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: healthy family before I found out about everything, and it
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: makes me sad that I can't completely open up to
• 51:35
  Speaker 1: my mom. My dad is trashed for other reasons, but
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: my mom is an amazing person and mother. I'm planning
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: to live with them for the next two years. Should
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: I just avoid my dad and stick it out? Or
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: is living here not worth the trauma? This is I
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: have some thoughts on this. What are your thoughts? Why
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: don't you take it? Why don't you go first? Well,
• 51:52
  Speaker 1: I just, first of all, I think that relationships and
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: marriages are much more complex than we are prepared to
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: understand from a young age. So you have this idea
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: and this archetype of what your family life should look like,
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: what your parents how they should interact with each other
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: and the outside world. But a lot of times our
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: expectations are not going to be met because of these complexities.
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: Like maybe they have an agreement in place. You don't
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: know the interworkings of your parents marriage. So I think
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: you need to give both of them a little bit
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: more compassion in this because you don't know why they're
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: still together, like if they're still love there. I think
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: that there are a lot of elements to any affair.
• 52:29
  Speaker 1: There are extenuating circumstances on both sides. I would say,
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: what do you think, Well, I would give your parents
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: a little bit more wiggle room. You just said, like
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: you judge, you have such hatred, You're so angry, You're
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: so angry, Like why you don't know what their arrangement
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: is you don't know what they've been through together, You
• 52:45
  Speaker 1: don't know the nuances between their relationship. They might just
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: be hiding it from you and not each other. But
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: I do think it's an opportunity, if you really care
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: about the well being and health of your family, like
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: to sit down and actually have an open conversation with
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: both of them altogether, like a family meeting, Like you
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: and your sister have all the information you need to
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: know that you're living in a dysfunctional house or it
• 53:06
  Speaker 1: could feel dysfunctional. It might not be, but it sounds
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: like it is dysfunctional and confronting both of your parents,
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: and like, why not do that? You know, that's a
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: good way to participate in this, because yeah, if you
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: stay there and you don't address the situation head on,
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: I think you're going to get very very angry and
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: very resentful, and then that's just going to cause more
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: and more drama. I think you could also, though, potentially,
• 53:29
  Speaker 1: just start investing some energy and time into your parents
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: separately to kind of figure out where they're at in life.
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: You know, if your parents are both happy separately, how
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: they're feeling in these situations. I think as you get older,
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: you have to remove yourself from that parent child relationship.
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: And if you're really curious about something like this, you know,
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: have in depth conversations. Maybe present it to your parents
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: as if you're going through something similar, see what their
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: take is on it. That you're dating someone or I
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: don't know, you know what you really have going on,
• 53:56
  Speaker 1: but you're dating someone and they wanted to cheat on
• 53:58
  Speaker 1: their spouse or their part there with you, And I
• 54:01
  Speaker 1: think that there are ways to kind of get answers
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: before addressing it with them, to get a sense of
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: kind of where they're at. Yeah. Yeah, I definitely don't
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: think you can just stay there and not saying anything.
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: And I think you have to look at saying something
• 54:13
  Speaker 1: as an investment into your like families future. You know,
• 54:17
  Speaker 1: this could be a huge turning point for all of
• 54:19
  Speaker 1: you guys, or they could get divorced and decide that
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: they are not You know that they were staying together
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: for the children and now that both of you guys know,
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: it's no longer a healthy relationship, which is also a
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: healthy decision. You know, if they were staying together for you,
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: like to let them know, Hey, guys, we both know
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: that you're both having sex with other people, so you know,
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: like the party's over, well not parties over, but like
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: pressure is off. Maybe just like the illusion is gone.
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: We're not under some illusion that you're in a happy marriage,
• 54:45
  Speaker 1: So why are you together and what are we doing
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: as a family. I think that's totally reasonable and actually
• 54:50
  Speaker 1: really responsible, and I would be really proud of myself
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: if I had done something like that with my family.
• 54:54
  Speaker 1: I mean, my parents weren't having sex with other people,
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: but well maybe they were, who knows exactly. I hope
• 55:01
  Speaker 1: they were. Well I hope my mother was anyway, because
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: if she had sex only with my father that would
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: be sad. Well, let us know what's going on. Please
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: give us an update on if you do have a
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: conversation with them, if you find anything else out. I mean,
• 55:12
  Speaker 1: this is pretty fucking juicy, so I don't want to
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: lose track of this story. Yeah, I know, this is
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: probably one of the juiciest stories we've had so far,
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: so please keep in touch. I would also like to
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: encourage our listeners who have a fair problems or aware
• 55:24
  Speaker 1: of affairs that are happening, or in an affair or
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: having relationship problems with their partner, like you can call
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: in together, you can write in together if you want
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: to receive our counseling as a couple. I'm very good
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: at that too, and I think you think you probably
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: are good at that too. Write it could be I've
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: not tested it out yet, but I have. Yeah, I've
• 55:42
  Speaker 1: done some couples counseling indirectly. But like you know, if
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: you have a friendship that's in trauma, or you have
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: a relationship that you know is in trouble, and you
• 55:51
  Speaker 1: can get someone to agree to do it with you,
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: we won't show your face unless you're comfortable with that.
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: We don't have to do that. It can just be
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: a phone call, it could be a private zoom, but
• 55:59
  Speaker 1: just so you know, we're open to that. I think
• 56:01
  Speaker 1: that's where I thrive, sweetheart. I think that is where
• 56:03
  Speaker 1: we thrive to. Actually, well, that's a wrap on this,
• 56:05
  Speaker 1: so I don't know if there was a better way
• 56:07
  Speaker 1: to go out. Wow, Okay, well shitsky doodle on that one.
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: Um by Brandon. If you want any assistance with your partner,
• 56:18
  Speaker 1: your best friend, really anything, you can write into Dear
• 56:21
  Speaker 1: Chelsea Project at gmail dot com, Dear Chelsea Project at
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: gmail dot com and just for you know, all the
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: listeners who are listening to this episode today, just take
• 56:30
  Speaker 1: some solace in the fact that Roy will not be
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: giving you the advice I will, and Brandon will