Latest / One Voice Many Conversations / Crushing Strongholds #064 Special Guest Marit Welker-A mom whose adult child walked away!.

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Crushing Strongholds #064 Special Guest Marit Welker-A mom whose adult child walked away!. · One Voice Many Conversations

• 0:02
  SPEAKER_01: Hello, everyone.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to another great episode of Crushing Strongholds.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: This is a podcast where we turn pain into power, trauma into triumph, in a place where we get to expose the lies of the enemy.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: And how do we do that exactly?
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: We do that by sharing testimonies of people's faith, how they have overcome through the love and guidance and just everything that God has brought them through and conquering those obstacles.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_01: So today I have a wonderful guest, one I've become acquainted with and great, you know, becoming good friends with.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just so excited to finally be doing this episode with her.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: And she is a certified coach and a speaker, but she is someone who guides mothers through pain, where adult children cut them off, where they're estranged.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_01: And let me tell you, I don't know if this is you or not, but this is me.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I am so excited to bring her to the table because we are going to have a great conversation and we're going to talk um with her about some of her strongholds today.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: So let's welcome to Crushing Strongholds, Merritt Walker.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: And Mark, Merritt, come on in and say hello and tell us about yourself.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: Hi, my name is Marit.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: I always say this conversation.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: 95% of people say my name wrong.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: I got used to it.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I still correct.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Anyway, my name is Marrit, and I am a mother of five, and I am a cancer survivor, and I am a brain injury survivor, and I am a uh uh bedridden from chronic disease survivor, and I am a chronic pain survivor, and I am a mental illness for decades survivor, and I am a survivor and overcomer of uh estranged relationships with my child and also with my parent, and I am all of those things only through Jesus Christ.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: He is my center, he is my rock, and without him I am nothing.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: But through him, I have gained the strength and the wisdom and the faith needed to get through all of those experiences and more and to do so in a way that helps me be true to my faith and also helps me to grow stronger as a Christian.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: Amen.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: That's pretty awesome.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: That is um an amazing start.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm almost floored, like I was like, oh my gosh.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I have a question.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: So as you're as you're going through all of these um elements with um the sicknesses and and and all of that, um, isn't it difficult when um I'm just gonna I I think I know the answer to this question, I'm gonna ask you anyway.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: Um when you're going through this and you're estranged with your child and you you wonder, like, do they know what you're going through?
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: Do do they do they worry about you at all?
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: Do they care?
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: Do they anything?
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: And if they knew what you were going through, would the circumstance be different, or do you think it wouldn't be?
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: I think they know exactly what we're going through.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I think, surprisingly, to some parents, they're going through the same thing.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: They miss us, it hurts them to cut us off, and they are really struggling.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yet they have to make that decision because they feel that that is their way to survive, to get out of the pain, to move forward.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: Unfortunately, scientifically, it's proven that that's not the case.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: However, they are grieving, they are hurting, they miss us, but they feel so much hurt and pain that they feel like this is the choice they have to make.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And with that belief, they feel justified and strengthened, and then they find support groups and things that encourage that and that applaud their uh sometimes they find these, but that applaud their courage and their bravery in and cutting off their parents, and they call it self-care.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: That's a big movement, however, that's not always the case, and every case is individual, but our child is always hurting, our child is always in pain, or they wouldn't have done this, and their pain rivals ours because that's a pretty bold move to make.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now, there are cases where they are weaponizing our relationship with the grandkids, but they're only doing that because they are hurting.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: So whether whether their cause is valid in our eyes or not, it's still the pain is valid.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: The pain is real, it's authentic.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: They're not making up their pain in any circumstance.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_00: It's it's just not done that way.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: So unless they're basically takes um, so because their pain is so valid and so overpowering, um, it is is is what you're saying, like they don't have an ability to empathize with our pain because of that pain.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: No, no, no.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: They have the ability to empathize, okay, but their pain is as strong or greater.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: They think.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: They don't have the capacity to see and feel the way we do unless they have their own children.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: And they will probably think that they love their children more than we do and in the right way.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and that we we did it wrong.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so uh misunderstandings arise.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: We were told to parent in this manner or that manner, we were also raised to parent differently, and so the world we come from defines who we are.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, the world they come from is different than our world, not just in upbringing, but also in the social influences in the world, the ideas of the day.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: And while our upbringing was influenced by, you know, um playing outdoors and being able to run around the neighborhood and not worry about predators.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um our upbringing was influenced by family dinners that connected and and you know, family fighting.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: But that was that was the world we were from, and their world is one of being isolated, especially in the last five years.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Their world is one of uh social media, of being plugged in all the time.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't have that time outdoors because we handed them devices, yeah, you know, and we provided devices for them, or they got them by other means, but we allowed them.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: But our children grew up in such a different way with such an unreal world around them.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's it's like the Calvin and Hobbes commercial that shows a picture he took of his clean bedroom, and then it shows a second picture of behind the camera, and everything is piled up there.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: The whole mess of the room got shoved over there, but that corner that he took a picture of looked clean, made it look like he was in a clean bedroom.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: That is the world that our child lives in, is everything looks a certain way, but it's not true.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: But influencers don't show real life, they show the good, the pretty, the happy, because that's what people want to see.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, they make a good living from that, but our children don't have the wisdom and experience while they're growing up to see that, to see that it's fake, to see that it's counterfeit and fool's gold.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: And so they believe that's how they deserve to live.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: They believe that that's what life is supposed to be.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: And with that belief, they just go straight ahead and try to uh plow through and make make you know that life their real life.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um and unfortunately, that's not going to be what is real, it's going to be based on this narrative that developed in their mind over a decade or two.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: Why do you think that like in the in the culture that we live in today, like specifically today, and I've seen it widely, um, and I think I shared this with you before.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: I was watching um an episode of Oprah, and she was doing an episode on estrangement, and it was encouraged.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, being estranged from a parent was almost encouraged and not discouraged.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_01: And and that really discouraged me because as a parent from an estranged child, on the flip side of that, you know, um episode, I was actually literally furious with it.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: But I mean, you know, as as I think parents would be or could be, but I'm not at my child, but at the fact that it was encouraged for kids to be estranged with their parents, like, oh, your parents weren't your parents screwed up, they weren't good enough, just be just you know, diss them, just stay disconnect, disconnect, disconnect.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_01: And so that you can have that safe haven or that safe place or whatever it is.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm wondering why it's so encouraged and it instead of frowned upon.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, because back in our day, um, we were we were it would be frowned upon in our day.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: Beyond literally.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we'd get a whip if we'd thought about the blood is thicker than water.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: The blood is thicker than water, and the honor thy parents mentality are gone.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Gone.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because they our children were raised with an environment that formed out of necessity um decades ago.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that was that the LGBT movement, those people were rejected by their parents, they were kicked out of their families.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: I don't mean they chose to leave, I mean they were disowned.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: They were just fully rejected and had no families.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of and and just so you know, I have LGBT children.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's the wrong way for a Christian to behave.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: I agree.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: If you want to help your children, you've got to keep them in your life.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and Jesus didn't love the Pharisees, Jesus loved the sinners, Jesus loved the um ritually unclean, Jesus loved the uh the lepers, you know, everyone.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, and so we need to follow suit, period.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Any Christian who calls themselves a Christian can reject a sin, but not reject the sinner.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't mean you want to invite the murderers to your dinner table, but you can have hope for them and pray for them, yeah, and you can love them and know that they were a sweet little infant, pure and clean when they came into this world, and something turned them and have compassion on them.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Now moving on to our next step.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, I was going to say that um, oh my goodness, what was your question again?
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: Talking about um why it's so accepted that um or encouraged to be a surgery.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, yes.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and the other reason that's encouraged is because of this um personage named Satan or Lucifer.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes, yes, and he is trying to destroy the family.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and if you ask Chat GPT if you were trying to destroy the family, what plan would you come up with?
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: It would very much include the things that have led us to this stage of estrangement.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: Let's see, first we've got to destroy the roles in the family, then we have to destroy the um glue in the family, the connection in the family without a homemaker who is making a home.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't mean someone who's stay a stay-at-home mom, I mean somebody who is uh really actively that is their goal is to make their home a good experience to round it out.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really hard to do if you have a career.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's very easy to do if you have a job.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: There's a difference.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're busy pursuing your career, you're making choices above the family, you're making choices above your children.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: And that's not to condemn having a career, because that's a great choice for many people, especially single moms.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Never condemn yourself for that.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: I have a career, but my children are grown.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: But I do believe that we have to give equal emphasis to building a family environment that is loving and inclusive.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_00: And um, I think that that has fallen by the wayside to some degree.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying it was there in all of the stay-at-home moms either, but I think it was an ideal, yeah.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, which I think is now gone.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: We raise our kids and sometimes they are getting in the way of the lives we want.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we focus on ourselves and our, you know, our own path and our own comforts and things above those of the needs of those that we have given birth to.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, okay, now if anyone feels guilty, just know that I didn't do it either.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, I I'm talking ideals, not real world.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I made all the mistakes.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I can say this because I know the wrong way.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but as long as your children know that they are first in your heart, after God and your husband, if you have a husband, that they are first, that they are the ones that of the world you would choose them again and again, then that puts the rest in perspective.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because why do we have a career?
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: It's either for vain ambition or it is to care for our family, and if we ever lose that perspective, then we are losing something really precious.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: So I have a question real quick.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so like in my situation, my son, my we'll say my son because I already said it.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_01: But anyway, um, I have two daughters and a son.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: My daughters and I are really close, but my son and I are estranged right now.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: We've been estranged going on almost five years.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: And um, we were super close.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_01: Like my girls were just floored that he, you know, he chose us, but but he it was another individual that stepped in that kind of detoured him.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't our relationship, and um, and it's not that I didn't like her and or or liked her or disliked her.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um, she just had it had her mind made up that you know the whole world is against her, so he's you know, he's gotta just protect her.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_01: And he needs to stay away from everyone in order to protect her.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: And he he didn't just um become a strange with me, he became a strange with every single person, his friends, every family member, his cousins, um, my his sisters, every everyone.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: He he's like, it's it's just like those like two peas in a pot, and that is it.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: Like the pot is sealed, tight, and there's no connection with anyone else.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: That is their whole world.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: And it's sad because him and I were really, we were super close, like very, very close.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, my heart just broke into thousands of pieces, and and I miss him terribly.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: But I also understand that, you know, like the Bible says, when when the man um or when the man needs to cleave to his wife, it's time for them to, you know, to step away from mommy, you know, and I get that, right?
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, we want to be part of that.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_01: You know, we want to encourage it and you know, show up for holidays and events, and you know, um, if they're struggling financially, help them, or if they're not, you know, just go and have a a a dinner together, whatever it is.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_01: And it's so hard because I never in my entire lifetime time would have ever thought that would happen to me, and it did.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: And I was just, I I mean, I was overwhelmed.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_01: I remember the first year, like I cried so much the first year.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: I missed him so much.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: My heart broke.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: I and I would text him and text, he wouldn't text, he wouldn't, nothing, just nothing.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_01: Complete silence.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, and then I thought, well, maybe because of what I'm saying to him, it's making him matter.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: I better just leave.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_01: Then I gave him a space, and that didn't work either.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I so what would you say to I mean, kind of what would you encourage?
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it's been five years now.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: Now I message him like every like once or twice a month, where I used to message him like five times a day.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I don't know what the like what where the level is, what to do.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: Does that make sense?
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, here's the level stop.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm leave him alone, just leave him be.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_01: Leave him alone.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, he has left because he wants the space, and I don't say that lightly, I say stop.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Like stop.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Send him a text on his birthday, tell him you love him, and your door is always open, and then nothing else.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_00: Mickey, you need to take my course.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_02: You really do, you really do.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the thing is that when you are um reaching out to your child, you're reaching out because you love him and because you miss him, and because you want to hear.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: That's your want.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: What is his want?
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing, obviously.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: He doesn't want he doesn't want anything.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he doesn't want anything to do with you right now.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Now, do you think God understands this?
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, I'm sure he does.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so let's look at what God says about this.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_00: He gave the perfect example of an estranged child in the tale of the prodigal son.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, he did.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, in the parable of the prodigal son, he was teaching the Pharisees, and who were the Pharisees in this tale?
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: Well, they were um the Pharisees.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: No, I mean I don't mean in real life.
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_00: I mean in the parable of the prodigal son, who did the Pharisees represent?
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, well, the church and the the everything.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: They represent quite a bit.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, but um more like power.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: No, I what I'm trying to say is in the parable of the prodigal son, there were three characters.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_00: Which one was the Pharisees?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: You have to you'll have to there's the father, there's the son, and there's the older brother.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, okay.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_00: I forgot about the older brother.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, they represent the older brother, and Jesus told this story to put them in their place.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: And in this story, Heavenly Father represents the father.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: He did it perfectly.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: The son represents all of his children, many of his children.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: But in he spoke in their culture, and in their culture, if a child leaves the faith, rejects the faith, and leaves, they are dead to their parents and they do a ceremony afterwards where they have everyone come together, they step on a clay pot, they break it, and they declare that child dead to them.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: So now let's take a look at the prodigal son story again.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: The prodigal son left.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: Why he left is not explained, nor is it important.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_00: He rejected his family, he rejected his faith, he rejected everything that was good, and he demanded that he get the inheritance now.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: So he robbed from his dad before his father's death, wanted it now.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: Now that father loved him so much.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: What did he do?
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: Let him go.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: He let him go.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_00: He gave it to him and let him go.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_00: And so that son went off with riotous living and uh wasted his money among harlots, and he lived in a faraway land.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now, in Jerusalem at the time, a faraway land meant not of our faith.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, he rejected the faith, and that was a big deal, okay.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't just I'm making mistakes, it was uh I'm not Christian, I'm atheist, I'm you know, this, I'm choosing the wrong thing.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now, in that circumstance, we are told to let him go.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: And then what did the father do after that?
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: We get a clue from the older brother because he said, These many years have I served for thee, right?
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: These many years now, so how long was the prodigal son gone?
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know the length of time, but it's it was a while.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_00: These many years, yeah.
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_00: It was a while.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so yeah, it was at least five years.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: He said, These many years.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: So when his son when his son came back, he was watching still, he was waiting still.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: He had an open heart and open arms ready for him, and he did something that men did not do.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_00: You can't run in a skirt.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: These he had to lift his skirts, which was undiscovered.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Dignified, so you just didn't do it.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: He lifted his skirt so he could run and embrace his son.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: And that's significant.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_00: He broke all the rules to run and embrace his son.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's why it's important that it says run in there.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then he embraced his son.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: And then instead of having everyone and all the family and the neighbors together and breaking the pot and declaring him dead to him, he had them come to it.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: And see, that's why it's so significant he mentions that.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_00: He brought everyone together and killed the fatted calf, which was being saved for who knows what, and made this the occasion of celebration, made this the occasion of happiness and joy, because his son, who was dead to him, is now alive.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: Now that was spoken by Jesus, who was not a parent, who wasn't um someone who had experienced that particular pain, but who understood because how many of God's children reject him?
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, many.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: And how many of us reject him daily in the choices that we make?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: We all do, I think.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_00: I agree completely.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think we do every single day.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we all do.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: And he waits with his arms ready to receive us.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the beauty of you know, of repentance and of of choice and change and and coming to Jesus and believing Jesus, not just believing in him.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so going back to what you were saying earlier, I wanted to draw attention to the fact that most children who leave leave because of influence of another person.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: Not many, but most.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: Uh it's not like you know, 98%, it's more like 70%.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_00: But because there's mental illness, there's uh drugs or alcohol addiction, there's um other things, um, becoming a prodigal and believing a big one is believing that my parents won't accept me because of my political beliefs or because of my um sexuality.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that is a huge deal.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: It breaks my heart that children are leaving parents based on politics.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because at the end of the day, I know there's such a huge division in our country, but at the end of the day, do you know what?
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_00: We have so much more in common than not.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: We all want a strong economy, we all want peace, we all want health, we all want good education.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: Our means of going about it, our means of um prioritizing which is more important different.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: But that again, I think that comes from Satan.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: I think the enemy is trying to destroy us anywhere he can and consistently and constantly.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I mentioned the influence of other people as being the biggest uh contributing factor for children leaving, and it is.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the interesting thing: it can be the influence of an ex, it can be an influence of the custodial parent, and they go to the other parent when after they've been raised um and live there because you know, with dad, you're accepted as you are because he's trying to make up for lost time, and he buys you all the stuff and you don't have rules.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and then mom becomes evil.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: Was mom evil?
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_00: No, but that's their perspective.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: Now it's something that everybody makes mistakes, and we see what we look for and we see what we dwell on.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: The brain is not, I use a lot of neuroscience and personal development in my teaching, but the brain is not a computer, no, and it doesn't remember with videos, it takes fragments.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_00: Memories are actually fragments, they are not a complete thing.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: And so what happens is instead of remembering a fun experience when our children were little and having it play through like a video in our brain, we remember fragments and then our brain interpolates and puts it together as a memory.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now, what if we're in a bad mood and we're trying to remember something versus in a great mood and trying to remember something?
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_00: It influences the perspective of that memory, and we our brain is virtually rewriting that memory each time we pull it up.
• 26:43
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's how our brain works, but we believe that thoughts are facts and they are not right, they are feelings, they are electricity, they are uh thoughts that come into our head, they are not facts.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we can see things and believe it's a fact, we can hear things and believe it's a fact, it doesn't mean it's true, correct?
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: Same thing with what goes on in our brain, and if we have the same thought over and over, each time we have that thought, a neuron uh makes a new connection.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and when we are making that new connection each time we have that thought twice, three, four times, we're strengthening that pathway because those neurons are going to fire together, all right?
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_00: So it's gonna be a bigger fire.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_00: Now, what if we have that thought a hundred times and then a thousand times?
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_00: Have that thought once a day, it's not a big deal, but have that thought once a day for a long time, and then start having it twice and three times a day.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: Your brain does not differentiate between a thought and a fact.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and so something can be completely false, but if you have that thought enough, it is a comfortable thought, it is something you've processed many times before, and therefore it feels the same as a fact.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_00: And people sometimes think, oh, that's not true.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I can talk you through where you close your eyes and you imagine a lemon.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_00: Try this right now.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_00: Well, unless you're driving, close your eyes and imagine you're holding a lemon in your hand and you're smelling it, and it doesn't smell very strong, but you scratch the skin a little and those oils come out, and you smell, oh my goodness, that's so much stronger.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: And you've got a little bit of zest under your fingernail now, and you're rubbing the texture of it, and then you slice the end off, and you're gonna squeeze that juice on your tongue, and as you do, it's so tart, it just makes you like jump.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: And at that point, you're feeling all this tartness, and you know what?
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_00: Now put your fake lemon away, and guess what?
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_00: Your mouth is watering.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_01: That's true, yes, actually.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: And and I controlled you and I made your mouth water over a lie.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: There was never a lemon there, but your brain can't tell the difference and had a visceral response.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_00: So, what is it doing about the facts that are coming to us?
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: Now, here's another fact.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: This is a hard one for parents to hear because it's true.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_00: When a child is thinking about these things and has been told these things by a source, by a new girlfriend, boyfriend, new therapist, new friend, new pastor or clergy, this person is going to start believing that, and then they start looking for the experiences because they say, Oh, I never thought of it.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: I never saw it that way before.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_00: And then suddenly they look back through their life and they weigh their entire life based on this lie about you.
• 29:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: And suddenly their life looks very different than it did, and they did grow up abused.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: Is that the case?
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_00: No, but that feels real to them.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: So now I'm gonna say, and what does a parent do in response?
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_00: Well, they're gonna look at their life and they're gonna say, Oh my gosh, I was a good parent.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_00: How can you possibly say that about me?
• 30:20
  SPEAKER_00: And then they're going back through their life and they're looking at all of the evidence that shows that they were a good parent because that's the bias they're looking from.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_00: Guess what they find?
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_00: They're not gonna find all the bad moments, they're not gonna see those clearly because the brain is looking to defend.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and so with that perspective, it's really important to recognize that we are not going to see anything clearly, only God knows the truth.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_00: I will tell you what the facts say.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_00: 95% of parents did an adequate job for their child to grow up and have a successful life.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_00: Five percent were abusive enough that the child should be removed from the home.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that comes from my uh social worker son um in Texas and what he learned in his training to be uh, you know, to work for the state.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: Um if that's the case, and there are about 12%.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_00: Well, no, um uh there's about 7% of moms have been rejected.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I know for a fact that some of the moms that were that were abusive still are in contact with their child.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_00: About half of the moms or a third of the moms that come into this class that I teach are the the ones that were abusive.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_00: I would say closer to a third.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: And most of us are good moms.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_00: So why are good moms being rejected?
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because of the bias.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: The brain starts to see things from a different perspective and it believes it, and that's not your child being mean or evil or deceptive, that is biology, that is chemicals and electricity, and when you recognize that it's a lot less painful because this isn't as personal as we think, right?
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: Our child has been deceived, as have we to some degree, about our goodness, and some of us really were abusive.
• 32:42
  SPEAKER_00: We had our abusive moments or we had our abusive years.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the beauty of it you can repent.
• 32:51
  SPEAKER_00: You can repent, you can come to Jesus and you can have this washed away, you can be clean again, and in that, in that joy of being clean again, of having it gone from your life and from your heart and being a new person and living the way Jesus asks us to because he saves us, and if we love him, then we will obey his commandments, and I just I love, love, love what that offers to us.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_00: All of us had abusive moments, every one of us, and it just it's part of being human and being tired, and it's late at night.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I I use an analogy that sometimes a child might come to us and they're having an existential crisis or they're feeling suicidal, and they don't use those words, but they come to us and it's late at night, and we're tired, and we've got a work deadline in the morning, and we're worried about our health because we've got some concerning symptoms, and our marriage is kind of on the rocks, and we don't want the kids to know.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, we're going through a lot and the kids don't know about it.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and we might have bankruptcy on the horizon, but our kids don't know about this.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: So while he or she comes to you in the middle of the night and white wakes you up when you're so tired and you've got this big presentation in the morning, and your job depends on it, it doesn't feel as important.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_00: And you brush them off and you say, Look, we'll talk about it in the morning.
• 34:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm tired, I need my sleep.
• 34:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, which in your mind, I really need my sleep.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_00: And in their mind, is incredible rejection.
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_00: I woke you and no, it's in the middle of the night.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_00: I woke you because I need you.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have another mother.
• 34:45
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_00: And because of that, they don't come to us, they don't tell us about their experience, they don't say what's happening, but our child's mind is changed because our child knows that we aren't there for them.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_00: We value our sleep more than their problems and their concerns.
• 35:03
  SPEAKER_00: We really want our job to go well or whatever, some important vain thing that doesn't matter in the eternities.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so they know that they're second or third tier.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: Is that the case?
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: No, we need to stay employed for their sake, right?
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_00: We need to uh be ready to care for them, but they don't know that because we don't talk about finance with them, we don't talk about our marriage with them, we don't talk about our work problems with them, and they don't know because they didn't talk to us, and so it becomes this stage where, well, a wedge is in the way, and at some point that wedge just breaks it off.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_00: You know, if a wedge is left in uh the crook of a tree and the tree grows and grows, eventually it's going to break the tree because the tree can't have the strength it needs of cohesion because there's something that grew in the way and it breaks off.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I believe that that's what's happening with these children many times, is that a uh a moment happens, we're unaware of it, it's in our blind spot because we don't know.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't use the word, I'm thinking about taking my life.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_00: They didn't use the words, um I just I don't I don't even know who I am, I feel completely lost, I'm confused, I wonder if I'm mentally ill.
• 36:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, those words didn't come up.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_00: And if we're not in tune with the Holy Spirit at all times, and if we're not trying to be close to God in every moment, then what happens is we are going to be susceptible to the swaying of Satan, which is just rejoicing in that moment, because he knows the end from the beginning in that.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_00: He knows that he placed a serious wedge.
• 36:57
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_01: That makes sense.
• 37:00
  SPEAKER_01: There's there's so much, like I I know when I think about it, you know, I I think, you know, obviously I'm on the parent side of it, not the child side of it, but I've also been rejected as the child.
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_01: Um, being put in foster homes, yo-yoed in and out.
• 37:13
  SPEAKER_01: My mom wanted me, didn't want me, want me.
• 37:15
  SPEAKER_01: My mom straight up just told me, I don't want you, get out, get about, get out of my car, I don't want you.
• 37:19
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so being told that literally to my face, um, and then being rejected by my dad, I remember, I remember being very probably over the top protective and over nurturing to my children because I never, ever wanted them to feel that I didn't want them.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_01: Ever.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_01: Not one moment.
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_01: And then um, when I started foster care, my kids were teenagers, except for my oldest daughter.
• 37:42
  SPEAKER_01: She was she was a she was an adult, but I had a you know seven uh sixteen and a half, seventeen and a half, and then eighteen and a half.
• 37:50
  SPEAKER_01: So I remember I was thinking about doing foster care and I kept waiting and waiting and waiting.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember sitting down with them to tell them I wanted to do foster care myself.
• 37:58
  SPEAKER_01: And they said, Mom, what are you waiting for?
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, I want to make sure that you guys are old enough.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_01: And they're like set 16, 17, and 18, and that you know that I don't want you to ever think, ever think that if I brought another child in the home that I would love you any less than I love you.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_01: And they're like, Mom, that is absurd.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_01: That is ridiculous, you know.
• 38:16
  SPEAKER_01: We know you love us, okay?
• 38:17
  SPEAKER_01: Go be a foster mom, go do it.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_01: You'd be great, whatever.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I did, and I, you know, and then I fostered 151 kids, but and then then until I adopted.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_01: But it was crazy that you know, I wanted to be mindful and considerate because of what I was raised with, to their needs and thinking that.
• 38:34
  SPEAKER_01: So again, you know, years later, being estranged with my son.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: My son um, you know, was uh you know, in his late 20s, late 20s, I believe, can't remember how old he is now, uh late 20s, um, when we became estranged.
• 38:48
  SPEAKER_01: So it didn't just happen like, you know, right after high school or whatever, he just take off.
• 38:52
  SPEAKER_01: So um, so it was just really flabbergasting for me, but um, because they knew how much I cared, they knew how much I loved and you know would do anything in the world for them, you know, no matter what.
• 39:02
  SPEAKER_01: And so it just it you know it just kind of floored me.
• 39:05
  SPEAKER_01: But I remember thinking that when they were young and and them saying, Mom, you know, that is just absurd.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I but I really wanted them to know that I never wanted that thought to ever cross their mind.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_01: Ever, you know.
• 39:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so to become estranged with one of my kids, just you know, knowing that we went through that little scenario was just a whammer for me, if that makes sense.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, it just it just floored me.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_01: But I get it.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_01: It was, you know, because of um of another person that stepped into his life that needed um needed him a hundred percent.
• 39:37
  SPEAKER_01: He didn't have any percentage to give anybody else, is the way I look at it.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_01: Like that two P's in the pod thing.
• 39:42
  SPEAKER_01: Like there's their pod, and it's closed, it's sealed, it's it's just those two, and there there can't, there's no room for anything else.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_01: And that's kind of how I that's the perspective I've given myself, even as much as it hurts.
• 39:53
  SPEAKER_01: But I get you know, I get what you're saying.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_01: There's times when I'm like, I message him, and then there's times like, don't message him, don't message him, don't message him, you know, because our heart's desire is like, I want to pick up the phone so bad and just call him and bug the heck out of him.
• 40:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, I want to be that little pest in his ear, like, call mom, call mom, call mom, you know.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that just pushes them away so fast.
• 40:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I could see that.
• 40:11
  SPEAKER_00: If they go, say one time, and this is one time, say, I love you.
• 40:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 40:20
  SPEAKER_00: My door is always open.
• 40:24
  SPEAKER_00: Goodbye.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, I've actually said that.
• 40:28
  SPEAKER_00: So and and then say nothing else because when they are dealing with you, they are in a heightened mode, they're not in a natural relaxed state.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_00: And when you are running from your amygdala, when you're running from fear, when you're operating in a fear mode or a panic or crisis mode, what does it look like for you to process things?
• 40:52
  SPEAKER_00: Do you process them with calm thought and in the prefrontal cortex with logic and with calm and clear thinking?
• 41:01
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you process it from a gut reaction because you're afraid you're freaking out about stuff?
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_00: Clearly, it is no, no, no, no, if it is emotionally charged, okay, then it is not from clear logical thinking, and so trying to explain your perspective is wrong.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_00: Trying to apologize more than once is wrong, although I recommend not apologizing at all.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, because what they want is this they are in a crisis mode, and when they are in crisis mode, they're not thinking, and when they're dealing with you, it puts them back into a charge, emotionally charged environment.
• 41:44
  SPEAKER_00: And because it is emotionally charged, they are not calm and cool and collected in their thoughts, they are emotionally charged, they are on high alert, and in that moment, what we say goes, and they're gonna read from it whatever perspective they are looking from.
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, if they're operating from fear, if they're operating from pain, which they are, here's what they hear I'm so sorry, and they hear see, I told you she was guilty.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I love you so very much, please don't do this, da da da and they hear pressure, manipulation, controlling okay, anything we say can and will be used against us in the court of their mind, yeah.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_00: Anything because they are in crisis mode in an emotionally charged environment in their brain, and they are operating from a pain center, not from a logical center.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_00: How many of us can think like Spock from a logical viewpoint without any emotion coming in in a moment of crisis?
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_00: The answer is zero, we're human.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_00: None of us, our brains are biological, and there's a lot of feeling, and feeling always impacts our memory.
• 43:09
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that's why when you go to therapy and you're reviewing something over and over and over week after week, and you review it in a therapeutic environment, most of the time it is reviewed with emotion, and that emotion is not always good because we review the bad.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_00: We don't go through and review all the good experiences we had.
• 43:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what therapy is.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it should be, but that's not what therapy is.
• 43:37
  SPEAKER_00: We're reviewing the bad, and as we do, trying to overcome the bad.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_00: Well, what we're doing is we're reinforcing the bad.
• 43:46
  SPEAKER_00: And each time we remember it, we're remembering it from a calm and cool and collected state.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_00: Nope.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's emotionally charged, and that's what the therapist works with is trying to you know help us to see it from a Calm and cool collected state.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_00: But in the interim, we're reinforcing it each time.
• 44:05
  SPEAKER_00: And each time it gets darker and darker because it's tinged by our cognitive bias, the perspective that we have at the time.
• 44:14
  SPEAKER_00: And that is something that naturally makes that experience stronger and stronger and worse and worse.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_00: If we don't have a skilled therapist helping us through it.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_00: And if we have a skilled therapist who is very pro-individualism and not pro-family, then what happens is we begin hearing words like family of origin versus your chosen family.
• 44:45
  SPEAKER_00: And uh basically we are relegated to the shelf as the birth parents instead of the parents.
• 44:55
  SPEAKER_00: And it's something where we have to be careful.
• 44:59
  SPEAKER_00: This is what is happening in America, and it is a movement that is spreading.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_00: And as you mentioned, the Oprah episode, it was not a carefully crafted equal side.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_00: There was a very conservative man named Phil Coleman on there.
• 45:14
  SPEAKER_00: He does great work.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I've learned a great deal from him.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_00: But also there was a woman who unintentionally became the parent of this movement when she wrote the book.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um what was it?
• 45:31
  SPEAKER_00: Adult Children of Emotionally Unstable Parents or something like that.
• 45:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but when you have immature parents and they are not emotionally unstable, maybe it was immature parents.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_00: But guess what?
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_00: We're all immature.
• 45:45
  SPEAKER_00: We all have mistakes, and this teaches them to look for those mistakes.
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_00: And instead of saying, um, my parent had these selfish moments or this selfish streak, it's my parent is a narcissist.
• 46:01
  SPEAKER_00: And there are keywords spreading around the internet, and those were that you hear over and over.
• 46:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so if your child starts spouting these and rejecting you, know that they've been impacted by this movement, and those words are toxic, trauma, narcissist.
• 46:20
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, there's one other one.
• 46:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'll think of it.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_00: But what what's happening is you are being judged by somebody who has been involved in this movement, somebody who has received this bias and taken it in and looked back at their life.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_00: Is it their fault that they're finding those things when they look back?
• 46:49
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's biology.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 46:54
  SPEAKER_00: And uh they don't have to choose it.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_00: It is there is choice involved, certainly.
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_00: Right, but it's not personal as much as people think.
• 47:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's highly personal, it's highly connective.
• 47:08
  SPEAKER_00: It I mean, it's your relationship with your child.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_00: What is more sacred than that?
• 47:12
  SPEAKER_01: Right, exactly.
• 47:14
  SPEAKER_00: But at the same time, your child has made this choice because they believe, whether it's valid or not, that they have a valid reason.
• 47:25
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and they believe that that's the direction they have to go.
• 47:30
  SPEAKER_00: What they're doing, if you're a child out there listening, this stops your trigger, which is great, but this doesn't fix the problem.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_00: And any emotional problems you have are going to go forward into your next relationship.
• 47:46
  SPEAKER_00: So stopping the trigger is not enough.
• 47:49
  SPEAKER_00: And every reporter or uh journalist I've seen write about this, they all seem to be children that have pulled away and are biased and talk about how important it was for them to do that, how much they missed their parent, but that they could never go back, right?
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I hear that, but there's so much pain coming through.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they are not over this.
• 48:14
  SPEAKER_00: And so, what do we do when we are in a situation like that?
• 48:19
  SPEAKER_00: We defend it vehemently, and uh, I see that happening over and over in so many publications, and it just breaks my heart because it's not the balanced story.
• 48:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, this is a lot of the balanced story is that God is in the details of our lives, and God loves families, and Satan's job, the enemy's job is to tear apart families, and this is a tool he has developed, and it's a powerful one.
• 48:57
  SPEAKER_00: But one last thing it is really important to know that 81% of children return to their mother in this lifetime.
• 49:09
  SPEAKER_00: 69% of sons of children return to their fathers in this lifetime.
• 49:16
  SPEAKER_00: So no matter what Satan is doing, clearly there is a movement here that those children are mostly returning to their parent in this lifetime, and it might take 10 or 20 years, but like the prodigal son, something brings them low and they come to themselves.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_00: So wait for your child to come to themselves because you've been consistently texting, let your son know that you're not gonna text him anymore, but your door is always open and you will always love him, and then end it.
• 49:52
  SPEAKER_00: Say, I'm letting you go.
• 49:55
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and you do that, and uh and that says I love you.
• 50:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 50:04
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's been it this that's you've given some amazing, amazing information today on this episode, and I'm very, very thankful for that.
• 50:13
  SPEAKER_01: Um uh for all of the um advice you've given today.
• 50:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I know that you have a program, so in closing, would you please tell our listeners like how they can reach you and kind of what you do as far as your program goes and what you offer, um, so that way they can know how to get a hold of you.
• 50:28
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I am on vacation in July, but starting August, again, starting up in August, the first week of the month, I have a webinar, a five-day webinar, and it's a challenge, and it's just over, you know, lunch break or whatever.
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_00: And the nice thing about it is you get to go and you get to learn, and you learn how to repair your identity because you can't lose a child and not have your identity impacted.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_00: But your identity is not I'm a mother.
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_00: It never was.
• 51:05
  SPEAKER_00: Your identity is I am a daughter of God.
• 51:08
  SPEAKER_00: I am a daughter of God who is a wife who is a mother.
• 51:12
  SPEAKER_00: That is my identity.
• 51:15
  SPEAKER_00: Um excuse me.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_00: Um my uh contact information is always my name, maritwelker.com, M-A-R-I-T, W E L K E R.
• 51:32
  SPEAKER_00: And you can find me on all the socials, on Instagram.
• 51:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm currently coaching rejected Christian moms, but I think it's going to be I coach rejected Christian moms.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_00: Had to change my name recently for legal reasons.
• 51:47
  SPEAKER_00: And um, so we are available for all kinds of things.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_00: I have a 90-day course, and it's it's very comprehensive to help you heal from this experience and move forward with strength, with more and greater love and compassion for your child, and with a greater understanding and more purpose and mission in your life.
• 52:11
  SPEAKER_00: Um but also not having the pain of how do I put it the pain of this experience darkening your door, it's not always there.
• 52:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's something that I want people to experience, to be able to go forward and to not just intellectually know, oh, I'm a child of God who has a mother, but to be able to internalize that.
• 52:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what my program does.
• 52:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's really a powerful experience to go through.
• 52:49
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes people need to uh take a 30-minute break afterwards, yeah.
• 52:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I'm kidding, but you know, it's it's something that's emotionally intense, and because it works, because it's powerful, because it allows you to rewrite your brain to see and feel that I am a daughter of God, I am a mother in Zion.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_00: I, you know, I do God's will and be able to put that as the center of her heart.
• 53:23
  SPEAKER_00: And then even for the moms that were abusive, there is no shame.
• 53:29
  SPEAKER_00: There is no shame.
• 53:30
  SPEAKER_00: We all make mistakes, we all have different circumstances in our past that have brought us to where we are.
• 53:37
  SPEAKER_00: The only key element is what are we going to do about it now going forward?
• 53:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 53:44
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's thank you for that.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_01: It's it's great.
• 53:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I know that there's millions of coaches out there, but there's not a million um coaches doing what you're doing, actually.
• 53:54
  SPEAKER_01: And so I'm really thankful for what you're doing.
• 53:56
  SPEAKER_01: I do know um um a few people that have children as well as myself that are estranged.
• 54:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm one of my friends that I I think of, it's been like 20 years, you know, still.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_01: And um every time I I see her post um for his birthday, it just you know, I cringe a little bit.
• 54:16
  SPEAKER_01: I think, oh my gosh, 20 years, it's been five for me, you know.
• 54:19
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm like, I can't imagine 20, but you know, and she's just you know, she's just keep pressing forward, and she's a really strong Christian.
• 54:25
  SPEAKER_01: But um, so I I can see how um your course would be very helpful.
• 54:30
  SPEAKER_01: Just just this episode alone has been very helpful for me today, and I thank you for that.
• 54:34
  SPEAKER_01: I thank you for sharing that and being willing to um, you know, um use this episode to to to help um in that area.
• 54:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I know that um sometimes, you know, we have that victim um mentality.
• 54:47
  SPEAKER_01: We have, you know, we think, you know, either we're the victim or they're the victim or whatever it is, and and we are at the end of the day, we all are um God's children, you know, at the end of the day.
• 54:57
  SPEAKER_01: And we stand before um something higher than ourselves.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_01: And I think about that a lot of times when I think about, you know, my son needs to return or whatever.
• 55:06
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I've had you know, not as much as now as I used to, but and I think, you know what, you know, if he's living his best life, that's all I I wish for him.
• 55:14
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I just wish you know, even though I miss him, you know, I want to give him a big old hug.
• 55:18
  SPEAKER_01: But on that note, but anyhow, um, I do I do want to just say thank you so much.
• 55:23
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for everything you brought today to the table, everything you've offered, um, all the advice.
• 55:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I get I feel your love and compassion.
• 55:29
  SPEAKER_01: That's amazing.
• 55:31
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I love that on on the show when somebody can actually, you know, um, you can you know reciprocate that and you can feel it and it and it just it really comes through strong with you.
• 55:40
  SPEAKER_01: And um, I can tell that you really have a desire and care for people that are going through the situation.
• 55:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I encourage all of our listeners out there that are um watching today, please um for one, like, follow, and share both of us.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_01: But also, if this is you, like if this is you and you are in this situation, please reach out to to Tamara and let her know.
• 56:00
  SPEAKER_01: Um and and just just touch base with her and just reach out.
• 56:04
  SPEAKER_01: And and if it's a fit, it's a fit, and it's a win, it's a win.
• 56:07
  SPEAKER_01: You know, so I always try to encourage people to at least take that that that initial step in reaching out and have that conversation to see where it needs to go next, to see what um um what can come of it.
• 56:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I think I think a lot of good could come of it.
• 56:20
  SPEAKER_01: So, Merritt, I thank you so much for being here, and I apologize for butchering your name in the beginning.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_01: I got your last name right.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_01: I was worried about butchering your last name and I butchered your first name.
• 56:30
  SPEAKER_01: Anyhow, um, thank you again.
• 56:33
  SPEAKER_01: And I can't wait until I can't wait until we go to lunch and meet in person and maybe do an episode together in person, that'd be fun.
• 56:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but as far as that goes for our listeners, thank you all so much for being here.
• 56:42
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate each and every one of you.
• 56:44
  SPEAKER_01: And I just pray that you have a great day.
• 56:45
  SPEAKER_01: And also on crushingstrongholds.com, if you need prayer or if you um need um a clarity call or consultation, you can reach out to me as well.
• 56:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I will have um Mart's um information, all of her stuff in the show notes, so you can reach out to her at any time.
• 57:00
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you all for watching.
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for listening, and you all have a great and blessed day.
• 57:04
  SPEAKER_01: So, Mary, thank you.
• 57:05
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate you very much.
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 57:10
  SPEAKER_01: There it goes.