Latest / The Reverse Aging Club with Meredith Oke / 132: Melissa Sonners - Microdosing Connection: Simple Steps To Entrain Your Brain On A Daily Basis

Transcript

132: Melissa Sonners - Microdosing Connection: Simple Steps To Entrain Your Brain On A Daily Basis · The Reverse Aging Club with Meredith Oke

4:59
Meredith Oke: All right, Dr. Melissa Sonners, welcome to the
5:03
QVC podcast. I'm really looking forward to this
5:06
chat.
5:07
Melissa Sonners: I am, too. Thank you so much for having me. I'm
5:10
so excited to take a real life, busy woman
5:12
approach to all the things that we're going to
5:13
talk about.
5:15
Meredith Oke: Yes. Because this, I think, is really needed. We
5:20
are so keen on learning all the information and
5:24
looking at all the science. And I know I won't
5:27
look at my stats and people just, like, scroll
5:29
through till there's like, the longest science
5:31
sound bite enough in the podcast. And, like, it's
5:35
almost like I don't want it. Maybe addiction's a
5:38
little strong, but people, I think, really want a
5:41
lot of information. And sometimes the piece
5:43
about, like, okay, what does that look like in
5:46
our lives day to day either gets skipped over or
5:50
we become super extreme about it.
5:56
Melissa Sonners: Yeah, I think we're surrounded by so, so much
6:00
helpful information. We are in the age of
6:02
information. Like, you can learn about anything
6:05
on YouTube from making a sourdough to resetting
6:08
your circadian rhythm, I mean, to fixing your
6:10
car. Like, you literally learn everything. And so
6:12
it's, how do we. How do we kind of like, filter
6:15
out the information that we don't always need to
6:18
be focused on? How do we make it realistic for
6:20
our lives? How do we kind of chunk it down to
6:22
what's applicable to us and now and then how can
6:25
we actually fit that? How can we actually fit
6:28
that into our daily rhythm without becoming
6:31
overwhelmed and stressed about how we're doing it
6:34
when we're doing it, or the days when we're not
6:36
able to fit it in? Because that's essentially
6:39
taking us in the complete opposite direction of
6:41
what we're aiming for anyway. Like, those things
6:43
just make us stressed and sick and feel chaotic,
6:47
and that's not what any of us are going for. So
6:49
super excited to talk this out.
6:51
Meredith Oke: Yes. All right, so let's start out by just doing,
6:55
like, a high level version of your story.
6:57
Melissa Sonners: So you are both.
6:59
Meredith Oke: You are a trained chiropractor, but you're also.
7:03
And you're also a mom, and you also hit the wall
7:06
with your own health. And so your work now is a
7:10
combination of all of those.
7:12
Melissa Sonners: Yes.
7:12
Meredith Oke: I love a little bit about what happened.
7:14
Melissa Sonners: Yeah, I love to say, you know, I'm trained as a
7:17
chiropractor. I'm an alignment guide and nervous
7:20
system specialist. And so for 15 years, I was
7:24
working in the practice. My main patient base was
7:28
pregnant mamas. Mamas leading up to pregnancy,
7:30
prenatal, postpartum, and through Their mama
7:33
journey. And then pediatric chiropractor.
7:36
Chiropractic. I'm a board certified pediatric
7:39
chiropractor. I think I'm one of like 52 in North
7:43
America. There might be more at this point, but
7:45
that really is like my specialty and my favorite.
7:48
That being said, you know, my platform is be
7:52
inspired. Mama. M a M A meaning I speak to all
7:56
the women. Like, I love the term mama for every
7:59
woman because I think we all nurture and take
8:01
care of loved ones, friends, family. And so I
8:05
just want to make it super clear that this
8:07
message applies to every woman out there and
8:10
actually a lot of men as well. So I was, you
8:15
know, as a chiropractor. My husband's a
8:17
chiropractor too. You saw him for a moment
8:19
helping us with tech support when he couldn't get
8:21
in the, in the room. We had grown our practice
8:26
together. We built our practice, we built a
8:29
family. We've got three children. They're still
8:31
pretty young. They're 14, 12 and 8 at this point.
8:36
But I was doing all the things, you know, I think
8:38
for many of us women, we look at self care as
8:40
this like to do item, as this thing that we're
8:43
supposed to somehow fit in. You know, I had
8:45
always heard the mantra, put your oxygen mask on
8:48
before assisting others. I don't know, have you
8:50
heard that or was that just like super prevalent
8:52
to me? Yep. And so I'm like, okay, great. How do
8:54
I do that? Where do I fit that in? Yes. Where's
8:57
this oxygen mask that's just going to like drop
8:59
down? No, I have to somehow carve out time. Well,
9:04
I had a full patient load of practice. We run a
9:09
very large holistic wellness center in New
9:11
Jersey. There's 30 staff members in that
9:13
building. I was managing them all. I was also
9:16
homeschooling our three children at the time.
9:18
Like, you could not put more on my plate. And I
9:21
think, you know, the way that my plate looks,
9:24
maybe the things I was specifically doing are
9:26
different from other women. But I think we all
9:28
have a very full plate. And so to me, it's like I
9:31
was doing what I thought I could do to take care
9:34
of myself, to put my oxygen mask on first. And it
9:37
was hard, right? Like in the long list of to do
9:41
items, where do I finally get to that? And like
9:45
if the daily rhythm, when I feel scattered and
9:47
chaotic and have those crazy moments, whether
9:50
it's like I was running out the door and late and
9:53
then one of our kids had a meltdown over like
9:56
their shoe being Tied wrong. Like that's, that's
10:00
when I needed the self care, right. I couldn't in
10:03
that moment go lay on a massage table or go get
10:06
the pedicure or whatever it was. So, you know, I
10:10
feel like I didn't do a great job of fitting it
10:12
in. But like what I was doing is I was working
10:16
out because that's what was important to me,
10:17
right? So I would get up extra early before the
10:20
day began. For me that was like 4:30am I am a
10:24
morning person, so like that's not crazy for me.
10:27
I go to bed at 9. I'm like asleep by 9. But it
10:31
wasn't, you know, my body was giving me signals
10:33
is like the biggest message that I want women to
10:35
hear. My body was giving me these little whispers
10:37
and signals that what I was doing was not
10:39
working. And I think like a lot of women, we have
10:43
become experts at quieting that voice. For me,
10:47
that voice was like, I'm tired, I want to sleep
10:50
in. And I would be like, hell you are. We're
10:53
getting up and we're working out and so I'm going
10:55
to give you a ton of coffee and we're going to go
10:57
to the gym, right? That voice would be like,
11:00
today I need slow, I need to put my feet up. And
11:04
I would quiet that voice like, nope, we're
11:06
supposed to work out because that's how we're
11:08
going to stay, you know, fit and doing all the
11:10
things and putting our oxygen mask on first. I'd
11:14
get to the end of the day and it's like, I just
11:15
want to snuggle with my children. No, you're
11:18
going to now go to that appointment because this
11:20
is your self care and you scheduled this thing
11:23
when you scheduled it. It sounded delightful. And
11:26
now you're like not wanting to miss out on family
11:29
time, but you had this commitment for this to do
11:32
item that's filling your cup. So like I just, I
11:35
felt like I was just constantly swirling, you
11:37
know, like so many of us are. And you know, I
11:40
look at stress as a bucket. I used to teach this
11:42
to my patients. Like we all have a bucket of the
11:44
stress that we can handle. And there's physical,
11:47
chemical and emotional stressors and they all
11:49
stack up as fluid in this bucket. And when your
11:52
bucket gets full, whatever that last little thing
11:55
is, it could be so small, that last drop, the
11:57
water will overflow. And that's when we have
11:59
major symptoms. We have symptoms all the way
12:03
leading up, but because they're kind of quiet and
12:05
under the radar and we don't listen to our bodies
12:08
the way that we're intended to. We skip over. And
12:11
so our buckets often overflow. And that's when we
12:13
finally make time or when we finally figure out
12:16
ways of what needs to work for us. Like, we.
12:19
It's. We wait too long. Right. And I think that's
12:22
kind of our culture. Like, we don't give space
12:26
for. Think about, as a woman, how hard it can be
12:31
if, you know, maybe you told this friend you were
12:33
going to meet her for a drink on Friday night or
12:36
whatever, and Friday night comes in, you're
12:37
exhausted. But, like, can we actually text or
12:41
call that friend and be like, I'm just not
12:43
feeling it. I just really want to be on my couch
12:45
right now? I think, you know, if you've spoken
12:48
out and practiced boundaries and established the
12:50
friendship circles that you deserve, you can. I
12:53
think for a lot of women, that boundary is hard.
12:57
And so we wouldn't say no unless we were like, I
12:59
am flat out laid out. I have the flu.
13:02
Meredith Oke: Yeah, I am. I had a fever.
13:05
Melissa Sonners: That's it.
13:06
Meredith Oke: Yeah.
13:06
Melissa Sonners: So it's like we have to wait until we're really
13:08
bad before we actually make time for ourselves.
13:12
And for me, that hit, and I was in my mid-30s. We
13:17
had a 6, a 4, and a 1 year old, and I got a
13:20
horrible form of neurological Lyme disease
13:22
coupled with mold toxicity, and that was my drop.
13:26
Right. And as a doctor, I know that people walk
13:30
around with lime in their blood. People walk
13:32
around with mold toxicity, and it's not great,
13:35
but their immune systems can handle it. Right. So
13:38
to me, it wasn't the tick bite, and it wasn't
13:40
necessarily the mold that threw me over. It was
13:42
all that I had let accumulate in my bucket. Does
13:46
that make sense to you? Like, it was just. It was
13:48
that final straw that broke the camel's back, and
13:51
it was. Yeah, yeah.
13:54
Meredith Oke: You didn't have enough inner resources to deal
13:56
with those things. Yeah, those extra things, they
13:59
just took you down.
14:01
Melissa Sonners: I was just running on cortisol on beta, which,
14:04
you know, I would love to talk about some
14:05
brainwave stuff later on in, like, the. The tools
14:08
that we're going to give women from this episode.
14:10
I want them to walk away with tangible
14:13
information, but I was running my life in beta
14:16
brainwave, which just meant I wasn't slowing down
14:18
from the moment I hit the ground to the moment I
14:20
went to bed, whether it was the speed of my
14:23
thoughts or the speed of my actions. And so my
14:27
body didn't give me a choice. I mean, I
14:29
literally. I couldn't find my way to our office,
14:31
which was two miles from our home. I built that
14:35
office with my husband and went there almost
14:37
every day for 15 years.
14:40
Meredith Oke: Wow. And you, like, actually couldn't physically
14:42
get there, navigate your way there.
14:44
Melissa Sonners: It was like, you know when you walk out of a room
14:46
and you forget what you went in the other room to
14:48
get? Yes, it was like that, but I've had that,
14:51
and I know that feeling. It was like that,
14:54
Meredith, but so much worse and so much scarier
14:57
and, like, I couldn't even remember why. Not only
15:02
why I walked within the room, but, like, what
15:03
room I was physically in. It was so bizarre. It
15:06
felt like someone put cobwebs all over my brain.
15:09
And so what I would do on the way to work, for
15:12
some reason, I could remember the address. I just
15:15
couldn't. Like, it's like I couldn't zoom above
15:17
and figure out how to get somewhere on a road.
15:20
Meredith Oke: Like, you couldn't, like, orient yourself?
15:21
Melissa Sonners: I couldn't. In the world.
15:23
Meredith Oke: That's so scary.
15:24
Melissa Sonners: So I would literally pull over and type the
15:26
address in the map, and I would get there, and I
15:28
told no one. You know, Like, I would just. I
15:30
would take some ibuprofen, and I would have some
15:32
caffeine, and I'm like, I've got people to take
15:34
care of. And I would keep pushing through, and it
15:36
just got worse and worse and worse. And, you
15:40
know, my spine started, like, blocking up. Like,
15:44
I realized at some point, like, this is systemic.
15:46
There's something going on. I went in to get some
15:49
tests run. It was on a Sunday. The doctor at
15:51
urgent care tried to send me away. He's like,
15:54
you're just a tired mom. I was like, no, I'm not.
15:58
Go home and rest. Go home and rest. So because
16:03
I'm in the healthcare field, I knew enough to
16:05
know, you know, I was like, I'm not leaving your
16:07
office unless you'll write in my chart that you
16:08
refuse to run blood work on me. And so he did,
16:11
and we got my results. And my husband's a
16:13
functional medicine practitioner. Like,
16:15
thankfully, we are armed with the resources,
16:18
information, and knowledge that I was able to get
16:21
a lot better really quickly. So I consider myself
16:25
very lucky. But the coolest thing that happened
16:28
in all that, because I really think our mess
16:30
becomes our message, is I realized, like, when I
16:35
got better, that I had to figure out a better way
16:38
because what I was doing, doing wasn't working
16:40
for me. I had to get better at, like, hearing
16:44
that voice at the end of the night that I'm
16:46
exhausted. I had a long day, I need to put my
16:49
feet up. And instead my reality was I needed to
16:52
cook dinner for our three kids and family. And so
16:55
instead of like listening to that voice and
16:57
trying to figure out somewhere in between, I
16:59
would have a glass of wine. Like, no judgment. I
17:02
still enjoy wine now and then. But like, the
17:04
intention behind the wine was an escape. I can't
17:07
fix what I need. I can't give myself what I need.
17:10
And so I'm going to give myself this and it's
17:12
going to make me not care. It was the intention
17:15
behind the practices that I had built in. I'm
17:18
exhausted. I don't want to get up and go to the
17:20
gym, but I'm going to go. And so I'm going to
17:22
have this huge, highly caffeinated beverage so
17:24
that I can go. I still love my coffee. But it's
17:27
like a very different intention the way that I
17:29
have it. It's not an escape from what my body's
17:33
telling me. And so, you know, over the last
17:36
decade, I've really, I geek out on science. I'm
17:40
very tapped in and tuned into my body. And so I
17:43
basically have like, dug doubled down on like
17:47
listening to these messages that we get. And then
17:50
I've paired it with neurology. And what I have
17:53
figured out is, you know, self care isn't. Isn't
17:57
this escape out of us? It doesn't have to be this
17:59
one hour routine or ritual. Self care is
18:02
connection. And when we can connect back into
18:06
like an internal anchor, when instead of escaping
18:10
from ourselves, we can escape home to ourselves
18:13
in the most chaotic moments, it changes
18:16
everything. And that's connection. And that
18:18
literally takes a matter of like minutes, if not
18:22
seconds. And this is how we actually take care of
18:26
ourselves as women. And so to me, this is, you
18:29
know, this is a movement that's being created. I
18:32
mean, it is time. Like we have been trying to
18:35
follow the system of self care that doesn't work
18:38
for us. And instead of looking at the system as
18:41
being flawed, we're thinking that there's
18:44
something wrong with us. Yeah.
18:47
Meredith Oke: Because.
18:47
Melissa Sonners: Yeah.
18:47
Meredith Oke: What I'm, I'm really hearing in your story is
18:50
that you were like, I'm doing the self care
18:54
things, I'm working out, I'm going to the
18:57
appointments, I'm doing the things. And we do, we
19:00
do that. We're like, okay, these are all the
19:03
things that I was told or that I've somehow
19:05
decided in my head are the correct things to be
19:08
doing. So if there's a problem, it's obviously my
19:11
fault. I was not doing it hard enough or long
19:15
enough or consistently enough or whatever.
19:17
Enough. When in reality it's like, how is it
19:20
working out for you? And maybe this system you've
19:22
devised or someone else has devised and imposed
19:25
upon you, however it worked out is not the right
19:27
thing.
19:28
Melissa Sonners: And Also, I think 100% what you just said. And
19:30
also, how many times do we as women compare
19:32
ourselves to another woman who's out there doing
19:34
it? Well, maybe she's doing it at, you know, for
19:37
us women that still have our cycle, you're
19:39
looking at her in ovulation and you're in luteal
19:42
phase. And like, cycle syncing is super powerful
19:45
and I love that. I'll call that a movement too.
19:48
Because what cycle syncing has done is instead of
19:50
us putting the shame on us, like, what's wrong
19:52
with me? It's empowering because we now have
19:55
information. I'm in my luteal phase. I'm not
19:59
going to want to go crush the gym. And it gives
20:01
you just enough of like the foundation of what's
20:03
going on to lean in and actually listen when your
20:06
body says in your luteal phase that I want to
20:09
sleep in. I think women now who have that
20:11
information are more empowered to be like, so I'm
20:13
gonna. Yes, this is the time that I do.
20:16
Meredith Oke: Even if people, even if we miss a sunrise.
20:22
Melissa Sonners: And that's all, sometimes we.
20:24
Meredith Oke: Just need to sleep.
20:26
Melissa Sonners: And that is all self inflicted. That pressure is
20:29
self inflicted, right? So like, if I sleep in,
20:33
I'm gonna miss the sunrise. And I'm now supposed
20:35
to do this whole morning routine and all these
20:38
things. Like, nobody out there is judging you.
20:42
Nobody out there cares. It's like if you're in a
20:45
huge room and everyone's dancing and we're self
20:47
conscious about what we look like, everybody else
20:50
is worried about themselves. No one is looking at
20:52
you. No one cares. You know, like, and I don't
20:55
mean that to be hurtful. I mean that to be like,
20:58
eff it, do what works for you. Because you're the
21:01
only one that you got and you're the only one
21:03
that cares. Right? Like, we owe it to ourselves
21:06
to get back tapped into that voice. And that's
21:10
part of what I love doing with women. Like, we're
21:13
constantly looking outside of us for permission
21:16
to rest, permission to pause, permission to have
21:20
boundaries. We're waiting for someone to be like,
21:22
no, no, like, take it off, I'll take care of you.
21:25
Like, you're Tired we're looking for, I feel
21:29
yucky. What can make me feel better? Let me go
21:32
buy the thing. Let me go have the appointment.
21:35
Let me go look on social media. Let me go scroll
21:38
my phone. Let me go find out who needs me. So I
21:40
get a dopamine hit and feel wanted, needed,
21:43
worthy, productive. So, like, what if we could
21:48
just learn, and this is what I work with women
21:50
on, and we'll talk about it in here. Like, I
21:52
really want any woman taking the time to listen
21:54
to this, to. To have information. But what if the
21:57
biggest thing that you did is, you know, instead
22:00
of looking to all the outside sources in those
22:02
moments you knew to came home, come home to
22:04
yourself, and just like cycle syncing does for
22:07
permission to sleep in on your luteal phase, what
22:09
if in all those moments, you could quiet all that
22:12
outside noise and simply be like, what is it that
22:15
I want? And hear that voice and answer that, and
22:21
it is that simple. That takes seconds. It's free.
22:25
It's accessible at any time. And the more you
22:28
start to do it, that whisper voice gets freaking
22:31
so loud and clear. And that's it. Like, I love
22:35
books, I love podcasts. But, like, let's stop in
22:39
the age of information, listening to everyone
22:42
else's voice and forgetting about our own,
22:44
because this is the one. Like, we have our best
22:46
teacher, our best guru, our best guide, our best
22:48
advice. It's all right here. We've just forgotten
22:51
how to go in.
22:52
Meredith Oke: Yes. And that is truly the whole point of all of
22:58
this, because I have yet to go in and check with
23:04
myself and have myself be like, you need some
23:07
blue light after dark. When we do check in with
23:11
ourselves, what we want is usually nourishing, is
23:15
usually connected to a larger rhythm that we're
23:19
uncovering our part in.
23:23
Melissa Sonners: Yeah.
23:26
Meredith Oke: That idea of making ourselves the director or
23:32
giving ourselves the ultimate authority over our
23:34
own experience, our own existence. And I know
23:40
people who perhaps aren't there yet would really
23:43
benefit from clear direction, but somewhere along
23:46
the path, we have to reach this point that you're
23:49
talking about, or we will just stay in this cycle.
23:53
Melissa Sonners: Yeah, I think the direction is really important
23:56
when you're new on your journey, and the
23:57
information is really important when you're new
23:59
on your journey. And for those people, I would
24:01
say, because there's a lot of information out
24:03
there. Right. You kind of expose yourself to a
24:06
variety of it and then lean into whatever one
24:08
feels like a. Like a yes in your body, like
24:12
whatever one you feel pulled to, called to.
24:14
That's your one. And I would focus on one, and
24:17
maybe it's one for three months, six months,
24:19
maybe it's one for the year. Because we can look
24:22
at so many things and try to incorporate them
24:24
all, and then it's too much and we're like,
24:27
scattered or stressed. And it feels like this
24:29
tool doesn't work. The tools work. I think we're
24:32
just overworking the tools. Yeah, there you go.
24:37
For the person who's familiar with this
24:40
information, who's maybe like, overwhelmed by it
24:42
or doing too much of it, this is so important as
24:47
a chiropractor, I will tell you this. And if you
24:49
don't believe, like, if you don't own it yet in
24:51
your body, you can have my belief until you do.
24:54
All these tools that we're all out here talking
24:56
about, whether it's red light instead of blue
24:59
light, or whether it's grounding in nature or
25:01
watching the sun, all that, all of these tools do
25:06
is get you back to your natural state. Yes, you
25:10
are the medicine. It's you. It's not these tools.
25:14
They are your crutch when you have forgotten. And
25:18
so the goal is. I call it alignment. The goal is
25:20
alignment. The goal is getting back to you. And
25:24
that's my lens as a chiropractor. But that is my.
25:26
Like, that is when you look at the neurology,
25:28
when you look at the science, like, that is what
25:31
they're doing. You're the magic. You always have
25:34
been. You've just gotten out of touch with it.
25:36
It's you. Yes.
25:40
Meredith Oke: Yes. I love that. And I just want to give
25:43
everyone a second to really feel that, because
25:47
it's so true. And, yeah, this information and
25:53
these tools bring us back to that place. But,
25:58
yeah, we have to connect inside. There's no one,
26:04
there's no one on Instagram who's going to tell
26:07
you what your experience is.
26:09
Melissa Sonners: Right. And we could, even if you feel it's
26:12
helpful, we can even walk through some of the
26:14
tools and like, how that applies to you, going
26:18
back to you so it's tangible. Let's do it for the
26:21
people listening. Because I think to start, a lot
26:25
of women might not even know what it feels like
26:30
to be in alignment or to be connected. Right. And
26:34
so I would start by just touching on that. Like,
26:37
when we're in that place, our nervous system
26:40
feels calm, our heart rate feels regulated. It's
26:45
like either it's a moment or that day where
26:48
you're just like, it's flow state. I have a lot
26:51
going on. I can approach it from this place. I
26:56
can handle it all. And then there's those days
26:59
where you feel like you can't. Right. So here's
27:03
an example. I had my team, A lot of my team is
27:05
based in Philippines, and this morning I woke,
27:08
and there's all these messages on my phone. We
27:11
have a podcast episode going out today. There's
27:13
just, like, miscommunication and confusion and
27:17
so, like, it could have been full on cortisol,
27:21
scattered, stressed, blah, blah, blah. And I
27:25
definitely have those moments and days, like,
27:27
even with all that, I know, like, I am
27:29
practicing, I'm not perfecting this. But today I
27:33
felt grounded. I had taken a few minutes in the
27:35
morning before even peaking to do the things that
27:38
connect me internally. And we can talk about
27:41
those. But what I mean is, like, I think every
27:45
woman has had those experiences where, like,
27:47
something little happens, like, someone cuts you
27:49
off and you're not proud of how you showed up.
27:51
Meredith Oke: Yeah.
27:52
Melissa Sonners: Even though you've got the namaste sticker on
27:54
your car, you're like, we've all been there. And
27:57
then there's the days where someone goes to cut
27:59
you off and you're, like, waving and like, bless
28:02
you. And I will tell you, it is not you had a
28:05
good coffee. It is not because you're having a
28:06
good hair day. It is not because your outfit.
28:08
It's not because you had amazing sex with your
28:11
husband that morning. It is because you are fully
28:13
connected to you. You are in alignment. And so
28:16
once we can help women understand that and we can
28:19
give them the tools and remind them how to come
28:21
back home, that's it. Like, game over. Everything
28:24
from there is easy. You're then not focused on
28:27
your to dos as your only measure of, like, how
28:31
it's going in your life. Your number one priority
28:35
becomes, how do I be as I go through my to dos?
28:39
And that changes everything.
28:41
Meredith Oke: Yes.
28:43
Melissa Sonners: It's.
28:43
Meredith Oke: So you're reminding me. Yeah. Like, I don't know,
28:47
years ago. I won't say numbers, but years ago,
28:50
when I was going through my own early stage of
28:54
healing process and, you know, learning to
28:57
meditate and learning to pray and learning all of
28:59
these things, and I could not. I couldn't do it.
29:04
I just couldn't find that, you know, what you're.
29:07
What you're describing here. It was not available
29:09
to me at that time. And I came across this
29:14
meditation. And I wish I could remember who it
29:17
was, because God bless him. And it was. It was
29:20
this. It was like, for five minutes, just pretend
29:24
everything's okay, and I'll say, oh, oh, You.
29:30
Melissa Sonners: I want to. I was listening to you on your.
29:32
Meredith Oke: Podcast and you were talking about, like, we
29:35
can't be in a state that we don't. That we don't
29:38
know. That is not. That is totally unfamiliar to
29:40
us.
29:41
Melissa Sonners: Yeah.
29:41
Meredith Oke: And what that. The gift of that very simple
29:44
instruction gave me was that I was like, oh, I
29:46
actually don't know what it's like for everything
29:48
to be okay. I think that is a totally unfamiliar
29:52
state.
29:54
Melissa Sonners: And I think that start out by pretending and then.
29:56
Meredith Oke: Yeah.
29:57
Melissa Sonners: Yeah. It's so beautiful. I'm so glad you said
29:59
that, because I would imagine if we pulled the
30:01
women out there, I mean, I wouldn't be surprised
30:03
if 85%, 90% of women, we would have completely
30:06
lost on this concept if we didn't first talk
30:08
about, like, there needs to be that bridge or
30:11
that portal from. Here's how I'm used to feeling.
30:14
Here's my body and nervous system feel like. And
30:16
now you're telling me to, like, sit and connect
30:19
inside. Like, what the hell does that mean? Like,
30:21
I don't even know. So what is the bridge in the
30:24
portal to get you there? And that's where the
30:27
tools are really powerful. That's where, you
30:30
know, a book is really powerful. We can talk
30:32
about that. That was my first anchor tool. But
30:35
just some simple science, because this is really
30:38
important. There's a part of your brain called
30:41
your amygdala. And the amygdala is like the
30:43
security guard of our life. And so the amygdalas,
30:47
the. The security guard is basically constantly
30:51
monitoring for any threat of our survival. What's
30:54
really interesting is that it doesn't only, you
30:59
know, check off dangerous situations we could be
31:02
in. Like, obviously, we're not going to walk
31:03
across the street because a car is coming. Those
31:05
are the obvious ones. But what's really important
31:07
to understand is anything unfamiliar, your
31:09
amygdala will flag as dangerous. So if there's a
31:12
woman who's been living in stress and cortisol
31:15
and she goes to just skip that bridge or portal
31:18
and just sit with herself, her amygdala is going
31:21
to flag that as danger because it's unfamiliar.
31:24
And the way it's going to show up is she's going
31:25
to think of every reason to distract herself out
31:28
of that situation and find the familiar. And so
31:32
she will go to her to do list. She will go to the
31:35
horrible thing going on in her family. She will
31:38
go to the stressful email that she wrote that
31:40
she's trying to work so hard to get away from
31:43
it's not because she's failing. It's because her
31:45
amygdala is doing its job. And so a really
31:48
important way that we create that bridge and
31:51
portal is by practicing. We're not going for
31:54
perfection. This is practice again. Everything
31:57
that I know and teach, like, there are days when
31:59
I mess it up, but I'm aware of what's going on,
32:02
right? And so we practice making calm, familiar.
32:09
And that takes time. But because I geeked out on
32:12
the brain, I've, like, learned how to hack the
32:14
system, harmonize I like better. And, like, how
32:18
in two minutes can we do this? And are there
32:22
times throughout the day where our brain is in a
32:24
more programmable state? There are. It's morning
32:26
and evening. So when you do these things in the
32:29
morning or evening, and if you stay in theta, a
32:32
very programmable brain state, which we skip over
32:36
theta, the second we look at our phone or white
32:38
light, you get double effect for half your time.
32:42
And so this is where, like, these morning and
32:45
evening practices. And this is where, you know,
32:48
the light, the red light becomes super important
32:52
so that you can just hover in theta. You wake up
32:55
already in it. You don't have to do anything.
32:56
You're in it. Surround yourself in some red
32:59
light. Like, there are such easy ways to do this.
33:02
Like, a red light bulb on Amazon costs $8. Put
33:06
one in a lamp, light a candle. Like, you don't
33:09
need anything. I have. Hold on. It's right here.
33:13
I have this little light I got on Amazon. It's an
33:16
amber. It goes on my book so I can read in the
33:18
morning. But, like, I use it as a flashlight.
33:22
This is too. This is two minutes, guys. I mean,
33:25
you're walking to. Like, I sit on that part of
33:27
the couch, or there's like, a mat right below me
33:29
here. You just walk to. I call it a sit spot. You
33:32
stay in theta. You keep your light dim. You
33:35
journal. You look at a candle. Journaling was so
33:38
overwhelming to me. Like, it's so much better. So
33:41
I walk women through that process, too. You read
33:44
a book. A book is such a great anchor tool for
33:46
reconnection because, you know, it kind of gives
33:49
you that escape that I think many women are maybe
33:52
subconsciously craving if they wake up and go on
33:54
their phone or emails or the news or whatever.
33:58
But when you read a book, you're actually going
34:01
inward if you read the right books. Like, yeah, I
34:04
have this online book club for women, and we only
34:07
read transformational nonfiction. Because what
34:09
that does is if you put that book in your hand,
34:12
you're going to walk away a little bit better,
34:15
right? In a little bit better place than if you
34:19
woke and you were like, oh, my God, how am I
34:21
going to do it all today? Oh, my God. That thing
34:23
yesterday went horribly like. It just is a great
34:27
bridge and portal to get you to the other place.
34:29
And if that's all you do when you go into your
34:31
day, it will be a better day. And one last thing
34:34
about the books, because I love the neurology. I
34:37
don't know why my camera keeps going in and out.
34:39
I know, I know. Okay.
34:42
Meredith Oke: Most of our downloads are audio, so.
34:43
Melissa Sonners: Yeah. So when you read a book, this is really
34:48
cool. When your eyes move across the page slowly
34:51
from left to right and then zoom in on this. It's
34:56
really important, like, AI. And then you go
35:00
quickly from right to left. So literally, the way
35:03
that your eyes move when you're reading a book,
35:05
it activates part of your brain. It's called the
35:07
corpus callosum. It balances your right and left
35:10
hemispheres. Our left hemisphere has certain jobs
35:14
and our right has certain jobs, and when they're
35:16
in balance, we feel better. And so even if you
35:19
read, like, a magazine or even if you read, you
35:22
know, anything in that way, in that manner, you
35:25
are balancing your brain and you're going to calm
35:27
your nervous system. So these are the bridges and
35:30
portals that can take us from feeling scattered,
35:33
chaotic, stressed, and that being familiar, to
35:36
allowing our amygdala, the security guard, to be
35:39
like, ooh, I do recognize calm, contentment, and
35:43
this space is safe. Because the last thing on
35:46
that I want to say is, you know, a lot of us,
35:49
when we're running in that stress loop, we'll
35:52
say, we don't have time. I don't have time for
35:54
myself. I don't have time to catch my breath. I
35:56
don't have time to blah, blah, blah. We often
36:00
will start to find these many pockets of time.
36:02
One minute, two minutes, whatever. But you think
36:05
about if you were, like, doing the things I would
36:08
love for everyone to do in those moments,
36:10
Daydream, play a fun song, like, anything, but
36:15
catch up on your TO dos. If we were to do that
36:18
without establishing that bridge and portal and
36:21
teaching our amygdala, these moments are safe.
36:23
Like, we can't access calm in those micro
36:27
moments. We pull ourselves into the familiar. We
36:30
pull ourselves into the to dos. And so I'm a huge
36:34
fan of what I call microdosing connection. It's,
36:37
you know, you think about if you took someone and
36:39
you're like, okay, this person will either work
36:41
out one hour, once a week, translate that to self
36:45
care. This busy woman will either do, you know,
36:48
maybe once a month, an hour massage, or we take
36:51
that person who's working out and we're like,
36:53
they're going to move their body for 15 to 20
36:55
minutes every single day and they're gonna do
36:58
micro doses of workouts. We take that woman
37:02
instead of the one hour massage, she microdoses
37:05
connection in two minutes twice a day. Like, that
37:09
woman will do so much better off than the woman
37:11
who escaped even to the spa for like a weekend
37:13
and a month. That's how we do it.
37:16
Meredith Oke: This is so interesting. That is, I think, the
37:19
best explanation I've heard of why people freak
37:21
out when they try to meditate. Like the. The
37:25
state that we are trying to enter is literally
37:29
triggering fear because it's so unfamiliar that
37:34
that makes perfect sense. So there's so many
37:36
people who feel, you know, like I was describing
37:39
myself back in the day, like, which it's just
37:41
like that state is just not available. So these
37:45
tools that you're giving are so important because
37:47
it's giving us the baby steps.
37:52
Melissa Sonners: And I think it's to get there. Yeah. The ba. Yes.
37:55
So I always want women to have what I call
37:56
anchoring tools. Those tools are the bridge. And
37:59
then it's being armed with the information, you
38:02
know, circling back. Just like cycle syncing. I
38:06
now know there's not something wrong with me
38:08
because of how I'm feeling in this phase of my
38:10
cycle. Right. That empowering information of
38:13
cycle syncing does that. Well now I hope any
38:15
woman listening to this who has tried to journal
38:17
and hasn't done it right in her mind or has tried
38:20
to meditate and feels like a failure or has tried
38:23
any other thing, breath, work, whatever, you name
38:25
it, it's not you failing, it's your body. It's
38:29
miraculous. It's doing exactly what it's supposed
38:32
to do, like pat on the back. Thank you, brain and
38:35
nervous system, you are very healthy and
38:37
efficient. And now we're going to work together
38:40
and I'm going to retrain you. I'm going to
38:42
program my hard wiring for a new way. We're going
38:46
to carve a new path, not only in my life or not
38:48
only in the choices that I'm taking, but in doing
38:51
so, we're literally creating new neural synapses
38:53
and connections. We're retraining our brain and
38:56
nervous system because whatever we're looking
38:58
for, we will start to find. This is why, like
39:01
gratitude, practice is so Effective, because if
39:05
you're looking for what you're grateful for,
39:07
you're more likely to see it and appreciate it.
39:10
Right. And so as we're retraining our nervous
39:13
system to start to understand calm and familiar,
39:16
and all you gotta do to do that is anchor two
39:19
minutes, even once a day. I probably likely get
39:23
it in once a day. But ideally, you know, morning
39:25
and evening are anchored in this regulation.
39:27
That's all you gotta do, like you're training it.
39:30
And so what's going to happen is, throughout your
39:32
day, when real life happens, you will start to
39:35
see the opportunities to slip back into yourself
39:38
when you need them the most. You're doing the
39:41
work without even realizing you're doing it.
39:43
Meredith Oke: Yes, yes. And that's totally true because you're
39:47
actually sort of, you know, giving words to my
39:50
experience. And so I started doing the morning
39:56
practice that you're talking about because I
39:59
learned about circadian rhythm and early morning
40:01
light. So the first thing I do in the morning is.
40:05
Is to go outside or to gaze out an open window.
40:09
But because I had an anchoring practice, it was
40:13
like, then what followed has followed over time
40:16
is that has become like a very sacred, quiet time
40:20
for me. And on the mornings, you know, where.
40:23
Where I'm rushed or there's a special early thing
40:26
or whatever the things, and it's like, yeah,
40:29
like, I. I go outside, but it's. I'm like, oh,
40:32
I'm already planning my day or whatever. It's not
40:34
the same. Yeah, like, the light hitting my
40:36
eyeballs is the same, but that interconnection
40:40
that you're describing is not the same. And then
40:43
it does affect. It does affect the day. And I
40:47
have also noticed, having done this now for a few
40:50
years, that throughout the day, those moments of
40:54
connections become more spontaneous. And it's
40:57
like, okay, I'm going to do this, and then I'm
40:58
going to go to. And it's like, in between, it's
41:00
like just gonna hit the pause button. Like, yeah.
41:03
30 seconds, 2 minutes, 5 minutes. It's
41:07
transformational. It really is. I mean, these are
41:10
really, really good tools.
41:12
Melissa Sonners: And isn't it so beautiful that, you know, you
41:15
recognize, like, life is gonna happen? There are
41:18
days where we're either not gonna be able to do
41:19
it or we're not gonna do it right. And again,
41:21
it's why I love practice. Like, I love using the
41:24
word practicing. This is a practice. Practice
41:27
gives us permission to not do it perfectly. It
41:29
gives us empathy and compassion towards ourselves
41:32
as we're learning. And then also, you Know, in
41:34
those days where life does happen and we don't do
41:37
it right, it's not even that we're not doing it
41:39
right. We're humans. It's like, thank you for
41:43
that reminder that this is not any longer how I
41:47
like my life to go. This is how my life used to
41:49
feel, and now I know the power of these tools.
41:52
And so this is a reminder of how important this
41:54
is. But also understanding, you know, like the
41:56
8020 rule, if you can even get it 80% of the
41:59
time, like, that's huge. And then one last thing
42:04
that you just touched on that's really important
42:05
is, you know, just focus on one step. So it's one
42:11
step. Like, we can see these people in the age of
42:13
social media and YouTube, like, doing these
42:15
immaculate morning routines where they're like,
42:18
gratitude and journaling and gargling all the
42:21
things and like, oh, my God. Oh, my God, I can't.
42:26
I can't handle it. And we're looking at their 15
42:29
step routine. Like, it's just that one. Just do
42:34
the one step. Do the one thing. Because what
42:37
Meredith just said is, like, over time, then you
42:40
add on the next steps that work for you, but,
42:43
like, just do the one. I think we put so much
42:46
power in the big picture, and we lose the power
42:47
in one thing to move the needle. Think about if
42:51
all you changed was that you woke up and instead
42:55
of grabbing your phone, you went to your sit spot
42:58
and you spent two minutes without bathing
43:01
yourself in blue light, taking whatever action
43:04
stuff felt good, whatever action step felt best
43:07
for you, which might be drinking your coffee or
43:10
tea in peace. It might be writing in your journal
43:13
that you have no idea why you're journaling and
43:15
what this is supposed to do. And so I'm going to
43:17
list out the 10 things that I need to do today or
43:20
the five people that pissed me off yesterday.
43:23
Like, great, you did it. That's journaling. What
43:25
if you just did that one thing? And what if you
43:28
just did it once a day in the morning? And what
43:31
if you did it four days out of seven? Like, where
43:33
would your life be in two months from now or
43:36
three months from now? You would be in a very
43:37
different place. I could promise you. It's the
43:40
one. It's the one step.
43:41
Meredith Oke: Yes.
43:43
Melissa Sonners: And it's the one step that's the most powerful.
43:46
And I think the reason that the one step feels so
43:48
hard to take is because we're looking at the
43:50
marathon. We're looking at the 15 step morning
43:53
that someone else is sharing on Instagram and if
43:55
we can stop doing that, the one step becomes way
43:58
more attainable and easy, especially if we're
44:00
doing it in community, either with our friends,
44:02
our loved ones, an online community where other
44:05
women are going through this together because
44:07
we're holding someone's hand. And, you know, in
44:09
those moments where you wake up and you're like,
44:11
I don't want to do it, whatever. Like, that's why
44:13
someone hires a personal trainer, because it's
44:15
accountability. Yeah. I might let myself down
44:17
right now, but I'm not going to let my friend
44:19
Melanie down. I told her we were doing this
44:21
together. And you're worth it. Like, it's so easy
44:25
and it works so well and it's so attainable and
44:27
you're worth it.
44:29
Meredith Oke: Yes. Yes, you are. And, yeah, I mean, it's like,
44:34
whatever you can do today, just good for you.
44:39
Yeah. And, you know, I do. I do find, like,
44:42
having sort of immersed myself, really not on
44:46
purpose. I don't even know how this happened. But
44:48
in this, like, health and wellness space, there's
44:52
so much healing that happens. But there's also
44:56
this idea, like someone, you know, especially
44:58
with social media and the content, constantly
45:01
needing new things to talk about, that it's
45:04
always like, oh, well, like this new thing has
45:06
popped up. Or when I'm not, okay, I'm doing this,
45:09
but I'm not doing that. And it's like, I. I love
45:13
your message of. Of finding your one thing,
45:18
finding the basics for you, and then following
45:20
your inner. Your inner voice and your body's
45:24
signals and letting your body be the guide.
45:29
Melissa Sonners: Yeah. Because you think about that, you know,
45:30
whether it's in our. In our community, as one of
45:34
these people surrounded by this information, it's
45:37
overwhelming to us. Yeah, right. It's. It's
45:40
extremely overwhelming. And we're all trying to
45:42
do the best that we can. And for someone else,
45:44
this might show up. You know, for like, a new
45:46
mom, this might be like, am I sleep training? Am
45:49
I breastfeeding? Am I. There's a thousand new
45:52
parenting books to read, or someone wanting to
45:55
clean out their diet. Am I doing keto or Paleo?
45:58
Or, like, we are so inundated with information,
46:01
and when we can get back to us, like, all those
46:05
things, they're all there. And I think we still
46:07
make decisions and choices, but we are less
46:09
focused on the external and more on us. So this
46:13
could look like feeling ourselves get pulled into
46:16
it. I think we still do that. We can catch it
46:19
happening. Oh, my God. This person is now cold,
46:23
plunging, and weight training. And God only knows
46:26
what. Or it's cold plunge after the weights.
46:28
Well, let me see. Like, what feels right to me.
46:32
Yeah, cold plunge feels awesome today. Cold
46:34
plunge does not feel good today. Like, that
46:36
becomes your guide. So no matter what, new tech
46:39
toy, advice, movement, whatever comes out, like,
46:43
it doesn't matter. It's information. You can be
46:45
informed, but your life isn't dictated by all the
46:50
external noise. You can just always come back to
46:52
you and check with what you want in this moment,
46:55
what you need right now.
46:57
Meredith Oke: Yes. And that. And that is always available to
47:00
us. And we don't have to have read all of the
47:03
research or all of the books or taken all of the
47:06
programs. We just need to have, like, some
47:10
fundamental understandings, some fundamental
47:12
information, and then learned that we can. Our
47:18
bodies know.
47:20
Melissa Sonners: Our bodies know. This is especially for women
47:22
listening. We're hardwired. Like, we are very
47:26
intuitive. And here's like, a good concrete
47:28
example of that. Whether you're a mother or
47:30
you're not, we literally have to read our baby's
47:34
minds the first year of their life. Like, they
47:38
can't communicate, and we're supposed to keep
47:41
them alive. And so we have parts of our brain
47:45
that help us do that. Like, we are so highly
47:48
intuitive. And for so long in the eons of life as
47:54
women, they were very connected with that. They
47:56
were very connected with their rhythms, with
47:58
their cycle with nature, with their inner voice
48:02
and guide. And like, we. I, in my strong opinion,
48:06
we are the cycle breakers of, like, the change in
48:10
women focusing on the external to getting back to
48:14
that place. Because it's so overdue, it's so
48:16
timely. I think everything has just gotten, like,
48:20
so fast and so much and so overwhelming. And I
48:23
think it's our role as women to, like, put the
48:26
hand back and protect our daughters or the next
48:30
generation of girls. Because I don't want this
48:32
for them. I think it's. If it's gonna keep going,
48:35
I fear for mental status of all the little girls
48:40
out there and the boys too. And so I really, you
48:43
know, and it's part of my why and my calling.
48:46
Like, I'm here to break that and create a
48:48
movement. And for us to do it this way, that is
48:51
so much more fun.
48:53
Meredith Oke: It is so much more fun. And you do just as much
48:59
like you.
49:00
Melissa Sonners: You get it all done.
49:01
Meredith Oke: It's not like you're like, oh, I'm gonna have to
49:03
give up on that project or give up on that dream
49:06
and all the things.
49:08
Melissa Sonners: If anyone's, like, listening to this and making
49:10
up stories in their head of, like, why I can do
49:12
this and they can't. Let me just tell you. I've
49:14
got three kids. I'm highly involved in their
49:16
school. I'm helping my husband run two of his
49:19
businesses. I just wrote a book with Hay House.
49:22
I'm running an online platform. I have a podcast.
49:25
And I'm not saying this to be like, look at me,
49:27
I'm cool. I'm saying this to highlight. Like, I
49:30
still get it all done. I work out almost every
49:33
day. I don't work out. I move my body. I do
49:35
gymnastics and acro because it's fun. I play, I
49:38
ride my bike. I meet up with my girlfriends.
49:40
Like, it's. You can do it all. But doing it all
49:44
and having it all, to me is about being it all
49:47
first. It's. Nothing changes except how you show
49:50
up as you're getting it all done. These things
49:53
take seconds, moments. I do them in front of my
49:56
kids because I want them to learn. I play a lot
50:00
because that's my reset. I'm a seven on the
50:03
Enneagram. I don't know if people know Enneagram,
50:05
but, like, for me, like, play is what brings me
50:09
back. So sometimes that's. A lot of times that's
50:12
listening to fun songs in the car with my kids
50:14
because that's what I have access to, right?
50:16
Like, how can I make this moment better? We just
50:20
had a crazy morning, and I feel spun out, and now
50:22
I'm in the car with my three beautiful children,
50:25
and I want to reset. I can't go get a massage,
50:28
but I can, like, blast Aerosmith, and we can sing
50:30
and laugh and have fun. Like, that's it. It's not
50:35
hard to fit in.
50:37
Meredith Oke: No. And that is it. That is it. Like, that's kind
50:40
of. I don't know if there's a secret to life.
50:42
That's probably it, right? It's like, what's
50:43
available to me in this moment to bring joy to
50:46
everybody involved, including myself. And it
50:49
doesn't have to be perfect or special cosmic
50:54
thing. It's just totally.
50:58
Melissa Sonners: I had always heard, like, I don't know if this
51:01
was just in conferences I was in or if this is
51:03
common knowledge, but, like, if you watch a child
51:05
around the age of four to six, you will see their
51:08
calling. Like, you will see them. Whatever play
51:12
they're super attracted to is, like, part of what
51:14
they're here to do, right? So, like, when I look
51:17
at my kids, my first one was always, you know,
51:19
building in the Legos. He's got, like, Very much
51:21
of an engineer mind now at 14, my second one, I
51:25
was trying to keep from, from climbing the roof
51:26
when he was 2. Like, he is like, wanting to be a
51:29
future X gamer. My daughter, who's 8, was always
51:32
singing and like, she loves watching America's
51:35
Got Talent and like, wants to sing. Right. And so
51:38
I think, you know, they talk a lot about like,
51:40
play shows us what we're designed to do or be. I
51:44
will say play is the portal to our calling. So
51:48
when I look back to like what I was doing when I
51:50
was little, I was riding my bike and I was doing
51:52
gymnastics. And in getting back to that, as a 43
51:56
year old woman, like, I went back to gymnastics.
51:59
Meredith Oke: I love it.
52:01
Melissa Sonners: I competed in my son's kid only competition. I've
52:06
hit the age of my life where I'm like, this is
52:07
too much fun and I see what's on the other side.
52:10
Oh my God. But play is the portal. Like in doing
52:14
those things, even for little moments throughout
52:16
the day or the week, like, I am beaming with
52:19
light and creativity and like, stuff is just
52:22
coming to me and through me. I just wrote this
52:25
book with Hay House. It's. I am so excited to
52:28
birth it.
52:29
Meredith Oke: Yeah, tell us about it.
52:30
Melissa Sonners: Yeah, And I wrote it in like three months. Like
52:33
it came through me. And so I say all that to say
52:37
when we get back to Play, our life figures itself
52:40
out in this beautiful way because again, we're
52:44
getting back to us and we are here as human
52:47
beings. And when we can get back to our
52:49
beingness, not only will all the do's get taken
52:51
care of, but you have no idea like, what you're
52:55
capable of not in doing, but like the light that
52:59
you have and the connections that you can create
53:01
when you get back to you. So the book that I
53:04
wrote with Hay House, it comes out early 2026.
53:08
It's called the Connection code. And it's
53:11
literally all about all the things that we're
53:13
talking about. So it's like simple ways to get
53:16
back to yourself. I share a lot of enough of the
53:19
science so that people understand it. I share
53:21
some reflective exercises and prompts in each
53:24
chapter because I want women to literally be able
53:26
to implement it right away. And some other fun
53:29
stuff in there that's saved for when it comes out.
53:32
Meredith Oke: I love it. And yeah, I mean, this audience is
53:36
like very in tune with the idea of the quantum
53:39
field and quantum coherence. And what you're
53:42
describing is creating coherence and creating a
53:47
field that attracts opportunity. And it's Open to
53:51
possibility and. And to life unfolding in a way
53:56
that cannot when we're super contracted. Even if
53:59
we're contracted around really important things
54:02
like quantum biology and the science of healing.
54:08
Melissa Sonners: Right.
54:08
Meredith Oke: If we're in that state of contraction, the
54:10
subject matter doesn't. The subject matter
54:13
doesn't matter. It's how we. How we are showing
54:18
up that matters.
54:19
Melissa Sonners: A hundred percent. Yeah. I love that they're so
54:22
in tune with that because it's such a beautiful.
54:24
I mean, quantum is amazing and quantum is real.
54:27
You know, I went to a Joe Dispenza event a while
54:30
ago. I imagine you guys are familiar.
54:32
Meredith Oke: Yeah, I'm sure everyone.
54:34
Melissa Sonners: Yeah. And that was him. God, I mean, he's a
54:37
chiropractor too, right? So I've got like extra
54:39
love for him. I felt like after day one, I walked
54:43
out and I'm like, it's real. Everything I have
54:47
felt my entire life has just been confirmed by
54:50
someone taking the quantum and showing me the
54:53
science behind it. And that's. That's how my
54:56
brain works. Right. And so, you know, for the
54:59
listeners that are very well versed in that
55:01
topic, like, this stuff is as true as that. Like,
55:04
I'm talking about inward connection and inward
55:06
voice, and the science behind it is all very
55:08
powerful. It's all very real. We have just lost
55:11
touch with it. But it's there. And I'll teach it
55:14
to you. I'll give it to you. Like, this is for
55:16
everybody. We all have it. We all have it. And
55:20
you know, just having the tools and awareness.
55:22
Awareness to get back. Because I think, you know,
55:25
as long as we're living this practice, we're in a
55:27
very human experience. And so we will constantly
55:30
be getting pulled out. But what's really powerful
55:34
is, you know, when you can pause enough and
55:37
become aware. We all know that in so many
55:39
aspects. And you can realize what's happening.
55:43
And in that process, you can make a choice,
55:45
right? This day. This day is unfolding in a crazy
55:49
way. I didn't get to stare at the sun or, you
55:52
know, whatever it was this morning. And it's
55:53
super high speed. Zoom out. Okay. What choices am
55:57
I making or not making that could change this?
56:01
And that's where we have the power. We have the
56:03
power and the awareness, the pause and creating
56:06
new choices for ourselves as much as what's
56:08
available in front of us. And I think that's
56:10
where, like, being well versed in tools that are
56:12
actually realistic in our lives is so powerfully
56:15
important.
56:17
Meredith Oke: Yes. Yeah. And, yeah, accessing ourselves and the
56:23
Relaxed, fun moments are, you know, just as
56:27
important as understanding all the other things.
56:31
Melissa, thank you so much for being here and
56:34
spending time. This was a really powerful message
56:38
and I'm really, really glad that we were able to
56:41
have this conversation and share this because I,
56:43
I love you all so much, but you get really,
56:47
really focused on the details. So I'm really glad
56:51
Melissa is here to kind of like lighten things up
56:53
a little bit.
56:54
Melissa Sonners: Good. Well, thank you so much for having me. This
56:56
is my favorite thing to talk about. So, you know,
56:59
I've got tons of resources for any women that are
57:01
interested in learning more. I'm sure you'll.
57:02
Meredith Oke: So yes, share us your website. You are going to
57:05
be, Melissa is going to be speaking at Carrie
57:08
Bennett's and Oksana's Hanson's retreat, Return
57:12
to Nature, which is at the end of June 2025.
57:15
Depending when you're listening to this go. If
57:19
you're on our email list, you've got links and
57:21
then you. So you'll be there. And then your
57:24
website is.
57:25
Melissa Sonners: Yes, I'll be there. I'm so excited for that
57:28
event. And My website is Dr. DrMelisSasoners.com
57:34
and from there they'll find I've got an active
57:36
YouTube channel and Instagram. I have an online
57:40
book club for women. That's like my favorite
57:42
project that I'm doing right now. It's not
57:44
project, it's a community and we're incorporating
57:47
all these things. You know, we use a book as like
57:49
our anchor tool for the month and we're reading
57:51
them together this month. We're reading Fast like
57:54
a Girl and Eat like a Girl. This is May.
57:55
Depending on when this goes out, we've got some
57:58
other ones lined up for the rest of the summer.
58:00
And then we chat, we get on a community call and
58:02
we talk about all things. The conversation
58:04
typically takes on a light life of itself. And
58:08
then lastly, I do like 30 day journeys and
58:10
experiences with as women. With these women,
58:13
everything that we do in those 30 days are two
58:15
minute tools and they're all with the intention
58:18
of retraining your amygdala. And so I literally
58:20
walk you through like here's day one, your action
58:23
item because I think a lot of women need, you
58:25
know, like, tell me what to do. Like tell me what
58:28
to do when I wake up and go sit so I don't do
58:30
this other thing. And so these journeys are all
58:33
walking through that. The one I have coming up in
58:35
the fall will probably be a self with journey
58:40
where instead of this Time isn't selfish. It's
58:42
self with. And I'm going to teach you how to get
58:44
back to being with yourself. And so it'll
58:46
probably be around like nurturing and
58:48
nourishment, which I think is just great for the.
58:50
For the fall. So all that will be coming out in
58:52
my emails if they want to just join. You know, my
58:55
newsletter email list on.
58:56
Meredith Oke: My website sounds fantastic. So, yes, I know a
59:01
lot of you will have resonated with this, so
59:03
please go and sign up for from Melissa's
59:06
newsletter and let the play begin.
59:11
Melissa Sonners: Let the play begin. And then just in case they
59:13
see it, my Instagram handle and my podcast are
59:15
called Be Inspired Mama, just so they know that
59:19
those are the same. Same platforms, both me. I
59:22
just, I just wanted a playful term.
59:24
Meredith Oke: Sounds good. And we'll put those. We'll put those
59:26
links in the show notes, but just to have it in
59:29
your head, Be Inspired Mama on YouTube.
59:31
Melissa Sonners: Okay, so. So what, Meredith, as we wrap, like,
59:34
what are you gonna do today for connection with
59:37
yourself? Like, how are you gonna weave it in?
59:39
Meredith Oke: Oh, you know, I think I'm going to take a little
59:44
pause. I have couple more. A little more zoom
59:48
time, and then I'm gonna go sit outside and just
59:50
stare at the trees.
59:52
Melissa Sonners: Daydreaming and daydream.
59:54
Meredith Oke: Yeah.
59:55
Melissa Sonners: So staring like that puts you in theta, which is
59:58
an amazing brain break when we're running in beta
1:00:01
all day. That most effective things you can do
1:00:03
for your brain. And if you've ever heard. I know
1:00:06
we're wrapping here, but one last thing, if
1:00:08
you've ever heard someone say, I get my best
1:00:09
ideas in the shower. Yes, that's theta. And so
1:00:13
you think about how we just don't daydream
1:00:15
anymore.
1:00:16
Meredith Oke: Right.
1:00:16
Melissa Sonners: Like if we have a moment, we're looking at our
1:00:18
phone, which we, a lot of us go to the phone as a
1:00:22
brain break, but it's overstimulating to our
1:00:25
nervous system. It keeps us in beta. And that's
1:00:27
why we don't actually ever feel. Feel like
1:00:30
replenished or regenerated the way that you feel
1:00:32
after you stare at a tree. You're literally going
1:00:35
into a regenerative brainwave when you do that.
1:00:38
And so one of the most effective things you can
1:00:41
do is to daydream is to stare out the car window,
1:00:45
is to look at the tree, is to sit in the
1:00:48
reception room of an office and not grab your
1:00:50
phone. But either people watch or grab a
1:00:53
magazine, it is. It will pay you back tenfold at
1:00:56
the end of your day. And that will mean at the
1:00:58
end of the day that you got everything done, but
1:01:01
you feel somehow, like, chilled, relaxed and
1:01:05
satisfied. That's how we do it. So I'm so glad
1:01:07
you're gonna go stare at your tree.
1:01:09
Meredith Oke: Yeah. Oh, and I love that, that daydreaming
1:01:12
aspect. Yeah, it's true. I came out of the sauna
1:01:15
to my husband. I'm like, I had thought. He's
1:01:18
like, okay, whatever I say, he's like, when is it
1:01:21
now?
1:01:22
Melissa Sonners: Those hits events.
1:01:23
Meredith Oke: I told him, he's like, oh, you should go with the
1:01:25
son of Morava. That's a really good idea. Yeah.
1:01:28
And also, yeah, it reminded me, like, I have to
1:01:31
read at least one paragraph or I can't sleep,
1:01:34
even if I'm exhausted. It's like there's. And now
1:01:37
you've explained, like, what's going on with my
1:01:39
brain, why that is like.
1:01:41
Melissa Sonners: Yeah. And then for women who may be. Yeah.
1:01:44
Meredith Oke: Not a screen.
1:01:46
Melissa Sonners: Yes. Not a screen. And for women who, like, maybe
1:01:49
their brain is too fast moving for the book thing
1:01:51
yet. This is where some of those crutch tools are
1:01:54
really powerful. Like, that's where, you know,
1:01:56
biurnal beats. Like, if you can't even drop down
1:01:59
to be able to read the page without your head,
1:02:01
like, thinking of everything else, something like
1:02:04
barn obeats will start to get you to that place.
1:02:07
So I would do those at night until you start to
1:02:10
regulate and then replace it with the book.
1:02:13
Meredith Oke: Perfect.
1:02:14
Melissa Sonners: So there's. It's almost like there's like phase
1:02:15
one, phase two, phase three. If you can go right
1:02:17
to the book, that's great. But for my women who
1:02:21
need, like, that little portal bridge crutch by
1:02:24
your Nobel, it's a great brain tap, is a great
1:02:26
system for that. I know there's a lot of things
1:02:27
out there.
1:02:29
Meredith Oke: Yeah. Because we're. Yeah. We're just so amped.
1:02:33
Melissa Sonners: Well, it's an. We're living in a very. We're
1:02:36
living in a very amped world. And so we're
1:02:38
reacting to our environment. Again, it's because
1:02:41
we're. We're great, not because we're failing.
1:02:44
But then how can we recreate the environment in a
1:02:46
way that works for us? And that's. We do that on
1:02:49
the inside, so no matter what changes on the
1:02:51
outside, like, we've got this and we've got
1:02:53
control of this, and we know. We know now how to
1:02:55
work. Rather than working against this, we're
1:02:57
working with it. We're in alignment.
1:03:00
Meredith Oke: So good.
1:03:01
Melissa Sonners: Thank you, Melissa. You're welcome. I've thought
1:03:04
about this all day.
1:03:05
Meredith Oke: All day.
1:03:06
Melissa Sonners: Yeah.
1:03:06
Meredith Oke: We'll have to do it again sometime.
1:03:08
Melissa Sonners: Yes. I'm going to go ride my bike and then hit my
1:03:10
next meetings. Thank you so much for having me.
1:03:12
And thank you, listeners, for taking the time for
1:03:14
yourself to digest this information. Information,
1:03:16
it's truly life changing. So I would love to hear
1:03:19
at any point, if you want to send me a message,
1:03:21
like what one thing are you going to do or any of
1:03:23
your questions or anything, I would love, love to
1:03:25
hear from you.
1:03:26
Meredith Oke: Yes.
1:03:27
Melissa Sonners: Follow up. Love.
1:03:28
Meredith Oke: And listen out.
1:03:29
Melissa Sonners: Okay. Thanks, Erin.
1:03:30
Meredith Oke: Thanks, everyone.
1:03:31
Melissa Sonners: Have a great day.