Latest / Privycast / Ep. 189 Let Your Light Shine w/ Bluto the Blue Ball Reindeer (Privychat 48)

Transcript

Ep. 189 Let Your Light Shine w/ Bluto the Blue Ball Reindeer (Privychat 48) · Privycast

• 0:03
  When you're just out and about, like, on the reindeer town, do you have to wear some sort of, like, pants or something to cover up the glow while you're out in public, or is it,
• 0:17
  Yeah, they recommend that they finally got me a thermal underarm reindeer so my tail can actually stick out.
• 0:24
  And the light does not shine through it.
• 0:26
  It's tight, but it's not uncomfortable.
• 0:31
  Welcome back to privy.
• 0:33
  privy is a podcast about bathrooms recorded from my home bathroom.
• 0:41
  I'm your host Hunter Hoover and I love bathrooms.
• 0:44
  Welcome back everyone.
• 0:46
  Thank you for being here and happy privy Christmas.
• 0:49
  We've made it.
• 0:50
  If you're listening to this episode on day of release, it's Christmas morning.
• 0:54
  Hopefully you've yanked open your packages.
• 0:57
  You've, you've, you know, you're bundled up in your, your pjammies.
• 1:02
  And hopefully Santa visited you because here's, this is the thing.
• 1:06
  Here's the deal.
• 1:07
  We're on kind of a long-term trip to try to get back on Santa's good side.
• 1:12
  I admit, I confessed my sins of years past and I told you all to, to ex-lack Santa four years ago.
• 1:21
  And while that was, that was a terrible, terrible mistake, I will admit that I'm trying to return from that.
• 1:28
  I'm trying to come back from it.
• 1:29
  And so.
• 1:30
  You know, this year, hopefully you left out good stuff for Santa, good things for him.
• 1:36
  And in celebration of this Christmas season, I'm going to at long last, it's been a long time coming, it's been a difficult thing for me to endeavor into.
• 1:47
  I thought recording, you'll notice those who are joining on video, I'm back in home studio, AKA the Brown Zone.
• 1:55
  But I thought if I recorded in a remote location last year that I would be safe.
• 2:00
  And I was interrupted by Dingle the elf.
• 2:04
  And you know, he shared a lot about his union and his desire to unionize the North Pole.
• 2:09
  And I haven't heard much word from Dingle.
• 2:12
  And so I assume maybe things have gotten better.
• 2:14
  That's what I'm going to tell myself.
• 2:16
  I'm not sure if our efforts here on the pod were helpful to him, but I've given up hiding.
• 2:21
  And I think...
• 2:22
  that because we've kind of tried to help the elf lot up in the North Pole, I think I'm safe and away from those who might be able to track me down here in home studio.
• 2:35
  And so I'm going to endeavor once again to bring you HUNTY HOOVIES Christmas Flavor Blast Treat List Ranked Extraordinaire.
• 2:45
  It's been a long time coming and every year, I try to launch into my top
• 2:52
  seasonal holiday treats.
• 2:55
  And so as a reminder, you know, I'm a big fan of divinity.
• 2:58
  It's tough to make, but it's just a classic.
• 3:02
  And that's gotta be pretty high on the list.
• 3:06
  Also, and this is where I'm not sure if like I need to, know, Christmas cookies are not exactly my jam all the time.
• 3:18
  And so it's one of those where it's like, they're fine.
• 3:21
  They don't make the list.
• 3:22
  But one of the things that is truly on the list and in every time I have to say it's fudge, but specifically fudge with nuts is...
• 3:35
  No!
• 3:37
  Hey!
• 3:37
  What's going on?
• 3:39
  What's up?
• 3:41
  How did you find me?
• 3:42
  I've been around, I've been here.
• 3:44
  Have you been on this?
• 3:46
  This is the first time that I've had...
• 3:48
  Are you an elf?
• 3:51
  Yes, I'm an elf, I'm Pluto the Elephant!
• 3:54
  Bluto the elf, This is, Bluto, this is the first time that my remote recording has been hijacked.
• 4:02
  Are you in the North Pole?
• 4:05
  Yeah, yeah, of course I am.
• 4:08
  I'm hanging out, you know, just had some stuff I wanted to talk and see what's going on here.
• 4:14
  I've always been interested in this, what you've got going on here, and some things I want to talk about.
• 4:20
  I I was safe, it turns out that ever since I've begun using my new, apparently the North Pole can jack right into the record.
• 4:32
  This is, I'm not sure, Bluto.
• 4:34
  Welcome.
• 4:36
  Can I ask, Bluto the elf, can I ask what makes you like pipe into the recording?
• 4:43
  I was just doing our Christmas extravaganza and, uh
• 4:49
  Yeah, you're piped in here.
• 4:51
  What made you stop by?
• 4:52
  said you're just interested.
• 4:53
  I
• 4:56
  I'm lost for words.
• 4:58
  You know, the women are having a little trouble here and I just kind of wanted to get stuff brought to the light of what's going on.
• 5:05
  know, I have some concerns and you know how it is.
• 5:09
  And I saw this, you know, with today's technology and how crazy you can do with all this technology and stuff.
• 5:17
  I figured out a way to, it wouldn't be a problem just to stop in and see if we can have a little conversation if you don't mind about some issues that have been growing up there in
• 5:27
  that old North.
• 5:28
  Holy shit, just a friendly little conversation that I need there.
• 5:32
  You know, I, Bluto, last year I talked to one of your fellow elves, Dingle, and he also had a lot of concerns, but I, yeah, what's some of the things that that I guess, you know,
• 5:45
  what's going on up there?
• 5:46
  Like, is Santa made things any better for y'all?
• 5:50
  Well, that's kind of what I wanted to speak on it.
• 5:54
  Yeah, my buddy, uh, he, I'm God and that old L for that buddy of mine.
• 5:59
  He's, he's trying to do some things, some movements up there for sure, for sure.
• 6:04
  But when you know, you got the same things going on for millennia and millennia, you know, it's hard to budge in the right direction, but you know, um,
• 6:12
  Yeah, there's a little reindeer out there.
• 6:16
  That's my biggest concern and my biggest thing I wanted to bring up.
• 6:19
  Just see if I get your point of view.
• 6:21
  You being this broadcaster that can do all this shenanigans with getting news out.
• 6:26
  I wanted to see him.
• 6:28
  You ever hear of the there's a little reindeer and, you know, and all this stuff.
• 6:34
  He's Rudolph.
• 6:37
  That's his name.
• 6:38
  heard old Rudolph, haven't you?
• 6:40
  yeah, yeah, I really like the documentary.
• 6:43
  Oh, the documentary.
• 6:45
  Yeah, yeah, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.
• 6:48
  What a joy that was to the children and the families out there for everyone thinking it's all happy-go-lucky and y'all hunky-dory.
• 6:59
  Boy, I'll tell you, yup, that's kind of the issue we're having here though is it seems like it's all this fancy and happy-go-lucky glory day, isn't it?
• 7:11
  Just a good kids movie, isn't it?
• 7:14
  Yeah, but are you not here on behalf of Rudolph?
• 7:20
  No, no, no, no, no, actually, that's what I came to talk about.
• 7:23
  There's another little reindeer that kind of got left out of the picture, so to speak, left out of the, you know, yeah, Donner, Nixon, Blitzen, all this guy, Cordelius, whatever
• 7:37
  that was.
• 7:37
  Yeah, scream.
• 7:39
  Just ate up that movie, didn't you?
• 7:41
  of my favorite parts of the documentary is when Cornelius Yukon, he just licks his pickaxe and it just gets right up on that thing.
• 7:50
  It's my favorite part.
• 7:51
  is it?
• 7:52
  Wow.
• 7:52
  Yeah.
• 7:54
  I bet.
• 7:55
  That sounds like something that would be a good joy.
• 7:58
  yeah, I learned to know it.
• 7:59
  But you know what?
• 8:00
  You know what would have been a...
• 8:02
  You know what would have been a better little scenario there besides having this cornealious look in his pickaxe?
• 8:09
  You know, he was stuck in the bathroom during most of the thing.
• 8:13
  He's an old buddy of mine.
• 8:14
  name too.
• 8:15
  His name is actually, coincidentally if you believe it or not, his name is Bluto.
• 8:20
  He's a reindeer!
• 8:21
  You ever heard of him?
• 8:23
  We haven't, Bluto...
• 8:25
  Bluto the Reindeer.
• 8:26
  Yeah, he- boy, he really got the short end and the stick on this movie because, you know, considering the fact he wasn't in it.
• 8:35
  Yeah, you're right, because I totally missed him.
• 8:38
  So, Bluto the reindeer, he's...
• 8:40
  How does he come into the picture?
• 8:45
  Oh, that poor son of a gun.
• 8:47
  you know, he's had it rough these past years, you know.
• 8:49
  He did good maintenance, you know.
• 8:51
  He's always keeping them bathrooms clean, but never getting that screen time when a show comes about.
• 8:56
  But all that rain, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, oh boy, he gets all the glory.
• 9:00
  So, well, Bluto, hello, Bluto.
• 9:03
  He kind of got pictures stolen from him a little bit.
• 9:07
  He's a reindeer.
• 9:10
  He's a that...
• 9:12
  puts his life in heart and everything he does and only to get put into the Santa's room, storage room, when these cameras start going and they start doing this documentary.
• 9:24
  You know, he has a special ability like Rudolph, except his balls, his jiggly bits, they glow blue.
• 9:32
  And I feel like he should have been the one to have a little more action time on there, you know, and do more of.
• 9:40
  what Rudolph should've done in the first place!
• 9:43
  It sounds like Bluto needed some more action.
• 9:47
  Yeah, uh, so wait, Bluto the blue-balled reindeer, is that, would that be correct to say?
• 9:54
  Blue Ball Reindeer.
• 9:56
  That was his name when he was given by his buddies, his best friend in Seoul, know, Ball Reindeer.
• 10:07
  So, okay, and so, Bluto the reindeer, you, Bluto the elf, are here on behalf of Bluto the blue-balled reindeer to argue that he should have seen more action in the documentary, or
• 10:25
  do you think, I don't know, it's kind of tough, because Rudolph kind of saved Christmas that one time.
• 10:33
  It's hard to make a case.
• 10:35
  I mean, I'm not against Bluto.
• 10:37
  But, you know, it's like, there's something about a glowing red nose leading the sleigh that's, you know, it kind of, it kind of captures the hearts and minds of the masses, you
• 10:47
  know, maybe has, has Bluto ever contributed to Santa's, Santa's sleigh adventures or?
• 10:54
  If you could imagine here for a moment when we were doing our test runs for, which would be the best outcome, which they left out of the movie, course.
• 11:05
  But, know, when I'm flying over, is a light going down yonder, down on the ground.
• 11:12
  And it's like a spotlight.
• 11:14
  So, you know, you see a house that you might miss, or if there's a chimney that, you know, is covered by a snowstorm, the blue ball can cut through that snowstorm and...
• 11:24
  Yeah, okay.
• 11:25
  Oh crap, that old Kimmy's house, huh?
• 11:27
  Good thing old Blue Balls was here.
• 11:30
  But no, no, they didn't say that is valuable.
• 11:33
  I couldn't believe it.
• 11:34
  I'm like, it.
• 11:36
  I mean, I'm saying that I couldn't believe that on behalf of my buddy, Bluto, know, my old...
• 11:44
  And just let me say, I'm an older elf and I helped old Bluto out.
• 11:48
  So that's why they named him after...
• 11:50
  because I was really close to old Pluto.
• 11:52
  I see.
• 11:52
  So they named him after me.
• 11:55
  I see I see yeah you're
• 11:59
  got a sauce spot for the old reindeer.
• 12:02
  Yeah, your friend Bluto, I get it.
• 12:05
  It's really, you know, as I imagine it, Bluto, is it's really like a big blue, like, nutsack spotlight.
• 12:14
  Is that kind of the idea?
• 12:16
  Yeah, yeah, see?
• 12:18
  And that is some holiday cheer of a special type.
• 12:21
  Yeah.
• 12:22
  so you guys did some test runs.
• 12:28
  you know, he kind of vetoed the spotlight.
• 12:32
  so like, so what is your day to day, like, what do you do at the North Pole?
• 12:39
  I mean, what does Bluto do at the North Pole if he's not doing, you know, spotlighting?
• 12:48
  My friend, Ludo, course, my year-round here, you know, he, I'm sorry, I gotta get my, I'm getting all choked up because of the abuse he's been through.
• 13:00
  He just, he sits around that thing, does a little might light action for old Santa, you know, just treated him okay.
• 13:08
  I shouldn't say he's in the worst, there's no show about him, no way, but you know, lighting Santa to the...
• 13:16
  to the bathroom when he needs to go, when he takes a bath, he's got a big ol' ballsy blue light for him when he's taking his bathroom breaks and...
• 13:28
  Ludo, I've got to ask.
• 13:30
  So a few years ago, we actually had Santa on the show and he confessed that he enjoys bathing with the reindeer.
• 13:40
  And Dingle, last year Dingle made mention that though Dingle sometimes is tasked with scrubbing Santa's bits, he has never had to bathe with Santa.
• 13:52
  And know, Mrs.
• 13:54
  Claus, two years ago, she noted that
• 13:56
  she really prefers that Santa not bathe with the reindeer, but she can't get him to quit.
• 14:05
  oh Santa has a little charisma, little Christmas charisma of a little color.
• 14:12
  And you don't want to go in with him.
• 14:15
  It's not so much that he forces me in, but he gets his holly jollies going and his ting tang tingling, ding dangling.
• 14:25
  he just, he just, there's something about it that he's laying in that bathtub and you could see it in his eyes that he really needs a glow.
• 14:35
  And I just happened to find myself in the bathtub with him is all.
• 14:40
  I wouldn't say it's forced, but it's definitely unwanted and in the time.
• 14:47
  So I ended up finding myself in the bathtub and you know, give them a little glow.
• 14:53
  Do you feel as if Santa uses his magical powers for, let's say, naughtiness to get reindeer, Pluto or others into that tub?
• 15:03
  Do do think he's got some nefarious, dare I say naughty list behavior that's putting reindeer in this position?
• 15:12
  Well, when I have my secret conversations with old Budo, he does express his...
• 15:19
  Uncomfortableness with the situation.
• 15:22
  I think it's very, very...
• 15:27
  Top tier naughty list, as you say.
• 15:31
  He definitely needs to be held accountable for his...
• 15:35
  Yeah.
• 15:36
  All the jolly powers that he has.
• 15:39
  Yeah.
• 15:40
  Definitely needs to be held accountable for some of the actions he's taking against these animals that have no say in the matter.
• 15:51
  Yeah, do you?
• 15:52
  I don't know.
• 15:52
  I assume, but I don't want to.
• 15:54
  Down here, so I live in these United States.
• 15:58
  I'm in the Pacific Northwest, is, depending on the part of it, hell on earth.
• 16:03
  But down here, have, yeah, Portland.
• 16:06
  If you've ever heard of Portland, Bluto, it's a crap hole.
• 16:10
  But I'm curious, you know, we have this character down here called Spider-Man.
• 16:15
  Do they have Spider-Man in the North Pole?
• 16:17
  I assume you guys have probably made a Spider-Man toy or...
• 16:20
  or something at some point.
• 16:23
  Of we're much...
• 16:25
  with Spider-Man.
• 16:26
  We actually have a- We actually have one called the, uh...
• 16:30
  We call her Lucy Goosie.
• 16:33
  She- She has- She's got a-
• 16:38
  Or am I thinking of that snowman?
• 16:41
  I'm getting, I'm usually locked, my belt that I usually spend time with is usually locked in this closet for most of the year or as a nightlight when I go and help him out, you
• 16:53
  know, of course I.
• 16:54
  Wait a minute.
• 16:55
  Wait a minute.
• 16:56
  BLUTO!
• 16:59
  Are you a reindeer?
• 17:02
  You're a reindeer in disguise.
• 17:05
  I should have known this coming costume wasn't coming around and my antlers don't help either.
• 17:11
  I trying to hope to think that was a disguise in itself, but yeah, caught me.
• 17:15
  Yeah, no, it's me.
• 17:17
  It's old Bluto himself.
• 17:18
  I couldn't think of a good name to change, so I just went with Bluto Junior, know, Bluto Senior.
• 17:25
  But yeah, no, it's me.
• 17:28
  Now I'm all ramped up.
• 17:29
  I don't even want to high-blize anymore.
• 17:31
  Yeah, Bluto.
• 17:33
  Bluto?
• 17:34
  Well, Bluto, welcome again.
• 17:35
  For- for the second time now as a reindeer.
• 17:40
  I was going to say with the Spider-Man, you know, in here, there's this thing where somebody at some point told Spider-Man with great power comes great responsibility.
• 17:51
  And I think maybe somebody needs to pull Santa aside and explain that to him.
• 17:55
  Like with great magical power and Christmas cheer comes great responsibility.
• 17:59
  And maybe he needs to quit, you know, magically soliciting reindeer into the bathtub.
• 18:04
  I think, you know, I think we're, slowly building a case against Santa.
• 18:10
  The reindeer community, the Mrs.
• 18:12
  Claus community, and now, and the elf community are all kind of coming together.
• 18:17
  And there's going to be a day of reckoning and I'm wondering if the time is drawing short for Santa's days on the nice list.
• 18:28
  I sure hope so.
• 18:30
  Yeah, we need to get we need to get this old bugaloo put up and put handcuffs in the what do call them?
• 18:37
  They're not called handcuffs.
• 18:39
  They're called jingle jangles.
• 18:40
  You need to get putting them jingle jangles and held off to the to the downstairs area, you know.
• 18:47
  Yeah.
• 18:48
  So Pluto.
• 18:49
  Yeah.
• 18:49
  Oh shoot.
• 18:50
  Lock him up and.
• 18:52
  Santa, I know you're listening because you hear this every year.
• 18:55
  First of all, I still want presents.
• 18:58
  Like I'm not going to say that I don't.
• 19:01
  But if somebody, Jack Frost, Frosty, the Abominable Snow thing, if somebody wanted to, you know, facilitate the lockup of Santa Claus, you know, maybe, maybe we'll have to be in
• 19:15
  touch.
• 19:16
  We'll see what we can do.
• 19:17
  To heaven's knows we made Santa diarrhea himself four years ago and maybe we can move things along on this pod again.
• 19:25
  But I don't want to dwell too much on Santa, Bluto, I want to give you some more opportunity.
• 19:33
  You're wanting more attention, more, I guess, time in the spotlight, if you will, to shed some light, blue or otherwise, on your story as a reindeer.
• 19:46
  And you said they locked you in a cupboard during the filming of Rudolph's documentary?
• 19:51
  Yes, yeah, I couldn't believe it.
• 19:54
  It was a nice six by six little room with, you know, I had a little bowl and a pot to piss in at least, a bowl to eat, drink.
• 20:06
  it I wasn't even sure, was it five by five?
• 20:09
  But yeah, it was just, wasn't nothing for a reindeer space, that's for sure, especially with my blue balls, you know.
• 20:16
  Right.
• 20:16
  They need a little more space than that.
• 20:19
  I always tried to make a noise if I heard a cameraman walk by, see if somebody could pick it up.
• 20:24
  It seems that, I don't know if he put that soundproof barrier on or what have you, but I had a little, little pot right there and some, they, I graced me with toilet paper, but
• 20:35
  you know, didn't hate.
• 20:37
  I do have to ask, since you brought it up, do you know what type of toilet paper it was?
• 20:42
  It's, not to turn this thing right back to what we do here on Privy, but, you know, what sort of toilet paper were you provided with?
• 20:51
  Why, it's kind of funny you mentioned because it wasn't that bad.
• 20:54
  was, uh, this might, this is, I think this is that old man's way of saying, I didn't treat him that bad, but, uh, was Kishel.
• 21:02
  I don't know if you ever heard of Kishel?
• 21:04
  Ultra, uh, comfort.
• 21:06
  Let me tell you, it was ultra comforting.
• 21:08
  That was the only comfort I had in that little, that little, uh, sack of room that they call the sleeping area or a resting for the big day.
• 21:18
  Yeah.
• 21:19
  You know, and now it's called Kushel!
• 21:22
  Weird.
• 21:22
  oh
• 21:25
  Is that like a North Pole brand you think?
• 21:28
  Am I North Pole or Canadian?
• 21:30
  We're pretty close to Canada.
• 21:32
  It's probably Canadian.
• 21:35
  Alaska?
• 21:35
  could be America, but I don't think that's really an American brand.
• 21:39
  Yeah, I-
• 21:39
  I've never fooled around with it down here, but the Canadians, they get up to all sorts of crazy stuff.
• 21:44
  You know, the trouble is, is they want to be free, but they can't.
• 21:47
  And so they invent all sorts of ways to experience freedom, but you know, they never really taste it.
• 21:52
  That dang queen can't get away from her, but...
• 21:55
  I have a question for you.
• 21:56
  Yeah.
• 21:58
  You said you were down in Oregon, Portland, Oregon?
• 22:02
  I'm a
• 22:04
  bit south of Portland, but it's where everybody knows when they think of Oregon, they think of Portland.
• 22:09
  Yeah, you know you got the famous doughnut thing there that I might have snuck out of time or two to go get it.
• 22:15
  Why are you know I had to sneak out and I don't tell Santa even though he's probably listening But isn't that where all them witch burnings happened?
• 22:25
  You're such a hellhole
• 22:27
  In Salem?
• 22:29
  In Oregon?
• 22:30
  Yeah, isn't that where all them lich burning things are?
• 22:33
  think that's why you not like the area you live in too much.
• 22:36
  There might be a little battery situat- energy there, my friend.
• 22:39
  Yeah, you know, I'm gonna, so I'll give you, Bluto, I'll give you and maybe the listeners a brief history of what I've come.
• 22:46
  So I'm actually a Montana resident myself.
• 22:48
  Like I grew up Montana, I'm a transplant.
• 22:50
  But what I've learned about Oregon is we really just named everything after everywhere else in the United States.
• 22:55
  So they named Salem, our capital, after like Salem, Massachusetts, which is where all the witches were burned.
• 23:01
  But one of the things we do have as a nice sorted piece of our past,
• 23:06
  is we're kind of like pendulum swung because now we've like, everybody's running around with rainbow hair and all their stuff.
• 23:12
  But years and years ago, like we were one of the centers for the Ku Klux Klan here on the West Coast.
• 23:22
  it's just like deeply seated racism is the other side of, and here we are plopped down in the middle of gay pride and racism.
• 23:31
  It's just, that's kind of our
• 23:34
  You know, what we live in.
• 23:36
  you know, I'm just out here trying to make a bathroom podcast and everybody's either getting mad at somebody for the color of whatever the color of their hair.
• 23:43
  And it's like, huh, that's interesting.
• 23:46
  I just want to talk about your toilets.
• 23:47
  No, but yeah.
• 23:48
  So Oregon, it's, there is definitely some residual energy.
• 23:52
  I will say there's a lot of witches.
• 23:54
  They suck on rocks and lick mushrooms and it's.
• 23:57
  I bet it sounds like that place is a good place to go get some fruitcake.
• 24:00
  I'm kind of-
• 24:01
  dude, there is street fruitcake, there's gutter fruitcake, um there's welfare fruitcake, I mean there is every type of fruitcake you can find out here.
• 24:12
  explore my options you know there's a Santa gave me some of his fruit cake and I got
• 24:17
  Every now and then they let fruitcake into places of business and they pay them lots of money sometimes too just to be fruitcakes.
• 24:23
  It's kind of crazy.
• 24:26
  We are talking about fruitcakes, right?
• 24:29
  yes, yes.
• 24:30
  okay.
• 24:30
  Yes.
• 24:31
  And what's even crazy is that fruitcake, just sits there and does nothing.
• 24:34
  And sometimes it even gets paid to do it.
• 24:37
  It's baffling.
• 24:38
  It's truly, yeah, dude, O to be a fruitcake.
• 24:42
  You know what I'm saying?
• 24:43
  Do y'all have much fruitcake up in the North Pole?
• 24:48
  assume, like, is that not-
• 24:49
  We're...
• 24:50
  yeah.
• 24:50
  We have a few fruitcake here and there, you know.
• 24:53
  Hey, and this is a quote-unquote safe space, huh?
• 24:57
  But is Rudolph a little bit of a fruitcake?
• 25:02
  Like does he like to pretend?
• 25:05
  some different cake, but I would say his cake is mostly fruity.
• 25:09
  He's got some berries and cherries in that cake of his.
• 25:12
  He tried to play it off like he ate, he doesn't, like he just eats straight.
• 25:21
  He likes that better than sex cake, but he's just, I've seen him around the corner chewing on a fruit cake.
• 25:30
  I've seen it myself when I'm not in that, yeah.
• 25:35
  genome dabble the types of fruit
• 25:38
  Yeah.
• 25:39
  You know, I think, I wonder if, you know, and his wife, Clarice, you know, if she's out there and hearing this, Clarice, it's okay.
• 25:47
  Like, you can reach out, you know.
• 25:49
  Rudolph isn't all he's cracked up to be, I guess, is what we're learning on this show.
• 25:54
  yeah, me and him don't see eye to eye.
• 25:59
  But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, uh
• 26:12
  yeah, yeah, yeah, we had a big ordeal up there.
• 26:17
  Yeah, what's your deal in that?
• 26:20
  One of the things that came up was, you know, I was told that during COVID, Rudolph, because of his red nose, actually was like not allowed to, because of Rudolph's red nose
• 26:33
  during COVID, that he was not allowed to fly and lead Santa's sleigh.
• 26:39
  Does that sound, was that like, is that inaccurate?
• 26:41
  You know, the documentary kind of cut off years before COVID and left that part out.
• 26:46
  Yeah.
• 26:47
  Yeah.
• 26:47
  He, uh, that was dark times in, cause you know, he didn't have his, uh, red nose to lead the way, you know, he didn't get shut down.
• 26:55
  You know, he that run of the, run of the COVID era where he got, they, they traced him down.
• 27:01
  They, got a hold of sound and said, you can't have that red nose flying around, know, due to COVID.
• 27:08
  It, it wouldn't look good.
• 27:09
  This might be a COVID, uh, know, he ate that little.
• 27:14
  Rain gear got, he got shut down that year, he built it.
• 27:18
  He's grounded.
• 27:19
  I did.
• 27:19
  oh
• 27:20
  Did, you know, and it makes me wonder, was, did, did Santa give you a shot?
• 27:26
  You know, like, that seems like the opportunity for Pluto the blue-balled reindeer to, to like be in the, be in the spotlight.
• 27:35
  Yeah, I tried to rustle my ray up there and use the old blue ball telescope, know, spotlight to catch the houses and direct sand on his way.
• 27:48
  You know, I can kind of shimmy my way to a spotlight scenario, but just it got shut down and you want to know why?
• 27:56
  Why is that?
• 27:56
  want to know why?
• 27:57
  It just might not be inappropriate.
• 28:00
  It might be inappropriate for the children.
• 28:02
  Yeah, I know.
• 28:04
  look up and they see a thing.
• 28:05
  Well, little monkeys are supposed to be asleep, aren't they?
• 28:08
  They're not supposed to be awake.
• 28:09
  When I'm flying around shining my giblets around for Santa's sights, they're like, no, that can't happen.
• 28:17
  That's still inappropriate.
• 28:18
  There's still adults that are awake.
• 28:20
  Well, they've never seen Santa either.
• 28:22
  I'm struggling on that little bit there.
• 28:26
  Yeah.
• 28:27
  Yeah.
• 28:27
  And it's like also like, like people haven't seen animal, animal, like parts.
• 28:34
  Do you know what I'm saying?
• 28:35
  You know, like if kids have got pets, they've got, you know, pets got parts.
• 28:40
  eh Yeah.
• 28:42
  Just because they're glowing blue and larger than normal doesn't mean that it's weird.
• 28:47
  Yeah, and you know, my old blue balls are eager and ready to go.
• 28:51
  You know, they're ready for some Christmas night action to save the day and be hollow, be the blue ball reindeer, blue doe, you know, and, you know, but I just, I'm ready to shine
• 29:03
  my light on everybody all over.
• 29:06
  Just, just to have a little holiday cheer.
• 29:09
  Bluto.
• 29:11
  You know, I, well, I want to see you get some action, Bluto.
• 29:15
  you know, the, think the marketing on it is, you know, Bluto the blue-balled reindeer wants to quote shine his light on everybody.
• 29:23
  It might, it might be a little much for some.
• 29:28
  You know, maybe, you know, Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, you know, had a very shiny nose.
• 29:34
  Like it glows.
• 29:36
  I'm bad with the lyrics, but you know,
• 29:38
  I'm trying to wonder if there's a way that we can punch up Bluto the Blue Ball Reindeer.
• 29:43
  I'm not sure.
• 29:44
  Have you ever talked to any of the other elves or anything up there to get their feedback?
• 29:53
  I brought it up to him.
• 29:55
  had to sit down when I do have a chance to see him, know, and um, well, let me tell you I had a little elf in there.
• 30:01
  He's still kind of in the works.
• 30:02
  He was a little guy and interested.
• 30:05
  that dingle?
• 30:06
  It might have been Dool.
• 30:09
  BAMMIE OWW!
• 30:10
  Yeah, we talked to Dingle last year.
• 30:11
  Go ahead though, Bluto.
• 30:13
  And you know, he kind of, he kind of shined a little light.
• 30:17
  He's like, you know, Rudolph's got that little song.
• 30:20
  Maybe you need a little jingle.
• 30:22
  And so he kind of came up with a little script for me and he goes, but we can steal his song.
• 30:28
  So we had to waste it up and we go, Blue, blue, blue balls.
• 30:34
  Go out the sky and right away.
• 30:37
  Blue, blue, blue, blue balls.
• 30:39
  Go up the sky and like.
• 30:41
  You know, it just a little sip clever.
• 30:46
  and so I kind of been building off that yeah
• 30:49
  I think there's a lot, um know, maybe, and this is something as time goes on, who knows, maybe you'll work your way into the Santa's sleigh pack.
• 31:00
  I'd love to see that for you, but I think, you know, I think our biggest thing is you to convince Santa to chill out with the reindeer baths.
• 31:09
  cause like, I feel like Bluto, you're going to be stuck in that bathtub with Santa.
• 31:14
  You know, he doesn't view you as,
• 31:17
  sleigh reindeer, he views you as bathtub reindeer.
• 31:20
  we got to, I think, I think that's going to be, you know, we're trying to change elf conditions for, for Dingle and we're trying to get, you know, Mrs.
• 31:30
  Claus just wants Santa to chill out with the, with the cookies and cocoa.
• 31:34
  He's, he's given him sugar diarrhea.
• 31:36
  And so, you know, maybe we can add this to our list of North Pole, you know, North Pole things that we want to improve.
• 31:43
  The lot for.
• 31:45
  The, you know, I imagine being part of the elite eight reindeer on Santa's sleigh is big, but opportunities for other reindeer to join the pack.
• 31:54
  think, you know, we've got room to, to, you know, proceed there, but, Bluto, do have, I do have a few questions I want to ask.
• 32:03
  I, since you're here, I've got you on the call.
• 32:07
  I've got to ask.
• 32:07
  I ask everybody who joins me on the show.
• 32:10
  Elf, Mrs.
• 32:11
  Claus.
• 32:12
  Dracula, we talked to Dracula, if you can believe it or not.
• 32:15
  He was, he was actually a maniac.
• 32:18
  I don't think that man as well, but Bluto, I've got some questions that I have to ask.
• 32:24
  And the first is, and you can, you know, come at it from the perspective of while you're in the bath with Santa or, or just in your own Bluto time.
• 32:32
  Like, Bluto, are you a, are you a bar soap or a liquid soap reindeer?
• 32:38
  I am a bar soap reindeer.
• 32:41
  Does Santa ever lose the bar soap in the bath when y'all when you're in there with him?
• 32:45
  He sure absolutely does.
• 32:47
  Did you ever do it on purpose you think?
• 32:49
  Like, you know, not to be crass, but it seems like that's one of those dirty tricks, Sanad Pull, where he's like, shoot, Bluto, I lost my soap again.
• 33:06
  that that look in his eye and then all of sudden, whoop, whoop, the soap's gone.
• 33:11
  Hey, Pluto.
• 33:11
  You want to go to the end of that tub there and pick that old dove.
• 33:18
  He's a dove man.
• 33:19
  You would think he'd be a reindeer man, but he loves his dove.
• 33:22
  Yeah, he's petting his dove.
• 33:25
  Pluto, it feels insensitive to ask you, but I ask everybody, how do you feel about baths?
• 33:35
  See, I just, since I've been in the spot where I've been for the past, you know, years and whatever you have.
• 33:48
  Blue ball bathtub light.
• 33:49
  Yes.
• 33:50
  Yeah, I all baths of light.
• 33:52
  It's no longer fun for me.
• 33:56
  I just don't enjoy the bath times.
• 33:58
  I'm more of a showered deer now instead of a reindeer.
• 34:02
  I had to take them showers.
• 34:07
  So, you know, and it kind of cool because you see when it sparkles, you know, the light bounces off my glowing blue balls there and, you know, it kind of makes a cool color.
• 34:19
  So I kind of enjoy the, I enjoy that.
• 34:23
  So, and then, so, but then, Bluto, I have, that answers the next question is, I ask people, do you ever take a shower in the dark?
• 34:31
  But I suppose maybe you're not able to.
• 34:34
  No, I don't use lights because I am my own light, so I don't bother.
• 34:39
  It's pretty bright.
• 34:41
  Like I said, I can use it as a spotlight, so it lights up the room pretty good.
• 34:45
  hell do you when you're just out and about like on the reindeer town do you have to wear some sort of like pants or something to cover up the glow while you're out and in public
• 34:58
  or is it like
• 35:00
  Yeah, they recommend they finally got me a thermal under armor reindeer.
• 35:05
  So my tail can actually stick out.
• 35:08
  And the light does not shine through it.
• 35:09
  It's tight, but it's not uncomfortable.
• 35:11
  And it's like an under armor type thing, but it's not under armor.
• 35:15
  But it's the thing in that there's a little, because my holly jollies are so bright, they have an extra padding to conceal the light.
• 35:25
  You know, it kind of works, but I do get a lot of looks like
• 35:28
  Why is that reindeer?
• 35:30
  Often they say, I have to tell people because to kind of give a little reason for it, have to say, well, I got back issues and a little spina bifida.
• 35:40
  I kind of got to straighten out the back a little bit.
• 35:42
  it, that's kind of the story and tell them because you know, they have to, I have to hide as much as I can, apparently.
• 35:49
  You know, maybe, yeah, I can't just, maybe to add to the list for the reindeer, for the reindeer plight is convincing all the other reindeer to also wear some sort of pants.
• 36:03
  Like maybe that could help you even edge your way a little closer to Santa's sleigh and being part of the pack.
• 36:12
  I don't know.
• 36:12
  I'm just.
• 36:13
  I'm just spit balling ideas for free balling ideas for what, you know, what could be options for you, Bluto.
• 36:21
  But Bluto, do you ever have a snack in the bathroom or like, you know, when you're in the bath or I guess it would be the shower, but do you ever, do you ever have a snack when
• 36:31
  you're in there?
• 36:33
  And yeah, and you know what?
• 36:34
  Every once in while, and I'm not gonna lie to you, I do take a bath if I'm feeling that.
• 36:38
  And if I do, or even in the shower, I have what's called Blastic, or Blastic Pickleballs.
• 36:46
  You know what Blastic Pickles are?
• 36:47
  They're like crunchy.
• 36:49
  enjoy them.
• 36:50
  green balls.
• 36:51
  Yep, yep.
• 36:52
  Okay.
• 36:52
  Yeah, you know, I think they're good.
• 36:56
  Yeah.
• 36:57
  Have you ever messed around with the Oots white cheddar snowballs?
• 37:01
  They're like a little cheese ball, but they're white.
• 37:05
  yeah, that's more of a Benz-roo-s-n-a-t.
• 37:06
  Bedroom snack.
• 37:08
  And then I'm also curious, have you ever just gotten the big tub of orange yellow cheddar cheese balls?
• 37:15
  Yeah.
• 37:16
  yeah.
• 37:17
  uh That's just a common occurrence.
• 37:19
  That's just a regular, that's not a special shower snack.
• 37:22
  That's just when I'm out in the dinner table drinking my coffee and...
• 37:28
  Yeah.
• 37:29
  you, Bluto, do you prefer ball-shaped snacks?
• 37:33
  Yeah, I never really thought about it before, but yeah, I guess I do.
• 37:37
  Hey, that's fine.
• 37:38
  you know, pickle balls, they're not my thing, but I know like my wife, she's dabbled in those pickle balls and my kids have tried them.
• 37:48
  I'm not a pickle guy.
• 37:51
  I got the tummy flu on some pickles one time and it really set me back.
• 37:57
  Story for another time, you know?
• 38:00
  But, Bluto, when you're in the bath or the shower and you have to go, do you get out?
• 38:07
  Or do you like, have you ever, have you ever performed a waffle stomp blue dough?
• 38:13
  doing and so that's the good thing about these old hoods of mine they're pretty good powerhouses so you know what when I am in the shower I will monster dump and I will
• 38:22
  monster stomp yeah nope not an oddity in my shower
• 38:30
  Yeah, and that makes sense for a reindeer, you know, you really got to let fly wherever is most convenient Do you have a do you have a North Pole?
• 38:39
  Restaurant that you like to go to but when you do it kind of messes up the the little reindeer tummy for you
• 38:46
  Yeah.
• 38:47
  Slain Denglands.
• 38:49
  Yep.
• 38:50
  That's the, it's kind of a, it's kind of a mid price restaurant, but you can sit down and have a good thing.
• 38:55
  But they have their sloppy cakes there and they it a more buttery and you know, they, all that syrup that they use and the eggs are kind of runny, but a lot of people complain
• 39:08
  about it, but.
• 39:09
  Yeah.
• 39:10
  That does me good.
• 39:11
  uh I eat that up, I don't get very far between.
• 39:14
  I make a trail and you know exactly where I've been.
• 39:19
  slang dangling sloppy cakes.
• 39:21
  Well, if I ever make my way to the North Pole, I'm definitely going to have to give those a try.
• 39:29
  It sounds one of a kind.
• 39:34
  We could say fruit cake, but I often ask people about oranges in the shower.
• 39:39
  But have you ever eaten an orange in the shower or the bath as if it was an apple?
• 39:43
  Or have you ever just like...
• 39:45
  gone full bore on some fruitcake while you're in the bath or shower up there.
• 39:50
  I heard you heard my little spiel on fruitcake.
• 39:53
  enjoy a fruitcake here and there.
• 39:55
  So yeah, in the shower, you know, I'll take one out of Santa's fridge.
• 39:59
  Yeah.
• 40:01
  Does Santa keep lots of fruitcakes in his fridge?
• 40:04
  He keeps one or two.
• 40:05
  um he doesn't like to share so I kind of got a good little sneaky sneak and we hear about it.
• 40:13
  Well, it's one of you elves took my fruitcake and like not me.
• 40:18
  dude, but we could blame it on Rudolph.
• 40:24
  I got a sneak.
• 40:25
  I could set it up and make it look like he did it.
• 40:28
  This is the path forward.
• 40:30
  If we can somehow, this is, okay, I've got the new solution.
• 40:35
  We've somehow got to, we got to get the elves on it.
• 40:38
  They've got to be able to manufacture this, but some sort of undergarment that channels the light from your nether region.
• 40:48
  So it doesn't, like maybe even if it's just like a little hole, so that way it's like one little light and not just the big shining blue balls.
• 40:57
  And so we get that in place and we frame Rudolph for eating all of Santa's fruitcakes.
• 41:06
  There, there might be a moment that we could get you leading that sleigh.
• 41:12
  Oh, I like this.
• 41:14
  Okay.
• 41:15
  That sounds good.
• 41:16
  uh
• 41:16
  I'll have to be in touch with Dingle and see if he can organize the elves.
• 41:22
  Yeah.
• 41:23
  Yeah.
• 41:25
  Bluto, do you, I've got just like two more questions.
• 41:29
  The first is, are there any pet peeves that you have related to the bathroom as a reindeer?
• 41:37
  Yes.
• 41:38
  Yes, I do.
• 41:39
  Okay.
• 41:39
  So first off, I want to start this by saying I have another snack that I have in this one helps me go regularly.
• 41:45
  It's called the mixed buried yogurt.
• 41:48
  yeah.
• 41:48
  They're another ball for the snack, but they're mixed berries and rock ground yogurt and they're called mixed berry yogis.
• 41:56
  And so with being Reingear, you know, I sit down, I get all comfy and I, you know, get all comforted.
• 42:04
  My biggest deal is
• 42:06
  Sometimes um they have an air scent in there and sometimes it'll be clocked.
• 42:14
  You know, the ones you can pull open and it'll be like a uh little open or all the way open.
• 42:21
  Them greedy muggers.
• 42:24
  These are the elves.
• 42:25
  I know these are the elves.
• 42:26
  Maybe not our friend that we were talking about, but I know one of them and it could also be Rudolph and then we can set him up for this too.
• 42:34
  He leaves the...
• 42:35
  the thing at like almost all the way open, but not exactly.
• 42:40
  But you always leave like a quarter inch open.
• 42:44
  You don't go a whole inch or two inch open or whatever the diameter is, but it's just a fingernail, like a pinky nail sized open.
• 42:53
  Like how hard is it?
• 42:54
  We've established that it's an unwritten rule.
• 42:57
  Every time you walk in there, a quarter.
• 42:58
  But all of sudden this one or two that use it, you can never pinpoint which one it is, whether it's Rudolph, whether it's this other elf I was talking about or whoever.
• 43:08
  But after they, those three use it, it's always, they tranks it open.
• 43:12
  Like I know our stuff is gross and stinky, but man, it's fine.
• 43:17
  Just even a quarter, like a fingernail open.
• 43:19
  How hard is it?
• 43:20
  It's one of those where if you leave it, if you leave it at the little pin prick open and it's just that slow trickle.
• 43:26
  If you keep that consistent trickle, it doesn't overpower, you know, and something I've found, something I've found, Pluto, and I think this is wisdom that you've already shared
• 43:36
  here is when it comes to bathroom stink, the things that cover bathroom stink, they're best evaluated on how they interact with the stink, not in how much they overpower it.
• 43:50
  Because if you overpower the smell of turd with just the smell of lilac or whatever, now it's just, now I just hate lilac.
• 43:59
  But if your scent meshes with the poo smell, there's a butter zone, you know?
• 44:06
  And I think that's kind of what you're getting at is Rudolph will say, you know, why not blame Rudolph?
• 44:11
  It's probably him.
• 44:12
  Rudolph's probably messing with the butter zone.
• 44:15
  And he thinks that he needs to overpower it and...
• 44:19
  And my suspicion, I'm gonna guess, fruitcake scented, right?
• 44:23
  Like, yeah, it's gotta be Rudolph.
• 44:26
  He, I know, nobody will, you're the first to tell the truth about Rudolph, Bluto, because I've had this suspicion that Rudolph's kind of a butthole for years and everybody denies
• 44:37
  it.
• 44:37
  They're like, no, he's a really good guy.
• 44:40
  You know, he saved Christmas.
• 44:41
  And I'm like, yeah, but he's kind of a butthole, right?
• 44:45
  And I'm...
• 44:46
  think we're finally getting to the bottom of some of the trouble that goes on up there.
• 44:52
  yeah, I don't mind me interact active, you know, if he likes to save Christmas and look good on TV and does all this stuff when I have a little issue or I need help, why can't he
• 45:02
  help at home?
• 45:03
  Why is he helping all around but not helping with the problems that we're having in the North Pole?
• 45:08
  She's like, that's out of my paycheck.
• 45:10
  But I was saving the whole world and making the whole world happy on your paycheck.
• 45:14
  I don't that's I don't understand that.
• 45:16
  So I can't help me get a nice toilet and
• 45:19
  get a better room but all the children in the world are happy boys.
• 45:25
  Yeah, but we, like, Rudolph could spend some time making things better for Pluto and the other reindeer.
• 45:32
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, Like, me and Vixen, ugh, we just...
• 45:37
  Vixen's got it pretty rough.
• 45:39
  Yeah, she's got a spotlight that people like about her, but you should see how she's treated behind the scenes.
• 45:46
  I relate with her the most.
• 45:48
  She's got a good uh heart that makes him, but when he's got, Rudolph is one that people around, he's got a good like, happy go cherry, but yeah, he's put it on a good show
• 46:06
  because when we get around him, kind of...
• 46:08
  puts his eyes down and walks off.
• 46:10
  He gives us a little head nod, but you know, kind of goes on about his way.
• 46:14
  kinda grouch couches you.
• 46:16
  Yeah, yeah, that's a good word.
• 46:20
  So, I imagine that they're going to discover that you've tapped into this line.
• 46:26
  So before you have to go, I want to ask, do you as a reindeer have any bathroom wisdom that you want to leave the masses with?
• 46:37
  Or maybe it's just a message for those who would hear this, not related to the bathroom, but just related to your plight as the blue-balled reindeer.
• 46:52
  Just when stuff is hard, when stuff seems to get, you can't really push it out and you just feel like you're in a tough spot, just keep pushing.
• 47:01
  And if you feel like you're disrupting anyone's life, push through it.
• 47:05
  Just keep, no matter how stuck it seems, just don't give up.
• 47:10
  Just keep pushing and it'll eventually come out of the gutter eventually.
• 47:14
  Yeah, it'll come flying right out of the chute eventually.
• 47:17
  Yeah.
• 47:18
  Yup.
• 47:18
  Yup.
• 47:19
  Don't give up.
• 47:19
  That's my prize.
• 47:21
  haven't hit my, my, my situation still stuck, but I'm still pushing and I feel like I'm going to get my, my good rewards.
• 47:30
  Yeah.
• 47:30
  My rewards.
• 47:31
  One of these days, you know how it is.
• 47:34
  Do you think that Santa is putting you on the naughty list?
• 47:39
  Like, just because?
• 47:41
  like, I don't know, I'm trying to figure out.
• 47:45
  feel like Santa, just, I'm not kind of taking a deep dive here, but I feel like Santa doesn't really put human emotion into us.
• 47:56
  Even though we speak and we, I don't think he really understands us reindeer as valid lives.
• 48:02
  He likes reindeer and he favoritizes, what's his name, Rudolph.
• 48:07
  He favoritizes him just because he did a big plight and made a big convenience for him.
• 48:13
  But as far as those other ones, seems like he just, oh, you're reindeer and you don't have any feelings.
• 48:20
  Yeah, get in here, but he doesn't really have emotional attachment.
• 48:24
  I don't think it's like anyone who has, like I have a cat and I love that thing.
• 48:29
  I've had something with the thing, but he just has a very, I don't know, just not there spiritually, should say.
• 48:37
  Yeah, Santa, I think you're headed for the naughty list if you're listening.
• 48:43
  I still want gifts, but like think you're headed to the naughty list.
• 48:48
  I don't want any gifts from Santa anymore.
• 48:50
  think he's tainted.
• 48:51
  His gifts are tainted.
• 48:52
  Yeah, they're tainted.
• 48:55
  oh, you hear that kids?
• 48:57
  No.
• 48:57
  This might be the years of pent up frustrations coming out of me and I might get a padding on later on, but I gotta say, I'm turnt.
• 49:07
  Yeah, yeah.
• 49:09
  Well, Bluto, I'm sorry that things are so tough for you there in the North Pole.
• 49:13
  I will admit, we will try to figure out um what we can do.
• 49:19
  The tough part is here on Privy Christmas, we're almost a full year away and we've got a lot going on on the show coming up.
• 49:28
  so we will work on it behind the scenes, but just hang in there and see if Dingle's around.
• 49:37
  And we'll see what we can do for you, Bluto.
• 49:39
  But Bluto, I appreciate you hopping on the show and sharing everything that's going on for you.
• 49:45
  yeah, no problem.
• 49:46
  I'm glad you willingly let me on here.
• 49:50
  You know, I know you're joking about me hacking the system, but I was absolutely for anybody out there in the big FBI scene or whoever runs the stuff.
• 50:00
  This was just a big gag.
• 50:02
  was absolutely, didn't do any hacking to get on here or hack any codes or break any firewalls.
• 50:08
  Yeah.
• 50:09
  We just got to get my saying out.
• 50:12
  Yeah, it's weird.
• 50:13
  My computer's had an error code on the...
• 50:16
  No, I'm just kidding, Bluedo, but...
• 50:20
  That was so rude of-
• 50:21
  Yeah, that's right.
• 50:22
  I guarantee you as Rudolph, he's trying to get access to American Netflix.
• 50:27
  but Bluto, I'm gonna close out the show real quick and I do that every time by reminding everybody to keep pooping in the free world.
• 50:35
  The free world was not always free.
• 50:36
  Wash your butt hole and maybe, you know, it's Christmas day, but as you look up into the sky today and as the week goes on into the,
• 50:48
  Keep an eye out for maybe that little blue glow in the distance.
• 50:51
  Who knows?
• 50:52
  Who knows?
• 50:52
  Maybe it's our friend Bluto here.
• 50:54
  But this brings us to the end of another episode of Privy.
• 50:57
  Keep pooping in the free world, own your stank, and now, as always, don't forget to flush.
• 51:10
  Alright, bye, Bluto.
• 51:11
  Bye!