Latest / The You Project / #1730 The Confessional - Harps & Tiff

Transcript

#1730 The Confessional - Harps & Tiff · The You Project

0:01
Speaker 1: Tiffany Cook, Gray Yamba, It's Jumper, It's Fatty Harps over
0:05
Speaker 1: here at Fatty Harp Central.
0:06
Speaker 2: How are you, oh mate?
0:07
Speaker 3: Now that I can see you wearing those earphones today,
0:10
Speaker 3: I am so happy.
0:12
Speaker 1: I know you're like a pig and shit over there
0:14
Speaker 1: at Bloody TIFFs Central because I'm wearing the I'm wearing
0:19
Speaker 1: my headphones that you told me to wear because otherwise
0:22
Speaker 1: I get too far off Mike, and I do this
0:24
Speaker 1: and it sounds terrible because my voice goes quiet, and
0:26
Speaker 1: then I come back on and then you can hear me.
0:28
Speaker 1: And you people who edit the show call me a
0:33
Speaker 1: dickhead and other bad names, and so here I am.
0:36
Speaker 2: Now that's a fib Tell everyone that you're phibbing.
0:39
Speaker 1: Actually, you know the problem with this is I can't
0:41
Speaker 1: actually hear myself in these earphones, but anyway can try.
0:46
Speaker 1: I don't know. Maybe you've got the other I don't know.
0:51
Speaker 1: I'm just this is terrible. Don't have it one two.
0:55
Speaker 1: I don't know. I can't hear me in there, but
0:57
Speaker 1: anyway you can hear me. Yeah, I got a fucking
1:04
Speaker 1: clumsy start to You would think that this was episode two,
1:08
Speaker 1: not episode nearly two.
1:10
Speaker 2: Thousand, but we just each time getting better and better.
1:15
Speaker 1: Are we are? We? We don't. Sometimes I listen. Sometimes
1:20
Speaker 1: I listen to myself, like I'm you know, somebody will
1:23
Speaker 1: say something that they heard something and they liked it,
1:26
Speaker 1: or they didn't like it, or usually it's that they
1:28
Speaker 1: liked it, and I'm like, oh, and then I have
1:29
Speaker 1: a listener, I'm like, ah, fuck, that's terrible. I still don't.
1:33
Speaker 1: I still don't like listening to myself. The only reason
1:36
Speaker 1: I will is just to basically critique whether or not
1:39
Speaker 1: it as a show, or whether or not you know,
1:42
Speaker 1: what I can do better and what I'm doing that
1:43
Speaker 1: needs to change or more of or less of? Do
1:47
Speaker 1: you listen to anything?
1:48
Speaker 3: The other day I noticed that, Like I hear myself
1:53
Speaker 3: all the time on my show, on your show all
1:55
Speaker 3: the time. But when I hear myself on a show
2:00
Speaker 3: I've done on somebody else's show, yeah, it's like it's
2:04
Speaker 3: like watching an Australian movie on TV going oh we
2:09
Speaker 3: sound funny, I go, oh, what a cringy voice, so bogan.
2:15
Speaker 3: And it's likely I don't know why I noticed it
2:18
Speaker 3: on other people's shows are not mine. There's like some
2:20
Speaker 3: switch in my brain that goes, oh, this is the
2:22
Speaker 3: guest and it's you, and she's a massive bogan.
2:25
Speaker 2: Hmmmmmm embarrassing.
2:27
Speaker 1: Well I don't. I don't think you sound like a bogan.
2:30
Speaker 1: But you have a definitive Australian sounding voice, which I like,
2:35
Speaker 1: I like, you know, I like that. But yeah, it's not.
2:40
Speaker 1: It's funny because it's not bogany and it's not unsophisticated.
2:44
Speaker 1: You have a pretty good vocabulary and you're pretty smart,
2:46
Speaker 1: so it just happens that you have. You know that
2:51
Speaker 1: you have a very ozzy kind of pronunciation, don't you
2:57
Speaker 1: whole null brown call now brown cow? You know roberts Am. I, well,
3:04
Speaker 1: she's not exact, I mean she's she doesn't really. I mean,
3:07
Speaker 1: you know Kate Middleton, let's say that, Yes, you know
3:10
Speaker 1: Princess Kate. But then I'm no Princess Bill either, I
3:14
Speaker 1: mean Prince Bill. Oh god, So you've been crook. What's
3:23
Speaker 1: the update? It's as we record this, it's one thirty
3:25
Speaker 1: six Monday. Obo. You've been crook. You've been projectile spewing apparently,
3:31
Speaker 1: And might I say, I haven't seen you for four
3:34
Speaker 1: or five days, and I'm glad because whatever you got,
3:36
Speaker 1: I don't want it. And you were giving me in
3:40
Speaker 1: some detail the kind of the whole visual before on
3:45
Speaker 1: the phone.
3:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was because it's been brutal. It's been brutal.
3:49
Speaker 2: But the last two days I've got the energy.
3:51
Speaker 3: Exercise violently ill physically for the first twelve to twenty
3:58
Speaker 3: four hours and then in bed for a couple of days.
4:03
Speaker 2: But like just the energy that it takes from you.
4:06
Speaker 3: I guess dehydration, no food, throwing up a bug in
4:10
Speaker 3: perhaps a bug in your system. I couldn't believe how
4:12
Speaker 3: long it took me to yeah, not.
4:15
Speaker 1: Feel like hauka. Well we're recording this, Like I said,
4:19
Speaker 1: Monday AVO early What when when was the main action?
4:23
Speaker 2: What day was that Wednesday night?
4:26
Speaker 1: Wow?
4:27
Speaker 2: Yeah?
4:28
Speaker 1: Yeah, wow, it has been a long time. Yeah, And
4:31
Speaker 1: when did you how long did you feel terrible?
4:34
Speaker 2: For so terrible?
4:38
Speaker 3: Thursday and most of Friday tried to kind of get
4:44
Speaker 3: some suffable. I sat in this room and did a
4:46
Speaker 3: podcast with you on Friday, and halfway through, just even
4:49
Speaker 3: sitting in the heat and sitting up right, I was
4:51
Speaker 3: like halfway point, I went, oh, we're fading real fun Yeah, I.
4:56
Speaker 1: Know it was funny because I was doing it with
4:58
Speaker 1: someone else and you were producing, but I was watching
5:00
Speaker 1: you because you went from looking pretty normal too. She
5:05
Speaker 1: could die before the end of the.
5:06
Speaker 3: Show, sick like that, and you think you're okay when
5:12
Speaker 3: you're laying down. You're like, all right, well, come on,
5:15
Speaker 3: we're not being sick anymore. We've had a big rest.
5:17
Speaker 3: Let's hop up. And then you stand up and the
5:20
Speaker 3: whole world moves a little bit in a woozy way,
5:22
Speaker 3: and you go to this, Oh no, we can't.
5:26
Speaker 1: How's the girl who's somewhat addicted to training? How's she
5:29
Speaker 1: going without training for the best part of a week.
5:33
Speaker 3: It actually wasn't bad because I haven't been as a
5:36
Speaker 3: little training psychopath. Since I've been back. I've been more.
5:39
Speaker 3: I've been strength focused, obviously, and I did a little
5:42
Speaker 3: strength work out this morning. I did a tiny, little,
5:46
Speaker 3: barely barely strength work out yesterday just to move the body.
5:51
Speaker 3: But but I mean, you just have no choice when
5:54
Speaker 3: you feel like that, you know that there's no there's
5:57
Speaker 3: no mucking around. I'm like, I just need to rest
6:00
Speaker 3: and have frosty fruits and drink some more water.
6:03
Speaker 2: First.
6:05
Speaker 1: Well, you can get out and do twenty thousand steps
6:07
Speaker 1: a day, like jumbo.
6:08
Speaker 2: You're stepping up a storm.
6:10
Speaker 1: I'm all over the joint. And I said I did
6:12
Speaker 1: a little solo one yesterday or the day, Yeah, I
6:14
Speaker 1: think it was yesterday Sunday. It was out just amazing.
6:17
Speaker 1: It's like, I know I've said this, so if you
6:19
Speaker 1: listen to the episode, I apologize, but yeah, but I
6:22
Speaker 1: mean since I just I literally tripled my walking and
6:26
Speaker 1: it's so good. I just feel I've already done today.
6:30
Speaker 1: It's one thirty nine now I've done about ten thousand
6:32
Speaker 1: steps and I'll probably do close to another ten before
6:36
Speaker 1: i go to bed. I've got a workshop tonight. I'm
6:40
Speaker 1: doing a potty with you. Now I've got to do
6:41
Speaker 1: some PhD. I tell you my mom is working better,
6:46
Speaker 1: not only just kind of creativity and clarity, but like
6:49
Speaker 1: my ability to stay present and focus. Last night I
6:54
Speaker 1: had a meeting with Chris, my senior supervisor brother Christian
7:00
Speaker 1: for my PhD. That is, in case everyone's going, what
7:03
Speaker 1: does that mean? Does he work at Dalton hapervisor no?
7:06
Speaker 1: This is for my study, my research, and I'm going
7:10
Speaker 1: to be honest. I sometimes in those meetings I struggled
7:14
Speaker 1: to stay really present because it's deep and it's long,
7:19
Speaker 1: and it's like it's it's it's not which has got
7:23
Speaker 1: nothing to do with him or me, or it's not
7:26
Speaker 1: fun you know me, I'm like a fucking child. Is
7:29
Speaker 1: there any way we can make a PhD? I don't know,
7:32
Speaker 1: like a party? No? No, none, none, And it's it's so.
7:39
Speaker 1: And I was meeting with him last night, so I've
7:41
Speaker 1: had a bit of a revelation. I feel like I
7:43
Speaker 1: need to go to confession. You've never been to confession,
7:46
Speaker 1: have you?
7:47
Speaker 2: No? No?
7:48
Speaker 1: No? Do you know? Do you understand the concept in Catholicism?
7:51
Speaker 1: You would have seen it where in movies? Yeah? Yeah,
7:55
Speaker 1: people jump into a little box. So kneeling next to
8:00
Speaker 1: a bloke in a dress that's in another little box
8:04
Speaker 1: next to you with a little kind of I don't know,
8:07
Speaker 1: kind of a mesh cloth thing between so you can
8:10
Speaker 1: hear but you can't see each other, and you confess
8:15
Speaker 1: your sins, which I did manty times growing up. It's
8:19
Speaker 1: how weird is that? Let's just think about that. Think
8:22
Speaker 1: about that as a so what you do you going?
8:26
Speaker 1: You know, but when you're a Catholic you don't think
8:28
Speaker 1: about it. Oh you walk in that see that little
8:31
Speaker 1: box over there with that little weeny door. Yeah, you
8:32
Speaker 1: walk in little weenie door and there's a thing we know,
8:35
Speaker 1: and it's like kind of down on the floor and
8:38
Speaker 1: a bit of ata. Did you kneel on that? Okay?
8:40
Speaker 1: And then what Well, then there's another bloke next door
8:43
Speaker 1: who's sitting on a chair and you're going to tell
8:47
Speaker 1: him all your sins are like, oh, okay, and then
8:50
Speaker 1: what happens? Ill? Then he will absolve you. What does
8:53
Speaker 1: that mean? Oh, that means he'll clear it up with God.
8:56
Speaker 1: He'll take them off your soul and then you're good
8:59
Speaker 1: to go. You've had you know, it's like you've had
9:01
Speaker 1: a spiritual transplant. You goot to go no more. And
9:04
Speaker 1: then per chance, if you get hit by a truck
9:07
Speaker 1: when you walk out a confession, you going to heaven.
9:10
Speaker 1: If you get hit by a truck on the way
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Speaker 1: to confession, you're fucked because you've got these sins on
9:14
Speaker 1: your soul. Right, So I grew up in that. It's
9:18
Speaker 1: funny when that's all you know, you don't think, oh
9:23
Speaker 1: this is weird, isn't it?
9:24
Speaker 3: Like?
9:24
Speaker 1: Is anyone else anyone else? Just me? Like there's a
9:28
Speaker 1: man in there in a long black dress with a
9:31
Speaker 1: dog collar, and I'm telling him all this shit that
9:33
Speaker 1: I've done or thought about or want to do or
9:36
Speaker 1: and he's going hm hm, and then he goes, I
9:40
Speaker 1: absolve you from your sins and name the Father's Son,
9:43
Speaker 1: the Holy Spirit. And then he tells you your penance.
9:46
Speaker 1: Do you know what that is? No, that is the
9:48
Speaker 1: prayers that you've got to say. So he might say
9:51
Speaker 1: something like you've got to say five our Fathers and
9:55
Speaker 1: twenty Hail Mary's. So then you've got to go out
9:58
Speaker 1: and you've got to kneel down and and this is
10:00
Speaker 1: basically your your punishment or your fucking ticket to spiritual
10:07
Speaker 1: freedom for another month or two or three. It's just
10:10
Speaker 1: when I think about it now, I'm like, oh God, really.
10:13
Speaker 3: What do you reckon? That does to your so many
10:17
Speaker 3: layers of things, like your level of perceiving wrong and
10:24
Speaker 3: right of self, of shame, of being able to do
10:29
Speaker 3: things and just have them absolved by telling some bloke
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Speaker 3: in a little wooden box.
10:33
Speaker 1: Yeah, well it's it's it's funny because it's like there's
10:38
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff that feel free to tune out
10:41
Speaker 1: listeners because I'm going to talk a little bit about religion.
10:43
Speaker 1: But I am fascinated because of my background in the
10:48
Speaker 1: psychology of religion more than the theology of religion, right,
10:52
Speaker 1: so I'm fascinated with how we think about it and
10:55
Speaker 1: how it makes us think and belief and division and
10:59
Speaker 1: fucking chaos and war and hatred and self righteousness and
11:04
Speaker 1: all that which happens. As I've said to you before,
11:07
Speaker 1: there's twelve major religions. There's over four thousand minor religions.
11:13
Speaker 1: So you know, we're talking four thousand plus religions in
11:15
Speaker 1: the world, and for the most part, all of those
11:19
Speaker 1: religions think they are the one true religion. And while
11:22
Speaker 1: there might be other similar religions, you know, like even
11:25
Speaker 1: under the banner of Christianity, which is a major religion,
11:28
Speaker 1: they're like a bunch of different denominations or a different
11:34
Speaker 1: versions of Christianity. And you know, like I grew up
11:39
Speaker 1: in the Catholic Church that thought it was the one
11:41
Speaker 1: true church, and the Church of England and Anglican and
11:44
Speaker 1: Uniting Church and Baptist and Fundamental Christians that they were
11:49
Speaker 1: all lost, you know, and then so too then I
11:52
Speaker 1: went to a different church which thought, you know, and
11:54
Speaker 1: taught and it's not These things are not ideas or suggestions.
11:58
Speaker 1: These are mandates, like this is this is taught as
12:02
Speaker 1: absolute truth. So when you grow up in an environment
12:08
Speaker 1: that's totally familiar to you, with people that are totally familiar,
12:11
Speaker 1: and a protocol and a culture and an energy and
12:15
Speaker 1: a theology that you've never known anything different, Like you
12:20
Speaker 1: don't walk out one day and go, I don't think
12:23
Speaker 1: that's blue when you're looking at the sky, Like you
12:25
Speaker 1: know it's blue because you know what the sky is
12:27
Speaker 1: because someone taught you at some stage, and someone taught
12:30
Speaker 1: you that that color is blue. Now, if you'd never
12:33
Speaker 1: been given any information, you wouldn't know what the fuck
12:35
Speaker 1: it was. You'd recognize it, but you wouldn't know its name.
12:39
Speaker 1: And if you'd never heard about colors, you wouldn't know
12:41
Speaker 1: that it was blue. But just like you know that
12:43
Speaker 1: the sky is blue, when you are a Catholice, you
12:47
Speaker 1: know that the priest absolves or takes away your sins
12:51
Speaker 1: right and you never are given Nobody says, look, this
12:54
Speaker 1: is our working kind of idea. This is the working idea.
13:00
Speaker 1: We're not sure that it's true, but this is what
13:03
Speaker 1: we're going with, Craig, So look, you choose for yourself
13:07
Speaker 1: but this is this is our current take. Nobody says that.
13:11
Speaker 1: And so you grow up and this happens in you know,
13:14
Speaker 1: this happens with everything. This happens with you know, different
13:17
Speaker 1: kinds of relationships and friendship groups and vegans and carnivores
13:23
Speaker 1: and crossfitters and endurance athletes and strength athletes and Collingwood
13:27
Speaker 1: Football Club fans and Hawthorne you know, and so on
13:30
Speaker 1: and so on. It's just they're different groups of people
13:32
Speaker 1: who believe they're the best group essentially, or they're in
13:35
Speaker 1: the right group, as I've spoken about before. But yeah,
13:39
Speaker 1: it's it's an interesting thing. So for me, yeah, when
13:44
Speaker 1: and then when I started to think, I'm not sure
13:47
Speaker 1: about all this, Like if you're in a group and
13:51
Speaker 1: you question essentially the underlying basis or principles or ideas
13:57
Speaker 1: or philosophy or theology of the group, well you are
14:01
Speaker 1: definitely not encouraged to question, you know. And yeah, I
14:06
Speaker 1: just started it's like things just didn't make sense. I'm like,
14:10
Speaker 1: I'm not even trying to be difficult or rebellious, but
14:15
Speaker 1: like when I was young, young, it was a sin, right,
14:18
Speaker 1: it was a sin for women to walk on the altar,
14:23
Speaker 1: So that is the thing up the front of the church,
14:25
Speaker 1: the altar. It was a sin in Catholicism. And then
14:28
Speaker 1: one day I'm at church and then there's a lady
14:31
Speaker 1: up on the altar and I'm like, Mum, I'm in church.
14:35
Speaker 1: I don't know, I was maybe eight. I go, Mom,
14:37
Speaker 1: how come there's a lady on the altar. She goes, oh,
14:40
Speaker 1: that's not a sin anymore. I'm like, what, Yeah, no,
14:44
Speaker 1: the Pope changed it. I'm like, what do you mean?
14:47
Speaker 1: And I'm like, even I don't know how old I was,
14:49
Speaker 1: but I was young. I'm thinking, well, it's either a
14:51
Speaker 1: fucking sin or it's not. Like it's a sin on Tuesday,
14:55
Speaker 1: but it's not a sin on Wednesday? Did God sanction that? Did? Like?
15:00
Speaker 1: Who makes these decisions? And even then, I'm thinking, it
15:04
Speaker 1: feels like people make this up as they go, you know.
15:08
Speaker 1: And the problem even with this conversation right now is
15:12
Speaker 1: there are people that think, you know, our listeners understandably,
15:17
Speaker 1: just like me, they'll have a certain idea about I know,
15:20
Speaker 1: there really is a God and the Bible really is true,
15:22
Speaker 1: and there really is heaven and hell and judgment and
15:25
Speaker 1: eternal damnation and heaven, and you know, eternity with the father,
15:29
Speaker 1: or there isn't that's all bullshit, or there's an Yeah,
15:32
Speaker 1: it's kind of like that, Craig, but it's more specifically
15:35
Speaker 1: it's like this. And so you know, when people have
15:39
Speaker 1: their own absolute, you know, fixed idea of what is,
15:46
Speaker 1: then you know that's where we come in for all
15:49
Speaker 1: the bloody mayhem that we come in for, because people
15:52
Speaker 1: are not comfortable to say, this is what I believe,
15:56
Speaker 1: but I could be wrong, and you know that's hard.
16:01
Speaker 1: It's like there's been many like I have been wrong
16:04
Speaker 1: many times, and there are still things right now twenty
16:08
Speaker 1: twenty four that I believe or I think they're true,
16:12
Speaker 1: but I also am aware that they might not be true.
16:16
Speaker 1: And the reason that I say that is because I've
16:18
Speaker 1: been wrong so many times, and you have to acknowledge, like,
16:22
Speaker 1: if you think that everything that you think is unequivocally right,
16:29
Speaker 1: then life is going to be hard for you or
16:31
Speaker 1: you're going to have a lot of conflict and confrontation.
16:34
Speaker 1: And also, at the risk of sounding judge, it's extremely
16:38
Speaker 1: arrogant and self righteous for you to think that all
16:42
Speaker 1: of your beliefs are true and correct and absolute, and
16:46
Speaker 1: everyone in the world who doesn't think like you is wrong.
16:49
Speaker 1: I don't know what is true, but this is what
16:51
Speaker 1: I believe. And by the way, I could be wrong,
16:54
Speaker 1: as I have been many times before.
16:57
Speaker 3: Do ever tell you that I worked a long time
17:00
Speaker 3: for a guy who was an exclusive Brethren.
17:04
Speaker 1: I've heard about them. That's like a pretty fundamental Christian sect.
17:09
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I worked for him. So they and at
17:12
Speaker 3: that time they were no tech. They weren't allowed to
17:15
Speaker 3: have TVs, mobile phones anything. I had three mobile phones.
17:20
Speaker 3: I worked for him doing websites. He had an IT
17:24
Speaker 3: and a website and a design company, right, and they
17:30
Speaker 3: weren't even allowed to have mobile phones.
17:32
Speaker 2: He had that whole company. That's what we did. And
17:34
Speaker 2: sometimes there would.
17:35
Speaker 3: Take us out for a company lunch, and the girls
17:38
Speaker 3: that worked for him. He would say, I need you
17:41
Speaker 3: guys to walk like three meters behind because if anyone
17:44
Speaker 3: from my church sees me, I'll get in a lot
17:46
Speaker 3: of trouble.
17:48
Speaker 1: So he's basically living a double life.
17:50
Speaker 3: Yeah, And then eventually I remember him one day saying, oh,
17:53
Speaker 3: mobile phones are allowed now, mobile phones, they're not banned
17:57
Speaker 3: in the religion anymore, because obviously someone in the Relijin
18:00
Speaker 3: decided that they they're not a sin.
18:03
Speaker 2: I don't know. It was really interesting.
18:05
Speaker 1: This is the thing is like when you behave a
18:07
Speaker 1: certain way when one group of people are looking, and
18:11
Speaker 1: then when they're not looking, you behave a certain another way.
18:15
Speaker 1: You know, at the very least you're not living your values,
18:18
Speaker 1: you know, in one area, in one of those groups.
18:21
Speaker 3: You know, Yeah, who's recently found the Good Lord Jesus?
18:29
Speaker 1: Jordan Peterson?
18:31
Speaker 2: Oh? Has he Russell Brandy follow him?
18:34
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's got the whole god thing. Do you know
18:37
Speaker 1: who baptized him in a river on his own property?
18:41
Speaker 1: Bear grills really really yeah? Wow, Yeah, he's getting higher
18:48
Speaker 1: on the Messiah fire. Old Russell. He's just he's just,
18:51
Speaker 1: you know, if loving the lord's wrong, I don't want
18:53
Speaker 1: to be right, brothers and sisters. He's he's going hard.
18:57
Speaker 1: I mean real hard, you know, I kind of you know,
19:03
Speaker 1: whether or not somebody is a Christian or an atheist,
19:05
Speaker 1: or a Muslim, or a Buddhist or a Seventh Adventist
19:09
Speaker 1: or a Mormon or a scientologist or whatever, or a
19:12
Speaker 1: fucking vegetarian. What I look at is one, are you
19:16
Speaker 1: doing any harm to anyone else? And if the answer
19:18
Speaker 1: is no, I'm like cool. And then what else I
19:21
Speaker 1: look at is what is the net result of this
19:24
Speaker 1: thing that you are now doing that you weren't doing?
19:28
Speaker 1: Is your life better? Without condoning or accepting, or supporting
19:34
Speaker 1: or saying whether or not he's right or wrong, I
19:37
Speaker 1: would look at him and you know, try to I guess,
19:43
Speaker 1: observe over time whether or not he his life and
19:47
Speaker 1: his output, and how the fuck I would measure that
19:50
Speaker 1: I don't know. But if he genuinely seems to be
19:52
Speaker 1: doing better things, doing better himself less, self absorbed, less selfish,
19:59
Speaker 1: less addictive, he's talk he talks about all this stuff
20:02
Speaker 1: all the time, then you go cool, Well for him,
20:05
Speaker 1: that is great. You know, there's another guy called Sam Harris.
20:09
Speaker 1: Have you heard of Sam Harris? So Sam Harris does
20:12
Speaker 1: very well, for the most part, very anti religion. But
20:16
Speaker 1: it's not just that he's he's he understands that some
20:20
Speaker 1: people get a lot of benefit from religion, but his
20:24
Speaker 1: against the fundamental We're absolutely right, they're absolutely wrong. And
20:30
Speaker 1: you know, because the truth is, the uncomfortable truth for
20:33
Speaker 1: religious people, including me, is that we don't have proof
20:38
Speaker 1: of a god, you know, and if we had absolute proof,
20:43
Speaker 1: then there would be no need for faith, because faith
20:46
Speaker 1: is literally believing in something for which you have no evidence.
20:50
Speaker 1: Right now, that doesn't mean there isn't a god. It
20:53
Speaker 1: just means that we all believe in or some of
20:56
Speaker 1: us believe in this, this deity, this entity. There's supernatural
21:01
Speaker 1: something that we can't and there's no consensus. By the way,
21:05
Speaker 1: four thousand religions refer to part one of the podcasts.
21:09
Speaker 1: You know, like, there's no consensus, there's only divergence and
21:13
Speaker 1: disagreement and separation, you know. So, But I think I
21:21
Speaker 1: think with whatever you know, whether or not it's strength
21:23
Speaker 1: training or Christianity, or whether or not it's living in
21:26
Speaker 1: a fucking kibbutz in Israel, or it's leaving a certain
21:30
Speaker 1: job and working in nature, I think, what is the
21:34
Speaker 1: thing that you were doing now that you weren't doing,
21:37
Speaker 1: and what is the net result in terms of the
21:39
Speaker 1: quality of your life and the quality of your physical, mental,
21:41
Speaker 1: and emotional health and also your impact on others.
21:46
Speaker 3: M I wonder like things like religion can become very
21:52
Speaker 3: all encompassing, and then that's what I think can shift
21:56
Speaker 3: your views or relationship with a lot of different things.
22:00
Speaker 2: And I think that's where it, like I noticed.
22:02
Speaker 3: I said to my one of my clients this morning,
22:04
Speaker 3: I said, I'm gonna have to unfollow a bunch of
22:07
Speaker 3: pages that I've been supporting on social media because like
22:13
Speaker 3: around violence against women and women's deaths and things, because
22:17
Speaker 3: there's been so much of it lately. And after seeing
22:19
Speaker 3: that dude in the flesh the other day, my internal reaction,
22:24
Speaker 3: it's just starting to give me this cognitive bias and
22:26
Speaker 3: this kind.
22:27
Speaker 1: Of you need to explain to people that dude in
22:29
Speaker 1: the flesh.
22:30
Speaker 2: Sorry.
22:31
Speaker 3: So I pulled up at the lights next to the
22:34
Speaker 3: man who was let out on bail, who was charged
22:38
Speaker 3: with hiding Isla Belle's Isla Belle Isla Belle's body after
22:43
Speaker 3: being murdered, and it's just it's really shifted me. And
22:46
Speaker 3: I've noticed that, and I was just like, it's making
22:49
Speaker 3: me angry, and it's and it's making me have reactions
22:53
Speaker 3: to things, and it's just kind of there's this underlying
22:57
Speaker 3: buzz there and I'm like, I'm just gonna have to
22:59
Speaker 3: unfollow all the pages that show me that stuff for
23:02
Speaker 3: a little while. Not that I don't support it or
23:05
Speaker 3: care about it, but I just, like I said, with religion,
23:09
Speaker 3: it's just it's becoming a bit all encompassing and making me,
23:13
Speaker 3: I don't know, it's interesting.
23:14
Speaker 1: Well, and I think also like we're not we're not
23:17
Speaker 1: pretending that those things don't happen. Of course they happen,
23:20
Speaker 1: and they're terrible, and you know, whatever we can do
23:24
Speaker 1: to support women in this and to stop all the
23:28
Speaker 1: evil bullshit. But I think there is and not just
23:32
Speaker 1: with that, but there is a danger when you look
23:35
Speaker 1: at the world through a certain lens all the time. Yeah,
23:38
Speaker 1: like that's the only lens you look through as the
23:41
Speaker 1: I don't fucking trust anyone lens and every every person
23:46
Speaker 1: is a potential predator and or every male And you know,
23:51
Speaker 1: part of me understands that. But it's going to be
23:53
Speaker 1: hard for humility to progress because you know, it's it's
23:58
Speaker 1: and so it's it's like, it's it's dichotomy because on
24:01
Speaker 1: the one hand, yes, we've got to be aware and
24:02
Speaker 1: we've got to keep pushing these messages, but also there
24:05
Speaker 1: are you know, there are some good men. Yeah, hopefully
24:09
Speaker 1: hopefully on one of them. You know, it's like and
24:12
Speaker 1: it's it's yeah, it is as like and also, and
24:19
Speaker 1: let me just say I think unequivocally women have it
24:22
Speaker 1: harder than men, so there's no sympathy being sought here.
24:26
Speaker 1: But men are still killing themselves three to one, you know,
24:29
Speaker 1: it's seventy five percent men committing suicide. And it's like this,
24:36
Speaker 1: It's like, yeah, but they're men. Though, It's like, well, yeah,
24:42
Speaker 1: I get it, but who's saying that. Well, it doesn't
24:46
Speaker 1: you know, it doesn't get much attention compared to the
24:51
Speaker 1: attention that that and like, firstly, all all the heinous
25:02
Speaker 1: stuff that's happening to women and girls, it needs all
25:04
Speaker 1: their attention, and it deserves all their attention. It should,
25:08
Speaker 1: but there's a and I could be wrong, but to me,
25:12
Speaker 1: it seems like if you're a man and you're talking
25:14
Speaker 1: about how hard it is to be a man, people like,
25:17
Speaker 1: fuck off. You're a man. And by the way, you're
25:19
Speaker 1: a white man and you're a middle aged man, so
25:21
Speaker 1: fuck off. But the truth is that men and women,
25:25
Speaker 1: children and adults, you know, all cultures, all religions, like,
25:30
Speaker 1: we're all humans and all people suffer, and it's not
25:34
Speaker 1: that one is less or more important. But you know,
25:38
Speaker 1: like I get a lot of messages from people saying,
25:45
Speaker 1: like the Jamie Steadman that we had on the other day,
25:48
Speaker 1: and it was great chat, and we're going to get
25:49
Speaker 1: him back and it's in a great and important conversation
25:52
Speaker 1: and we're going to have more. But I probably get
25:56
Speaker 1: fifty emails from people saying talk about that, do that,
26:00
Speaker 1: but maybe not one to fifty about men. It's like,
26:06
Speaker 1: and it isn't that men are more important at all,
26:09
Speaker 1: But I just think we need to have conversations all round,
26:13
Speaker 1: and we need to try to understand what's happening. You know,
26:19
Speaker 1: can I tell you an interesting story. I haven't told
26:21
Speaker 1: you this. No, I haven't told you this. So the
26:25
Speaker 1: other day I was doing one of my walks right,
26:29
Speaker 1: and to me, this is like, I don't even know
26:33
Speaker 1: I fuck it. This is just absolutely true. So however
26:36
Speaker 1: it comes out everyone, I'm not trying to make any
26:38
Speaker 1: particular point, but this is just my experience. So it
26:42
Speaker 1: was on Saturday, two days ago. I was walking down
26:45
Speaker 1: Hampton Street, so not far from where I live, and
26:49
Speaker 1: out in the front of St. Vincent de Paul, right, I
26:52
Speaker 1: had my headphones on so over your headphones and a
26:56
Speaker 1: smart past and I just kind of vaguely heard commotion,
27:00
Speaker 1: which is hard to hear with my earphones on, and
27:03
Speaker 1: I turned around and there was like what looked to
27:09
Speaker 1: be like a sixty ish year old lady wrestling with
27:14
Speaker 1: what looked like a thirty year old young man twenty
27:23
Speaker 1: five or something like skinny dude, glasses. Not the kind
27:29
Speaker 1: of guy that is going to be looking for a fight.
27:32
Speaker 1: I wouldn't think, right anyway, I'm looking and then she's
27:36
Speaker 1: screaming and he's like no. And then just I didn't
27:40
Speaker 1: know what was going on. And there's a cafe right there,
27:43
Speaker 1: and then this lady's over the face having a sandwich.
27:47
Speaker 1: He's got sandwich coming out of her mouth, and she
27:49
Speaker 1: starts screaming at the guy to stop attacking her and
27:53
Speaker 1: all this, and then all these people are screaming at
27:55
Speaker 1: this dude. And anyway, what happened was there was a
27:59
Speaker 1: really expense his handbag in the Saint Vincent de Paul,
28:03
Speaker 1: which was worth apparently thousands of dollars. It's like a
28:06
Speaker 1: designer bag that somebody must have. Anyway, this lady stole it.
28:11
Speaker 1: So this lady stole the handbag, and the dude was
28:15
Speaker 1: stopping the thief, right, So she was stealing this handbag,
28:21
Speaker 1: and one of the shop assistants, a lady asked him
28:24
Speaker 1: to stop her, to stop her stealing, so he followed
28:28
Speaker 1: her out and grabbed the bag. Now all everybody did
28:32
Speaker 1: was they wanted to beat up the dude, and I'm like,
28:36
Speaker 1: she was a thief. He was trying to stop a thief.
28:39
Speaker 1: But because he was a guy, everybody wanted to punch him.
28:43
Speaker 1: And I'm like, hang on, hang on, hang on, what's
28:45
Speaker 1: going on? Hang on? And then just as I kind
28:48
Speaker 1: of I didn't do anything, by the way, I didn't
28:49
Speaker 1: fix save anyone, but as I moved in, and then
28:53
Speaker 1: she just bolted, and I'm like, you don't always know
28:57
Speaker 1: the story, you know, And it's like, this poor little dude,
29:01
Speaker 1: he was borderline having a breakdown, and there's no way
29:04
Speaker 1: he would have intervened. And then this lady, fortunately, the
29:07
Speaker 1: lady in the store who asked him, she came out
29:10
Speaker 1: and said thank you, you're a hero and gave him
29:12
Speaker 1: a hug, and it was all good. But I'm like, yeah,
29:16
Speaker 1: because at the just initially like everybody was just ready
29:20
Speaker 1: to take this dude to the ground, but it was
29:23
Speaker 1: actually what everyone thought was going on wasn't going on,
29:26
Speaker 1: so you know, and of course I'm always going to
29:29
Speaker 1: default to protecting the woman, of course, of course, and
29:33
Speaker 1: I was ready to fucking grab him by the hair
29:35
Speaker 1: and pull him to the ground. And then but I
29:37
Speaker 1: didn't actually know what was going on. Yeah, and then
29:41
Speaker 1: I went ah, oh, so yeah, anyway, that was my Saturday.
29:46
Speaker 1: That's my Saturday.
29:47
Speaker 2: Watch a Saturday.
29:49
Speaker 1: I know, I know it's fucking busy. I've had a
29:52
Speaker 1: couple of I've had I know, we've got about five
29:54
Speaker 1: minutes ago. I've had an interesting I had a meeting
29:58
Speaker 1: last night with my told you, with my supervisor, Christian,
30:03
Speaker 1: and I've got about six months to go. You know,
30:05
Speaker 1: Christian trains at the gym. I've got about six months
30:09
Speaker 1: to go. Now. It's fair to say everyone, I haven't
30:14
Speaker 1: been breaking any academic records. It's like if my PhD
30:22
Speaker 1: is everest. I'm about one hundred meters above base camp.
30:30
Speaker 1: And while I have made progress, I mean, I've look
30:34
Speaker 1: in my defense, your honor, I've all the research that
30:38
Speaker 1: I had to do, the studies I had to conduct,
30:40
Speaker 1: I've conducted them. You have to pass for academic milestones.
30:43
Speaker 1: I've passed all them in front of a board. But
30:46
Speaker 1: I'm on the home straight in that I need to
30:49
Speaker 1: be writing up everything I need to be writing a
30:51
Speaker 1: systematic literature view a couple of empirical papers. That just
30:55
Speaker 1: means a research paper that you write explaining and dissecting
30:59
Speaker 1: the research that you did, so two of them, and
31:02
Speaker 1: then a thesis, which is basically the story of my
31:05
Speaker 1: entire PhD journey. Let's just stay tiff. Based on where
31:11
Speaker 1: I'm at, I've probably got a good twelve to eight
31:14
Speaker 1: month's work left and it's all got to be handed
31:18
Speaker 1: in in six months. So let's also say that Christian
31:22
Speaker 1: kind of in the nicest way possible when get your
31:27
Speaker 1: shit together, like get your shit together, and he's literally
31:33
Speaker 1: said to me, how many hours every day can you
31:36
Speaker 1: commit to your PhD? Like how many days? And it's
31:42
Speaker 1: like pretty much, you said to me, you need to
31:44
Speaker 1: be doing four to six hours, seven days a week
31:46
Speaker 1: for the next six months. And I'm like, I know,
31:50
Speaker 1: I know, So today was I mean, I've been working.
31:53
Speaker 1: It's just and it's no excuse, but the problem is me.
31:57
Speaker 1: But I do work full time, and I do do
31:59
Speaker 1: seven podcast a week, and I do fly around Australia,
32:01
Speaker 1: and I have probably bitten off more than I can
32:04
Speaker 1: chew a little bit. But nonetheless, so I got reprimanded
32:07
Speaker 1: by in a nice way but totally deserving. Right, I
32:12
Speaker 1: am one hundred percent the fault at the problem and
32:17
Speaker 1: then the other night or the other day. This is confession, right,
32:22
Speaker 1: So we're back to part two of the episode confession,
32:25
Speaker 1: so it comes to full circle. I don't even yeah,
32:30
Speaker 1: I just want to share this because I felt bad
32:33
Speaker 1: for two days, fucking terrible, right, So I'll tell you
32:40
Speaker 1: who if faired, but I'm not going to on air.
32:41
Speaker 1: So I am chatting with some friends of mine, a couple,
32:47
Speaker 1: and I said something that was It was said in jest,
32:53
Speaker 1: but it was me. Remember I told you when I
32:58
Speaker 1: was young, I had this whole wise dude in my
33:01
Speaker 1: life said to me, you know, you need to be
33:02
Speaker 1: careful with your mouth because you can build.
33:04
Speaker 2: People up or tear them down.
33:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, tear them down. And I'm like, yeah, I know,
33:09
Speaker 1: and and I and I spend my life trying to
33:15
Speaker 1: encourage and support people and build them up, and I
33:17
Speaker 1: feel like that's my mission. But sometimes like a little
33:21
Speaker 1: door opens and I'll be a smart ass or I'll
33:24
Speaker 1: crack it whatever. That in hindsight, right, So I did that.
33:28
Speaker 1: I said something and one hundred percent my bad wasn't
33:33
Speaker 1: meant to be hurtful, wasn't meant to be but looking
33:36
Speaker 1: back now, it was, it was, and I felt bad
33:43
Speaker 1: to it. I apologized, and I even I've sent two
33:47
Speaker 1: messages apologizing and also apologized in the moment, like seventeen
33:52
Speaker 1: seconds later. But you know when you're just like, I'm
33:54
Speaker 1: one hundred percent at fault. I fucked up. I've been
33:58
Speaker 1: hating myself for two days because I'm like, I'm the
34:02
Speaker 1: guy who tells you how to be aware of how
34:05
Speaker 1: you're coming across, Like that's literally your fucking PhD, you idiot,
34:11
Speaker 1: And I just said something that, when in my head
34:14
Speaker 1: and coming out of my mouth, was meant to be
34:19
Speaker 1: like a bit of the equivalent of a verbal punch
34:21
Speaker 1: on the shoulder, you know whatever. But it wasn't. It wasn't,
34:25
Speaker 1: and there was yeah, And once it's done, you can't
34:28
Speaker 1: undo it. And so that's my little confession. I feel
34:34
Speaker 1: fucking terrible. Anyway. All I can do to fix it
34:37
Speaker 1: I've done. I've sent multiple messages apologized and human.
34:43
Speaker 3: If there's one thing that I say, it is people
34:47
Speaker 3: in my life can make any mistake as long as
34:52
Speaker 3: they own up to it and fix it.
34:56
Speaker 2: And be honest.
34:58
Speaker 3: But I can't tolerate stuff behind you know, behind your back,
35:02
Speaker 3: or being sad or or you know, like untruths, and
35:06
Speaker 3: so I think completely forgivable, especially see seventeen seconds lady.
35:10
Speaker 2: I went, oh, that's I knew.
35:13
Speaker 1: I knew and then I saw that. So it's a couple.
35:17
Speaker 1: I saw the look on her face and I went, oh,
35:20
Speaker 1: that did not that wasn't And it wasn't. It wasn't like, oh,
35:25
Speaker 1: she just took it the wrong way. Oh you know,
35:28
Speaker 1: it wasn't that. It was me. It was all me,
35:30
Speaker 1: and I totally own it.
35:31
Speaker 2: We got on you for owning up and got on
35:33
Speaker 2: you for Yeah, I think that take could be, but
35:37
Speaker 2: it still does. To deflect.
35:38
Speaker 3: It's really easy to deflect and go they're precious. It's
35:42
Speaker 3: easy to say that than to say I shouldn't have
35:45
Speaker 3: done that and I'm sorry.
35:46
Speaker 1: Yeah that look I know, I mean, but I hope
35:51
Speaker 1: I do that all the time, like when I fuck up,
35:52
Speaker 1: which is less these days than I used to, but
35:55
Speaker 1: I still fuck up. And I you know, I think
35:59
Speaker 1: that that part of the you know, part of what
36:03
Speaker 1: we're about, which is personal and professional development and you know,
36:07
Speaker 1: whatever it is. The human experience. If you don't ever
36:11
Speaker 1: fuck up, or you don't ever own up to fucking up,
36:13
Speaker 1: then you probably fuck up a lot, you know, and
36:17
Speaker 1: you probably deluded. But I feel bad that I did it,
36:22
Speaker 1: But I feel more bad that I hurt her. I
36:25
Speaker 1: fucking hate hurting people, and I did. I heard her,
36:28
Speaker 1: I heard her feelings, and yeah, I fuck if I
36:31
Speaker 1: could take back that moment in time, which I can't.
36:35
Speaker 1: But anyway, so that's me off to the rumor mirrors
36:38
Speaker 1: for a fucking look at myself again.
36:41
Speaker 3: I'd give you your penance, but I don't know any
36:46
Speaker 3: nursery rhymes or something.
36:49
Speaker 1: All right, and what's on for you for the rest
36:50
Speaker 1: of day.
36:51
Speaker 3: I got a knuckle down and catch up on all
36:53
Speaker 3: this lost time. I've just got to do some planning
36:55
Speaker 3: and editing and.
36:57
Speaker 2: Grown up stuff.
37:00
Speaker 1: Well goodye gum drops, all right, Well thanks for listening.
37:04
Speaker 1: Father tiff.
37:07
Speaker 2: It's my pleasure. Son.
37:09
Speaker 1: Say three Hail Marys and funk off your little sinner,
37:12
Speaker 1: your little sinner, dirty little sinner. Oh it's so funny.
37:20
Speaker 1: Now when I think back, literally, it doesn't matter. I
37:23
Speaker 1: can't say I can't. I'm going to get in trouble again.
37:26
Speaker 1: Fucking hell, I'm gonna have to get I'm gonna have
37:28
Speaker 1: to filter myself more. I'll tell you, I'll tell you
37:33
Speaker 1: our air. We're probably losing buddy listeners that are rapid
37:36
Speaker 1: rad as we speak.
37:38
Speaker 2: Thanks TIV, Thanks Harps, Thanks everyone,