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NCIHS NF The Search Review · ABJ

• 0:17
  Hey, what's going on everybody? We're back for another ABJ
• 0:20
  podcast, Not cool. In high school edition.
• 0:23
  We're going to be covering the rapper NF and the album The
• 0:26
  Search. So this is an album that was
• 0:28
  picked by my Co host today on camera.
• 0:30
  Lily. I don't know anything or much
• 0:34
  about NFI. Think I may have heard a song
• 0:36
  here and there. Nothing that I've like really
• 0:39
  sat and consumed or or gave an honest opinion or an honest try
• 0:43
  for. This is an artist that a lot of
• 0:46
  people have, like, hey, give me an album to review.
• 0:48
  And NF has come up a few times. People say I would probably like
• 0:53
  them. I should listen to them.
• 0:56
  Yeah. So Full disclosure, today was
• 1:00
  the day was weird. We recorded Chapel Roan, Chapel
• 1:05
  Roan. And then I passed out for a
• 1:08
  while. I need, like, a mental recharge.
• 1:10
  Not because of the music. I just think life and the
• 1:12
  weekend and all that. And then I woke up to a video of
• 1:17
  my past and yeah, I'm kind of in my feels a little bit.
• 1:20
  So I'm sipping on a little something right now while we do
• 1:23
  this, which is probably a terrible idea because Lily said
• 1:26
  this song is going to tug at a lot of heartstrings.
• 1:28
  So. This album, yeah.
• 1:29
  I'm going to try not to cry today.
• 1:32
  I chose this album, and one of the reasons I chose this album
• 1:36
  is because when it came out was around the time that I moved to
• 1:40
  Texas. So I was going through like a
• 1:41
  really, really, really difficult time in my life.
• 1:45
  And it came out a few months after I moved to Texas, but I
• 1:48
  didn't really start consuming it until I was moving back this
• 1:51
  way. But it, it, I feel like I've
• 1:54
  said it, I told you earlier, I feel like there's a few albums
• 1:58
  that I listened to by NF that I really feel like helped save me.
• 2:01
  Like I it means a lot to me. Yeah, I guess I don't know much
• 2:05
  about NF, but a lot of stuff I'm going to be reading here is
• 2:08
  going to be based off of Wikipedia, and we all know that
• 2:10
  that is not always reliable, so don't hold me to it.
• 2:13
  Nathan John Fernenstein Fernstein born March 30th 1991
• 2:19
  is known as NF style as as N Black backwards NF American
• 2:24
  rapper, singer-songwriter and record producer.
• 2:26
  He has released 2 EPS I'm Free and is self-titled in 2014 with
• 2:30
  Capital CGM. His 2nd and 1st major record
• 2:35
  studio album, Mansion Mansion. It was released in March 21st,
• 2:40
  2015. His third student album, Therapy
• 2:42
  Session, was released in April 2016 and he peaked at #12 on the
• 2:46
  Billboard Music charts. His albums have been I've earned
• 2:50
  several accolades with some haven't, included the Gospel
• 2:54
  Music Association, Double Ward for Rapid Hip Hop album year,
• 2:58
  the Year Therapy Session in 2016 and Rap Hip Hop recorded Song of
• 3:02
  the year Oh Lord in 2017. So that's where I had my
• 3:05
  disconnect with Anna. But you haven't even heard the
• 3:07
  song. Oh Lord, that was my I wish you
• 3:09
  would just even give it a shot. And.
• 3:11
  You're going to say. Some of the stuff in my past has
• 3:14
  a lot to do with church and religion because the where I
• 3:19
  kind of fell into a little thing.
• 3:20
  Today I got to see an older video of a woman I called Mom.
• 3:24
  I loved her a lot. A lot of my brothers were not
• 3:26
  connected as we used to before and I hope that changes.
• 3:30
  But yeah, so he is. He is more known as a gospel
• 3:34
  rapper, right? No cursing.
• 3:35
  No. Yeah, I feel like you have such
• 3:38
  a negative. Context negative.
• 3:39
  What you think that it is? I just I, I just don't want to
• 3:42
  be preachy. It's it's not.
• 3:44
  It's not at all. But you haven't given it that
• 3:47
  shot because all you've heard is gospel, and you take gospel to
• 3:50
  the Bible, Thumper. I'm gonna drink a double shot of
• 3:54
  whiskey while listening to a gospel.
• 3:55
  You're not. You're not drinking a double
• 3:57
  shot of whiskey, you're drinking a double shot.
• 3:59
  Mixed drink. Mixed drink.
• 4:00
  It's different if it was just a straight double shot, Yeah.
• 4:05
  Yeah, So this album is called The Search.
• 4:09
  It is. It's pretty popular. 20 songs
• 4:12
  we'll be listening to on Spotify.
• 4:14
  It is fourth studio album. It was released January 26th,
• 4:18
  2019 through NF Real Music and Caroline Was.
• 4:21
  It preceded the singles Why the search when I grew up in time.
• 4:25
  It features a soul collaboration, only one
• 4:27
  collaboration on the entire album which is pretty
• 4:29
  interesting with Sasha and Alex Sloan and trying to see what
• 4:36
  else we got here. It had mixed reviews from music
• 4:40
  critics, and it debuted in the Billboards Top 200, becoming NF
• 4:44
  second number one album, US number one album, And it's a
• 4:49
  follow up to his 2017 perception.
• 4:52
  So what? We'll go through a little more
• 4:53
  of that as we go. Like I said, I'm coming in
• 4:56
  completely blind. Some of the song titles, Here's
• 4:59
  the search. Leave me alone changes my
• 5:01
  stress. Nate time returns when I grow
• 5:04
  up. Only that's a Sasha Sloan
• 5:06
  collaboration. Let me go interlude hate myself.
• 5:09
  I miss these days. No excuses like this.
• 5:12
  Opinions why? Thinking trauma.
• 5:15
  And then the last track is going to be time edited version.
• 5:21
  Yeah, alright, so that's pretty much all I got.
• 5:23
  Before we get into anything, why did you you said you kind of
• 5:26
  told us why you picked this one. I kind of buried, just say.
• 5:29
  One other thing really quick how do you feel about Skillet the
• 5:32
  band Skillet? I don't really haven't really
• 5:34
  listened to them like. That, but you know, like a few
• 5:36
  of their songs, right? Yeah, yeah, it's more EDM,
• 5:38
  right? It's.
• 5:40
  Not Skrillex, Skillet, Skillet the band.
• 5:42
  There's a monster in my head. I'm trying to think of other
• 5:45
  songs by them. They they are like mainstream.
• 5:47
  I don't know. However, they're considered a
• 5:49
  gospel and it's just like, I wish, I just wish you wouldn't
• 5:53
  imagine, like I wish it wasn't a specific connection that like,
• 5:58
  we're going to be talking about God because we're not going to
• 6:00
  be talking about God. The thing about NF is that he's
• 6:03
  talking his connection, his his religion doesn't necessarily
• 6:09
  pour into these songs as much as he's just trying to be open
• 6:12
  about his mental health and like, hey, let's look at this
• 6:15
  from a non, non judgmental point of view, OK?
• 6:17
  That's fair. I, I guess like when I
• 6:19
  disconnected with the what with that it comes to the, the church
• 6:22
  is bad experiences and just people in general just I think I
• 6:26
  think they're very judgy. I think that I think a lot of
• 6:28
  people who lead into religion are lazy and I think they pray
• 6:32
  instead of working for what they want.
• 6:33
  And I think they sit back and wait and wait for things to come
• 6:36
  to them. And they judge you based on how
• 6:37
  you live your life and they think they're better than you
• 6:39
  because you're not in faith and they are right.
• 6:42
  And I just that that kind of stuff rubbies in the wrong way.
• 6:45
  So and I feel like sometimes with music, people obviously put
• 6:49
  themselves out there in a different light than what they
• 6:51
  are. So if you're saying that's not
• 6:52
  what he does, then maybe, maybe I will enjoy this.
• 6:54
  I feel like you're going to heavily enjoy this but OK.
• 6:57
  Did you have other questions? No, no, I think that's pretty
• 6:59
  much it. When did you first hear about
• 7:02
  NF? When I did, I first heard about
• 7:04
  NF. I'll be honest, there's a few
• 7:08
  songs you're ready for this. There's a few songs from NF that
• 7:11
  I heard at the strip club when I was dancing.
• 7:14
  So yeah, there you go. Hail Satan.
• 7:17
  But though I, I really enjoyed his flow at first, because I, I
• 7:22
  would say that I'm not necessarily, I do kind of stick
• 7:25
  to one genre that I listen to like on the daily, which is
• 7:28
  alternative like rock music. But I feel that I'm well versed
• 7:32
  in a lot of different styles of music.
• 7:35
  And when I first heard NF, I'm like, yo, who is this guy?
• 7:39
  Like his flow is really good and he's very intelligent the way
• 7:42
  that he speaks. But then it took me a while to
• 7:45
  realize that I actually, it took me, it took me probably until
• 7:51
  his second album to realize that he even was as big of a
• 7:54
  Christian as he was. And then everyone being like, Oh
• 7:56
  my gosh, he doesn't curse. And then I'm like, wait a
• 7:58
  minute, let me go back and listen to the albums that I have
• 8:00
  because he's he's never cursed, not even once.
• 8:02
  Like he doesn't curse in his raps.
• 8:03
  So that's. Smith don't go to curse in his
• 8:05
  rap to sell records. Well, I do.
• 8:08
  I didn't even hear you said. I said Will Smith don't have to
• 8:11
  curse in his rap to sell records.
• 8:12
  He's the Eminem versus I think another thing too, I think
• 8:16
  growing up as an Eminem fan and then seeing the backwards end
• 8:19
  and stuff, I think I was like, oh, there's going to be another
• 8:21
  white dude who tries to rap like Eminem.
• 8:23
  But I, I feel like just listen to it.
• 8:25
  Yeah, I'm not even going to argue with this.
• 8:27
  I'm not arguing. I'm not that it's an argument,
• 8:29
  but like, well, no, I mean, I don't think it's a disconnect,
• 8:32
  though, because I feel like, yeah, he's another white guy who
• 8:35
  raps really, really fast who's really, really intelligent.
• 8:38
  And why does that? Why is that a bad thing?
• 8:40
  Like why is that? It's not.
• 8:41
  It's not, It's social. Norms, but that's what I but
• 8:43
  when you're like, oh, this, this is just going to be another
• 8:45
  person trying to be Eminem. So what if it is?
• 8:48
  What if he is the next Eminem? Like he's good.
• 8:50
  Give it a shot. Sure, yeah, let's see how it
• 8:52
  goes. All right, so like I said, we'll
• 8:53
  be cutting back and forth and doing a lot of editing on this
• 8:56
  and and cutting out the music aspect.
• 8:58
  But we are going to listen to the first song called The Search
• 9:00
  and I'm going to have the lyrics up.
• 9:02
  This I think might be the most played song on the album.
• 9:06
  Just kind of skimming through it is. 600 grow up, sorry.
• 9:10
  No, not even close. This is the most listened to
• 9:13
  song with 663,000,000 plays. So I have just six. 163,000,000
• 9:20
  yeah 6 hundred 663,000,000 plays.
• 9:22
  For the record, he we're both going to read along with the
• 9:25
  lyrics. I feel like I know most of them,
• 9:27
  but I'm going to read along with them anyway.
• 9:29
  You're looking at it through Spotify.
• 9:30
  I'm looking at it through Amazon Music.
• 9:33
  So on Amazon, on Amazon Music, it doesn't actually tell me the
• 9:36
  amount of numbers played, but it gives me like a little
• 9:38
  highlighter bar that tells me which songs have been played the
• 9:41
  most. Yeah, Jesus, get back up here.
• 9:43
  Camera, What are you looking at? Your pervert?
• 9:46
  Jesus, we're listening to Christian music.
• 9:47
  God damn Camera, trying to look at my junk.
• 9:49
  All right, let's get into it. The search it's.
• 9:53
  The same wind going through the. I feel like they're in the in.
• 10:07
  All right, we're back. First song in the books.
• 10:10
  The Search is the highest played song in the album.
• 10:14
  It is the intro to the album. I think it is a intro song to
• 10:18
  the album. I think if like I think if
• 10:20
  you're conducting an album, this is a good intro.
• 10:22
  It kind of hypes you up. It gets you in the vibe, it gets
• 10:24
  you in the mood. It starts you bumping, which is
• 10:27
  good. I was waiting for it to start.
• 10:30
  Like I saw that if this is the most listened to in the song
• 10:33
  album on the album, I feel like that's probably one of the most
• 10:35
  popular songs in the album. I don't know if it is to be.
• 10:40
  I think time, time actually made it like to.
• 10:43
  I feel like it was on the billboards and everything, like
• 10:45
  it was on the radio and things like that.
• 10:47
  Whereas I don't think a lot of NF songs are on the radio.
• 10:50
  OK. So that like this song is a good
• 10:52
  intro to an album, but I don't know if it stands for me as a
• 10:54
  full song. Fair, if that makes sense.
• 10:56
  So what I was going to say is because you haven't listened to
• 10:59
  a lot of NF, there was a lot of callbacks in this.
• 11:02
  So he's talking about I feel like I should pack up and move
• 11:04
  out of my house. Like the house is getting really
• 11:06
  lonely. I'm dealing with this, this and
• 11:07
  that. And that's all talking about the
• 11:09
  LAT, the previous album, which was Mansion.
• 11:11
  Got you. Yeah, it's a fine, it's a fine
• 11:14
  intro song. I give it a 2.5 out of five.
• 11:17
  I think he, I think he does have a good flow.
• 11:18
  I think the beat was really cool.
• 11:20
  I think like there's no hook, there's no chorus, there's no
• 11:24
  like it's, it's if this is searching.
• 11:27
  For it, we're looking for that. No, he has choruses.
• 11:30
  OK, All right, so that's where I'll give you a 2.5.
• 11:33
  I think the lyricist is good, I think the flow is good, but I
• 11:36
  think when it comes to like what I'm saying, it's a good intro to
• 11:38
  the song, a good intro to the album.
• 11:40
  The song itself, like I said, it doesn't have a general song
• 11:43
  structure. There's no hook, there's no
• 11:44
  chorus. It's just it just sounds like 2
• 11:46
  really good like a set of good bars like a good freestyle bar
• 11:49
  or good just like get it off your chest bar because.
• 11:52
  What I will say about his albums is like kind of in the Slim
• 11:55
  Shady aspect where he would do the intro, the middle, the
• 11:58
  outro. NF kind of structures his album.
• 12:01
  There's an interlude in the middle.
• 12:02
  Yeah, it's very like I I wanted to compare it to Eminem a little
• 12:05
  bit. I don't want to do that to him.
• 12:07
  And he put him in that box, but he definitely seems like he's
• 12:10
  going to keep a theme to an album.
• 12:11
  And he's probably inspired by Eminem.
• 12:13
  I mean, who's not if you're a white dude in the hip hop
• 12:15
  community. But the yeah, it's a good intro,
• 12:21
  a good intro song, but I don't know if it stands on its own.
• 12:23
  All right, the next song has been called Leave Me Alone.
• 12:25
  165,000,000 plays now. I would just love to get just
• 12:30
  like. Really quick A frag A. 1000
• 12:32
  plays on any of my content, let alone 650 million.
• 12:35
  Jesus. Christ, I just want your opinion
• 12:36
  now, just from the one song. How do you feel about it being
• 12:39
  gospel? He hasn't really hit like he
• 12:43
  talks about his faith, but it's not like.
• 12:44
  But it's not like in your exactly.
• 12:46
  For now, we'll see. Well, let's go.
• 12:49
  He talked about smacking the crap out of someone in that one.
• 12:52
  Sure. I mean, you could be, you could
• 12:53
  be Christian and still smack somebody in the face.
• 12:55
  I mean, there's a lot of Christians who do worse.
• 12:57
  Do worse. Sorry Christians, I.
• 13:03
  Am messing. With it, I'm painting the
• 13:05
  lighting tonight. I, I, I don't know, I feel like
• 13:07
  I have a Dracula shadow on my face.
• 13:10
  I don't know, I I'll go back and look at it now.
• 13:12
  With the during this next song and you can you can tell me.
• 13:15
  No, it's fine. I'm just going to leave it
• 13:16
  alone, all right? As you should leave it alone.
• 13:18
  I'm going to leave this light alone as I'm listening to this
• 13:20
  next song, Leave Me Alone by NF. All right, leave me alone on
• 13:28
  this one. How do you feel about it?
• 13:31
  Do you want me to give my thanks first?
• 13:33
  OK, so this song hit me really fucking hard when I first heard
• 13:37
  it. Like I said, so NF talks a lot
• 13:41
  about mental health, and at the point in time when I was
• 13:43
  listening to this, I was going through it and I was kind of
• 13:47
  discovering what I feel like. I'm still in the process of
• 13:51
  discovering what my triggers are.
• 13:52
  But I feel like this song specifically, there was there
• 13:55
  was something that I was going through that I was trying to
• 13:56
  open up with my partner at the time of like this is this is how
• 14:01
  I'm feeling. This is why I'm feeling this
• 14:02
  way. And I'm trying to explain it
• 14:04
  like this one thing that you're doing is triggering me and
• 14:08
  there's a reason behind it and whatever.
• 14:09
  And I'm trying to explain why. And you're like, yeah, well,
• 14:12
  whatever, just do it over there or like blowing it off.
• 14:15
  But you want me to open up and tell you things and then I'm
• 14:17
  trying to tell you these things and you're just going to
• 14:19
  continue to do the things that are counterproductive.
• 14:22
  So then just leave it if, if, if you're not going to help, then
• 14:25
  just bye, yeah. But not me, right?
• 14:29
  No. Not you, not you.
• 14:30
  Previous relationship. Previous relationship?
• 14:33
  I mean no. I, I feel like I'm very
• 14:36
  understanding. I no, you know how fucked up I
• 14:39
  am. I.
• 14:39
  Think, I think I think that's why you're so understanding.
• 14:42
  Respectfully, I feel like you you and I are both empathetic
• 14:45
  because we've been in similar situations or we we feel we
• 14:49
  understand what those feelings feel.
• 14:50
  Like, well, I also, I'm coming from a place where I, I, I, I
• 14:54
  know where I've probably lacked in a previous relationship where
• 14:57
  I probably wasn't there enough or being as understanding.
• 14:59
  And I think you're getting the benefits of me probably fucking
• 15:02
  up before, and I'm trying really hard to be that person.
• 15:05
  I mean this in the best way. I feel like that's that's growth
• 15:08
  though, like because we've, I think everyone has the
• 15:11
  opportunities to learn from their mistakes and also the
• 15:15
  opportunities to say, OK, I've seen this kind of emotional
• 15:21
  whatever with someone. Else and I want to work on it
• 15:23
  because I don't want to hurt somebody well.
• 15:25
  Yes. But what I was going to say that
• 15:27
  that isn't exactly what I was saying.
• 15:29
  What I was saying is, like, even for instance, I can look at past
• 15:33
  traumatic experience with is past traumatic experiences with
• 15:36
  other people or things that other people have gone through
• 15:39
  that may not have been happening to me directly, but I can see
• 15:44
  how it affected them. And whenever someone else is
• 15:47
  going through something similarly, I know how to better
• 15:49
  be there for them. Yeah.
• 15:50
  That's fair. So for me, this song, here's one
• 15:53
  thing I will say. I think people when you are in
• 15:55
  the faith and you are in the church and I can tell you this
• 15:59
  from personal experience growing up, I've always felt like my
• 16:01
  brain was different and I always felt like I had something wrong
• 16:03
  with me. And I also felt like I thought
• 16:05
  different than everybody and I couldn't just let fucking things
• 16:08
  go and I was over emotional and I did struggle.
• 16:10
  And maybe that is, you know, ADHD, maybe that because I'm not
• 16:15
  technically diagnosed. I was diagnosed when I was a
• 16:17
  kid. And then we just acted like it
• 16:19
  never happened. And it's, and it's been a
• 16:21
  situation where like if you ask my parents to this day, one will
• 16:25
  say, yes, you were diagnosed and the other will say it did not
• 16:27
  fucking happen. And that's not who you are.
• 16:29
  But like, I feel like there's some, I've always felt like my
• 16:32
  brain is fucking broken and I'm struggling and I'm always on the
• 16:34
  brink of a fucking breakdown, but I'm not allowed to
• 16:37
  breakdown. Because when you show emotion,
• 16:40
  you get in trouble or people don't like when you show
• 16:43
  emotion, especially men, especially men.
• 16:45
  If you open up and try to talk to your boys or just people in
• 16:49
  general, like people, people will push you away if you try to
• 16:51
  be open about how you feel and how you struggle and stuff
• 16:54
  because they don't want to deal with that.
• 16:56
  And I get that. And that sucks.
• 16:57
  And sometimes they're not your people and and they're not the
• 16:59
  people you should lean on. But there was a, there was a
• 17:02
  verse in this where he says, you know, I, I made my art and then
• 17:07
  I put it out to somebody and they didn't respond back.
• 17:09
  And they said. Oh and then when they did they
• 17:10
  said this song sucks. Because it kind of hurt their
• 17:13
  feelings because he was expressing how situations are
• 17:16
  bothering him and he's getting it out off his chest of like,
• 17:19
  yo, this is how like y'all are hurting me.
• 17:20
  And I, I as an artist myself, maybe not in the form of music,
• 17:25
  but like this podcast, this thing.
• 17:26
  And like I, I'm openly talking about how I, the way people do
• 17:30
  things bother me. And it's not an attack against
• 17:32
  them. It's just I have to either learn
• 17:33
  how to deal with what they do to me because they're not going to
• 17:36
  change and I have to adjust according to them and understand
• 17:39
  that that that's just who they are as people.
• 17:41
  And I have to learn to protect myself but still love them, if
• 17:44
  that makes sense. But like, I don't know, there's
• 17:46
  a lot of stuff in this song where it's just like staying
• 17:48
  true to yourself, making the music that you want to make,
• 17:50
  being honest with yourself, even though everyone around you is
• 17:52
  telling you don't be that person and stop acting out loud and
• 17:56
  stop, you know, let go of everything, man, everything's
• 17:59
  going to be OK, Just stop being that just stop being sad, stop
• 18:02
  being angry, stop being anxious. You know, like I wish I fucking
• 18:04
  could. And how is the analogy of like
• 18:07
  holding your balloons in front of your face and if I let them
• 18:09
  go, I'd be more afraid yes. Realistically, if I let go of
• 18:12
  these balloons, I let go of my doubts and insecurities and
• 18:15
  myself hate and everything that weighs me down that that your
• 18:19
  your burdens are also your comfort food.
• 18:21
  If. That makes sense.
• 18:22
  And and him holding on to his balloons is kind of like he
• 18:25
  always keeps them around to keep himself grounded that maybe.
• 18:28
  I don't know. So I think another thing that I
• 18:30
  kind of grabbed from that to go off of what you said is like he
• 18:34
  is talking about like his struggles with his mental health
• 18:37
  and things like of that nature and.
• 18:38
  The church, that's a no, no, you don't talk about that.
• 18:41
  Right. And like talking about your
• 18:43
  mental health issues inside the church is like people that's oh,
• 18:47
  that's a demon baby that'll get that out of your system like.
• 18:50
  I don't think it's that far anymore.
• 18:52
  I feel like things have listened.
• 18:54
  I'm not. I haven't been to church in a
• 18:56
  long time, but I don't think it. Even whenever I was exiting the
• 19:01
  church, I don't think it was that.
• 19:03
  I feel like people were more concerned.
• 19:06
  I feel like people are gaining more concern over mental health
• 19:09
  now. I don't.
• 19:10
  I think more people now in today's society look at mental
• 19:13
  health and and they politicize it and they see you as crazy and
• 19:16
  they see you as a problem. They see you as a bird and they
• 19:18
  see you as you. You're going to drain their
• 19:20
  energy and they just push you away.
• 19:22
  I'm being honest. OK, so but what I was saying as
• 19:28
  far as like the mental health goes, he is trying to express
• 19:33
  his mental health to someone in this song and they're telling
• 19:36
  him like, yeah, I want to hear about your struggles, but I
• 19:39
  don't think that they're really like, it's not a struggle for
• 19:41
  me. So it doesn't really matter to
• 19:42
  me. So you're on your own with that.
• 19:45
  And I feel like his, his thing there is like, hey, I'm trying
• 19:48
  to open up to you. And if you don't want me to,
• 19:50
  then fine. But don't continue to ask me
• 19:51
  about. Don't ask me why I'm like this
• 19:53
  when I tried to tell you. Yeah, totally, totally agree.
• 19:56
  I gave that one a three out of five.
• 19:58
  I would probably give that one a 3 1/2.
• 20:01
  I'm going. To go 3 1/2 as well.
• 20:03
  The next song I think is they kind of alluded to it a little
• 20:07
  bit in this song as well. They alluded it to the in the
• 20:10
  intro. I wrote a song about changes.
• 20:12
  You should listen to it for me. I'll let you just go ahead and
• 20:15
  play it. All right, well, that is our
• 20:16
  next song, change, so we'll see you in a minute.
• 20:19
  You're free. Speak all you want.
• 20:21
  OK. All right, we're back.
• 20:23
  Change. It's your.
• 20:25
  This is your album. Checks.
• 20:26
  I'm gonna have you started off here.
• 20:27
  Oh man, so this song, so OK, so this like I said, this album
• 20:36
  came out a few months after I moved to Texas and the I can
• 20:41
  remember the first time I heard this song and I was already
• 20:44
  feeling like I was at my lowest low and I felt like I got to
• 20:50
  Texas. I got there to handle some
• 20:54
  family business at 1st and then take care of my mental health as
• 20:58
  well. And I feel like by the time that
• 21:00
  I heard this song for the first time, I was ready to check out
• 21:04
  on life. And, and, and this was like such
• 21:07
  a slap in the face that like I had called my best friend at the
• 21:11
  time, I had very traumatic experience with my ex-boyfriend.
• 21:17
  He had, he had a drug issue, a drug problem.
• 21:21
  And he had actually, I didn't know this until months later,
• 21:26
  but he had a week prior to to listening to this song for the
• 21:29
  first time, he had spiked my coffee with drugs and ended up
• 21:34
  stealing about $1000 worth of drugs off of someone.
• 21:37
  And they came to our house and they raided it and they took my
• 21:41
  phone and I had a, a weapon for protection at the time that they
• 21:45
  took with them and my boyfriend with them and told me if I, if I
• 21:50
  left, that I was dead. If I tried to call anybody, I
• 21:52
  was dead. And I was just like laying in my
• 21:57
  room. I had my, my Amazon Echo
• 22:03
  attached and I was like just trying to calm myself down and,
• 22:05
  and music is always the thing to calm myself down.
• 22:07
  So I just had it like, you know, Alexa play my soundtrack and it
• 22:14
  it played this song was the first song that came on.
• 22:17
  And I just remember bawling like laying him in a bed that was
• 22:20
  trashed with all my stuff around it and thinking like this.
• 22:23
  Is it like, you got to get out of this?
• 22:25
  You you keep putting yourself in situations where you're trying
• 22:27
  to make yourself where you're trying to get better for your
• 22:30
  mental health, but you're not putting yourself in situations
• 22:32
  that are good for your mental health.
• 22:34
  And so this this song really hit me, I think harder than any of
• 22:38
  the other songs on the album. I don't think it's one of the
• 22:40
  most played songs on the album, but this is like, this is that
• 22:44
  #5 song. This is one of those songs that
• 22:46
  I would say like and, and being someone who is not who was
• 22:50
  previously of the faith and isn't anymore.
• 22:54
  When I first listened to this song, he says last year, I felt
• 22:58
  suicidal. This year I might do something
• 23:00
  differently, talking to God more.
• 23:02
  I didn't take that as I should talk to God as in like the God,
• 23:05
  but I was sitting there like maybe I should find my
• 23:09
  spirituality again, find something that I can find
• 23:12
  positivity in and actually like this kind of was another one of
• 23:15
  those catapulting catalyst factors that got me into kind of
• 23:20
  exploring my my faith with other religions, so to speak.
• 23:24
  Yeah, I kind of get so far from his vibe and especially this
• 23:28
  song is I think he might be perceived as someone who's
• 23:31
  negative and who is sad and who is everything that you don't
• 23:34
  want. Like, oh man, I'm listening to
• 23:36
  fucking sad shit again. But I don't think he's rapping
• 23:38
  and talking about this to dwell on it.
• 23:41
  I think he's talking about it 'cause that's just how he
• 23:42
  generally feels. And I think if you experience
• 23:45
  that, I think it's different hearing someone talk about it
• 23:47
  than hearing if you don't experience depression or if
• 23:50
  you're someone who does, doesn't subscribe to it or you don't,
• 23:52
  like maybe you just don't suffer from it and stuff.
• 23:55
  And you just think everyone around you is weird, that
• 23:57
  they're just looking for attention 'cause there's a lot
• 23:59
  of people who are like that. And, and I can relate to a lot
• 24:02
  of things he's saying here, like where he's like, I'm waiting for
• 24:05
  something bad to happen. I could snap any minute.
• 24:07
  I need change. Yeah, that's kind of easy to
• 24:09
  say, right? But difficult to do when I, when
• 24:11
  you feel like you hate life. And everyone around me thinks
• 24:13
  I'm a great guy, but I don't even think so.
• 24:15
  So I think I'm a fake liar. Like, I relate heavily to that.
• 24:18
  Like everyone around you, like, yo, you're killing it.
• 24:19
  You're doing amazing. I love what you're doing.
• 24:21
  But like, it's like, I don't believe you.
• 24:22
  Like no matter how much positive affirmation I get on anything,
• 24:25
  it's just I because I've been told so long that you'll never
• 24:29
  amount to nothing. You are nothing.
• 24:31
  Like you're better off helping other people and shouldn't be
• 24:33
  yourself. Like it's hard to break that.
• 24:35
  Like it really is. I'm not saying you were ever
• 24:37
  told. Like that's kind of what I feel
• 24:39
  from it when I I feel like a who here we go on the personal
• 24:43
  trauma. I feel like a lot as a kid, I
• 24:45
  was told that I wasn't doing this enough or I wasn't doing
• 24:47
  that enough or I wasn't being good enough or I wasn't smart
• 24:49
  enough or I wasn't picking clean enough or whatever it was.
• 24:53
  And I feel like I've kind of carried that with me my whole
• 24:55
  whole life is like, OK, well, what am I doing?
• 24:58
  That's not enough? What am I doing that's wrong?
• 25:00
  And it doesn't exactly like you said, people could sit there and
• 25:03
  be like, you're great, you're amazing.
• 25:04
  And but the whole time I'm thinking, yeah, but it's not
• 25:06
  enough. Or oppositely, I'm either not
• 25:09
  enough or I'm too much. And I don't know how to do how
• 25:12
  to get that happy medium. And I feel like this song really
• 25:15
  was like, it doesn't even matter what that is like.
• 25:17
  You got to figure out how to be the positive positivity in you.
• 25:21
  Yeah, the next verse, there is something that I know I should
• 25:23
  do. I'm a little uncomfortable, to
• 25:25
  tell you the truth, but honestly, with you lately, I got
• 25:27
  nothing to lose. I feel like I've been a full of
• 25:29
  pain. Now I'm trying to make some room
• 25:31
  like that's. I feel that so hard.
• 25:33
  Like I know a lot of people who support me and a lot of people
• 25:36
  who maybe like me but think I'm doing the wrong things by
• 25:40
  opening up more of my mental health and I shouldn't talk
• 25:43
  about it and I should not make my posts where I open.
• 25:46
  I'm not a good writer, but I I can't convey myself unless I'm
• 25:49
  speaking. And sometimes even when I'm
• 25:50
  speaking I can't because I'm afraid I'm more or less thinking
• 25:52
  how other people are going to perceive me if I open up and
• 25:55
  tell you how I feel rather than just be myself.
• 25:57
  And I have to. That's the change I'm trying to
• 25:59
  make. And and I and I feel like for
• 26:02
  every three people who come up to me and say, stop putting your
• 26:04
  feelings out there, there's another six who come up to me
• 26:07
  and be like, yo, I love your honesty and that's what drives
• 26:09
  me to you. I love how I can see you trying
• 26:11
  to change. And it inspires me to do the
• 26:12
  same thing. So like, yeah, I feel that.
• 26:15
  I thought it was a good song. I'm going to give this a four
• 26:17
  out of five and. So there's another lyric in
• 26:20
  there that I wanted to revisit. OK, at the very, the very, very
• 26:27
  first, the very beginning, he says, I don't do drugs, but I'm
• 26:29
  addicted to the pain, though I've been on it for a while.
• 26:32
  I don't know how to put it down, but it's a habit I'm a have to
• 26:34
  break. And like I feel like that
• 26:37
  doesn't get talked about a lot. Is that like I feel like people
• 26:40
  are saying, not that people are saying this, but I feel like it
• 26:43
  gets taken a lot of, hey, I'm trying to express my pain to
• 26:47
  you. And kind of like what you said,
• 26:49
  like people just see it as like, oh, you're just being
• 26:50
  depressing. I don't want to listen to this
• 26:52
  all the time, but it's like, hey, I'm not, I'm not addicted
• 26:55
  to feeling that pain, but I know what it feels like.
• 26:58
  And I've been feeling it for so long that I just want to share
• 27:00
  it with someone. I want to have, I want to get
• 27:02
  rid of it. I want to let go of it, but it's
• 27:04
  really hard for me to let go of it.
• 27:06
  I think when it comes to mental health, I bet on the toxic side
• 27:10
  of, and I don't want to always say toxic because everyone
• 27:11
  handles things differently and everyone does things differently
• 27:14
  when it comes to it. But like I think there is that
• 27:16
  group of people who are just like, yo, just let it go and
• 27:18
  it'll, you'll feel better and it'll be fine.
• 27:19
  Just let go of it, let go of it, let go of it and move on.
• 27:22
  And it's like, sure, that's fine.
• 27:23
  But like if you don't deal with it or try to deal with it, it'll
• 27:27
  always come back. It will like if you just bury it
• 27:29
  deep down the side and keep adding more layers on top and
• 27:32
  you're going to, you're going to crumble.
• 27:33
  You're, you're not, you're, you have to start breaking away at
• 27:36
  it and destroying it and destroying it within is you have
• 27:39
  to deal with it. You have to face it head on.
• 27:41
  And that sucks. And that sparks on a lot of
• 27:43
  trauma and negativity. But the biggest thing I will say
• 27:46
  with mental health, at least for me, that that works for me is,
• 27:48
  is I have to had it hit it straight on.
• 27:50
  I have to openly verbalize it. I have to hold myself
• 27:52
  accountable. I use this content to do that.
• 27:55
  And like I said, it may not be for everybody, but it, it, I may
• 27:59
  not get the views and stuff I want, but for me, it's therapy.
• 28:02
  It's for me, it's putting it out there, but like I, I'm dealing
• 28:05
  with a lot of it. I'm getting through it and I,
• 28:08
  but I, the biggest thing I'm trying to say is you have to be
• 28:10
  self aware. You have to be self aware.
• 28:12
  You are depressed and you have to actively work to get yourself
• 28:14
  out of it. And if it is talking, if it is
• 28:16
  something but you, that's all that that burdens on you and on
• 28:18
  you alone. And you can go get help and seek
• 28:21
  help and find those people and then go to a professional.
• 28:23
  Because sometimes your friends and family don't be the one who
• 28:25
  aren't the ones to talk to because they don't know how to
• 28:28
  deal with it either. But it does have to come with
• 28:31
  self-awareness. Absolutely.
• 28:33
  I was. I was institutionalized at 18.
• 28:36
  And when I say that, I mean I was brought to that place.
• 28:40
  I didn't go there because I wanted to.
• 28:42
  I was brought to that place. I was checked in.
• 28:44
  I was, I stayed there for almost 2 weeks.
• 28:47
  It didn't mean a damn thing. There we were ten years later,
• 28:51
  around the time this album came. After this album came out,
• 28:54
  actually I went and checked myself in maybe about six months
• 28:58
  after I first listened to this album.
• 29:00
  I was like, OK, I need that. I'm I'm ready for that change
• 29:03
  now. I'm ready to be on medication.
• 29:04
  I'm now ready to hear that help from those professionals that I
• 29:08
  already freaking could have listened to 10 years ago.
• 29:11
  But I wasn't ready to sit with it.
• 29:13
  I needed to sit with my pain and, and figure it out myself
• 29:18
  and say that I was ready to, to, to heal instead of just being
• 29:21
  like, well, I, I kind of feel like a lot of the time between
• 29:25
  those 10 years, between my first mental health, my mental
• 29:29
  staycation and my last one, there was a lot that I could
• 29:33
  have taken into, but I wanted to be upset.
• 29:36
  I wanted to be crazy. I wanted to be like, you know
• 29:40
  what? Everything's everyone else's
• 29:41
  fault and it's ever it's I, I'm not the reason I'm crazy and
• 29:45
  that's still true. I'm not the reason I'm crazy,
• 29:47
  but I am the reason for it. Like whatever I do has
• 29:51
  repercussions. Whatever happened to me that
• 29:54
  caused me to be this way does not affect everyone else, but
• 29:57
  how I act and and with my mental health does affect every.
• 30:00
  I, I, this is going to sound weird.
• 30:02
  I fantasize sometimes about checking myself in and going
• 30:06
  away for a couple days and just disappearing and checking my
• 30:08
  phone out and just being away and just go in somewhere where I
• 30:11
  know people are experienced and we'll do that.
• 30:13
  But I also think this the situation, the situation or the
• 30:16
  mental or the, the way I think that like going to five P or
• 30:20
  that like it's always been looked at as a negative
• 30:22
  connotation. Like if you go there, you're
• 30:23
  crazy, you're bad. That's not good.
• 30:25
  It's almost like the ER for mental health.
• 30:28
  It's like you only go there if it's an emergency and you never
• 30:31
  know when an emergency is like even when you should go to the
• 30:33
  ER and get stitches, you're like, oh, blew this up.
• 30:36
  You know what I mean? Like it's almost like that
• 30:37
  mentality of like, I'm not going to the hospital, I'm not going
• 30:40
  for help. But like, maybe, I don't know,
• 30:43
  maybe they should, we should normalize it more of like, hey,
• 30:45
  if you feel like you're at a breaking point, like maybe two
• 30:47
  or three days away and going and getting help and talking to
• 30:49
  somebody is good for you. But I don't, I don't know where
• 30:52
  I navigate on that. Like I'm still terrified I would
• 30:54
  never do it. But like, I don't go to therapy.
• 30:56
  I don't go to, I don't, I don't want to because honestly, when
• 30:59
  you check in, that puts they put that on your record too.
• 31:01
  And then when you want to better yourself, they're like, well,
• 31:03
  why did you go to a mental institution?
• 31:05
  Like, it's almost like. Like what?
• 31:07
  Better yourself. Like how?
• 31:08
  Like I don't in general. Like I just think it's deemed as
• 31:12
  like a negative thing if you go there.
• 31:14
  I guess here's my thing is who do you think is going to see
• 31:16
  that? And that doesn't go on your
• 31:19
  personal record. No, that's a HIPAA violation.
• 31:21
  That's that's completely, it's personal.
• 31:24
  Do you know who's asked me about me being in a mental health
• 31:28
  facility? My doctors, that's it.
• 31:30
  Anybody who I've worked with that's a therapist has asked me,
• 31:32
  have you had a stay like that? But like nobody work wise or
• 31:37
  anything else. And I've, like I said, I've,
• 31:38
  I've had two mental health stays.
• 31:39
  I had one in 2010 and most recently in 2020.
• 31:43
  Yeah. Interesting.
• 31:45
  Yeah. I don't know.
• 31:45
  I just think it's something that like, I don't know, just feel
• 31:48
  like going to a professional and talking, but then like I just
• 31:50
  maybe I just lack the trust of talking to a professional too.
• 31:52
  And like what? What if they fucking steer me
• 31:54
  the wrong way and give me something I don't want, you know
• 31:56
  what I mean? Or like, oh, they're just going
• 31:57
  to do like every other doctor doesn't just bury you with pills
• 32:00
  and you know what I mean? I don't know.
• 32:01
  I'm conflicted. So then you go to a psychiatrist
• 32:03
  or a psychologist instead, and they.
• 32:05
  Can't. Then you need health insurance
• 32:06
  and that's that's a whole other thing too.
• 32:08
  The last song of change, 148 million plays and we're going on
• 32:11
  to the next one at the 125 million plays called My Stress,
• 32:16
  My Stress. We're back.
• 32:20
  This is like this is. I like this song, but it's not
• 32:24
  one of the strongest ones on the album for me.
• 32:27
  This one's like, I feel. I feel it.
• 32:29
  Don't get me wrong, I get it. I get the feeling, especially
• 32:32
  because of like, I do have severe anxiety disorder and I do
• 32:36
  feel like I wish I could just go somewhere without being on meds.
• 32:39
  I wish I could just not have to worry about the worry that I'm
• 32:42
  going to have and like, I don't know, like overdoing it just by
• 32:47
  like, even like, OK, so you, you tell me we're going to go
• 32:49
  somewhere this weekend. I start thinking about it today
• 32:53
  and for the next week. I'm already stressing about
• 32:55
  everything that has to go perfectly before that day
• 32:57
  happens. Yeah, very much so.
• 33:00
  What stresses me out? Me me.
• 33:03
  No, I said. That stresses me out.
• 33:05
  Then oh, I thought you said what stresses me out.
• 33:06
  I'm just like me. Like, I guess this has nothing
• 33:11
  to do with the music, but like, that's why sometimes I'm just
• 33:13
  like, I don't want to leave you behind.
• 33:16
  But there are some days where I'm just like, I, I would like
• 33:17
  to just go and, and experience something because maybe I, I
• 33:20
  don't have to then make sure you're good the whole time as
• 33:22
  well. And then I can kind of let my
• 33:23
  inhibitions down and have an experience.
• 33:25
  But then I also feel bad that I left you behind.
• 33:26
  I know you want to go because you want to be with me.
• 33:28
  So it's like there's not bad. All of that struggle where your
• 33:31
  mental health and my mental health meet in the middle and
• 33:32
  we're trying to do better for each other.
• 33:35
  But also like, like just recently, like you've been going
• 33:37
  out and hanging out with friends and go on your own thing.
• 33:38
  You went to Pilgrim by yourself. Like I was like, that's good.
• 33:40
  Like I need you to go out and have those experiences and be
• 33:43
  solo where you're not. Maybe the whole time I'm texted
• 33:45
  you like. I mean, don't get me wrong, I
• 33:47
  was having a lot of fun too. I do have a.
• 33:48
  Lot, but it's just like, I don't know, I think it's nice I get a
• 33:51
  song at 3.5. I like it.
• 33:53
  I I, I really have nothing else to add to it.
• 33:55
  I think that's pretty self-explanatory.
• 33:56
  I thought the beats are good. The the IT comes out very like
• 34:00
  the beats are very in your face where the lyrics are more I
• 34:03
  don't know. It's hard to describe.
• 34:05
  Like it's very like aggressive aggressive, I guess you would
• 34:08
  say. I will say I.
• 34:09
  Didn't I'm sorry. Go ahead.
• 34:12
  When I did the Blinkman 2 album review I listened to it on my
• 34:14
  laptop computer and it was fine, but I definitely think listening
• 34:18
  over to the big PA system has been.
• 34:20
  Better. Because you feel like you feel
• 34:21
  more than music and it's a Kyra cloudy thing.
• 34:24
  So when we are listening to this, I'm playing a video my
• 34:25
  computer, but I have a giant PA system that I use that I go to
• 34:28
  Black Diamond and stuff with. And that's where we're how we're
• 34:31
  listening to it. And I feel like it kind of and
• 34:34
  it involves me more, if that makes sense.
• 34:37
  So something I wanted to say that we didn't really talk about
• 34:40
  on the last song for Change the Music component of it.
• 34:46
  Yes, he's a white man singing and I'm I'm almost certain he's
• 34:49
  from Canada. I could be wrong though, but the
• 34:53
  the last song had almost A to me.
• 34:58
  I don't want to say a slave song or like a prison song, but it
• 35:01
  had that like that. I don't know if you just like
• 35:05
  played like the 1st 10 seconds of change, you would know what I
• 35:08
  mean. Like it has that tempo of like
• 35:10
  I'm being caged in and I need to get out.
• 35:12
  And I, I feel like that was really well done in that song
• 35:16
  that like, yes, he's rapping over it, but the, the harmonies
• 35:19
  in the background of just that, like almost a woman in pain
• 35:23
  really speaks to me. OK, that.
• 35:25
  That's right. Well, a lot, some old gospel,
• 35:28
  especially like if you go to black church, a lot of the songs
• 35:31
  are like the hymns and stuff like that.
• 35:32
  Are those things are essentially slave songs of like they're
• 35:36
  almost like that Bob Marley redemption where you come from
• 35:38
  like extreme poverty and and, and and and the repression and
• 35:43
  stuff like. That or oppression.
• 35:44
  I I agree with you, but I guess to bring it to more modern Jesus
• 35:50
  walks by Kanye West, how it had that that just kind of that
• 35:55
  little bit of a riff, but it had it keeps the rhythm with.
• 35:58
  It, it's, it's weird because it's, I want to, I want to say
• 36:01
  some controversial stuff in the second light of the church was
• 36:03
  like when going, going to black church and, and being black
• 36:08
  with, like with black culture and experiencing black culture
• 36:11
  and also being white and, and learning what I've learned and
• 36:14
  then learning what they've learned and learning both sides
• 36:16
  of it. It's just like the Bible was
• 36:18
  used to hold people back of color and, and used to kind of
• 36:23
  control them of saying like, hey, like slavery, like you're
• 36:26
  doing it for God's will in certain parts of the Bible.
• 36:28
  And then also them using the Bible and using Jesus and God of
• 36:31
  their way out. You know what I mean?
• 36:33
  And it's, it's almost like a double edged sword where it's
• 36:36
  like one side of the book's telling you that you it's OK to
• 36:38
  be a slave and you should have paid master.
• 36:40
  And the book is very whitewashed and very white guy 1st and then
• 36:45
  but it's used also used in black culture to be their struggle and
• 36:48
  to be their fight and to be their, their vindication and
• 36:50
  their way out of using God in a higher power.
• 36:52
  So it's, it's interesting to me how both sides use it.
• 36:55
  But this next song on the track is going to be called Nate.
• 36:59
  We're only on track 5 of 20. So this is this is taking this
• 37:04
  is going to be a little bit longer.
• 37:05
  But this one has 81,000 plays. It is not the lowest one on the
• 37:11
  album, but it's pretty it's it's it's there not not breaking the
• 37:15
  100 million thing, which is insane.
• 37:18
  Like oh, it didn't bring 100 million, but only 85,000,000
• 37:21
  like insane. It's still pretty dope though.
• 37:24
  But Nate, here we go. Nate.
• 37:30
  Wow, that was a powerful one. Go.
• 37:34
  Ahead you. Want me to go?
• 37:37
  Yeah. I think it's it's what we talked
• 37:39
  about before, self realization. I think being self realized or
• 37:43
  self realizing that you where you struggle and what you're
• 37:45
  doing things. There are some lyrics in there
• 37:48
  that like you know, you, you kind of, I feel bad for you, but
• 37:52
  then I had to feel bad for me sometimes.
• 37:54
  Becoming what you want. It was what you're scared to be.
• 37:57
  That was a good lyric. Well, there's one that really
• 38:00
  stands out. Trying to find it here.
• 38:04
  Saying that you're real, but then you're the fakest.
• 38:07
  Oh yeah, you sail your, your, your perception is you're real,
• 38:09
  but then you also feel like you're being fake and doing it.
• 38:11
  I struggle with that all the time.
• 38:12
  Like I try to be unapologetically me, but then
• 38:15
  like, because I'm so in a, in a mind state of not not being
• 38:19
  stuck on my ways, but like being open to change my ways.
• 38:22
  I feel like I'm being fake because of I will counter flip
• 38:25
  things too, which I don't know that that I struggle with that,
• 38:28
  But there's another one too. I forget what he says, but
• 38:34
  essentially Nate, he's talking to himself.
• 38:36
  His name is Nathaniel. His.
• 38:39
  Name is Nate. Nate but he, I think is Nathan,
• 38:41
  Sorry, Nathan. So he is talking to himself.
• 38:45
  But there was a there was a lyric about like, if you think,
• 38:49
  if you think what he's going through and how he does this and
• 38:52
  you think he's he's negative now and he's perceiving and you're
• 38:55
  perceiving him as broken now. This is actually a better
• 38:58
  version of him. And you should have seen him in
• 38:59
  the past. And and that's what I was kind
• 39:01
  of, I had expression with someone recently where they're
• 39:03
  like, I, I'm not negative dude. I just put it out there because
• 39:06
  it makes me feel better and it's helping me grow.
• 39:09
  But like me openly talking about it isn't to bring you down.
• 39:12
  It's actually growth and you're perceiving it wrong because back
• 39:16
  in the day, I wouldn't have had the conversation.
• 39:18
  I would have buried it. I would have done on how I would
• 39:21
  have done unhealthy things to deal with my problems or cope
• 39:24
  with it, or I would have leaned into anger.
• 39:26
  And I, before I said before his to the music's very aggressive.
• 39:29
  And I think maybe that's the way he coped with a lot of it was
• 39:32
  aggression and anger and maybe fighting or being violent or
• 39:35
  whatever it may be. And now he's learning to use his
• 39:37
  art and his words instead of his actions and his emotions.
• 39:41
  And he's putting his emotions and actions into his music.
• 39:43
  But the way he conveys it is through more aggressive music,
• 39:47
  right? And I, I kind of relate to that
• 39:49
  too. I'm going to give this one a
• 39:50
  four to five. I think it's my favorite sign on
• 39:51
  the album so far. OK.
• 39:53
  Yeah, I, I really enjoy this one as well where he is kind of like
• 39:58
  having that exactly like he said.
• 40:00
  It's I guess I don't know if it's self realization or more of
• 40:02
  like reflection of like, yeah, things have been bad, but things
• 40:06
  have gotten a lot better and I'm not done yet.
• 40:09
  So like, don't count me out just because you think I'm just this
• 40:11
  negative person, because that negativity is what's fueling me.
• 40:14
  Yeah. All right.
• 40:16
  Well, let's get on to the next one time.
• 40:17
  Number six, this is probably, I don't know how many plays this
• 40:20
  one has, but this is one that didn't make it to the Radio 2.
• 40:23
  192,000 plays. It is the second highest on the
• 40:29
  album. Yeah.
• 40:32
  No, that's actually the third highest.
• 40:34
  OK. Third highest.
• 40:37
  Yeah, third highest. All right.
• 40:39
  Time, time. You wanna start?
• 40:44
  You want me to? Start.
• 40:44
  I won't cry. Go ahead.
• 40:46
  You go ahead. This is one of those songs that
• 40:52
  that I relate to as well. So I kind of said before, I'm
• 40:54
  not the easiest person to be with or be in a relationship
• 40:57
  with or put a lot of your stock and feelings into because I am a
• 41:00
  wreck. But I, I, I try my best to be a
• 41:03
  good person, but I'm just need time.
• 41:05
  I, I, I'm so I'm trying my best to do right by me and right by
• 41:09
  others. But yeah, it was a good song.
• 41:11
  I like it. It's a four to five for me.
• 41:13
  I like to beat. I like the upness.
• 41:14
  I like how it how you said it's more of a radio vibe.
• 41:17
  I dig it. Here's a question I have for you
• 41:20
  and. Maybe like can't stop crying.
• 41:22
  Maybe I'm, maybe I'm making it about myself here, but also
• 41:25
  like, why? Why did you, like a few other
• 41:29
  people who reached out to me, think I should listen to NF?
• 41:35
  Don't make this about you because I think you want to be
• 41:40
  more open about your mental health and I don't think you
• 41:42
  know how to do it. And I think that I think that
• 41:44
  you would connect a lot with him because I feel like I feel like
• 41:49
  his journey is very relatable for people who truly have mental
• 41:53
  health issues. And I feel like his diagnosis,
• 41:59
  I'm not, he's pretty open with, I'm not saying that I know all
• 42:02
  of his medical diagnosis, but I know he has OCD and then he's
• 42:06
  very open with his anxiety and his depression.
• 42:08
  And me with BPDI don't have all. First of all, there's nine
• 42:17
  symptoms of BPD. You only have to show five of
• 42:23
  them to be classified with BPD. There are 256 different
• 42:28
  combinations that you could have to have BPD.
• 42:31
  So it could look differently in everybody, but there's bits and
• 42:35
  pieces that you could pick up and other disorders.
• 42:37
  And I feel like a lot of what he talks about is relatable to
• 42:42
  people that maybe don't just have OCD or don't just have
• 42:46
  anxiety. But I think that, you know,
• 42:49
  knowing you, getting to know you and seeing your journey and
• 42:54
  seeing I've known you for closer to 10 years now, but knowing
• 43:01
  where you kind of started and like the struggles that you've
• 43:04
  had on your journey and your mental struggles being added to
• 43:08
  that. I think that NF was something
• 43:12
  that I wanted you to experience because I felt that it was
• 43:14
  something that you could first of all see that like, hey, it's
• 43:18
  OK to have those emotions and talk about them.
• 43:20
  And for two, just because you have those emotions and putting
• 43:24
  them out there doesn't mean that people are going to look at you
• 43:27
  in a negative light. People are going to find that
• 43:29
  connection to you. Like I find with NF, like many
• 43:32
  people find with NFI think you would find that connection with
• 43:35
  him, but I feel that you also exude a lot of things that he
• 43:39
  does as well. Like he, like you said, a lot of
• 43:42
  things can be perceived as negative.
• 43:44
  And that doesn't mean that that's who you are.
• 43:46
  You're just showing you're, you're bringing what's the word
• 43:50
  I'm looking like not advocating, but you're bringing light to a
• 43:53
  subject and you're, you're telling people and you're open
• 43:55
  about it. And that doesn't mean that
• 43:58
  you're just being negative. And you're saying that like, Oh
• 44:00
  yeah, this, this sucks. This happened to me.
• 44:02
  You're saying this sucks, this happened to me, and I'm going to
• 44:04
  keep fucking going? Yeah, no, I definitely I'm going
• 44:08
  into the 7th song. I feel more connected with him
• 44:10
  than I thought I thought I was going to.
• 44:12
  So for you out there listening when I used to put my snapchats
• 44:17
  out there saying what should I listen to you?
• 44:18
  What should I listen? And people said MFI think NF
• 44:21
  because I think you'd be connected to it and Lily who
• 44:24
  told me for a long time, but I didn't listen.
• 44:27
  Thank you, thank you. I'm already 7th songs and I
• 44:29
  enjoy it and time was one that like I feel good about it.
• 44:32
  So Time is one of those songs that I feel personally attacked
• 44:35
  but also like it makes me feel happy.
• 44:37
  It's one of those sad songs. Like all my favorite songs are
• 44:39
  slow and sad. You feel that acknowledgement
• 44:43
  almost like, yeah, this is. I'm not nuts.
• 44:46
  Right yeah this song for me is a lot with like I said I I am
• 44:52
  diagnosed with BPD but I self sabotage a lot and sure do.
• 44:57
  I mean I do too thanks. I do too.
• 45:00
  I'm definitely a self sabotage. I rather be your villain than
• 45:03
  try to fix it sometimes and just push you away.
• 45:06
  It's just easier for me to be alone than trying to work it out
• 45:10
  with somebody. So I definitely feel you with
• 45:11
  the self sabotage, you know? So but when I feel this song
• 45:16
  like, or when I listen to this song, I feel like every time
• 45:20
  that I have a split, like that's how I feel.
• 45:22
  Like I'm not trying to be crazy on you.
• 45:26
  I'm not trying to push you away. I'm having a fucking moment.
• 45:30
  Just let me have that moment. Just give me a little bit of
• 45:32
  space. I know you want to fix this like
• 45:34
  right now because that's who you are.
• 45:35
  Like you're somebody who's there's a problem, let's fix it.
• 45:38
  And I'm someone who's like, hold on.
• 45:39
  I need to figure this out. I need to feel my emotions and
• 45:43
  then figure out what made me feel this way.
• 45:45
  Because right now I can't focus on what made me feel this way.
• 45:47
  All I can focus on is this is what I'm feeling.
• 45:50
  I. And.
• 45:51
  I've come to terms on maybe I'm sorry.
• 45:53
  I'm sorry if I cut your finished your hand.
• 45:55
  I think that this song really go ahead while I look at the lyric.
• 46:00
  When, when, when you go through your, your, your episodes, I'm
• 46:03
  not trying to put you out there or anything, but I treat you
• 46:06
  like a fire. Like I feel like when you go
• 46:08
  through your moments, you are like a blazing fire.
• 46:10
  And there's the, the best way to stop a fire is you have to read
• 46:14
  like, I sound like a safety video in, in the actions of a
• 46:17
  fire. You must remove one of the three
• 46:19
  fuels for the fire to go out. You know what I mean?
• 46:21
  Like it's either stop giving it oxygen, don't give it fuel or
• 46:25
  smother it smothering it's not going to work for you.
• 46:28
  You you need to burn yourself out.
• 46:30
  But if I feed you more fuel and oxygen and and and Attack Attack
• 46:35
  you when you're in your moment, it doesn't fix it it.
• 46:38
  Makes it worse it. Makes it worse so like I rather
• 46:41
  you be I rather you go to bed angry and and you hate me or be
• 46:45
  mad at me in your moment and not talk to you and then let you go
• 46:48
  through it because then once you come back you're like, hey, I'm
• 46:51
  really sorry. I was like that a couple of
• 46:52
  minutes ago and and I had to learn because that's where I was
• 46:57
  told like, hey, in previous situations were like, hey, what?
• 47:00
  I needed you, you weren't there. So I attach harder of like well
• 47:04
  obviously you need me right now and I smother and that just
• 47:07
  doesn't. I'm finding it doesn't work for
• 47:08
  you so I just let you. Go and I think that's another
• 47:11
  thing of like where we're finding ourselves in our
• 47:14
  relationship is that we do do things differently.
• 47:17
  So like you want to talk about things and I'm like, I want to
• 47:20
  get the fuck out of the house. I need to breathe, I feel like,
• 47:23
  and it's not that you're smothering me.
• 47:25
  I know you're trying to help me, but I'm like, I can't deal with
• 47:27
  this right now and that I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin
• 47:30
  and I need to just get out of the situation.
• 47:33
  Even if I literally just sit in the alleyway and just sit on the
• 47:38
  on the ground in the alleyway. Like I just need a minute to get
• 47:40
  away from everything. You know, my go to spot is no, I
• 47:44
  don't and you can have it too because I I feel like when I.
• 47:46
  Is it the roof, 'cause I tried to go on the roof and I thought,
• 47:48
  I thought we were gonna die after the tornado happens.
• 47:51
  No, I don't like. I'm not going.
• 47:52
  I don't do the roof anymore because that was used as a tool.
• 47:54
  One time I I go to the alley in between the two houses, like
• 47:59
  that little entryway to the basement and I just sit with my
• 48:02
  back against one of the walls like by like where the basement
• 48:05
  steps are and I just chill there for hours because of the way the
• 48:08
  the two walls are connected. It's kind of like an echo
• 48:11
  chamber. And then you still feel like
• 48:12
  you're outside. You're still you still have you
• 48:13
  can see the stars above your head.
• 48:15
  It's super dark and no it. Works if it's dark, but I mean I
• 48:18
  could have a split at 3:00 in the.
• 48:20
  Afternoon no one goes over there and there's really no like
• 48:22
  window where people could look down and see you are there like
• 48:25
  are no one's going to bother you there and you can just kind of
• 48:27
  I've I've went there a few times and just let myself go and and I
• 48:31
  like yeah I don't know you could have that too if you want it if
• 48:35
  you ever need it just go sit in a little alleyway so.
• 48:38
  The lyrics that or I was getting at that I feel like really hit
• 48:42
  me a lot. And I've listened to the song a
• 48:44
  billion times, but now I'm crying about it.
• 48:47
  It says I'm a stress case. I drive you off the wall when
• 48:50
  I'm working. Actually, I'm probably worse
• 48:51
  when I'm not. And you don't deserve it.
• 48:53
  I make you nervous because you know I'm going to break soon.
• 48:55
  And every time I do, I say something that that hurts you.
• 48:58
  I'll act like I'm gone, but we're in the same room.
• 49:00
  Yeah. Yeah.
• 49:01
  Definitely that's like, I know that my I'm not trying to say
• 49:08
  any of this as a crutch, but I think that especially when I'm
• 49:12
  super manic, I'm like, I need to do something.
• 49:14
  I need to do something right now.
• 49:15
  I'm not doing anything and I'm going fucking nuts.
• 49:18
  And I know when I'm going nuts, I'm driving you up the wall.
• 49:20
  And when I'm manic and I'm like, I just need to rearrange the
• 49:24
  entire house. But I'm going to ask you a
• 49:25
  billion and one questions while I'm doing this.
• 49:28
  And I know it's like. You make your project my project
• 49:31
  and I fucking hate that. That drives me crazy when you're
• 49:35
  like, I want to work on the entire house and then you're
• 49:37
  like, I need your reassurance on everything I'm doing.
• 49:39
  And I'm like, yo, if you're having your moment, have your
• 49:42
  moment because now I need to have my moment.
• 49:43
  And now you're bringing me back into your moment and I'm trying
• 49:46
  to be better by joining your moment in that situation.
• 49:49
  But that's what gets me to is when you, because obviously too,
• 49:52
  when you're in your moments, you, you, you tend to want to
• 49:55
  pick a fight. Like for some reason, you want
• 49:57
  to fight like you want to argue, you want to, you want to have
• 49:59
  conflict. And I'm not good with that.
• 50:02
  I rather not have conflict. And that's when I kind of just
• 50:04
  like, let you pee yourself. Out don't want to have conflict.
• 50:07
  Usually when I'm manic, I just want to get shit done Yeah, and
• 50:11
  but I it's not that I want conflict, it's that I want
• 50:13
  things to go that are in my head like how I I see it in my brain.
• 50:17
  So like you attack. Though you do attack like you
• 50:19
  do, say, can. I finish what I was going to
• 50:22
  say. So like, for instance, when I
• 50:25
  went last a few weeks ago, I was making us lunches for the week
• 50:30
  and I wanted to rearrange the the, the cabinet that had all
• 50:34
  the Tupperware in it. You were in the middle of
• 50:36
  getting ready for a stream or making graphics or editing or
• 50:40
  whatever it was that you were doing.
• 50:42
  But I was in that moment, I was like, OK, I'm all of the
• 50:46
  freaking Tupperware just fell out on me and nothing fucking
• 50:48
  matches. And it's, it's irking my soul
• 50:51
  that I've rearranged the entire kitchen, but I didn't do this
• 50:53
  one cabinet. And I need to do it now.
• 50:55
  And I know that there's a table in the kitchen, but it's all the
• 50:57
  way on the other side of the kitchen.
• 50:59
  And I could just come up here and grab our foldable table and
• 51:02
  put it right next to the counter where I'm at.
• 51:03
  And I don't have to move everything that's off of the
• 51:05
  kitchen table. And I need to just come up here
• 51:07
  and get it done. And I didn't say a word to you.
• 51:10
  I came up here. I went to grab the table.
• 51:12
  You're like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm grabbing the
• 51:14
  table. Like I'm already stuck in my
• 51:15
  head that this is the next step that I have to do.
• 51:17
  And then I can just continue doing it.
• 51:19
  And you were like, yo, like you're, you're stressing out
• 51:22
  about this table. I'm like, I'm not stressed out.
• 51:23
  I'm grabbing it. I know what I'm doing.
• 51:25
  Like I've, I've got this. And you're like, just leave the
• 51:27
  table. I don't want it down there.
• 51:28
  And I'm like, all right, fine. It wasn't that I was mad.
• 51:31
  I was like, fine, that's not part of the story anymore.
• 51:34
  That's not the next step. I got to find out what the next
• 51:36
  step is. And I feel like you take it as
• 51:37
  like, well, you're mad because I said you couldn't use the table.
• 51:40
  It's not that I'm mad, it's that I'm on a mission.
• 51:42
  Yeah. And I'm trying to just get to
• 51:44
  the next step and get over whatever is currently stressing
• 51:47
  me out. I wanted to get to the next step
• 51:48
  of how to fix that so it's not stressing me out.
• 51:51
  And that table does like that has a lot of sentimental value
• 51:53
  and I'm very protective of it. I understand that, but we can
• 51:56
  also paint on it and we can do pottery on it with stuff down
• 52:00
  and I just want to put clean dishes on top I.
• 52:03
  Understand but you. But here's the thing.
• 52:05
  I'm not. In those situations where
• 52:06
  you're. Just saying that I feel like you
• 52:08
  you pull it like I'm trying to make an argument.
• 52:10
  No, no, no. I think in those situations when
• 52:12
  I'm telling you that like, hey, you can use it for your kids to
• 52:15
  do paint on and pottery on, that's a huge like, I'm letting
• 52:18
  you have a deal, you know what I mean?
• 52:20
  But also it's like it's me making that choice and not you
• 52:22
  come up and just grabbing it. And that's fair.
• 52:25
  That's really fair. It's not mine and I'm not.
• 52:27
  Again, we're going way far off of what this.
• 52:29
  But also, what did I do in that situation?
• 52:30
  I pulled you over. Can I finish This isn't what I
• 52:32
  what? This isn't what we're talking
• 52:34
  about in the music. Like this has nothing to do with
• 52:36
  the music. I like this conversation, I do
• 52:38
  too, which is why I'm trying to continue it.
• 52:40
  So what I'm saying though is like, yes, I agree that things
• 52:43
  get taken out of context and neither one of us are the best
• 52:47
  communicators in certain situations.
• 52:49
  When I am splitting, it's not, I feel like a lot gets taken
• 52:53
  personally as like I'm trying to attack you when I'm not trying
• 52:57
  to attack you. I'm trying to get myself back to
• 52:59
  a base level where I'm feeling the the the emotions are
• 53:04
  heightened and I need to get back to where I'm not feeling so
• 53:06
  overwhelmed. Yeah.
• 53:10
  And sometimes I just need that time like and and yes, to get
• 53:13
  back to what you were saying, we did end up that conversation
• 53:16
  ended up happening that you were like, hey, you seem stressed out
• 53:19
  about this table. Let's just come here, let's sit,
• 53:21
  let's talk about it, take a breather, take a breath.
• 53:23
  And yeah. And that and it's beautifully
• 53:26
  done, I might add. Like we, like I said, we are
• 53:29
  working on these things. But what?
• 53:31
  Fucking nailed it. You went downstairs and I was
• 53:34
  like, yeah, I fucking killed that.
• 53:36
  Yeah, what ended up happening was I took all the clean dishes
• 53:39
  and I put them on the floor and then I washed them as I was
• 53:42
  putting them away instead of just taking the table down.
• 53:46
  Look at that, look at our girl. That was a weird sidetracked.
• 53:48
  I hope you guys enjoyed that. Well, it wasn't when I was
• 53:51
  bringing it back to. I just needed that time.
• 53:53
  Like I just sometimes it's not that I'm trying to be crazy, I'm
• 53:56
  not trying to. I might have this breakdown.
• 53:58
  That doesn't mean I fucking hate you.
• 54:00
  That doesn't mean or I might be splitting on you or having a
• 54:04
  fucking moment and like everything is driving me up a
• 54:06
  wall. It doesn't have anything to do
• 54:09
  with you. I just need that time to just
• 54:12
  totally adjust it. All right, well, we're going to
• 54:14
  do our next song. Oh, what do you, what do you
• 54:16
  rank this one? I gave this a four out of five.
• 54:18
  I think my crying speaks 5 all. Right next one's going to be
• 54:22
  returns 7th song on the album. I'm just picking up for another
• 54:26
  4.5 for me a. 4.5. It's right there.
• 54:30
  It's, it's a, it's a banger. That's.
• 54:32
  A good song. Let me go back real quick to
• 54:34
  that last one lyrics. Why are you throwing rocks in my
• 54:39
  dreams all you want? Why are you throwing rocks?
• 54:41
  Do you want to kill my dreams? Telling me everything I'm not?
• 54:43
  You don't think I know those things?
• 54:44
  Like like, I love that. It was a good lyric.
• 54:48
  I think the the one that gets me the most in here is am I
• 54:52
  motivated? Obviously I don't do music but
• 54:54
  is my music dated? Would I be the same if I was
• 54:56
  medicated? Even my therapist says I need
• 54:58
  medication. I avoid it though because I'm
• 55:00
  scared to take it. Am I the only one that has the
• 55:03
  loaded gun that's full of doubts and memories to overcome?
• 55:05
  And when I complain about them when they shoot at me, But I
• 55:07
  know truthfully, I like to load them up and let them Bang, Bang.
• 55:12
  And it's like I you can use you could try to have that, that
• 55:16
  ammo on me, but I already have that ammo on myself.
• 55:18
  Like you're not coming at me with anything.
• 55:20
  I've already fucking been feeling.
• 55:22
  And I use it all the time, like when people try to use myself
• 55:24
  doubt or my, my, my openness of my, of my dis, my self doubt or
• 55:29
  myself everything. Like you're, of course I know
• 55:31
  that. Like you're not fucking breaking
• 55:33
  me down or hurting me with your viewpoints.
• 55:35
  I'm very well aware of where I am.
• 55:37
  You know what I mean? Like I yeah, it's I like this
• 55:41
  one. It's a good song.
• 55:42
  I this this album more and more as we get we get more into it is
• 55:46
  definitely. How are we feeling on the
• 55:48
  Christian scale? We've heard God dropped a couple
• 55:50
  of times, but it's not like a I'm, do you see what I mean?
• 55:54
  Where I'm saying like, it's not like we're not, it's not so much
• 55:56
  on a praising God type thing as like, yeah, God's a part of my
• 55:59
  life. I think I respect him on the
• 56:01
  fact that he's becoming self aware.
• 56:02
  He knows how to fix them. He's trying to fix it himself.
• 56:04
  He he he wishes he talked to God more, but there's a journey that
• 56:07
  he has to do on his own, and I respect that.
• 56:10
  I feel like that's where I would have I would have been more in
• 56:12
  the camp text, text Elena, tell Katie.
• 56:15
  I'm not ignoring her. I'm just.
• 56:17
  My kids are messaging him while we're doing this.
• 56:19
  Because I turn my Xbox on to check my, I mean, I'll just do
• 56:22
  that. Let's turn the Xbox off so she
• 56:23
  doesn't think I'm ignoring her. Well.
• 56:25
  Now she's going to think you're super.
• 56:26
  She's going to be like. I just joined the party.
• 56:29
  Hold on, I just accidentally joined the party.
• 56:32
  One moment. We're going to cut this out.
• 56:35
  We're going to cut this out, hey?
• 56:40
  She doesn't have a headphones. Yes, she does.
• 56:43
  She's talking. Does she?
• 56:44
  Yeah. Hey, can you hear me?
• 56:52
  Hey. Hey.
• 56:55
  So I don't want you to think I'm ignoring you, so I go ahead.
• 56:58
  Go ahead. You finish.
• 57:01
  Wow. Yeah.
• 57:02
  I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you or I didn't want to
• 57:04
  hurt your feelings. I I am, I'm, I'm currently with
• 57:07
  your mother recording content. We're we're we're doing an album
• 57:11
  review. So I didn't want you to think
• 57:12
  like, oh, I was. And I turn my Xbox on for
• 57:15
  something and I I'm not really using it, but like, I wanted to
• 57:18
  let you know that I wasn't ignoring you.
• 57:19
  OK, All right. But if go ahead, go ahead.
• 57:24
  Ask her bedtime's at 9:30, right?
• 57:29
  All right, well, can can I come? Can we talk about this?
• 57:32
  Like, by the time we're done, you might have to go to bed.
• 57:34
  So let's we'll table it for tomorrow and then we'll chat.
• 57:36
  All right, All right. Well, if I get done in time, if
• 57:40
  I get done in time, we'll come chat with you.
• 57:41
  OK. All right.
• 57:43
  See you girls. Bye.
• 57:46
  What? Did they want to talk about?
• 57:49
  She's doing VR. I'm.
• 57:51
  Leaving. I'm leaving this.
• 57:53
  Then look at me, look at me, look at this guy.
• 58:01
  Crazy. It's the girls.
• 58:03
  They're they're, they're the girls.
• 58:05
  I almost said my girls. I don't want to do that.
• 58:07
  No, not yet. They're our our girls, you know?
• 58:10
  They're awesome. They're good kids.
• 58:11
  I love them. But yeah, so I real fast.
• 58:15
  I just wanted to make sure they didn't think I was ignoring them
• 58:17
  or hating them. Yeah.
• 58:20
  Great song. So we were talking about, I was
• 58:23
  asking you about like the Christian side of things.
• 58:25
  Oh yeah, I don't mind him. I don't mind it at all.
• 58:27
  I don't think it's overdone at all.
• 58:28
  So now. Do you have?
• 58:30
  I guess we still have a few songs to go, but from this far
• 58:34
  in, do you think that you do you regret being like, oh, it's a
• 58:37
  Christian rapper? I don't want to listen to this
• 58:39
  because he's a Christian rapper. But also like I think if I would
• 58:42
  have listened to this when I wasn't in the right mind say
• 58:44
  too, I would have labeled him as so.
• 58:47
  I also struggle when people I was at a point in time too where
• 58:50
  people talked about their emotions.
• 58:51
  I would be fucking pissed at them for doing it.
• 58:53
  Because I think as a guy, when you when you see other people
• 58:56
  doing that 100% and I think me and my talks about salinity
• 58:59
  wouldn't have wanted me to enjoy him because he was he was
• 59:02
  related. Because he was you were feeling
• 59:04
  the things that he's felt. Totally.
• 59:05
  So I don't know. The only thing I'll say about
• 59:07
  this is I don't know who Sasha is or Alex Stallone, but she's
• 59:11
  obviously the chorus and they put something on her voice to
• 59:14
  give her more of a higher pitch. Yeah, I wonder how that she felt
• 59:16
  about that, because normally, like, you're not letting me
• 59:18
  showcase my actual voice. You're hopefully you're putting
• 59:20
  something on. Me, I will find the the I'm
• 59:21
  going to find the original for you.
• 59:23
  So you could hear it. Her.
• 59:25
  The voice. Well.
• 59:27
  We'll do that another time. Yeah, I'm not going to do.
• 59:29
  I'll find it now. See.
• 59:30
  But our next song on the album is going to be Let Me Go.
• 59:34
  This is the 10th song on the album.
• 59:35
  We're about halfway through. We are halfway through.
• 59:38
  There's 10 more to go. Some of these are interlude.
• 59:41
  So there is another song that's kind of like nothing, the next
• 59:43
  one. But we'll we'll, we'll keep
• 59:45
  going a little. This will be a little bit longer
• 59:47
  one the editing is going to be awful as we get to the halfway
• 59:51
  point. Let us know in the comments
• 59:52
  section, videos or music or things you want to do.
• 59:54
  Let us know how we're doing if you like the pacing of this, if
• 59:57
  you're what if you're listening to this with us or if it's
• 1:00:00
  something you already listen to and you're just here to hear our
• 1:00:01
  take on it or if you're NF. Thank you.
• 1:00:04
  You do great make great music. I know.
• 1:00:05
  You probably never think I'm going to go see you in concert
• 1:00:08
  for years because you saved my life with multiple albums.
• 1:00:10
  And it will happen, but hopefully before you stop going
• 1:00:13
  on tour. Actually, let's see this real
• 1:00:16
  quick. Is he on tour right now?
• 1:00:18
  He he was in town last year. Me and Sarah, we're going to go.
• 1:00:23
  And it just didn't end up happening.
• 1:00:26
  Not on tour. So I, I, I, I seem like there he
• 1:00:31
  sings a little in this song, the last one where he kind of like
• 1:00:34
  sings a little bit. I thought it sounded nice.
• 1:00:37
  I know he's a rapper, but he thought he has a good.
• 1:00:38
  Singing. Nice singing voice too.
• 1:00:40
  He does it in time as well. Yeah, I I would have.
• 1:00:44
  I think I would like to see him. Sing more.
• 1:00:47
  Maybe sing more, or maybe when I think about collaborations,
• 1:00:50
  we'll get to another thing. I think him and Post would make
• 1:00:52
  a good little collaboration song.
• 1:00:54
  Yeah. All right, let me go.
• 1:00:58
  Pause real quick. Don't give me a fucking ad.
• 1:01:04
  I just want you to hear that because she has the her the her
• 1:01:08
  song is called the the only inside the new clip.
• 1:01:11
  So here we go. This is her song.
• 1:01:19
  My most All right, we're back. Let me go.
• 1:01:24
  So what are the numbers on this one compared to Leave me Alone?
• 1:01:30
  Let me go with 81,000,000 and leave me a Which one leave me
• 1:01:35
  alone? Yeah, leave me alone with
• 1:01:39
  165,000,000. So I think that this song has
• 1:01:43
  the same overall story, but I think leave me alone is I'm
• 1:01:48
  trying to tell you what's wrong with me and you don't want to
• 1:01:50
  hear it. And this is hey, I've already
• 1:01:53
  told you what it is and now I'm past trying to explain it to
• 1:01:56
  you. Fuck off.
• 1:01:56
  Yeah, yeah, respectfully, fuck off.
• 1:01:58
  Yeah, I feel that. I got that same exact thing.
• 1:02:00
  Like, listen, if I tell you how I feel and you still don't want
• 1:02:03
  to hear it, then like there's nothing for you.
• 1:02:05
  Honestly, I'm immediately recalling to a thing I just put
• 1:02:09
  on Facebook not that long ago where it's like someone
• 1:02:12
  approached me to tell me how that how I made them feel
• 1:02:15
  without them because I was responding to actions done to
• 1:02:18
  me. And they try to tell me how I
• 1:02:20
  was this bad person in their eyes and everything that I they
• 1:02:22
  think I was doing wrong in their eyes.
• 1:02:24
  But every time I try to rebuttal, to tell them how I
• 1:02:26
  felt of why I did what I did, they were just demeaning it as
• 1:02:29
  if I was angry or if I was. Making excuses because it
• 1:02:33
  doesn't. You're not in line what they're
• 1:02:36
  with what they're. Your yeah, your feelings and
• 1:02:37
  your rebuttals don't align with how I feel about you and I my
• 1:02:40
  perceptions I've made about you and it.
• 1:02:42
  Doesn't make me the bad guy and and.
• 1:02:44
  And kind of like this song for me is like, let me go, then like
• 1:02:47
  get out of my face. You obviously don't care enough
• 1:02:49
  about me as a person, respect me enough as a person to listen to
• 1:02:53
  my side because you've already had your perceptions on who I
• 1:02:55
  am. So at this point in time, I love
• 1:02:57
  you. But just go over there, right?
• 1:02:59
  Go over to the other side of the room.
• 1:03:00
  Your energy and me are never going to meet a line because you
• 1:03:03
  already have preconcerned nations or notions of how you
• 1:03:06
  feel about me. But you don't want to hear my
• 1:03:08
  side of why I feel the way I feel.
• 1:03:09
  You just want to have those feelings for me.
• 1:03:12
  You want to control. Your.
• 1:03:13
  Your narrative, right? Yeah, yeah, I respect that.
• 1:03:17
  I like it. I gave this a three out of five.
• 1:03:18
  I don't think it's a bad song, but it's.
• 1:03:19
  This one to me is like this is a 4 1/2 for me.
• 1:03:22
  This is really close to being a 5.
• 1:03:24
  OK, I think it's a banger. It's good.
• 1:03:26
  All right, well, we'll get quick through the interlude here and
• 1:03:28
  then we'll be right back because I think this is only like a
• 1:03:30
  quick, yeah, 49 second song that has been listened to 23 million
• 1:03:34
  times. I don't know if it's really a
• 1:03:36
  song. I wish I can record something in
• 1:03:38
  49 seconds that 23 million people can listen to.
• 1:03:42
  That's fucking crazy. I'm big a podcast.
• 1:03:44
  I'm going to be honest, I make a podcast that they don't even
• 1:03:47
  break 10 plays on the audio side only and spot and YouTube, they
• 1:03:52
  only break 1510 five plays. It's it's it kind of depressing
• 1:03:57
  and embarrassing that the views that I get, but I just I don't
• 1:04:00
  know. But then someone, someone comes
• 1:04:02
  and talks to me and they're like, yeah, man, I listen what
• 1:04:04
  you say and I'm really connected to it and it's like, I will out
• 1:04:06
  of those five people, someone got something out of it.
• 1:04:08
  Awesome, you know, but here's the.
• 1:04:11
  Interlude, all right. Interlude.
• 1:04:15
  Yeah. Not always.
• 1:04:17
  Not always. Chasing your dreams is what the
• 1:04:19
  dreams are meant to be. On the other side, you got to
• 1:04:23
  you got to Stillwater that grass, you know what I mean?
• 1:04:25
  And that's, I feel like that's more of what the thing was, was
• 1:04:27
  like, yeah, I got to here, but this isn't, I thought that this
• 1:04:31
  was going to make me happy. And happiness isn't just having
• 1:04:34
  your dreams come true. It's still working at those
• 1:04:36
  dreams. Yeah, I give the interlude A4
• 1:04:37
  out of five. I like that little story.
• 1:04:42
  I always tell the people this too.
• 1:04:43
  I think a lot of content creators that I talk to and I
• 1:04:46
  collab with and I grow with, they think once it blows up,
• 1:04:49
  then they can coast. And because they grind so hard
• 1:04:53
  to get to the blow up, and then they feel like when they get to
• 1:04:55
  the blow up that they're going to just coast.
• 1:04:58
  And I feel like a lot of content creators don't study the game
• 1:05:01
  and don't study entertainment and don't study the way the
• 1:05:04
  world works and study other artists and what they go
• 1:05:06
  through. I think, I think they see the
• 1:05:08
  numbers and they see the artists and they see them on tour.
• 1:05:10
  They see people, like loving them and they respecting them
• 1:05:13
  and think that it's all amazing. And I don't think they realize
• 1:05:16
  that once you do, then make it and you have a larger, larger
• 1:05:19
  growing audience that you mentally have to prepare
• 1:05:21
  yourself for a whole new game. Yeah, and a lot of content
• 1:05:25
  careers I fuck with and a lot of people I talk to, I don't know
• 1:05:27
  if they're ready for that game. Like I, it sounds fucking stupid
• 1:05:32
  and I can never, ever put myself in a mind state where I'm going
• 1:05:35
  to ever be that big. But I think about it every day
• 1:05:38
  and I think about how I have to keep myself humble and grounded
• 1:05:41
  and keep myself based in a certain way that if it does blow
• 1:05:44
  up, you need be mentally ready for.
• 1:05:45
  Like I'm already preparing to the next step and putting myself
• 1:05:48
  in the next step, even though I'm nowhere fucking close to it.
• 1:05:51
  You know what I mean? And I don't think a lot of
• 1:05:52
  people do that. And I think it was very cool to
• 1:05:55
  hear him say, like, I'm the number one selling artist.
• 1:05:58
  My track, my my tours completely sold out.
• 1:06:00
  And I except for one. And I feel like I am at the
• 1:06:03
  lowest of my life. And that's powerful, Very, very
• 1:06:05
  powerful. All right, let's get to the next
• 1:06:07
  song. It's called hate myself.
• 1:06:09
  I will probably cry through this one also all.
• 1:06:11
  Right, we'll come up, we'll go come back, and Lily's make go be
• 1:06:14
  all over her face. It'd be like that, Chapel Row
• 1:06:16
  style. Bye, I hate myself.
• 1:06:22
  Go ahead, go ahead. I, I liked it.
• 1:06:25
  I, I kind of just vibe with it. I like I said, I think a lot of
• 1:06:31
  this I relate to again, like, am I have a likable person?
• 1:06:34
  Do people actually perceive me the right way?
• 1:06:35
  I might like? I always, I always, I don't care
• 1:06:38
  what people think. I always care.
• 1:06:40
  I, I think I care more if I'm understood or if I think that's
• 1:06:43
  my biggest thing. I think I struggle with more if
• 1:06:46
  I'm being understood more than if I'm liked.
• 1:06:48
  I don't care if that's. Really like the meaning of this
• 1:06:50
  song though. I got a completely different
• 1:06:53
  meaning from this song. The song is like saying like
• 1:06:57
  like I see where other people are coming from and I want to
• 1:06:59
  help them but I can't. How can I help you when I can't
• 1:07:02
  even help me? Sure.
• 1:07:03
  Yeah, that's in there as well. The lyrics that I think really,
• 1:07:08
  there's a few lyrics in here that really get to me.
• 1:07:12
  Hold on. And of course I just lost it.
• 1:07:18
  I had it saved. Here we go.
• 1:07:22
  So he says like I, I don't like doing argument or doing
• 1:07:27
  interviews because I don't like who I am.
• 1:07:31
  But he says I'm trying to find it.
• 1:07:35
  He says about like, I feel like you don't see me and what I
• 1:07:38
  don't feel seen. I feel like I'm worthless, like
• 1:07:41
  I'm not needed. And I feel like that's kind of
• 1:07:44
  here We here we go. It says I feel like you don't
• 1:07:47
  need me. And when I feel like you don't
• 1:07:48
  need me, then I feel like you don't see me.
• 1:07:50
  And if you do, my life has no meaning.
• 1:07:52
  Drain me hands out. I'm trying to ask for love, but
• 1:07:55
  when I get it, I just pass it up.
• 1:07:57
  And I feel like that's something that really speaks with me
• 1:07:59
  because it's, I think that I get perceived a lot as A, and this
• 1:08:07
  is me and me speaking on my emotions, not saying that this
• 1:08:10
  is actually how it is, but I think that I, I'm that friend
• 1:08:13
  that could get like out of sight, out of mind.
• 1:08:15
  I'm easily forgettable. And I feel like if I'm not doing
• 1:08:19
  something that's positive or productive in someone's life,
• 1:08:22
  like they don't really care about me or I'm not really, I'm
• 1:08:26
  not worth being in someone's life.
• 1:08:29
  And so that's like those, those lyrics really hit me because
• 1:08:32
  it's like, I feel that personally, like not even just
• 1:08:35
  in a in a relationship, but like I'm looking for acceptance at
• 1:08:40
  every corner. And I feel like if I'm not doing
• 1:08:42
  something that's worthy of that acceptance, then I should just
• 1:08:45
  disappear. Yeah, I, I feel like I'm very
• 1:08:48
  ever rarely invited to the events or to the get togethers
• 1:08:51
  or the Hangouts. And then when I do go or I do
• 1:08:54
  get invited, it's like that's the one day I do have something
• 1:08:56
  scheduled when it comes to content or something.
• 1:08:58
  I've already kind of perceived myself that I'm going to go do.
• 1:09:01
  And then I feel like people, I don't know if I'm being
• 1:09:03
  perceived as, but I'm too busy for people or you know what I
• 1:09:09
  mean? Or if I generally like, I don't
• 1:09:11
  know, like, and that and I like that struggles a lot with me.
• 1:09:14
  Like I hate, I, I, that's one of the things I hate myself with
• 1:09:16
  where I finally somebody invites me to something and then I can't
• 1:09:19
  be there and I feel like shit and then I don't get invited
• 1:09:21
  again. And then I feel like lonely
• 1:09:22
  again, if that makes sense. But yeah, yeah, definitely out
• 1:09:25
  of sight, out of mind as somehow I I struggle with too.
• 1:09:29
  All right, let's get into the next one.
• 1:09:31
  I miss these days track #13 we're we're we're zooming along.
• 1:09:38
  Miss the days. I don't think it's like AI think
• 1:09:43
  it's a good song. I don't know if it's as strong
• 1:09:44
  as the other ones for me, but I think it was still impactful.
• 1:09:48
  So I'm I'm at a three three out of five for this one.
• 1:09:50
  So this song always makes me teary eyed too.
• 1:09:52
  But going back to like when I first listened to this song, I
• 1:09:57
  wasn't in the best spot. So these lyrics right here.
• 1:10:04
  When did I start? Believe I wasn't worth it?
• 1:10:06
  Then question my purpose to breathe, wondering who I should
• 1:10:08
  be. Happiness out of my reach,
• 1:10:09
  scared to get back on my feet. Need to get rid of what's
• 1:10:12
  detrimental. But it's hard to let it go when
• 1:10:14
  you think the thing that hurts the thing that hurts you help
• 1:10:17
  you get to your dreams. The beats are amazing.
• 1:10:21
  It's a very well produced album. So the that that whole part in
• 1:10:24
  the song, though, I felt like I was at this point, like I said,
• 1:10:29
  I had just been, I'm in the process of going through a
• 1:10:33
  breakup with someone that's really not good for me.
• 1:10:35
  But this song, like I think it spoke to me in that time because
• 1:10:39
  I was missing my kids so heavy and I needed to like I needed
• 1:10:43
  that reminder of like why I went down there, what I was trying to
• 1:10:47
  accomplish while I was down there.
• 1:10:49
  And like miss the days when we can just go out and stare at the
• 1:10:53
  rain and miss like I associated that with like doing those
• 1:10:56
  things with my kids and having that an assistant, having that
• 1:10:59
  happiness and all of this shit could be going bad and
• 1:11:02
  everything could be just be spiraling out of control.
• 1:11:05
  But there's still something good to look on.
• 1:11:07
  And even if it even if it's a memory, like that memory can
• 1:11:10
  hold. You can hold on to that memory,
• 1:11:12
  even if it's something in the past to like keep you going
• 1:11:14
  forward. I have a hard time when it comes
• 1:11:16
  to doing things to those kids because a lot of my childhood is
• 1:11:19
  like the hardest of fighting for acceptance.
• 1:11:23
  So like it's hard for me to reminisce and like a lot of
• 1:11:26
  things growing up because it was a lot of it was such fighting
• 1:11:29
  and feeling like like how we said early feel like you're
• 1:11:31
  drowning. So I don't have a lot of those
• 1:11:33
  or like my favorite moment as a kid is me by myself and the
• 1:11:36
  things that I liked, if that makes.
• 1:11:37
  Sense And I think that's fair because I feel the same way.
• 1:11:39
  I didn't have much of a childhood in a way of like I
• 1:11:42
  didn't ride. I rode a bike for the first
• 1:11:45
  time. I think I was in like 6th grade
• 1:11:47
  and I had a bike but like we never went out and rode our
• 1:11:50
  bikes. I didn't have friends to hang
• 1:11:51
  out with. Like I couldn't go out and I
• 1:11:53
  didn't really have a childhood. Like for a context I have a
• 1:11:57
  sister with cerebral palsy so my sister didn't go out much.
• 1:12:00
  I stayed at home because my mom was always at home with my
• 1:12:02
  sister. So I didn't have, I also had a
• 1:12:06
  very sheltered childhood, but that's another story.
• 1:12:08
  But I didn't, I don't really reminisce on like I can't tell
• 1:12:12
  you like positive attributes about my childhood because I
• 1:12:15
  don't really have many of them. And it's not that I had a
• 1:12:18
  horrible childhood, but I didn't, I don't think of things
• 1:12:22
  of like, oh, the good old days, like I spent most of my
• 1:12:26
  childhood wanting to get out of my childhood home.
• 1:12:28
  Yeah, All right, let's do the next one.
• 1:12:31
  Check 14. No excuses, all right, No
• 1:12:37
  excuses. This is another song that's like
• 1:12:40
  definitely one of that's like on my hype list.
• 1:12:43
  I listen to it. I'm like, yeah, let's go.
• 1:12:45
  I can see that. I can see it being a hype song.
• 1:12:46
  When it comes to just for me, I think I give a 2.5.
• 1:12:49
  I think he leaned more heavily into the hooks and repeating the
• 1:12:52
  same things over and over. So I think the song structure
• 1:12:54
  didn't do it for me. But I think the message is good.
• 1:12:57
  I like the message. I didn't.
• 1:12:58
  I didn't hate it when he talked about interviews or maybe a
• 1:13:02
  little attacked, but no, But no, I, I, I like to do, I like to do
• 1:13:06
  my interviews where I like to learn about the person.
• 1:13:08
  But also, he said like, at least be aware of who you're in the
• 1:13:10
  room with, right? And.
• 1:13:11
  And so there's a little bit of a story with that I'll have to
• 1:13:14
  look into. I don't know the full story so
• 1:13:16
  don't quote the Internet did his.
• 1:13:18
  Research and found the interview he's talking.
• 1:13:19
  About I I I will find the interview, but there is like
• 1:13:22
  there's an interview in question where the students like, So what
• 1:13:26
  kind of gospel music do you sing?
• 1:13:27
  And he's like, have you even listened to my stuff?
• 1:13:31
  Like, yeah, but there's another, a song, I don't remember which
• 1:13:39
  one it was now the where he's talking about.
• 1:13:40
  Oh, I sent this song to No Name. And a few albums later, you'll
• 1:13:45
  find out who No Name is because they ended up fixing their beef,
• 1:13:48
  squashing their beef, and then they work together and collapsed
• 1:13:51
  on a song who was No Name. I will show you later.
• 1:13:53
  Alright, whatever, you just talk.
• 1:13:54
  About I'm going to make you review another Hopson.
• 1:13:57
  Who, Hopson? I have.
• 1:13:58
  No idea who that is. You know what's funny too, this
• 1:14:02
  song too, kind of gives me the whole no excuses of like, you
• 1:14:06
  can't say you know me if you don't take the time to get to
• 1:14:08
  know me. No excuses too.
• 1:14:10
  Where like I have people who are part of my day one clique, like
• 1:14:13
  who listen to me do a podcast of like comic books and pop culture
• 1:14:17
  stuff and we're like, I didn't know you knew that much.
• 1:14:19
  I'm like, yeah, I'm more than just a wrestling guy.
• 1:14:21
  I'm very more diverse. I think a lot of people think
• 1:14:23
  that my wrestling content or everything, oh, I don't like
• 1:14:25
  wrestling, so I'm not into it. But then I have people who are
• 1:14:27
  like, man, I got back into wrestling.
• 1:14:28
  I got my kids into wrestling because of your content, which
• 1:14:30
  is fun, but like I'm definitely more well-rounded.
• 1:14:33
  It's just I lean heavily into wrestling because I enjoy it.
• 1:14:35
  Like that's my favorite thing. But I'm definitely a fucking
• 1:14:38
  comic book superhero. Ninja Turtles, music, pop
• 1:14:41
  culture, like horror movies, preparing out for like I just do
• 1:14:44
  what I'm into, you know? I mean like I don't really
• 1:14:46
  stretch myself out to make content.
• 1:14:48
  I don't know, like I struggle with the paranormal cuts where
• 1:14:51
  I'm least knowledgeable, but like I also feel like I have to
• 1:14:54
  give a history lesson when I don't think I have to.
• 1:14:56
  Like I'm trying to struggle how to find true behind illusion.
• 1:14:58
  But I think we just find a topic, talk about it, give a
• 1:15:00
  general idea, and then talk about why we like those things.
• 1:15:02
  You know what I mean? Like, I feel like I'm not here
• 1:15:04
  to teach anyone something that you didn't know.
• 1:15:06
  Awesome. But it's just generally saying
• 1:15:08
  how I feel about the topic. Like that's where I'm at.
• 1:15:10
  And if, if like, if you don't like it, then it's not for you.
• 1:15:13
  And I understand and find someone who is a content for
• 1:15:16
  you. Right.
• 1:15:17
  Yeah, if it's for you, what is? #15 If it's not like this, go
• 1:15:22
  on. To the next.
• 1:15:24
  Like this? This one kind of falls flat for
• 1:15:27
  me. Not that it's like falls flat
• 1:15:29
  just on the album. I like the slower songs.
• 1:15:32
  I think that most of the slower songs are the ones that get me
• 1:15:34
  emotionally and I think that this one was like, I think it's
• 1:15:38
  one of the weaker ones on the album.
• 1:15:40
  I still really like it. I think I'm at a point in the
• 1:15:42
  album where it's like a wrestling card.
• 1:15:44
  I think when you have too many matches and they're all the
• 1:15:47
  similar matches, I think by match 7 you're like, all right,
• 1:15:51
  I think this is the time to close it.
• 1:15:52
  Give me a main event and let me get out of here.
• 1:15:55
  But when you're into like album or sorry, not your album or
• 1:15:59
  you're into match 11/12/13, you're like, I'm very I'm burnt,
• 1:16:03
  I'm burnt out. There's nothing else you're
• 1:16:05
  going to show me that I haven't seen with this night.
• 1:16:07
  And I think in the album like I get, I get his message, I get
• 1:16:10
  what he's trying to do. But at this point and into track
• 1:16:12
  15 and track 14, I feel like the album is now coming down for me.
• 1:16:17
  Or like you hit me with so many four and five songs and some 3
• 1:16:20
  point fives and stuff. Now it's like I heard it.
• 1:16:22
  You're just giving me a different beat with the same
• 1:16:24
  things with different work, you know what I mean?
• 1:16:26
  Like it's, it's all kind of repeating itself now.
• 1:16:28
  So for me like that was a 2.5. I like the message, I like the
• 1:16:31
  beat, that's all there, but it's all starting to blend together
• 1:16:33
  now. Man, we're all we still have 5
• 1:16:37
  more songs to go. Five more songs to go.
• 1:16:39
  I'm a. Little nervous, I'm not going to
• 1:16:41
  lie. Like I feel like if we're at the
• 1:16:43
  blending together point, I feel like I might be not burnt out,
• 1:16:47
  but like, yeah. You're not paying attention to
• 1:16:51
  the lyrics, no. More, I'm paying attention and
• 1:16:52
  just like, how many songs can I listen to that are the same
• 1:16:55
  message over and over? They're not.
• 1:16:57
  They are. They're very similar.
• 1:16:58
  They're in the same ballpark, OK.
• 1:17:01
  Like I feel like an album you still have to kind of give a
• 1:17:03
  little bit of variety and I feel like he just, he stays to his
• 1:17:07
  style, but I think 20 songs of his same style of I think it
• 1:17:12
  gets a little burnt out. Like I get like being sad and
• 1:17:15
  struggling with your things, but like 20 songs of that.
• 1:17:18
  I need a little uplifting. I need a little you know what I.
• 1:17:21
  Mean, I don't think they're all. Yeah, I don't know.
• 1:17:23
  I think there is. Opinions.
• 1:17:30
  These are the sorry options. Options.
• 1:17:32
  Very heavily on the. These are the options.
• 1:17:34
  These are the options. What are the options?
• 1:17:36
  He has to make it or make. It your options or make it or
• 1:17:38
  make it, there is no fail. Yeah, I I could relate to that.
• 1:17:41
  That's why I gave it a three. But I I also think it's another
• 1:17:44
  song where just like everyone's doubting me, I have to keep
• 1:17:47
  doing it. You know what I mean?
• 1:17:48
  Like I just another cell, not not a self doubt song, but
• 1:17:51
  outside per serpents say that you're not going to do it and
• 1:17:53
  his his perception is all right, That's fine, but I'm going to
• 1:17:55
  make it or make it. Well, you said the options or
• 1:17:57
  you said that we're at can't, everything can't be sad and we
• 1:18:00
  need a little bit more. It's either sad or it's everyone
• 1:18:03
  tells me I can't do it, but I'm going to work really hard and
• 1:18:05
  get there. That's kind of been the trend of
• 1:18:07
  like he has like 3 or 4, four or five talking points and it's
• 1:18:12
  repeated across 16 songs now. And it's just like, give me
• 1:18:16
  something other than like, I'm getting a wrist lock, I'm
• 1:18:19
  getting chain wrestling, I'm getting like I need a little
• 1:18:21
  something else in the match to get me a little more excited.
• 1:18:25
  And if I watch 7. Match This is 4 for me.
• 1:18:27
  I love this song. Yeah, I don't hate it, but it's
• 1:18:29
  just like I need us. I want us after 16 songs.
• 1:18:33
  I need a little something. This is another hype song for
• 1:18:36
  me. It's very high.
• 1:18:37
  I get it. Yeah, But it's just it's maybe
• 1:18:40
  the same song that was slower and sad earlier, just a little
• 1:18:42
  more hyped up now, but it's still the same message.
• 1:18:45
  I don't think he's he's hit me with anything.
• 1:18:46
  I haven't heard from him yet. 17 songs in.
• 1:18:50
  Okay. Yeah, it's kind of blending for
• 1:18:52
  me. I'm at a blending point.
• 1:18:53
  I don't. Hate like you're not gonna like
• 1:18:55
  the rest of it. Then I feel I hate it.
• 1:18:57
  I'm upset because. If every album is like this
• 1:19:00
  where it's the same part. But I feel like it's not just, I
• 1:19:03
  feel like yes, it is, but I feel like it's the way that they're
• 1:19:06
  put together. Yeah, Impulse in this trap too,
• 1:19:09
  like either I listened about his mom, his ex-wife, his daughter
• 1:19:12
  or his drug abuse and it's every single song for for 20 some
• 1:19:16
  tracks and it's like for. 20 some years, but like it's still
• 1:19:19
  successful. It is, but it's still to me
• 1:19:21
  it's. Just like I can't.
• 1:19:23
  I'm bored with it. And then he would What makes
• 1:19:25
  Eminem? Well, let's get through the
• 1:19:26
  last. What makes Eminem stand out and
• 1:19:28
  make his album go is every now and then in a song, he will
• 1:19:30
  throw a little comedy and humor in there.
• 1:19:32
  And it's like, oh, that breaks it up a little bit.
• 1:19:34
  That adds a layer to his song that makes it funny.
• 1:19:36
  Or he's the going to say something controversial.
• 1:19:38
  What keeps you there? But he's not, I'm not saying
• 1:19:40
  he's not because he's not cursing and he's not being funny
• 1:19:42
  and he's not adding humor. But it's just like, there's no,
• 1:19:45
  like, I feel like I've seen all of his tricks in his bag.
• 1:19:47
  Like it's good, but it's just like it's it's, it's working.
• 1:19:50
  It's hitting the marks. It's doing everything it should
• 1:19:52
  do. But it's just like I have three
• 1:19:54
  more songs, generally the same tone, same tempo, hardcore,
• 1:19:58
  hardcore beat with I don't know. I'm just waiting for that
• 1:20:01
  breakthrough or something different and I don't know if
• 1:20:03
  I'm gonna get it and if all of these alms are like that.
• 1:20:05
  You'll get it. You'll get it on the last song
• 1:20:06
  all right. Let's get to the next one.
• 1:20:08
  This one's called Why Why? I feel like the middle of the
• 1:20:14
  song. It came off as an asshole.
• 1:20:17
  I'm not invited to the party, but I'm showing up just like
• 1:20:19
  once again. It's given that I don't belong
• 1:20:21
  here vibe. Yeah, it's like, well, then
• 1:20:23
  don't be there. You're saying that you're always
• 1:20:26
  in your own head and you're overthink and you're struggling
• 1:20:27
  and you have anxiety and everyone's telling you to hold
• 1:20:30
  yourself back. But then you kind of insert
• 1:20:32
  yourself around those people and it's like, I feel like you're
• 1:20:34
  better than that. I don't think that that's how it
• 1:20:36
  was taken. I think, I think, or I don't
• 1:20:38
  think that's how it's supposed to be taken.
• 1:20:39
  I think that it's more of like, if you're going to keep doubting
• 1:20:42
  on me and you're going to say I don't belong here, let me show
• 1:20:44
  you how I do. And I might stand out, and I
• 1:20:46
  might not be just like you, but I am just as good as you.
• 1:20:49
  I give a 2.5 on this one. Ouch.
• 1:20:51
  Yeah, I think I'm winding down. I think I'm winding down.
• 1:20:54
  That hurts. Yeah.
• 1:20:56
  Well, our next song is going to be called Thinking.
• 1:20:58
  We'll be right back Thinking. I feel like this song was like
• 1:21:03
  written for his wife, like where it's more of like, hey, I feel
• 1:21:07
  like I've been trying to push you out where you've been trying
• 1:21:09
  to be there for me. And I'm realizing now that like,
• 1:21:13
  maybe I shouldn't be pushing you out as hard.
• 1:21:15
  Yeah, no, I like the messages. I like.
• 1:21:17
  That was pretty good. I just think maybe in the pacing
• 1:21:21
  of the album it just, I think I'm I'm on the wind down, I'm
• 1:21:24
  coming down from the high. It's a 2.5 for me.
• 1:21:27
  But I don't, I don't hate it. I don't dislike anything I'm
• 1:21:29
  listening to. It's just once again, I think my
• 1:21:31
  brain is like, I think I've hit my capacity. 20 song albums are
• 1:21:35
  tough for me. So this is the last song of the
• 1:21:37
  album. But then there's a bonus track
• 1:21:39
  that is an edit of a song we've already heard.
• 1:21:42
  My my camera just is not on me that entire time.
• 1:21:47
  So yeah. So if you're listening to that,
• 1:21:48
  I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that.
• 1:21:50
  I think as I got up face tracked me and followed all the way
• 1:21:53
  over. Anyway, yeah, so I guess take 2.
• 1:21:58
  So trauma. No, yeah.
• 1:22:00
  We're just going to keep going. It wasn't trauma.
• 1:22:02
  Trauma's next. I'm not going to redo that
• 1:22:04
  because I don't know how to go about it.
• 1:22:05
  But anyway, here we go. Trauma next on the Trauma.
• 1:22:13
  That's what I wanted. I wanted something different and
• 1:22:15
  it hit me on the last hit You on the last song.
• 1:22:17
  I think it closes the album out very nicely.
• 1:22:20
  I gave that a four. So that's another five for me.
• 1:22:23
  And the reason why is when I first listened to that song, as
• 1:22:27
  someone who has had traumatic experiences with a parent, like
• 1:22:31
  I don't see this as like a reach for help from someone that you
• 1:22:35
  know, loves you. I feel like this is a I'm asking
• 1:22:39
  somebody who was supposed to be there to help me.
• 1:22:41
  And you told me you would be there for me and you said you
• 1:22:44
  were going to do all of these things for me.
• 1:22:45
  And now that I really need you, where are you?
• 1:22:47
  And I just want your love. I want your acceptance.
• 1:22:50
  And I wasn't. You weren't there for me when I
• 1:22:52
  needed you. Yeah, and I feel that.
• 1:22:54
  I feel that too. All right.
• 1:22:56
  Last song on the album with the bonus song.
• 1:22:59
  It's going to be time, but an edit version.
• 1:23:01
  And I would like to say that I really appreciate it when I
• 1:23:04
  first listened to this album that they did end it with this,
• 1:23:08
  that they that they added the edited version in it because I
• 1:23:11
  think that the overall story has a really nice message.
• 1:23:14
  But I feel like if they ended it on trauma, like I would have
• 1:23:17
  just, you know. So time was also on the album
• 1:23:22
  before. This is like a remix so to.
• 1:23:25
  Speak so I I'm going to be honest, I have to remember what
• 1:23:27
  time was I gave it a four out of five.
• 1:23:29
  So I guess once we start going I'll I'll maybe I'll catch back
• 1:23:31
  up, but it'll sign out. What's different about it?
• 1:23:33
  But the last song bonus track on the album time #20 all right.
• 1:23:38
  What is the actual time difference on there?
• 1:23:40
  Five 5th 10 seconds. 10 seconds. I think it is.
• 1:23:44
  The actual song is 4 minutes even this is 3 minutes and 50
• 1:23:50
  seconds, so they cut out 10 seconds out of the song.
• 1:23:52
  So it's literally just the instrumentals at the beginning
• 1:23:54
  that they cut out. It goes right to like the boom.
• 1:23:57
  It's not the here's a little bit of the piano first.
• 1:23:59
  It's just Here's the song. Yeah, I think I like it.
• 1:24:02
  I think that's fine. It's still a four for me.
• 1:24:04
  It's a good song. It's a good way to end it.
• 1:24:06
  It's more the radio version. So like I said, I think that the
• 1:24:10
  reason that I appreciate it being there is because like the
• 1:24:12
  last song kind of was more of like a deep in your feelings and
• 1:24:15
  not that this song isn't Also, if you do recall, I was crying
• 1:24:18
  the first time we heard it, but it's more of that upbeat of
• 1:24:21
  like, it's going to be OK. Yeah, just give me time.
• 1:24:24
  Yeah, time heals all. Yeah, I'm happy I listened to
• 1:24:27
  it. I thought it was good.
• 1:24:27
  I think the overall album for me is going to hit probably like a
• 1:24:32
  3.5 for me. I think it's a good album.
• 1:24:36
  It does have me a little worried going into more albums of NF
• 1:24:41
  knowing that like maybe there it is like a lot of songs of the
• 1:24:46
  same tempo, same beat, same thing.
• 1:24:49
  So that's my only maybe fear going and listening to more NF.
• 1:24:53
  But I don't I didn't hate what I what I listened to.
• 1:24:55
  I thought this was a good album. I thought you picked a good
• 1:24:58
  album for me to listen to. I do relate heavily to him on.
• 1:25:02
  The search Mansion and is it hope the one with the clouds on
• 1:25:08
  it. There's there's three different
• 1:25:09
  albums from but I felt like this one was going to be one that
• 1:25:12
  connected to you more. Yeah, I thought, I thought we'd
• 1:25:14
  deal with some things we liked, the things we didn't like.
• 1:25:16
  As the songs went, I don't think my I think my impressions have
• 1:25:20
  changed on them. I'm I'm excited to say more.
• 1:25:22
  I gave my scale and anything you want to close out with.
• 1:25:26
  Well, I would say my overall for it is this.
• 1:25:28
  Like I said, there are a few albums of his that I felt like I
• 1:25:33
  know a lot of people I would I would have, I feel like he would
• 1:25:36
  be someone who would hate to hear that.
• 1:25:37
  Like, Oh my God, you saved my life.
• 1:25:39
  Like no, I feel like he would be like, no, you did that.
• 1:25:42
  Do you know what I mean? But I feel like his, his art all
• 1:25:46
  together just hit such a special place in my heart that it's like
• 1:25:50
  I feel very connected. I feel seen almost that was.
• 1:25:54
  My ploy makes me feel that way. Yeah, that's my guy.
• 1:25:57
  Like that's someone that it's almost like they just wrote the
• 1:26:00
  words that were in your head. Yeah, I mean he does the NF does
• 1:26:03
  that too. I think.
• 1:26:05
  I think NF realizes, I think listen to NF, we realize that
• 1:26:08
  we're all a lot of our struggles are the same and we are on the
• 1:26:11
  same boat. But yeah, I enjoyed it.
• 1:26:14
  I had a good time. It was really fun.
• 1:26:16
  I do like how in these two making the content together of
• 1:26:21
  also reflecting on us or maybe how we connect as a couple
• 1:26:24
  through some of this stuff too. I think that's kind of fun.
• 1:26:26
  I don't know how the people listening at home like that, but
• 1:26:29
  once again, no offense. I don't give a fuck.
• 1:26:31
  I make this for me. I.
• 1:26:32
  There's him and there's me. Sorry.
• 1:26:34
  Yeah, no, I'm done apologizing for my content.
• 1:26:37
  I get fucking. I can't break 100 views per
• 1:26:40
  episode and that's fine. And maybe that's the problem why
• 1:26:43
  I don't grow. But like NF, I don't care.
• 1:26:46
  I don't care. I make it for me.
• 1:26:48
  And if you don't like it, I'm sorry.
• 1:26:51
  I'm not sorry. To the next one, find someone.
• 1:26:54
  There's a lot of people out there making art.
• 1:26:56
  Go subscribe, go love. If you do like it.
• 1:26:58
  Thank you. Let leave some comments below.
• 1:27:00
  Let's let let me know some albums or movies or music you
• 1:27:03
  want me to review or anything other pop culture.
• 1:27:06
  Maybe there's something you want me to check out.
• 1:27:07
  I'm also into independent stuff. So if you're an independent
• 1:27:10
  artist and you want me to listen to your albums or anything like
• 1:27:12
  that, we will be mixing those in there as well.
• 1:27:14
  Thank you, Lily, for joining me again.
• 1:27:15
  Maybe thanks for having me. Maybe we'll we'll keep you
• 1:27:18
  around longer on this content and let you hang out more.
• 1:27:22
  But that's going to do it for us.
• 1:27:23
  We'll see you next time. And I have to go edit and relax.
• 1:27:26
  And I think it's nice outside. I think I'm going to go, maybe
• 1:27:29
  go for a walk. You wanna go for a walk?
• 1:27:30
  Are you done for a walk? It's like 9:30 at night and we
• 1:27:33
  have to be up for work. How about we sit on the porch
• 1:27:35
  and smoke a little bit? I'm cool with that.
• 1:27:37
  All right, we'll see you soon. Bye.
• 1:27:38
  Bye.