Latest / RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way / The Real Definition Behind Self-Esteem and Living a Criticism-Proof Life

Transcript

The Real Definition Behind Self-Esteem and Living a Criticism-Proof Life · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is a producer by my friends at WalkWather.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're looking to grow your brand and generate a new either podcast or video production, head over to walkweather.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend here with me.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: And so today I want to talk about self-esteem, but in the context also of self-acceptance, because I think honestly we end up talking a lot about self-esteem and self-confidence, but we don't always spend a lot of time talking about self-acceptance.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: So self-esteem is the one in the lens in which we see ourselves.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: And it is, yes, personal.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: It at times though can be clouded by external measurements.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: And it also can be clouded by self-doubt and external criticism.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: Self-confidence is how we see our abilities to do things.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_01: Again, sometimes it can get clouded by how we see our abilities to do things measured up against somebody else.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: So when we're talking about self-esteem and self-confidence, it's important to also bring into the fold self-acceptance, which says, I accept all parts of myself, even those that are not perfect.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: But when we're talking specifically about self-esteem, we are wanting to recognize how the inner critic or this or self-doubt can actually keep us from truly seeing ourselves with a clear lens.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_01: Because oftentimes self-doubt is what blooms from things that have been planted in the past.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_01: So whether they were experiences we've had, whether they were messages we've received, or maybe we experienced something along the way, such as a failure, or somebody treated us a certain way, those were all what we consider little seeds.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: And they eventually became deep-rooted and took on a meaning about self or a narrative about self, which then leads and grows into what we then later in life call self-doubt, right?
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: So all self-doubt, it's it's not that every single self-doubt moment you have is going to be rooted in something that happened when you were really little.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_01: Um, these experiences can happen throughout life.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_01: You know, as we hear things or we receive messages even throughout life, um, those are planting seeds and we're making them mean something.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: And if we don't become aware of that, that can absolutely contribute to the self-doubt we have.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_01: The other thing to pay attention to is just how we take on criticism from other people.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_01: You know, it is true that people are going to be judgmental.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um as humans, we have opinions.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: And if we allow for those external judgments and external criticisms to take hold um within ourselves as true, we take those criticisms on as true rather than asking ourselves, you know, is there's is there something I can learn from that criticism?
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_01: But rather we actually take it on as true as though there's something wrong with us, that can create um a hole in how we see ourselves and can actually create a hole in one's self-worth.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_01: So it's important to, you know, I'm not saying we ignore all people's opinions because, you know, we don't want to walk through there's on and air plugs in.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: But when people do have judgments, instead of taking it on as true as though there's something wrong with me, we can just ask ourselves, is there something from here, me here to learn?
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: And if not, then release it rather than taking it on as absolutely true.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_01: So how do we build you know self-esteem?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: How do we build healthy, healthy self-esteem and self-confidence and self-acceptance?
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: One of the things that is really important is this practice of self-compassion, which uh I've talked a lot about on this podcast and continue to talk about, Kristen Neff, one of the lead researchers in self-compassion, talks about how it has three pillars to it.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: There's kindness over judgment, there's common humanity, and there's mindfulness.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: So when you're speaking to yourself, it's about can I lean into kindness over judgment?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_01: Can I speak to myself as I would somebody who is uh a dear friend of mine or a loved, a loved one of mine?
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: Can I look at a situation instead of immediately going into judgment mode, acknowledge the difficult situation and also then make room for how you can potentially grow from it?
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: The second part of self-compassion is recognizing that you don't, you're not going, you're not isolated, you're not going into this alone.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_01: Other people have had similar experiences.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: So it's about talking about those things and seeking out how other people may have have handled a challenging situation before.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, mindfulness, being in the present moment.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: We can't undo the past.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so often when we're outside of self-compassion, we're beating ourselves up for a decision we made in the past or beating ourselves up for an action we took.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_01: And self-compassion says, can I take that experience, recognize the maybe the challenges that came out of the experience, and then how can I learn from this and grow from this?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: Another important part when we're dealing with um helping our self-esteem, our self-confidence, and our self-acceptance is recognizing how important boundaries are.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I know that I've talked about boundaries almost ad nauseum on this podcast, but being able to set healthy boundaries is important.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: And those boundaries are not just for other people and you, but also for yourself, because it's just as important that you respect your own feelings and needs.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so making sure that you send a message to yourself about your own value, your own worth, and also to other people as well, that there is a line.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: Certain things are not okay for you, and it's important to be able to set those boundaries because as you do that, you're actually contributing to your own beliefs and self, your own beliefs and your self-worth.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: And it is true that when we're talking about, you know, growing self-esteem and self-confidence and self-acceptance, it is about uh curiosity, you know, getting curious with yourself, just learning about yourself in different ways, understanding where certain thought processes are coming from.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: And then it's also important, as Brene Brown talks about routinely, embracing vulnerability as a sign of strength, recognizing that it's okay to ask for support and it does not make you weak, but rather allows for growth to happen.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: So in those moments of self-doubt, instead of putting yourself down, maybe seeking support from people who you trust in order to work through that journey that you're on.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_01: If you'd like to talk about things like self-esteem, confidence, self-acceptance, and how they might be holding you back, or how coaching could assist you in anything like that, or any other topics that you feel like coaching might be of help to you, feel free to reach out to me at any time at coachwithcomedy.com.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.