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Small Drops, Big Waves: The Path to Success with Noiky Roberts · None of Your Business Podcast

• 0:00
  You know, the secret to success is not necessarily big things,
• 0:05
  it's small things, but with amazing consistency because if
• 0:09
  you just take in, take in the atmosphere, the sights, the
• 0:12
  sounds, the smells, just be what humans doing.
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  We're not humans being you need to start just living.
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  Just cut some of the noise out and don't get contaminated by
• 0:24
  what's going on in the world. None of your business or she.
• 0:29
  None of Your Business, Michael, It's the None of Your Business
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  podcast hosted by Michael and. Welcome back everybody to
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  another uplifting, inspiring, energetic, growth oriented
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  podcast. We are here today with the
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  revered I. Wouldn't say that.
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  With the admired with my good friend.
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  That you can say. Noiki Roberts Noiki, I'm excited
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  to introduce you to the world and to our audience.
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  But before we do, let me just thank all our subscribers and
• 1:00
  our comments and the people getting involved.
• 1:02
  We are growing and we're loving the growth.
• 1:04
  And thank you to the Prime Source production team.
• 1:07
  You know, today we are starting off this podcast with a missing
• 1:10
  seat. I see that.
• 1:12
  Yes, you know, Oh, she had a urgent matter that came up, so
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  he couldn't be here in time to start this thing.
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  We can make it like Elio Novi, you know, we, we feel his case,
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  we feel his presence. He's not quite here at the
• 1:23
  moment, but we waiting him. I love that.
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  So when he comes in, we're going to have to stand up, obviously,
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  you know. Oh, she has his mug here.
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  So, you know, I like that perspective, but because he's
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  not here, I might be able to do things a little differently,
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  different. One of the things I always like
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  to do is light a candle and he doesn't let me.
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  I used to do it in the beginning of the podcast, like, you know,
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  for the first few and he's like, what are you lighting candles
• 1:45
  and drinking? Why?
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  That's you know, great question. So today Ashi I am going to
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  light a candle. And one of the reasons why I
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  like to light a candle is besides the fact that it looks
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  good and smells good and feels good, is I like to celebrate
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  people's neshamas, and that's something that I'd like to take
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  very seriously. And it's beautiful.
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  I do that in terms of I, I guess I'd do it for me more than
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  anything else. You know, I'd like to reflect
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  back on history and see who made an impact on this world this
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  week. Well, it's not going to be eared
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  at the time that the Earth sites are.
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  So it is what it is. But Rough Palm's earth site is
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  this week and I was in Torrevidas.
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  I had the pleasure of meeting him twice.
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  Thank God. He didn't give me a far hair or
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  a test or anything. It was just a good morning, you
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  know, But he made a tremendous impact on me.
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  And Tor Vadas in general is an amazing, amazing, you know,
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  Yeah. Torah filled.
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  I know an amazing story about Rapham, really, many, many
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  times. Yeah, let's get started.
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  I was on someone else's podcast, I don't know if I'm allowed to
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  mention. You're allowed to mention
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  anything. OK, who's that?
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  I was on Meaningful People. They asked me.
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  I was unscripted. I didn't know what to expect and
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  I, I just spoke probably too much.
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  And one of the questions they asked me was favorite mitzvah or
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  something like that. And I didn't, I, I wasn't really
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  prepared. And I, I, I said kaddish Levana,
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  right? Which is a weird choice, right?
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  And you talk about inspiring and uplifting.
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  The why they didn't look to the levana is because it waxes and
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  it wanes, it renews. It can seem full at one point
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  and then all of a sudden it's disappeared and it's gone.
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  And that's the story of the Yidden.
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  That's the story of the Jewish people.
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  There's a very beautiful sagulla that a person who we're told
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  Khazal, tell us, a person who says Kedar Slovana, he won't
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  have a Misa Mashona. It's almost like your life
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  insurance policy. And I know that Rappan towards
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  the end of his life when he was put, he was in hospital and he
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  asked for his bed to be by the window.
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  So he was able to take Kedar Slovana from his bed.
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  And if I'm not mistaken, and again, unscripted, I haven't
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  looked at notes, if I'm not mistaken, his bed was moved and
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  that's when he was NAFTA. He was unable to say condition
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  of honor that month he was NAFTA.
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  So you talk about Rafael. Me like the candles, beautiful.
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  You know what this is inspiring me to continue to do this.
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  You should and I'm going to force my way to do this every
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  single podcast and I'm loving it.
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  Nike, we have a segment here that we call what does Chachi PT
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  say about you? Uh.
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  Oh. We call it Chachi.
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  PT says what? And the beauty of what we're
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  doing here is we are just identifying who you are to the
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  world based on what the Internet knows about you.
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  I'm bracing myself already to go for.
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  It This guy basically is a rabbi, singer, therapist and
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  tour guide, which means he can marry you, sing at your wedding,
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  calm your nerves and then show you around Gibraltar all before
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  dessert. Together with priests and
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  bishops and remind me the tour guide bit is a joke but I'll
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  tell you in a minute. But.
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  Go for it. No, no, no, go for it.
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  Do you know Jeff Seidel? He's such a legend.
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  Jeff Seidel is the man that stands by the Kotel who makes
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  sure everyone has a meal Friday night.
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  An amazing, amazing individual. A very, very close friend of
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  mine, Asha Milstein, who doesn't he lives in Miami now.
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  He's supports him a lot and he's given he has a centre now and
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  Jeff knows me through mutual friends, etcetera.
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  I remember Jeff when I was a Bach.
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  I know it's wrong when you were we were there together.
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  You know, some a few weekends ago, right?
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  And Jeff does so much for he's not even content with just
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  finding people places at the kreisel.
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  So he learned of me being, I guess, a rabbi and a personality
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  in Gibraltar, a noisemaker in Gibraltar.
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  He said, I got to have your name and your address.
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  I got to put it on my Shabbos. If anybody needs Shabbos in
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  Gibraltar, could they come to you?
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  And in a moment of madness, I said, yes, my name is now
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  published, my address is out there.
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  My I'll get emails, random emails from people saying, Hey,
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  I'm coming to Gibraltar with my family of five.
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  Please can you put me up for me as they think I'm like Chabad,
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  wow. But I want to tell you
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  something. You talk about the Zohos of that
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  I've never once told the person it's not my job.
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  I, I, I never signed up for this.
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  If people I think want some information on Gibraltar, but
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  people think I'm a tour guide. And now clearly so does ChatGPT.
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  I think it's Jeff Seidel's. I was going to say fault, but
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  I'm going to say Zohos. They I'm not really a tour
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  guide. Originally from gates set,
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  England detoured through Atlanta, GA, and somehow landed
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  in Gibraltar. Forget jet lag.
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  His resume has frequent flyer miles.
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  That's true. That's an interesting journey
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  and I can't wait to hear about it.
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  Known as the Rock of Gibraltar in more than way, in more ways
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  than one. Spiritually steady, musically
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  ready and probably impossible to move in a game of tug of war.
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  OK, you're you look like a pretty strong guy.
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  OK, all right, fine. No problem.
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  Listen, I don't make this stuff up.
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  His Instagram bio. Do you have an Instagram?
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  I have for my singing my for my singing I have I.
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  Do have multiple different types of talents and personalities
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  I've. Never marketed myself as a
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  singer because it's really only a side gig, but I've recently
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  stepped down from my my day-to-day duties.
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  Maybe we'll get to that and I hope not, but so I'll do more of
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  that hopefully. I hope too So wedding and Jewish
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  event singer recently in the news for reminding everyone that
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  Passover equals family plus freedom.
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  Which is wild because most of us just remember the 10 plagues and
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  you bring out the best of the brisket.
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  This is this is Chachi PTI, don't know what is that all
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  about. So in, in Gibraltar, we'll start
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  the beginning. I I came to Gibraltar many years
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  ago as a as a Mohana has somebody involved in Kirov or
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  somebody who can get involved in the community and if.
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  You don't mind? I have to pause because it's on
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  my mind. I'm sure it's on everyone.
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  What is Gibraltar? Where is it?
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  Am I saying it right? You're saying Gibraltar?
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  How many Jews live there? Why have I not been there if
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  it's so beautiful from what I hear?
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  That you'll. Tell me about.
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  It Gibraltar is a gorgeous Little Rock that sits on the
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  southern tip of Spain, branching the Mediterranean in the
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  Atlantic Oceans. In the Straits of Gibraltar, the
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  Khazanish says the only place in the world that you can say
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  borrow also as a Yamagodo is looking over the Straits of
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  Gibraltar because the Yamagoda is either the Atlantic or it's
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  the Mediterranean. Where they meet in this tiny
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  little narrow neck of water is what I see from my window every
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  day. So Africa is just across the
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  water, 12 miles across the water, and it's this little
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  British colony. You see British policeman and
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  it's British pounds and a British passport.
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  But most people on the street speak Spanish because we border
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  with Spain. I buy my vegetables in Spain.
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  And Gibraltar has had a Jewish community, a special, special
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  Jewish community for hundreds of years.
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  I mean, there are people there who can trace their families
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  back generations, hundreds of years.
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  One of our synagogues, our schools is more than 300 years
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  old. They are an astonishing
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  community of just, I don't want to say simple because that's
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  such an unfair word, but they, they treat life with such
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  beautiful simplicity rather than complicate life, which I think
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  America's very good at doing. And maybe we'll get on to that
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  later with therapy. And it is everyone's running and
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  I'm not too sure they know where there.
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  It's the exact opposite. There is no keeping up with the
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  Joneses. There's about 150 Jewish
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  families of special, special warm people living in the sun.
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  I'll give you an example. I gave a an Igaris Haram banshia
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  for 17 years, and that's a difficult one because the
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  Garrison Ramban is a short letter from the Ramban just
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  telling you to be humble and don't get too big for your
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  boots. And the same women would show up
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  every single week and hear me say effectively the same thing
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  again and again and again. And at one point I blurted out,
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  I don't know why you're still here.
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  And then, like Rabbi, you remind us to be a good Jew.
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  It's worth coming. They are so pure.
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  They're so special and I think the world can learn so much from
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  the beauty of how they approach life and particularly how they
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  approach Avaider Sasha and they're such beautiful people.
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  Let me tell you a story. I, I, I got married in Atlanta
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  because my wife is from there. I moved first Gateshead because
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  I had visions of wanting to maybe go into law or whatever.
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  And as I was starting in this guy's law firm, mainly driving
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  his car and taking him to cases and learning the ropes and he
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  was, he was done. He was an older lawyer Cabrusa
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  my father and was done wanted to go to artist wrong.
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  My wife was working the front desk and it was we were newly
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  married and England, the north of England.
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  Gateshead is cold and there's anti-Semitism and it's like just
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  wasn't a good, it wasn't a nice place.
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  I thought all of England is cold and like that.
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  Fair enough. And after a few months of, of,
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  of living there and being in that law firm and driving his
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  car, etcetera, I came to be involved a little bit with,
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  with, you know, there was a kid that was dropping out of high
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  school And, and this, this father came to me and said, do
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  you want to, do you want to teach my kid?
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  I'm like, no, he's like, I'll give you £20 an hour.
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  I said, I'll start tonight, right.
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  In those days, it was a lot of money and I didn't really know
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  what to do. My father, Zaleh Zayn
• 11:06
  Gazzantungstaki should be healthy and well, is a master.
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  And I said to my dad, what do I do?
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  I'm going to get paid real money.
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  I'm not a teacher, what do I do? And he taught me the greatest
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  lesson there is. He says believe in the kid that
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  you're sitting in front of, love him, encourage him.
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  And when a person is valued and they could believe in
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  themselves, you don't know what you're capable of.
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  I don't know what I'm capable of, but but negative limitations
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  in your head will definitely stop you.
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  So I brought this painfully shy kid into my house and my wife's
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  American, you know, she's baking cookies and like, hey, how you
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  doing? And he's like, he couldn't even
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  answer. And it took like a few weeks
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  until he opened up and he was looking forward to the cookies.
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  And I'll never forget this day as long as I live.
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  And I think it was the biggest gift Hashem gave me in my early
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  career. This little boy knocked on my
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  door. I thought someone was being
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  murdered outside. There was a thump on my front
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  door and it was drizzling and raining because it was England,
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  right? And he was standing there, 12
• 11:59
  year old kid, maybe he was 11, I don't know.
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  And he was doing this, He was crying and he held up his Gemara
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  test. And he said I got, I got 100.
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  And this was a kid who never thought he could achieve
• 12:12
  anything. And I'm telling you that moment
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  I melted with him. I was just like such a beautiful
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  thing to see, to see that the I didn't really do anything other
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  than care about him. And and at the same time my wife
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  sat me down, said she's unhappy. My brother was learning in coal
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  and Gibraltar picked up the phone two days later.
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  I said to Hashem, I don't know, what do I do?
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  I had my whole rabbis. But I wish, I thought, you know,
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  I might settle here and grow here and go to school here and
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  get a degree here, etcetera. Amara said.
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  I can't do this. And two days later I got a phone
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  call from my brother who was one of the first members of a coil
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  in Gibraltar 35 years ago when Gibraltar was very traditionally
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  A Safadi community, but not necessarily shall we say a Tyra
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  community. What we know, I mean they were
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  beautiful people. I have a story about that in
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  just a moment. But they wanted to, to, to
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  further the Tyra growth of Gibraltar and they wanted to
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  open some schools and things like that.
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  And there was somebody there that our current president of
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  the community who wanted a mentor and a, and a tutor for
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  his children. And two days after davening to
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  Hashem that I, I need a change, Gibraltar picked up the phone
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  and said, do you want to come? And I remember we flew into
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  Spain and we drove down this coast road.
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  It's called the Costa del Sol, the coast of the sun, gorgeous
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  palm trees. It's like living in Hawaii.
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  It's just nuts. And I remember us being in the
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  car on the way down and she's she looked over at me and she
• 13:35
  said I don't care how this interview goes, we're moving
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  here, right? Really.
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  And I moved there on a 2 year contract.
• 13:40
  From Atlanta, GA. Right from being 8 months in in
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  Gateshead, right? My wife's like, OK, we're gonna,
• 13:47
  we're gonna move here. And almost 3 decades later, I'm
• 13:52
  still there, albeit in a, a morphing role just at the
• 13:56
  moment. But it's a special place.
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  And just to give you an indication of what the kind of
• 14:01
  place is, I know I said a minute ago, it's not a tire place, an
• 14:04
  unfair characterization of it. They're a deeply spiritual,
• 14:08
  beautiful people. I remember one of my first be, I
• 14:12
  was 22 years old when I moved there and I came as a, you know,
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  a youth director. Madrid.
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  No, I don't know, like Rebbe high school Rebbe, you know,
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  teaching a bit here and there and, you know, being a mentor
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  to, to the teenagers. And I walked into shul on
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  Shabbos morning. There's four very beautiful
• 14:30
  shuls in in Gibraltar. With 100 and yeah, yeah.
• 14:34
  Somewhat and they're not they're not like you would think in
• 14:36
  American shuls. You know, this one's a this one
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  and this one's a no. They're all the same and they
• 14:41
  came out and say the exact same. There's just families hundreds
• 14:44
  of years ago came and a slight different minute.
• 14:46
  So they say this over here like this.
• 14:48
  And you should know for the, the four shuls, it isn't a really
• 14:50
  enough, you know, a peanut butter to spread to keep it
• 14:54
  evenly. So they, they're closed during
• 14:56
  the week and it's 1 is open during the week And, and
• 15:00
  everyone goes to that show. And then three months down the
• 15:03
  line, we'll all go to that show and three months down there.
• 15:05
  So they do a, they do a, a rota. Now that the community has
• 15:08
  grown, two of the smallest shows doesn't, doesn't fit the daily
• 15:11
  minion or the daily mignon in the community has grown so much
• 15:14
  brush. And so the smallest, they're all
• 15:15
  open on Shabbat and they'll open in Yamtof.
• 15:18
  But one of the small shows that I went to Abu Draham, I walked
• 15:21
  in on Travis morning and I saw this near 80 year old man stand
• 15:25
  up for me and exactly I did a double take.
• 15:29
  I'm like, does he think like secretly I'm, you know, the God
• 15:33
  ladder? I mean, it's clearly a mistake
• 15:34
  here. So I I put it to bed and the
• 15:36
  next week when he did it again, I'm like, I was decidedly
• 15:39
  uncomfortable. I think it took three or four
• 15:41
  weeks until I got to know who this man was.
• 15:43
  His name was Mossegg Garrison, a man who could probably quote
• 15:48
  most of Tanak Balpai, who could lane any partial of the week
• 15:52
  without preparing. You know, you'd see him in the
• 15:55
  street. He's just whispering to himself.
• 15:57
  He's just saying to hit him or whatever it may be.
• 15:59
  You know, this is a man, you know, he was impressed by any
• 16:02
  any stretch of the imagination. And I went to him and I said to
• 16:05
  him, you know the Tyrell Well, you can learn any partial.
• 16:09
  Then you'll know me. Please save I'll talk him.
• 16:11
  I have a die rice up to stand for you, right, And not the
• 16:14
  other way around. It's very awkward, you know,
• 16:17
  you're standing for me. And he looked at me as if I'd
• 16:20
  insulted him and his family. And he did this with his No, no,
• 16:24
  you are the Torah. You came to teach the Torah.
• 16:28
  I stand for the Torah. Wow and.
• 16:30
  This was like I hadn't done anything yet, but if I
• 16:33
  represented that, that's I think encapsulates what Gibraltar is.
• 16:39
  That is amazing. Oh, she just walked in.
• 16:40
  So let's welcome into the program.
• 16:43
  So we're back and Noiki oshi, oshi Noiki.
• 16:49
  We've made acquaintances beautiful very quickly.
• 16:51
  I really feel connected to him, beautiful.
• 16:52
  I feel like we go way back. I feel like we have AI hear you
• 16:55
  together. You also speak very eloquently,
• 16:57
  I can already tell. I appreciate that.
• 16:58
  I love that. Thank you.
• 16:59
  And also you sound intelligent. I feel like anybody with an
• 17:02
  accent sounds more intelligent than Americans.
• 17:04
  Yeah, I once got into trouble on a comment on that because I went
• 17:07
  to a a speakers forum in Atlanta, you know, motivational
• 17:10
  speaking and that kind of stuff. And I gave a speech and an agent
• 17:14
  came to me and said to me something like that, right.
• 17:17
  And I was in a very sarcastic mood that day.
• 17:19
  And I I think she said something on the lines up without accent.
• 17:22
  Anyone's going to believe anything you say.
• 17:24
  I said, well, thank you for fundamentally reducing me to my
• 17:27
  external makeup. She didn't get it basically, you
• 17:30
  know, like, do you know what I mean?
• 17:32
  Yeah, give me a minute. Yeah.
• 17:34
  Yeah, she was judging you like she was you.
• 17:36
  Know just saying because of the way it looks and sounds yeah I'm
• 17:38
  I'm like you're gonna buy a car 'cause it's red and shiny I mean
• 17:41
  check out the end I mean exactly.
• 17:42
  I'm not learning about you that you have Smith.
• 17:44
  Huh. So.
• 17:44
  So Rabbi Noiki? Well, yes.
• 17:46
  Yes. And and you know, the tour guide
• 17:49
  thing came from Jeff, but you you're I think you're also a
• 17:52
  therapist. You mentioned so true or Chachi
• 17:54
  PT mentioned that. Yeah.
• 17:55
  So you do practice and. You know, maybe maybe we can
• 18:01
  talk about this because I understand this is kind of one
• 18:03
  of your things, You know, that I I have a big issue with with
• 18:08
  therapy, the way America particularly views therapy.
• 18:13
  Look, let's let's go from for a second, right?
• 18:16
  There's there's no child or baby that suffers from anxiety.
• 18:20
  Newborn babies are like kind of Shamash and Assad to be Tahir.
• 18:23
  You were pure from from the get go, correct.
• 18:26
  And somehow on the process of the journey, we learn anxiety,
• 18:32
  we get depression. These these things, one could
• 18:36
  argue is is learned practices and they're negative ones.
• 18:39
  And one of the things I learned quite quickly is that a a good
• 18:45
  therapist is really not supposed to speak very much.
• 18:46
  You're supposed to sit there. You're a great psychologist once
• 18:50
  told me you you're the blank canvas.
• 18:53
  Your your patient, your client is the artist.
• 18:56
  Let them paint the picture. Your job is to just give a
• 18:59
  narrative back of what you're hearing.
• 19:01
  So you're saying try not to say very much.
• 19:04
  And the the true deepest art of therapy is as the person sits
• 19:09
  there in a very safe space, not to be judged with no
• 19:12
  distractions, just to think about what their life is and
• 19:16
  they have to don't forget, describe it to a total stranger.
• 19:19
  You get a deep, it's like a very powerful mirror.
• 19:23
  I can't tell you how many times has happened to me over my
• 19:25
  career where somebody's sitting there and I'm biting my tongue
• 19:29
  not to scream at them. Don't you see what you're
• 19:33
  saying? You do what to your wife, the
• 19:36
  person you're supposed to love the most, the person that will
• 19:38
  be there for you every day of the week?
• 19:40
  You what? I, I, I keep that quiet.
• 19:44
  And then I wait for the comment almost where the person says,
• 19:46
  wow, this sounds really bad, William.
• 19:49
  Boom. And one of the big beefs I have
• 19:52
  with America. Maybe I shouldn't say this.
• 19:55
  No, just go for it. I'm here.
• 19:57
  You know, insulting, you know, but.
• 19:59
  As long as you're OK to receive it back.
• 20:01
  I'll I'll you could give it back to.
• 20:03
  Me, I don't like people that can dish but they can't receive.
• 20:06
  It no, it's not. It's not a diss in the sense
• 20:07
  that I just want not I'm people that give out.
• 20:10
  No, I'm you know what I mean. I said this though, but I'm I'm
• 20:11
  not just dissing you just to 1 upmanship.
• 20:13
  I'm I'm not into that either. I just think this is something
• 20:16
  so deeply, fundamentally wrong where people live with their
• 20:19
  therapist. Please bring it on.
• 20:21
  You know, and and they have to see this shrink 2-3 times a week
• 20:24
  and the the Tony Robbins of this world will stand up and convince
• 20:26
  you that if you need his ten week program to get better, you
• 20:30
  don't. You don't do you know the
• 20:32
  answers to your healthy life are and in you already.
• 20:35
  You just have to find them. And a therapist isn't the person
• 20:40
  you need to lean on for the rest of your life if you find a good
• 20:43
  therapist or you're able to do it yourself.
• 20:46
  I mean, dauphining is supposed to be deep meditation where you
• 20:50
  really connect with Akash Bark, who?
• 20:52
  Who is the answer to everything you Let me ask you a question.
• 20:57
  What would you rather have a billion dollars now or to be
• 21:03
  about be talking for the rest of your life?
• 21:07
  Wow, that's a nasty question. It's a.
• 21:09
  Wonderful. Question No, no, no, no, no.
• 21:11
  It's because you want to put him in.
• 21:12
  I know what my answer's going to be and you know, I just don't
• 21:15
  want to say it right now because.
• 21:16
  I'm I'm going to, I'm going to save you don't answer the
• 21:18
  question. Nobody should answer the
• 21:19
  question, but everyone listening should think about that
• 21:21
  question. And you're right, it's a tough
• 21:24
  question. It it, you know, chops you at
• 21:26
  the knees. But here's the answer.
• 21:29
  Everyone is drawn to say a billion dollars because that's
• 21:32
  the the, the dream. That's what we're taught to and.
• 21:35
  It'll be easier to have be tough on if we have a billion dollars.
• 21:37
  And you want to know something? What does the Czar call this
• 21:40
  world? The Alma de Shikra, it's not
• 21:43
  true. There is mountains of evidence
• 21:47
  to suggest that you having endless amounts of cash does not
• 21:50
  answer your problems. You somehow know it, but you
• 21:54
  don't really. But if you would meditate on it
• 21:56
  and you would work on it and you would think about it, do you not
• 22:00
  be? Tahan means?
• 22:01
  Let me tell you a cute story. I used to be a terribly nervous
• 22:04
  flyer. Before you continue with your
• 22:05
  cute story, just I want you to remember about the beef with
• 22:07
  Americans. No, the beef will go on
• 22:10
  throughout the. Podcast.
• 22:11
  I like. It it'll go on throughout.
• 22:12
  The Carry. On yeah, I'll remind you.
• 22:14
  Good. I like where this story is
• 22:16
  going. Because that's why I don't want
• 22:17
  to, yeah. I was also because I think
• 22:18
  someone here is also AI used to be.
• 22:20
  AI was a terribly nervous. And you're still afraid.
• 22:22
  Of I was terribly yeah, and and I've flown so much.
• 22:27
  My father again. Zolez Anger Zuntenstak, Amazing,
• 22:30
  amazing man. He said to me, he gave me an
• 22:33
  analogy. He said, how do you think the
• 22:35
  plane takes off? I said, I don't know.
• 22:37
  He said, you know, it's taller than a than a high rise bill.
• 22:39
  I think it's a massive thing. You know, at A380 today he said,
• 22:43
  how's it take off? This is a miracle.
• 22:46
  He says, you think anything happens without a Koresh Barker
• 22:48
  doing it? He said, picture the plane being
• 22:50
  carried in the palms of Hashem and going I'm being put down and
• 22:54
  that if it's not in the control of God, it's not happening.
• 22:58
  So what were you freaking out for?
• 23:00
  You think somehow you sitting there and clinging onto your
• 23:02
  armrest is going to help? I know it's not.
• 23:05
  It's a natural reaction. It's a natural reaction.
• 23:07
  Somebody hasn't thought it through.
• 23:09
  Think it through and just let go.
• 23:10
  You're with Hashem, so just smile.
• 23:12
  This is not nervousness at this point, it's not going to help.
• 23:16
  So I used to have to get drunk and stuff and go on long flights
• 23:19
  and I remember once coming into London Heathrow, I was flying
• 23:22
  from Newcastle to London and I think these little short
• 23:25
  domestic flights are done with trainee pilots.
• 23:27
  So it was a terrible landing and it was a, a hurricane and I was
• 23:31
  being tossed all over. And I remember thinking that
• 23:34
  Hashem's got me relax and I it was a mental exercise but I
• 23:38
  mamish I owned it and I don't know why Hashem gave me such a
• 23:40
  bracha. It worked and I just relaxed and
• 23:43
  as the plane's being tossed about, I was just like I mamish
• 23:47
  like. I smiled and my fear of flying
• 23:49
  was gone. I don't appreciate.
• 23:51
  This story, I'm so sorry. I don't appreciate it because I,
• 23:54
  I'm almost in one way envious that you're able to have that
• 23:57
  thought pro that mindset, right? But I think us regular people,
• 24:01
  no, no, no, we can't do that. That's because I, I, by the way,
• 24:04
  have plans gone down before. Absolutely with those not being
• 24:06
  carried in the palms of us. And they were, they were.
• 24:09
  But for some reason he decided that plan should go down.
• 24:11
  OK. So you so now.
• 24:12
  He's anxiety part. That's what anxiety comes from.
• 24:15
  Is God on my side today or is He not on my side today?
• 24:18
  Number one, OK #2 you're making it sound like such a fairy tale
• 24:22
  story like thing that you know he's apparent and it's a
• 24:24
  beautiful thought. I'll agree with you.
• 24:26
  But it is science how the plane is taking off and God gave the
• 24:32
  ability to the humans to create that science is his story
• 24:35
  removed himself from the equation.
• 24:36
  He gave them the ability to to have.
• 24:40
  So you're saying a lot of stuff, Yes, but let's, let's back up a
• 24:42
  bit. The, the simplicity of healthy
• 24:48
  living is, is within a human power.
• 24:51
  You can do it right. I've physically taken clients
• 24:54
  from massive phobias and huge anxieties to living very
• 24:59
  comfortable lives that you can do OK.
• 25:03
  Now, when I said before we're born healthy and we, you know,
• 25:06
  contaminate our, our thought process, there's I, I have a
• 25:12
  huge beef with social media and, and, and all of that.
• 25:16
  I'm not saying it's all bad, but I'm saying it needs to be very
• 25:20
  much regulated in the same way as you wouldn't give a car to a
• 25:23
  12 year old kid and you wouldn't give a loaded gun to a 12 year
• 25:27
  old kid. And there are licenses and there
• 25:29
  are ways and there are practices and there are healthy training
• 25:32
  sessions on how to handle a weapon that can kill car or gun.
• 25:38
  I think we need to be edging towards that.
• 25:41
  Also with social media. It's it's out there.
• 25:44
  It has tremendous power, but it also has unbelievable power to
• 25:48
  corrupt. We just I can't tell you how
• 25:51
  many times. I mean, just think about this in
• 25:54
  in in a restaurant. How many times does this happen
• 25:56
  to you where you're sitting in a restaurant and you see two
• 25:57
  people, business partners, a couple out for for dinner,
• 26:01
  lunch, whatever it may be. What happens when one of them
• 26:03
  goes to the bathroom, even if they don't have their phone on
• 26:07
  the table And like, no, no, I'm listening to you one second.
• 26:10
  No, you carry on how I was one of my pet peeves.
• 26:12
  I hate that someone's talking to you.
• 26:14
  I both sit there, look at them, invest in them.
• 26:17
  They're investing in you. But even if they don't have
• 26:21
  their phones on the table, what happens the minutes one of them
• 26:24
  goes to the bathroom? I'm searching for my phone.
• 26:25
  I don't know. The phone is out and and some
• 26:29
  earth shattering Facebook post, you know, but you know what you
• 26:32
  know what happens when that person gets straight involved in
• 26:36
  whatever it is that's on the screen?
• 26:39
  They're missing something because if you just take in
• 26:43
  taken the atmosphere, the sights, the sounds, the smells
• 26:46
  just just be what we're humans doing.
• 26:49
  We're not humans being we need to start just living.
• 26:53
  Just cut to some of the noise out.
• 26:55
  And when you when you do that, you start to realize that's the
• 26:59
  creative space, by the way, where creative thinkers live.
• 27:03
  Just being able to not be bombarded by something else and
• 27:07
  and just let silence wash over you.
• 27:09
  It's a very powerful thing. And when that happens, by the
• 27:11
  way, that's where the the fears and the anxieties, even if a
• 27:15
  plane is going to go down for a, how would, I don't want to put
• 27:19
  it this way, but if a person was on a plane and it was going to
• 27:21
  go down, how would you rather go down screaming and thinking or
• 27:26
  saying, you know what? If this is the way it has to be,
• 27:27
  it has to be what you choose. I'm pretty sure that's the last
• 27:30
  thing I'm mulling over. I get you but one.
• 27:32
  Second, this is. That's actually a great point.
• 27:34
  I like that. Point.
• 27:36
  But yeah, it's so profoundly simple.
• 27:38
  People live their lives worrying that things could go wrong.
• 27:41
  Yes, you're right, they could. I'm not distancing myself and
• 27:44
  I'm not naive, but I'm just saying even if it were to happen
• 27:48
  and it was out of your power for it to happen, which it clearly
• 27:51
  is, you still have a choice how you live up until that point.
• 27:55
  And I think Gibraltar does that well.
• 27:58
  And I think Americans, begaudol largely don't.
• 28:03
  And America's a great country. I come here all the time.
• 28:05
  I love coming here. But if I could wave a wand and
• 28:10
  change one thing, I would love to change that.
• 28:14
  We're we're so worried. I heard there's a great story
• 28:17
  that was in the news not so long ago.
• 28:18
  I know I'm rambling, so stop me whenever you want me to stop me.
• 28:21
  But the number one golfer in the world is a guy called Scotty
• 28:23
  Scheffler. Right, by the way, I'm sorry.
• 28:28
  Oh she is a major sports guy so just FYI.
• 28:31
  And and golf is the least favorite sport of mine.
• 28:33
  However, I still follow it and I know exactly who's got his chef.
• 28:36
  Yeah, right. So I don't, but I I know that.
• 28:38
  Oh, she's he's the. #1 golfer in the world and has been for a few
• 28:40
  years. I don't follow golf either, but
• 28:42
  what caught my attention was a news story where he was giving
• 28:46
  an interview just a few weeks ago.
• 28:48
  I was in Atlanta at the time and he was about to, one of the
• 28:51
  majors of the, of the of the year was being played, I think
• 28:55
  in Ireland and he was being interviewed, you know, by the
• 28:58
  obsessed American media. Yeah, Scotty, number one in the
• 29:02
  world, $1,000,000 here, you know, all about this thing.
• 29:05
  And he just kind of he's like, guys, if you had to ask me, do I
• 29:10
  want to be a good dad or a good golfer?
• 29:12
  If I had to die and and I was known for one thing, good
• 29:16
  personal, good golfer, which one would I choose?
• 29:19
  I'd choose good dad if I had to give up everything to have a
• 29:22
  simple life connected to my family and happily healthy, I
• 29:25
  would give everything up, he said.
• 29:27
  And he's a very deeply Christian religious guy.
• 29:30
  He preys on the course with his caddy.
• 29:32
  He's an interesting character. But he kind of gave Musa 101 to
• 29:36
  like the American media and, and they they started to panic a bit
• 29:40
  because think about it, he's got sponsors.
• 29:42
  He's got people who have to say, you know, winning this
• 29:44
  tournament. You know what he said?
• 29:46
  He said I won the most major tournament of my life and.
• 29:49
  I don't feel fulfilled. Correct.
• 29:50
  And he said how long do I really feel excited about it?
• 29:54
  Maybe 5 minutes and then I put the cup down and then we move on
• 29:58
  with life. There's a brilliant article in
• 30:01
  the redesign. You got a amount of slack for
• 30:03
  that. I'm, I'm.
• 30:03
  Of course you got a tremendous amount of slack of.
• 30:05
  Course, you know what? Because he was downplaying the
• 30:08
  moment and the, and the, the competition, correct?
• 30:11
  And that's what they were asking him about.
• 30:13
  Like, we're not saying you can't be a good father while being a
• 30:16
  good golfer. They're not mutually exclusive.
• 30:18
  You can be both. But we're here at the biggest
• 30:19
  golf tournament in the world. And how do you feel about 1?
• 30:21
  Of the biggest events you just won.
• 30:23
  You know how people? Hear you downplaying.
• 30:25
  Oh, golf, it's just a game. Relax.
• 30:27
  There's millions of people tuning in, watching you at this
• 30:30
  moment, right now. I think he was asked to.
• 30:31
  To the line. Right.
• 30:33
  And I, I personally don't agree with that.
• 30:35
  I mean, maybe from a sponsorship perspective, maybe.
• 30:38
  But I think his answer was so deep and so revealing.
• 30:40
  And by the way, it's, I'm borrowing it because it's so
• 30:44
  true. I've got so many clients, Jewish
• 30:46
  clients who have been desperate to be successful, desperate.
• 30:51
  And success is such a, an unguarded word because what does
• 30:57
  success mean? What does it look like?
• 31:01
  How many dollars is it? Is it what other people say
• 31:03
  about all these kinds of things? And in a world very obsessed
• 31:08
  with likes and clicks and it, it can be conflated.
• 31:13
  It can be confusing. And the truth is success really
• 31:17
  isn't in a deep thing. And what I was trying to say
• 31:19
  about the therapy before is it's within the reach of every single
• 31:22
  person. If you're a, if you're a healthy
• 31:24
  person in your mind, you can get there.
• 31:27
  I remember, I remember saying this on, on, on sphere, Simon,
• 31:30
  Ruby Akiva, everybody knows the story, right?
• 31:31
  Ruby Akiva's walking past and he see at 40 years old and nothing
• 31:35
  basically in life. And he sees the drips of water
• 31:37
  and, and, and you know, it's made an impression on the stone.
• 31:41
  So the the deeper analysis of that story is Rabi Akiva was
• 31:45
  inspired and he said, OK, I can make changes to my life.
• 31:47
  And and he did. And he became the world leader
• 31:50
  in Jewish thought and Jewish leadership.
• 31:52
  And he suffered unimaginable tragedy with this entire dynasty
• 31:56
  being killed in front of his eyes in a short period of time.
• 31:58
  24,000 I'll meet him and what does he do?
• 32:00
  Dusts himself down and starts again.
• 32:01
  And from 5 new time with him does the whole thing all over
• 32:03
  again. It's an astonishing story.
• 32:05
  But let me ask you a question that was from the from the
• 32:07
  inspiration of some drops of water on a stone.
• 32:11
  What are you trying to tell me that 40 years old Rabi Akiva
• 32:13
  didn't know that water can erode stone?
• 32:16
  What what was the epiphany? What was that big moment?
• 32:20
  So deeper analysis is like this. Rabi Akiva was walking by and he
• 32:24
  saw drops of water and he had seen that it bored a hole
• 32:28
  through a stone. And of course we know the Gemara
• 32:30
  says he said, if the soft water can penetrate the hard stone,
• 32:33
  the powerful words of Hashem Styra can penetrate my heart,
• 32:36
  they can change my life. And then he the calculation he
• 32:41
  made was as follows. He said, how many drops of water
• 32:43
  do you think it took to make a hole in that stone?
• 32:45
  How many years do you think and settle on any figure you want A.
• 32:50
  100 years. Right. 100 years, billions of
• 32:53
  drops of water then, right? How many liters of water would
• 32:56
  that make? How many gallons?
• 32:57
  I don't know, settle on a figure, right?
• 32:59
  Rubikiva said. Like this, If I were to take all
• 33:01
  that water and pour it on the stone right now.
• 33:05
  At once. At once, in one shot.
• 33:06
  What would happen to the stone? You know the answer.
• 33:08
  Laughing, exactly, said Rubrikiva.
• 33:11
  You know, the secret to success is not necessarily big things.
• 33:16
  It's small things, but with amazing consistency.
• 33:20
  And if I'm consistent and I do something tiny, insignificant,
• 33:25
  what's a drop of water? It won't quench your thirst.
• 33:27
  It does nothing, doesn't even register on your radar.
• 33:31
  But that is a catalyst for everlasting change, meaningful
• 33:36
  change, I think. Again, I love America, great
• 33:40
  people. By the way, love that.
• 33:41
  Isn't that beautiful? Love that.
• 33:43
  Thank you. You're welcome.
• 33:44
  Thank you for that. You're welcome.
• 33:45
  That that actually moved me and it's my head.
• 33:49
  My mind is spinning right? Now, so this is the.
• 33:51
  Because you're right, each individual drop on its own is
• 33:54
  worthless. All of it at once is worthless.
• 33:58
  But each and the drop, each drop right collectively when you have
• 34:02
  them consistently over time does major damage.
• 34:06
  So if you want to be success exactly what does what does
• 34:09
  being a good Jew look like? What does being a good father,
• 34:12
  husband look like? And the answer is do the little
• 34:15
  things, very little things, but consistently do them all the
• 34:18
  time. I used to hate avening.
• 34:21
  I genuinely, I'm not lying, I genuinely love avening.
• 34:25
  I love it if I being a balbi Tachan mean living with Hashem
• 34:29
  one O 1. The plane could be tossed around
• 34:32
  and I'm OK. That is such a gift.
• 34:35
  But you don't get it for free. That that's work.
• 34:38
  That's a lifetime of work and we're always evolving and
• 34:40
  working on it. And the day you're not working
• 34:42
  on it, you're regressing, you're going backwards.
• 34:44
  And I think every good therapist should be helping their client
• 34:47
  realize that you have it within you.
• 34:50
  You do. Success is right there.
• 34:51
  Hashem created you as perfect as you need to be, but just don't
• 34:57
  let the world, media, everybody other, everyone else's, What are
• 35:00
  they saying? What are they?
• 35:02
  Just do you and don't get contaminated by what's going on
• 35:08
  in the world. There's a lot of garbage out
• 35:09
  there. You were mentioning an article
• 35:11
  in the Reader's Digest. Thank you the The Reader's
• 35:15
  Digest. And this was in the 1980s.
• 35:17
  This is how far? Back I love the Reader's Digest.
• 35:19
  But Oh my God, it's gone, love. I used to go to laughing.
• 35:22
  What have there? That was that was before phones.
• 35:25
  There was nothing else to do in the bathroom, correct?
• 35:27
  And it was pretty much. But Reader's Digest was so
• 35:29
  educational. It was so brilliant, so.
• 35:31
  Informative, it was pretty and entertaining at the same time.
• 35:34
  Jokes. They had everything.
• 35:36
  It was two things for me growing up.
• 35:37
  It was the Jewish press where I used to go right to the back of
• 35:40
  it. And just like, you know, the
• 35:41
  biggest and the Reader's Digest that was that was like the yes,
• 35:44
  the two things that I used to read.
• 35:45
  But I remember, and nobody every threw away the Reader's Digest.
• 35:48
  You kept and then you hosted them over many.
• 35:50
  Years, by the way, business idea.
• 35:52
  Imagine someone's got a full collection of years of Reader's
• 35:55
  Digest. You know that would sell for.
• 35:56
  Go to every single garage sale in the tri-state area.
• 35:59
  You will guaranteed to find a stack of reader's.
• 36:02
  Directions. Beautiful.
• 36:03
  Do it. Question who's buying it?
• 36:05
  I would, I know, but you know, Jewish people, religious Jewish
• 36:08
  people typically read more than the rest of the world, correct,
• 36:12
  Because on Shabbos we're basically forced, right?
• 36:15
  Have to read. We have a choice, right?
• 36:17
  The rest of the world, when are they?
• 36:19
  They have their phones with them at all times, right?
• 36:21
  They never ever that. Even when they're reading,
• 36:23
  they're on a phone. Yeah, it was wonderful reading
• 36:25
  the Daily News or the Post or any, any newspaper in any state
• 36:28
  across the country. Who's reading that?
• 36:30
  Maybe an older person like a senior you know will will still
• 36:33
  buy coffee in the morning. There's a lot of British people
• 36:35
  who still like their physical newspaper that you know, they'll
• 36:38
  go and buy the Times. Because they don't want to see
• 36:40
  anybody, so they open their paper.
• 36:41
  Nobody. Sees.
• 36:42
  Also I take an. Oven out the rest of the
• 36:45
  exactly? Absolutely.
• 36:46
  What was the article? But by the way, the way we
• 36:49
  consume news today is also from a psychologist point of view or
• 36:53
  psychological point of view is, is is changing.
• 36:55
  You look at the rhetoric, you know, the word genocide getting
• 36:58
  posted by Israel multiple times on a daily basis.
• 37:02
  You can see what's happening. There are people who are very
• 37:05
  carefully manipulating the media to make sure that there is a
• 37:10
  narrative. And that narrative is not
• 37:12
  necessarily accurate at all. And it's, it's so dangerous.
• 37:17
  And again, just a big up Gibraltar, this tiny little
• 37:21
  island in the middle of Noah. It's not an island, but it's
• 37:23
  connected to mainland Spain. But you, you find some of the
• 37:27
  healthiest teenagers. It's not like they don't
• 37:28
  struggle. They do.
• 37:29
  It's not like we don't have social media.
• 37:31
  We do. But if we could, I mean, my, my
• 37:33
  dream would be that it would be a universal understanding that
• 37:38
  kids don't get phones until they're a certain age.
• 37:41
  And, and at 16 or 17, there isn't a teenager who I've
• 37:46
  interviewed who I've been intimately involved in their
• 37:48
  growth and their life. And I've, I've been involved in
• 37:50
  setting up schools and, and, and trying to career advise and,
• 37:53
  and, and make healthy, you know, teenagers.
• 37:57
  And then the other part of my job in Gibraltar is to be the
• 37:59
  rabbi for those couples as they settle and try and grow and try
• 38:02
  and keep them growing and motivated and spiritually
• 38:04
  growing. And, and it's a tough job.
• 38:07
  There's, there isn't a teenager who honestly one-on-one will say
• 38:10
  to me, my phone helped me when I was 16, who, who won't, who, who
• 38:15
  will say that they won't? They're like, it destroyed me.
• 38:18
  The, the anxiety level for girls.
• 38:20
  I mean, there's a brilliant book if you want to read a great,
• 38:22
  great book called The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt.
• 38:25
  Oh my God. This is so funny.
• 38:26
  You remember I interrupted you earlier and I said something.
• 38:29
  This is what I was going to say. I said I was speaking to my
• 38:31
  daughter last night, right? And she's in her 20s, married.
• 38:35
  And she told me something so profound and interesting and I I
• 38:37
  couldn't believe it. She said that she believes that
• 38:41
  her and her generation, when they have teenagers, will not
• 38:45
  allow phones to their children. I'm daving that's true.
• 38:47
  And you know why she said it to me?
• 38:49
  Because we're living in a world where we see how much damage
• 38:51
  it's doing. This is the first time there's
• 38:52
  no data on it. This is the first generation.
• 38:54
  That you see, this is the generation.
• 38:56
  It's, it was so fascinating. I said, really?
• 38:58
  And then she told me about this book.
• 38:59
  Oh, it's fascinating. OK.
• 39:02
  Jonathan Haidt is a great guy. Get him on.
• 39:04
  He's not Jewish. He's a brilliant person.
• 39:06
  Where? Is he from?
• 39:07
  He's American. He's American.
• 39:09
  I'd love to get him the. First book of his I read was
• 39:11
  called the Coddling of the American mind, right.
• 39:14
  How good intentions and bad ideas to set up a generation for
• 39:17
  failure. He's he's a he's a fascinating
• 39:19
  person. I don't want to talk about it
• 39:20
  because it's not not really, you know, but but he's he's a
• 39:24
  brilliant person and he talks about but the back to the
• 39:27
  Reader's Digest article. It was called fun or happiness.
• 39:32
  And this is in the 1980s. And I think they took a
• 39:35
  snapshot, sort of like a, a visual aerial shot of the most
• 39:39
  privileged place on the planet. I think it was in Hollywood
• 39:42
  somewhere where, you know, every single house is a, yeah, $10
• 39:46
  million mansion. This is in the in the 1980s,
• 39:49
  right? And you know, this one belongs
• 39:50
  to Madonna, and this one's another A Lister, and this
• 39:52
  one's, I don't know the name. They had a show back then, you
• 39:55
  know the showcase the houses of the millionaires, right?
• 39:58
  MTV Cribs. That was the MTV version.
• 40:01
  That was another. 1 But what's amazing was it, it gave sort of
• 40:05
  a statistical analysis of the average earnings of each of
• 40:08
  those people, right? What was their surplus wealth?
• 40:12
  How many homes did they own? How many private jets?
• 40:14
  Of course there was a house in Malibu and a, and a villa in the
• 40:17
  South of France and, you know, maybe a skiing chalet in
• 40:20
  Switzerland or something like that.
• 40:22
  And then it went through the list of those people of how many
• 40:28
  of them will suffer from I think 5 or 6 big indicators that there
• 40:32
  is something not quite right with their lives.
• 40:35
  So for example, domestic abuse, substance abuse, addiction,
• 40:40
  etcetera. How many of them have will will
• 40:42
  have suffered from any one of those or a combination of those?
• 40:48
  And of course they were, they were high into the 80s or the
• 40:51
  90% of which which highlighted so clearly that being affluent
• 40:55
  or being free or being successful in the eyes of what
• 41:00
  the world calls success, That definitely doesn't answer the
• 41:05
  more meaningful question. I think that was what was
• 41:07
  Scottish Scheffler's point. He's right.
• 41:09
  Golf is great, it's fantastic. And he said these words.
• 41:12
  It's given me an extraordinary life.
• 41:15
  He's but it can't give me meaning now.
• 41:17
  He may have been slaughtered by his sponsors for such a thing.
• 41:20
  If you're getting meaning out of this, nobody asked this the endo
• 41:23
  Beal. Should we all try to aspire one
• 41:25
  day to be a good God friend then our lives will be perfect.
• 41:27
  Nobody was suggesting. That I don't know the context.
• 41:29
  I didn't appreciate it either because I thought it came across
• 41:32
  a little arrogant. It also came across a little bit
• 41:35
  like he was demeaning and he was.
• 41:37
  He was biting the hand that feeds him at the end of the day,
• 41:40
  like you just. Said at the end of the contact.
• 41:41
  Gave him a very good. Lot and he definitely and.
• 41:44
  Everybody is watching you. We don't think that you should
• 41:46
  now become the Dalai Lama. We can suggest that we're not
• 41:50
  propping you up on a pedestal. What we're doing is we want to
• 41:53
  ask you about the moment here and how you feel.
• 41:55
  Whatever. I don't want to get back into
• 41:56
  that. Yeah.
• 41:57
  Yeah. OK.
• 41:58
  Why is it though that everybody we're still chasing all these
• 42:01
  things. We've had hundreds and thousands
• 42:04
  of years of evidence and we all know this.
• 42:06
  I won't dispute, I won't debate you on this.
• 42:08
  I agree. Money is not going to wipe away
• 42:11
  and eradicate all of your problems and there's other ways
• 42:14
  to attaining happiness that are going to be much more genuine,
• 42:18
  authentic, more sustainable. I believe all that and I'm sure
• 42:22
  everybody else, people listening, we believe that.
• 42:25
  Why are we still chasing what a great.
• 42:27
  Question. And the truth is, I, I don't
• 42:30
  know if I have the answer. I, I have an answer which works
• 42:33
  for me. And again, it's, it's back to
• 42:36
  the same kind of therapy that that has helped me become calm
• 42:43
  and uninvolved. Now listen, I'm still ambitious
• 42:49
  and I know money has utility value.
• 42:52
  And that's a very keyword there, utility value.
• 42:55
  I like that. Word.
• 42:55
  Yeah, it's very important. You can't survive without it.
• 42:59
  But when you get it, you realize, OK, this is, I mean,
• 43:03
  there were Jews in Europe who were also obsessed with wealth,
• 43:06
  and they hoarded wealth. You know, they say a funny story
• 43:08
  about a psychologist. The guy comes and sees a
• 43:10
  psychiatrist. So the psychiatrist is sitting
• 43:13
  there. The client walks in and the guy
• 43:14
  says, why have you come to see me?
• 43:16
  He says, I don't know. He says, I'm totally normal.
• 43:20
  He says, OK, so why does a totally normal person come and
• 43:22
  see a psychiatrist? He says, but my family made me
• 43:25
  come. They think I'm crazy.
• 43:26
  He says, ah, OK, why does your family think you're crazy?
• 43:30
  He says, doctor, I have no idea. They think I'm crazy because I
• 43:34
  love pancakes. And the psychiatrist says, what?
• 43:39
  That's ridiculous. I love pancakes too.
• 43:41
  And the guy says, you do, you should come to my house.
• 43:43
  I keep suitcases full of them under my bed.
• 43:45
  I open them. I lay in them.
• 43:47
  It's amazing. That's good.
• 43:52
  So OK. Why is it funny?
• 43:54
  Why is it funny? Sorry to go all analytic on the
• 43:57
  joke, but it's crazy because somebody who stores more
• 44:00
  pancakes than they could ever possibly use, they're nuts.
• 44:04
  They're crazy. A squirrel doesn't hold more
• 44:06
  nuts for the winter than it's going to need there or
• 44:08
  thereabouts. People who are chasing money,
• 44:11
  and there are people out there chasing more money than they can
• 44:13
  spend in their lifetime. They're crazy.
• 44:18
  Or they've lost focus, if we want to say it nicely or
• 44:20
  politically correctly. They're not focused on really
• 44:23
  what's giving them now. We're all stuck in this world
• 44:27
  which creates powerful images, but those powerful images are
• 44:31
  not. Can I give you a defense to
• 44:33
  that? Can I give you sort of the other
• 44:34
  side with with pleasure, I can speak for myself and I can speak
• 44:38
  maybe for other people as well that I imagine money is probably
• 44:43
  the only thing that can limit, minimize, diminish the other
• 44:48
  problems. So let's say in your life, you
• 44:50
  have 5 different big issues going on.
• 44:53
  It's very hard to tackle each of those issues.
• 44:55
  You know, it's going to be a lot of work ahead.
• 44:56
  You know that it's going to be years and years of talking about
• 45:00
  it and getting, you know, into the weeds of where the roots of
• 45:03
  it and then trying to to trying to remedy it versus having money
• 45:08
  will in one way just make everything easier.
• 45:11
  So that's also a solution, so to speak.
• 45:13
  So it's not necessarily going to be the epitome of my happiness,
• 45:16
  but it's going to make everything else better and
• 45:19
  softer and just it's going to make everything seem a little
• 45:22
  bit more OK. And I think maybe that's why a
• 45:24
  lot of people chase after money because they believe that that
• 45:28
  is going to mask and disguise all of their other problems.
• 45:30
  Does that make sense? It's the old Can money buy
• 45:32
  happiness? Right, right.
• 45:33
  Can't buy happiness, but sure, make your misery feel easier to
• 45:36
  live with. Yeah, and, and the back to the
• 45:38
  Reader's Digest article, I mean, the, the analysis of the article
• 45:41
  was whilst all of these people have extraordinary amounts of
• 45:45
  money, there's quite a lot of evidence that they don't have a
• 45:48
  lot of meaning and happiness. And there's a very big
• 45:52
  difference in fun and happiness. Money can buy you a lot of fun,
• 45:56
  a lot of fun. And I love having fun, I really
• 45:59
  do. I'm still I, I sound like a very
• 46:01
  serious person and for the most part in my life, I kind of am
• 46:03
  because I'm very invested in the lives of other people.
• 46:06
  I, I can party hard. I.
• 46:08
  Could see, I could see. That I, I can, but I, I think
• 46:11
  I'll do it in context, understanding that it's
• 46:13
  important to chill, it's important just to relax and do
• 46:16
  healthy things. One of the most I don't know I,
• 46:20
  I, I go running and I, I'm quite athletic and this I just go and
• 46:24
  I, and then I come back and I'm, I'm a better husband, I'm a
• 46:27
  better rabbi, I'm a better teacher.
• 46:29
  I'm a I need that if I didn't relax and blow off steam and I,
• 46:34
  I, I sing at weddings and I, I've sung with fabulous bands
• 46:37
  all over the world. I, I, I get such a buzz out of
• 46:41
  performing for an audience, But I realized that's just, it's a,
• 46:45
  it's a, a fake high. It's, it's good for what it is.
• 46:49
  It's a lot of fun. I need that, but that's not it.
• 46:53
  I need to do much more and the, the analysis of the readers.
• 46:56
  I just article was money can buy you a lot of fun.
• 46:59
  It certainly can't buy you happiness.
• 47:01
  And there's mountains of evidence that.
• 47:02
  And it's true, you can throw money at problems, but and and
• 47:05
  it can the utility value of money can mean it can help you
• 47:09
  find some solutions, but it's not the solution.
• 47:12
  And if you, if you give that to your children or you or you
• 47:15
  portray that to people, you're doing a disservice to your
• 47:18
  children. OK, On the contrary.
• 47:19
  Not as a religious person, as a person, correct?
• 47:22
  What would you suggest to yearn for, To strive for, to gain
• 47:28
  happiness? Don't tell me the end result.
• 47:31
  Tell me like a pathway like this is how you should, you know,
• 47:35
  start putting things in motion right now.
• 47:36
  Start building those blocks. And then eventually you'll get
• 47:39
  to that place. And that is a very big function
• 47:41
  of how you can really be happy. I mean, the truth is happiness
• 47:44
  is a journey. And if you want to go to the
• 47:47
  very deep analysis of it, Rabbi Tatz wrote a book for teenagers,
• 47:51
  the thinking Jewish teens something, the advice for life
• 47:54
  or something on those lines. It's a great read.
• 47:56
  It's a difficult read. I don't think it's for teenagers
• 47:58
  at all. And I love Rabbi Tats.
• 48:00
  It's so deep. And he has an article that he
• 48:03
  has a chapter or two on happiness.
• 48:05
  And, and one of the things he says, he says quite a lot, but
• 48:09
  one of the things he says in the in the in the book is to give it
• 48:15
  an example. If you're, let's say a
• 48:16
  pickleball player or a squash, a tennis player, we'll go with
• 48:19
  tennis, right? If you're an aspiring tennis
• 48:22
  great and I put you in front of somebody who you can crush
• 48:25
  easily and you win 6 love, 6 love, 6 love in 15 minutes.
• 48:30
  If you walk off the court and you clinch your fist.
• 48:33
  Yeah, I destroyed him. You're an idiot.
• 48:36
  I'm like, dude, he's six years old.
• 48:38
  He's just picked the Baracket for the first time.
• 48:39
  Of course you beat him. There's no happiness in that.
• 48:42
  But on If I put you in front of somebody who's better than you
• 48:46
  and they push you to your utter limits and you are digging deep
• 48:49
  into your reserves and every muscle is strained and aching
• 48:52
  and you're sweating and and you win, that's a feeling of
• 48:56
  elation. Why?
• 48:57
  Why it? Was difficult, correct?
• 48:59
  I had to earn that. Correct.
• 49:02
  By definition, then, happiness means what you break yourself
• 49:06
  over, what you dig deep within one second.
• 49:10
  It's accomplishment. Accomplishment.
• 49:11
  But true accomplishment is great happiness.
• 49:14
  It's real meaning. Real meaning.
• 49:16
  Can I tell you a Dvartura? Beautiful Dvartura was told to
• 49:19
  me Rabatursky. When I was starting my degree, I
• 49:22
  knew I had to sift through so much garbage.
• 49:24
  So my mashiach Salomon put me in touch with Rabbi Dr. Abraham
• 49:30
  Twersky also. And he said he'll meant to you.
• 49:35
  And this was crucial for my career as a rabbi and and trying
• 49:38
  to help people grow. And he's so Rytowski said to me,
• 49:41
  listen, I have a lot of people on my case.
• 49:42
  I'll definitely meant to you, but I have no time for God.
• 49:44
  You call me up. We're not going to talk about
• 49:45
  the weather. We're not going to chit you.
• 49:47
  You have a question, you ask the question.
• 49:48
  We're we're busy people. I appreciated that so much.
• 49:51
  I eventually brought him to Gerald.
• 49:52
  It was beautiful. I have stories about that.
• 49:54
  I don't know if I have time right, but he said Rytowski said
• 49:59
  to a beautiful torture. It says the beginning of the
• 50:01
  Torah when it says man was being created.
• 50:04
  It says NASA Odom right in, in the plural term.
• 50:07
  Let us make man. Rashi says, you know, it looks
• 50:10
  like opponents of Judaism can argue and say there's more than
• 50:14
  one creator. There are more than one force in
• 50:16
  creation. And Rashi says let corrupt
• 50:18
  people corrupt themselves. That's fine.
• 50:20
  But the reason why it's written and there's many, many answers.
• 50:22
  But the answer I love the most and has motivated me so much and
• 50:26
  has helped me get to this place of where I'm feeling fulfilled
• 50:30
  and generally feeling happy. I'm not without challenge.
• 50:33
  Everybody has tough times, everyone.
• 50:36
  But it's such a welcoming thing to know that you're having the
• 50:39
  worst day out there and you can sit with it and you don't try
• 50:43
  and mask it with any kind of drugs or anything like that.
• 50:46
  Just be and know that you have within you what it takes to come
• 50:50
  back. I don't know how long it's going
• 50:52
  to take, but as sure as the tide goes out, the tide comes back in
• 50:55
  again. I'm going to ride out this
• 50:56
  feeling, feeling low right now. That's normal.
• 50:58
  That is totally healthy, and I'm going to feel good again.
• 51:02
  When Hashem created everything He created it as is in the
• 51:06
  elephant is a big elephant. It doesn't have to do anything
• 51:08
  to become what it needs to become in the moment that it was
• 51:10
  created in its inception, all of it was there.
• 51:15
  There was one thing that Hashem said I'm going to put latent
• 51:18
  dormant potential then and for it to become extraordinary,
• 51:23
  you're going to have to work on it.
• 51:24
  And that was man and you can see it.
• 51:27
  Human beings can rise higher than angels and frankly can sink
• 51:31
  lower than than animals. And where that lies is within
• 51:36
  you and your freedom to choose. You can have the worst
• 51:41
  experience ever and and you can turn it around and say, this is
• 51:44
  going to motivate me. This is going to make me into a
• 51:46
  different person. Ruby Akiva understood that.
• 51:49
  The the drip, drip thing, that's my work.
• 51:51
  I have to do that every day. And I think to answer your
• 51:55
  question, I think the person that owns that, and really
• 52:00
  deeply, I don't want to say believes it, owns it, knows it,
• 52:04
  you've tried it, you've tested it.
• 52:07
  You can reach extraordinary things in your life and there's
• 52:10
  no gimmicks. The funny thing is this is such
• 52:12
  a difficult cell in the world today, which is desperately
• 52:16
  trying to get you to believe you need that product to get
• 52:18
  healthy. I'm saying you don't, You really
• 52:22
  don't. It's a disservice to your client
• 52:25
  to say you need me as a therapist to make you better.
• 52:28
  No, you don't. You need to own this idea.
• 52:31
  Test it, try it. You can hate certain things.
• 52:35
  I I used to hate running. I needed to be healthy.
• 52:39
  This is why we need therapists. What you're doing right now, I
• 52:42
  think we has to be explained correct and then it doesn't just
• 52:45
  it doesn't settle on someone and you can slowly convince them
• 52:48
  over time. I call it that's therapy.
• 52:50
  That's. What you're saying with America,
• 52:51
  why you hate it so much? Because we are a country of
• 52:53
  drugs. We love our drugs.
• 52:54
  I know. There's no question about it.
• 52:55
  And I think that's what you're saying.
• 52:56
  There's a lot of external substances that are not really.
• 53:00
  It's like within a person. Look, I don't think you would
• 53:02
  respect me if I could speak eloquently only when I'm drunk.
• 53:05
  Like seriously. So it's not the real me I'm
• 53:07
  masking with something. You need to find that
• 53:09
  confidence. Without that and, and, and
• 53:12
  within it, the real answer to it is mindfulness, right?
• 53:16
  We're so worried about other stuff.
• 53:19
  That means your brain has X number of percent of capacity.
• 53:22
  If 50% of it is, is out there thinking, I wonder what people
• 53:26
  are thinking. If I, if I sit here as I speak
• 53:29
  thinking, I wonder what you guys out there think of me.
• 53:32
  I I'm not authentic anymore. All of a sudden I'm, I'm there.
• 53:35
  I'm not here. Marriages are, are there?
• 53:38
  They should be here. They should be beautifully
• 53:41
  present. Praying to Hashem should be a a
• 53:44
  wonderful moment where I'm with God, he's with me.
• 53:48
  All my answers are right there. And that was the question before
• 53:51
  billion dollars of God. Of course the answer is God, but
• 53:53
  it takes work to be able to get to that answer and mean it and
• 53:58
  think it and live it. It's tough.
• 54:02
  Michael, where do you find these people?
• 54:05
  That's really cool. We'll be hanging out at 1819
• 54:08
  years old together, yeah. We were, yeah.
• 54:10
  This Gibraltar thing is really just annoying at me.
• 54:12
  Yeah. Like, where the heck is this
• 54:14
  place? And you keep, like, you lived
• 54:17
  there for 30 years, I think you mentioned.
• 54:18
  Yeah. Like, there's a community there.
• 54:20
  There's like, like, why have I never heard of it?
• 54:22
  Yeah. What's up with that?
• 54:24
  It's tiny. It really, really is tiny.
• 54:27
  I mean, you missed it before you said it was 150 families with
• 54:29
  four rules. That's the entire.
• 54:31
  So it is very small. Yeah, it's very.
• 54:32
  Very small, but it's like it makes a lot of noise though.
• 54:35
  I mean like I've heard of it in. Terms of extraordinary place,
• 54:37
  even from business perspective, I mean from the Jewish world,
• 54:42
  it's, it's a special place. People moved there or people
• 54:45
  were born there. So people were born there.
• 54:47
  The the the main community is the Indigenous community, but
• 54:50
  it's been a bit of a noisemaker, so it's attracted.
• 54:53
  What's the business like over there?
• 54:55
  When you say business, so it's a, it's a business solutions
• 54:58
  place, not necessarily for Americans so much, but it, it
• 55:03
  offers a lot of financial services to, to companies and
• 55:08
  it, it, it can provide good banking solutions.
• 55:10
  It can provide good structures for people who want to set up
• 55:12
  companies and things like that. So it's A and there are very
• 55:17
  creative lawyers and and accountants there who who try to
• 55:20
  help people structure their businesses in a way that is very
• 55:24
  tax efficient. Gibraltar is very tax if.
• 55:26
  You're saying like similar to like when you make an LLC and
• 55:28
  like it's made in Delaware, right?
• 55:30
  Right. Because they have certain laws
• 55:32
  to protect the LLCS doing things in Gibraltar.
• 55:34
  Yeah, it it, it does help certainly for Europeans and and
• 55:37
  non Americans. I mean, for Americans, you're
• 55:38
  going to get taxed wherever you make your.
• 55:39
  Mind, I think we have a total of 13 listeners out of America for
• 55:43
  those people you know, I guess it'll be beneficial yeah to.
• 55:46
  Look, if especially if if you, for example, let's say you're
• 55:51
  you're you're a business in Israel or.
• 55:53
  You know, we do have a lot of listeners in Israel actually.
• 55:55
  So So what happens then? So they come to Gibraltar and
• 55:58
  they structure and they set up their companies there.
• 55:59
  And that's a benefit for them from many different ways.
• 56:02
  Give me one way that it's a benefit so.
• 56:04
  For example, all the gaming companies have have lots of them
• 56:06
  have set up their their servers and their base of operations in
• 56:09
  Gibraltar. Corporate taxes is very
• 56:11
  favorable for them. They they pay their taxes there,
• 56:14
  they become residents there. There are 150 unaffiliated
• 56:18
  Israeli families now living on the Rock because of favorable
• 56:22
  tax positions. And what happened?
• 56:24
  They have to also be there six months in a day in order to.
• 56:27
  Have presidency. A lot of them actually live
• 56:29
  there. Oh, they actually, yeah.
• 56:30
  This is not some shtick. This is this is the real deal.
• 56:32
  They're enjoying it. What led you to Gibraltar?
• 56:34
  So we did that at the beginning that.
• 56:36
  You could tell him the 32nd. Version yeah, I was in England,
• 56:39
  thought I wanted to go into law by mistake, got involved with
• 56:44
  helping some teenagers in my community and just saw the
• 56:47
  difference between chasing just pure guilt and and.
• 56:50
  You see yourself retiring in Gibraltar.
• 56:53
  Look, Gibraltar has its challenges.
• 56:55
  I'm all rosy, you know, I'm a big personality and I'm in a
• 56:58
  very, very small place, you know, So I, I recently stepped
• 57:02
  down from my day-to-day duties of, of being involved in the, in
• 57:06
  the 2 high schools. I still do a lot of community
• 57:10
  work and what have you, but I, I, I view Gibraltar as being a
• 57:14
  very healthy place in terms of noise and all the garbage.
• 57:18
  It's been a very, very healthy. Place.
• 57:20
  There's not much isolated over there.
• 57:21
  Correct. So that that's the other side of
• 57:23
  the coin. It's quite challenging and I
• 57:27
  view myself staying there for the moment, but traveling a lot
• 57:30
  more, speaking internationally a lot more, singing
• 57:33
  internationally a lot more. I haven't really launched that
• 57:35
  career per SE, but. You sing.
• 57:37
  Kind of really, yeah. Professionally.
• 57:41
  As professionally as an amateur is going to get do.
• 57:43
  You get hired to sing. Yeah.
• 57:44
  So then you sing. I say if somebody's paying you
• 57:47
  for something, yeah, that means, you know.
• 57:49
  I do some exclusive events and. You have a dream of where you
• 57:52
  want to sing or speak. Is that something that you
• 57:54
  think? Andrea Bocelli.
• 57:55
  I've always wanted to sing with him.
• 57:56
  Really. Yeah.
• 57:57
  Should I tell you a horrible story?
• 57:58
  You've. Seen that type of that type?
• 57:59
  No, I don't, I think. Copper stuff on Opera more.
• 58:02
  I have like, AI, like singing hoppers and stuff, you know,
• 58:05
  like, and I do it for heartfelt, Yeah.
• 58:07
  Meaning, you know, meaningful moments.
• 58:10
  I do that. That's my Instagram.
• 58:11
  We like horrible stories. Yeah.
• 58:13
  No, it's horrible in the sense that I've always, I think Andrea
• 58:16
  Bocelli sings absolutely beautifully.
• 58:19
  And I can't remember what event it was.
• 58:21
  And he came to Gibraltar to do a concert.
• 58:24
  And one of the people behind the scenes who had arranged Bocelli
• 58:30
  coming to Gibraltar said to me, oh, had he told me you wanted to
• 58:33
  sing with him, I probably could have made it happen.
• 58:36
  And I'm just like, seriously? Yeah, OK.
• 58:38
  But it it didn't happen. But what?
• 58:42
  Kind of music do you like? I'm really an oldies fan.
• 58:47
  I like the old Jewish music, like the techno stuff of today
• 58:52
  really doesn't doesn't do it for.
• 58:54
  Me, you know Yasi Green Avada, he was on a.
• 58:56
  Podcast legend. Absolute legend.
• 58:58
  Yeah, you should listen to that one podcast.
• 59:00
  He was great. He.
• 59:02
  We realized there's a lot of depth to him beyond his music.
• 59:05
  There has to be. You can't produce.
• 59:07
  Music like that if you're if you're not if.
• 59:08
  You, like the two of you, would connect very well.
• 59:10
  I would love you should have made.
• 59:11
  He's a very worldly person. He also likes people.
• 59:14
  He also is a very big believer. He has a lot of Bataoon, right?
• 59:18
  And he's just very well, he's connected.
• 59:19
  He's connected his spirituality. Yeah.
• 59:22
  And you seem very similar in that in that sense.
• 59:24
  I want you to recognize though, Noiki, there's a lot of people
• 59:27
  that are not like that. I almost too many people, I want
• 59:31
  to say the majority, the majority of people are not
• 59:33
  connected with struggling, struggling like that.
• 59:36
  And as time goes on, we're getting more and more removed
• 59:39
  and there's more distractions. You think there's distractions,
• 59:42
  right, Right. It's going five years, wait 10
• 59:44
  years. You'll see what distraction
• 59:45
  really looks like. It's just getting worse.
• 59:47
  And this is probably the work of the the devil, let's call it.
• 59:52
  He's out there, he sees what the potential and he's hustling a
• 59:54
  man he's not. He has got good work ethic and
• 59:57
  he's putting more and more and more things out there in front
• 1:00:00
  of us. And that's just a strap because
• 1:00:01
  we're getting very close, I believe to the end of time.
• 1:00:03
  We're getting close, right? And he sees it's crunch time.
• 1:00:06
  We're in the fourth quarter, right?
• 1:00:07
  We're in the fourth quarter. It's late in the game.
• 1:00:09
  We're. Talking about it's 4th down
• 1:00:10
  time. It's 4th down time.
• 1:00:11
  How do you like that analogy from an Englishman?
• 1:00:13
  There you go. He feels all proud he worked out
• 1:00:15
  a real football analogy. I still don't know what it
• 1:00:18
  means, but go on I'm. Joking last two minutes, the
• 1:00:22
  fourth quarter, not just the fourth quarter, but the bottom
• 1:00:24
  line is I'm saying most of us are, it's, it's very
• 1:00:27
  challenging, it's struggling, it's very and it's, it's very
• 1:00:30
  daunting because I know our kids, my kids are going to have
• 1:00:33
  a bigger struggle than than I even had.
• 1:00:36
  And it's very nervous. So hearing you speak about all
• 1:00:38
  those things today, it makes sense to me.
• 1:00:40
  You're speaking logic and there's a lot of credence to
• 1:00:43
  what you're saying. I agree with it, but in a a part
• 1:00:46
  of me is sort of laughing it off.
• 1:00:48
  Like, yeah, easier said than done.
• 1:00:50
  That's like easier said than done.
• 1:00:51
  Thank you. You know, you're on to it.
• 1:00:54
  But now I got to execute it. Now I got to do it.
• 1:00:57
  Good luck. That's where all the work lies.
• 1:00:59
  Well, by the way, the work is wonderful, and I don't think we
• 1:01:02
  should shirk that. It's true.
• 1:01:05
  And by the way, if you want your children to be in a better
• 1:01:07
  place, I'm sorry to say it, Charlie, but you've got to be in
• 1:01:10
  a better place. That's it.
• 1:01:13
  You know, look in Shamar we say very Madam Espana from the
• 1:01:16
  dabberban, we talk about you want your kids to walk in a
• 1:01:18
  spiritual path and and that's the collective Valima de tem,
• 1:01:22
  right? And all of a sudden it says
• 1:01:24
  Bashir taha. But they say all of a sudden it
• 1:01:26
  goes, it goes singular. Why Moshi is talking to all of
• 1:01:30
  classes. I'm talking to all of the Jewish
• 1:01:31
  people and the answer is you want collectively Jewish people
• 1:01:35
  to have amazing kids, be amazing in your house.
• 1:01:37
  But when you sit in your what might you?
• 1:01:41
  I understand it's a nice idea, hard, but the better you are the
• 1:01:44
  better if your kids will be in your family and the people
• 1:01:45
  around you will will be happier if you're.
• 1:01:47
  Happy. And to make and to make ever a
• 1:01:49
  lasting change, you have to take small measures, small steps.
• 1:01:52
  Let's do little things. That's not really how do you,
• 1:01:56
  you do a lot of preaching and a lot of speaking and you work
• 1:01:59
  with teens and with families and with couples and you're amazing,
• 1:02:03
  by the way. I'd hire you.
• 1:02:04
  Like if I would love to sit with you for an hour, it's because
• 1:02:08
  you, you, you make me. I feel better.
• 1:02:10
  I feel a little bit better after after hearing these things,
• 1:02:13
  especially that water drip analogy.
• 1:02:15
  Thank you for saying that. That's.
• 1:02:16
  It made it made such a difference to me.
• 1:02:18
  That's gold. It's gold and that deeper
• 1:02:21
  analysis that you gave, because I thought of it always as the
• 1:02:23
  very basic thing that the way you know that anything over
• 1:02:26
  time, you know will eventually erode.
• 1:02:28
  But it's not that you missed the main point.
• 1:02:30
  If you put all of it at once, it won't.
• 1:02:31
  Nothing will happen. You put a little bit and then
• 1:02:33
  but. You agree with me that America
• 1:02:35
  is trying to do a bigger better. Fast.
• 1:02:36
  Always. Yeah, it's.
• 1:02:37
  Exactly the wrong thing to do. I mean, but America is the
• 1:02:39
  biggest, strongest country, so there's.
• 1:02:42
  This huge admiration for that. And by the way.
• 1:02:44
  The rest of the world always loves the hate in America, but
• 1:02:47
  everybody takes their money. Everybody takes their money.
• 1:02:50
  Let me ask them, what do you do for for work?
• 1:02:52
  How do you support yourself? How do you do you have like
• 1:02:55
  some? I work for the Jewish community
• 1:02:58
  of Gibraltar and have done for many decades help set up schools
• 1:03:04
  there. So I'm very involved in a boys
• 1:03:07
  high school, a girls high school and half of my time is spent
• 1:03:14
  very much under the radar. I call it in the trenches, you
• 1:03:17
  know, sitting with families. I have little groups of couples
• 1:03:23
  that or, or men, women and I just, I give sheer and we learn
• 1:03:26
  together. And it's just this principle,
• 1:03:29
  just in inaction, that's it. Just how can we be more present,
• 1:03:35
  less anxious, more focused? Doesn't mean not ambitious.
• 1:03:39
  Don't go get me wrong. It doesn't mean naive, it means
• 1:03:41
  just go about your challenges in a healthy way and when and
• 1:03:45
  perspective is so powerful, so powerful.
• 1:03:47
  Can I tell you an amazing story? There was I was I was hired to
• 1:03:53
  go to speak in Toronto a number of years ago and I remember
• 1:03:57
  saying this story, it was in this time of the year, it was in
• 1:03:58
  the Shiva, right? Nahamu Nahamu AMI, we're talking
• 1:04:01
  about having just come from tush above and Hashem says he wants
• 1:04:05
  us to be comforted. Comfort is a very, it's a very
• 1:04:08
  strong word, but it's also quite elusive.
• 1:04:10
  If you think about it. What's, what's Nahama?
• 1:04:13
  What's the root of the word Le nahem, right?
• 1:04:16
  It, it means you talk to somebody with insurmountable
• 1:04:18
  tragedy. And well, if you're British, say
• 1:04:20
  they're, they have a cup of tea. What, what do you do?
• 1:04:23
  Sorry for the sarcasm, but what, what does it, what does it mean?
• 1:04:26
  And I, it's, it's a concept that I struggled with a lot.
• 1:04:30
  And I do a lot of bereavement therapy.
• 1:04:32
  I do a lot of visits. I, you know, all the hospital
• 1:04:36
  visits of people who are dying and with their families,
• 1:04:38
  etcetera. And Gibraltar is very far.
• 1:04:40
  The custom is beautiful. They sit the whole time with the
• 1:04:43
  person and if the person's looks like they're slipping away, they
• 1:04:48
  say they do with them and Shamal with them.
• 1:04:49
  It's a very, very special cover, Khadisha.
• 1:04:52
  But again, the question, what does comfort look like?
• 1:04:55
  So I'll tell you a story which is astonishing, utterly
• 1:04:58
  astonishing. I said the story in in Canada,
• 1:04:59
  and I've said it many times, but I think it was in 2002, on
• 1:05:07
  September the 30th, Sergeant Ari Weiss was shot and killed by a
• 1:05:13
  sniper bullet, I think in Nablus.
• 1:05:16
  And Rabbi Stuart and Susie Weiss, who had emigrated to
• 1:05:21
  Israel from the United States, was sitting Shiva.
• 1:05:24
  Can you imagine for their, I think, 21 year old son?
• 1:05:27
  I think he was a few months shy of his 22nd birthday, if I've
• 1:05:30
  got the details correct. And Can you imagine these poor
• 1:05:34
  young Israeli soldiers, his his comrades, his platoon mates go
• 1:05:37
  to pay a Shiva visit And the proverbial, what do you say?
• 1:05:43
  You know, like, what does one say?
• 1:05:46
  What, what does a person say? And as they were, you know,
• 1:05:50
  shifting from foot to foot. But credit the Israeli societies
• 1:05:54
  where they show up, they they don't know what to say, but
• 1:05:56
  they're there anyways, which is arguably one of the most
• 1:05:58
  beautiful and powerful things we can do as people is just just be
• 1:06:01
  there. I'll just break off because I do
• 1:06:05
  this while I speak. I think it was Revario Levine
• 1:06:07
  who once was walking in the streets of Urushilaim and he saw
• 1:06:10
  a notice on the side of a door saying the the Shiva house this
• 1:06:13
  way. And he said a Jew is sitting
• 1:06:16
  Shiva. I don't know who they are.
• 1:06:17
  I'm going to go and pay a Shiva call.
• 1:06:19
  So the great holy Tariq Rivari Levine goes up the stairs, finds
• 1:06:23
  the corridor, goes down the alleyway and he finds this House
• 1:06:26
  of total strangers was sitting Shiva.
• 1:06:28
  And he shuffles in. Of course they see the great
• 1:06:30
  presence. They stand up, they have him sit
• 1:06:32
  down and he sits in the corner of the room and he just sits
• 1:06:34
  there quietly present, listening, hearing their tears.
• 1:06:39
  And after about 20 minutes of saying nothing, he stood up and
• 1:06:45
  he bowed his head and he said I'm mocha me nachemas.
• 1:06:48
  And he left. And you know, the Avalam said
• 1:06:51
  afterwards that was the greatest comfort.
• 1:06:54
  He comforted us that he I could just we could just feel he was
• 1:06:57
  with us sometimes not being a human doing just be a human
• 1:07:02
  being, just to be is so, so powerful.
• 1:07:06
  But these young soldiers, they came to Rabbi Stuart Weiss and
• 1:07:10
  his wife Susie, who was sitting Shiva.
• 1:07:12
  They came from America. They made aliyah.
• 1:07:15
  Their son signed up and like years later, they're burying
• 1:07:19
  him. It's like, what does one say?
• 1:07:22
  And as they were sitting there, sort of behind Rabbi Stuart
• 1:07:25
  Weiss was a a shelf, a mantelpiece.
• 1:07:29
  And on it was a mangled, twisted piece of metal.
• 1:07:33
  And one of the soldiers said, rabbi, is there, Isn't there a
• 1:07:37
  story behind that piece is a very odd ornament to keep in
• 1:07:41
  your front room. And Rabbi Stewart Weiss from
• 1:07:44
  sitting Shiva took it down off the shelf and was playing with
• 1:07:48
  it in his hands. And he was just looking at this
• 1:07:51
  mangled, twisted piece of metal and all of a sudden he burst out
• 1:07:56
  crying uncontrollably and he started to wail out loud and it
• 1:08:00
  was so awkward. Everybody in the room's like, Oh
• 1:08:03
  my gosh, what's going on? Did somebody didn't say
• 1:08:05
  anything? He, he was sitting fine 2
• 1:08:07
  minutes ago. And all of a sudden now and
• 1:08:09
  after what seemed like an absolute age, he put up his hand
• 1:08:13
  and he says, guys, I have to tell you something, I'm blown
• 1:08:15
  away. But he was like, couldn't talk.
• 1:08:18
  And eventually, eventually he composed himself and he says,
• 1:08:21
  guys, let me tell you a story. And he said, my wife and I
• 1:08:28
  always wanted to move to Israel. Israel's everything.
• 1:08:32
  This is our home. This is our place, he said.
• 1:08:35
  But we Americans, we were used to the luxuries of America.
• 1:08:40
  We love America. America's Got a lot of great
• 1:08:42
  stuff going on for it. Of course, people love to hate
• 1:08:44
  on it, but there's tons of good, tons of good, he said.
• 1:08:50
  But before we emigrated and before we moved to Israel, we
• 1:08:53
  said to ourselves, instead of sitting in our comfortable pods
• 1:08:55
  wherever we are in, you know, let's go out there.
• 1:08:59
  Let's, let's try and do a service for our Jewish brothers
• 1:09:02
  and sisters who are not being serviced.
• 1:09:05
  They're out in the middle of nowhere.
• 1:09:06
  And I think they went somewhere into the Midwest and they set up
• 1:09:10
  a youth like a hill house, like a youth place for where there
• 1:09:13
  was tons and tons of students. But no, no Shabbos programs
• 1:09:16
  going on. No, no, you know, and Roy
• 1:09:18
  Stewart Weiss set up a, a, a, a place, and he started to do
• 1:09:22
  curve in the middle of nowhere. And just across the way from him
• 1:09:26
  was a Reformed temple. And Rabbi Weiss made connections
• 1:09:30
  with the Reformed temple and sat down with the rabbi there and
• 1:09:34
  said, look, I'm an Orthodox rabbi.
• 1:09:35
  You're a Reformed rabbi. I know we disagree on a lot of
• 1:09:37
  stuff, but we can agree to disagree.
• 1:09:41
  I could still love you. It's a beautiful phrase.
• 1:09:44
  I love this. And I wish, as all Jews, we
• 1:09:46
  would adopt this. You can agree.
• 1:09:47
  Sorry. You can disagree without being
• 1:09:49
  disagreeable. We can disagree, but you end
• 1:09:52
  with a hug. Yeah, that's the way it has to
• 1:09:54
  be. I remember I once gave a speech
• 1:09:56
  and somebody was not happy with what I said.
• 1:09:58
  This happened to me, and I got a stinging, scathing attack
• 1:10:03
  e-mail. Right.
• 1:10:04
  And after I soothed myself off, it hurt.
• 1:10:07
  It hurt. And I took time before I
• 1:10:08
  answered. And I answered and I said
• 1:10:11
  something on the lines of, look, let's say this guy's a dentist.
• 1:10:14
  I wouldn't come into your practice and tell you how to do
• 1:10:16
  your job. I'm not a dentist.
• 1:10:18
  Last time I checked, you haven't done a degree in Smika and
• 1:10:24
  education and a degree in therapy.
• 1:10:26
  You want to question why I'm doing things?
• 1:10:28
  Be a Mensch. Come and ask me.
• 1:10:30
  Don't attack me. Don't tell me how I should do
• 1:10:31
  it, but express your concerns, preferably over coffee or lunch.
• 1:10:36
  And credit to this guy. The guy who attacked me says,
• 1:10:38
  absolutely, rabbit, let's do it. And we sat for a lunch.
• 1:10:41
  It was two hours, and we fought like cats and dogs.
• 1:10:44
  But at the end of it, he said to me, OK, Rabbi here, where you're
• 1:10:48
  coming from, it's not necessarily something I would
• 1:10:50
  have done or thought. But you know what?
• 1:10:51
  I'm significantly inspired to hear that.
• 1:10:53
  That's your message, and you're sticking by it.
• 1:10:55
  And I see where you're coming from.
• 1:10:56
  I have respect for you. I'm not going to do it.
• 1:10:58
  And we ended with a hug. You should know he's one of my
• 1:11:01
  fiercest staunch supporters today because you know, Weiss.
• 1:11:08
  Weiss did something similar. He sat with his Reform
• 1:11:11
  counterpart and he said to him, look, we don't have to agree,
• 1:11:15
  but we don't have to care about each other.
• 1:11:16
  Exactly. And they had a great
• 1:11:19
  relationship. They did.
• 1:11:21
  And it was time to wrap up and they were going to go to Israel.
• 1:11:25
  He said, do me a favor before I leave.
• 1:11:28
  Do me the honor. Be ambitious, be be daring.
• 1:11:32
  Give me your youth for Rusha baton.
• 1:11:36
  I know that Reform come with see what an authentic Shabbos looks
• 1:11:39
  like for us. You don't have to do it, and you
• 1:11:42
  don't even have to agree with it, but experience it, taste it,
• 1:11:45
  and then make the choice for yourself.
• 1:11:46
  Fair request. Right.
• 1:11:49
  And you know what, probably I would say I'm interjecting here
• 1:11:52
  because of the love and the bond that they had.
• 1:11:54
  This Reform rabbi agreed. All right.
• 1:11:56
  Stuart Weiss went home and said to his wife, Susie, this has to
• 1:11:58
  be the mother of Oshawa. So right there it has to be
• 1:12:02
  superbous. So they went.
• 1:12:03
  By there you go. Absolutely and so they went
• 1:12:06
  about organizing this spectacular weekend and they did
• 1:12:09
  they put all their energy into it and it was a special Shabbos.
• 1:12:14
  They took out some resort and by Stuart wise as he's sitting
• 1:12:17
  there sitting Shiva St. to the crowd, he said, as long as I
• 1:12:20
  live, I'll never forget the name of the place that we went to.
• 1:12:23
  It was called Oconomowoc WI like some Red Indian name.
• 1:12:28
  You don't have to be allowed to say that anymore, right?
• 1:12:30
  Guardians names, right, Right. This English guy knows OK, he's
• 1:12:35
  up to speak. There you go, right.
• 1:12:38
  An Indian name, Oconomowoc, WI. And he said you should know that
• 1:12:41
  Shabbos was the angels were with us.
• 1:12:45
  It was gorgeous. We linked arm in arm from
• 1:12:48
  teenager with none from teenager.
• 1:12:50
  We made bonds for life. And he said, as I sit here
• 1:12:54
  today, many years later, there are still some of those
• 1:12:56
  teenagers who were on that trip who are now fully fledged,
• 1:12:59
  committed Jews because of that love, because of that Shabbos.
• 1:13:02
  I'll treasure that Shabbos as long as I live.
• 1:13:06
  He said it was my greatest achievement as a rabbi.
• 1:13:08
  It was so moving. It was so meaningful, It was so
• 1:13:11
  deep. He said, I'm sitting here
• 1:13:15
  mourning the loss of my young child.
• 1:13:17
  There's nothing anyone in the world can say that will make me
• 1:13:20
  feel better. No one.
• 1:13:24
  He said that this is amazing because last year my son got hit
• 1:13:29
  by a bullet. When you know how the Israeli
• 1:13:31
  soldiers, they fling their rifles across their chest and
• 1:13:34
  the butt is up this way. And very often with a gumi is an
• 1:13:38
  extra clip, an extra magazine clip, right?
• 1:13:40
  He said the magazine clip was over my son's heart and the
• 1:13:44
  bullet hit it and ricocheted off and he was with broken ribs and
• 1:13:47
  everything. But I keep that piece of metal
• 1:13:50
  of his quick clip on my shelf all the time, just as a reminder
• 1:13:54
  of the day my son's life was saved.
• 1:13:56
  He said, it seems that the United States, they're sending
• 1:14:00
  stuff over to Israel and they're supplying our military with some
• 1:14:04
  equipment. Because as I hold this magazine
• 1:14:07
  clip in my hand, I kid you not, He said, I see on the bottom it
• 1:14:11
  says made in Oconomowoc, WI. I got goosebumps just saying it.
• 1:14:16
  Well, he said, I can only assume Hashem's talking to me and
• 1:14:21
  saying to me, Rabbi, your son's number was up a long time ago.
• 1:14:26
  I gave you another year. I gave you more time.
• 1:14:28
  And if we could look at life like that, if we could look at
• 1:14:31
  life like that, everybody knows life ends.
• 1:14:34
  This is a a journey. We're only on a journey.
• 1:14:37
  Money or no money, we're on a journey.
• 1:14:40
  And what we have to achieve in this lifetime is precious.
• 1:14:45
  It's infinite, but we're doing it with our finite hands.
• 1:14:49
  He said. It's so interesting.
• 1:14:51
  He said what what is nahama? The word Nahama lanakhan can
• 1:14:53
  also mean to relook at the same thing, just look at it with a
• 1:14:56
  different perspective to reconsider by inochem Hashem, he
• 1:15:00
  said, I'm truly comforted. I look at my son's death now not
• 1:15:04
  as a death of a young man, but have a privilege of having had
• 1:15:08
  extra time with the most profound, wonderful neshama and
• 1:15:12
  I get to call in mind and I got to he said.
• 1:15:14
  Hashem, it's the biggest gift. That's amazing, right, Nike?
• 1:15:19
  You know, I knew you when we were 1718.
• 1:15:22
  You were not like this. We were just, we were playing
• 1:15:24
  soccer, we were doing karate and gun soccer, right?
• 1:15:27
  We were having a good time. Yeah.
• 1:15:30
  I knew you had something in you and it's been a long time.
• 1:15:32
  I think I haven't seen you in over 3 decades, bro.
• 1:15:35
  Like, this is amazing. This.
• 1:15:36
  Is the first time you've seen? The I mean, no, we hung out.
• 1:15:38
  We hung out two days ago, Yeah, for the first time in 2028
• 1:15:41
  years. But we haven't had a meaningful.
• 1:15:42
  Conversation, I feel like I got a free therapy session, you
• 1:15:45
  know, so I got so like inspired by you.
• 1:15:48
  You're an inspiring person. You really are.
• 1:15:50
  And the stories that you said touch the heart, especially that
• 1:15:53
  last story really took the cake. Thank you.
• 1:15:55
  And you know what? I'm leaving today.
• 1:15:56
  A better person for it like this is going to sit with me.
• 1:15:58
  That means a lot. It's really going to sit with me
• 1:16:00
  and I hope our listeners are going to appreciate it as much
• 1:16:03
  as I am, and I think they will. Very hard not to let words enter
• 1:16:07
  into your heart. That's coming from the heart and
• 1:16:09
  what's clear about what you're doing.
• 1:16:10
  And Michael, you guys met each other, you know, the last time,
• 1:16:12
  30 years ago, He went in One Direction, he went in another
• 1:16:15
  direction. You, you went in the business
• 1:16:17
  sector, into the business world and very successful.
• 1:16:20
  He went into, you know, the Hennock and the education, you
• 1:16:23
  know, the people business and also being very successful.
• 1:16:27
  And it's just two different journeys.
• 1:16:28
  It's funny how you're colliding again, all these loving and you
• 1:16:31
  could still learn from one another after all these years.
• 1:16:33
  It's unbelievable. Yeah, it's amazing.
• 1:16:34
  And what's also amazing is that, you know, usually we started
• 1:16:37
  asking our guests, you know, for a message or who your mentor
• 1:16:41
  was. I'm finding that we don't have
• 1:16:42
  to ask it anymore. Oh my God, we got a bunch of
• 1:16:44
  it's. Just coming out naturally to say
• 1:16:46
  something, right? Exactly.
• 1:16:47
  Your message right? What do you think?
• 1:16:48
  Been doing it the last so I love you.
• 1:16:50
  Been listening where you been? Compliments to all of us in
• 1:16:54
  terms of what we're doing and our growth here on the None of
• 1:16:56
  Your Business podcast. And it's been amazing.
• 1:16:59
  We can't wrap up though, without our staple of asking you, who
• 1:17:03
  would you recommend who would fill that seat?
• 1:17:05
  Well, I think you know about that question that we're going
• 1:17:08
  to come to. So do you have anyone in mind
• 1:17:09
  that you would think of that would be a good guest here?
• 1:17:13
  That there's many, many, many people that will come to mind.
• 1:17:16
  But there's, there's one I think brilliant speaker historian, his
• 1:17:21
  name is are by Aubrey Hirsch. He works for the JLE in London
• 1:17:24
  and and he's a fascinating person just because he's a
• 1:17:27
  wealth of knowledge. He's super detail orientated.
• 1:17:30
  He's been like done hundreds and hundreds of trips to Poland.
• 1:17:33
  He knows about our history so much.
• 1:17:35
  And I think he's a fascinating person to talk to.
• 1:17:37
  Yeah. He lives in London.
• 1:17:38
  He. Comes to, he comes.
• 1:17:39
  Here he comes here. What I'm going to do is there he
• 1:17:42
  is. You see his name?
• 1:17:42
  Aubrey Hirsch, right? We'll do this.
• 1:17:45
  Lean in, everyone. Right?
• 1:17:47
  Is she? You there?
• 1:17:48
  I can't get you in. Yep.
• 1:17:53
  And I'm just going to say there's the picture.
• 1:17:55
  You could see it. Sure, absolutely.
• 1:17:56
  Looks great. Think you should be on this
• 1:18:01
  podcast? Amazing, amazing.
• 1:18:04
  All right. Before we leave, do you have any
• 1:18:05
  questions for us? Yeah, what's this podcast all
• 1:18:07
  about? It's turned into a very
• 1:18:11
  meaningful growth oriented podcast, things that that we're
• 1:18:14
  taking from people, you know, we, we both bring a tremendous
• 1:18:18
  value to the listeners and it has a depth, meaning and also an
• 1:18:23
  entertaining and a fun. So you talk about happiness and
• 1:18:26
  fun. I think that's what we're all
• 1:18:28
  about beautiful. And I really like that.
• 1:18:31
  I like that Reader's Digest title, you know, happiness and
• 1:18:34
  fun. That's, that's really what it's
• 1:18:35
  all about here and we're loving it.
• 1:18:37
  So thank you everyone for joining and thank you to all of
• 1:18:40
  our listeners, our subscribers, our commenters.
• 1:18:42
  We're loving the growth. Thank you to the Prime Source
• 1:18:44
  production team, Thank you so much for Twillery, Alamela
• 1:18:46
  Bloomstein, and thank you to Saki and Yakov Langer for really
• 1:18:50
  bringing it out of us and making it happen.
• 1:18:52
  And. That's a Rep.
• 1:18:53
  That's a Rep.