Latest / Pretty In Pink Again / Episode 82: Why Do Moms Feel Like EVERYTHING Is a Priority? The Mental Load of Doing It All

Transcript

Episode 82: Why Do Moms Feel Like EVERYTHING Is a Priority? The Mental Load of Doing It All · Pretty In Pink Again

• 0:00
  I'm Christina.
• 0:00
  And I'm T.
• 0:01
  And this is the Pretty in Pink Again podcast.
• 0:03
  Where motherhood meets rediscovery.
• 0:16
  Hello.
• 0:16
  Hi.
• 0:17
  How are you?
• 0:18
  I'm great.
• 0:19
  Yeah?
• 0:19
  I'm great.
• 0:19
  It's so pretty out.
• 0:20
  It is.
• 0:20
  Like, look Out the window.
• 0:21
  Gorgeous.
• 0:21
  It's so nice out.
• 0:22
  I know.
• 0:22
  We're in the peak fall right now.
• 0:24
  I'm kinda cold and chilly- Mm and I'm drinking bone broth, but I'm like,"Oh, it's such a beautiful Friday." It is so pretty.
• 0:31
  So we're going to a Knicks game tonight.
• 0:33
  Yeah.
• 0:34
  And I'm already, mentally preparing having to stay up until, 1:00 AM.
• 0:37
  That's crazy.
• 0:37
  Actually, what's wrong with me?
• 0:39
  Actually crazy.
• 0:40
  I don't know how.
• 0:41
  What keeps happening to me recently is I am exhausted at, like,, 9:00.
• 0:48
  Like, and I'm putting the kids to bed, like, within the hour before, and I'll, reset the kitchen.
• 0:55
  I'm like,"Okay, I'm so tired," but then I want downtime.
• 0:58
  I wanna just, veg out- Mm-hmm watch something, and then I will, and I wake up.
• 1:04
  I get,, like, a second wind, and so I have not been able to fall asleep all week until midnight or later- No which is insane.
• 1:11
  What have you been doing between 9:00 and midnight?
• 1:13
  Are you watching something?
• 1:14
  I'm watching something, but then I'm trying to go to bed at, like, 10:00.
• 1:17
  Reasonable.
• 1:18
  Yeah.
• 1:18
  Like, I just need, like, an hour to unwind at the end of the day.
• 1:21
  What are you watching?
• 1:21
  We've been watching Widow's Pe- Is it Widow's Peak or Widow's Bay?
• 1:25
  It's one.
• 1:25
  Oh.
• 1:25
  I forget what it is.
• 1:26
  It's on Apple TV.
• 1:27
  Ooh.
• 1:28
  It's really good.
• 1:28
  It's kind of, like, perfect for this time of year- Oh, I wanna watch it'cause it's kinda spooky.
• 1:32
  We just finished- But it's fun neighbors and Friends.
• 1:33
  Oh, that's- Have you ever seen that?
• 1:34
  Yes, yes.
• 1:35
  So good.
• 1:35
  And we're watching Dancing With the Stars.
• 1:37
  Of course, of course.
• 1:38
  Ob- obsessed.
• 1:39
  Ob- Did you watch Dedication Night?
• 1:41
  Of course.
• 1:41
  Uh, who was your favorite?
• 1:43
  Tyler.
• 1:44
  Tyler's your favorite?
• 1:45
  I I loved the pregnancy announcement.
• 1:47
  Yeah, that was epic.
• 1:49
  So good.
• 1:50
  That was epic.
• 1:50
  So good.
• 1:51
  What did you think of the 10 Things I Hate About You tri- tribute to Heath Ledger?
• 1:54
  I have thoughts.
• 1:55
  You have thoughts?
• 1:56
  I feel like it was a bit performative, but I'm so obsessed with that movie, so I feel like s- seeing, like, the whole cast- Well, the performance was good the performance was good, but, like, it was kinda random.
• 2:08
  You know?
• 2:09
  Like, that she dedicated it to him, but I feel like it was for, it was performative, so, like, the whole cast would come.
• 2:15
  It was, like, kind of, like, the moment.
• 2:17
  But- Everything is performative Of course Everything is performative.
• 2:22
  But, like, I didn't get, like, in my feels about it.
• 2:24
  Yeah.
• 2:24
  Like, there was a lot of performances where I was, like, in my feels, but I love Dancing with the Stars.
• 2:29
  We're going to see the tour again.
• 2:31
  Excited for that.
• 2:31
  Obsessed.
• 2:32
  So I love Daniella.
• 2:34
  She's, like, my favorite female pro.
• 2:36
  She, and she's not going.
• 2:36
  She's not going- She's not?
• 2:37
  on the tour this year, no.
• 2:38
  Oh.
• 2:39
  Which is a bummer.
• 2:40
  I like, so I like her and Ezra this year.
• 2:41
  Me too.
• 2:41
  I love them.
• 2:42
  I'm also really into her husband, Pasha.
• 2:44
  What's his name?
• 2:44
  Love him.
• 2:45
  Pasha?
• 2:46
  And I like his- Partner, Amber um, partner, Amber.
• 2:49
  Yeah, they're great.
• 2:49
  They are so good this year too.
• 2:50
  So good, I know.
• 2:51
  So I'm enjoying, like, watching different pros- Mm-hmm that I wouldn't always, like, root for- Yeah that I'm like,"Aw-" Oh, I love them I'm all for you.
• 2:57
  They're my favorite couple.
• 2:58
  I love them.
• 2:59
  They're so cute.
• 3:00
  So good.
• 3:01
  Yeah, we are very much into Dancing With the Stars.
• 3:03
  Us too.
• 3:04
  So we went, I went yesterday to visit Christine up in Saratoga.
• 3:07
  Mm-hmm.
• 3:07
  It was the loveliest day.
• 3:10
  We, like, unwound.
• 3:12
  I mean, she has four kids also, and a very, very, very busy life, and it was just so nice to just spend time together.
• 3:20
  We went for a walk, we took the dog, I took the dog with me- Mm-hmm so the dogs were together.
• 3:25
  We got our hair blown out.
• 3:26
  We, like, popped into some of these little shops.
• 3:28
  We saw her new house.
• 3:29
  It was just such a lovely day.
• 3:32
  That's so nice.
• 3:33
  It was such a lovely day, but we were at lunch and the waiter brought us over p- slices of cheese, and he's like- Like a charcuterie board?
• 3:40
  No, like slices of cheese, like deli cheese.
• 3:43
  Why?
• 3:44
  And he was like,"Do you guys like cheese?" And we were like,"Yeah, we love cheese," and we got all excited.
• 3:48
  They were for the dog.
• 3:50
  Oh.
• 3:50
  The dogs.
• 3:50
  He was bringing us over slices of cheese for the dogs.
• 3:53
  And I was laughing.
• 3:54
  I was like, I thought I was so clever the other day.
• 3:56
  I made this funny Instagram reel.
• 3:57
  Like, my kids will never know the pleasure of getting a slice of free cheese handed to them at the deli counter.
• 4:03
  Wait, do they not do that anymore?
• 4:05
  Well, first of all, I don't think my kids go to the grocery store.
• 4:07
  Oh, yeah, well, like we don't go to the deli counter anymore.
• 4:09
  And also I rarely even go to the deli counter- Yeah, for sure never mind, like, bring my kids to the deli counter.
• 4:16
  If I have to go to the deli counter, like I've been saying, I've had to go to the grocery store- Right because Whole Foods decides that they don't wanna deliver on the days that I need them.
• 4:25
  So I have to go out to the grocery store, and I will do anything to not have to stand at the deli counter- To avoid it and, like, have to go through the ordering process.
• 4:34
  It's like anxiety central.
• 4:36
  I did it last week.
• 4:37
  I went to Big Y, and I stood in line for boar's head, and I got like...
• 4:41
  'Cause I wanted, like, shaved ham for one kid and sliced turkey for the other kid, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 4:47
  We're trying to up our lunch game.
• 4:49
  And I stood in line, and I made eye contact with the deli counter- So awkward and he gave me a slice of free cheese, and I was like- Oh, you got it?
• 4:56
  I got the free cheese.
• 4:57
  Oh, wow.
• 4:57
  And then it happened again at, like, lunch the other day, and it just made me remember, like, there are some things in life that my kids are never gonna understand.
• 5:05
  We still have to do an episode all about, like, nostalgic things, and what a random memory.
• 5:10
  But yes, the deli counter free slice of cheese.
• 5:14
  Yeah, but that free slice of cheese- I don't think my kids have ever gotten one.
• 5:16
  That slice of cheese kept me quiet for at least 20 minutes- Yeah, that's the whole point which it is a lot.
• 5:20
  That's the whole point.
• 5:21
  Until we got to the popsicle aisle- Exactly and then Mom would just start handing me popsicles.
• 5:25
  Yeah.
• 5:25
  Oh, I thought you meant now it kept you quiet.
• 5:27
  That too.
• 5:28
  It also kept me quiet.
• 5:29
  But anyway.
• 5:29
  So what are we gonna talk about today?
• 5:32
  So I always get inspiration from other podcasts and Instagram and socials and I listened to a podcast the other day about juggling- and how I feel like, all I'm doing is juggling.
• 5:47
  It kind of created a mental image in my head, and it was like the goal is not to drop balls.
• 5:51
  Like, you can drop balls.
• 5:53
  Like, you're not meant to keep everything up in the air and everything perfect.
• 5:56
  Yeah.
• 5:57
  Yeah.
• 5:57
  But the goal is to drop a rubber ball because a rubber ball will bounce back up again, and then you have another chance to take care of it.
• 6:04
  Okay.
• 6:04
  The goal is to not drop a glass ball because a glass ball will shatter, and you won't have another opportunity.
• 6:10
  And I loved that image.
• 6:12
  Analogy.
• 6:13
  Yep.
• 6:13
  I loved that analogy, and then it made me think,"What are things in my life that are glass balls and rubber balls?" And I would love to, like, unpack that with you'cause I think when you, once you figure out how to prioritize what's a glass ball, what's a rubber ball- Mm-hmm Then you don't feel like you have to stand there and juggle and take care of everything.
• 6:31
  That's true.
• 6:31
  Just the pressure is alleviated.
• 6:33
  It is a good way to think of things, but- I guess aren't there points of your life where you feel like everything is a glass ball?
• 6:40
  I'm sure there is.
• 6:41
  Yeah.
• 6:42
  I'm sure there is, and I'm curious, at some point, when do you have to just, like, sit down and, like, place them down place them down- Right and not have to carry them all with you throughout the day?
• 6:51
  And don't you feel like sometimes that not only are, like, all the things glass balls, but I also feel like things change, like, season to season, so sometimes everything is so important.
• 7:01
  Sometimes you're able to, prioritize the really, really important stuff, but I don't know.
• 7:05
  I feel like as time is going on, everything feels very important, and it's hard to juggle it all.
• 7:12
  And see, I kind of feel the opposite.
• 7:14
  You do?
• 7:14
  I feel like things are less important- Interesting as time goes on, and I think it's my perspective has shifted.
• 7:20
  Okay.
• 7:20
  Like, I used to think that if my house wasn't clean- Mm-hmm that was gonna be the end of the world.
• 7:25
  Right.
• 7:25
  And actually, I think that a dirty house will be there tomorrow.
• 7:29
  Now, again, I think that if you neglect things forever and ever and ever, that becomes a whole other set of issues.
• 7:35
  But I also used to think, like, if I didn't work out every morning- that would be the end of my day.
• 7:39
  If I miss one workout, it's not gonna be the end of the day.
• 7:42
  Like, I actually think that th- those things would've been glass balls, and they're actually not.
• 7:47
  I think that they're rubber balls.
• 7:48
  Yeah, but if they're always rubber balls, then how do you ever prioritize them?
• 7:53
  So not only are you juggling all the things, but You're juggling your perspective on all of the things all of the time.
• 8:01
  You're having to juggle what is more important and what becomes a rubber ball and what becomes a glass ball, and today this is a glass ball, and today, tomorrow this is a- So you're saying, like, deciding on what's important- Yes takes up mental space for you?
• 8:14
  Yes, 100%, because I think that, like you just said, missing the workout is not that big of a deal once, right?
• 8:22
  But okay, but tomorrow, if you miss it again, it starts to eat away at you, or that's at least what it does to me.
• 8:29
  So I have a hard time prioritizing things because I think everything is a priority.
• 8:35
  So you think everything is a glass ball?
• 8:36
  And I'm like, if we're talking about balls, I'm like balls to the wall all the time.
• 8:40
  Like, that's what I'm like.
• 8:41
  Like, so if I'm in a phase where I feel like everything is important, I'm putting my all into every single thing, and that's when I get very burnt out.
• 8:51
  So what are some things in your life currently that you feel like is a glass ball?
• 8:57
  So w- Like, you wouldn't get a second chance if it fell tomorrow.
• 9:02
  So obviously Being present and spending time with my family is a glass ball for me.
• 9:07
  work is a, a glass ball for me.
• 9:10
  Currently, working out is a glass ball for me because it's making me feel a lot better, and prioritizing myself is a glass ball for me probably over the last year and a half, my mental health, my physical health, so that can all go in one ball.
• 9:26
  Mm-hmm.
• 9:26
  Like, having time, for myself, making the time to work out, making the time to try to, like, wake up before the kids.
• 9:33
  Like, all of that is, like, very, very important to me.
• 9:36
  Spending time with my family is also very important to me.
• 9:39
  And then my work is, like, essential for me because that's how I make a living.
• 9:44
  I have to, I have to put my energy into that.
• 9:46
  And it's different being self-employed too, because it's, I have to keep myself motivated all the time to do that.
• 9:53
  So then there's all the little things- So motivation and inspiration- Yes are, like, subspecialties- Yes of that.
• 9:59
  For sure.
• 9:59
  Well, they're like necessities because I need to keep myself motivated.
• 10:02
  I need to keep myself accountable so that I can keep everything going, I can keep the ball rolling.
• 10:08
  We'll just keep the metaphors going- Right this episode.
• 10:11
  And then under that, you know, like, my rubber balls may be a clean house.
• 10:16
  That's not my husband's rubber ball.
• 10:18
  my ru- rubber ball is His glass ball, so it's har- it's like then you factor that in, right?
• 10:23
  Where if you're living with people in your household, you're kind of juggling their balls too, correct?
• 10:29
  I think that is definitely a way that I've looked at things before.
• 10:34
  Okay.
• 10:35
  But I think that I'm less wrapped up in the other people's stuff, and I'm just- Yeah, but- currently wor- worrying about my day-to-day.
• 10:45
  Right.
• 10:46
  But if your husband was concerned about a clean house and that's not a priority to you, that's friction.
• 10:53
  Yeah.
• 10:54
  No, I agree.
• 10:54
  I agree.
• 10:55
  So that's-- I do think that there's a lot of we're calling it, like, juggling all the things, but then you're also juggling how you juggle all the things.
• 11:04
  Right.
• 11:04
  It's very layered.
• 11:05
  Okay.
• 11:06
  So what about if you just made it basic, like day to actual day?
• 11:11
  For instance, like if you have an immediate to-do list- Mm-hmm that you have to get through.
• 11:14
  Mm-hmm.
• 11:14
  What are things that are time-sensitive that you have to get done today?
• 11:17
  Well, that's kind of how I live my life, is I try to go day to day, and I can't have everything all at once happening simultaneously, so I have to day to day say,"Okay, today is, like, a very important work day.
• 11:31
  I have to get this done.
• 11:33
  I have to prepare for this.
• 11:35
  I have a podcast to shoot.
• 11:36
  And that's, There's no juggling that one out.
• 11:41
  Like, that's gotta stay up- Mm-hmm in the air.
• 11:43
  And then- A weekend might come, and work goes completely on the back burner.
• 11:48
  Again, very hard when you're self-employed because I feel like I should always be working, and, like, life doesn't stop on the weekend, and I don't clock out on Friday and clock back in Monday.
• 11:57
  So, like, that's stressful to me when I have to, like, shelve it to be present with my family all weekend.
• 12:03
  'Cause that's also a priority.
• 12:04
  'Cause that's now a glass ball, and so, like, maybe work becomes the rubber ball on the weekend, and the glass ball is family because that's our special time to be together.
• 12:14
  And maybe some house stuff, right?
• 12:16
  So, like, when I- when the rubber ball was the cleaning and keeping up with the house all week, like, now that's a glass ball on the weekend.
• 12:24
  So I feel like I'm constantly juggling all those things.
• 12:28
  That, to me, is exhausting.
• 12:30
  It sounds like you don't like this theory.
• 12:33
  I like- I think the theory applies, but I'm stuck in it, right?
• 12:38
  So I'm curious to know your thoughts and how you can reframe maybe my mind.
• 12:43
  Yeah.
• 12:44
  So I guess I don't think I was thinking as big picture as you.
• 12:47
  I think I was p- thinking a little bit more hour to hour, day to day- Okay with my tasks because I think I was, like, pushing a lot of things off- Mm-hmm And I would be like, you know- Folding laundry and mopping the floors were, I was like, that took two hours today, but I have like actual time-sensitive bills to pay, or I have like things for my kids, like immediate registration things.
• 13:09
  Right.
• 13:09
  Or like Joseph has to write an essay that's due for s- high school application- And that has to go out in like two weeks Right, exactly that has to go out.
• 13:16
  Or like I have a work project due on this day or, you know, this and that.
• 13:21
  Like I was, I am thinking more like time-sensitive- Okay things.
• 13:25
  And I think when the family accepts that these are the high-level priority things that are time-sensitive, then maybe everybody's a little bit more understanding if not every load of laundry is done, to the fullest.
• 13:39
  And obviously we prioritize our family time.
• 13:43
  Of course.
• 13:43
  But it's almost like, well, sometimes it, we can't have it to the max because there's other- things that are taking precedence right now at this time.
• 13:52
  Mm-hmm.
• 13:52
  And I almost feel like yesterday I had like a day to myself where I like enjoyed it with a friend, and I would've felt very guilty about not being busy and not being productive and not getting all the chores done.
• 14:05
  I mean, you should see the condition that Christina just walked into this house today.
• 14:08
  It was an absolute pigsty because I was gone all day yesterday.
• 14:13
  But because I've like shifted my mentality to that protecting a friendship with an old friend is, to me, a glass ball- Mm-hmm that it was, you know what?
• 14:22
  I'm going to go and do this today- So what was the shift?
• 14:26
  for the day.
• 14:26
  Because this has always been, like you've been a mom for 13 years.
• 14:31
  How, what was the shift?
• 14:32
  Because I think it's less exhausting to live with this mindset than the thinking of, like, constant big picture all the time.
• 14:39
  Mm.
• 14:39
  Like, I have to have these six buckets constantly going, and these are all glass balls, and these are all so important, and I can't drop one because otherwise it's doomsday.
• 14:50
  Right.
• 14:50
  But I feel like living in that spiral is worse.
• 14:55
  It is, and it's also very mentally exhausting, and this- that is a huge part of what causes burnout, which we've talked about, like, a million times on here, and I suffer tremendously from burnout.
• 15:07
  Like, I feel like I will just go balls to the wall un- until I am just burnt to a crisp, and then I have to, like, come down from that and build it back up, and then start it all over again.
• 15:21
  Like, that's literally what happens to me.
• 15:22
  Don't you remember reading that book when you were, like, in elementary school about, like, the tortoise and the hare?
• 15:29
  Yes.
• 15:29
  And how the tortoise just, like, went slow and steady.
• 15:33
  This is literally- And he won I am the hare.
• 15:34
  I run.
• 15:35
  He won.
• 15:35
  He won the race.
• 15:36
  I, I run- and then I take a fricking nap, right- because I'm so burnt out, and then I'm back at it again, and I'm behind.
• 15:44
  That's literally the story of my life.
• 15:46
  Yeah.
• 15:46
  Like- Like, he ki- he won the race.
• 15:48
  He won the race, slow and steady.
• 15:51
  Yeah.
• 15:51
  Again, nothing is, nothing certainly nothing is perfect here.
• 15:54
  Yeah.
• 15:54
  But I just keep, like, trying to p- think about things that are, like, of the utmost importance- Yeah like today.
• 16:02
  Right now- Right in this moment.
• 16:03
  What needs to be done right now?
• 16:05
  Well, that's a healthy way to think of things, and it's also just if you, it's almost like you can prioritize and, like, color code it, right?
• 16:13
  Like, anything in red is, like, must do today, and then, like, yellow and green.
• 16:18
  It's like the it's just bucketing things.
• 16:21
  Right.
• 16:21
  Like this analogy, but I struggle with that.
• 16:24
  And I think that, again, the constant moving of the things because not everything is consistent, and I like consistency.
• 16:33
  I like when I'm just like,"Well, this is important, and this isn't as big of a deal." And if that was consistent day to day, then I probably would get into a rhythm.
• 16:42
  But as a mother, as a business owner, as a, a wife, as a friend, as...
• 16:48
  There's so many things to juggle all the time, so it's the juggling of the juggling that I struggle with, again.
• 16:55
  I think when I was looking at this list of things to help, somebody prioritize into different buckets- Mm-hmm and help like sort everyday responsibilities into different life buckets.
• 17:05
  So like health, for instance, is of one of your utmost priorities.
• 17:09
  So like a rubber ball could be if you missed one workout or one walk.
• 17:13
  But you're saying that you feel like missing one could turn into missing multiple.
• 17:20
  Well, that- And then you feel like you're giving up that whole bucket.
• 17:25
  That sometimes, it's the inconsistency of things being the priority, right?
• 17:33
  So it's the juggling of the priorities.
• 17:36
  What's the priority today?
• 17:38
  And you're saying that you go through that hour by hour, moment by moment, like, okay, right now I have all these things in my mind.
• 17:45
  It's almost like if you pictured like a browser tab, and you have like all these tabs open all the time, and you're like,"Okay, I'm on this tab right now, and then like these ones will wait until I get to them." I find that very exhausting to constantly do.
• 17:59
  You're saying that you like thrive that way.
• 18:01
  Like you can go moment to moment and be like,"What is the priority right now?
• 18:05
  What is a rubber ball?
• 18:06
  What ball can I drop?
• 18:07
  And what is a ball that needs to stay up?" And you can constantly do that.
• 18:12
  I find that constantly doing that is exhausting.
• 18:16
  Not how my mind likes to operate.
• 18:19
  Okay.
• 18:19
  So I s- it's almost like a battle that way.
• 18:21
  So then it's almost like you have to have your six things done every day in order for you to feel like- Accomplished accomplished.
• 18:27
  100%.
• 18:28
  And I feel like I'm very hard on myself.
• 18:30
  I think I'm getting better as time's going on, but I've always had a hard time when I prioritize everything, right?
• 18:39
  It's like everything's important, and then if something drops, I have a hard time with that dropping.
• 18:43
  Right, and you- Even if it's a rubber ball but you're just saying that you do prioritize everything.
• 18:48
  I'm that, I like to prioritize everything.
• 18:50
  You are.
• 18:50
  You are prioritizing everything.
• 18:51
  I like to prioritize everything.
• 18:52
  But it's hard to prioritize everything.
• 18:54
  It's not possible.
• 18:55
  It's not possible.
• 18:55
  It's exhausting because if your whole goal is to s- be like mentally stable- Mm-hmm you can't do that and also prioritize 600 things at the same time- But this is a re- every single day.
• 19:07
  This is the inner workings of a recovering perfectionist.
• 19:11
  This is literally how my mind works.
• 19:13
  So I struggle with all those things.
• 19:16
  Like I struggle having all the balls up in the air, and I'm stressed not knowing how to manage them all because they're all supposed to be up in the air in my mind.
• 19:25
  Even if mentally you were to know it's not possible and it, we are not meant to actually do that.
• 19:32
  We are meant to let some go at some times.
• 19:34
  Right.
• 19:34
  And then we get a second chance to make it good again.
• 19:37
  Because if you keep everything up in the air, nothing will ever be perfect.
• 19:41
  And you can't even keep them all up in the air, so they all end up falling down.
• 19:44
  That's literally like it, that's, this analogy is Pretty amazing if you think about it.
• 19:50
  I like visual things, so I feel like when I see it, it's like,"No, you can't possibly keep them all up in the air." Something has to fall.
• 19:57
  Like- Right.
• 19:58
  No, I, I agree.
• 19:59
  I mean, I think, if you just go through your day, like health, every day you wanna move your body.
• 20:03
  Mm-hmm.
• 20:03
  Right?
• 20:04
  Let's say you missed your workout today- Mm-hmm because between 9:00 and 10:00 where you do your workout- Mm-hmm you had to do an important work call that was, that took precedence.
• 20:12
  Right.
• 20:12
  Is it possible to walk later in the day- Mm-hmm and move your body later in the day?
• 20:16
  Or in your mind, does it feel like if it's not done between this time and this time,'cause that's the consistent routine- That's how I am you're done for?
• 20:23
  Yes, that's how I am.
• 20:24
  So I feel like the shift needs to be, A, one day- Flexibility.
• 20:28
  it's gonna be okay, or B, you can walk a little bit later in the day, like you'll get it in, that's a healthy mindset.
• 20:35
  That's not how I operate.
• 20:37
  Like, I wish that.
• 20:38
  In a world where I wish that my mind could operate like that- Right but it just doesn't.
• 20:43
  I, and I can say to myself"Okay, this is not a big deal," but it, like, s- eats away at me.
• 20:49
  I think...
• 20:49
  Okay, let's go into parenting.
• 20:51
  Okay.
• 20:51
  Ugh.
• 20:52
  Like- Oh.
• 20:52
  Like, okay, a rubber ball would be maybe missing one practice or making an easy dinner, like a beige dinner- for one night.
• 21:02
  And I think that maybe for somebody who is a perfectionist, like, missing, like they wanna be at every single practice- Yes and serve a balanced, multicolored- Mm-hmm you know, perfect meal to their family every night.
• 21:13
  But in my opinion, those are like rubber balls.
• 21:15
  Like, you'll get a chance tomorrow to go to a practice.
• 21:17
  You'll get a chance tomorrow to make a better meal for your family.
• 21:22
  Right.
• 21:23
  For me, a glass ball would be, like, my child's safety, their wellbeing, their mental health, like checking in on them about, like, something important that's going on in their life.
• 21:32
  Like, I may not get a second chance with that.
• 21:34
  Right.
• 21:34
  So when you're like Thinking about like if you have to pick one or the other- Mm-hmm we have to like pick the one that may not seem like the obvious choice.
• 21:42
  Right.
• 21:42
  Right, right.
• 21:43
  Like the obvious choice seems like, you know- Showing up and being there and do- Showing up and being there Yeah.
• 21:48
  Which is important of course, but sometimes you get another chance for that.
• 21:52
  And I guess the whole point of this concept for me is just rephrasing, like what will I actually get another chance to do again?
• 21:59
  Yeah.
• 21:59
  And what won't I get another chance to do?
• 22:02
  Yeah.
• 22:02
  I like that concept.
• 22:04
  You know?
• 22:04
  Mm-hmm.
• 22:04
  And it's not...
• 22:06
  And again, I don't wanna sound insensitive to you because I'm not of a perfectionist mindset.
• 22:11
  I am a done is better than perfect mindset.
• 22:14
  Mm-hmm.
• 22:14
  Mm-hmm.
• 22:14
  Which has its own, challenges to come along with it.
• 22:17
  You know, I make a lot of mistakes, I have to do a lot of repeats sometimes.
• 22:20
  Like that also takes up time as well.
• 22:22
  But i- in the grand scheme of things, if I miss something, knowing that I'll get another chance to do it almost feels like a release for me.
• 22:33
  You know?
• 22:33
  And I, I want this concept to feel like a release to anybody listening.
• 22:37
  Like- Yeah, no, I, I do think it's- Okay to me it's like- Not so much pressure it, I guess it is like the gold star theory, right?
• 22:45
  Like it sounds great.
• 22:47
  It's just not natural for me.
• 22:50
  I know.
• 22:53
  But I'm working on all of these things.
• 22:55
  I struggle a lot with balance, like w- work/life balance, health/life bal- like, everything.
• 23:01
  I feel like it's- balance is very, very hard for me, and I do find myself letting go a little bit'cause w- I've talked about my, uh, like, need for controlling all the situations.
• 23:15
  That's always been how I've been.
• 23:17
  I'm working on these things.
• 23:19
  It's not like I'm in the red with all of these things.
• 23:21
  I know, but don't you get tired of working on things?
• 23:23
  When do you want- Oh, 100% to just, like, be good?
• 23:25
  I think I just wanna stop working on this and just- Well, I- this is who I am no, I c- Right?
• 23:30
  I wish I could be that, but I would be a very horrible version of myself if I didn't work- No, you wouldn't on some of these things because the need for controlling all the situation, the being so hard on myself and being a perfectionist all the time was, like, driving me into the ground, so I had to take a step back and work on all of these things.
• 23:47
  And I like myself better for working on all of these things, but it's still a constant struggle.
• 23:52
  No, I see that.
• 23:53
  I think that this theory is probably not gonna land with some of our listeners that share that same sentiment with you.
• 24:00
  Yeah.
• 24:00
  Well, I- You know?
• 24:01
  I can still be, like, receptive to a, a mind frame that's not my own, you know?
• 24:06
  But it's just not something that I would be able to, like, put into practice all the time, and it would take a lot of work.
• 24:15
  It would take, like, an extra, extra amount of work for me to think that way.
• 24:19
  But I take it day by day.
• 24:20
  I'm hard on myself when the day doesn't go the way I planned because we know that you can't keep all the balls in the air.
• 24:28
  Some of them fall and crash, and, like, i'm really hard on myself when something crashes, and I sit there, and I'm on the sofa at the end of the night, and I'm like,"Ugh, I really wasn't as present as I wanted to be for my kids.
• 24:41
  I really wasn't as patient.
• 24:43
  You know, I didn't get what I wanted to get done for work today.
• 24:46
  I missed a deadline.
• 24:48
  I missed the workout today.
• 24:49
  I didn't..." Like, and I, I ruminate with all of that.
• 24:54
  My gosh.
• 24:55
  You're so tortured.
• 24:56
  I feel so bad.
• 24:57
  I'm a-- Yes, I'm tortured.
• 24:58
  Oh.
• 24:59
  Do you feel like you spend a lot of days like that?
• 25:01
  No.
• 25:02
  I d- I don't wanna make it like this is doom and gloom, but no, but i- it's just- That's just how I am.
• 25:09
  But I've always kind of been like that, so I'm working through- You're reflective.
• 25:13
  Yes, I'm always very reflective.
• 25:14
  So I'm not sitting there, like, crying about it or like- No you know, like super hard on myself, but it weighs on me, like a lot of the time.
• 25:20
  Like, what I didn't do weighs on me.
• 25:24
  That's probably the easiest way to put it.
• 25:26
  Okay.
• 25:27
  Well, I don't think that you're alone in that, obviously.
• 25:30
  Yeah.
• 25:30
  I think that is a very natural and normal thing- Mm-hmm to feel, whether you're a mother or not.
• 25:35
  I just think that in general- Yeah people put pressure on themselves.
• 25:38
  Yeah, for sure.
• 25:38
  High achievers put pressure on themselves- For sure to get things done.
• 25:41
  Mm-hmm.
• 25:41
  And when things are not done, you circle back and try to figure out, like, why not?
• 25:47
  Right.
• 25:47
  And then you feel bad for certain things.
• 25:49
  Right.
• 25:49
  But I guess my outlook is it's not meant to all get done.
• 25:54
  Mm-hmm.
• 25:54
  And what are the things of the utmost priority day to day that should be getting done, and how can you achieve those things day by day?
• 26:03
  Is there anything that you feel like you put off on purpose because other things in your life, feel louder?
• 26:10
  Oh, for sure, and I've talked about that here before.
• 26:13
  Up until probably a couple months ago, I would always say that working out was, like, always the bucket that I would just throw to the side.
• 26:20
  Also, like probably a couple years ago, my mental health would be suffering so that all of the other things could be up in the air, and so yes, myself I think was being put was the ball that I was dropping all the time, and that was why I wanted to start this podcast and have these conversations.
• 26:40
  What do you think is your bucket do you have a consistent ball bucket category that you always drop?
• 26:49
  I think that I drop the ball a lot on, like, follow through with plans because in my mind, yeah, that sounds like fun.
• 26:55
  I'm there.
• 26:56
  I wanna be there.
• 26:57
  But then when it comes down to, the line and I'm supposed to go, I'm like I actually just wanna be at home right now because I'm exhausted.
• 27:05
  Right.
• 27:05
  And then I choose that, and I've been making a very big effort to not do that, to either just politely decline to begin with- Right to know that in two weeks from now- Right at 6:00, I'm probably gonna be tired, or to a couple of things that I know are important to me, to make an effort to go.
• 27:23
  Because I think I do much better with my friends and my family members, like one-on-one.
• 27:27
  Right.
• 27:28
  And I feel like those are, like, important things to me, and I think that I was letting some of my friendships turn into glass balls, and I was just letting them go'cause I was like,"Oh, they'll always be there.
• 27:36
  They know that I'm, like, around.
• 27:38
  They know that I'm in a busy season of life." But,, I'm not special.
• 27:41
  Everybody's in a busy season of life, and if it's not a priority to me to follow through, then that becomes my reputation.
• 27:48
  And not only do I not want it to be my reputation, I don't want it to be, my actual life either.
• 27:53
  And I know that, I have a lot of people that I have to prioritize, like myself, Nick, and the kids, and I try to do one-on-ones with everybody.
• 28:01
  You also have a lot of friends.
• 28:02
  You know- You have a lot of family I have friends, I have family, but it's important to me to be able to maintain them.
• 28:11
  And also, I've noticed that when I do have one-on-ones, it actually recharges me and it doesn't drain from me.
• 28:18
  Yeah, yeah.
• 28:18
  I think that when I would say no to big plans, it was because I knew that, like, a big plan would drain me.
• 28:23
  Yes.
• 28:24
  I think, like, a quick catch-up, a solo catch-up, is actually, recharging.
• 28:30
  It's also less time-consuming- And less time-consuming but you get more out of it.
• 28:33
  And you get time.
• 28:34
  Yes.
• 28:34
  So I think that's an example of how, like, you can reevaluate some of these buckets in your life.
• 28:40
  Yeah.
• 28:40
  They all, they don't all need to look the same at every single season.
• 28:45
  Like yesterday even, I spent the whole day with one friend who moved away- Mm-hmm who I used to see every day- Yeah and now I see once a month, but it was, special and that's an example, I think, of something that, two busy moms could've been like,"You know what?
• 28:58
  We're canceling.
• 28:59
  Like, we know this is hard.
• 29:01
  We both have other things we could do today." But like, but what?
• 29:03
  What was I gonna do yesterday?
• 29:04
  Yeah.
• 29:04
  Other things, clean my house?
• 29:06
  It's probably gonna look dirty again.
• 29:08
  I guess what I'm taking out of this conversation by listening to you, and I always like that we have different frames of mind and we think of things very differently because it's a good perspective when you're listening to somebody who thinks differently than you do naturally.
• 29:21
  But I think the best thing that I'm taking out- away from this is to look at each of the categories, balls, and to then break down what can kind of be rubber within them and what can be glass.
• 29:34
  Yes.
• 29:35
  So you kind of then can say,"Okay, like, I missed the workout this morning, but what could I do to kind of- appease that, right?
• 29:47
  Not perfect it, but what can I do so going for a walk or something, like, d- doing some sort of movement.
• 29:54
  Okay, I'm saying no to the big social gathering because it's too much for us, right?
• 30:01
  We can't get a babysitter that night.
• 30:02
  It re- it involves too many moving parts.
• 30:05
  But, like, I can say yes to a quick 30-minute coffee date with a friend and probably get more out of it.
• 30:12
  So I do like how you frame that.
• 30:15
  Yeah, good summary.
• 30:16
  I think there's also gonna be parts in your life where, like, maybe if Nick and I are not spending a lot of time together because of work schedules- Mm-hmm or because of our kids' schedules- Mm-hmm or just because of, like, life, I'll notice that tension will start to build in this house, and then I- we have to, like, pause- Right and say,"Okay, this needs-" Attention attention.
• 30:37
  Right.
• 30:37
  Immediate attention.
• 30:38
  Right.
• 30:38
  Because if he and I are on edge, then that trickle-down effect- Right is significant.
• 30:44
  Right.
• 30:44
  Yep.
• 30:44
  Or if I'm noticing that one of my kids isn't doing well, like a little sad or anxious or mopey, then that kid gets all of the attention.
• 30:52
  It's not always the loudest kid that gets the attention.
• 30:55
  Sometimes it's, like, the little things- Yeah that need your attention.
• 30:58
  Right.
• 30:59
  Sometimes the loud things get your attention, but they don't always need your attention.
• 31:03
  Need your attention, right.
• 31:03
  And I think learning how to decipher the two have been very,, healthy in my life.
• 31:08
  Yeah.
• 31:09
  And- But it's a, it is a learned skill.
• 31:11
  It's...
• 31:11
  Or it can be a learned skill if it doesn't come natural, you know?
• 31:16
  And it's something that you have to practice.
• 31:19
  But I think the more you do it- Mm-hmm the easier it becomes.
• 31:22
  It's muscle memory.
• 31:23
  Yeah.
• 31:23
  And then I also don't feel as guilty when I'm like,"Ugh, you know what?
• 31:27
  I didn't get to this today." Right.
• 31:29
  "But I got to this and this,'cause this is of more importance." Today.
• 31:33
  Today.
• 31:34
  Right.
• 31:34
  Okay, on to tomorrow.
• 31:35
  Mm-hmm.
• 31:36
  All right, so this is some examples of things that I think are rubber balls.
• 31:40
  Okay, tell me.
• 31:41
  Laundry, rubber.
• 31:43
  It'll be there tomorrow.
• 31:44
  Yeah.
• 31:45
  A perfectly clean house, rubber.
• 31:47
  Okay.
• 31:48
  You get another chance tomorrow.
• 31:50
  Being five minutes late for something, rubber.
• 31:52
  Yeah.
• 31:53
  A text you and answer immediately, rubber.
• 31:55
  Making the perfect dinner, very rubber.
• 31:57
  Yeah.
• 31:58
  I do, I agree with these.
• 31:59
  But where I struggle with these is you can't just say,"No, I'm not doing the laundry." You need to get the laundry done.
• 32:05
  That's what- If you don't get- That's what my point is if you, if you let it build up for too long- Of course.
• 32:10
  You can't always- Then what?
• 32:11
  have the laundry be a rubber ball.
• 32:13
  You can't always have the perfect meal be the rubber ball.
• 32:17
  But I guess the thing is, is that you're letting it bounce once- Yes and then it's going up in the air, and then the next time around, this is the priority that you get done.
• 32:25
  But then something else has to take the place.
• 32:28
  Yeah, so then the next day- Right it could be the meal.
• 32:30
  Right.
• 32:30
  Or the next day it could be the workout, or the next day- Right it could be...
• 32:34
  So I guess the point is, like, if you have six things that are very important to you- Mm-hmm maybe you're only gonna do five a day instead of all six.
• 32:40
  Right.
• 32:40
  So one goes, right.
• 32:41
  And then one goes to the wayside, and then you get another chance for that tomorrow.
• 32:45
  Right.
• 32:45
  But the goal is, is to not drop the things that you won't get another chance for- Okay tomorrow.
• 32:49
  Yes.
• 32:50
  And things that I don't get another chance for tomorrow is, like, my health, my kids, and my husband.
• 32:55
  Like, at the end of the day, like, I don't always think I'm gonna get another chance with them- Mm-hmm tomorrow.
• 33:00
  But I wasn't always making that the priority.
• 33:03
  I was so fixated on, I know I keep using laundry as example, but I think every mom can use laundry- Yes as an example.
• 33:10
  Yes.
• 33:10
  Whether you do it yourself or you hire somebody else- Right to do it for you.
• 33:13
  Right.
• 33:13
  Like, it's always there.
• 33:14
  It's always there.
• 33:15
  It's always there, you know?
• 33:16
  It's always something that has to be done.
• 33:18
  And I just think that thinking that way, to me, has taken off some of the pressure.
• 33:23
  It's gonna be okay.
• 33:24
  Yeah.
• 33:25
  And then if my kids notice that it's not done, I can say,"Well then, maybe you figure it out and you do it," and that's a whole other bag of tricks- Yeah that I keep opening up.
• 33:33
  Well, this is, like, a whole other tangent, but when we just rehired somebody to help us clean up the house, and I had stopped having somebody help clean up the house for a couple of reasons.
• 33:45
  But the biggest reason was because I thought my kids weren't doing it, and I was raised in a normal middle class household without a cleaning lady where I had to clean.
• 33:55
  Shocker, I was a 13-year-old girl who knew how to clean a shower and had to take the responsibility of putting away my laundry.
• 34:02
  Mm-hmm.
• 34:02
  And if I didn't, I didn't...
• 34:04
  I- forget about taking my phone away or TV, like I wasn't allowed to literally do anything- Yeah until it was done.
• 34:10
  And I'm like,"Why do I have all this help in the house?
• 34:12
  The help isn't helping me, it's helping my kids, and then- Right.
• 34:15
  'Cause then they're off on it they're not learning how to do anything." Right, right, so I had to eliminate it so they would learn how to do it, and they're, like, learning how to do it, whatever.
• 34:21
  That's like a whole other unrelated tangent to this, but sometimes part of this, like, ball theory is like, this isn't actually even my ball that I should be juggling.
• 34:31
  Right.
• 34:31
  This seems like this is somebody else's.
• 34:33
  Right.
• 34:34
  Why am I the only person in this house that has to carry- this load.
• 34:39
  This seems like I should toss this to you.
• 34:42
  This is a you problem.
• 34:44
  Right?
• 34:44
  Yeah.
• 34:45
  This is a you problem.
• 34:46
  I haven't taught you yet.
• 34:47
  That's a me problem.
• 34:48
  I'm going to teach you how to do it.
• 34:49
  In order for me to teach you how to do it, I have to take one for the team- Mm-hmm and cancel Help In The House until you figure out how to do this.
• 34:56
  Well, what about that's one thing.
• 34:58
  But what about Nick, for example, and Nick's priorities- and the overlap with yours?
• 35:05
  Because sometimes you're trying to be sensitive to your partner and what they need.
• 35:10
  But it might not be your priority, and so then there's friction there.
• 35:14
  What are, what's an example, do you think that could be common that, like, is a, like, a husband priority and a woman priority where the woman kinda has to, like, help facilitate the man's priority?
• 35:25
  Well, I think that a lot of the, the- Balls, buckets, categories are the same.
• 35:32
  You know what I mean?
• 35:32
  Like m- Raja and I would have the same priorities, but maybe not...
• 35:37
  I might be dropping one ball one day that he's trying to keep up in his sphere, right?
• 35:44
  Like, he's trying to keep up in, in the air on his side.
• 35:47
  And so w- if I'm not prioritizing this and he's trying to prioritize this, there could be friction.
• 35:54
  Well then in that case, I would say if it's something as linear as that, I would say then you might have to let something else go, and he might have to let something else go- Right in order for you guys- Right to have synergy in that one thing.
• 36:04
  Right.
• 36:05
  Or I would say you run with this one.
• 36:07
  Yes, you run it while I'm over here.
• 36:09
  That- Right.
• 36:09
  Maybe that I would- Right.
• 36:10
  Yeah maybe I would say that.
• 36:11
  Like, it used to be my job to get the mail- and pay the actual bills that came in in the mail- Mm-hmm and I was doing a bad job of it.
• 36:17
  So Nick was like,"Stop getting the mail." Yeah.
• 36:19
  "Just stop getting the mail." Right.
• 36:20
  "I'll get the mail.
• 36:21
  I'll pay the bills." So for a little while, he would get the mail and he would pay the bills, and now we, like, switched back- Yeah, yeah to me doing it.
• 36:29
  Right.
• 36:29
  But like- Yeah that was a job that he said to me,'cause we don't get...
• 36:33
  I don't know about you, but we don't get very many paper bills in the mail.
• 36:36
  No.
• 36:36
  Everything is, like- Honestly it's worse email, electronic.
• 36:39
  So, like, the couple of things that came in by paper would get, like, ma- Yeah thrown away with, like- Lost.
• 36:47
  A magazine- Right.
• 36:48
  Right, right, right, right and like a thank you card that was mailed.
• 36:49
  So that was, like, one thing that he was like,"Okay, you keep dropping that ball," and now your mammogram went to collections.
• 36:56
  Right.
• 36:57
  Like- great.
• 36:58
  Right.
• 36:59
  Actually, that happened.
• 37:01
  True story.
• 37:02
  So, like, I'll do that.
• 37:04
  Yeah.
• 37:04
  Right.
• 37:04
  And now I- Right now I figured it out.
• 37:07
  Okay.
• 37:07
  You know?
• 37:07
  Yeah.
• 37:07
  I don't know if that's a stupid- No example or not.
• 37:09
  No, it's hel- it, it's helpful.
• 37:10
  But, like, that seemed important to, like, pay a time-sensitive bill.
• 37:15
  But instead- Kind of.
• 37:16
  Well, kind of important but instead, I'm, I don't know, looking at recipes to how to make, like, some- Right stupid chicken dish- Right for dinner.
• 37:24
  Right.
• 37:25
  'Cause I wanted to feed my family dinner.
• 37:27
  Like, I'm just saying, like- Yeah I think I'm being, like, very, like, tunnel vision and specific with my examples, and I think that your way of looking at things, like, more globally, I think we're looking at this differently.
• 37:38
  Differently.
• 37:38
  We are.
• 37:38
  Like, very globally.
• 37:40
  Yes.
• 37:40
  Like, all six of these things are important- Yes and I'm thinking of six- You're, you're funneling them down specific things in a day.
• 37:45
  Yeah, that's, that, but that's I like that approach.
• 37:49
  I just don't do that.
• 37:50
  That's not how my mind works naturally, but I understand what you're saying.
• 37:54
  The minutiae.
• 37:55
  Exactly.
• 37:56
  I understand.
• 37:58
  What you're saying.
• 37:59
  Oh.
• 37:59
  Oh my gosh.
• 38:00
  It's easier said than done.
• 38:02
  No, but everybody's mind works differently.
• 38:04
  Yes.
• 38:04
  Like for instance, I'm going to a Knicks game tonight.
• 38:06
  Mm-hmm.
• 38:07
  Some people's mind works like,"I have to be out until 1:00 in the morning." That's where my n- Yes head is headed.
• 38:12
  Yes.
• 38:12
  My head is at.
• 38:13
  Yeah.
• 38:13
  My husband's mind will be like,"Where are we parking?" Right.
• 38:16
  "What's the traffic gonna be like?" Right.
• 38:18
  "How long is it gonna take to get there?" Right, right.
• 38:20
  You know?
• 38:20
  Like, all of those details, right?
• 38:22
  Yep.
• 38:23
  Like, my kids are gonna be worried like,"How much are Mom and Dad gonna let us spend on merch?" Right.
• 38:27
  "What are we eating?" Right.
• 38:28
  Right?
• 38:29
  Everybody has different- Worries worries.
• 38:31
  Yes.
• 38:31
  And priorities.
• 38:33
  Yes.
• 38:33
  Yeah.
• 38:33
  And I think, regardless of how you're conditioned, whether you're conditioned to be a perfectionist or somebody like me that's just happy to be here- Yeah.
• 38:42
  You know?
• 38:43
  I think that we all deserve a pass to know that we get a second chance.
• 38:48
  Yes.
• 38:49
  Not everything has to be done- Yes at the same time every day.
• 38:52
  This is true.
• 38:53
  So- Okay that's my rant.
• 38:54
  Well, that's a very good reminder.
• 38:56
  All of us listening, that's a very good thought.
• 39:00
  We will work on it.
• 39:01
  We're gonna agree to disagree, okay?
• 39:03
  We will work on it.
• 39:05
  I- You don't have to work on anything I appreciate the thought, but...
• 39:08
  No, I'm, I am kidding.
• 39:12
  You're not kidding.
• 39:16
  Do you wanna close with our Pink Spotlight?
• 39:18
  Which is our person, place, thing, tip, mantra, anything I'm missing, of the week that is making life a little bit better.
• 39:27
  And mine this week is actually something that you shared with me off air a couple weeks ago, but you said that you started selling some of your clothes on Depop.
• 39:37
  Oh, yeah.
• 39:38
  Is that...
• 39:38
  Yeah.
• 39:38
  It's great.
• 39:38
  And so I downloaded it.
• 39:39
  I've been, like, a Poshmark girlie for, like, 15 years, but Poshmark is annoying.
• 39:44
  I think it's annoying to list on.
• 39:46
  It's annoying to shop on.
• 39:48
  And I, so I saw that you s- you had said- Mm-hmm that you, you mentioned, like, you downloaded the Depop app.
• 39:53
  It has, like, an AI component.
• 39:55
  Mm-hmm.
• 39:55
  It, like, helps you snap some pictures, like, very easily and then kind of, like, assemble the listing, like, way quicker.
• 40:02
  And I downloaded it.
• 40:04
  Love it.
• 40:05
  Made a bunch of sales.
• 40:07
  That's awesome.
• 40:07
  And yeah, I was like, just to help get, like, get rid of some stuff out of the house.
• 40:12
  Just to get it out.
• 40:12
  Like, you had said, like, I still have stuff with the tags on it.
• 40:15
  I have stuff that I wore once.
• 40:16
  I have stuff that, like, you know, like, no longer fits me that I paid really, really good money for.
• 40:22
  Mm-hmm.
• 40:22
  But my feet grew in pregnancy.
• 40:23
  Like, I, I'm just, like, trying to get rid of stuff.
• 40:26
  Right.
• 40:26
  Well, and I love that they have that sustainable approach, too, that you can ship three items to one person.
• 40:31
  Right.
• 40:31
  Right.
• 40:31
  Like, there's an option to bundle.
• 40:32
  Yes, for a bundle.
• 40:33
  Yep, yep.
• 40:34
  Because then you can just, like, get rid of, like, three things.
• 40:36
  Like, okay, I'll give you a better deal on this.
• 40:38
  Yeah.
• 40:38
  Take the whole set.
• 40:39
  Yeah.
• 40:39
  I know the, the AI component on there is great.
• 40:41
  Yes.
• 40:42
  So I will, I'm gonna put my Depop name, like my listing in the show notes.
• 40:48
  If you're listening to this and you wanna shop my closet you can comment on the item, and I'll show- I'll have like an emoji that you can put.
• 40:56
  Like, I'll do like the pink heart, and then I'll know that you came from here, and I will throw in a bunch of beauty products.
• 41:01
  Ooh.
• 41:01
  Like with the list- with whatever you're buying.
• 41:04
  I'll just like- Oh, that's perfect I'll, I'll add some stuff onto it,'cause people always ask, like,"Can I shop your closet?" But Poshmark is just, has not been it for quite a while, and so I'm glad.
• 41:13
  Thank you for sharing that.
• 41:14
  Yeah.
• 41:14
  I think it actually was Christine's daughter that told me about it.
• 41:16
  What a great...
• 41:17
  It, it's great.
• 41:18
  And if you, Pippas, if you wanna like list anything, I'm sure you have like good stuff that's lying around, and like why not make a little bit of money back from it?
• 41:25
  Like- Right I know.
• 41:26
  So yeah, it's, it's really, really easy to shop, and you don't need to have a following or anything.
• 41:31
  Like, you can really get on there and- You just need a phone Yes.
• 41:33
  You just need a phone.
• 41:34
  You just take a photo of it, and it uses the- Yep AI software- Yep to like read the label, read the size- Yes read the cut of the jeans.
• 41:40
  Yes.
• 41:40
  Like I, I sold a pair of Abercrombie Fitch jeans, and it scanned it to say- Yes Abercrombie size two boot cut- Yes.
• 41:47
  Yes whatever wash.
• 41:48
  Right.
• 41:48
  Ba ba ba.
• 41:49
  Right.
• 41:49
  Done.
• 41:50
  Right.
• 41:50
  So good one.
• 41:51
  Yeah.
• 41:51
  Good one.
• 41:51
  All right, so in that same vein then- Okay I've been doing clothing rental.
• 41:55
  Mm-hmm.
• 41:55
  And I've used Rent the Runway.
• 41:57
  So I always thought Rent the Runway was just for special occasion.
• 42:00
  It is.
• 42:00
  However, they also have a whole other- Side where you can rent skirts, tops, dresses, pants, lots of different things.
• 42:10
  And for$99 a month, you can get five items.
• 42:13
  So you can, like, keep it for longer, send it back sooner- Wow.
• 42:16
  Yeah and you can constantly have five items- Yep sort of like out in the universe, which is terrific- Yeah because sometimes you only wear things once or twice.
• 42:23
  Right.
• 42:24
  And then you have an option to buy the item, and it's, like, significantly discounted- Yeah, that's great which is also great.
• 42:29
  So fun.
• 42:30
  I know, I love that.
• 42:31
  So I just- Try before you buy type of thing.
• 42:33
  Yeah.
• 42:33
  Yep.
• 42:33
  I just rented a dress for the gala.
• 42:35
  Yep.
• 42:36
  And it was$50.
• 42:37
  Yes.
• 42:37
  It was that Bronx and Banco brand, which is- Yes.
• 42:40
  The dress itself is$1,000.
• 42:41
  I was gonna say, those, that's so expensive.
• 42:43
  And- And you're gonna wear it one time I have no shame in my game.
• 42:46
  No.
• 42:47
  Like- It's, it's so cute I always thought that, like, reselling was embarrassing or rental was embarrassing- No'cause it meant that you could- didn't have the money for the items- Yeah or if you had to sell your stuff, you were, like, in need of money.
• 42:57
  No, it just means you want it, have things, and then you wanna get rid of them.
• 43:00
  Yes.
• 43:00
  You're trying to be- We're trying to be sustainable have less is more.
• 43:03
  Sustainable.
• 43:04
  Yep, yep.
• 43:04
  And so I think for an event, especially an event like this where there's a theme- Literally, I think that- Like, you're not gonna wear this dress again.
• 43:10
  Yeah.
• 43:11
  So.
• 43:11
  But we're going to the Children's Gala in November.
• 43:13
  Yes, yes.
• 43:13
  Our friends of ours are on the gala planning committee.
• 43:15
  Yes.
• 43:15
  They're doing an amazing job.
• 43:17
  We're going to support them.
• 43:17
  Oh my God, the best.
• 43:18
  Canada Children's is an incredible organization.
• 43:20
  Yep.
• 43:20
  We're excited to go.
• 43:20
  The theme this year is, like, spacey, right?
• 43:23
  So it was celestial, right?
• 43:23
  Like, out of this world.
• 43:24
  Celestial.
• 43:25
  Yep.
• 43:25
  So.
• 43:26
  So I think that's like sequiny, stars, night, like, so- Yeah I think a lot of people are going sequins and that's- Right, like, in costume.
• 43:33
  Exactly.
• 43:34
  So.
• 43:34
  There's always a- I love a costume yeah, there's always a theme and it's like you're gonna wear it once.
• 43:37
  That's it.
• 43:38
  So- Then it's going back I'm rent the runwaying it up.
• 43:40
  Love it.
• 43:40
  And they send you a bag- Easy with a label.
• 43:43
  Mm-hmm.
• 43:43
  You don't have to dry clean it after.
• 43:45
  Yep.
• 43:45
  You just throw it in the bag and send it on its way.
• 43:47
  Music to my type B ears.
• 43:48
  And we both love the rel too, to that effect.
• 43:51
  Oh, yeah.
• 43:51
  Like, so I'm actually looking for a bag to rent for the event- Mm because I want, like, a little bit of something, and I don't...
• 43:58
  like, I, I'm not, not gonna buy a bag for the event.
• 44:01
  Like, I'd rather just rent one.
• 44:03
  Right.
• 44:03
  So- Right to that effect.
• 44:04
  And then, like I always say, that was the same thing where it's like if you like the bag, y- and you, you're like,"No, this needs to be permanent in my wardrobe," like, you can literally buy it for less.
• 44:14
  Right.
• 44:15
  So, great.
• 44:15
  Oh, oh, what a good idea.
• 44:16
  Maybe I'll look for one too- Yeah now that I have a dress, maybe I'll look for a bag.
• 44:19
  Yeah.
• 44:20
  I want something fun.
• 44:21
  Okay, I love it.
• 44:22
  This is fun.
• 44:22
  Okay, guys.
• 44:23
  This was a fun one.
• 44:25
  Agree to disagree.
• 44:26
  We are gonna- That's okay.
• 44:28
  Yeah.
• 44:28
  That's part of life.
• 44:28
  That's us.
• 44:29
  And I'm very comfortable with that.
• 44:30
  That's us.
• 44:30
  Yep.
• 44:31
  Okay, guys.
• 44:32
  This was fun.
• 44:33
  We will see you guys next week.
• 44:35
  Bye.
• 44:36
  Bye.