Latest / Authentic Living / What is in your Suitcase: Taking responsibility for your Inner peace

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What is in your Suitcase: Taking responsibility for your Inner peace · Authentic Living

• 0:01
  Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
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  things that really matter in our lives.
• 0:12
  And now here's your host, Roxanne Durgesh.
• 0:43
  Hi, everyone.
• 0:44
  It's, Roxanne Durgesh.
• 0:45
  Thanks so much for tuning in again and yet again, this week.
• 0:48
  So today, I have a I would say a friend, that, I just met through, the professional speakers,
• 0:56
  Canadian association of professional speakers or caps like we call them.
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  So I had the privilege of meeting Penny actually previous to caps in Florida, where we
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  work with the same speaker business coach.
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  So, Penny, welcome to the show.
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  Thank you.
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  I'm really honored to be here.
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  Awesome.
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  So, Penny's got a a really a fantastic background, and I'm gonna tell you a little bit
• 1:20
  about what I was able to experience with her actually just on the weekends, at an event that
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  we were at.
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  So a bit about Penny's background.
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  She's a, what we call a genuine entrepreneur.
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  She's the founding member of Trumblay Leadership Center with relationship strategies,
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  training, and keynotes internationally, and she's been doing that for about 20 years or so,
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  and she lots of people have benefited from the skills and confidence about how to be more
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  productive, how to play nice in the sandbox, which is which is her brand, and climbed the
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  ladder of success.
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  She's, done some extraordinary education, attaining a certificate and advanced mediation
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  from Harvard Wow, with lots of years of conflict resolutions, facilitations, and
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  workplaces, bringing stories, experiences, and guidance for more productive, peaceful, and
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  profitable businesses.
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  Penny's or anything that I have missed there that you'd like to share with the listeners?
• 2:18
  Well, no.
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  I don't think so.
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  I'm on a journey just like everybody else and, continuing to always learn.
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  I think I'm a professional student.
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  That's what I think.
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  And a great one you are.
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  So on the weekend, Penny and I were in Toronto, and I, you know, had the privilege of listening
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  to her keynote.
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  And her keynote is very, very, very interesting where she talks about, you know, unpacking your
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  suitcase, and it's such a fantastic concept that I, you know, it's one thing to hear hear
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  the keynotes, name, but actually seeing her delivered was really, really phenomenal.
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  So I would like you to tell people and I can tell you what I experienced.
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  So the concept that I took about it as a listener was We all bring stuff with us.
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  And if, you know, if anybody tells you that they aren't, they're kinda telling a bit of a
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  fib or 2 in our lives that we all of these suitcases from, you know, beginning of life all
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  the way through.
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  And sometimes the things in the suitcase kinda might be heavy.
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  It might be painful.
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  And and it might be things that we are not aware of how it might be impacting your life.
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  So Penny has her entire keynote discussing this concept.
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  So, Penny, I'd like you to kind of extrapolate or tell people a little bit more about, your
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  brand or the concept of playing in the sandbox, which is the bigger brand, but on packing
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  suitcases, her the suitcase is one of the keynotes that she does for her brand.
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  Sure.
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  So when people ask me what I do, I tell them that I help teach corporate people how to play
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  nice in the sandbox, Roxanne when they don't to help them fix broken relationships.
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  And I always get a chuckle, and people always say, you need to come to our workplace because
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  as an expert in workplace relationships, the people factor is challenging, right?
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  Like, personal skills aren't taught in technical education.
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  So if you go to school to become a fill in the blank, you know, doctor, lawyer, nurse, you
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  know, electrician, pipe fit, or welder, etcetera, you are you are taught your technical
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  trade but people are stuck in dead in positions or or or fired because of their lack of ability
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  to get along with people.
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  And that people factor is, the glue that holds businesses together.
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  It's the glue that holds, workers.
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  It's the glue that bonds managers to their work teams.
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  It's the glue that bonds customers to their to be loyal to their suppliers.
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  And so, as an expert on that, I moved into the opposite is, you know, conflict.
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  What what does plague us and separate us and what does cause corporations tons and tons of
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  money is dealing with conflict in the workplace.
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  You know, now it's it's stress.
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  The the effects of stress in the work place and and mental unwellness.
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  The cost is huge.
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  So one of the keynotes, I have a few.
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  One of the keynotes that I focused on was around the idea of getting people to recognize
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  what they're bringing with them wherever they go because I don't really think that that
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  conflict and resolution and mental wellness is just your employer's responsibility.
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  I think we all have a responsibility to come to the things that we do, the tasks that are in
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  front of us, in our in our most best form, in our highest form, and to do that, I really
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  think we have to get clear on what's holding us back and what's holding us back so many times
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  is the things that we're packing around, meaning old stuff, old conflict, that hasn't
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  been resolved yet or that we have residue from or fears and insecurities around.
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  And if we just worked a little bit on shining a light on that and becoming aware of it, then we
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  can unpack it and we can decide what we wanna let go and what we want to bring along with us
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  and we'd have more space inside us for building the tools that help us be very successful at
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  relationships in the workplace and I always stay in the workplace because that is my
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  expertise, but you know, this works in in our personal relationships too.
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  Absolutely.
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  And Sometimes it's that people are not aware.
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  Would you agree with that?
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  Because I sometimes we perceive that people might be aware that I know I'm doing this.
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  You know, when you go out into the workplace, and you've been brought in by a company.
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  Give it give us an example of how kind of that stuff in your suitcase would kind of play
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  through to impact, conflict between, say, 2 employees or, you know, a a supervisor and an
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  employee.
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  Okay.
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  So, great question.
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  And I'll I'll tell you a little bit about a service that I offer called a workplace
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  restoration.
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  So in a workplace restoration, the the the teams that need that are teams that have a
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  toxic workplace culture, or maybe there's a department within the workplace where, you
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  know, there's unresolved stuff and there's conflict and might only involve two or three
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  people, but the effects of the toxicity is like a plague that affects everybody.
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  And whether people wanna realize that they're involved or not, they're all involved.
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  If you just go to work and do your thing in a turn of blind eye and don't get involved,
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  you're playing a part in the conflict by not showing up as your full powerful self and
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  perhaps giving it a voice and speaking to it and talking about how, you know, the workplace
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  could be more healthy for you.
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  So people don't quit jobs.
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  They quit managers.
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  They quit teams.
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  They they they they they give up because they're just it's not worth it anymore.
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  You know, it's not worth that check.
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  That they're bringing home to be so unhappy where they are.
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  So in a workplace restoration, what I do is I I make time to meet every single person 1 on 1
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  and I do some I do some I do some coaching in that, you know, I I wanna find out.
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  I have a confidential conversation.
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  I wanna find out who they are, what they do, how long they've been there, and what could be
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  better, you know, what what's going on and I and I build trust with them because it's a
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  confidential conversation and, I honestly do not use that.
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  I do not take that out of confidentiality ever.
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  But what I do do is I try and get underneath what's really going on.
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  Like, you know, it might look like there's an issue here, but under that, that's just the tip
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  of the iceberg.
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  Under that, there's a whole other, you know, monster that's looming and I just helped them
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  shine the light on that.
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  So here's an example.
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  I was called in to do a workplace restoration because a company had invested a lot of money
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  on an investigation because an employee accused her manager of harassment.
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  Okay.
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  So there was an investigation and investigations are very expensive.
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  Basically, you know, it helps the productivity of the department for at least, you know, 3 to
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  6 months depending on the depth of the investigation and Everybody's on egg shells and
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  nobody's allowed to talk about it and it's a really excruciating process.
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  Very necessary.
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  I personally don't do those but I've I was called in after the fact because there was no
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  finding of workplace harassment.
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  So then what do they do?
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  Well, they call in me to help the organization or the department hit the reset button and move
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  on with some clean, defined commitments to creating something new.
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  And so in the process of doing this, I wanna tell you a story about Mary.
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  So Mary of course is a fictitious name because this is a confidential story, but Mary used her
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  manager of harassment.
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  Now the manager was, of course, denying that this was happening.
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  And when I got talking to Mary, I found out that she was sexually harassed about 20 years
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  ago in a previous job by a previous employer.
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  And although the the correction, the behavior correction, the reprimand, that the satisfying
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  of that particular situation was done.
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  Mary never let it go.
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  She never really unpacked it to a point of finding peace with it.
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  So, therefore, that stuff she was carrying in her suitcase in real time kept showing up.
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  The manager that she had currently was sharing with her, you know, just things that a manager
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  would share.
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  I mean, when you're leading a team of people, you have to roll out orders and you have to
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  correct behavior, but to her, It was harassment.
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  And once she got to see where that conflict and the residue and the the perception was coming
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  from that it wasn't a present time situation.
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  It was from the past.
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  She put 22 together to realize, you know what?
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  This part is mine, you know, and of course, the new manager didn't know any of this stuff.
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  So once he got an idea of what was going on because shared with him.
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  He was able to adjust his behavior and be a little bit more empathic to her and her and her
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  needs.
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  So that is an example of how what's in our suitcase plays, you know, it keeps playing
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  itself in the future.
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  And what I like to recommend is you have to make pass.
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  You have to make peace with your past so it stops screwing up your future.
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  So those, you know, those are some of the things that that, you know, real life examples.
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  I see time and time again happening in conflict in current time, but it's really previous
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  stuff.
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  So she was ready projecting things onto this manager who was just trying to manage.
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  So in that scenario, when you interview the employee and the supervisor, obviously, did you
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  have them in the same room at some point, or did okay, you did.
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  So you kind of found out at first.
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  You kinda knew the different, you know, perspectives.
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  And then at some point, you kinda facilitated them sharing kind of what their perceptions
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  were and what she was she felt comfortable to share with the manager that this is what was
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  going on for her to allow the manager to share with her.
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  Kinda, this is what my intention was.
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  This is was I was not malintentioned in any way.
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  We have to run a unit.
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  We have to run a company blah blah blah blah blah blah.
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  Okay.
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  Right?
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  Interesting.
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  Interesting.
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  Yeah.
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  It is interesting because, you know, once you hit that reset button and you can and you can
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  put, you can commit to putting everything in the past behind you, at at least you have a
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  commitment to something new.
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  Now, how to stay on track with that commitment is, you know, it we have to remember that old
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  patterns die hard.
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  Right?
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  Hold it's like you can be triggered back into that 20 year ago workplace just like that.
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  And we have to realize that and recognize it and know what's ours.
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  You know, we have to know what's ours and what's not ours and in in conflict and really I
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  think it's very worthwhile to take the time to really work on what we know is our own work
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  that we have
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  to do.
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  Now can I ask you a question?
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  I'm curious because I'm wondering if the listeners are also wondering.
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  So something like that happens in a company.
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  Right?
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  Word gets out.
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  That maybe there's a little whisperings about.
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  You know, there's something that kinda happened.
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  We don't know what happened, but, you know, Mary's kinda quiet or the manager's kinda
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  different and you know, you know, people kinda know something's happened, but maybe they don't
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  know the facts.
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  I'm assuming this And as you can tell me otherwise, then you resolve it.
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  Yeah.
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  But what what how do you deal with the others that kinda are on the peripheral effects to
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  help them also function and go back to recognizing whatever happened, whether they
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  knew the details or not is gone.
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  What what do you do with them?
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  Okay.
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  The funny word that come came up in my mind, and it's nanya.
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  And you know what nanya means?
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  It's none of your business.
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  So
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  sometimes people just have to realize that other people's that's been what's been
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  discussed behind closed doors is really, not necessarily their business and, that they that
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  they can just continue moving on.
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  That's probably, you know, a a funny or or, you know, a less effective way to deal with it.
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  How I deal with it?
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  In my process of a workplace restoration when I'm meeting everyone 1 on 1, I get to
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  understand who needs to have a conversation who needs to be mediated?
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  Who needs to come together with a mediator?
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  And I am a mediator.
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  And work things through until they find resolve.
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  Right?
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  And it's interesting.
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  It doesn't take long.
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  It really doesn't take long when you use some key steps.
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  And, so I'll facilitate a conversation, where, you know, I think that people who are entangled
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  in a conflict that needs to be resolved first before the whole department gets sitting
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  together for a conversation I'll make sure that those littler conflicts are dealt with first.
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  So in this case, Mary, and her manager, I sat them down together and we went through a
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  mediation.
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  Okay?
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  So that they both could understand each other.
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  You know, the boss could understand Mary.
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  And, and then Mary could understand the boss.
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  And then once there's this level of understanding, this is where you have conflict
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  dissolve.
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  Okay?
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  So you don't necessarily need a conflict resolve because you have a conflict dissolve
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  because there is just an under a a whole new understanding.
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  And at the end of the day, that's what the human spirit desires more than anything next to
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  food and shelter, the need to feel understood is the need of the human spirit.
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  So when we can move to that step, Man, you'd be surprised what just falls off.
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  Okay?
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  Now the rest of the team is still, you know, sitting there going, now what's gonna happen or
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  what's even happening or I don't even know what's happened.
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  What I do in my process is I bring the entire team together for an authentic conversation.
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  And, I do this circle style.
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  I've done a lot of work with First Nations, people Indigenous people of Canada.
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  And, that's their way.
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  They sit in a circle.
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  There's no boardroom table in between us.
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  There's no desk in between us.
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  It's it's a circle and we sit on chairs and we, you know, I facilitate that process and I make
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  it a very safe and comfortable process for people to have conversation and, and talk about
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  unsafe things, you know, these are things that people don't want to talk about but once we go
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  through the conflict, we're on the other side of it and I often say that there's only one way
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  through conflict and that is through conflict.
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  You know, the antidote to conflict is to go through it.
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  Right?
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  Like, not around it over it.
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  Sweep it under the carpet.
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  Tender doesn't exist.
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  No.
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  It's through it.
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  You have to be willing to go through it.
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  And and life isn't just about feeling good.
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  It's about doing what's right.
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  And and at the times when we're going through conflict It doesn't feel good, but what's on
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  the other side feels amazing.
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  Absolutely.
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  And it takes a courageous, a courageous conversation to put context
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  does.
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  When you
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  meet when you're meeting with a big company, are you speaking to the one event?
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  Are you just talking generally about what kind of things people might need to have better
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  conversations or be more authentic in the workplace.
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  When you get
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  training.
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  If it's a lot, you know, if it's just like, you know, bringing skills and, possibilities to an
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  organization or department and they want training.
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  I will do it, you know, like seminar or workshop style, do some breakout sessions, do
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  some do some role play, I'll be bringing in a sand, an actual real life sandbox and, some
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  actors and role players.
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  And I think Roxanne, you're gonna be one of those people being a psychotherapist and and so
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  Tom I get
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  to throw sand at people.
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  But, maybe silly string, but, where was I?
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  So, yeah, on a larger organization where they just want me to kinda like, you know, touch
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  the, touch the learning points and give people the skills That's my play nice in the sandbox,
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  you know, workplace training, but this particular service that I've been speaking of
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  is more like a workplace restoration where there's toxic culture, and it needs a reset.
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  It needs attention.
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  We don't necessarily wanna go back and dwell on the who said what, wine, who was wrong, and all
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  that stuff.
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  We wanna make Okay.
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  We've got some issues, and how do we fix them?
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  And in the process of fixing them, that's where I get people to dive into what's in your
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  suitcase.
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  And how are you walking it around?
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  And you're bringing it to work?
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  And how is what's the cost to that?
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  And how are people affected?
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  And how is it affecting you?
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  And then just getting them to really see and understand the source of that conflict.
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  It's not always who they think.
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  They think it's the guy down the hall or the girl sitting beside them.
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  It's easier to kind of point the finger versus kind of look at yourself.
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  Right.
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  But you you get the skills where they start to look at look at their role.
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  Yes.
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  Now in this circle, Can I ask you, how do you facilitate that?
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  Do you just an open conversation, after you've resolved the mediation, or is it just, how
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  what's the context of the circle compared to what you do with average, like the Aboriginal
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  model?
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  I'm just curious about that.
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  Well, you know, the goal is authentic conversation.
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  The goal is connection.
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  The goal is, helping people really get to know each other on a level that they thought was
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  forbidden in the past, to allow people to share, to allow people to be real.
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  There's tears often.
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  Most often.
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  There's sharing and there's honesty and I guide the process in a very safe way.
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  I I don't think that I would recommend that, you know, you just try to whip this flip this
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  off on your own because, you know, you're it it is a process to me.
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  Honestly, it's a very sacred process.
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  And and it's a spiritual process for me, anyways, to go in there and to be privileged
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  enough to facilitate this opportunity to get everybody really, open and transparent and
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  being real humans for an afternoon or a day or a couple of days and not just being, you know,
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  like, people with a title that's like, well, I'm a manager, so I have to be polished or you
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  know, I'm I'm I'm a I'm an admin assistant, so I I should be kept underneath and shouldn't
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  have a voice like, no.
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  None of that.
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  Just real.
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  Authentic conversation.
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  And, it can be risky.
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  You know, that's why we carry mediator insurance.
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  But I think, you know, one of the basis one of the basics of mediation is where 2 parties
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  agree to find a solution better than each one could have come up on their own.
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  Right.
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  Right.
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  It's really, in my opinion, the definition of mediation, you know, it's about two people
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  wanting to find a solution.
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  Now can you give me an example, about when you go into a workplace?
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  What's the kind of the are you generally being called in because of performance issues?
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  Like, what what is it that companies called you in for?
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  And, kind of what's what's kind of the typical scenario you might get asked in for?
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  Okay.
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  So I, I don't know that there's a typical.
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  Every situation is very unique.
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  I'll give you an idea of a of a of a really great, example that sticks out in my mind.
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  From a, organization that and this is, you know, it's hard to talk about this because it's
• 23:35
  all confidential.
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  Right?
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  So an organization that looks after children, is struggling with conflict and there's a,
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  formal complaint being written up and about to be lodged.
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  So, you know, uh-uh a formal harassment complaint or a former a formal discrimination
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  or, you know, sexual harassment.
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  Once that gets formally, launched, that goes into a big machine.
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  And that's a problem.
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  So right before that happened, leadership came to me, said, We have an issue.
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  Do you think you can help us out?
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  I said yes.
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  And, what I did was I did a half day workshop.
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  And I was just coming in as a third party, you know, facilitator who had some skills and of
• 24:35
  course everybody knows that the that the that the workplace culture is is suffering.
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  Right?
• 24:40
  So some of them really wanna come and some of them don't wanna come at all, but I I, where I
• 24:48
  I engage them.
• 24:49
  I rein them in because I'm an expert.
• 24:51
  I I'm not I I'm I'm subjective.
• 24:53
  I don't have relationships with these people.
• 24:55
  I'm not emotionally connected to them.
• 24:57
  I've got lots of experience and information and and I and I piqued their interest.
• 25:01
  And then after that, what we did was we did the personal interviews and everybody had a chance
• 25:05
  to meet me, and then we got together for a circle.
• 25:09
  And so, I can't even remember your question, but I think it was around, you know, like, you
• 25:15
  know, like, what what types of people and what types of problems.
• 25:20
  So the problem was that somebody was feeling discriminated against discrimination.
• 25:29
  She was born.
• 25:32
  And she was kind of leaning on that as a crutch or like a a a reasonable ex excuse as to why
• 25:41
  people were treating her the way that they were treating her and, and she was retaliating and,
• 25:46
  her spouse was getting involved as well and, you know, wanting fairness and whatnot.
• 25:51
  And, when we looked at the the dynamics and the personalities of all of the players involved,
• 25:58
  you know, we were able to really sort things out.
• 26:00
  So here's one thing I wanna say about conflict.
• 26:03
  Imagine that conflict is like this big ball of knotted ropes, all different shapes, sizes, and
• 26:10
  colors right in the middle of your circle, your workplace circle.
• 26:15
  What if everybody could just reach in and take what's theirs and say this is mine.
• 26:20
  This is mine.
• 26:21
  This is how I've contributed to the conflict.
• 26:23
  I own this.
• 26:24
  If everybody can do that and trust me, everyone has a piece in that robe, then there's nothing
• 26:30
  left.
• 26:31
  Right?
• 26:32
  Right.
• 26:32
  So it's about the ownership.
• 26:34
  It's about owning your stuff.
• 26:35
  It's about being honest and vulnerable and speaking in the human connection you know, we
• 26:40
  don't get that from digital communication.
• 26:43
  We don't get that wow factor fuzzy feeling from an email that gets sent out.
• 26:48
  Right?
• 26:48
  So these are the skills that, that I help people foster.
• 26:53
  And then I I I do follow-up sessions afterward.
• 26:57
  And, I really encourage people to, you know, to use the face to face, to use that, you know,
• 27:04
  the the the potential that we were given by our creator and and to be able to just go and and
• 27:10
  work and talk it out when when when things aren't going so great you know, to talk it out,
• 27:16
  to ask, you know, hey, can we talk?
• 27:19
  Because this is a skill that we're losing.
• 27:22
  Losing the ability to have face to face conversations because we spend so much time
• 27:27
  hiding behind screens.
• 27:29
  And text messages when you're in conflict and emails and stuff, not effective, not not
• 27:35
  effective at all, perhaps to lay down the formula or the commitments after you've
• 27:40
  resolved and you wanna keep people accountable and you wanna stay on track.
• 27:44
  Absolutely.
• 27:46
  So that's that's fantastic.
• 27:48
  Right?
• 27:48
  I love what you said about if it's like a big, you know, ball of yarn and we all kind of took
• 27:53
  our piece away and took responsibility for how we impacted what what has developed.
• 27:59
  What a beautiful analogy, Penny.
• 28:01
  I love that.
• 28:02
  And I'm sure you use it to a lot because really, you know, when we kinda get
• 28:07
  oppositional, their backs get up.
• 28:09
  And like you said, we, you know, we don't get together.
• 28:11
  We don't you know, we kind of hide behind screens and texts, and, you know, we don't walk
• 28:16
  down to someone's office when we're having conflict.
• 28:19
  Which makes which heightens it and then it turns into something else.
• 28:22
  So sometimes it's it's like I say it's having those authentic conversation instead of hitting
• 28:27
  the, you know, the crest of the wave, it's kinda going to the the bottom of the currents
• 28:32
  to kinda look for what's there so that you can clear it out.
• 28:36
  Right?
• 28:36
  So from Great.
• 28:38
  Oh, I like that one.
• 28:40
  The crest of the wave versus the bottom of the current, because the current that's making the
• 28:46
  way.
• 28:47
  Absolutely.
• 28:48
  Now with organizations and productivity, I wanna like to talk a little bit about that.
• 28:53
  What for for managers, for, you know, CEOs or C suite that may be listening to this, what are
• 29:02
  the benefits that you've seen on the bottom line with, you know, your brands and conflict
• 29:08
  when you go in, what kind of some of the things that you can share with them that it's a
• 29:12
  benefit for them to use services like yours in order to impact the bottom line.
• 29:22
  Well, conflict is very costly.
• 29:24
  Statistics show that the average employee spends 2.8 hours in conflict per week.
• 29:30
  Per week.
• 29:30
  100.
• 29:31
  Yep.
• 29:32
  Wow.
• 29:33
  It's a $395,000,000,000 industry.
• 29:37
  Or it's a $395,000,000,000 cost.
• 29:41
  And you know what I think about that cost?
• 29:44
  That's everyone's responsibility, not just the bottom line of the corporation.
• 29:50
  You know, what if that your company could use that money for other things.
• 29:56
  You know, are you looking for a raise?
• 29:59
  Would you like to have better work conditions would you like to have, I don't know, there's
• 30:06
  there's, budgets, right, for everything and people and they're getting tighter and tighter
• 30:11
  and I really don't think that we should have to afford conflict.
• 30:16
  We don't have to.
• 30:18
  There's always going to be some type of of of, differences of opinion and whatnot, but that's
• 30:24
  healthy.
• 30:25
  When we can embrace that stuff We're pushed and squeezed and and and we come out the other side
• 30:30
  bigger and stronger and more powerful.
• 30:32
  Healthy teams embrace conflict are extremely productive.
• 30:36
  And very competitive, but it's this personality based conflict and things like that that is so
• 30:42
  costly you know, like, you look at what would it cost you in your business to have an
• 30:48
  employee off?
• 30:50
  Well, it's paying somebody to be off.
• 30:52
  And it's paying somebody to replace them.
• 30:55
  Right.
• 30:56
  Right?
• 30:57
  So it's extremely expensive.
• 31:00
  So some of the services that I offer are are training for prevention.
• 31:04
  You know, how do we prevent?
• 31:06
  How do we, like I said, in the beginning, you know, people are hired for their technical
• 31:09
  skills.
• 31:10
  Let's train them for the people skills.
• 31:13
  Look, lots of what I teach is common sense, but common sense isn't common practice.
• 31:20
  Right?
• 31:20
  It needs to be brought up to the forefront.
• 31:22
  Even myself, even you Roxanne, and you're a psychotherapist.
• 31:25
  I'm an expert in conflict resolution.
• 31:27
  When my emotions get entangled, everything I've learned is not at the top of my mind.
• 31:36
  Right?
• 31:37
  Right?
• 31:38
  So I'd call you.
• 31:40
  So, yeah, I was just talking to a a a, like, I was doing a session with someone and they They
• 31:46
  call it the burn letter, and I love that.
• 31:48
  And I I was gonna mention that to you.
• 31:50
  And what he would do is he would get emotional And then he was rattle off this letter, and he
• 31:55
  sent this letter, right, which it was I was like, woah.
• 32:00
  Wow.
• 32:01
  And then, you know, the person that I was having a meeting with said, those are called
• 32:05
  burn letters.
• 32:07
  Don't deter yourself from writing them.
• 32:09
  Just earn them.
• 32:11
  Well, I thought, I thought, yeah?
• 32:14
  Because as soon as that prefrontal cortex goes off, we're we're having a bit of a dance party
• 32:20
  in the mutual part of our brain to your point, and then we're, like, running on adrenaline and
• 32:26
  cortisol And what happens then?
• 32:28
  It's not pretty until you calm down.
• 32:31
  You step aside from the situation and you look at look at it more objectively versus
• 32:36
  subjectively, which is kind of what we all do it.
• 32:38
  We're human beings.
• 32:39
  Right?
• 32:41
  You know, once we get caught up in our emotions, it's difficult to understand, what
• 32:46
  role we're playing in things.
• 32:47
  And then, you know, how people are.
• 32:49
  We get, you know, you get defensive, our backs goes up, and then we get more polarized, and
• 32:54
  then we know what happens.
• 32:55
  Right?
• 32:55
  Like, you know, the great divide gets worse and worse.
• 32:58
  So, definitely, the cost is very high to to organizations.
• 33:03
  Right.
• 33:03
  And so workplace restorations is another service that I offer, conflict resolution,
• 33:09
  aviation.
• 33:09
  That's all kind of what I call workplace restoration.
• 33:13
  I do coaching for individual.
• 33:16
  And, I do keynotes.
• 33:18
  I want to, you know, help teach the masses, audiences just you know, from a more bird's eye
• 33:24
  level, broader perspective about, the effects or, you know, the effects of a packing around
• 33:31
  conflict.
• 33:32
  And so therefore, the suitcase keynote was born.
• 33:36
  And, one of the props in my suitcase, you you didn't get see because I I didn't pull it out
• 33:41
  of my suitcase this weekend, but it's a great big ball of not in rope and I I commit to you
• 33:48
  Roxanne.
• 33:49
  I will I will do a leadership tip with a video, and I will talk about this concept of the
• 33:54
  naughty rope because it really helps people see that there's a piece of of that conflict that's
• 34:01
  theirs and, you know, and even if they don't think that they're involved, They are.
• 34:07
  Can I ask you one last one last sorry?
• 34:09
  Go ahead.
• 34:09
  Finish that thought.
• 34:10
  I have one last question.
• 34:12
  One thing to leave everyone thinking is that most workplaces have a ringleader or a person
• 34:19
  that, everyone goes to to vent to talk to gossip.
• 34:23
  When there's conflict.
• 34:25
  So, you know, I think sometimes when we really start picking things apart, we realize the
• 34:30
  damage that we're doing by listening it or the damage that we're doing by feeding into it,
• 34:35
  even though it's not about us at all.
• 34:37
  Right.
• 34:38
  So because sometimes people will say, Yeah.
• 34:40
  But you don't know our workplace and they're they're referring to the ringleader, but what
• 34:46
  you're saying is that that really When you level off the playing field, everybody
• 34:50
  recognizes their responsibility, which takes away the power from the ringleader who kind of
• 34:55
  falls back into place.
• 34:58
  Because the ringleader thinks he or she is doing a good thing.
• 35:03
  Maybe it's your HR person.
• 35:05
  Right.
• 35:06
  You know, like, everybody plays a role.
• 35:09
  And I think when we really look at at the healthy ways to diffuse conflict, Everybody can
• 35:15
  kind of recalibrate their behavior because they all want peace.
• 35:20
  That's the beautiful thing about about working through conflict.
• 35:23
  It's like you don't really have it's not a tough sell.
• 35:26
  We all want joy and peace and happiness and so You know, everybody's working toward the same
• 35:35
  goal.
• 35:35
  Maybe they just have to recognize, how to work at it in the in the same direction.
• 35:41
  Awesome, Penny.
• 35:41
  This has been fantastic.
• 35:43
  So tell everybody where they can get ahold of you.
• 35:46
  And, Penny also has some some live workshops coming up in North Bay, which I, you know, I've
• 35:51
  heard that they she had a couple just recently, and she's doing a couple more.
• 35:55
  So where can they reach you?
• 35:57
  So that if they wanted more information on you, Penny?
• 36:00
  Okay.
• 36:01
  So my website is Kenny.com.
• 36:03
  That's pennytermblay.com.
• 36:09
  And, you know, one of the best ways to kind of, get some free information is to sign up to my
• 36:15
  leadership tips because I write 1 a month.
• 36:19
  My coach is encouraging me to write 1 a week, but right now I write 1 a month, and have a
• 36:23
  little video clip that goes with it and it's a learning point.
• 36:25
  So it's called a leadership tip.
• 36:27
  It's completely educational.
• 36:28
  And then if I do have some public things going on, I will post them there.
• 36:32
  I from that website, you can follow me on social media.
• 36:37
  I've got a Facebook business page and I'm on Instagram and LinkedIn.
• 36:40
  But, I think that, you know, if you just wanna go to pennytravely.com, subscribe to my
• 36:45
  newsletter.
• 36:46
  My phone number's there.
• 36:47
  I have one phone number.
• 36:48
  It's my cell phone.
• 36:49
  You can call me, text me, I'm more than happy to help.
• 36:52
  I I really have a a mission to increase the world's peace.
• 36:56
  And trust me, I've been through the fire with conflict of my own.
• 37:01
  I know a lot of people have personal things and a lot of people have business things and you
• 37:05
  know what?
• 37:06
  I really just wanna help so glad to have met you Roxanne.
• 37:10
  You know, it's been, it's been a a great run already for our our our working relationship
• 37:16
  and our friendship.
• 37:17
  And I I'm really honored that you asked me to be a guest today on your podcast.
• 37:22
  Well, thanks so much again.
• 37:23
  And, I know I'll be seniors relatively soon, probably sooner than later.
• 37:28
  So everyone that's listening, please reach out to Penny.
• 37:30
  And I guess when I listen to Penny's message, you know, it's it's really about, you know,
• 37:36
  what part of a conflict, and we all get into conflict what can I do to neutralize it and to
• 37:42
  really put myself in that other person's shoes, whether whether it's a personal relationship or
• 37:47
  work great place relationship, family, lots of things?
• 37:51
  We all get into it.
• 37:52
  We're human beings, and we're gonna get into because we connect, we're gonna get in
• 37:56
  conflict, and it's really about taking responsibility for your actions.
• 38:01
  And if if if it's needing more at that point, then you get the support that you need from
• 38:06
  someone like Penny or myself to get the support that, you need.
• 38:10
  So thanks again for tuning in.
• 38:12
  And, if you're needing more information on on me, you can go to Derhodge.
• 38:18
  Forward slash blueprint will, which will give you a free course for me.
• 38:21
  So, take care, and we'll talk to you soon.