Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / The Greatest Legacy a Dad Can Leave

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The Greatest Legacy a Dad Can Leave · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hello, this is the Happy Families Podcast. We're so glad
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: that you joined us for our I'll Do Better Tomorrow
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: episode where we talk about the week that was, what worked,
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: what didn't, and what we can do better so that
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: our families can be happier next week, even if this
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: week was great. We are going to talk about Father's
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Day today. Kylie's decided that she wants to jump on
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: board with my I'll Do Better Tomorrow. Can't think of
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: her own. Wants to go with what I was going
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: to talk about. Why are you shaking your head?
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: You're hilarious. Sorry. You wouldn't be a father without me.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: But we nailed it this year. It was the best
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: Father's Day on record. Really, really exciting. And we want
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: to share. I was going to say the recipe. I
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: wonder if it could be replicated. I don't know if
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: it could be. I think it happened so organically and
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: it was absolutely perfect. Going to tell you more right
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: after this. Stay with us. G'day, this is the Happy
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: Families podcast where you get real parenting solutions every single day.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: We're Justin and Kylie Coulson. We're the parents of six kids.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: And normally Father's Day ends up being a day of,
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: what's the word?
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: Unmet expectations.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: That's exactly. I was going to say glumness. I always
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: feel a bit glum because the kids.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: It's so funny. You don't even get like this about
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: your birthday. But Father's Day has just always been this
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: day where it just doesn't matter what is on offer.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: It just never seems to meet the expectations of what
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: it is you are hoping for.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: I just want us to be together and love being
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: together as a family and there's all this stuff around
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: gifts and there's all this pomp and ceremony all sort
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: of stuff not that we do any pomp and ceremony
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: but there's kind of that whole it's father's day so
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: we have to make dad feel special kind of thing
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: and it i don't know it just always backfires nothing
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: ever works and.
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: Well you've always said to the kids you just want
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: a day where everybody gets on which never happens.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: Just want everyone to be nice to each other i
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: want the house tidy that's all i want for father's day.
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  Speaker 2: No big expectations there at all.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: Impossible, apparently. So anyway, this Father's Day, our anniversary tomorrow,
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: you decided you were going to jump on board and
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: take mine. Our Father's Day is basically, we nailed it.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: It absolutely went off.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: Well, I don't think we nailed it. I think our
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: kids nailed it.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: Maybe that's it.
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: There was a lovely card. There was a small gift
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: or two, but nothing particularly. And I think that's the thing, right?
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: Like Father's Day, I don't need anything. And yet the
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: kids always want to get me something and I don't
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: appreciate it because I don't need it. And I don't
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: want to sound ungrateful. It's just that they give me stuff.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, well, thanks. But I don't need more stuff.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: I'm not into stuff. I'm not a stuff kind of guy.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: I'm a.
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: Experience and time.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right. And yet, by the time we get
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: to Sunday night, sometimes I'm a bit tired and grumpy.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: And the kids are usually the tired and grumpy.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: You were pretty grumpy on Sunday.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Well, you made me go and have a nap.
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: I sure did. Because I was like, there is no
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: way I'm going to let you be like this when
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: everybody shows up.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Which incidentally meant that I couldn't sleep on Sunday night,
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: which meant that I was grumpy on Monday. But that's fine.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: It's not Father's Day on Monday.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: I was happy on Sunday. So anyway, we had dinner.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: It was just a nice Sunday night. But then it
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: wasn't even you. It was our eldest daughter, Chanel.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: She.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: decided that we were going to go around the table
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: and everyone had to say something they loved about me,
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: which I felt really like I'm squirming in my seat.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: I don't know why, but I feel really uncomfortable sitting
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: there and being the person that everyone's talking about it.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: It felt a little bit odd and uncomfortable, but at
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: the same time, it was really nice. I loved everything
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: that everybody said. I was really touched. And one of
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: the great things about it is that as our family's
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: getting older, they're really learning how to say meaningful things.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Our two sons-in-law were there. They were so kind and
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: generous in what they said. And your parents were there.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: And I don't know how hard they had to reach
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: to find something nice to say about me, but they
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: really did a nice job. They said nice things as well,
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: which felt very, very good. But as I was listening
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: and having that moment, I had this thought. I was like,
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: hang on, Father's Day, this isn't supposed to be about me.
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: This is supposed to be about everyone else. And I said,
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: do you mind if we sit here for another 40 minutes?
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  Speaker 1: Because I want to say to each of you something
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: that I love about you. And so I went around
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: the table and I spoke to the 12 or 13
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: people who were around the table about each of them
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: and what they mean to me in my life. And
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: I just, I'd felt good, Kylie. It felt really, really
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: nice to spend time sitting at the table, plates full
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: of food, everybody in really great spirits. And the thing is,
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: it wasn't deep and somber and meaningful because as soon
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: as I would say something, one of the kids would interrupt.
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: And Share a memory of that specific event.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: And then it would go on tangents and side treks.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: And it was wild. Your parents were sitting there going,
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: oh my goodness, is this what this family is like
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: all the time? Because it was loud.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: They've been a part of our family for a long time, clearly.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: But I don't think they will ever get used to
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: just how noisy the table at dinner time is in
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: our house.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: It was so much. But when all of that was done,
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: And it took a while because the kids, we've got this,
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: we make light of it. We have lots of laughs
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: about it. But generally speaking, nobody's allowed to say more
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: than two sentences without being interrupted at our table. There's
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: always somebody with something to add.
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: We have one child we won't name, but she gets
• 5:18
  Speaker 2: herself really worked up and it starts off with laughter.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: And before long, it's tears and tears. She manages to
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: bring that back down and then somebody says something else
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: and it just starts all over again.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: So we had at least five episodes where Annie, I'm
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: saying it, where Annie just burst into tears, started sobbing.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: But it's laughing sobbing. Yeah, it's like big smiles and
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: huge teardrops. But after the break, I want to share
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: with you.
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: The magic.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: The absolute magic of the night because if that wasn't
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: beautiful enough and it really, really was delightful. It only
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: got better. Stay with us. Okay, so Father's Day, we
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: did a bit of tidying up, but not much because
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: nobody really wanted to help. So I spent most of
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: the time in the kitchen and yet I didn't resent
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: it at all because everyone was having so much fun.
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: But while I was cleaning up in the kitchen, again, Chanel,
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: our eldest, she pressed play on the speaker and And
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: the song by Chris Isaac, Blue Hotel, started to play.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: So when Chanel was little and I could pick her
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: up and carry her, that was a song that we
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: danced to in the kitchen almost every day. Like it
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: was just a tradition. It was a thing. It's what
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: we did. And it wasn't pretty.
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: No. Just putting it out there.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: No, swinging it around and stomping up and down. Like
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: I don't really know how to dance. But she pressed
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: play on the song and she came and grabbed me
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: from the kitchen and said, we've got to dance. I
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: can't pick her up and swing her around like I
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: used to. So it was even uglier than it used
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: to be when I was in charge because she was
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: trying to fight me as we tried to dance.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: But this is the song. You've got to finish the story.
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: This is the song that you danced to at her wedding.
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: And it was just as ugly as it was in
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: the kitchen all those years earlier. But that was the
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: song that she wanted to, I guess, be sent off
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: with after she married Jared. And so there's just so
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: much joy wrapped up in that song.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: And then Abby played Cinderella by Steve Curtis Chapman because
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: that was her wedding song with me. And we danced
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: to that.
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: That started as a little girl who used to stand
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: on your toes, like stand on your feet while you
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: danced around the kitchen. Yeah. Yeah.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: And then all of the kids played a different song
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: and we all danced. And it was not set up
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: like they hadn't planned this. It just naturally evolved. It grew.
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: It just happened. Well, you think that it wasn't planned.
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: It was actually a conversation Chanel had with me the
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: day before. I said, have you got anything planned for dad?
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: I'm just making sure that tomorrow things go well. And
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: she said, well, you said that we were just having
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: family dinner. And I said, yep. And I said, anything else?
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: And she was like, he doesn't want anything. And I said, yep,
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: that's true. And she said, I just thought that we'd
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: pull out the songs from our weddings and we'd dance
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: to that. And that's how it came about. She had
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: me thinking about it.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: It was totally organic, though.
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: It was.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there was nothing formal about it. And I reckon
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: for the next hour, we danced and we swung around
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: and I picked up Indy, our granddaughter, and swung her around.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: We got to this point where we realized that babies
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: number five and six actually don't have a song because
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: this tradition actually stopped once we sent one off and
• 8:36
  Speaker 2: got married and we moved house and our kitchen's not
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: as big as the one that we came from. And
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: it kind of stopped. And so for me, it was
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: just this realization, oh, This tradition needs to continue because
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: we've got more children that are coming up the ranks.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: And the realization that little Indy, our granddaughter, she can
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: be part of this. And what was so funny was
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: Chanel was like, Indy doesn't have a song. Indy loves
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: We Will Rock You. We Will Rock You. And Chanel
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: went to play it and then realized that that probably
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: wasn't the right song to dance to with you in
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: the lounge room. But Indy heard two notes. Yeah.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: Boom, boom, choo.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: She heard those notes and it was on. She was like,
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: I won. We well rocked. She was getting really, really
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: worked up. So, you ended up doing this kind of
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: heavy metal, head-banging song with her, which she just loved.
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: And then she didn't want to go home.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: And so, at the end of it.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: She's like, just one more, just one more. And what
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: was supposed to be your day ended up being my day.
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: I'm just taking it. Mm-hmm. And owning it because she
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: wanted to sing Kylie Coulson.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Oh, yes.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: And I think that that was actually the most beautiful
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: finish to the night.
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: So the whole family was bountiful. up and down to
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: Kylie Coulson in the living room and holding hands and
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: swinging around.
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: But it was all led by this little three-year-old. Yeah. Indie.
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: She wanted to hold our hands. She wanted us to
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: walk around in a circle. And she just emanated so
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: much joy and love. And for me... I guess this
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: kind of comes full circle because at the dinner table,
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: the thing that stood out to me as each of
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: the girls shared the things that they loved about you
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: was actually all about me and not that my sharing
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: is because it was about me. It was because of
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: what they said specifically. Every single one of our children
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: acknowledged that the thing that they loved about you the
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: most was the way that you loved me and the
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: example that you set for them about the kind of
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: man that they wanted to have in their life. We
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: have two children who are married. and have chosen beautiful
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: men who love them, who help them to feel safer
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: and stronger, and who add value to their lives in
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: such meaningful ways. And so it was just this beautiful
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: full circle moment as you and I kind of went
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: for a walk after dinner and we talked about it.
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: For me, whenever we talk to parents, their greatest hope
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: is that their children will live happy lives. And we
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: think about all of the things that we can gift
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: them throughout their childhood to help them achieve that. We
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: sacrificed time and money and effort for them to, you know,
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: do all of the extracurricular, learn all the different skills
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: so that they'll have this full, rich experience. But as
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: I thought about it more as we finished up and
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: wrapped up our Father's Day, the thing that really, really
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: hit home for me was the greatest legacy you as
• 11:41
  Speaker 2: their dad have given them already is the the way
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: you love me and it's not very often you can
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: say you do things perfectly but you have always loved
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: me perfectly and left me feeling more than I've ever
• 12:01
  Speaker 2: experienced in my life and for our girls to not
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: only see that but know it like deeply know it
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: is the greatest blessing in their lives and in ours
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: And so as we finished the night off with that
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: beautiful song that JR curated for us with the help
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: of AI, it was just this beautiful moment of celebration
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: that your life is actually about how you love me.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: And in essence, how that then plays out in our girls' lives.
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: That was to me the night in a nutshell. Yeah.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: No need for cards and gifts and all that sort
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: of stuff. Although if you like that stuff, that's fine.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: Go for it. But for me, this was a great
• 12:48
  Speaker 1: Father's Day because it was a celebration of us. It
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: was a celebration of the bonds that we share, the
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: love that we have. I'm always curious about when sometimes
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: I'll talk to people, usually younger people, sometimes older people,
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: who talk about how once you're stuck in a relationship,
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: you're I'm going to use the word bound, like you're stuck.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: The idea is you don't have freedom. That constraint on
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: you kind of, it means that you can't do everything
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: you want to do. And yet those constraints, those bonds,
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: they make our lives so rich. I wouldn't have it
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: any other way.
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: I don't see it as a constraint. It actually enlarges
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: my capacity and my abilities in such beautiful ways. Yeah.
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: So that was, that's our show and tell for this week.
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: It was an absolute ripper. And really what it came
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: down to was sharing our feelings with one another and
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: then doing a lot of dancing, really bad dancing to
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: really loud music. So much so that when you took
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: your parents outside.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: Well, my mum and dad opted to leave just before
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: it got really, really crazy on the dance floor. And
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: as I opened.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: On the rug in the living room.
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: The tiny rug. I opened the gate for them to
• 13:57
  Speaker 2: drive their car out. And there was a whole, I'm
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: guessing a family. walking past and they were staring into
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: our yard. And I kind of turned around and looked
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: and realized that our house was kind of rocking. There
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: was a lot of noise coming from the lounge room
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: and I just thought, I wonder what they're thinking.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Have a great weekend. Thanks so much for listening to
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: the Happy Families podcast, sound and audio engineering by Justin
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: Rowland from Bridge Medium. M. Hammond looks after additional support.
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: If you would like more info to make your family happier,
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: Check it all out at happyfamilies.com.au. She's Kylie, Kylie Coulson
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  Speaker 1: Turning chaos into grace Building.
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  Speaker 2: Happy little worlds.
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  Speaker 1: In this one big busy place Six.
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  Speaker 2: Daughters at.
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  Speaker 1: The table Future is shining like the stars
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: They believe her in their hearts.