Latest / INSIGHT FOR LIVING: Biblical Wisdom For Everyday Living / Accepting Reproof from Those Who Love Us Msg 1012 - Pastor Chuck Swindoll Insight for Living

Transcript

Accepting Reproof from Those Who Love Us Msg 1012 - Pastor Chuck Swindoll Insight for Living · INSIGHT FOR LIVING: Biblical Wisdom For Everyday Living

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: What gives substance to music and the ministry of the
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: word always revolves around.
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: The great doctrines.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: As you saw in the lyrics, references to one great
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: doctrine after another. I hope you don't miss that as
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: you sing. When we open God's word, we are again
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: dealing with three great doctrines. One has to do with revelation,
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: which is God giving his word, revealing his word.
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: To men and women during biblical days. That has ceased.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: And then there is inspiration, where those who received the
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: word recorded it.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Without error.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: So that what you have in the original autographs, Is
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: an inerrant text of Holy Scripture.
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: Inspiration. Which has ceased. But now we enjoy the benefits
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: of illumination.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: Where we're able to understand. Grasp the truths. That are
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: recorded for us. Like today on the subject of reproof.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: If you understand truth. Anything is a result of today's teaching.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: It is called illumination, where the Spirit of God takes
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: print from a page, burns it into your mind, and
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: then ultimately leads you to walk in it by application.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: So we look forward not to revelation that's ceased.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: We have God's book. Not to inspiration.
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: That has ceased. That passage of scripture we'll be looking at.
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: Each one is inspired of God. But illumination. As our
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: eyes are opened and we see, we hear what we
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: would not otherwise know. I'll be reading for you from
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: Proverbs beginning at chapter 3. If you haven't already located
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: the book, please do so. A good way to remember
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: is that the Psalms are right about the center of
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: your Bible. And the very next book to the right
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: is Proverbs. May we stand for the reading of the scriptures, please.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: Proverbs 3, verse 11. My son, do not reject the
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: discipline of the Lord or loathe his reproof. For whom
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: the Lord loves, he reproves. even as a father corrects
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: the son in whom he delights. And turn to chapter 15.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Chapter 15, verse 5. A fool rejects his father's discipline,
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: but he who regards reproof.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: Is sensible. Verse 10. Verse 10.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: Grievous punishment is for him who forsakes the way. He
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: who hates reproof.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: Will die.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: Verse 31 of the same chapter, 1531. He whose ear
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: listens to the life-giving reproof will.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Dwell among the wise.
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: He who neglects discipline despises himself. But he who listens
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: to reproof Acquires understanding. One other proverb, chapter 27, verse 6.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: 27, 6.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: the kisses of an enemy. And finally, a few verses
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: from the sixth chapter of Ephesians. Verse one, chapter six, Ephesians. Children,
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: with promise, so that it may be well with you
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: and that you may live long on the earth.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: Fathers.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: Do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: up in the discipline and.
• 4:56
  Speaker 2: Instruction of the Lord.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Such wise counsel from a book that is ageless, timeless,
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: and true.
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: Please be seated.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: May we bow for prayer together. Our dear Father, we
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: so desire that everything be well within us. We long
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: for good health and we pray for our loved ones,
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: our friends, our family members who are physically not well.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: We pray that you will do what only you can do.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: Doctors prescribe, but you alone heal. We pray that as
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: a result of your hand of favor that it might
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: be well within the bodies of those who today suffer deeply.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: We long to be well mentally to have one thought
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: follow another in a logical and appropriate manner so that
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: decisions are made that are wise And courage is applied
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: as it teams up with conviction to stand for what
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: we know is right in this world that is so
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: tragically adrift. We long to be emotionally well where we're
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: able to take the hammer blows of affliction And endure them.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: We're able to press on. Even when misunderstood.
• 7:08
  Speaker 2: Or maligned. We pray Lord.
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: For emotional wellness. So that we might have relationships. That
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: are truthful. Not hypocritical.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: That our words would be true. Not deceptive. And give
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: us strength. Of emotions. So that we are not insecure.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: And afraid of others. Or of circumstances. But most of all.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: May it be well with our souls.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: Deep within. Where only your scalpel. Your razor sharp word.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: Is able to pierce.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: And to touch us.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: In the soul and the spirit. May we become well.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: No longer unhealthy. No longer pursuing those things that are
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: not good for us. And especially in the realm of sin.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: Remind us our father that.
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: My sin. My sin.
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: Oh, the bliss of this thought. My sin not in part,
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: but the whole is nailed to the cross. We bear
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: it no more. Praise the Lord, oh my soul. For
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: these and a hundred other things we pray. And may
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: these offerings move toward that end. As we find ourselves
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: the recipients of your blessings. physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. In
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: the name of the only one who can.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: Make us well, we pray. Everyone said, Amen.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: I have never heard anyone speak on reproofs. Isn't that interesting?
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: Even though I have... listened to numerous messages about the
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: home and family. I have delivered a number of them
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: in my ministry. I do not believe there's ever been
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: a time that I've pulled back and looked at the
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: value of the reproofs that come from those who love us.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: In fact, it is mentioned so seldom that Some of
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: you may not even know what I'm referring to. Among
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: other things, it has to do with caring.
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: Enough to confront. Exhibiting tough love.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: Speaking the truth at the right time for the right
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: reason in the right way. saying the hard thing to
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: someone who we love, helping them understand that there's a
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: blind spot in their life that is detrimental to them
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: and or to others. Now, you just don't do that
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: with strangers on the street.
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: Of course not.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: You wouldn't lean over and say to someone sitting right
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: next to you, I need to reprove you about something
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: if you don't know them. and you certainly should never
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: do such things in public. And so for this reason,
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: it is something that fits the home perfectly. As we're
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: growing up, we have parents who observe things about our
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: behavior or our attitudes, and they address them if they
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: are faithful, loving parents. And many of us were blessed
• 11:09
  Speaker 1: with such. And then as we marry, we find that
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: the wife or the husband takes up that role and
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: on occasion will say things no one.
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: Else would say.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: This is especially true when an individual has reached a
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: place of power over people, a role of real authority.
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: I thought of that when someone handed me a letter
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: that Clementine Churchill gave her husband Winston. a wife's letter
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: to her husband. And what's interesting is that it was
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: sent to him on.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: The month and in the year when the Blitzkrieg was
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: at its height.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: You who were too young to know anything of the
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: Second World War would not know that the Luftwaffe, the
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: German bombers, came and mercilessly bombed Great Britain. hoping ultimately
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: to break her back. The pressure, the stress of that
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: time rested in many ways on the shoulders of Sir
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: Winston Churchill, the prime minister, a powerful man in a
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: powerful position who ultimately led that nation to victory. In
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: the midst of that time, Clemmy, as he called his wife,
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: wrote this letter My darling, I hope you will forgive me. Oh,
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: when you start with a letter like that, you know
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: you're in for some real tough talk. I hope you
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: will forgive me if I tell you something I feel
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: you ought to know. One of the men in your entourage,
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: a devoted friend, has been to me and told me
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: that there is a danger of your being generally disliked
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: by your colleagues and subordinates because of your rough, sarcastic,
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: and overbearing manner.
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: It seems your.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: Private secretaries have agreed to behave like schoolboys and take
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: what's coming to them and then escape out of your presence,
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: shrugging their shoulders. Higher up, if an idea is suggested,
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: say at a conference, you are so contemptuous that presently
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: no ideas good or bad will be forthcoming I was
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: astonished and upset she writes because in all these years
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: I have been accustomed to all those who have worked
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: with and under you loving you I said this and
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: and I was told well no doubt it's the strain
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: my darling Winston I must confess that I have noticed
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: a deterioration in your manner and you are not so
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: kind as you used to be. It is for you
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: to give the orders and if they are bungled, except
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: for the king, the archbishop of Canterbury and the speaker,
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: you can sack anyone and everyone.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: Therefore, with this terrific power.
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: You must combine urbanity, kindness, and if possible, Olympic calm.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: I cannot bear that those who serve the country and
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: yourself should not love as well as admire and respect you. Besides,
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: you won't get the best results by irascibility and rudeness.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: They will breed either dislike or a slave mentality. And
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: rebellion in wartime is out of the question. Please forgive
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: your loving, devoted, and watchful Clemmie. To Winston Churchill.
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: Why did it work? She's his wife. She has a
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: corner on his attention in life. No other woman does.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: She has the discernment that has been gleaned and gained
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: over years of marriage. She knows her darling Winston. She
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: knows him well enough to confront because she knew that
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: if that continued, it would take a toll on the
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: morale of the people to say nothing his own immediate.
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: Associates and team members.
• 16:06
  Speaker 2: And so.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: Allow me to spend a little bit of time. Defining
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: the term. And then we'll look at sections of scripture.
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: Where it is mentioned. And draw from that truths to
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: live by. When we reprove another person. We confront attitudes.
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: And or actions that need to be corrected. We refuse
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: to look the other way. Or just ignore because they're
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: under stress and strain. Because we know that what we're
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: sharing is good for.
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: The one we love.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: And those whose lives she or he touches. To reprove
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: is to risk saying the hard thing. It is to
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: point out what needs to be addressed and probably won't be.
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: By most other people.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: If anyone, again, it's caring enough to confront how valuable
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: are friends who love us that much. It was Sir
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Francis Bacon in the 17th century who wrote in his
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: essay on friendship, the best preservative to keep the mind
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: in health is the faithful admonition of a friend. I
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: hope you have a few. I'm sad for you if
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: you do not. I regret where your life will go
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: without the watchful eye of one who loves you enough
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: to tell you the truth. Reproof isn't condemning criticism. It
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: isn't a public rebuke that embarrasses. It isn't an angry outburst.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: Reproof isn't constantly finding fault. So if you're going there,
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: stop going there and reverse your direction.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: None of us.
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: Need someone who constantly finds fault with us. And unfortunately,
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: I have seen marriages like that. I've seen young adult
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: children say to me, I've heard them say, when I
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: think back to our home, all I can remember is
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: a father's frown and a mother's critical tongue.
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: How sad. That isn't reproof. That's condemnation.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: But how wise are those of us who've had the
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: privilege of listening to parents look at us and say,
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: I need to tell you something that you need to
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: hear for your good. And interestingly, when it was effective,
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: it was always said in private. You were never embarrassed
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: in a public setting. Reproof is to be kept on
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: a one-to-one basis. Ideally, it begins early in life. Now,
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: I know some of you are thinking, hot dog, this
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: is my moment. Wait till I get home. I am
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: going to step into this one and Chuck, thanks for
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: giving me the, no, wait, wait, wait, wait.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: Hold it. Reproofs are usually.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: Given with great reluctance. And they are infrequent. I mean,
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: it's not something you do every day. It's too much.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: If you do this every day.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: Someone sent me the words of a man who wrote
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: his rabbi.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: Speaking of that.
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: He goes to his rabbi and he says, Rabbi, something
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: terrible is happening and I have to talk to you
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: about it.
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: Rabbi asked, what's wrong?
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: Man replied, my wife is poisoning me. Rabbi, very surprised
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: by this, says, how can that be? The man pleads,
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me.
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: What should I do, Rabbi? Wait, wait, wait.
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: Tell you what, let me talk with her and I'll
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: see what I can find out and I'll let you know.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: A week later, the rabbi calls the man back and says,
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: I spoke to her on the phone and I listened
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: to her for three hours.
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: You want my advice? Take the poison.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: Somewhere down the line, there's a woman who failed to
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: learn from the reproofs so that now her life is
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: characterized by making her husband and family miserable. It's the
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: result of resisting, rejecting, and ignoring reproofs. So if this
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: is exciting you and you can't wait to carry it out,
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: you're not hearing me. You're not hearing me. This isn't
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: a public rebuke. This is not caustic criticism. This is
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: not an angry outburst. None of that does much good
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: at all. It usually does more harm. It isn't constantly
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: finding fault with anyone. It's afterthought and prayer. And at
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: just the right time, it is saying in private what
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: you know must be said and cannot be left unsaid.
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: It is speaking the truth in love so that the
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: other person can grow up in that area of his.
• 22:08
  Speaker 2: Or her life.
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: One of the healthy marks of a mature relationship is
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: the freedom to talk straight. It is one of the
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: things that makes marriage so magnificent. Who else loves us
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: like that partner loves us? Who else can we trust
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: more to talk truth than she or he? Now, in
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: Proverbs chapter 3, we read of a reproof everyone would
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: agree with. It's called divine reproof, and it happens rather
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: regularly to Christians. Proverbs 3, verse 11.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: My son. By the way, this is in the my.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: Son section of Proverbs, which runs from chapter 1 all
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: the way through chapter 7. My son, my son, my son.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: This is counsel a daddy is giving a son. This
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: is counsel for the families. My son, he says in
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: chapter 3 and verse 11. Do not reject the discipline
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: of the Lord. Notice it's from the Lord. Or loathe
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: his reproofs. For whom the Lord loves, he reproves. Even
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: I love the way that reads.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: God doesn't reprove us because he despises us. Oh, on
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: the contrary. He loves us so much.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: He cannot hold back from reproving us. And haven't we
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: all experienced it? Maybe no one else said anything, but
• 23:47
  Speaker 1: you knew when you went to bed that night, you
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: shouldn't have said that that day. Or when you reacted
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: as you did at the office, you shouldn't have reacted
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: like that. You really owe them an apology. That's called
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: a reproof from God. When you know that your temper
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: has flown off a handle or you've gone too far,
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: you've been overbearing, The Lord reproves you and he reveals.
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: That to you.
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: There isn't a voice in the night. There isn't handwriting
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: in the sky from God. There is just a deep
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: down sense of conviction.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: Good conviction. The right kind of guilt that says you
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: need to make this right. Don't despise. Don't reject the
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: discipline of the Lord. He's reproving you.
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: Because like a father with a son.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: He delights in you.
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: One of the ways our children know that we delight
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: in them is that we care enough to tell them
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: the truth.
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: Who else can?
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: We all look back on our childhood, at least I
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: hope you can, I certainly do, to those times when
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: our dad or our mom pulled us aside, set us
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: down in a room, He said, I want you to
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: listen to me now because there are some things you
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: need to learn, son or sweetheart. There are some things
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: I need to confront you with. You're wise if you
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: listen to that, especially if you hear it and then
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: begin the process of breaking a bad habit. Every time
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: I see adults that carry out their life with a
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: series of bad habits, I know they have not been reproved.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: Or they have been reproved and they have not accepted it.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: Usually it means they have not been mentored. One of
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: the great things about a mentor is not only instruction,
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: but a reproof. I've had several mentors in my life.
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: Every one of them reproved me about something.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: Every one of them.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: Delighted in me. I felt greatly loved, but it stung.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: A reproof is hard to hear. One of my mentors
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: said to me years ago, I'll never forget it. Chuck,
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: you have a great sense of humor, but unfortunately it's
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: often at someone else's expense.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: He was right.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: That's why my humor was often back then sarcastic. And
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: sometimes I would say things that would embarrass one in
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: the room, but everybody else would laugh.
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: But the one person who didn't laugh is offended at
• 26:30
  Speaker 2: my expense.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: If someone is to look foolish, I ought to be
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: the one that looks foolish, not someone else. He was
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: wise to tell me that needs to be corrected. I've
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: heard another reproof from one who loves me more than
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: anyone else. And she has said to me, you are impatient, sweetheart.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: And I will say, no, I'm not. And she will say, no, yes, yes,
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: you are. For example, and then she'll mention something that
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: revealed impatience, and then it's even to the point where
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: I tend to finish people's sentences. Of course, you don't
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: have that problem, but I often know what they're trying
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: to say, and I help them say it.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: How arrogant.
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: How discourteous. People I talk to are well able to
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: finish their own sentences, but if I'm so impatient.
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: They won't be given an opportunity. So I've been reproved.
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: Don't do that. Just listen. Patiently listen.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: Now, we read in Proverbs chapter 15 the same type
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: of thing.
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: Verse 5. Look at this.
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: 15.5. A fool rejects his father's discipline. We saw one
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: in our series already. He was called the prodigal son.
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: Who cares what dad thinks about his inheritance?
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: I want it. I want it now. I've got it coming.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: Give it to me.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: That's a fool that does that. Scripture says that. A
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: fool rejects his father's discipline. But he who regards reproof.
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: Has a lot of sense.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: You gain wisdom beyond your years when you learn from reproofs.
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: Especially if you open your life to a few friends
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: who feel the freedom to tell you the hard thing.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: Sometimes you may even invite it. Sometimes it comes uninvited.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: But when handled well, it benefits. Look at verse 10.
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: Strong verse. Grievous punishment is for him who forsakes the way.
• 28:52
  Speaker 2: You know what? There are iron bars on that verse.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: It's called a prison.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: Many wind up there because they forsook the way. They
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: ignored wise reproof. They didn't listen to their mom and daddy.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: They fell in with wrong friends. And wouldn't you know it,
• 29:16
  Speaker 1: grievous punishment followed. In fact, he who hates reproof, the
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: verse ends, will die. I call that serious reproof. You
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: are going to an early death by hating reproof. And
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: in the process, you kill the spirit and heart of others.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: will you let this sink in parents and children who
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: live under the same roof you will not hear this
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: in school today you will not hear this in the
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: public square in.
• 29:55
  Speaker 2: Our day it is the child that rules the school
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: The home. The family. How tragic. How wrong. It's parents who.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: Relinquish their role of authority. Peace at any price. That
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: isn't peace. That's releasing to society those who can't control themselves.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: By the way, years ago, Dr. Siegel wrote in the
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: Stanford Observer, I quote, When it comes to rearing children,
• 30:31
  Speaker 1: every society is only 20 years away from barbarism. 20
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: years is all we have to accomplish the task of
• 30:41
  Speaker 1: civilizing the infants who were born into our midst each year.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: Using strong words, he continues, these savages know nothing of
• 30:52
  Speaker 1: our language, our culture, our religion, our values, our customs.
• 30:58
  Speaker 1: of interpersonal relations. The infant is totally ignorant about communism, fascism, democracy,
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: civil liberties. The rights of the minority is contrasted with
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: the prerogatives of the majority. Respect, decency, honesty, customs, conventions,
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: and manners. The barbarian must be tamed if civilization is
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: to survive. Born into your home is a barbarian. Because
• 31:27
  Speaker 1: they have your nature. They need to be directed correctly.
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: Or they will live their lives wrong. And it will
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: impact others wherever they go. And so we read in
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: Proverbs chapter 15 verses 31 and 32. He who neglects
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: discipline despises himself. Isn't that an interesting statement? You show
• 31:58
  Speaker 1: that you really despise yourself when you turn off the
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: wise discipline. But he who listens to reproof acquires understanding.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: You meet someone with understanding, they've been reproved and they
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: have learned understanding. It's that third dimension that so many
• 32:19
  Speaker 1: people need to be around and so few people have.
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: Verse 32, he who neglects discipline despises himself. Look at
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: verse 31. He whose ear listens to life-giving reproof will
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: dwell among the wise.
• 32:38
  Speaker 2: How true that is. Let me ask you something.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: Are your friends wise friends? Are they good for you?
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: Evil company corrupts good morals. 1 Corinthians 15, 33 states.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: You run with evil, you'll become evil. You run with
• 33:06
  Speaker 2: those who are.
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: Undisciplined, you will begin to live an undisciplined life.
• 33:13
  Speaker 2: And here's the result. Look at verse 33.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: The fear of the Lord is the instruction for wisdom
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: and understanding.
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: And before honor comes humility. Love that.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: In order for reproof to be received, there must be
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: appropriate humility. There must be the willingness to say, you know,
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: if there's something that's going on that I don't know about,
• 33:44
  Speaker 1: I'd appreciate your telling me.
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: I need to know.
• 33:49
  Speaker 1: Cynthia and I have a very good friend now dead
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: who was a fine psychologist and a And passed along
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: to us a principle that we never forget and often quote.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: People have a right to know the reason behind the
• 34:02
  Speaker 1: feeling you have for them. Again, people have the right
• 34:08
  Speaker 1: to know the reason behind the feeling you have for them.
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: Friend with friend. You know, I've noticed there's a little
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: distance between us. Has something happened? You know, I noticed
• 34:23
  Speaker 1: when I want to get with you that you seem
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: to always have a reason not to now.
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: Have I done something? Have I said something?
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: And you, with humility, listen. And it's amazing when you
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: hear the reproof. I'll tell you before it happens, it
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: will sting. It will hurt because it's often inadvertent. It's
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: called a blind spot. You don't deliberately offend. If you do,
• 34:52
  Speaker 1: you're really sick. But you don't deliberately offend and so
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: you're not aware of it. But you are in need
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: of knowing about it. All the more important that the
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: friend reprove you. He whose ear listens to the life-giving
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: reproof will dwell among the wise.
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: He who neglects Discipline.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: Isn't this an interesting line? Despises himself. But he who
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: listens to reproof acquires.
• 35:32
  Speaker 2: Understanding. Two promises I notice in these verses.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: First, you will dwell among the wise. When you accept reproof,
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: you will ultimately dwell among the wise. Second, you will
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: acquire understanding. When I meet someone who has the quality
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: of understanding, I meet someone who has benefited from the
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: reproof of their parents and their friends. Let this sink in.
• 36:07
  Speaker 1: Let it make an impact on you so that you
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: remember it. Parents who are reluctant to bring needed reproof neglect.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: Doing their job.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: And as a result, your children will grow up not
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: really respecting authority. Again, another characteristic of today's times. They
• 36:40
  Speaker 1: will lack understanding. The same for friends and marital partners
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: and colleagues who hold back.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: Who adopt a piece-at-any-price kind of mentality. You'll live to
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: regret that.
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: And let's face it, some people are just about beyond
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: reproved they have made such a habit of it. I
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: want to go to one verse and kind of analyze
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: it in more detail. Look at 27.6. If you're looking
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: for a verse to memorize, I suggest Proverbs 27.6. I
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: don't know, 40, 50 years ago, I memorized the verse.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: Can't tell you how many times I've called it to
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: mind or shared it.
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: With other people. Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
• 37:28
  Speaker 2: but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy. Look at
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: the verse.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: Just study it with your eyes. Here's a literal translation
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: from the Hebrew language. Trustworthy are the bruises caused by
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: the wounding of one who loves you. Trustworthy are the
• 37:53
  Speaker 1: bruises caused by the wounding of one who loves you.
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: Deceitful is the flattery of the one who hates you.
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: We live in a day of flattery. The political realm
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: is filled with flattery. It's empty. It's stupid. It's hypocritical.
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: The person making the statement doesn't mean what he or
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: she is saying. The person hearing it knows it but
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: acts like he's loving the words when in fact it's
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: a group of enemies working against one another. That's not
• 38:27
  Speaker 1: the way it's meant to be. We're to be bruised
• 38:33
  Speaker 1: by the wounding of one who loves us. Now, unfortunately,
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: the first mental picture is physical bruising. Has nothing to
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: do with brutality.
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: Nothing.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: Brutality is never, never appropriate. Among people who love one another. Ever.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: You don't solve things with your fists. You solve them
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: with your mouth. So the wounding happens when the truth
• 39:01
  Speaker 1: is told. And it leaves you with a bruise. That
• 39:06
  Speaker 1: bruise is trustworthy.
• 39:09
  Speaker 2: Believe me.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: You will not forget it. I can even remember the
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: tone of the voice of my mentor who has reproved me.
• 39:18
  Speaker 1: I remember how he said what he said.
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: Bruised. Trustworthy is the.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: Bruise that lingers from the wounding of one who loves you.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: And then the alternative. Let me point out four things
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: about this verse that you may have missed. Here's the first.
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: The one who reproves should be one who loves you.
• 39:42
  Speaker 1: The one who reproves should be one who loves you.
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: You don't reprove a stranger, as I said earlier. You
• 39:51
  Speaker 1: reprove those you love. Because you see those you love,
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: you know. If you don't know a person well, silence
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: the reproof. It's an offensive thing for you to reprove
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: them if you don't know them. But if you know them,
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: wise is the reprover. So, it should be one who
• 40:15
  Speaker 1: loves us. Second, The bruise that's left lingers long after
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: the wounding is over. The bruise that follows the blow
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: lingers in the heart, in the mind, in the spirit.
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: Matter of fact, there are certain reproofs you'll receive that
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: you'll remember the rest of your life. And that's a
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: good thing. Number three, friendship includes the freedom to confront.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: Friendship includes the freedom to confront. When you say, this
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: person is one of my best friends, there ought to
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: be some times in your relationship when there was reproof shared.
• 40:59
  Speaker 2: It's the mark of a true friendship. It isn't an obligation.
• 41:04
  Speaker 1: You don't become a person's friend so you now can
• 41:07
  Speaker 1: unload the truck on them. As a matter of fact,
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: you will find yourself as a friend still reluctant to
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: say anything. Often we wait too long. We wish we
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: had said something earlier. But friendship is the freedom to confront.
• 41:21
  Speaker 1: It grants you the freedom to say what ought to
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: be said. Maybe not often, but somewhere along the way,
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: good friends help hone, shape, and polish the life of
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: one another. Fourth, words of flattery represent deception, not love.
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: Notice they're called the kisses of an enemy.
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: Don't fall for them. We say in Texas that they
• 41:53
  Speaker 2: blow smoke on us.
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: People who blow smoke on you are deceiving you. It's
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: not a compliment. They don't really think much of you.
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: The flattery is a cover-up. See what it says? Verse
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: 6 of chapter 27. Deceitful are the kisses.
• 42:16
  Speaker 2: Of an enemy.
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: I think we need the right words at the right time.
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: I'll show you a verse on that. Look at Proverbs 25, 11.
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: This is beautiful. If you're an artist, you will love
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: the 11th and 12th verses. There's art all the way
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: through these words.
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: You find it?
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: word spoken in right circumstances. like an earring of gold
• 42:52
  Speaker 1: and an ornament of fine gold, is a wise reprover
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: to a listening ear.
• 43:01
  Speaker 2: See what goes together?
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: Isn't that marvelous?
• 43:05
  Speaker 2: I mean, how colorful is that? It's a work of art.
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: When your reproof is wise, it's well-timed. You sense this
• 43:18
  Speaker 1: is the right moment to say what needs to be said.
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: The carefully chosen word of the reprover, the listening ear
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: of the reproved.
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: It's like apples of gold and settings of silver.
• 43:38
  Speaker 1: May I add a couple of three guidelines before we
• 43:42
  Speaker 1: wind up in Ephesians 6? Number one, it's done in private,
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: never in public. Reproof done in public embarrasses.
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: It offends.
• 43:54
  Speaker 1: Reproof done privately that is appropriate doesn't offend. Number two,
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: it includes words designed to correct, never to condemn.
• 44:06
  Speaker 2: Your goal is to build up the person, not to
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: tear them down. The words you.
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: Say may be strong, may be pointed, But they're designed
• 44:18
  Speaker 1: to build up the individual. I look back over my childhood,
• 44:22
  Speaker 1: and I would run out of time if I would
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: tell you those occasions when a very wise parent in
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: our family would pull one of the three of us
• 44:32
  Speaker 1: kids aside and confront us on something that needs to
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: be addressed. Interesting, I don't remember my mother or dad
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: ever reproving either my brother or my sister.
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: They did it correctly. They did it in private. You misunderstood.
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: Maybe I said it wrong. They did it in private.
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: I don't know that they remember ever my being reproved
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: because they did it in private.
• 44:55
  Speaker 2: They did it right. You know, son, I've noticed that
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: your grades are failing in this area.
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: You're very bright. You're able to do that. I'm not
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: asking you to do all As. I'm just saying you
• 45:06
  Speaker 1: could bring this grade up. I think you're lazy. I
• 45:09
  Speaker 1: notice that you're not doing your homework before you're having fun.
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: So let's say that you start doing your homework first.
• 45:16
  Speaker 1: I can still remember the reproof. At school, I had
• 45:22
  Speaker 1: teachers who cared enough about me to correct something that
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: needed to be addressed. And the third thing I would
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: say is, as I've said earlier, reproofs always come at
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: the right time. They're not ill-timed. You need to make
• 45:38
  Speaker 1: a study of your mate, as if you haven't, husbands
• 45:43
  Speaker 1: and wives. You need to know how your mate is
• 45:46
  Speaker 1: put together. My wife knows when I'm hungry, it's not
• 45:52
  Speaker 1: a good time to bring reproof. When I'm hungry, I
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: want one thing, food. After the food, I'm able to
• 46:03
  Speaker 1: listen a lot better. Until then, I can be a
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: little irritable and closed. Anyway, this sounds like Confessions of
• 46:12
  Speaker 1: a Preacher Day, doesn't it? You just need to know
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: I'm not telling you anything that I haven't experienced.
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: Or needed. I'm the man I am.
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: Today because of the reproofs of faithful friends, mentors, and
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: a family. Now, when you get to Ephesians chapter 6,
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: you see how it all fits together in the parent-child relationship.
• 46:41
  Speaker 2: Doesn't Paul write with logic?
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: Let me show you something if you've not noticed before.
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: You got your pen handy? Here are categories he addresses.
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: Chapter 5, verse 22. Circle the first word.
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: Wives.
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: And for the next number of verses, there's information for
• 46:59
  Speaker 1: the wife. Look at verse 25. Got your pen? Circle husbands.
• 47:05
  Speaker 1: Here's information for the husband. Go to verse 1 of
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: chapter 6.
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: First word.
• 47:11
  Speaker 3: Children, circle that. Verse 4, fathers, circle that. Verse 5, slaves,
• 47:21
  Speaker 3: circle that. Verse 9, masters, circle that. In each one
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: of those, there is a category you can study. No
• 47:31
  Speaker 3: wonder wedding ceremonies are filled with Ephesians 5 and into
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: chapter 6, because it's addressed to husbands and wives. Now,
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: you get to chapter 6, you are dealing with children. Children,
• 47:43
  Speaker 3: listen up. So that means that there were children who
• 47:46
  Speaker 3: read Paul's letters. Some are older children.
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: But if you're still living under the roof of your parents,
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: you're in the category of a child. You're an older child,
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: but you're there under their roof, which means under their authority.
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: So he says, children... Two things. Obey your parents.
• 48:11
  Speaker 1: Verse 2, honor your father and your mother. Do as
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: they say and do it with respect. It's that simple.
• 48:22
  Speaker 2: And the directives are there for anybody to read. Why obey?
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: Why respect?
• 48:28
  Speaker 2: Why honor? Look at the verses.
• 48:31
  Speaker 1: Verse 1 of chapter 6, for this is right. It's
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: what's right. And verse 2 because, or verse 3, because
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: it will be well with you. Your life will be
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: well lived. If you learn obedience and if you respect
• 48:52
  Speaker 1: your parents. Parents talk straight. Parents establish boundaries. Parents stand
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: their ground. Parents speak the truth. Parents confront wrongdoings. Parents
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: also affirm and encourage. Parents are there. They're like a
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: steer in a blizzard. They're there day after day, week
• 49:18
  Speaker 1: after week. year after year.
• 49:21
  Speaker 2: You can count on it.
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: And they're not changing the schedule or the, I should say,
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: they're not changing the standard because times are changing. If
• 49:30
  Speaker 1: it's wrong, it's wrong. If it's wrong in America, it's
• 49:34
  Speaker 1: wrong in Sweden. If it's wrong in South America, it's
• 49:38
  Speaker 1: wrong in Australia.
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: By that I mean wrongdoing, wrong actions. It's not cultural.
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: And so you do what is right, and that is
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: you obey. You respect.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: You meet an obedient child in a home. You're meeting
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: someone who is not seen that often in the neighborhood.
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: You have an obedient child that is one who willingly
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: and graciously understands and responds well. You've got a treasure
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: on your hand.
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: It didn't just happen. You've worked with that child.
• 50:15
  Speaker 1: So obey in the second is to respect or to
• 50:20
  Speaker 1: honor because this is right and because it will result
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: in a life well lived. It will be well with you.
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: See verse three, so that it may be well with you.
• 50:34
  Speaker 1: It's better for you. A significant part of cultivating both
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: of these disciplines is related to the parents' faithful, consistent,
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: and appropriate reproofs. I know it takes a lot of wisdom.
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: I understand.
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: I've broken virtually every rule there is to break, so
• 50:56
  Speaker 1: I understand how that can happen. But thankfully, I have
• 50:59
  Speaker 1: kept some of the rules of good communication in the home.
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: It includes talking straight, not talking down. It means standing
• 51:09
  Speaker 1: your ground, not brutally ending issues with your fists. Standing
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: your ground. It includes establishing boundaries, saying the truth, confronting
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: what is wrong, a wrong attitude, as well as wrong actions,
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: and then rewarding good behavior with affirmation.
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: Question? Do you obey your parents? Do you respect them?
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: Are they still living? Do they know that you honor them?
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: How valuable that is and how good for you to
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: be like that. Now, dads, verse 4, and we're through. Fathers,
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: do not provoke your children to anger. Every dad here
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: knows what that means. We've all done it. Fathers can nag,
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: become overbearing, can exasperate, preach, harass, and even mistreat.
• 52:20
  Speaker 2: Dads are bad about that. Dads, don't provoke your children.
• 52:26
  Speaker 2: It only makes them angry.
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: And I've never really found a listening ear in an
• 52:31
  Speaker 1: angry soul. So when you make them angry, they're not learning.
• 52:37
  Speaker 1: So don't make them angry by exasperating them or provoking.
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: Then what do I do? Look at the positive.
• 52:43
  Speaker 1: But bring them up in the discipline and instruction of
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: the Lord. See the words bring them up? Look down
• 52:52
  Speaker 1: at verse 29. No one ever hated his own flesh,
• 52:55
  Speaker 1: but nourishes it. Same Greek word. So let's use it
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: up there at verse 4. Fathers, do not exasperate your
• 53:03
  Speaker 1: children to anger, but nourish them. in the discipline and
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: instruction of the Lord.
• 53:12
  Speaker 2: How great is that? So a few quick guidelines, and
• 53:16
  Speaker 2: it'll help all of us.
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: Number one, think and pray before you say anything.
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: Think and pray before you say anything.
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: No knee-jerk reaction, no outburst. Think and pray before you
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: say anything. Before Clemmie wrote her letter, I am sure
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: she gave serious thought, perhaps even prayer, to what she
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: would say to Winston. Now you might wonder, how'd things
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: turn out? They must have had a miserable marriage. As
• 53:47
  Speaker 1: a matter of fact, they didn't. Years passed, and Winston
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: was asked late in life, if you were to die
• 53:54
  Speaker 1: and come back as someone else, who would that other
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: person be? He said, I would be Mrs. Churchill's second husband.
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: I love that answer.
• 54:06
  Speaker 2: They had a great relationship.
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: Think and pray before you say anything. Number two, there's
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: no need to share the reproof with anyone else.
• 54:19
  Speaker 2: Okay?
• 54:20
  Speaker 1: So don't run to your Bible study on Monday and
• 54:23
  Speaker 1: tell them about the reproof you unloaded on your husband
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: on Sunday. It's none of their business. Furthermore, it shows
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: disrespect for your husband. The reproof is a part of
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: a marriage that helps the bond to get even stronger
• 54:40
  Speaker 1: when it's done right.
• 54:41
  Speaker 2: So don't be sharing that indiscriminately. Keep it confidential. Third,
• 54:48
  Speaker 2: as the.
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: Changes occur, affirm, affirm, affirm. I notice, by the way,
• 54:56
  Speaker 1: you're a little more patient than you used to be.
• 54:58
  Speaker 2: That's nice to see that. Hint, hint.
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: Or you may hear your partner say, you know what?
• 55:08
  Speaker 1: I appreciate the way you speak to the children now.
• 55:10
  Speaker 1: Remember when I talked to you about always being angry?
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: I notice you're not always angry now. And I want
• 55:17
  Speaker 1: to commend you for that. I want to affirm you.
• 55:22
  Speaker 1: As change occurs, be sure and affirm.
• 55:27
  Speaker 2: The benefits....
• 55:30
  Speaker 1: The one being reproved will know how much you love them.
• 55:35
  Speaker 1: They'll ultimately say to you, thanks for caring. Thanks for
• 55:38
  Speaker 1: pointing that out. That'll really help me. Secondly, your reproof
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: will cause the person's respect for you to increase. And
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: number three, the reproof will result in lasting benefits to
• 55:54
  Speaker 1: the one who listens and learns and changes.
• 55:58
  Speaker 2: You know the greatest reproof that was ever given? God
• 56:02
  Speaker 2: gave it. It's a reproof regarding your living your life
• 56:06
  Speaker 2: without his son, Jesus.
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: He said to us, he who has the son has
• 56:12
  Speaker 1: the life. But let me reprove you with this. You
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: who do not have the son do not have the life.
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: You either know Christ or you don't.
• 56:22
  Speaker 2: And if you don't, let me confront this. You're lost.
• 56:29
  Speaker 1: And there's no hope for you beyond the grave. You've
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: got to deal with this. It's called salvation. Trusting in Christ.
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: Let's bow our heads. There's never been a time in
• 56:42
  Speaker 2: your life when you have trusted in the Savior.
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: This is the moment. You don't have to clean your
• 56:49
  Speaker 1: life up. You don't have to give up this sin
• 56:51
  Speaker 1: or that one. You don't have to get victory over
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: all the things that have defeated you. God will take
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: care of that. There's no list that you've got to
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: prove yourself faithful to. What you do need to know
• 57:03
  Speaker 1: is the Son of God because knowing Him will give
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: you life.
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: And life eternal. I invite you to trust Him now.
• 57:14
  Speaker 2: Right now.
• 57:16
  Speaker 1: And by the way, if you have a partner in
• 57:18
  Speaker 1: life or a friend or a parent who has faithfully
• 57:23
  Speaker 1: reproved you from time to time, wouldn't it be great
• 57:26
  Speaker 1: for you to say to them sometime today, thank you
• 57:31
  Speaker 1: for caring enough to tell me the truth. Our Father,
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: we do thank you for your reproofs which come at
• 57:39
  Speaker 1: just the right time, always for the right reason, and
• 57:44
  Speaker 1: in ways that are never forgotten. Thank you for putting
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: up with us. Thank you for knowing all of these
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: things about us and loving us right on through them.
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: Give us ears to hear you. Give us hearts that
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: are sensitive. Give us a sense of openness that you
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: might be speaking through the lips of another as you're
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: getting our attention about something that needs to be addressed.
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: And may the result be harmony returning to a home,
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: the removal of threats and ugly, caustic comments so that
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: the ones who live under that roof.
• 58:25
  Speaker 2: Know how much we value them.
• 58:28
  Speaker 1: Finally, I pray that you will give those of us
• 58:30
  Speaker 1: who have this unhappy and often difficult responsibility to have
• 58:36
  Speaker 1: the courage to say what ought to be said. May
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: we do so wisely and well.
• 58:44
  Speaker 2: Guide us, great Jehovah.
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: We're pilgrims in a barren land. We are weak, but
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: you are mighty. Hold us with your powerful hand. Bread
• 58:58
  Speaker 1: of heaven, feed us till we want no more. Dismiss
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: us now, our Father, with these words ringing in our
• 59:06
  Speaker 1: ears as we walk with you this day.
• 59:10
  Speaker 2: And the days that follow. In Jesus' name, everyone said, Amen.
• 59:18
  Speaker 4: The preceding message, Accepting Reproof from Those Who Love Us,
• 59:22
  Speaker 4: was copyrighted in 2012, and the sound recording was copyrighted
• 59:25
  Speaker 4: in 2017 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights are
• 59:30
  Speaker 4: reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for commercial use is
• 59:35
  Speaker 4: strictly prohibited.