Latest / Good Morning From The Chicken Coop! / Season 3 - Episode 179 - The lesson in Disappointments

Transcript

Season 3 - Episode 179 - The lesson in Disappointments · Good Morning From The Chicken Coop!

• 0:01
  Welcome to the Good Morning from the Chicken Coop podcast with
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  Kim Johnson, your creative strategist and mastermind set
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  coach. Filled with inspiration,
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  distinctions, perspectives, and possibilities, we help you to
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  cultivate a mindset that leads you to create the best version
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  of yourself you could ever imagine.
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  Join Kim every morning from one of her favorite happy places,
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  her chicken coop, along with all her chickens.
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  Hey everybody, good morning from the chicken coop.
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  Today we're talking about disappointments.
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  Oh God, disappointments. How many times do you think you
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  use that word in a day, in a week, in a month, in a year?
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  Because it all happens we we find ourselves in a state of
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  saying well or thinking we're disappointed.
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  It was one of the things that I grew up with.
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  My mother used to use that word a lot, especially when I would
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  get in trouble for talking too much in class and she'd say, I'm
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  disappointed you're not paying attention.
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  Wasn't that I wasn't paying attention.
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  I just had lots of questions. But disappointed was a word.
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  And I, I think there's a huge lesson in understanding
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  disappointments when we are disappointed in ourselves, in
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  others, in all, you know, the world, so to speak, We often
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  have expectations that we're putting out there.
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  And these expectations have attachments to them.
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  And attachment really is the biggest struggle that we have.
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  When we get attached to something and we have this deep
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  need to have something take place in order that we avoid
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  that disappointment, we set ourselves up for failure.
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  Because again, looking outside of yourself for things is the
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  path to disappointment. Or my husband likes to use it in
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  a different way. He'll say the road to
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  disappointment is paved with missed expectations.
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  And I couldn't agree more. That town of disappointment is
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  such a a big town. And when we really think about
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  it and how much time we spend headed there, we say, gosh, this
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  is because I expected something that I shouldn't have expected.
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  And managing expectations of yourself and recognizing where
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  you put those expectations on yourself is important.
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  But it's really about where you put them on other people.
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  I put expectations on myself and I'm OK with that.
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  But I'm, I'm not going to beat myself up either because that's
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  not a way I don't, I don't subscribe to, you know, the
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  beatings will continue until morale improves.
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  The problem we have is when we put those expectations on other
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  people who have no business making them.
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  They, they, we can't force people to do it.
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  We can't sit there and say to someone else, I have large
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  expectations of you. And if you don't do what I tell
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  you to do, I will be disappointed with you.
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  And then I carry that disappointment around.
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  And parents are really good at doing this with their kids.
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  I can't tell you how many times in my life I heard that.
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  But that's not a way to lead and it's not always a good thing to
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  put on a child because then the child understands that they have
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  to live to make other people happy.
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  And that's not what we want. We don't want to make other
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  people feel like their their role is your just to make
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  another person happy. And this your role is to focus
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  on yourself and choose to be happy no matter what is going on
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  around you. I've said that before.
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  I think I said it yesterday, but our big focus in this is really
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  acknowledging that we are not going to put disappointment out
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  there so quickly. Instead of having that when
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  disappointment shows up, you have to ask yourself, what is
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  this trying to teach me? Because it will show up and it's
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  here to give you some information.
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  So if I'm disappointed in something, like for instance, I
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  was completely disappointed in a big portion of my garden this
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  year, it was trying to teach me something.
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  It was trying to teach me that I really need to pay attention to
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  the types of seeds that I buy because I live in a space where
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  it is hot. It, it is like hell hot here.
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  And some of the seeds that I chose, even though they were
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  awesome and wonderful and sound so exciting, they were not ideal
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  for growing where I live. They were just not ideal.
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  So I needed to make a better choice.
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  If I had made better choices, they would have been absolutely
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  able to thrive. But I didn't make better
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  choices. So rather than being just in a
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  state of disappointment and not doing anything about it, I have
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  to recognize I need to make better choices.
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  When I make better choices, I'll have better outcomes.
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  And I can immediately shift my mindset in that moment when I
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  can get excited and say, OK, now I get it.
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  I can shift this. I don't have to be upset about
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  this easily. I can write down all my lessons.
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  And let me tell you, I do. Pulled out a notebook, wrote
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  down. Here's what worked.
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  Here's what could have been better.
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  Here's how I can close the gap. All the right.
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  From my flower garden as well. You know, lots of flowers that
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  didn't do well. Disappointed.
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  Yes. Whose fault was it?
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  It was my fault. Wasn't the seeds fault, wasn't
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  the weather's fault. I could complain and say, yeah,
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  we had 21 days straight of rain, things drowned.
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  OK, Nothing was going to help with that, but I'm not going to
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  be mad at Mother Nature. I'm not going to walk around and
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  and be completely disappointed with Mother Nature over it.
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  That's useless. That's not going to help me get
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  anywhere. So watch the language around
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  disappointment, look at what's disappointing you, make
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  decisions about it and don't allow it to rule your world and
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  make those choices to put it aside and say, I refuse to keep
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  driving to the town of disappointment every day with my
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  missed expectations that I put out there in the world because
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  it's foolish and it doesn't help me.
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  So shift that in yourself and watch yourself go to a whole new
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  level of peace. I hope you guys have a blessed
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  day and I will see you tomorrow. Bye.