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Diva Mia: Rediscovering Your True Purpose in Life · The Diva Details

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Welcome to the Diva Details. Welcome to the Diva Details.
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Where bold, confident women embrace life unapologetically.
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From love and sex to wellness and reinvention. We keep it raw, real and powerful.
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No filters, no limits. Just fearless conversations to help you thrive.
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Let's dive in with Diva Mia and Diva Cat.
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Well, hello, this is Deva Mia, and today we're going to kind of talk a little
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bit about finding your purpose after you go through a shift.
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And the shift can be many things. It can be a shift because you got divorced.
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It can be a shift because you had a death of a spouse, or even your children
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went away to college and you're now an empty nester.
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Sometimes the shift happens when you lose your job or you change careers or
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maybe you're just getting ready to retire.
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Shifts can happen, but when that happens, one of the things that keeps us going
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is a purpose and humans truly do need a purpose.
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Whether you're a man or a woman, I think without a purpose you may feel lost,
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or you don't really have a lot of feeling that your life has meaning.
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So making sure that you have a purpose is important.
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Sometimes we may feel like, especially after a divorce, that we're broken and
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that we're lost, or maybe you change jobs and you're completely lost and you don't know what to do.
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It's really important at this point to realize you're not broken.
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You're becoming exactly who you want to be, but you've got to look for the signs.
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I recommend at this stage, you just start writing everything down.
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Start figuring out what aligns with you. When you align with what your purpose is, it'll feel natural.
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It will feel like you have everything going for you, and it'll feel easy.
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I'm not saying that finding your purpose, the work that has to happen is easy,
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but it's going to feel easier, and it shouldn't feel like a struggle because
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you know you're on the right path when it's easier.
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So personally, I've gone through
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many shifts in my life and I've had to rediscover myself a few times.
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One of the things I do is whenever I feel lost or feel like I've lost my purpose is I embrace change.
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Change is so important because when you're finding a new purpose in life,
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it's going to be different than your old purpose and it's going to be uncomfortable.
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Terrible and sometimes it's going to
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make you scared give you a little bit of anxiety and
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you may even struggle with it a little bit finding the
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purpose is such an important part and i think sometimes we beat ourselves up
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when we don't exactly know what our purpose is and we struggle for too long
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or maybe we're just close and we can almost taste it we're almost right there where our purposes,
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but we haven't really figured out the details yet.
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That's kind of the time to just sit back and observe and maybe to journal as
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to what is making you happy.
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I really do feel like your purpose in life should make you happy.
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Life is a magical thing, but it's also very short.
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And when you spend it doing things you don't enjoy, you won't have a purpose.
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And when you don't have a purpose, you're not very happy in life.
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We've lived roles as wives, as mothers.
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So when you get divorced or your children go off to school, you have to change and shift.
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And you have to say, who am I now?
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And what is my purpose? And what am I working for? This happens a lot when children
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go away and you become an empty nester.
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Your purpose up until then, maybe you were a stay-at-home mom,
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or you were working but still taking on a big chunk of the mom roles,
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and now your kids are gone, and it's going to be quiet at home.
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It happens too when you get divorced or you lose a spouse.
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Widowhood is tough, and the quiet is kind of where you actually need to be.
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Now, I'm a big fan of playing loud music and dancing around in my house by myself,
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but sometimes just listening to the silence and meditating and being still is
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exactly what you need to find your purpose.
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And purpose changes. I think sometimes we believe that our purpose is singular,
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that we only have one purpose, and once it's gone, oh my gosh, what do we do now?
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But purpose evolves with different seasons of life.
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It may be that your purpose was taking care of the kids, and now your purpose
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is you want to start a business.
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It's never too late. And then maybe your purpose is you want to travel for a
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while or take care of your health.
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You just need to find out what your current purpose is, and it doesn't have to be groundbreaking.
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It can just be something that you want to evolve into. Maybe your purpose is
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to write children's books.
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Maybe your purpose is to start a new company that you can pass on to your children.
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Whatever your purpose is going to be, you get to decide.
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And I know sometimes your identity may feel like it got shattered by having
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all these changes occur in your life, but it does really create room for you
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to be authentically you.
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You get to rebuild exactly who you are. I have gone through a divorce myself
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and I will say coming out of the divorce I was a little broken.
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But over time I mean even six months out I felt like I had a new purpose,
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the biggest thing is I lost my purpose because I think I was women a lot of
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times we wrap our purpose up in our husbands and don't get me wrong men wrap
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their purpose up in their wives as well But I think we tend to want to take care of everyone.
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And when that happens and that purpose is no longer there, you might feel lost.
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And maybe it's a good time to be lost and just shift into something that makes you happier.
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There's no big or public serving purpose that you have to do.
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This is completely personal.
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You don't have to donate to charities. You don't have to be Mother Teresa.
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You don't have to start a huge company.
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It could be something as small as starting a neighborhood group.
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It could be something as small as starting a mom-and-pop shop for a business.
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Whatever works for you is right, and you'll know because it flows.
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It's not lost, okay? So when you lose your purpose, it's not really lost.
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It's just kind of redirected.
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You're going to reintroduce yourself to you and to what you want.
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And maybe it's just a different stage in your life and you get to find a new purpose.
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So the first things I wanted to talk about, though, is work.
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Work, it's not just income. So a lot of times when we go through a divorce or,
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you know, our kids are off to school,
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or we change careers, we are looking into a new purpose.
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And work's not just an income. We identify who we are from our work.
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If you've ever gone to a party and you say, what do you do?
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That's one of the first questions people ask, because that's part of your identity. Oh, I'm an attorney.
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Oh, I'm a computer scientist. Oh, I'm an engineer.
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Oh, whatever it is, that's part of your identity.
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When you shift to something else can be very scary.
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Now I've known people that have been in a field for 20-30 years and they're
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miserable. They hate it. They've been doing the same job.
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Trying to get them to move to a new career to find a new purpose is very difficult
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because most people don't want to change that much, even though they're miserable.
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So sometimes it's a blessing when bad things happen, like they lose a job,
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because then they get a shift into something they really enjoy,
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something that fulfills them, something that makes them happy.
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You may have new career dreams in this new field. You may have the ability to start a new business.
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It's up to you, whatever you want to do, but you need to make sure you define it for you.
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And I think as women, sometimes we allow other people too much to define how
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we're going to behave and what purpose we're going to have.
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So a lot of people will pivot careers and change careers post-divorce. It just happens.
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And sometimes when we change careers, we hold on to the old one a little bit too long.
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We think we need to stay in the old one because it's...
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Producing income, but sometimes if you let it go, you can jump into the new
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one faster and get that up and running as well.
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Entrepreneurship I love. I have been an entrepreneur since 1999,
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so I've been consulting and working on my own since then, and I'm a big fan
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of building businesses.
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So if you can build your own business and do something that contributes to humanity,
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I love that because then And you're actually serving not just yourself,
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you're also serving other people.
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You could also go into consulting or mentorship.
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A lot of women have a lot of experience when they come out of divorce.
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So some of them write books.
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Some of them volunteer and help other women that have gone through trauma in
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their marriages or abuse.
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Sometimes you'll volunteer for the less fortunate or maybe even go back to school.
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And it doesn't really matter what age you are. People have graduated school in their 80s and 90s.
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So if you want to go back to school to get a degree in something,
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think about it. We may live to 100 plus.
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We very well may. And we may be able to keep our wits about us to 100, 125 years old.
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Things are changing in modern medicine with the advances of AI are going to
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really advance what we can do on an individual basis.
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And that's probably a good thing
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since, you know, the birth rate is decreasing at such a dramatic rate.
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So we are going to live longer. We're going to be able to do more.
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So if you think that you're 50 years old and it's too late, you're just getting
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started. I met a woman that was 69 or 73, and at 69, she started bodybuilding.
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So she didn't start bodybuilding until 69, and now she's 73.
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And she created a new purpose for herself. And now she's also a social media influencer.
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She makes money on products. She travels around. She goes on cruises.
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She has a wonderful life, and she's very happy. You can just tell by talking
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to her. She's very happy. So find your purpose.
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It doesn't matter what age you're at. You could start a new business at 70.
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You could go into a new field at 70.
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It doesn't matter. Just imagine yourself living to 125 and having all your wits about you.
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What would you want to do for, if you're 50 years old, what are you going to
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want to do for the next 75 years?
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And that's the other thing. I know a lot of people find their purpose in partners.
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Well, after you come out of divorce or death of a spouse, when you go into another
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relationship, don't settle, ladies.
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Don't go with someone that doesn't complete you.
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And when I say settle, make sure that most, if not all of your boxes are checked,
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just because you might end up spending 50 to 75 years with your next one.
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So make sure they're a great partner.
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And that's a great partner for you. And most of you have children that have
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gone off to school or will be going off to school.
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So it's so important to make sure that partner matches is you not matching your children.
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Once your kids go off to school, your parenting doesn't actually end.
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And I think a lot of people, they freak out.
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Oh, they cry. They're like, oh, my parenting is over. My children are gone.
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But actually, it transforms.
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And remember, you may have grandchildren in five to ten years.
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So it's just a little bit different. You're going to be more of a guide instead
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of a day-to-day task manager.
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Guiding and consulting whenever they need you. You're not going to be functioning
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day to day in their lives, but you're still going to be needed.
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And it will evolve eventually into grandmotherhood, or you could even foster if you wanted to.
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But it's up to you. But you might be a caregiver in different ways in the future.
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So just remember that just because they're gone doesn't mean they're forever
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gone. They're just temporarily out of your life, but you're still needed.
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And then make sure to align yourself. So I really enjoy journaling.
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I think journaling is so amazing when you're going through a transition.
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If you can write down your daily issues, if you can put them on paper,
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even if you don't go back and read them.
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I used to think I had to go back and read my journals in order to make them
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legitimate, but you don't. what happens when you write things down in paper,
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you get it out of your mind.
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And your mind releases that anxiety and stress around what you're got bouncing around in your head.
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And the other thing that happens is that when you write it down,
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it kind of feels like it has less power over you.
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And you have more control over it. And you can kind of,
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brainstorm when you write it down. So journaling is just one of the most important
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things you can do anytime you're transitioning.
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And if you make the habit of journaling for the rest of your life,
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it might even help you just grow as a person on a day-to-day basis.
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The other thing I like to do is get still and meditate in a quiet location.
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And if you can make a little Zen garden or a little area that's peaceful.
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You can have the birds chirping, maybe some water flowing, and just mellow out and relax and feel.
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You can do it inside, you can do it outside, and just feel how still and how
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quiet and how wonderful that is.
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What you'll find is that when you do this, life will be so much calmer.
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You'll feel like you're more in control. and meditation is just really good for the brain.
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It will make you feel like you are on the right path and it may actually point
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you to the right path. So I highly recommend journaling and meditation.
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Then try to work through your healing, okay?
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So yes, you need to find a new purpose, but sometimes you need to heal old wounds
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in order to find that new purpose.
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You may have past traumas or shame or guilt from things that happened in the
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past. you got to heal that.
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And once you heal it, it may allow you to more clearly focus on your purpose.
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Because until you heal that stuff,
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a lot of times you'll be stuck in the past and your focus will be going towards the past.
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It won't be going towards the present and what you wanna move on to.
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Then ask yourself a few questions, like what makes you happy?
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What really, really makes you happy? What lights you up? What do you enjoy most?
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And then you can always say, what do others expect of me? But what do I expect most of myself?
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And what do I want for myself? And if I were to look back, let's say 20 years
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from now, and I was no longer on this planet, and I'm looking down from heaven
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because I'm going to heaven.
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And I look down and I say, wow, that girl at 52 years old really transitioned
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into her purpose and made something of herself.
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Or maybe I'm 150 because I'm planning on living to 150.
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So at 150, I'm looking back and say, wow, what an amazing life.
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At 150, I look down from heaven and I say, wow, I really did embrace my purpose. What would it be?
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And that's for you to answer.
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So you get to answer exactly what brings you joy, what makes you happy,
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what's creative for you, and there's no obligation to serve anyone else but yourself.
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And that's one of the best things that happens kind of when we hit rock bottom
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in a transitionary timeframe because a lot of times transitions happen and we
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feel like we're hitting rock bottom.
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You get to only look up from there. So find something that you're gonna really
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aspire to that lights you up. If it lights you up, you know you're on the right side.
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And you don't have to do it all at once. That's one of the big things that people don't realize.
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When you are transitioning, you need to start small.
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Take a class. Make a friend.
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Go do something different. Do something that's out of your comfort zone,
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but you don't have to do a ton of it.
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You just have to start moving one step in front of the other and get out there.
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That's how you succeed, is you succeed by getting out there.
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You succeed by making the decision to move one foot in front of the other and take action.
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Don't just, you know, create a vision board. You can create a vision board, though.
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That will help. But don't create a vision board and never take action on the things you want.
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You should have career goals if you're doing a vision board.
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You should have family intentions, health, what makes you happy,
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things you want to buy. all those things go on your vision board.
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And maybe it's a new relationship in the future.
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Well, maybe put something on there of kind of what you're looking for.
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But that vision board, you should be reading every single day,
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as well as writing down what you want, as if it's in the present tense.
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If you read the law of attraction or the secret, the idea of writing down what
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you want in the present tense and then visualizing it, that helps as well.
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Because then your mind is getting comfortable with that future vision of you,
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and you'll evolve into it.
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And I think one of the things I really like is shifting your paradigm.
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So you can't shift your paradigm unless you make drastic changes in a direction.
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And in order to do so, you have to make small steps first.
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You make the small steps, and they turn into major your steps over a long period of time.
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And it's like a daily habits. They all shift. All your habits will shift as
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you start making small steps.
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It's a new rhythm in your life, basically. Every day you'll wake up,
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you'll do like five things you didn't do the day before.
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And then the next day you'll do those five things and maybe you add one more.
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Or maybe you add one more every week or one more once a month.
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It depends on what it is. But you keep moving in the right direction.
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You're not starting over. When you're looking for your purpose,
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you are just connecting with your soul and finding exactly what you need and
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exactly what you're desiring.
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It's kind of like a rite of passage. Anybody that's ever succeeded in life,
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they realize they got to go through some of the pain,
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in order to find the true pleasure that they want in life. And nobody really
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gets anywhere without going through the toughness of it.
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And it is tough. Change is tough.
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Doing new things is so tough. But when you get there, you'll be so happy.
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And the journey, you're going to look back and enjoy the journey.
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That's the best part. Because the journey, you've got to enjoy it along the way.
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And make sure you also surround yourself during this time frame with really good people.
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I have an energy healer that keeps telling me that when you're going through
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a tough transitionary time frame, you should only have three to five people in your cocoon.
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Think of yourself as like a chrysalis, a butterfly that's, you know,
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it's a caterpillar that formed the chrysalis. And now, when it's in that stage,
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because it's a transitory stage, you're fragile.
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You don't want people that are going to hammer on you when you're fragile.
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You want people that are going to support you, that are going to help you,
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and that will encourage you.
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Not somebody that's going to come and start banging on your chrysalis, if you will.
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So you're going to evolve into a beautiful butterfly, but you're going to have
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to go through some transitions.
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And in order to do so, you want people that will leave you alone when you need
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it, but be there to support you when you don't.
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They'll be there to help you along the way. So just remember that.
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That is one of the best things that happens when you have friends.
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And you're going to find friends that maybe they were great during the good
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times, but they're terrible when you're down and out.
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And maybe it's time to walk away from some of them. It may be time to get a
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whole new friends group when you're leveling up, because this is a level up, finding your purpose.
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You're going to level up into a new area.
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So maybe it's time to finally look and find new friends. And those friends may
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be in the same circle they may not be. And it's okay.
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But surrounding yourself with the right friends is so very important.
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Your purpose, you will find, is core, just like it is to your identity.
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And once you find your true purpose, you'll have joy every day.
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You'll wake up. Heck, sometimes you may not even go to sleep because you have so much joy.
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And no one should lead you astray. And your purpose doesn't have to pay you
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a lot of money. It could pay you nothing as long as you're happy.
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And as long as you have the ability to support yourself, obviously.
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But your purpose should be there to light your fire every single day.
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And to bring you tons of joy.
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The more purpose you have, the more joy you have, the better your life is going
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to be. and the happier your life is going to be.
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There's no reason to go through life suffering for someone else that doesn't
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enjoy or appreciate you.
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Go find your purpose and own it.
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And then once you own your purpose, you are more self-assured in life,
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and you tend to be happier in life too.
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I think you will find long-term, finding your purpose is the most important
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thing you do in a transitionary time frame.
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And then you can build upon your purpose and set goals and action steps,
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etc., and expand upon your purpose.
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So I hope this session was beneficial to you today. I hope that you got something out of it.
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I wish you all the best in your journey and your transition and that you will
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find new things to give you purpose and happiness and joy every single day.
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This is Diva Mia signing off. Have a wonderful day.
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