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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just-What defines a 'real' friend according to these teachings? 5.7.26 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

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  470-7476 going to 77, that the idea is that he's telling us one
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  of the areas to be most careful about is who you should choose
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  as your friend and not in a way that you say you know how to
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  choose friends to make sure they're not mean people, tough
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  people, strong people, all that. It should be your supporters,
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  which is what we think. And this area is telling you
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  make sure to choose friends who are not flutters, those who do
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  not as used the word yesterday, do not provide that poison
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  because there's no greater poison out there for a person's
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  mind and their heart and those around them And tell them you go
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  for it, you're doing good, you keep going.
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  That's a flatter and that's dangerous.
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  So in these words, on 477 is the end of la da, what's best for a
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  person. Ella Shiva keshlow, kaverin
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  Tamim, he choose for himself real, whole, complete friends,
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  chiaito Ena, those who are going to light up his eyes, the ma
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  Chui verbo where he can't see. And that's a big idea.
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  You want friends instead of being flatterers, they just
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  compound the problem because a flatterer just leads you along
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  to be more of yourself. That's the doing essence of
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  flattery. Whether it's a bad thing or a
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  good thing in general, it's someone telling you you're doing
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  well. Which means they lead me on to
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  be more of myself. They don't give me any knowledge
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  and clarity of other ways of doing more, of changing my ways
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  of seeing more. A flat error just compounds what
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  I am. Whereas your friends should be
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  someone who opens up your eyes. Whereas open up your eyes means
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  allows you to become aware of more.
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  Like we said earlier, the biggest problem with flat error,
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  people who have flat error is that they have 0 self-awareness
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  because they just are perfectly comfortable in that position
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  because others of the time and they're fine and they have no
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  awareness of other ways or of more to grow or more to become.
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  They have no knowledge of it because nobody ever told them
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  there's more to go. The best friend you can have is
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  the one that opens up your eyes. You're who and they actually
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  rebuke you with love through their love.
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  Then Sue Matsilimo told me Quran.
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  And through this process, the opposite of what we would enjoy
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  is what we would like. You would enjoy feeling good all
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  day long and having people telling us you did great.
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  Yeah. What's best for us is those who
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  clarify, those who open up our eyes, those who tell us that
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  there's more, those who inform us when we're making a mistake.
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  This is best for us because with a person who cannot see, we're
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  not inclined to see our thoughts.
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  Even if we're tough on ourselves.
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  We don't want to feel weak, we don't want to feel bad, we don't
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  want to feel like we're failing, and therefore we do not want to
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  see our faults. That's the position of a good
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  friend. Delicate, difficult, hard to
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  apply, but it's very important. A good friend is best for you
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  not because they confirm and they double down on your current
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  existence. That's not any.
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  That's no addition. Confidence is great because
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  confidence empowers. Confidence allows you to keep
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  going in your way. But you know what's better?
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  In a certain sense, this sense of clarity you need to remain
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  confident, but this clarity that your friend can give you, this
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  knowledge of there being more out there, of there being more
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  to you, more to be able to grow. This realization that I am nice,
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  but I'm not nice enough. I'm generous, but not generous
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  enough. I'm learning.
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  We're not learning enough. I'm praying, we're not praying
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  enough. This realization that there's
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  more to go is the best thing for all of us.
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  As long as the person doesn't translate as being being down,
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  you being down, you can't function.
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  But so long as you have the confidence to move on and then
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  you have the awareness of how to move on, of how to grow and
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  where to apply it, there's nothing better really.
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  We said this before, it's a reality.
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  That's why people are blessed with spouses and it's so
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  important because a spouse has the ability, of course, a good
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  spouse and with the right healthy balance has the ability
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  to lead a husband on or lead a wife on in a manner that says,
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  you know what, don't do that. I'm going to call back someone,
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  someone to bash them. They're wrong, they're terrible.
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  I understand that they're wrong, but you're not perfectly right
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  either. And you're not really handling
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  this correct. And at first, it's very hard to
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  hear everything that's difficult to hear or a lot of things that
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  are difficult to hear also often best for you.
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  It's the best thing for you to realize.
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  You should not be doubling down on that fight.
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  You should not be doubling down on that way of life.
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  You shouldn't be continuing the schedule.
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  All these things that our spouses tell us that I felt like
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  they're hard to hear, they're also empowering in the real
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  sense of empowering because they allow us to have a broader,
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  bigger, more going on in our life because they're opening up
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  our lives. And the idea is that with
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  ourselves alone, people who live alone, people who think alone
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  end up remaining the same, What's going to make them
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  change? Have a person that thinks alone.
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  He doesn't really listen to other people.
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  He's never interested in Mossad, doesn't want to hear from a
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  rabbi, doesn't want to hear from his wife, doesn't hear from his
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  parents. Nobody talks to him.
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  That person will remain the exact same person, just a change
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  in the years and the change and maybe his character in a, you
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  know, a bad way. He's going to remain the same
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  setting because he lives with the exact same mindset.
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  Nothing has told him that there's more out there.
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  No friends, no wife, no children, no parents, no one or
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  no coworkers. He doesn't let them in and he is
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  the person, not literally single, but he doesn't live
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  single. But he has a single mind, which
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  means he believes that he's on top and he doesn't hear a thing
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  from anybody else. He's not a Shomaya.
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  He remains the exact same person.
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  It's a beauty to being a listener God, even if.
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  If you wanted to be a good friend, it takes it takes, first
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  of all, it takes you to know how deliver your words in a loved
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  way. And it takes the friend to not
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  be someone who you walk in my egg shells with so sensitive
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  that you're going to break them with your words.
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  And it's a combination of two. Absolutely.
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  That's why he over here is talking to the to the center of
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  the room, the man who we're talking about.
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  Have those friends. In other words, open up your
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  ears, let them talk. Listen to them.
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  Doesn't mean have friends. A lot of people are very, very
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  popular, have a lot of friends and they get nothing out of it.
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  Have friends means open up yourself to being OK, to be
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  rebuked, to be told off, to be told to make a mistake.
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  Allow yourself to listen. More important than the friends
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  is the medal of being a Shamaya. Being a listener is everything
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  in this topic. You're absolutely right.
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  When the person when a person establishes that you can't
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  insult me, it's going to get me upset.
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  You can't say the wrong thing to me, you're going to take me off.
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  Once someone establishes that you know what they do, they
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  create in the world. They create a world that they'll
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  never be told any truth and they can go years without being told
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  the truth. All because they made themselves
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  inapproachable, unapproachable, right?
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  Someone beyond reproach, someone who cannot be approached to,
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  someone who cannot be spoken to. They're very popular.
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  They have a lot of people that love them, a lot of people
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  around them. They're great people, great, all
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  beautiful. All they had to do was remove
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  that sense, remove that, that availability, that
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  vulnerability, the willingness to hear.
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  There's a small tweak in their system.
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  You say something to me that's wrong.
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  Gets me upset. Now people know not to say it.
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  Once people don't say it, our eyes are closed or we don't see
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  or hear a single thing. And we can live alone on the
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  island for years and years and years, never knowing we're
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  making a single mistake. It's a scary thought, but it's a
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  reality. We're so better off if we allow
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  others to comment, if we don't jump at them when they say
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  something, we don't yell when they say isn't.
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  It doesn't feel good if we don't get sad when they say something
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  that's that's a downer. If we just figure out a way how
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  to, you know, take the pill and move on if you can, golden if
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  you cannot, Steady, stagnant, remain the same, stale, no
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  change. Same guy, same good guy, same
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  good heart, same grade ability and potential and coax.
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  The difference is whether he unclogged his ears.
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  That's it. The whole game.
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  And how does he do so? By allowing people to talk.
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  That's it. But if the person doesn't give
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  other people a chance to talk, he jumps at them, he yells at
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  them, he shows a sour face, he walks away.
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  He's in a bad mood now. He make doesn't talk to them for
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  a few days after they do this. All these moves are his own
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  wiring. It's a tactic.
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  It's a sketch. It's a tactic to remain the
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  same. It's a feeling that says most
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  important to me is my feeling warm and fuzzy and good about
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  myself and the process cutting out the rest of the rules of any
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  reality. And what I do is I continue to
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  relive my life in a fake, simple, remain the same sort of
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  way without the coop and the ability and the strength of
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  other people. The greatest thing you can have
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  is an army behind you, guiding you, helping you, supporting
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  you're giving ideas. Nothing better than that.
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  It sounds like the the whole book is like about your own
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  Anavar, your own personal humility and the end he's
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  saying, but if you have a bad friend, he's going to destroy
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  that. So so.
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  He's gonna, he's gonna take away everything.
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  You won't even know where your where your falls are.
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  You will never know a guy that's got a lot of good friends, very
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  popular person, very well liked, but he has a side to him.
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  They can get angry, just that he has a side that can get sad.
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  He has a side that can go off the rills.
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  Anybody who gives themselves a certain persona or gives off a
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  certain air of don't hit me in the wrong way, that person is
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  creating a bubble. They don't know it.
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  They think, OK, I just got upset.
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  No, you don't just got upset. You ruined the ability of others
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  to talk to you and you remain the same the same, the same
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  unless you become aware on your own, which is very difficult to
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  do all right is the of life is one of the most important
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  things. Be OK being wrong.
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  Be recognize the ability that there's more out there Be OK
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  with the fact that I didn't accomplish everything yet If I
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  did, it'd be game over. I didn't recognize that, absorb
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  that and be OK with that and you're on your way to such
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  unbelievable empower and strength.
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  Whereas the opposite stale, stagnant remain the same and
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  never realized that I'm the same guy.
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  The Fisher in order to ET hova a lot more would not inclined on
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  our own to be that friend, to see our faults him.
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  You're uvia vinouvia as it uvia and schmuck your friends.
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  However they'll warn you, they'll tell you, they'll
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  realize, and they'll protect you.
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  As in them are which you are, be it of your heads.
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  Salvation is an abundant council.
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  The best thing to have is real council, real friends, those who
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  tell you right and wrong and those who tell you where you're
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  flawed. It's a great thing.
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  It's a strength, actually. Can't stop this idea.