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I PREFER South African Racism Over British 'Politeness' | She Left The UK After 7 Years · Babes, how did you get here

• 0:00
  Some people dream of living elsewhere. Other people actually pack up and do it. I am April Jackson, traveling the world, finding interesting people who have moved abroad. Desmi Collier is an independent hairdresser, Airbnb host, and content creator from Cape Town. She moved to the UK for love. That move reshaped her understanding of identity, belonging, and the true cost of a life elsewhere.
• 0:26
  Now, back in South Africa, I cannot wait to dive deep into her life's journey. But first I must ask, babes, how did you get here?
• 0:35
  I got here because I wanted my identity back. I wanted to be me again. I felt like I was losing myself and I was trying so hard to get to fit in and to make it work, but it just wasn't working. And I was kidding myself, if I'm honest. Can you take me back to your childhood in Cape Town? For people who maybe haven't been here, I'd love to just get an image of what growing up here was like. Growing up in Cape Town, South Africa, I grew up in a very unequal country.
• 1:04
  society. I had to see how some people had and some people didn't and unfortunately I fell under the bracket that didn't have. I grew up in a township called Freyrund in the southern suburbs of Cape Town and it was very humbling if I'm honest. Hence why I do not take what I have for granted because I know where I started versus where I am now.
• 1:29
  Growing up, I had a mom that was a domestic worker. You guys know it maybe abroad as housecleaning and all of that. So times were tough just to put food on the table. And sometimes you had to work two jobs. I'm sorry. That's fine, baby. It's very hard to talk about.
• 1:49
  Um, and looking back now, she was trying her best. And I always used to say one day I wanted, uh, better for myself. Um, but I just knew the odds were against me because my mom, my mom could put me through school, high school and all of that. But I knew that the chance of me going to college or university were off, um,
• 2:10
  off the table. And so I had to start in my industry. I'm a senior hairdresser now, but I started right from the bottom. So I had to start with cleaning the salon, washing hair and all of those things to get into it because I knew that was my way into the industry. Whereas with others that come from very well-off parents and organized,
• 2:31
  homes, you know, the better side of Cape Man, they'll go straight to college. Okay. I had to work for that. Can I ask, are you an only child? No. Do you have siblings? I'm one of five. Okay. And where do you fall? Are you? Second last born. Okay. Second last born of five. Right. And when you were going to school, did you like school? Did you like academics? Or did you always know that you wanted to go the vocational route?
• 2:56
  The short answer is no, I didn't enjoy school. I used to find breaks more exciting. I used to find going home more exciting, which a lot of people would probably think, oh, but I also find that exciting. I also want that. But it was because I was struggling with academic work. And in schools back then, they didn't encourage you to get a trade. They didn't think that it was possible.
• 3:18
  For a child to be successful to become a plumber or a hairdresser or a carpenter or anything like that. So they just push you into academics and so you collapse. And that's why a lot of kids don't turn out to be successful because I think that's the only way up. Going to university and being an academic. You said that you wanted to go to college. Was that specifically for hair? Yes.
• 3:41
  That was specifically for hair. At some point, I wanted to do beauty, but I fell in love with hair because I used to blow dry hair in my mom's living room for pocket money and to also help my mom, you know. So I would make lots and lots of money on a Friday and a Saturday and even some Sundays just so that I could have my own pocket money because mom couldn't provide my pocket money. So I was a hustler from a young age. I was an entrepreneur from a young age. I made sweets from scratch, and I would sell it.
• 4:07
  I don't know if you know the brand Avon. Yes. I used to sell Avon anything to make money. So I was always an entrepreneur. I don't think it's something that someone could teach me. Sure. It's something that it's like the hustling me has always been there. And what age are we talking that you're blow drying hair? I would say 14, 15. Okay. Unprofessionally. Sure. Unprofessionally. But professionally, I've been doing it for over 12 years. Okay. Yeah. And when you're doing it at 14, 15, are you thinking this can be your career? Sure.
• 4:36
  No, I thought someone like me doesn't deserve to be where I am today. I just thought.
• 4:41
  Being a professional hairdresser and working in some of the best salons in the world, that wasn't meant for me. I just thought, well, this is it. I'm just going to do house calls and all of that and not go the professional route. Okay. Because I didn't know anyone that come from where I come from, so I didn't have an example, if that makes sense. To see, to look around you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are people doing? Like when you are young and you're thinking about what your future life is going to look like, what are the examples that you're seeing?
• 5:09
  So basically, a lot of my friends that has made it out of the township or, you know, rougher areas, they've all gone to university. So I felt defeated. I felt like there's nothing for me because I just felt stupid. I thought, look at my one childhood friend. She went to university two times. She's got two degrees. She works for the city of Cape Town. She's got her own house and her own car. And what am I doing? I'm blow-drying here at home. So I just thought to myself, that's like...
• 5:36
  my friends that made it out and obviously I had lots of examples of people that would never ever get out so it was a combination of it's either be an academic or turn out like those people and for me unfortunately I didn't have the education that you could make a successful career out of having a trade and when you don't make it out of the township what does that look like
• 5:57
  What does it look like? It looks very, very, very, very bad, very dark. Okay. A lot of the children's friends I had growing up, I think they turned out to be prostitutes, drug addicts, alcoholics. I mean, I still go there and say hello to them, you know. I try not to judge them, but I always think to myself that could have been me, you know.
• 6:20
  But I go so that they can see that I've made something out of myself and that that should be an encouragement for them, you know. But I feel like sometimes the education just isn't there.
• 6:34
  When did you realize that you could go a different route and create your own path? And not, I don't want to say just, but go from blow drying hair in your mom's living room to making a career, even though you didn't have the financial backing to go straight into college? Yeah. So I eventually started at the salon where I was a shampoo girl and the cleaner of the salon and all of that. That was my way in, like I said early on.
• 7:01
  And then there I started seeing, oh, oh, these girls go to college. So why am I only shampooing hair? So you didn't know before that that people were going to college for hair? I did know they went to college for hair. I just didn't know it would be me. Okay. Because I thought I needed lots and lots of money for it. Okay. Because that's the perception that's out there. Do you know what I mean? And again, there was no education for me. I didn't have anyone to tell me, you know, you can do this, this and that.
• 7:28
  and then you can work your way up. That's basically
• 7:32
  the point I'm trying to make. Yeah. So I'm in the salon and I look at the hairdressers and I think to myself, you know what? I can do this. Like I can be just as successful as them. I could, in actual fact, I feel like I could do better than that. That's what I thought to myself. I just don't have the means to do it. And then after a couple of years, I then went up. So you progress from being a shampoo girl to being a salon assistant. Now that's where you learn a lot about the industry. Yeah.
• 8:00
  And I was always hungry for knowledge. And I went, I remember researching this woman. I said to myself, I want to work for the best in the industry. And I researched her. And lucky for me, she was hiring. Yes. And I went for the interview and I said to her, please do not hire me if your intentions are not to make me a hairstylist. If your intentions are to keep me a salon assistant, please do not hire me. And she said to me, you're cheeky, but I like you. Yes.
• 8:28
  And she said to me, I've got so many other interviews to do because, I mean, she's very popular. Everyone wants to work for her, you know, because of the knowledge that she gives. She's also a facilitator, which I knew at the time. And I thought, this woman can help me, you know.
• 8:44
  The day wasn't even over and she called me and she said, you know you got the job because of your cheekiness. No one has ever spoken to me like that before. No one has ever told me, do not hire me if your intentions are to stay, to keep me as an assistant. And from there onwards, I moved up like a level as I went on the floor as a junior hairdresser.
• 9:04
  And then that's when I started coloring hair and I just started to like, I don't know how to explain it. It was like my dream was finally coming true, but without the paperwork. Remember, I've not been to college yet. Right. And then that was the time when I met my husband. Oh, really? Yes. So what age are we talking about? I actually started very late. It was I think I was 22 going on 23. Okay. And are you still living with your mom?
• 9:29
  At this point, no, I'm on my own. Okay. So I'm out of the township. Okay. I'm out of the township at this point. Do you ever remember at that time feeling any sense of guilt? Because you've grown up in a community and you've seen that there are these two avenues, right? And you've been able to carve out your own path. And I just wondered if you ever felt guilty.
• 9:51
  100%, especially for my siblings. Okay. And especially for my mom. But the thing is, if I'm not an example to them, and if I don't live this life and pursue it, I can't help them. What are your siblings, your older siblings doing when you're just finding your way? Nothing. Okay.
• 10:09
  Nothing, because they were like me. They used to think there's nowhere out of it. Okay. Yeah. And for me, it was, right, let me be an example to them. Yeah. And let me show them that anything is possible with hard work, you know. Where did this burning desire come from? Poverty.
• 10:25
  But a lot of people live in poverty and this needing to see examples, I think we really underestimate, right, what it means when you see someone do something from however you identify, whether that's you identify with them, nationality, race, class, whatever you can kind of link and bond to someone's image and you see that person do something
• 10:45
  And it does make you feel that that is also possible for you. And I'm just saying other people have seen the negativity that you describe and they weren't necessarily able to find that fire to break the mold, if you will. And I'm just wondering, have you analyzed what it was that gave you the ability to push through?
• 11:05
  Yes, I've always been ambitious from a young age. People always used to tell me, you're different. And I've always known, if I'm honest, as cocky as this is going to sound, I've always known I'm going to be somebody. I've always known I'm going to make something out of myself. I just needed to know how and how to go about it, if that makes sense. So that burning fire has been in me since a young age.
• 11:27
  Do you think it has to be born? Because even when you talk about entrepreneur, you got to. I don't think I can push, because I've tried to help certain family members do this. Look, there's an apprenticeship available and then they'd be like, it's too hard. I think I'm too old to do that. And I'm like, no, the apprenticeship is for three years. Whether you do it or not, you're still going to be three years older. So it's not too late. Go and do it. So I realized, oh, I can't teach someone to have the same fire as me. I can't want it more than them.
• 11:56
  Yeah. So as long as I know I've tried to help, I've tried to teach them how to fish instead of giving them the fish, because I think that's where a lot of people go wrong. Right. They give people the fish instead of teaching them how to fish. And that's where certain family members feel like they need to almost like they feel obligated to your success, like your money is their money. Right. And I have what you call new money. You know, I've never had it before. I've never I don't come from a market house. I didn't my mom couldn't afford to send me for driving lessons and all these things.
• 12:24
  So how did I get it all? By just being focused, you know. And yes, there was a time when I used to party a lot because I think that was to numb the pain. Okay. Was there any part in the beginning that you second-guessed your relationship?
• 12:40
  um yeah i just thought to myself i'm ruining this guy's life why why am i here no one likes me they just see me as a girl who who he left who left university for her like why her why couldn't you just find someone here do you know what i mean so yeah like mentally it messed me up and that's the year also we're not antidepressants okay because it was a lot for me to handle the first year of
• 13:05
  Yeah, being abroad, no family, no... As I didn't realise, I didn't have any family, didn't have any... Because I remember this animosity with him dropping out, and my in-laws, it's a lot. I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss my culture, I miss the son. There's a lot that just went into it, and I think I just stopped wanting to get out of bed. Can you talk to me a little bit more about...
• 13:27
  First, how is your self-awareness, right? Because from personal experience, I've been on antidepressants before, and it took me a very long time to get to a stage where I was comfortable going to a psychiatrist, comfortable even acknowledging that there was something wrong. And I say wrong because my perception of that period is very different now, but at the time, I felt that it was wrong, right? I didn't have the same open-minded approach now, in the sense that,
• 13:56
  If your knees hurt, you go fix the knee. And in my mind now, if you have a particular mental health issue, it's the same. It's just not a physical toe or whatever. But I'm just wondering, for your personal journey, how was it acknowledging that you needed some sort of help?
• 14:13
  Um, I mean, it started when I didn't want to wake up, not wake up as in not wake up. Like I could be in a restaurant or at the beach or whatever. And all I would think about was going to bed. So I just always felt tired and depressed and all of that. And then Tom was like, no, this is not you. This is not the girl I fell in love with. Let me take you to the doctor and hear what they say. Okay. And I went, I didn't fight against it. I went and it actually turned out that I've got thyroid. Okay. Um, underactive thyroid.
• 14:41
  And he said, on top of it, you've got anxiety. Because he said, no matter what you say, you're going to trauma at the moment. And that's adding to it. So what does the underactive thyroid, how does that affect you? It just means you're tired all the time. So the medication that they prescribe, it's almost like it helps you to be normal. Like not be so tired all the time. And he said, that's why I always wanted to sleep. Because I would sit in a fancy restaurant having nice food. And I would just think...
• 15:08
  I can't wait to finish this food. I just want to go home and sleep. Right. And Tom said, that's weird. Because it never used to be me. I would make videos of everything. And I didn't want to do that. I was just like, right, can we go home now? Food was really nice, but can we go home? I want to sleep. Right. So, yeah, that's when I realized I actually had anxiety. Couldn't sleep properly and stuff like that because of everything that was going, all the voices that was going around and all of that. I just knew I was very hated. Mm-hmm.
• 15:36
  Did you have any friends that you could kind of tie you down? No, remember this is my first year and you remember it's hard to make friends in a foreign country. So the loneliness also creeped in and all of that, yeah. Did the antidepressants help? A little bit, a little bit. I mean, you know, when you tell yourself something is going to help, it will help.
• 15:56
  So it did help me get out of bed more. Suddenly I didn't think of sleeping anymore and all of that. But then it's when we left Guernsey when I actually felt like I didn't need it anymore. Okay. Because I just felt like a lot has happened there. And then Manchester was like a new environment. Yes. A change of scenery. I was going to university now. My career was going well. Right. My social media presence was like, you know what I mean, on the rise and all of that. And then COVID happened. Okay. This was actually when COVID happened. And...
• 16:26
  Boom, I wasn't allowed to work. Then Tom studied online, of course, and I wasn't allowed to work. And now I'm like, the one thing that gave me purpose is now being taken away from me. And Tom actually worked in a pharmacy as a pharmacist assistant while he was at university. And what's strange is that because he was at university, his money was like keeping us afloat.
• 16:53
  Do you know what I mean? He's a university student and I felt so defeated as well. Do you feel that you define yourself by how much money you're making?
• 17:02
  No, definitely not. Okay. My mental health is far more important now. Okay. You can take all of what I have away from me. Just leave me with good mental health. And I can work myself up again. Did you feel that during COVID? During COVID was a different story because you weren't allowed out. Right. I didn't have a job. There was no money coming in. So it wasn't just like you locked up in stuff. I didn't have financial freedom. Right. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. So there was only one salary coming in and it's just like,
• 17:29
  enough to pay the bills, food and all of that, but it was like if I worked maybe we could
• 17:35
  taken that trip to italy or whatever the case may be so now you don't have that freedom and it really and you know in the uk you must have something to look forward to you must have a trip to look forward to else it eats you up right so so we couldn't even book anything so that's like enough of people was like oh that's first world problems i'm like no it's still a problem because i'm still thinking about mental health here yeah people think because you don't have third world problems anymore you're not allowed to have problems right
• 17:59
  Do you know what I mean? It's like how dare April talks about her iPhone 16 giving up problems. Like, yeah, I'm a content creator, so I need a good phone. So it's like people don't really see into first world problems properly because they're so dead set about their third world problems. Yeah. It's like we're not allowed to lash out or have problems. Do you know what I mean? So that for me was like a big deal breaker, if I'm honest. How is life in Manchester different from Guernsey? In Manchester, it's far more diverse.
• 18:29
  Yes, there's still subtle racism. Yes, there's still xenophobia in there. But in general, I feel like I can breathe again. Oh, there's someone who looks like me. Oh, there's someone who looks like me. In Guernsey, I could count them on my one hand. Right. Because Guernsey is 90-something percent white. Okay. So it's like still, and the demographic is 60,000 plus. Okay. So you can imagine like...
• 18:49
  I'm not saying people are not used to people of color, but I think it's also the stares you get sometimes or, you know, people thinking, oh, she's from Africa. It's like people aren't educated, so it limits their way of, like you said, people don't want to be educated. They feel more comfortable knowing that you are poor, but if you tell them, oh, maybe, like, you come from Mani, or, oh, no, I'm actually fine, you know. Before I left here, I actually did live in the suburbs.
• 19:16
  Now we do have Wi-Fi. Now we do have this. It's like now it's like, right, I used to think I'm better than people from South Africa, but now you're telling me we have the same things. So you can see the frustration that they feel like an idiot for thinking those things. Now you're the problem again because you come across as,
• 19:33
  because you're trying to help them understand. We have everything. We also have an entertainment industry. We also have singers, dancers. We have all those things. You just don't know about it. Your views about Africa or South Africa is so limited based on a BBC documentary because I've seen those documentaries and it's rubbish. They don't tell you the truth.
• 19:52
  Because I think they want you to be grateful to be British and be proud and you know, you could have been from Africa, you know? So I think when you find it, break that stereotype and you actually tell them, you know, you can actually research this, it's really not that deep, research it. And then it's like, you can feel the tension.
• 20:10
  Because you're threatening their position, right? Like because you're not there yet. We know the same. Yeah. We know. And I think that's how South Africa is now in general. Like you see a lot of people that used the haves and then the haves not the haves not are now with the haves. And so the haves is like, right, we feel we feel threatened. So there's a genocide now against white South Africans. Is all these things are being said now because people are scared that
• 20:35
  after everything they've done to people of color in this world, we still, still we rise. And I think that's a threat, the real one.
• 20:42
  How has your history in South Africa with apartheid, how has that influenced life now? Because I was saying to my sister, it wasn't that long ago. 30 odd years ago. I mean, it probably stopped just when I was born. So I have no part of it. I don't understand it. So just like you, I'm just as ignorant as, you can't swim here, you can't eat there. I've never experienced any of those things. Again, also I say to people,
• 21:12
  Now I feel like light skin privileges are still there in South Africa. Yes, people do sometimes look down on people of color here or black people in general. But I do think people also don't understand that apart it was deeper than just black and white. It was also the lighter your skin was. So it's like I still see that. I am happy to say that I've got light skin privileges in certain areas.
• 21:35
  Spaces. Yes. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? So how did it affect me? You ask. Just in terms of, do you see any remnants of that in modern times? Yes. 100%. I think, I think when people look at someone like me and for instance, they come to my house for the first time, or they know that I'm self employed and all these things. It's like, they don't want to believe that I can do that. And then when my husband walks in and then it makes sense to them. Okay.
• 22:05
  It's like, oh, it makes sense now that a colored person is there. Oh, because her husband is white and he's from the UK. Right. It's like they can't give you that reward that you actually did it as well. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? That's the only downfall actually in South Africa because I find when I lived in England...
• 22:23
  As much as there was racism and xenophobia and all of those things, the one thing that I actually miss about England is the fact that people don't put my achievements down on him. Whereas with the year, and not everyone does it. I appreciate there are people that are very open-minded and they know I've worked hard because they've known me from a very young age. But the majority of people would just think you are where you are because of your husband. I would have done these things even if it took me longer to get there. Right.
• 22:49
  Luckily, we did it together as a team. So it's easier to do something together as a team, isn't it? So I just think like my success is always going to be bound down to us, but as long as I live in South Africa. Okay. Whereas within other countries, I think when I say other countries, I just mean first world countries. Because in third world countries, that's how people look at white people. We need to be honest. Do you know what I mean? That's that's my that's my perception of a part of the legacy it left behind is that people still think people of color,
• 23:18
  they are where they are oh oh because you have a white husband we have a white wife do you know what i mean yeah yeah when you're in manchester you get through covid and you come out the other side you start working again and you find your rhythm at what point do you and your husband reconsider coming back to south africa
• 23:38
  We've spoken about it before COVID happened. Okay. We just didn't have the funds. Right. We didn't have the means to do it. And I mean, you said to me, you know what? One day it will happen. We can't say when one day is, but it will definitely happen. But we didn't realize it will happen, I think, five years after living there.
• 23:56
  Okay. You know when you know, you know. There was never going to be a perfect time. And it was actually... People think I was the one that pushed him into coming to live here. He was the one that pushed me even further to come here. Really? Yes, he so badly wanted to come and live here. Why? Because he...
• 24:13
  First of all, he knew what that would mean to me. My mental health is his first priority. My happiness is his first priority. So he really pushed forward. We were a little bit more financially stable, so that helped to make the decision. I actually wanted to move back in 2027.
• 24:31
  Okay. He, we left in the beginning of 2025. Yeah. So I still wanted to stay on. I think I was in denial about a lot of things. And I think like back in the day we were talking about it, but I always used to think, oh, people are going to think I'm a failure for moving back. Oh, shame for her. She thought she was going to make it there, but now she's back. I used to think about all those things. What would people say?
• 24:55
  And then when I stopped caring about people's subpoenas, I realized this is going to be good for me. I can inspire other people to move, but now I have the knowledge to help them, you know. And I think some people think I'm against living in the UK. I'm against them doing it. I'm against them...
• 25:11
  you know, moving to new countries or whatever the case may be. I'm not. I'm just saying don't move and think it's going to be a bit of roses. Because no one helped me to think like that, but I want to help others. That's why I make these videos about the good and the bad, so that people can decide. Maybe they've not given the weather situation a thought, a first thought. Are you a summer person or are you a winter person? Then Europe is not for you. These are the things that no one spoke to me about. So this is why I like to educate.
• 25:40
  Yeah.