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You Have Everything. Why Does It Still Feel Like Something’s Missing? · Ayekah: Finding Your True Self with Rav Shlomo Katz

• Boker tov, everyone. Good morning. Thank you so much for coming. The month of Cheshvan is sponsored by Dena Tobin for a רפואה שלימה of Merkelis bas Mazal, by Ayala and Yonatan Finn for a complete רפואה שלימה of Ayala's mother, Yehudis bas Sarah, anonymously for a זיווג הגון for Esther bas Rachel, Nechama Miriam bas Tzina Pearl, Yael Aviah bas Chana Devorah, and Galia bas Yehudis. The day is sponsored today by Simone Frankiel and Sarah Fischman לעילוי נשמת Shmuel ben Chaim David זכרונו לברכה, and by Sarah and Baruch Goldie לעילוי נשמת Noach ben Isser u'Miriam on his 24th yahrzeit, for the רפואה שלימה of Gershon Leib ben Bila Pige who is having surgery today, and for the הצלחה of Hadas Chava Yocheved bas Baruch Shmuel v'Sarah. Yishar koach. Yishar koach to all the sponsorships. Okay. On the page that on the the the the handout that we gave out, we're going to be starting from the the third paragraph, עודן. The word עודן. But I'm going to give a I'm going to we're still in the הקדמה. It's a gevald, we're still in הקדמה of the sefer of Rav Sasson that now, as we mentioned before, Baruch Hashem, the sefarim are here. There's a few more left for purchase, so they're they're right here, and the link to pay is I sent it out on the group, so you can just do it directly to the shul. So, it's mamash I want to thank my dear friend Kovi Fleishman for organizing this and making sure that we could have the actual sefer. And I always say, it's it always we always look frummer when we walk around with the sefer. It's enough of a reason to get one. It's safer with the sefer. Now, the problem with finding the page on the on the sefer is that it's no there's no page numbers in the sefer. So, I'm going to go like this: In the הקדמה, 1, 2, 3, 4, we're on the fifth page of the הקדמה. Okay? The fifth page of the הקדמה. Yeah, the the first the first the first word of the page is המכות, and we're starting from the word עודן. Now, I'm I'm going to quickly mamash there's no need to do too much of a recap, because I think, and based on the conversations I've been having with you over this last week since we last learned, יש פה משהו גדול מאוד. There's some big light coming down over here. How do you know? Because each person can relate when when each person can relate to something, and and it sounds a little bit different, but it reaches each person, then you understand that the kind of Torah that we're learning is שייך to our דור, to our generation. We want Torah that we feel is speaking right to us. And Rav Sasson is just doing it in his magnificent magnificent way. Everyone wants to figure out today, "What do I need to do in this world?" We have to remember that that is not something that was happening in previous generations. It wasn't. Everyone wants to know what they're supposed to be doing in this world, what is their personal way of shining their personal light, their unique light, and making a change, but it's not a given that that that this was what life was like. And we need to really spend time on this for a second. What does that mean? And could it be that people lived their lives for many years without really trying to understand what their unique light is all about? The answer is yes, because we were in survival mode for 2,000 years in galut. In galut, in exile, no one dreamt of trying to figure out what makes them special and what's their special light light like, their עצמיות. No one thought about these things. And for much more on that, mechilah, I highly recommend going to my to to Bina's shiur on Sunday mornings, because that's where Rav Sasson develops this in much greater detail. And it's a hashgachah because these two sefarim of Hakitzu V'Ranenu and Eicha are absolutely complementing each other and filling in gaps with each other. אין ספק. But now that we're here, back after 2,000 years, עצמיות is this As we've been learning over and over again in this hakdamah, that if whatever is being charged in the front, whatever is the calling of the דור, you will see that the other side, the סטרא אחרא, is going to come and try to make it that much more difficult. You could think, "I finally have this desire to figure out who I am, what makes me special, and what I'm supposed to bring to the world." And you would think, excuse me, that Hashem would just be, "Oh, my God, He's so happy that that I came to that conclusion. He's just so happy that I came" to that conclusion, and then you start going into a whole berachah in your mind, saying, "Why? I can't believe it. Now you're making this so hard? How could that be? You see I'm finally showing up. I want to, I want to shine my own light. Now you're going to make it even more difficult?" And you have to remember that if there's a challenge, and I want you to listen to this, and I'm talking to myself as I'm saying this, you must We all must remember the following thing. If you have no challenge in front of you that's trying to block you away from your own personal light, then that thing which you thought you discovered about yourself is not so geshmak. Because the thing that you figured out, or you have a sense of what's happening inside of you, will have an enemy. It will have a, a זה כנגד זה. If he If there's nothing, if there's no התנגדות to what you're doing, then it means that what you didn't Either you didn't really figure it out, or it's not so important. Like I'm having such a geshmak week because I got so many, like, disgusting letters this week. It was beautiful. About a certain work of avodah, but that that's how you באמת. If I didn't have these תורות in front of me, I'd lose it a million times over, a million times over. So therefore, I just want to give us the strength to understand that as we learn continue to learn this sefer, and there's going to be things that are going to be starting to come out of like, wow, like wow זה, my my, me, my, my personal thing that I want to do in this world is not becoming clear yet, but there's an urge for it, do not get startled at all when there's a התנגדות, when there's an opposition to it. Of course there's going to be an opposition to it. It's the final battle. It's the final battle. Because Am Yisrael showing up in its full glory means that everyone understands that they're vital, that their own ענין is vital not just for survival, but for thriving, that's it, that's the end of the other side. So this דור, what are we seeing? We are seeing a צמא, a thirst like we've never seen before for a lot of We could say a lot of very There's a lot of holy concepts and terminology, but the most the deepest thing is people are not, the real neshamot are not satisfied, they're not satiated with Torah that does not connect them to their שורש נשמה. They're not. And chalilah sometimes they they don't hear they don't hear it from anywhere else. They don't They look around the world of Torah, they're like, I don't know, I guess people are I guess I'm just not shayach because it seems like everyone else around me is like fine with just, you know, learning the feeling good about, I don't want to go into detail, learning things that don't really turn me on to my עיקר נשמה. But it's spreading, and it's spreading like wildfire. And this week my wife and I met many, many, many neshamot that are holding in this in this Torah. They're holding in this world. And when I lose my center, when I lose focus, and that which makes me inside really feeling like I'm aligned with myself, I just have to realize I need to realign. I need to stop, I need to pause, and I need to ask certain questions that will realign me to finding out what is my chelek in the תפקיד of Klal Yisrael. Everything we're saying has another word for it, has another phrase, has another title for it. It's called the reappearance of the Shechinah. It's called the reappearance of the Shechinah. That's really one of the main reasons why I felt it was more shayach to learn this sefer here in this shiur, and you're going to give it over to your husbands, right? Very convincing. Because this is your תפקיד, to lead it. Having said all that, let's jump right back inside. Last week we were speaking about the fact that there are more distractions today than ever for human being, for a individual to be able to stay focused on figuring out their אני. There are more distractions than ever, again, that's because this is the last battle before Mashiach is coming. Of course there's going to be more distractions than ever. Of course there will be. It also, thank you so much, it also what what what what can make Shabbos more gevald than ever. Because the more distracted you are during the week, the more that on Shabbos you can't blame the distractions on any devices, so you have a more of a of a גישה to the פנימיות of Shabbos. And we're entering the, you know, we're entering into this world called יום שכולו שבת. You know, the famous band in they were a famous band band when I was a kid in and and all over Eretz Yisrael and in other places called Reva LaSheva, remember? Why are they called Reva LaSheva? Right before Shabbos. Reva LaSheva, it's a quarter to seven. That that that was the inyan behind the name. It's almost Shabbos, Reva LaSheva. So it's like I think it's like kind of like חמישה לשבע now. Like if you started a new band, it's like חמישה לשבע. It's five minutes till Shabbos, right? We're we're we're there. We're there, cuz things are getting much clearer in in as a state and as a country. Don't you feel like everything's become much clearer this week, like we have a derech and, right? So that that means it's going to get It's listen, it's going to get Yeah, this morning, my our girls woke up, "So?" After a few hours, "Who won?" the whole thing today. חמישה לשבע, chevra, mamash five minutes to to seven. Okay. אובדן העצמיות, the loss of of this אני, of this independent of this inner calling of just me, ושכחת חיי הקודש הפנימיים המקוריים, and forgetting what it means to live a life of inner קדושה, הם האתגר האדיר של דורנו. This is the great challenge of our generation. ודווקא הם אלו שצריכים יותר מכל ללמד אותנו על האור הגדול שמבקש להתגלות. And because it seems that living a life of kedushah on a personal and collective level seems to have been forgotten, it's davka these things, they teach us about the great light that's asking to to to let let itself be revealed. אור העצמיות, the light of what makes me tick, the light of my own my own shlichut in the world. שפע החיים העצמי, the abundance of real life שתמון בכל אחד מאיתנו. Each one of us is filled with the most gevaldik treasure of of vitality, of of being alive. And it wants to reveal itself. It wants to come out! So many of you have this cheshek. I I want, I want to find out! I want to find out, I'll do anything to figure this out. It wants to come out! Why does it It never wanted to come out more than this dor. So it has to humble us, like wow, just even if it hasn't come out yet, חכו, that's an amazing thing! It's just a beautiful thing. כי הן אמת, what's the truth? שהנשמות של הדור שלנו גדולות הן מאוד. These, I don't know what that means. Like I don't know how to walk around with with you know, with with with a corrective lens that can detect the size of souls, but even without the corrective lens detecting the size of souls, it's clear to all of us we're around the the greatest dor. These the neshamot today that are that are מבקשים, that are looking for something, are big, big neshamot. And we're ואנחנו בתוכם, and we're also part of them. ואנחנו בתוכם. הנשמות של הדור שלנו גדולות הן מאוד, ובפנימיותן, in the inside, what are they really asking for, the the the big neshamot of today? They're not necessarily looking to come up with the deepest chidushim or to davka say, "I'm going to complete the whole Shas three times in my life." Maybe, but that that that's not the thing that defines the נשמות גדולות of our דור. It's that inside they're asking to live big life, a big life, real life. מבקשות להיות יוצרות, they want to be creative, they want to be artists, מקוריות, original. The דור today, and the big נשמות don't want to be, even if they're great, they don't want to be the greatest imitators or impersonators. They want something very, very big. מאירות ומקרינות חיים וברכה, illuminating and להקרין, how would you say that? Radiate? To project a life, radiate life, חיים וברכה, and blessing. What kind of a life? חיים שיש בהם תפוקה ועשיה. We don't want to just stay in the realm of theory. The דור today, the generation today, the big נשמות today want to be proactive. They want to be doing. They're not okay with just sitting on the sidelines and hearing great ideas, learning about great people. זה כבר לא, it doesn't really do that anymore. You've you noticed that that's not really doing it for people anymore, just to hear about great people? What people really want today is to be themselves great people, to do big things. טובה ו טובה ואורה, that what I do brings goodness and light to the world. I want a life of חיים שבהם כל אחד יחוש את ערכו המיוחד, a life that each person gets a sense of how precious they really are. No one thought like this. If you went to your parents, you think I'm going to say 100 years ago? 20 years ago. 30 years ago. And you said, "Mom, I want to dedicate my life to finding out what makes me tick. What's so special about me?" First call is to the guidance, is to the, you know, the, right? The The guidance counselor, the social worker, ke'ilu that יש משהו דפוק. יש לכם משהו דפוק בראש. I don't want my kid to be stuck with such a, you know. Today, if you don't have this, יש לכם משהו דפוק בראש, right? Every person wants to sense what's special about their own value. את האור הנפלא שדווקא הוא יכול וצריך להאיר לעולם. וצריך להאיר לעולם, the special, wondrous light that davka you can and will illuminate and shine to the world. האתגר המורכב שזומן לפתחנו מעיר בעצמו על הדבר הזה. מעיד. And the fact that this challenge is so hard just shows us how big the actual dream is. How big the רצון really is. Because how many people can you say about them, they figured out what makes them tick, they figured out what's special about them, they figured out the אור, and they also figured out the כלים, the vessels? How many people could say How many people do you know that you could say about them, they tuned into their own special light— I'd say your husband has a really good חוש in this, אור and כלי, באמת. Facebook could jail him as long as they want, he's not going anywhere. אור, or what I know is is is my light to bring to the world, and כלים together. It's the complete package. It's the complete package. How many people do we know like that? I tell you, I know so many כלים חברה. The אור is cute if it's It's like a luxury, if they get it. But כלים, they're good. Now, I know way more אור חברה with zero כלים, zero כלים. And they want כלים so badly. They want כלים so badly. I mean, the whole world of psychedelics is really if if the פנימיות of it is this calling for the merger between these two worlds of אורות and כלים. It's not a It's not סתם. It's not סתם that there is this calling in this דור much more than the '60s about doing things in a way that I can come out with אור and כלים, but obviously we understand that we have something much more powerful than anything external. It's all inside of us. It's all in here. And we're chalishing for a Torah that connects our light and our vessels. We're chalishing for it. I don't ever want to translate that word, chalishing. Chalishing for it. Okay, so המבט הזה, bottom line, bottom paragraph. שבדורנו העצמיות צריכה לגלות את אורה, so what what is this about that in our דור the עצמיות, this light we're talking about, the individual's own shining in the world needs to reveal its own light? נעוץ בשרשים עמוקים מאד. It's etched, it's found, it's rooted in very ancient roots, in deep roots. מבואר בספרים הקדושים, this is what we were talking about in the beginning of shiur, it's brought down in the holy books, שהעצמיות של כל אחד מישראל, let's give it another word, that thing that makes my own light, my thing I have to do in the world, let's give it another world word right now, for to make to make things add up a little bit more, he's going to give it to us, היא ניצוץ מאור השכינה. It's a spark from the light of the Shechinah. That's what it is. Now, what happened after חורבן בית חורבן בית המקדש? What happened to the Shechinah? Either it was dispersed, it left, it it was exiled. But let's take it a step back. What did it mean to to live in a state of Shechinah, when the Shechinah was residing? What what did that mean? What did that look like? Unity. Hm? Unity. I'm not going to let you get away with that very כללי word. What does that mean? What did it look like? What did it feel like to walk around? Right, we we're never forced to do this things, because it's terminologies that we say, "Well, it was shayach for that דור." No, let's let's figure out what we're trying to get back to, and even more, and even deeper. What did it mean to live—and I'm going to kind of like push you to to Okay, I'm not annoying you. I'm not worried. What did it mean to to live in a world where the Shechinah was present? As if I know. I don't have, you understand, I'm not like telling you, "I'll tell you what it was cuz I was there," but based on the ספרים, what did it mean? So, you're saying unity. So, what does that mean? To me, it means everyone like was like together. Like you like you don't see the other person as another person. He's an extension of you. An extension of you. together. Yeah. It's like a yafeh. I And we always say ואהבת לרעך כמוך, like we all these things that we say like they should be we should love the other like we like us. Like, I think that that's a feeling like that. Yafeh. מה עוד? What does it mean to anyone else that you could imagine what it meant to live in a world where the Shechinah was present? Pure holiness. Hm? Pure holiness. So, what does that mean? Everybody was on such a high Everyone was on a high level. How did they get there? Just cuz the Shechinah was there? Just cuz the Shechinah was there, there was a התעלות? Lillian? Maybe it was just a I'm sorry, I can't hear you. It was about having the vessel to receive. Meaning, the light was there, but the chiddush was that there was a vessel to receive it. Ah, okay, we're going to get back to that. What else? Yalla, Nechama Liba. I think deveikut. I'm sorry? Deveikut. I think similar to what you were saying, but like a a much more natural connection to Hashem and to ourselves and to each other. Natural Meaning, I didn't have to work so hard on what? On the the connection and the recognition of Hashem, like we didn't say ברכות, right? Because we need that now to like tap us back in. There was like a natural flow of of like this consciousness that that came Consciousness. Flow of consciousness, right. Chazak. Chazak me'od. What else? There's no wrong answer here unless you tell me something really מטורף, you know. What else is there? In the Shechinah, yeah? It it reminds me of what we were learning in in your class, like you don't know the like you don't have a need. You're just full. You're just all the time full. There's no separation of anything. You're just full cuz it's like when you're in the womb, you're just being fed. Like there's no need there's nothing that you feel שלמות. Mhm, yeah. לגמרי. מה עוד? שמחה אמיתית. Ah, so there's real there's real joy. There's real joy. There was real joy. Why was there real joy? Because of because you don't walk around feeling a lacking. Most of us, what why are we walking around so צעבראכן and depressed all the time? We have expectations. All the time. We always there's always a fog, there's always a lacking. No, sorry, because there's a fog, we come to the assumption that there is a חיסרון. Or we can't see it, or we can't feel it. Right, so because we can't it's not tangible, it leads us to say there's something missing in me. I'm not, and that's why people, you know, go through the whole ענין of "I'm not good enough" and all those self-persecutive doubts and and and ענינים that everyone goes through. נכון. So, can you imagine living in a world where the Shechinah resides? Like let's take everything we've said right now, now imagine a world where the Shechinah resides. דביקות, שלמות, קדושה, אחדות, all these things are true. What is it today when you if Rabbi Sasson is saying when you have this dachaf to shine your own light or to discover what your own light is, it's a nitzotz, it's a spark of the light of the Shechinah. It's a spark of the of that light that we described right now. Now, he explains this in a very unique way. We're in the third we're in the third to bottom line: היא ניצוץ מאור השכינה. השכינה נקראת בחז״ל כנסת ישראל, ממש the absolute opposite of the כנסת today, okay? And the absolute חילול השם and ביזיון that we're seeing happening in this place that they took this terminology, which ממש they should be ashamed of themselves for using such a word because of what it really is. כנסת ישראל. The כנסת, what is לכנס? The ingathering of ישראל. Ingathering of ישראל has 19 19 jihadists right now that are in the כנסת ישראל. Listen, today's the unfortunate prophet's yahrtzeit and it's important to mention his name. 30-something years ago today, a Jew was murdered in New York, and he was a prophet cuz every single word that he said has happened. Every word that Rabbi Meir Meir Kahane Hashem yikom damo had said has happened. Maybe you didn't like the way he said it. Get over it. Every word he said has happened. He described that this place called כנסת ישראל what what what took place. Like we're all trying to figure out who won, who won. Do you realize what's happening on the bottom of all this? As Moshe Feiglin called it, it's the political October 7th. We're just so focused on this ענין of, well, who got most and who's going to join? And meanwhile, these אויבים, these enemies have grown to numbers that should make us all wake up really, really fast. And today is his 34th yahrtzeit. He was killed in November 1990 in the Marriott Hotel in Manhattan. So we should we should have רחמנות on our own נשמות, and even if it's uncomfortable, beg Hashem to wake us up, be'ezrat Hashem. So the Shechinah is called in חז״ל כנסת ישראל. Why is it called כנסת ישראל? על שם שהיא כונסת את כללות הנשמות. Now he gave us a description what Shechinah is. Shechinah gathers in all of the נשמות. It makes everyone feel like they're part of something. It makes everyone feel like they're part of the right thing too, and they're not confused about it. You ever feel like you've gotten become closer to a certain חברה, but inside you're not so sure this is really the ענין? There's some good things, there's some bad things. The Shechinah, the light of the Shechinah brings you in and you have no ספקות. You basically say I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world with anyone else in the world. בהיר לי כשמש. Crystal clear to me, this is where I want to be. Shechinah, the appearance of Shechinah is clarity, living a life חסר ספקות, without doubts. That's the שלימות that you were talking about. No doubts. That's the or of the Shechinah. על שם שהיא כונסת את כללות הנשמות. היא מקורן ושרשן. The Shechinah is the root and the source of of all of the neshamot of Am Yisrael. כך מבואר בספרים הקדושים. This is what's said in the holy books. שהמשמעות הפנימית למושג אני היא אור השכינה. This is what's written in the holy sefarim, that the meaning, the inner meaning for the word אני is the light of Shechinah. That's what אני means, the light of Shechinah. להראות לנו, to teach us, שהיא הגרעין העצמי העמוק ביותר של העצמיות שלנו, that the me, the אני is the greatest the גרעין העצמי העמוק ביותר של העצמיות שלנו. The light of the Shechinah is in our in its root, in our root the greatest, most reliable thing that could tell me this is this is who I am. Identity. It's amazing how now what's happening in the whole world, there's this whole struggle over identity. It's not stam. All these things that we were talking about about the search for the real me, and then look what happens in a world where there's no real or, there's no real kelim. So everyone's going meshuga over how do you identify yourself? I'm not making a joke out of it, I'm being very serious about it. Why is this appearing right now so strongly in the world? Because it's also appearing in us. It's just not a question of our gender. We don't maybe we don't have it on a Be'ezrat Hashem we don't have it at a gender level, but we have it on a like a the identity on a תפקיד level, on like what So it's it's it's appearing in the whole world, 'cause this is the this is what it's all about. This is what it's all coming down to. Can you really can you really get a grip on who you really are and what you want to be in this world? עוד מבואר בספרים, it's also brought down in the holy books, שתהליך הגאולה, now this is, I'm telling you, if we didn't get if we I'm going a little bit faster today because it's this is really what I wanted to get to today. עוד מבואר בספרים שתהליך הגאולה הוא תהליך חזרת השכינה לבריאותה ולכל עוצמת אורה. The process of redemption is a process of the Shechinah returning to its greatest state of health and to its full עוצמת אורה, to the power of its light. And when it's powerful and when it's healthy, there are no questions anymore, 'cause it's clear to me who I am and what I need to do in this world. הגלות דלדלה את אורה. Two thousand years of exile דלדל, dimmed its light, כלבנה במיעוטה, like the moon in its more contracted state, or at least state of appearance, right? ובגאולה, in redemption, חוזרת השכינה לכל שלמות אורותיה, the Shechinah comes back in its full and its full light. וממילא, so what ends up happening? גם נשמות ישראל חוזרות לבריאותן ולעוצמת אורן. And this is what I wanted to ask you. What does it mean that a neshamah from Klal Yisrael becomes healthy again and starts to feel strong with their light? What does that look like? It looks like non-apologetic, not confused Yidden. And it's not to be a a a דווקאניק by being non-apologetic. It's just I'm not trying to make a statement, I'm actually just enabled to be myself. You want to, you want to label me being myself a statement? That's your galut, galusdike brain. But when when the Shechinah comes back in its full glory and it's in its in its most healthiest way and its strength and its light is shining bright, I don't have to tell anybody anything about why I'm simply being myself. And when you come across Jews that are apologetic about anything that has to do with them being themselves, there's still, that's an as-a-Jew Jew. We've spoken about this many time, many, many times. As-a-Jew Jews have to keep on... You know what I mean by as-a-Jew Jews? Yeah, you don't hear, you haven't seen this in the world? Well, as a Jew... Anyone that says that is about to tell you something horrible about Am Yisrael. As a Jew... You don't know about this? You don't hear it much here in Israel. It's true, it's true, it's true. Honestly, it's it's I have this discussion with with, not to name-drop, it's just someone that the chevrah know here, whenever I speak to Michael Rapaport, it's always about this inyan. He's he's this Yid who's the mamash one of the holiest and filthiest mouths that ever existed. We're still we're still working on him. He he has this אור בהיר, I don't know how he got this from October 7th. It's like Hashem said: that little Kohen, he's a Kohen. Michael, yeah, he's a Kohen. Michael, can't explain it to you, there's going to be clear light coming your way. Can't explain it to you. Just yesterday, whatever. The the Shechinah comes back, it means I I don't understand how anyone can see things differently, like. But the Yidden that that are still stuck in this as a Jew, and then they feel they need to say something, if you look at what's been going on, they're trying to give excuses and explanations for all the things that are still trying to of prevent the light of the Shechinah to come into the world. And it's always in the name of humanitarian causes, it's always in the name of this so-called holy שטויות, the concept of holiness that was created by by people that have nothing to do with the Shechinah. Nothing. That's why over here, what touched me so deep when he said: נשמות ישראל חוזרות לבריאותן ולעוצמת אורן. You see a generation today of מבקשים and מבקשות, they're becoming healthy again. Health, how do you know you're healthy? You're strong. You don't have to convince your limbs, give them excuses why they should move. It's all happening in אחדות. Now I do connect more to what you're saying, all the limbs of the body, and that's, you're speaking about that on Sunday, all limbs of the body are working more in unison, and there's there's there's a שלמות, and there's a harmony to how these things work. חזון העצמות היבשות? נכון. It's exactly the prophecy of Yechezkel. כי כשהמקור מלא אור, when our source is filled with light, we're in the end of the second paragraph, אזי כל ענפיו מתברכים בשפך חיים עשיר וגדול כנהר שוטף הממלא את כל פלגיו ויובליו במים חיים. Then all the, how do you say, the the places that there was a drought, the, you know, all the riverbanks that, all the all the The swamps. The swamps suddenly begin to receive such nourishment, they've been waiting. A swamp, he's saying here basically, is this space that you look at it and you'll be like, ugh, disgusting. But if you listen to the פנימיות of it, what is it calling out? It's saying, I'm waiting to be nourished, I'm waiting to be filled. I'm waiting to be filled. So we could look at certain kids today that aren't working well in the system. You look at them, what a swamp. Hashem yishmor. If you listen closely to what they're saying, and I have a lot of these conversations with parents that I'm privileged to talk to about their children, באמת deep down inside they're saying, "Listen, I need a hose to come here right now and fill me, but I have to tell you the honest truth. You, Mom and Dad, are not really you're not tuned in with this דור. So the hose that you're going to spritz on me is going to make me even drier and drier. I need a hose that's coming from the Shechinah. I need a hose that's coming from the light, from this type of light that we're speaking about. So please, please, for your sake, get a better hose. Fill your own אוצרות, fill your own, you know." In Al-Anon, you can't fill someone else's cup unless yours is full type of thing, like what if we didn't grow up with this? הלוואי, and now they need us to fix ourselves first. That's why I always say that children need to see their parents on the most coolest fire. Not too fiery, because then the kid freaks out, thinks his parents are freaks. Cool fire. Fire that's cool, you know? Fire that's cool. Fire, but it's cool. Cool meaning it's, "Wow, you're you're into cool things," but also like זה לא זה it doesn't, you know, it doesn't burn, yeah, it doesn't burn. How many children of We know, I don't have to tell you this, how many children of the most of the most beautiful baalei teshuva, they got burnt out. I mean this is not a new thing. Some of you are in the room as well. Sometimes like some of the biggest like social media heretics are kids of baalei teshuva. Kids of baalei teshuva! The parents were on fire, fire, fire. At that time, that's what they needed, but today's children need something else. They maybe feel like swamps, but they want to be filled with water that's coming from the source of the light of Shechinah. So what does that look like? So water that's coming from the light of Shechinah, that means being invited to a world of Torah that is not only not threatening, when you give it to them you when you give it to that person that's starving for real, they can't get enough of it. But it's not necessarily that they can't get enough and they take on more and they take on more. We've met those types of people. It doesn't last like that. It's not that they take on more, necessarily. Maybe they take on things, but it's a more cool fire. It's gradual, it's healthy, and it's done in a שלימותדיקע way. It's done in a in a in a complete way that doesn't threaten people. It's done in a way that look, I don't know how to describe it exactly, but it's just done in a in a שלימותדיקע way. I'm just going to keep it at that. And that's what's happening in this דור. You may look at the דור and see swamps. I don't know, I see I see, like I told you last week in shul, I see tattoos that are that are that those tattoos are basically like the most incredible like screaming out to the world, "I need something to touch me in my bones, and this is the closest to my actual bone, so I'll choose a pasuk, or I'll choose something that I don't know what something that for me, it makes me feel alive, because no one else is saying anything that makes me feel alive in my kishkes. And this is the closest thing to my kishkes." Now again, I am not No, no, no. One kid came up to me after shul. He came in in the middle of the drasha, and he said to me, he waited, this kid never waits, he waited the whole line of chevra to say, "Gut Shabbos," and he was so excited. He said, "I am he I said, "I'm running home to tell my mom that you said I that you talked about קדושת הקעקועים, like the holiest of" One kid, one kid! I said to him, "Listen to me, brother, you you have to be in for the full דרשה. I can't I can't explain to you how essential it is, but I, you know, obviously, I told him, chas v'chalilah, chas v'shalom." I said, "But why?" I got so He got so excited that he finally found a רב that is promoting, you know, קעקועים. Time that, you know, I was then I started to talk to him about כתבם על לוח לבך. My kids were waiting so late, I had to I haven't actually, I haven't checked in with him since Shabbos. I have to make sure. But even here right now, I want you to understand, I'm explaining what's happening with the דור. I'm explaining what's happening with the דור. This is just if there's something very, very deep. Like we look at that and be like, "Look how they're משחיתים their body." It's true cuz when we were kids, who got a tattoo? People that did time in jail, mainly. Wasn't wasn't a דבר, it wasn't a or or vet or Hells Angels or people that came back from Vietnam, and and just, you know, like the extreme extreme cases, right? But it's not like that today. There's something else that's going on in the world. Obviously, it's it's it's still a sad thing that this is what this is how people feel the need to express themselves, but we all know that you look at you talk to these נשמות, they're the deepest deepest מבקשים and מבקשות for something real. This is their way of finding their אני, do you understand? There's no more there's no greater expression for them than the גילוי of their אני than their אני, than their own body and and expressing something through it. For them, there's no greater expression. And we have to be conscious of that when we're looking at these נשמות and realizing, I wish that I could do that in the כשר way, meaning I wish that I could write something, carve something into me, into my soul in the holiest, most כשר way as well. That's what פנימיות התורה is trying to trying to get us to do, לחקוק בלבנו בבשרנו something, to carve something into us. על כן נבין. Next paragraph. שהעצמיות הפנימית שלנו הן העצמיות הכללית, אור השכינה, we're not talking just about ourselves, it's the appearance of the light of the שכינה, והן העצמיות הפרטית של כל אחד מאתנו, and our inner independence, not independence, cuz that's that's the wrong word for this the shiur. The inner I, the inner me, the private me of each and every one of us is becoming redeemed, הולכת ונגאלת. הולכת ומבקשת לצמוח ולהאיר. Baruch Hashem, there's so many women in this room that I've had the the humbling conversation of of hearing from them how they want to find out what how to how to discover and what to do with the discovery of them, of their of their ענין in the world, of their light in the world. And you know, just to mention her, even though we haven't seen her in a while, but she's still one of my rebbes. Esti really taught me this. Esti that that has been through so much, our dear friend Esti Goloventzitz, hope she mochel me for saying this, but this is a person that the זכות of Daniel Sass, who I want to mention, found us, because when we first moved here, I think it was Monday nights, we were doing the shiur out of the house in the bottom of Pitum Haketoret, you were there, Ruth, you were there, and Dan, you were there, and Chanassa, you were there, a few of the chevra were were there, Daniel came with his with his video and he would it was the beginning it was this is like 12 12 years ago, meshuga, right? And the first few videos of my shiurim he filmed and he would post them. She found the video and she had just she was living here for a few years, living where she lives on the other side of Efrat, and she wrote a comment like, where can you learn Torah like this? And we, I think he responded, I think Daniel actually told her. Anyway, she started coming. And we all know she's been through the nightmare of all nightmares of losing losing a son, David, in the army. What's her אני? What's what what has what became her אני עצמי that she knows she needs to do this in the world? The most incredible incredible tefilah on Rosh Chodesh Nisan that still goes on till today. And it and and it's not just a tefilah, it's become a day of learning. I saw and and when she started doing this, I saw a person that knew exactly with all the pain that comes with it exactly what it needs to do. It's a שכינה type of experience of living in this world. When you have something and a nebech, none of us should ever come to the have to come to this clarity due to pain and loss. The whole the whole secret is to come to this clarity out of out of joy and out of excitement. So I just, when I read these words, I just, I don't know, I I I think of her very strongly. I think of her and her family quite often and she's part of our learning forever. So yishar koach to Daniel, Yashar koach to Esti. Never thought I'd say this, but Yashar koach to YouTube, because that really was the that's how it happened. לכן, third line in the third paragraph, אור השכינה המאיר בפנימיות הנשמות הוא גדול מאוד, understand something, the light of the Shechinah, it's not anymore something foreign that took place thousands of years ago. It's happening in real time right now through the souls that are alive now. And you see it clearest, I'm not saying only, but you see it clearest in Eretz Yisrael. I don't want to say only, what do I know? It just seems that you see it clearest in the headquarters of the Shechinah, which is here, in Eretz Yisrael. לכן אור השכינה המאיר בפנימיות הנשמות הוא גדול מאוד. This light of the Shechinah is very big. והמאוויים העמוקים, the deep longings, החבויים בסתרי הלבבות של נפשות דורינו, that are hidden in the deepest depths of the of the hearts of the souls of this generation, הם מאוויים כבירים. מאוויים, it means the the real wantings, the longings. They're big stuff. People want big stuff. בקשות גדולות מאוד. People aren't happy with small things, they're people demand, they really want big things. חלומות של קודש, dreams of holiness, ורצונות איתנים, and strong wills and desires, של נשמות רעננות ומתחדשות, of fresh and renewed souls. כל השפע הזה טמון בעומק הפוטנציאל הפנימי. All this abundant lies and rest in the depth of this inner potential. והוא דוחק ומבקש להיגלות לאור העולם. And it's crying out to be revealed into the world. If you don't feel satisfied with your good life, you're not crazy at all. I personally can't connect to anyone that tells me what are you kvetching about? There's more shefa today than there ever was before. There's more abundance today than there ever was before. Do you know what your grand how your grandparents lived? You should know that dibbur is coming from the other side. Why? בדיוק, מה זה קשור to what this דור is all about? Abundance, חומרי, material abundance has nothing to do with answering what the נשמות of this דור are all about. It's clear, the people that have less are much more in tune with their אני. We know this. You've seen this. But if anyone comes and tells you, "Why would you why are you kvetching? You know what your grandmother went through?" Those those are that לשון is honestly is a מרחיק את הדור את הנשמות של הדור. It it it distances people away. Why? Because that's nothing to do with the issue at hand. Nothing. It's something so much we want something so much more. So yes, the fact that I have on a material level, maybe I have everything, maybe I have more than everything, maybe I have more than any generation had before me, אני לא המשוגע היחידי. I'm not the only משוגע that feels that. What's wrong with me? I have everything. There's nothing wrong with you. You're actually very healthy. Your soul is asking for much bigger things than ever was before. It's not asking for more חומר. It's not asking for more material. Your soul is asking for something big. So if you have an inner hunger in your heart for something big, and people come to you and say, "You have everything, look, you're blessed with a husband, you're blessed with healthy children." You don't deny that that the blessing, and the heart is filled with gratitude. But you want something not more than that, it's not something that you want more than that. You want to live in a world where those blessings of a family, or of a kehillah, or of an Eretz Yisrael can appear במלוא אורן in its full light, in its healthiest state. So wanting more you're not what what's the word you'd say for someone that just always wants more? You're not a חזיר. הפוך. You're not a חזיר, you're not you're not you're not a how would you say it in English when you greedy? You could see maybe greedy, but there's ungrateful. You're not yeah, this is important word. It's not that you're ungrateful. This is a very important. It's not that you're ungrateful, it's just that you happen to be aware that you're part of the דור that you're actually part of. And anyone that comes and tries to pull this ungrateful trip on you, they themselves haven't tasted their own נשמות for a second, 'cause if they did, they'd understand how much more every soul of this דור wants. And I hope I'm clear. The distinction is very important. Was it clear enough or do we have to repeat it? It's clear? יפה. Be'ezrat Hashem we should have a lot of hatzlacha continuing with the sefer.