Latest / Brunch with Brittany / Boy Crazy & Broken Bonds: The Impact of Prioritizing Men Over Friendships

Transcript

Boy Crazy & Broken Bonds: The Impact of Prioritizing Men Over Friendships · Brunch with Brittany

• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Welcome back.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: It's Brunch with Brittany, my podcast.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Grab your drink and it doesn't have to be alcohol.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: As you know, we are healthy over here.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: We are doing what's best for us.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: As you know, we are healthy over here.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: We are doing what's best for us.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Sometimes that's a mimosa and sometimes it's a bottle of water.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Lately it's been water for me.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: I've been feeling like I love my drinks, but during the day day drinking it's like if I'm not going hard, I got to just chill.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: So get your water or whatever it is that you like to drink, even if it's coffee.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: And let's, let's chat, let's chat on this episode.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: So how are you?
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: How's everything going?
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Are you good?
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: Are you going crazy, like me?
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: Because I'm kind of going crazy For the last what two days I broke a glass right by my bed and I haven't cleaned it.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: It's just right there by my bed, shattered glass, just trying to show you how crazy and hectic it's been that I haven't been able to tend to that.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but my sheets are clean, so that's good.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: So this episode I was thinking I wanted to talk to the girls.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: I got to talk to us girls.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: We got to huddle.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: Get in here, boy, crazy girls.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: Some of you are here today with me and I'm going to hold your hand through this episode.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: Okay, the boy crazy girls.
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: If you don't know what that means, it is the girl that completely prioritizes and chooses the guy over their female friendships.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, that is their number one focus.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: These kind of girls are the girls that, let's say, you go out, right, you go, it's a girl's night.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: You all go out for drinks and you know you're going to have a good time.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: You know it's girl bonding time.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: Let's have some drinks maybe get some free ones, you know, depending on on how the night is and then one of the girls meets a cute boy at the bar or wherever you are.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Cute boy comes along and next thing, you know you can't find your girl.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: She's gone, she's gone.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Maybe she told you she was leaving, maybe she didn't, she probably didn't.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: But next thing, you know you can't find her, she's a goner.
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: And then she tells you oh, I'm going to go, I'm going to go home with him.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Wrong move.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: Never go home with a guy on the first date.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: It's not even a date, notice.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: I said the first day okay, because if you meet a guy out at the bar, you should not be going home with him that night.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: Okay, I don't care how much fun you want to have, trust me, it's not worth it.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: It go to dinner first.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: If you're gonna be like that, okay, at least do that.
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: At least do that, because then you'll find out if he has a car.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: You don't want to be meeting that guy at the bar and then you later on find out after, after you went to his place and he was staying at his friend's place.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: It it's not even his end up on a couch.
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: I'm not speaking from experience.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: I'm speaking from stories I've heard and I just don't want more of us women, more of those girls I should say us.
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: I really am not in that group, but just I don't want that for us, for any of us.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: That's why I said this is a girl's girl podcast, which is why I'm like these boy crazy girls.
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: Look, I can't.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's your job to change them.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: And if you are that girl listening, maybe you didn't even know if these examples are something you've done.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: You're a boy crazy girl and it's good to acknowledge that.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: I don't think everyone's aware.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: I don't think everyone's aware.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: I don't think everyone's aware A boy crazy girl is the kind of girl that will embarrass you around other men for attention, to make you look like less than her, to make you look like the one that they shouldn't want.
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: Right, like they'll, you know, say something like oh, that was so dumb of you to say that, right, they'll make you sound dumb, make you feel dumb, you know, ignore you when you're talking.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Don't even have you ever had that.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: Oh, I've experienced this and I know some girls have too where, like there's a guy in the conversation maybe you're all three talking and she you're talking and she wants nothing to do with it.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Right, like she starts talking over you, she's all focused in on him, you no longer matter.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: That is a boy, crazy girl.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: Um, they'll make fun of your outfit in front of the men.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: Like that's a girl again, who's trying to make you seem like less, so that she can seem like the, like the one in the group, that that the boys need to want and it's important to them.
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: These are the kind of girls where that, that is what makes them feel valued.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: Is that male validation, you know?
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: And I think that it's.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: It's one of those things where it's like I get it when you want that guy's attention, but at what cost?
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: Right, and why?
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: Why are you putting in so much effort and work?
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: You think about that, and that's the problem with a boy crazy girl is that they will do anything to get whatever kind of male validation.
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: That is, whether it's you know a phone number, whether it's just to get them looking in their direction, like that is the most important thing to them.
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: I remember this was when I was in college.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: I remember I had a girlfriend who I loved her.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: Okay, we became so close besties, all right.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: Um, she was quirky, she was fun, funny, um, a little older than me.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: Well, I was like this with her.
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: Okay, locked in you can, if you're not watching my podcast right now on YouTube, I got my fingers crossed.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: We were locked in.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: Like I was like this is going to be my sister for life.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's what I was looking for in college.
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: That's what I'm always looking for A sister.
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: More than a friend, I want a sister.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Uh, so she was.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: We were close and, um, I remember a guy coming into our life.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Uh, we were actually living together.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: I have to add that detail because it made a difference.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: So we were living together and I remember she started dating this guy and he was always coming over, right, and I, me being like I want my girls to be happy.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: I never had an issue with it until our bills started to go up.
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: Like there was a noticeable difference in the bills from him being over so much showering, using the electricity, cooking whatever the heck he was doing in there.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: Okay, my little college budget.
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: I felt it All right.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: I was eating 99 cent cheeseburgers twice a day to survive in college, all right.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: So it made a difference in my pocket.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: So I remember bringing it up to her and being like, hey, can you just ask him to throw in?
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Throw in some money, because he's always here and I don't mind it.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: I'm never like annoyed that he's here, but I am annoyed that he's a man and he's not pitching in and he's here too much.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: So she asked him.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: I wasn't there for that conversation, but she asked him and then he's like he throws.
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: I'm not even kidding.
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: The next time I see him he says he says something to me like oh, yeah, here, you know that's for.
• 7:53
  Speaker 1: For my part, gives me some cash.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: I open it up and it's gotta be.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: I I remember $15, but it could have been 10.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: Okay, and I was like, no, he did not.
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: He, this was like two to three months.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: In that I started to ask for him to pay, okay, so, mind you, right.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: So the $15 was just the audacity.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: Well, that caused a rift.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: He no longer liked me after that.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: Naturally, I called him out on it.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: No longer liked me.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: So then she started to go and like she no longer like her loyalty to me as a friend who was there for her Day.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: One all of a sudden was like Brit, he doesn't like you, you're out, right.
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: So we weren't we?
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: There was a whole bunch of drama that went down after that, but then I remember they lasted three months, right, three months.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: Three, four, no, four months.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: They lasted no more than four months.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: It went about three and a half months before like they officially broke up.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: But I just remember that moment and I'm like man, I thought we were locked in and this guy comes and he shakes us up.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: You're no longer the same friend to me.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: You know, and that was just.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: That was an example of a boy, crazy girl where, even though you may have this close bond with her, once a male enters the room, once a male enters her atmosphere, oh no, throw that friendship out the window.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: It's no longer important to her, important to that person.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: So that's something that I hate to see and again, I feel like I can't.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: When a girl is boy crazy, it takes time, energy and a lot of self-worth to break that mentality.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: Where you're like, everything you do is for the male gaze.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: You know, and, being a woman, that's definitely something that's always been taught to us since we were little.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: You know, know through every form, open your eyes.
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: You know, we've always been taught to like.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: It's always about would a man like this?
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: And what kind of body does the man like, right?
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: Does he like a big butt?
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: So then the girls go get the BBLs right.
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: That's why the girls are getting BBLs.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: It's for the guys Okay, you're not going to tell me that that is just for us girls.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: And not when they're so unnatural looking Cause, why?
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: Why?
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: I think there's very few women that are doing that for themselves.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: Okay, um, same thing with anything like.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: Again, the way you dress, it's, it's always for like, and I even dress today with a little cleavage showing, but I felt like being cute.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: And this is not for the men, this is for me this really is.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: But I think it's important to still be sexy, feel sexy.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: Just not always think that it has to be sexy to be, to be wanted by a man, because being wanted by a man is low effort, it doesn't take much.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: You ever been at the grocery store looking raggedy, trying to pick up some rice-a-roni and there's a guy trying to hit on you?
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: You have no makeup, your hair's in a bun, you feel horrible, and there he is hitting on you.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: And I know I have some girlfriends that are like well, I think that's a compliment.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: Well, honey, I don't.
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: I think that means he'll pick up anything.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, because you didn't put any effort into yourself.
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: So imagine you when you get dressed up.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: You look all good and he's cheating on you with a girl that looks like she didn't try.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: But there you are trying.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: It means something in the beginning.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: You got to be presentable and that's why it's important also to be presentable always If you're looking for a man, if you are.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: If you're not, then who cares?
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: Right again.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: But I do think that there's more value to dressing up, dressing nice, than just getting the male attention right.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: It makes you feel more confident it makes you.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: When you are more confident, you will make better decisions.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: You will be more in control of your life.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: So there's a lot of benefits for yourself in dressing up and dressing sexy, right, and feeling that confidence.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: But when you're just doing it for a man and thinking that, oh well, if I want his attention, I have to wear the little mini skirts and I have to, you know, wear my cleavage is all out.
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: I was that girl doing that too, you know.
• 12:23
  Speaker 1: But then I realized like it's the wrong kind of attention.
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: It really is.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: It brings in the dusties, it brings in the dusties, it brings in the dusties.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: So you got to be careful about why you're dressing sexy and who you're attracting when you're dressing sexy like that you know who's and this is a might be a.
• 12:43
  Speaker 1: Okay, let me walk you through it.
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: What I really liked about Cardi B and Offset's relationship was when they were on a high together, on a good note, right, they would go out together and there was videos of them where, like, cardi B would just be dancing all over Offset shaking her romper, doing her thing, being nasty out in public, okay, like I remember one time she had like a thong with her dress like lifted or something, and she's like dancing on him, putting it on him.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: Mind you, this is after the ring, this is after the ring.
• 13:19
  Speaker 1: I should have pointed that out, right, this is after they're married.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: And I felt like, see, that's how I would do a relationship, not like that, like I need to have my thong out or anything like that.
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: But I'm'm just saying, like, if I'm going to be nasty or dress very provocative, I should say that if I'm going to be dressed provocatively, I want to be already in that relationship, because then I've already attracted the man.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: I'm already with the man that I want to be with, right, I'm not dressing to find him, I already found him at that point, the ring, right.
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: So who cares?
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Dress sexy, that's for your man and hopefully he's, you know, confident.
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: He loves that you feel confident, you feel sexy and that you should feel protected while you're dressed sexy, because that's the other thing you know, like dressing sexy, too sexy, by yourself.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: It's a scary world out there with men Like you know, you kind of, you put yourself in danger.
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: I've seen videos of women walking alone at night in skirts and, unfortunately, things, things went, and I am not blaming the girls by any means.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: That's not what I'm saying.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying that that's how dangerous it is and that's you can make it easier.
• 14:27
  Speaker 1: Even it's crazy.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: So what I'm saying is that for me, I thought that was like a really good way, for if you're going to be that sexy girl, do it after you have the ring.
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: But I am not saying don't be sexy.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: That's not what I'm saying.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: I'm just be careful with it, be mindful with it.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: Again, if you're having to wear you know what I really want to go away, that I've been wanting to go away for a long time, is those outfits that they're like mesh.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: It's like a one-piece bodysuit, right, and they're mesh and they got a lot of holes in them, in the front and on the sides.
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: Can't wear underwear with them.
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: You can only wear boob tape, can't wear a bra.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: Okay, those outfits right there, those to me girls, they look so good on you that they look so good on you, right, you look very sexy.
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: The problem is you're giving free sexiness like that, like it's close to OnlyFans.
• 15:27
  Speaker 1: Let's be real.
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: It's close to OnlyFans and you are putting that on the internet and giving that out for free.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: For free, you know.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: You know when you do that, you don't think about it.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: These men, I'm not even kidding you.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: Ask any guy.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: If you are next to a guy right now, ask him to look I'm about to get.
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: Ask him to look at his for you page.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: Just look at his for you page, that's it Just.
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: You don't even have to scroll, just open it.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: If he'll let you tell me what you see, I really want you to take this survey with me and then I want you to comment under the video, wherever you see this comment, what did you see on his explore page?
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: Because I can guarantee you, one of the first main things you're going to notice is nothing but girls.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: It's going to be all females models, either in their bathing suits, in lingerie or thongs or in that mesh outfit I was telling you about lingerie or thongs or in that mesh outfit I was telling you about.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: So when a man opens his phone first thing in the morning, a lot of that is what he sees in the first part of the morning, like that is a lot of sexual content.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: Think about that.
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: It's like desensitizing them.
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: It's not good for them.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: To them, they're like oh, this is great, you know them.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: To them.
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: They're like, oh, this is great, you know, but if, if they really thought about it, it's too much.
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: It's too much too easily and too easy for them to get it.
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying you didn't make them chase it, you didn't make them work for it.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: You're showing most of your body, you're on all four, you're doing a photo shoot and and I know like I again I've been that girl like doing that kind of photo shoot, feeling good about myself, thinking like, oh, I'm empowered, I can post this and I'll feel good about it.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: Whole time, though, the men are looking at it, like you know, with these eyes of like, no, that's not empowered, they're, they don't.
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: They don't look at you as empowered.
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: They look at you as like, look at this piece of meat that I need to take a bite out of and I just want to try it, and it's just a meal.
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: How long does a meal last?
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: You?
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Until the what?
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Until the next meal?
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: Are you that next meal?
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: Because there's so much food out there we're still talking about food here and meals right from different women.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: So where is that longevity right?
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: And that's what you want.
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: If you are so male centered, you should want that longevity, that long-term guy.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: You don't want that very temporary.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: This was just a sexual thing, and now you find out that he really is a loser.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: You found out that you've given your body to someone who doesn't have a job, maybe doesn't have a car, maybe has an addiction.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: You don't know this man, you don't know this man.
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: You don't know this man.
• 18:34
  Speaker 1: So it's important that's why to take the time, because in this day and age, the way dating is, it's completely different.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: Like I remember, in college, I had the best dating experiences.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: Everybody would be like not everybody, but a lot of people would say, oh, dating so bad.
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: I would have so many great dates, great convo.
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: Uh, they never made me pay.
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: I never, I never, no, never, never, wanted a date where they wanted to do 50, 50 or make me pay, okay.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: So I was experiencing that and I would really like getting to know the guys.
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: I was in college, college, they were all college guys.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: So I knew they had a future, I knew they were headed towards something.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: But you know, so that was fun and then you were only really finding people like, if you went to the parties, you went out, you had to go outside to meet somebody.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: Now it's completely different.
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: You know they have it right in their hands.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: Completely different.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: You know they have it right in their their hands, so having any option that they want in their hands on those apps.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: The dating apps are horrible girls.
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: If you're on it, you cannot be seriously looking for a partner on there, and I get this.
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: Some of you are in your chapter, your era of just having a good time.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: That is a big risk right now, whereas maybe before that wasn't.
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: And why I say it's a risk now is because the laws have changed a lot about being able to go to Planned Parenthood and take care of an accident.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: I'll say that right.
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: So you are really putting yourself at risk right now to just be having casual sex with someone you know, especially if you have goals and you want a career that will really set you back.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: It doesn't make it impossible.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: If you're listening to this and you're like, well, I already have kids and I.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: That's exactly what happened to me.
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: It is not over for you.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: It is not.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: I'm talking to the girls that haven't gone through that and shouldn't, because let's be real with each other.
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: If you're that girl, did it make it easier for you?
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: Did it make you more financially secure to have that baby unplanned?
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: Did you continue on chasing your career after that?
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: And some of you may answer yes to that and that's great, but did it make it easier?
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: And that's what I want for us ultimately, girls, is to not make it harder for us to live in this already difficult world, right, so that comes with.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: Again, if you're boy crazy, you're going to fall in that trap.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: You know I mentioned this before.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: But at the same time, to stop giving these men babies before the ring.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: Stop doing that.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: You're really putting yourself in a situation that maybe, long term, you're probably not going to be very happy with.
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: And again, that's why I said this is a girl's girl podcast, because we need to hear the hard truths.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, we got to protect ourselves.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: We got to look out for us.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: Number one meaning that, like, take care of yourself, make sure that if you're dating or if you're with a guy, you're secure with him.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: You know you're not giving a baby to a man that's a cheater, because, girl, you're going to go through it.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: And is that how you want to be during your pregnancy Always upset, screaming, arguing, stress on the baby.
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: You don't want that and that's why I'm telling you that if you are around the boy crazy girls, you are going to be let down as a friend.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: But also, if you are that boy crazy girl, I need you to self-correct.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: I need you to read some books, follow some therapists, some dating experts, some dating coaches.
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: I've been doing that over the years and really just kind of making sure that right now I'm working on myself.
• 22:26
  Speaker 1: That's my main goal, my main priority, and I've got, I feel, so much more to do, you know, and I can't do it with kids.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: I couldn't do all of this with kids.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: There's no way, not, happily, me myself.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: I am speaking to the girls that love it, love motherhood, love that for you.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: I'm not that girl and it's not for me, it's simply not for me.
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: So I do feel like, yeah, de-centering I want to say de-centering men, which I could do a whole nother episode on, and I will.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: But as far as friendships go, it has to come to that you got to realize that if you're in a circle with any of those type of girls, understand where their place is in your life and that they're not forever, because as soon as they and as soon as they get a boyfriend, they're going to be out.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: They no longer want that friendship with you.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: You're no longer needed in their life, right?
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: If you have that friend that you're only bonding with over bad dating stories and bad relationships, as soon as she gets in a relationship, she is going to be out.
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: She doesn't want to hear your problems anymore.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: She got her man.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, like this, you were just, you were just a placeholder until she could get that man and a real friend, a good friend, a girl's girlfriend, is never going to leave you because a man comes in to the room or into her life.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: That's just not going to happen.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: She's going to keep you right in the same position.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: She's going to make sure he knows that you are her best friend, are in her circle and and that she wants you there and that he's gotta get along with you.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: I know a lot of girls your best friend don't get along with your man whoo, I've been there on both sides right, either.
• 24:23
  Speaker 1: You are the girl that the the guy hates, right, because you're always telling your girl the truth and she needs to leave him, which I don't know that we.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: I've started to ask my friends like do you want my advice or do you just want me to listen?
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: Because you can drive yourself crazy and mentally exhaust yourself trying to convince this girl to leave a man that she's not ready to leave.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, everybody's on their own timing and you gotta.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: You gotta again meet the girls where they're at.
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: If she is not really ready to leave that man, let her vent to you.
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: Be that good friend that just listens.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: You know she's going to cry to you.
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: You gotta to just take that.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: And if she really is bringing a good, valuable friendship to your life, then you'll be okay with that and you'll understand.
• 25:17
  Speaker 1: All right, it's not my place to tell her Now.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: She might ask you what do you think?
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: Then you can tell her, but you're not.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: It's not your job to tell her again and again.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: It's not your job to correct her.
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: Everybody's got their chapter, their era, their era.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: You know Sometimes it's their.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: You know their tonta era.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: In Spanish, tonta is like your dummy, you're not thinking straight and men will have you like that.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: So what was I saying about?
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so those kind of girls like you cannot the friendship.
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: You got to know what it is right and then you don't want to get in between their relationship Because, let me tell you, she's going to come to you complaining, and we all do this, right.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: We go to our best friends or our friends.
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: We complain about the guy.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: Well, now they hate him, now they can't stand him because they know that he cheated on you, they know that he, you know, spoke to you crazy.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: They know that he put his hands on you.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: And how could they like him?
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: You have painted, not you, but you telling them, they see it for what it is right and they're an outsider and they're not the one sleeping with him, like you are right.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: So they don't have no attachment to him.
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: That's why you're attaching him.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: Also because you're.
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: You know you're thinking about sleeping, the sleeping with him part.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: So I'm losing my thought.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: But I'm here because there's just so much on this subject.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: You know there's so many angles to go with it, but I just can't do it anymore.
• 26:55
  Speaker 1: So for me, yeah, listening to the girls, not giving my advice unless asked, and then after that it's like that's on you.
• 27:01
  Speaker 1: You know I'm going to go do my thing.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: I want to go flourish.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: I cannot be here to save you.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: You got to know when to save the girlfriend and when you just got to let them sink.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: But they can swim, knowing they can swim.
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'm not saying you just leave your girl Although some girls if they're a lost cause, you need to know that there are girls that will put you in situations, girlfriends that will put you in situations that aren't good for you but good for them in that moment and that you need to separate yourself from.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: That's not a good friend.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: Again, not a good friend.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: So it's important if you're a boy crazy, I, you're gonna end up with one of the worst men you will, because your validation comes from a man telling you that you are valuable.
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: You ever hear those women and I've heard, um, women with more years on them and young women who get married and then they shame the girl that's not married.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: Well, well, you ain't never had a ring on your finger.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: You've never had a ring on your finger.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: You've never had a man propose to you, you've never had a husband.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: And that to them is like but I did, I got the ring, I've been married before.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: And to them, that's how they try to make other women feel less than feel devalued.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: And every time I've heard it because I watch the Real Housewives and I follow these women and they all have their own real lives of relationships and marriages and divorces and they'll say things like that and I'm like even to that age, women are still feeling like your value.
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: One of the ways to show your value, one of the biggest ways, is if a man chose you.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: If a man gave you a ring, and every time that I've heard that, I'm like why are you?
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: Why is it so important?
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: Why does that make you like, ha ha, you are, you are an amazing woman.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: A man chose you and instead of giving yourself the value in other ways because I am all for a partner, I am not by any means saying you don't need a man.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: I do think that we need partners, I think we need love, all of that but it's got to come in a healthy way, in a way that's good for you and good for him, not just all good for him.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: Or you know, not just I'm nothing until I have this person Right.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: You know they.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: I'm so such a firm believer that you really got to be whole by yourself, not first, but it's important to be whole Right, because you do learn along the way from dating.
• 29:44
  Speaker 1: You know people are like this is my other half and I do think that's beautiful, but I also I'm like is that?
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: Why look at it like you were missing half of you?
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: Why not be your whole self and a man be his whole self, and you can come together and compliment each other still and it's still be a great person for you, without feeling like without this person I I'm, I'm nothing, I'm not whole, I'm not full, you know, I just don't I.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: That's another like to me, something we need to break a train of thought, a way of being, a way of thinking.
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: A train of thought, a way of being, a way of thinking it's not.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: You give yourself the value you truly do.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: And when you date men or allow men to give you the bare minimum right, the guy who hasn't taken you on a date yet but wants to come over, ew, ew, and some of you, you know, got some alcohol in your system it's like okay.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: That's why it's important Don't be getting litty on dates.
• 30:55
  Speaker 1: Don't do it.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: Your inhibition goes down, girl, and the legs go up.
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: You don't want that.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: Don't fall for it.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: It's a trick.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: Two drinks maximum on a first date.
• 31:08
  Speaker 1: Two drinks, okay, okay, and drink water in between and before, because if you have a third, you better have had some water, at least two glasses of water, maybe three, but you could always go above that.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying this is how you'll end up with a dusty If you rush it, if you don't value yourself and you wait for the man to tell you I chose you.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: Well, why aren't you also choosing the man, though, and don't just choose him based off of his looks?
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: Okay, that to me, like cute is only cute for so long.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: You know they say like men will say women, you know, your beauty fades.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: The men who say that, not for me, my beauty never fades because I stay beautiful.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: I will stay beautiful even in my old age, with my silver hair and some wrinkles, because I will get Botox.
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: I am going to be that viejita with, like you know, she's got younger skin in her face, and hopefully they get the neck by then.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: By the time I'm that age, you know I'm gonna be doing everything to look younger, but I'm still gonna be beautiful even in my old age.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: So when men tell you, oh, you, you know, women not only devalue, but they're they just.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: They'll say beauty fades.
• 32:31
  Speaker 1: If you think beauty fades.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: That's a problem for me, that's a problem for you when men say that, because I've even heard um, I remember, like years ago I went on a date with a guy and he was like, oh, when men get older, you know, we get more distinguished, we get more handsome.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: You know that's not the same for women.
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: And I'm looking at him like I'm gonna be a baddie when I get older.
• 32:53
  Speaker 1: Sir, don't tell me what I'm gonna look like or that I'm not gonna be.
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: You know hot, going to be a baddie when I get older.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: Sir, don't tell me what I'm going to look like or that I'm not going to be.
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: You know hot enough to bag a guy.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: If I'm single in my 60s, 70s and 80s, I am going to be dating and have plenty of men at my feet.
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: I'm not worried about that.
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: You can't.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: Don't let them trick you into thinking that you only have this short window of being wanted.
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: I had another guy try to tell me that, oh, you know, you're in your late 20s.
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: You know, get into your 30s, you're not going to be as sought after.
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: And I'm laughing because I'm like, please, please.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: But I think that was his way of trying to make me feel like I needed to.
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: That's why I needed to commit to him.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: That's why I needed to just be in a relationship with him, because I had.
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: He was making me feel like I have a small window and no one else is going to want me.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: They will say things I'm telling you it's, it's crazy.
• 33:50
  Speaker 1: And then you see, if you haven't, they have the Golden Bachelorette.
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: It's a new show.
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: They did it with a guy before.
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: It was like a guy in his 70s, okay, I think his name was Gary or Jerry, anyway, it was a 70-year-old guy.
• 34:04
  Speaker 1: And then it was like 15 to 20 women from their 50s to 70s, or 60s to 70s, something like that, but they were all still trying to find love in their 60s, right?
• 34:15
  Speaker 1: And these women, okay, beautiful, took care of themselves, great hair, great bodies, fit In shape, healthy, you know like just baddies.
• 34:29
  Speaker 1: Okay, in their 60s and 70s, still looking for love.
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: Some of them were widowed, you know.
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: I think that most of them were.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: And now they have the show again, and this time it's going to be a golden bachelorette.
• 34:42
  Speaker 1: This woman is in her 60s, I believe, and then it's going to be.
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: It's a bunch of men in their 60s and 70s and I hope they're all widowed, because why Let me not judge, let me not judge, I'm just saying if you haven't been married by the time you're close to 70, I think that's a red flag for a man.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: That's a red flag because why haven't you been able to commit, why haven't you found at least one woman to marry, you know, but anyway.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: So these people are in their 60s and 70s and still dating and still trying to find love.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: Like you have to know that that might be an option, that might be something.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: You know, and I know that sounds scary, that sounds like, oh, I don't want to be in my 60s and 70s and still single.
• 35:25
  Speaker 1: Of course not.
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: But you don't have to be afraid and feel less than if you ended up like that, because I'm telling you, these women are still successful, they live great lives.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: Like that, because I'm telling you, these women are still successful, they live great lives.
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: They just want a partner.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: And that's why and a lot of them were like I did find my partner but he died.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: Oof, oof.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: That's rough, that is rough, but that is also life, right.
• 35:50
  Speaker 1: But the last thing I will wait till my last breath before I settle, okay, and I think that that's the attitude that you got to have in this day and age, because it's just too easy for men to have access to women, to get bored of women quickly.
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: Okay, they might think you're hot and sexy today, tomorrow they're focused on the next girl because she's also hot and sexy.
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: It is so in their hands, like I said, literally in their hands.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: Just too much.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: It's too much and honestly, I do think it's affected men negatively when it comes to dating and seeing women as something as long-term and not disposable too right, oh, it didn't work out with this girl, I'll find another girl.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: It's a horrible like.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: We men really right now have the upper hand and that's just the truth.
• 36:41
  Speaker 1: That really is reality, is what I should.
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: It's reality and that's why you got to.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: You have to protect yourself, protect your energy, protect your mental, protect your body, you know.
• 36:51
  Speaker 1: That's why I'm saying don't give your body away like that, because it's so so many women are doing that that the men are no longer seeing the value of being in a monogamous relationship, of being with a great woman.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: I know so many great women successful, beautiful, independent, you know, take care of themselves and they're single and I'm looking at them like how, how are you single?
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: If, if I was a man, I would, I would ask you to marry me.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: Like, literally, I know women like that that I've thought if I was a man I'd totally want to marry her.
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: She has everything together, she is, and a respectable woman, gorgeous and fun.
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: These girls are also fun.
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: These aren't girls that are like you know, have no personality.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: So when I I run into so many women having the same issue, I've got to think this plays a part in it, you know, and the girls that are like oh well, you know, I had a good conversation with him, I had a good date with him.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: And then you go and you sleep with him that night.
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: And you go and you sleep with him that night, and then the next day or the couple days after, the communication slows down.
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: The texting is not, as you know, the good morning text go away.
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: The charm no longer there.
• 38:10
  Speaker 1: You're no longer knowing where you stand with this guy.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: You can prevent yourself from those lows, because those do feel low, girl, and you know it.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: You know it.
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: When you wake up the next day and you're laying in bed and you're like I gave him all of that.
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: I gave him all of that and what do I get?
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: This dusty t-shirt that he let me wear the next day because I didn't have clothes and you got to give that T-shirt back.
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: Make it make sense, okay.
• 38:43
  Speaker 1: So I think that be careful with that.
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: Be mindful of that.
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: Move with intention, girls.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: This is it.
• 38:54
  Speaker 1: This is the time to do it.
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: This is the time to do it.
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: This is the time to do it so you don't end up in a situation where you are putting yourself like to be set up to fail, set up to do bad.
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: I don't want to see my girls down doing bad.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 39:12
  Speaker 1: We have too many resources, too much knowledge now, too much more freedom now, before it gets taken away, be careful with that.
• 39:22
  Speaker 1: Go to the polls.
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: We need a vote.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: Our reproductive rights are on the line.
• 39:27
  Speaker 1: You care about women.
• 39:29
  Speaker 1: You'll care about that If you're a man listening.
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: It is important to us women and you need to be voting for that, for women.
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: Otherwise, I don't think you should date those kind of men that don't care about women's rights and women's bodies.
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: Do you even know how he feels about that?
• 39:49
  Speaker 1: Before you slept with him, you could be sleeping with a man who, literally, is voting to take away all of those rights from you to be able to decide for yourself for you to even.
• 40:02
  Speaker 1: I want to.
• 40:06
  Speaker 1: I want to say this correctly.
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: I'm just saying you need to know who you're sleeping with before you're sleeping with them.
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: Take care of yourself.
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: This is the Brunch with Brittany podcast.
• 40:21
  Speaker 1: I'm so glad you're here with me today.
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: Did we hydrate?
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: I haven't even drank some water.
• 40:26
  Speaker 1: Drink some water.
• 40:27
  Speaker 1: Go, stretch and decenter that man.
• 40:30
  Speaker 1: Okay, stop being so boy crazy.
• 40:33
  Speaker 1: Get it together, sis.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: We got a lot of work to do.
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: Stay a baddie forever like me.
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: I'm Brittany Gonzalez.
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: Make sure you are following Brunch with Brittany.
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: It's on YouTube.
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: It's on the iHeartRadio app.
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: I'm on Spotify, apple Podcasts Subscribe.
• 40:53
  Speaker 1: Share this episode with someone who is boy crazy.
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: Share it with someone who needs to hear this message.
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: But I I'm saying this with love.
• 41:02
  Speaker 1: Remember I was holding your hand, holding your hand through this conversation, because it's not easy.
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: It's not easy saying it out loud, saying the hard part out loud, but, uh, again, I want the best for us.
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: So make sure you're following and share this episode.
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: I love you.
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: I love you.
• 41:18
  Speaker 1: Thanks for hanging out with me.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: It's brunch with Brittany.
• 41:20
  Speaker 1: I'm out.