Latest / Work-Life Balance with Fexingo: Boundaries, Time Management, and Avoiding Career Overload / The No Thank You List That Saved My Energy
Transcript
- Lucas: So last week I started keeping something I'm calling a 'No Thank You List'—and honestly, it's been more useful than my actual to-do list. Luna: A what now? Like a list of things you're deliberately not doing? Lucas: Exactly. It's a reverse to-do list. Every time I get a request that isn't essential—a fifteen-minute sync, a 'quick look' at a deck, a low-priority email chain—I add it to the list instead of saying yes. Luna: And that helps because... you track what you're avoiding? Lucas: It helps because it makes the cost visible. Most of us say yes to small things without thinking—and those small things add up to hours a week. When you write them down, you realise how much energy you're giving away for free. Luna: I'm thinking about my own week. I had three separate fifteen-minute 'alignment' calls that probably could have been emails. That's forty-five minutes right there. Lucas: Right. And each of those calls also has a context-switch cost. You're not just losing fifteen minutes—you're losing the twenty minutes it takes to refocus on what you were doing. So one fifteen-minute call might cost you thirty-five minutes total. Luna: That's brutal. So the No Thank You List is basically a permission slip to decline those without guilt? Lucas: Yes, but it's more than that. It's a tool for seeing patterns. After a week, you can look back and say, 'Wow, I said no to five last-minute review requests. Maybe I need to set a deadline policy.' Or 'I declined three internal status meetings—maybe I can make that recurring decline official.' Luna: I love that. But I want to push on something: what if you're a junior employee? Saying no feels risky when you're the newest person on the team. Lucas: That's a fair point, and I think the answer is nuance. For junior folks, I'd suggest a 'Not Yet' list instead. You're not saying no forever—you're saying, 'I can't do this right now because I'm focused on X priority. Can we revisit next week?' Luna: So it's about framing. Instead of 'no', it's 'not now'. Lucas: Exactly. And the key is to tie it to a specific priority. If your manager asks you to jump on a last-minute call, you can say, 'I'm in the middle of the quarterly report analysis you asked for. Can I join late, or can we recap afterward?' That's not defiance—it's showing you're managing your time intentionally. Luna: That makes sense. And the manager probably respects that more than a yes with a half-baked output. Lucas: Exactly. Now, I want to share a specific example from my No Thank You List this week. I was invited to a one-hour 'alignment meeting' for a project I'm barely involved in. Normally I'd go out of politeness. But I asked myself: what's the actual value? I'd mostly listen and nod. So I declined, and instead spent that hour finishing a draft that had been sitting for three days. Luna: And did you follow up afterward? Lucas: I sent a one-line email: 'Sorry I couldn't make it—please share notes and I'll review async.' That took thirty seconds. The organizer sent a recap, I read it in five minutes, and I was fully up to speed without the meeting. That's the whole point. Luna: That's a great example. And honestly, it reminds me of something I've noticed: we overestimate how much others expect us to be at every meeting. Most organisers just want the input, not the presence. Lucas: Exactly. And your reputation doesn't suffer—if anything, it improves when people see you're intentional about where you spend your energy. You become known as someone who focuses, not someone who just shows up. Luna: That's a good note to end on. But before we wrap, I want to say something about this show itself. We keep it ad-free because we think that's the right call for a conversation like this—no sponsors, no product pitches, just the idea. And if that's valuable to you, there's a simple way to support it. Lucas: Yeah, and it's not a big ask—just a small token if the show has helped you think about your work life differently. You can find us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. That's all lowercase. And no pressure ever. Luna: Right. And it genuinely helps us keep doing this, one episode at a time. So thank you to anyone who chooses to do that. Now, back to the No Thank You List—I'm actually going to start one today. Lucas: I challenge everyone listening to try it for one week. Write down every request you say no to—or every request you want to say no to but haven't yet. At the end of the week, look at the list and ask yourself: what's the pattern? What can I change permanently? Luna: And if you're junior, start with the 'Not Yet' version. It's a way to protect your focus without burning bridges. Lucas: Exactly. Because in the end, boundaries aren't about being difficult—they're about being effective. And a No Thank You List is one of the simplest ways to start. Luna: Alright, I'm convinced. Let's see how my list looks by next week. Thanks, Lucas. Lucas: Thanks, Luna. And to our listeners—good luck with your lists. We'll talk soon.