Latest / The Andrew Mychal Podcast / E6 | Wild Horses Run Through the Storm with Paul Stibich

Transcript

E6 | Wild Horses Run Through the Storm with Paul Stibich · The Andrew Mychal Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: A quick note before we begin, the Andrew Michael Podcast is a space for people to share their personal stories and lived experiences.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not a doctor, therapist, licensed health professional, or coach.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_01: And nothing shared here should be considered medical, mental health, or professional advice.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: Some content may not be appropriate for children.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_01: Listener discretion is advised.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_02: I was diagnosed as a type 2 diabetic, and it really flipped my world thinking about life and leaving people that you love behind early.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't want to do that.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_02: And I really started getting into how do I create my best self to be here long term for my loved ones.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_02: I saw the way that you were when you came back into town after going through this four-year journey.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, that man is a pillar of calmness.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: He is completely different.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: We all have stories that shape who we became.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: Some we understand, some we still carry, and some we don't even recognize until another person helps us see them differently.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Andrew Michael, and this is the Andrew Michael Podcast.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: Honest conversations about the experiences that shape us, the patterns we carry, and what becomes possible when we finally understand what's been driving us.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes hearing someone else's story is exactly what we need to better understand our own.
• 1:31
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes the people around us are teaching us without even realizing it.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: In this conversation, you'll hear how watching someone move through life with steadiness and love can quietly change the way you see yourself.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_01: You'll also hear what Paul has learned about marriage, fatherhood, friendship, handling stress, and taking better care of himself, and how over time we both ended up learning from each other.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: If there's someone in your life who's shown you another way to be, this conversation may help you see just how much these relationships can shape us.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: Let's dive in.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_01: This person let me sleep on his couch.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: He let me eat all of his food.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: He takes me on vacation with his wife and his kids, and he really helped me through some of the toughest times in my life.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: His name is Paul.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_01: Paul, welcome to the show.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: How are you feeling this morning?
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_02: Hey, well, first, thank you for having me.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_02: And uh I'm feeling fantastic.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_02: I'm here with you, which is always a pleasure.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_02: So thank you for having me again.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, you and I have known each other now for maybe 15 years.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_01: You remember when we first met?
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_02: Uh so my my best friend from high school married my wife, Sarah.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm sorry, my best friend from high school married my wife, Sarah.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_02: And um, you know, we ended up meeting at at the wedding, um, and then actually at the rehearsal dinner before that.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_02: And uh that's the first time that I I saw Sarah and and and met you as well.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_02: And that meant also I needed to get to know Andrew.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: I remember when we first met that first day, you had come from a golf outing and your face was beat red like a lobster.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember Sarah's family saying, Hey, that guy's really cute over there.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_01: And it took you till the end of the night, I think after I left to go up and talk to her.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: I couldn't ask for a better mate for my best friend, but in the beginning it was really hard for me.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I might be a tad territorial, and you were very different from anybody that anybody else she had ever introduced me to.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_01: What do you think made you so different that she picked you?
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_02: Because of the red face.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I was beat red that day, that's for sure.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I'm gonna say this is more about the lighting uh today, but um, anyone that knows me, I I I wear my heart on my sleeve.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_02: I'm pretty transparent about you know caring uh for others and and showing love and affection.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_02: But no, it it it took me a while to work up the courage to to talk to Sarah.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, after you left, but before she and her brother left, um I finally was able to to work it up, work up the courage to say hello to her and ask her a few questions.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I'm comfortable in my own skin.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_02: I've never been the jealous type.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_02: I I've always felt like, you know, seeing my parents have such a wonderful, loving, caring relationship, um, you know, that stability was an example that I've continued to carry with me long term with all my friendships and relationships, and of course, you know, my my marriage with uh with Sarah and our family.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_02: But it's I think having that confidence in yourself and and having those kind of examples that really set the tone for you for how you approach and appreciate the relationships that you want in your life.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_02: And so, you know, I was never the jealous type.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_02: And it wasn't about this as a competition.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_02: It's about, you know, how do we, you know, kind of help blend everyone together?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_02: Because, you know, that's what's most important.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_02: Life is short.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_02: We've had a lot of fun through the years and going on those family vacations, Andrew.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, our kids love having you.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_02: We love having you there.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_02: So you're your Uncle Andrew to our family.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, thank you for that.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, you spoke earlier about how you have a certain level of confidence.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_01: I will speak for myself.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: I saw that confidence and I responded with arrogance.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: I would say in the early days, I was felt very inferior to you because that confidence was so easy.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: For me, I spent a lot of my life being a chameleon, not really being confident in who I was.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_01: And being around you has really I've learned a lot from you.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_01: You're what I would call a very healthy, wise adult.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: And growing up, I didn't see a lot of people like you.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: And when you and Sarah first started dating, we had a 4th of July party, and your parents brought this book from your high school, which showed all of your accomplishments.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember thinking, why would his parents do that?
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_01: And now when I really thought about it, it was beautiful.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_01: Like your parents were proud of you.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: They were so proud of you that even in a group of strangers, they wanted to tell everybody about their son.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: And there was a part of me that couldn't relate to that, but it was very beautiful to see it.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_01: I think a lot of times we don't realize that the people around us are our teachers.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: There's always something you can learn from the people around you if you're willing to see it and if you're willing to kind of absorb it.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: So can you speak to what it was like growing up with parents or maybe even start even sooner your grandparents?
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_01: What was your childhood like?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_02: Sure.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_02: Happy to.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_02: Regarding my childhood, I have an older sister.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_02: We're about seven, eight years apart.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_02: And so when I came into this world, uh, you know, you don't have that typical, you know, brotherly, sisterly fighting because there wasn't that much to fight about, right?
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_02: We were completely two different ages.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so we had two very devoted and loving parents.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_02: They both worked hard.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, we just grew up in a middle income class family, but they wanted to provide for every opportunity that they could for us.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_02: You know, for me, a lot of it had to do with, you know, my friendships and my sports.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_02: And um, gosh, I played all four sports growing up, and they were right with me, not missing a beat game practice.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_02: My dad coached me really in everything growing up.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_02: And those that's some of the best memories that I have as a kid.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_02: It wasn't screaming and fighting or debating or anything like that.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_02: It was, you know, a pretty happy-go-lucky household that I grew up in.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_01: I write in the book in chapter seven, uh, how I witnessed the way that you comforted your son.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: How was it for you reading that?
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: Seeing and also hearing from someone else how they viewed you as a father, as they viewed how you comforted your son in a time of pain.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I'm I appreciate being part of your book.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, it it meant a lot to me that you think highly of us as good examples um to include in your book and be part of your life in your story.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_02: It gets me a little misty because um you know, you want to hang your hat at the end of the day and say, Did I do everything the right way?
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_02: You know, just the little things like that.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_02: And I want to go put my head down on my pillow at the end of the day and say that, yeah, you did.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_02: You treated others with respect, yeah.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_02: You helped your kids through challenging moments.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_02: You know, that your kids are a reflection of how you raise them and what they see from you.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_02: And so if I come over there with a calm, cool head with giving love and uh affection and telling them we're gonna get through this and looking at what's going on and how clean up whatever it was bleeding or a cut or it fell down, right?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_02: We're we're gonna get through it together, not panic, and not shout.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_02: You know, that's gonna give them the tools to be able to navigate when difficult situations come up with on their own with their friends.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_02: I want to be a good example.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_02: And and the reason I get a little misty is because we're we're all human.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_02: And there's all points where you know, maybe we didn't provide that shining example for them that day.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_02: Um you know, for some reason in that moment I did.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I and I appreciate you know how much of an impact it had on you because of your childhood and the things that you shared in your book of some of the challenges and difficulties that you had.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_02: But I would just go back to say I just really want to be an example for him and and keep a calm, cool head because there's no reason to get super excited or yelling.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the the event kind of like leaves me choked up because I can still see it as clear as day.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_01: Me too.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: Have you ever found yourself reacting in the same old ways, even when you know parts of you want something different?
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: That question sits at the heart of my book, Who's Driving the Bus?
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: It's the story of my own journey, looking back at the parts of myself I carried from my childhood, the ways I learned to protect myself, and how I began to understand who was really making the decisions in my life.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: If any of that feels familiar, I hope my story helps you recognize some of your own and reminds you that the way you've always reacted doesn't have to be the way you always respond.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: To start the journey, get who's driving the bus at andrewmichael.com or on Amazon.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Available in print, Kindle, or you can listen on Audible.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: Your house was a safe haven for me.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: Your children came and woke me up every morning and got me out of bed when I couldn't function.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: And after that whole ordeal, you kind of helped me move on to the next phase of my life, which was helping me with my finances.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: Again, I'm going to use the term a wise adult.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: For me, most of my life, I have lived my life as my adaptive child, meaning a wounded man in grown man's clothing.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: And in that, there are a lot of adult decisions that need to get made.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember certain instances, whether it was me emailing in all caps or me being angry and you helping to diffuse the situation as an adult.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: Can you speak to what you do for a living and how you help people plan for their futures?
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a financial advisor.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_02: I I help companies manage their retirement programs for their employees.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_02: So helping hardworking Americans get to a successful or comfortable retirement on time.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_02: Now think about what you're going through, right?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: You're selling a business for a first time.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_02: Business that you built with your blood, sweat, and tears from a a teenager learning the business, right?
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_02: It was your baby, right?
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_02: That was your baby.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_02: So rightfully so, you're gonna have this like full spectrum of emotions and that you're gonna go through in that journey.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_02: And you never sold a business before like that, right?
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_02: It it's all encompassed in there.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_02: So you know, when I think about what I do for a living and and again, how I was raised, uh, just trying to stay on an even keel or staying steady is is something that I've always tried to do, no matter the situation.
• 13:25
  SPEAKER_02: The highest of the highs, the lowest of the lows.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_02: I'm this internal optimist.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_02: I try to find the best in everyone in every situation.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_02: So I I just feel like that balance between what you were going through and what you needed to hear, someone with optimism and someone who was, you know, in your corner that believed in you still and that this was gonna be for you long term, best for you, that you were gonna come out and walk through the fire and you're gonna be a better person for it.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, I think about this, the the there's a slogan about wild horses, and then when there's a storm on the planes coming, what do the horses do?
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_02: They don't run away from it, they run through the storm to get to the other side because what's on the other side is happiness, it's peaceful, you know, and that's what we were uh aiming to do, you know, as you were going through that that sail and and going through all those different emotions.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_02: I knew you'd get there, and to see where you are today with the journey and all the things that you developed and taught me, it's been life-changing for me, Andrew.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: But now as adults, throw that out the window.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's you know, we're ready to go and do things that maybe we weren't willing to do when we were kids.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate hearing your version of your experience.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: Your wife said to me, I said, I don't understand why you guys, you know, let me stay with you.
• 14:49
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, I felt bad.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm bringing this negative energy in the house.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: And she goes, My husband and I were never worried about you.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: We knew you would get through it, but I didn't believe that.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: But it was really important to be in an environment and to be around people who had that intrinsic value to keep you going.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: I do share a lot in the book that fear has taken a lot of my joy for most of my life because I always thought that there were certain ways things had to be.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that's just the way that it is.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_01: When you think about yourself, is there anything that you wanted to try as a child that maybe you think you'll try now as an adult?
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_02: I have never played a musical instrument my whole life.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_02: Sarah and her family, they required that they all learn a musical instrument at a young age.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_02: My dad knew and knows how to play the piano.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_02: Our kids, they all are playing an instrument in school.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_02: I want to play a musical instrument.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_02: The piano is what I want to learn.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: So they had the Stivic 5.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: I mean the Jackson 5, it'll be the Stivic 5.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: Sarah will be on vocals, you'll be on an instrument, and all the kids will be playing something.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I look forward to that.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_02: You and Sarah and the vocals.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: I want to go back to the business part for a second.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_01: When you think about the word team, you are fortunate enough that your career and that your company uh makes it so that your wife can stay home with your children.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: Can you speak to how that has helped you as a team, meaning with your significant other and also with your children?
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: I grew up in a blue-collar family also, and my parents were working, and I know that they were trying to provide us with everything they could.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: But as the kid, all you want is your parents' presence, all you want is them to be with you.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so tell me a little bit about how that built the foundation of your marriage and also your life.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_02: So let me start with our first date.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_02: Sarah and I went to Delmonico's, which is a steakhouse.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't realize at the time that she wasn't eating meat.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_02: So it it could have gone downhill right after that.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_02: Uh but she gave me a chance.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_02: And um it was on that first date, you know, and she told me at the end that she was a teacher and she loved children and she wanted to raise her own children, and that was important to her.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_02: And if I wasn't comfortable with that, there wouldn't be a need for a second date.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_02: So I looked at her and I said, I'm perfectly fine with that.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_02: There's probably gonna need to be sacrifices that we'll need to make to be able to make that happen.
• 17:45
  SPEAKER_02: But I was willing to give it a chance because I knew I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_02: You know, we had our our first child, John Paul, as soon as, you know, John Paul and maternity leave started, she never went back to work.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_02: There are many, many times where she misses being in that classroom with the kids.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_02: She's an outstanding educator.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_02: And you could just tell that you know, we wanted to give that kind of experience to our kids, right?
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_02: There's no one better to be able to take care of your kids if you can do it than mom or dad.
• 18:14
  SPEAKER_02: So that's what we did.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_02: That that's that's the sacrifices that we made, especially early on, to be able to make that happen.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_02: It wasn't easy by any means, but we just felt it was that important that we wanted to raise our children.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_01: So you've been married now how many years?
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_02: 13 years.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_01: 13 years.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_01: One of the things that I like to touch on the most um is people's love languages.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_01: We learned that when we owned the car washes, you know, we're in a room asking everybody about their love languages.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: Can you speak to how your love language and your partner's love language shapes the way you communicate?
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, again, I learned a lot about this from you.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_02: I wasn't my best self or my best husband when I first met Sarah.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_02: I had I had so much to learn, you know, from having more of a balance between being with the kids and having, you know, time to herself and myself, right, to do things that we need to do to continue to be able to enjoy the life that we have.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_02: I wasn't doing all those things that I needed to for my wife, and I wasn't seen and it was causing more stress.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_02: Um so you know, she wouldn't say much to me.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_02: But then over time, there'd just be these dust-ups, right?
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and again, for me, not growing up in that kind of a household where there's hostility or anything that's like arguments, uh, you know, it's kind of hard, right?
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_02: I I talk things through, I'm open, you know, I I say how I'm feeling, and you know, I I try to do all the right things.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_02: You mentioned perfect Paul earlier, but I wasn't doing that.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_02: I wasn't being a perfect husband to my wife.
• 19:58
  SPEAKER_02: Um, it's been a lot of work, it's been a lot of um self-reflection to know when you're wrong and admit when you're wrong.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_02: To sell say to someone that you're sorry, those two words empathy I think is needed more than ever in work and families and friendships.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_02: Empathy and love for leadership is so important and sometimes it can get lost, especially in business.
• 20:26
  SPEAKER_02: But I think empathy is so important in leadership.
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_01: Where do you think you get the courage and the knowledge to to have learned that, but also to express that?
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I would say um, you know, clearly my parents have have been a very healthy example for me.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_02: Talking a lot to Sarah's talking a lot to you about righting the wrongs, you know, the journey that you went on from you know meditation to finding yourself poking, right?
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_02: All those things.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_02: When like when you came back here, like you were a changed person.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_02: And for me, I wanted to tap into that.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_02: I wanted to learn, like, what what what are you what are you doing?
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_02: Because you're you're a completely different person.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, I want to be able to have that clear mind again that I can put my head down at the end of the night in my pillow and say I did all the right things during the day or in the past.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_02: Like those things really matter to me.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_02: And again, hearing I'm sorry is taking responsibility for anything that you did wrong, and it completely diffuses any madness that is going on.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I found that those two words matter more than anything else.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: Why do you think so many men are reluctant to say them?
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_02: You know, um I do feel, and I again go back to i you know, your book about how you were raised.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_02: I still feel that there's a lot of times where you can't be soft, you can't show affection.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_02: You can't cry.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_02: Don't don't cry in front of in public in front of people.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_02: I don't care.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_02: Like I I've always shown my affection.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I've never been like that.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_02: And you know, my parents always showed love, holding hands or kissing.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_02: And that's the way that I am with my marriage and my kids.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm gonna hold their hands and as long as I possibly can.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I I definitely think it is part of ingrained in our culture as a boy, primarily, of what kind of expectation you should have on your outer self to the community.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_02: And um, I I I just don't feel like that's healthy.
• 22:37
  SPEAKER_02: I don't feel like that's normal.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_02: Like singing, coming out and and and singing, that's something that you always wanted to do, but you were timid or afraid to do it because of what other people would think of you, and it wasn't a manly thing to do.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_02: Right, you know, but when I met you for the first time, I was like, that's a six foot four man who's pretty masculine and manly.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_02: So that that outer show that you were portraying, you know, you're doing a really good job of it, Andrew, because I would have never guessed that you have felt the way that you had inside all of these years.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: So thank you for the compliment.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: I'll I'll take that.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: I would say that while it might have been portrayed as confidence on the outside, there was a lot of sadness that came across as rage.
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_01: I remember my brother saying, What's wrong with you?
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: You're always yelling, you're always screaming.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: What does a child do when they're in pain?
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_01: They yell and scream.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, it took a lot of work to kind of reprogram my brain to understand that I don't have to be like that.
• 23:44
  SPEAKER_01: But as men, we carry a lot of stress, and there isn't a lot of safe spaces to kind of talk about that.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: One of the books that's my favorite is called I Don't Wanna Talk About It.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: And my next book is going to be called I Wanna Talk About It.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_01: This is important for all humans, but especially men, to have a safe space to talk about their experience.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_01: There was a time where my body crashed, and that's when I feel like I had my awakening.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: I think that when you're trying to be successful, you just keep pushing and pushing and pushing.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then your body says, Stop.
• 24:24
  SPEAKER_01: You're a very successful individual, but there was a moment where your body said, Stop.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_01: Tell me about that moment.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, for me, going back to, you know, 2016, I was diagnosed as a type 2 diabetic.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_02: And it it really took me by surprise and flipped my world of all the things that, from a health perspective, that that could lead to.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_02: You know, it's it's one of those things where you start thinking about life and leaving people that you love behind early.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_02: I didn't want to do that.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_02: And um, it was about a couple of years ago where I really started getting um very much into how do I create my best self to be here long term for my loved ones.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_02: So this like diagnosis of diabetes and wanting to be able to control it and manage it was really the emphasis for reaching out to you and learning more.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_02: Because again, I I saw the way that you were when you came back into town after going through this four-year journey.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, that man is a pillar of calmness.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_02: He is completely different.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_02: And I could see it in you, and I wanted to tap into that knowledge that you'd attain because it would have taken me years and thousands of dollars to go do all those retreats and trips that you have.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and you've had some outstanding experiences that you could be able to share with me and others um again on multiple fronts.
• 25:50
  SPEAKER_02: I saw you, Andrew, and I said, you know, if I can learn how to meditate, I can control my my stress, my cortisol, right?
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_02: My diabetes can be controlled.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I started eating better.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_02: So the fact that, you know, you were doing your own cooking and you're using traditional spices and cooking with, you know, vegetables and fruit.
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_02: And I started a new program called Mastering Diabetes that had really taught me how to eat a different way and really lying with what you were doing and cooking at home.
• 26:21
  SPEAKER_02: And, you know, so I all those things really came together at once.
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_02: And it's been a two and a half year journey where, you know, my you know, cardiovascular health is in a better place than it ever has been.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_02: I'm down 30 pounds, um, doing it through exercising, eating better and water.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_02: Um, my blood work from my tests and my lab results are continuing to come in, you know, better than ever.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_02: So, you know, I that that's what happened for me, Andrew, that wanting to tap into the meditation and your how you're eating and cooking, and then also the gratitude journal that you know you've also sent me and set me up with.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for that.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_01: A lot of times I think that people don't realize there are four pillars to build a house, and that house is your body, and it's sleep, movement, food, and meditation.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: And really, as you were talking, I was like, he has done all four steps because he's done all four steps, he's allowed his body to heal.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_01: Um, so again, I didn't even realize until you said it now that I was in the beginning, you have role modeled a lot for me.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_01: And then now I feel like it's kind of calm 360.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: I role modeled a lot for you, and in that I think it makes the relationship stronger.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: I think it makes people a lot of times I think we look at each other's differences and weaponize that instead of looking for what we actually have in common.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_01: As we come to a close, I just I'm so grateful that I've been able to learn from you to see somebody who is a wonderful father and a wonderful husband and a wonderful son and a wonderful friend.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: So, um, from my inner child to yours, thank you.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for giving me hope.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for showing me that that with the certain tools you can really live a happy, positive life.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_01: So I closed at the end of the chapter.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_01: And the way I'll close today is the world needs more pauls.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_01: And thank you for bringing John Paul into the world because he'll be the natural progression of the next Paul.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_02: So I appreciate everything that you've done for us.
• 28:40
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, and for me in particular.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_02: You know, you're always going to have a special place in our family and my heart.
• 28:47
  SPEAKER_02: I can't thank you enough for your friendship because without you, I wouldn't be where I am today.
• 28:54
  SPEAKER_02: And um, my kids certainly wouldn't have Uncle Andrew.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_02: So we love you.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for everything.
• 29:00
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you.
• 29:01
  SPEAKER_01: So from my inner child to yours, this is Andrew Michael, and we're signing off.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: If something in this conversation resonates with you, share it with someone who needs to hear it.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_01: Because the truth is, none of us were meant to figure this out alone.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_01: If you'd like to go deeper, you'll find more resources, including the book, upcoming events, and ways to connect at andrewmichael.com.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, remember, no matter where you are in your journey, it's never too late to take the wheel back.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_01: From my inner child to yours, I'm Andrew Michael, and this is the Andrew Michael Podcast.