Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor as a New Manager
Transcript
- Lucas: So you've just been promoted to your first management role. You've got the title, the team, the extra meetings. But the one thing nobody hands you is the mentor who actually understands what you're going through. Luna: Right, because the mentor who helped you as an individual contributor might not be the one who helps you now. The game has completely changed. Lucas: Exactly. And that's the angle we're digging into today. Because when you step into management, your problems stop being about your own output and start being about how to get results through other people. And that's a completely different skillset. Most new managers I talk to say the hardest part is the loneliness — you can't vent to your team the way you used to. Luna: Yeah, that isolation is real. So how do you even start looking for a mentor when you're still figuring out what you need to know? Lucas: I think the first step is to get brutally honest about your blind spots. And there's a concrete exercise for that. Write down the three things you've already noticed about the role that make you uncomfortable. For one new manager I talked to, it was delegation, conflict between two team members, and understanding what her boss actually cared about. Luna: That's a good list. And it's specific. So she knew exactly what to bring to a mentor conversation. Lucas: Yes, and that's what I call drafting a management briefing. It's a one-page summary of your biggest challenges, what you've tried so far, and one specific question you want to work through. You bring that to a potential mentor and it shows you're serious. It makes it easier for them to say yes, because they know they won't be wasting their time. Luna: I love that. It's like bringing a doctor your symptoms, not just saying 'something hurts.' But where do you find a mentor who's been through the manager gauntlet? Lucas: So the first place I'd look is actually two levels up — not your direct boss, but a manager in a different department who's been doing this for a while. The reason is, they're far enough away that you can be candid about your team's issues without worrying about internal politics. Luna: Makes sense. But what if your company is small and there aren't many senior people to choose from? Lucas: Then look outside — a former boss from a previous job, a peer from an industry association, even a mentor you meet through a professional group. The relationship matters more than the org chart. And there's another underrated source: your own reports. Reverse mentorship. Your team members have a front-row seat to your management style, and they can tell you what's working and what's really not. Luna: That takes a lot of humility, but it can be so powerful. I've seen it work when a manager sets up a monthly one-on-one with a team member just to ask, 'What should I stop doing?' Lucas: And that leads to a broader point — you don't have to have just one mentor. You need a constellation. A traditional mentor for career advice, a peer mentor from another team to compare notes on the week to week stuff, and maybe a sponsor who has a seat at the table and can advocate for your development when you're not in the room. Luna: So how do you actually go about asking someone? I imagine a lot of new managers freeze up at that step. Lucas: Keep it low-stakes. Send an email that says, 'I'm new to management and I'm working on X. Could I buy you a coffee for thirty minutes to get your perspective?' You're not asking for a lifetime commitment. And if they say yes, come prepared with your briefing. The worst thing you can do is show up with no agenda and waste their time. Luna: That's practical. And I bet a lot of people worry about feeling like they're bothering someone. But most senior folks are flattered to be asked. Lucas: Absolutely. And that's also why it helps to be specific about what you admire in them. Like, 'I noticed how you handled that project when the timeline slipped — I'd love to hear how you thought about it.' That's a lot more compelling than a generic 'be my mentor.' Luna: You know, this conversation has me thinking about how we also rely on the support of our listeners. If this show has ever helped you think through a career move, a lot of what keeps us going is the small contributions from people who find value in it. A couple of dollars a month genuinely makes a difference in keeping these episodes ad-free and accessible. Lucas: Yeah, it's like a coffee for the team. And if you've ever thought about it, you can find us at buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. It's not a big ask, but it adds up. Luna: And it lets us keep putting out episodes like this one. So, back to that constellation idea — once you've found a few mentors, how do you make the most of those relationships? Lucas: Make it a habit, not a one-off. Put a recurring meeting on the calendar, even if it's just every six weeks. And always end each conversation by asking, 'What's the one thing you think I should focus on before we talk again?' That turns a pleasant chat into a real accountability loop. Luna: And what about the emotional side? Being a new manager can feel really lonely, and it's hard to admit you're struggling. Lucas: That's where a mentor can be a lifeline. During the pandemic, I remember a new manager who confided to me that she felt like a fraud — like everyone would find out she didn't have it all figured out. Her mentor, a VP from another division, told her that the best managers are the ones who admit what they don't know. That simple permission to be human changed everything for her. Luna: It's like the mentor gave her permission to ask for help. And that's not weakness, that's actually a strategy. Lucas: Right. And there's a research angle to that too. A study from the Center for Creative Leadership found that managers who actively seek feedback and coaching are more likely to build high-performing teams. It's a direct correlation. Luna: So we've covered finding mentors, but what about when you don't click? How do you know it's time to move on? Lucas: When the conversation stops being useful. If you're leaving every meeting feeling worse than when you started, or if they're only giving generic advice that doesn't apply to your situation, that's a sign. It's okay to politely say, 'I think I've gotten what I needed for now' and thank them. A good relationship doesn't have to last forever. Luna: But you should still keep in touch, right? Because a former mentor can become a sponsor down the road. Lucas: Exactly. Send a quick update every few months. It takes two minutes. When that promotion opportunity comes up, they'll already know what you've been up to. And sponsors are the ones who say your name in the room when you're not there. Luna: So let's pull this together with a real example. You mentioned a manager earlier — can you walk us through how she actually used all this? Lucas: Sure. So this woman, let's call her Priya, was promoted to a team lead at a mid-sized tech company. Within a month, she was drowning. Two of her team members weren't speaking to each other, and a project was slipping. She found a mentor through a former boss, and they met for thirty minutes a week. They used that time to role-play difficult conversations — like the one she needed to have with the two employees. That practice gave her confidence, and by the time she actually sat them down, she knew how to start. Luna: Role-playing with a mentor — that's such a good idea. It's like a dress rehearsal for your own career. Lucas: It really is. And it's something you can do even if your mentor is just a peer from another team. You don't need a senior exec to practice that kind of stuff. Luna: So what's the one thing a new manager should do this week to start building this support system? Lucas: Write that one-page briefing. List your top three management challenges, one thing you've tried, and one specific question you want to work through. Then, send it to one person you think could help — it's a low-risk email. And if they say yes, you've already done the hard part. Luna: And if they say no, you've still got the briefing to use with someone else. Lucas: Exactly. Rejection is just redirection. The goal isn't to find a mentor who says yes to everything — it's to find the one who's the right fit for the phase you're in. Luna: And that phase will keep changing. So maybe the most important skill is knowing when to evolve your circle. Lucas: I think that's the takeaway. Management is a journey, and your mentors should grow with you. It's okay to outgrow one and move on to the next. Luna: Well, I feel like I've got a concrete plan now. Let's see if our listeners feel the same. Lucas: If they've got questions, we'd love to hear them. But for now, go write that briefing.