Latest / The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast / Almost Good Advice Part III

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Almost Good Advice Part III · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

0:00
Speaker 1: This is Almost Good Advice with Ben Higgins and Ashley
0:04
Speaker 1: Ayakonetti Almost Famous Listeners. We're back for another week of
0:09
Speaker 1: our new segment on the Almost Famous podcast. Week one
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Speaker 1: went so well, thank you for listening. If you haven't
0:15
Speaker 1: listened yet, they're ever green, so you can go back
0:17
Speaker 1: and listen again. So massive hit, and we're hoping it
0:20
Speaker 1: would because we love doing this. So we're here for
0:23
Speaker 1: week two of Almost Good Advice. Now we'll start with
0:27
Speaker 1: a question from Alexis. Here, I'll just read it's a
0:31
Speaker 1: little long.
0:32
Speaker 2: Oka say, it is a little long, but okay, I'm listening.
0:36
Speaker 1: Alexis says, I've listened to the podcast for years and
0:38
Speaker 1: it's the best. Thank you, Alexis, thank you. So here's
0:43
Speaker 1: the question. I have been in relationship with my boyfriend
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Speaker 1: for nearly six years. And he's older and he has
0:50
Speaker 1: one older sister. She's two and a half years older
0:53
Speaker 1: than him, making her six and a half years older
0:56
Speaker 1: than me. They are never particularly close sister brother, and
1:00
Speaker 1: their family unit is not as close and chatty and
1:04
Speaker 1: loud as my family. His parents are a bit reserved.
1:08
Speaker 1: Ever since dating him, I have longed for a close
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Speaker 1: relationship with his sister Choi's loves being with her married
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Speaker 1: side of the family, i e. The other sister in laws.
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Speaker 1: It makes me feel left out. My boyfriend has brought
1:22
Speaker 1: me up to his sister that I do want to
1:25
Speaker 1: create a relationship with her, and she kind of said
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Speaker 1: she really isn't that close with her sister in laws
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Speaker 1: and they do their own thing. Obviously, engagement in marriage
1:35
Speaker 1: is on mind slash horizon. I feel it'd be so
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Speaker 1: bad not to involve her in a wedding party, but
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Speaker 1: I believe it would be awkward if I had her
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Speaker 1: at all, and since I don't have relationship with her,
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Speaker 1: it would be awkward. I just wouldn't feel comfortable involving her.
1:55
Speaker 1: The question is, how do I create a relationship with
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Speaker 1: a significant other sister after not having one for years,
2:03
Speaker 1: and especially if an engagement is around the corner that
2:06
Speaker 1: really sets the tone with them moving forward.
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Speaker 2: Hmm, Well, how do you become close to somebody who
2:14
Speaker 2: doesn't seem interested in being close to you? I don't know.
2:22
Speaker 1: Ben.
2:22
Speaker 2: This is again why it's almost good advice, because there's
2:26
Speaker 2: some things that I just can't. I don't so I
2:30
Speaker 2: can tell you what I think about the whole wedding party.
2:33
Speaker 2: I think you can ask her to be part of
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Speaker 2: the wedding party, even though she said she wouldn't feel
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Speaker 2: comfortable at all involving her. Okay, so here's the deal.
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Speaker 2: You can have her in the wedding party, but you
2:44
Speaker 2: don't invite her to like the bachelorette, she doesn't even
2:46
Speaker 2: have to be in your room. I don't know. She
2:48
Speaker 2: probably doesn't even want to be part of your wedding party.
2:52
Speaker 1: But I want you to.
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Speaker 2: I don't know. I want you to be close to
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Speaker 2: your sister in law. But but you but after so
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Speaker 2: many years, six years, you may it may not happen
3:04
Speaker 2: for you. And it's six and then she's six and
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Speaker 2: a half years older than her. So you could just
3:10
Speaker 2: blame the fact that possibly the sister in law just
3:13
Speaker 2: feels like there's too much of like a generational difference
3:16
Speaker 2: between the two of you, because if she's close to
3:19
Speaker 2: the other sister in laws on her husband's side, maybe
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Speaker 2: they're more in the same stage of life and that's
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Speaker 2: why they bond. I don't know, what do you think.
3:29
Speaker 1: Well, if we were sitting down as friends, Alexis, and
3:32
Speaker 1: you asked me this question, I'd say, well, one you
3:36
Speaker 1: don't have to be friends with your sister in law
3:38
Speaker 1: like that isn't common. Honestly, I know more people who
3:41
Speaker 1: are not close with their sister in laws than probably
3:44
Speaker 1: people that are. That is not something that always happens.
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Speaker 1: And it's not like necessary to still be in love
3:51
Speaker 1: and to have a good relationship with your you know,
3:54
Speaker 1: boyfriend right now future for bedyance.
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Speaker 2: Yeah, it just needs to be cordial.
3:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, taking breath, realize and Ashley's right, like, if you
4:01
Speaker 1: can get to a place of being cordial, that's a win.
4:08
Speaker 1: And relationships take time. You might be you know, five
4:11
Speaker 1: years down the road, after a couple of family vacations
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Speaker 1: or whatever, you could find yourself having some memories with her,
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Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, the relationship bossoms and
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Speaker 1: you forget this season of what I would say though,
4:22
Speaker 1: to try to keep the peace as best as possible
4:27
Speaker 1: right now, so you know, you in a sense, you
4:29
Speaker 1: gotta fall on the sword, and you do got to
4:31
Speaker 1: invite her to these wedding festivities. You do got to
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Speaker 1: have her in the wedding party. If you're having some
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Speaker 1: other sister laws in the wedding party, if you're not
4:38
Speaker 1: having other sister laws and you don't, but keep the peace,
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Speaker 1: you know, don't let it feels like right now maybe
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Speaker 1: everything is pressing and all these big decisions need to
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Speaker 1: be made. I would say, there's there's a time and
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Speaker 1: a place to be the peacemaker and to just walk
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Speaker 1: through this slowly, to not make a big stance right now.
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Speaker 1: Bring her along, but just know you might never be
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Speaker 1: best friends, and that's okay, that's not You're not alone
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Speaker 1: in that. That's very common. But maybe one day, as
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Speaker 1: like moves on, you'll look back and you'll say, hey,
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Speaker 1: do you remember that time that we weren't really that close?
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Speaker 1: Look at us now we're having all these memories together.
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Speaker 2: Also, note that your boyfriend's not even that close to
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Speaker 2: his sister, so therefore it doesn't make a huge impact
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Speaker 2: on your life. Like if Jared didn't like hanging out
5:26
Speaker 2: with Lauren, that would be a huge impact on my
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Speaker 2: life and it just wouldn't work, you know, depends on
5:33
Speaker 2: the sibling relationship. That has to do with how close
5:36
Speaker 2: that like you probably would need to comfortably be so
5:41
Speaker 2: abby sent us.
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Speaker 1: The next one, alexis to close that out, just keep
5:46
Speaker 1: the peace the best you can, and to be the
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Speaker 1: adult Abby writes in and says I'm at an exciting
5:54
Speaker 1: juncture in my life and need advice on how to proceed.
5:56
Speaker 1: I was laid off from a job that if being
5:59
Speaker 1: on it, I felt pretty lackluster about. I also really
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Speaker 1: recently got married myself Clayton Eckerd and Jacob Rappini actually
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Speaker 1: asked my bridal party to be part of the wedding
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Speaker 1: through cameo. I do remember this now, Abby, and my
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Speaker 1: husband has agreed to support me during this time. Why
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Speaker 1: I figure out next step? My problem is the possibilities
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Speaker 1: are endless. I feel like there is so many exciting
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Speaker 1: options to pursue, but I'm scared to get out of
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Speaker 1: my comfort zone and them struggling to make any tangible goals.
6:33
Speaker 1: As people who have excelled with a variety of endeavors
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Speaker 1: that span multiple industries, I love some advice on how
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Speaker 1: to get organized and get started on my pursuits.
6:45
Speaker 2: My advice is just to be shameless, to just not
6:50
Speaker 2: give a crap about not getting a response. You have
6:56
Speaker 2: to just kind of put all things out there and
7:01
Speaker 2: scour like the internet for the proper email addresses. You
7:05
Speaker 2: know what I did when I was It was before
7:08
Speaker 2: the Bachelor, Oh my gosh, before the Bachelor, but it
7:10
Speaker 2: was after grad school. I like put a sizzle reel together,
7:16
Speaker 2: like it just like a resume reel, and I sent it.
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Speaker 2: I fed xed it to certain like producers at Access,
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Speaker 2: Hollywood and et and all these things. Just like think
7:28
Speaker 2: out of the box and just don't be scared to fail.
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Speaker 2: It's what's the worst that's going to happen, you know,
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Speaker 2: like really like you might be you might feel a
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Speaker 2: little embarrassed. Feeling embarrassed isn't a big deal when you
7:41
Speaker 2: really put your mind to it.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, there, you know, depending on what age you are too,
7:48
Speaker 1: and also your financial security, like I don't you know,
7:51
Speaker 1: we don't know where you're at financially right now. If
7:54
Speaker 1: you can afford to take a few months and you know,
7:57
Speaker 1: kind of figure stuff out. But I know in my life,
8:01
Speaker 1: you know, is first kind of having to figure out
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Speaker 1: my purpose or what I wanted my purpose to be.
8:06
Speaker 1: And the purpose has changed multiple times from when I
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Speaker 1: was younger. You know, find out what you're really passionate about.
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Speaker 1: And one of the ways I like to find my
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Speaker 1: purpose is to figure out what angers me the most
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Speaker 1: in the world and then involve myself in some of
8:19
Speaker 1: those solutions. So what are those things that really like
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Speaker 1: fire me up, that I feel are inefficient or unjust
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Speaker 1: or lacking skill And then enter into those either with
8:30
Speaker 1: a company that's already doing the solutions or trying to
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Speaker 1: provide a solution myself. So that's one way find your purpose.
8:36
Speaker 1: What kind of what could you get fired up about?
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Speaker 1: And the next is right off of what Ashley is saying,
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Speaker 1: take some risks right now, like if you're young and
8:43
Speaker 1: you guys are you know, don't have the massive like
8:46
Speaker 1: financial responsibilities of a family, or you're not you know,
8:49
Speaker 1: buying a home or whatever that is, take some risks,
8:53
Speaker 1: like take some jobs that feel exciting but yet maybe
8:58
Speaker 1: a little uncomfortable, and say yes to them. And if
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Speaker 1: you don't like them, we're in a day in and age.
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Speaker 1: Even though you know, I think maybe the generation above
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Speaker 1: us doesn't understand it. Our generation is really good at
9:10
Speaker 1: kind of moving from job to job to job to
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Speaker 1: job until they figure out the one that fits. And
9:15
Speaker 1: once you do, maybe there's you know, you get a
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Speaker 1: whole nuisance of loyalty and there's a whole new excitement
9:18
Speaker 1: around it because you're a part of a team, and
9:20
Speaker 1: you're part of a brand and you're trying to grow
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Speaker 1: this thing. But I would say, actually spot on in
9:26
Speaker 1: my opinion, is free yourself up to take some risks
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Speaker 1: and know, you know, I've had seven companies that I've
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Speaker 1: started that have all failed at this point in my life.
9:36
Speaker 1: Like I love that you say that we've succeeded a
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Speaker 1: lot of multiple like things. That's great. I've also failed
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Speaker 1: a lot of things or fallen short and I've learned
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Speaker 1: from them. I'm not mad about them. I got better
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Speaker 1: for the next time or around. But I've had seven
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Speaker 1: businesses that I've had to open up or shut down,
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Speaker 1: or that I've worked for and that have shut down.
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Speaker 1: It's just a part. But they they've all made me
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Speaker 1: better in the end. And yes, the time, it hurts.
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Speaker 1: Sometimes it feels like the world's fallen down around you.
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Speaker 1: But once you know, the smoke settles, the dust clears,
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Speaker 1: there's a whole new perspective that you can take into
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Speaker 1: whatever career you choose next.
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Speaker 2: Going off of what Ben said, you can look at
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Speaker 2: how many times the Kardashians have had shows or ideas
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Speaker 2: and businesses that all of a sudden they're just not there. Anymore.
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Speaker 2: But they're billionaires and we would never think of them
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Speaker 2: as failures. So seriously look it up and then also
10:27
Speaker 2: like draw this on your arm or something. It's cliche,
10:31
Speaker 2: but the magic does happen outside of your comfort zone.
10:35
Speaker 1: Hey, let's go. Heidi writes In says she's been a
10:49
Speaker 1: listener since day one. We feel like bff. I agree, Heidi.
10:52
Speaker 1: I don't know you, but any listener of ours is
10:55
Speaker 1: a friend of mine. So here's the deal. I've been
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Speaker 1: married to my wonderful husband from five years. When I
11:00
Speaker 1: met him and he was a very single guy on
11:02
Speaker 1: the lookout for love. He was hot, tall, handsome, clean
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Speaker 1: shaven or sometimes a little scruff and short haired. From
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Speaker 1: the wedding day on, he stopped cutting his hair. It's
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Speaker 1: long and unkemped, it has a single and has an
11:15
Speaker 1: accidental dreadlock in it. It's somewhere that looks like a
11:19
Speaker 1: kitty cat poop. So she's saying his hair is a mess.
11:23
Speaker 1: At the same time, about five months after getting married,
11:26
Speaker 1: he stopped shaving. He's not shaved since. This has resulted
11:30
Speaker 1: in my husband looking like Forrest Gump when he ran
11:32
Speaker 1: across country for a three years or a hardcore motorcycle
11:36
Speaker 1: gang member or an ultimate hippie yogi. Our first two
11:40
Speaker 1: years of marriage, I tried everything to get him to shave.
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Speaker 1: He kept telling me that he would shave it when
11:45
Speaker 1: he felt like it, and I needed to calm down.
11:48
Speaker 1: It's just hair, and that has never had a beard
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Speaker 1: longer than two years. He would tell me that it
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Speaker 1: hurt his feelings, that I repeatedly expressed this to him him,
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Speaker 1: and that I changed my look, and that I could
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Speaker 1: change my look if I loved it, he would have
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Speaker 1: no problem with it. After a few years, I learned
12:09
Speaker 1: that telling him I hated it was doing nothing but
12:12
Speaker 1: causing tension our relationship. But we're at five years now, people.
12:16
Speaker 1: Even though I have expressed anything to him for a
12:18
Speaker 1: long time, this still makes me sad because this hairy
12:22
Speaker 1: stylistic choice hides this beautiful face, makes him look about
12:26
Speaker 1: ten years older. I don't feel physically attracted to him
12:30
Speaker 1: like I did. He just doesn't seem to care. What
12:34
Speaker 1: do I do to get him to get rid of
12:36
Speaker 1: this monstrosity on his own? Thanks guys so much.
12:40
Speaker 2: Oh man, I feel like this is like I feel
12:43
Speaker 2: like Dean and Kayln need to talk about this. Because
12:45
Speaker 2: I feel like this is something Dean would do.
12:49
Speaker 1: You know, I have the answer. I think, Okay, go
12:53
Speaker 1: for it. She wrote it in a sentence. I think
12:58
Speaker 1: she tells him the compliments. You're very handsome, and I
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Speaker 1: miss seeing your handsome face. This beard covers up your
13:08
Speaker 1: handsome face. And I would love to see the face
13:11
Speaker 1: of the man that I married because it is so handsome,
13:14
Speaker 1: and you are like so hot, you are tall, and
13:20
Speaker 1: you are in good shape and all these things. She
13:23
Speaker 1: has to continue to emphasize the compliments, give him the compliments,
13:29
Speaker 1: and then at some point she is his wife and
13:34
Speaker 1: he does need to respect how she feels about him. Now,
13:39
Speaker 1: there's so many other things here, but as a husband,
13:45
Speaker 1: if Jessica says, you know what I'd really like you
13:47
Speaker 1: to do, I'd really like you to shave that mustache
13:51
Speaker 1: because it gets long and it's not your best look,
13:55
Speaker 1: I do get a little anger. I'm like, what are
13:56
Speaker 1: you talking about? I always look good. And then I
13:59
Speaker 1: have to remember or she is my wife, and she
14:01
Speaker 1: is the one that has to wake up next to me,
14:04
Speaker 1: that has to go to bed next to me, that
14:05
Speaker 1: has to live with me, that has to be attracted
14:08
Speaker 1: to me, that hopefully one day has kids with me,
14:11
Speaker 1: and I want to look my best for her. So
14:16
Speaker 1: the question I would have that I can't answer here
14:19
Speaker 1: is why does he care so little about what his
14:21
Speaker 1: wife thinks of him? Yeah?
14:23
Speaker 2: I think this is his issue. This is on him.
14:26
Speaker 2: I feel like she probably is saying I miss your
14:29
Speaker 2: handsome face. I think she probably is being or at
14:32
Speaker 2: least at some point, maybe not five years in, but
14:36
Speaker 2: like she said, two years in, maybe was still being
14:39
Speaker 2: sort of kind about it. We need to know what's
14:43
Speaker 2: going on in his head. Yeah, it's almost he doesn't
14:46
Speaker 2: want to be attractive. I mean, he's hiding behind it.
14:50
Speaker 1: We talk about betterhelp, you know. I do think that
14:54
Speaker 1: therapy here, couple's therapy is really helpful in these situations
14:58
Speaker 1: because the the right answer is very clear. He should
15:02
Speaker 1: be as long as she's not nagging, as long as
15:05
Speaker 1: she's not all up in his business all the time,
15:08
Speaker 1: always telling him what he's doing wrong, Like we don't
15:10
Speaker 1: know that side of this relationship. But as long as
15:12
Speaker 1: she's just saying, hey, buddy, like it would be great
15:14
Speaker 1: if you cut your hair, like I find you so
15:16
Speaker 1: attractive and you cut hear like, if if this very
15:18
Speaker 1: normal request right in a relationship, and this isn't like
15:21
Speaker 1: an ongoing just like goodness, gracious, you always are pointing
15:25
Speaker 1: out something wrong with me U. Then there is the
15:28
Speaker 1: couple's therapy can help be that buffer to communicate some
15:33
Speaker 1: of these tough issues, because yes, it is something like
15:36
Speaker 1: it is a problem for him, like it sounds like
15:38
Speaker 1: something he needs to get over because he needs to
15:42
Speaker 1: all like he needs to be more aware of his
15:45
Speaker 1: wife's request, because that's important in a marriage.
15:48
Speaker 2: Do you remember if when we had Matt james On
15:52
Speaker 2: and I was talking about his beard and how nobody
15:55
Speaker 2: liked his beard and he and I said, it was
15:57
Speaker 2: almost as if you were trying to like cover it
15:59
Speaker 2: was like a security blanket, like you were trying to
16:01
Speaker 2: cover up something. And he said, that is one percent
16:04
Speaker 2: what was going on.
16:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I think there's just a deeper issue here.
16:07
Speaker 1: And so the advice I think to give you is
16:10
Speaker 1: to know that the right answer is that he should
16:12
Speaker 1: be willing to hear you out and try to make
16:14
Speaker 1: the changes as long again, I just want to emphasize,
16:18
Speaker 1: as long as this isn't a constant thing in your
16:20
Speaker 1: relationship where you're always pointing out the negative in him, Yeah,
16:23
Speaker 1: then he should be willing to listen to this.
16:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, because he could if there is something else going on,
16:30
Speaker 2: he could be doing it out of resentment, where it's like, oh,
16:32
Speaker 2: well she keeps doing that, then I'm going to keep
16:35
Speaker 2: looking like this because I don't even want her to
16:37
Speaker 2: be close to.
16:38
Speaker 1: Me, exactly exactly.
16:41
Speaker 2: It's weird that it happened right after they got married.
16:43
Speaker 2: It was like he's like, okay, I'm ready to go
16:45
Speaker 2: in the hole now.
16:46
Speaker 1: Yeah. It is very weird, and I just don't love that,
16:50
Speaker 1: because you know, marriage has its difficulties no matter what.
16:55
Speaker 1: But one of the things that is easiest to do
16:56
Speaker 1: in control is, like, you know, trying to stay attractive
17:01
Speaker 1: for your partner the best you can. Like, they married
17:03
Speaker 1: you because for a reason, they obviously were attracted to
17:06
Speaker 1: you enough to say, hey, I could wake up next
17:08
Speaker 1: to you every morning and that would be fun for me.
17:12
Speaker 1: And so trying to stay attractive for your partner is
17:14
Speaker 1: something that is typically, as long as health allows, fairly
17:19
Speaker 1: easy to control.
17:22
Speaker 2: And with Ben saying that I'm about to go downstairs
17:24
Speaker 2: looking like this to Jared audience.
17:29
Speaker 1: That's great. All right, final question of the day. Hi've
17:42
Speaker 1: been and ash after hearing the first episode of your
17:44
Speaker 1: advice segment, I know I needed to write in so good,
17:48
Speaker 1: thank you. My question is about going through my boyfriend's phone.
17:52
Speaker 1: I know it's technically wrong to go through his phone
17:54
Speaker 1: without him knowing, but it's still the beginning stage of
17:57
Speaker 1: our relationship and I don't fully trust him.
18:00
Speaker 2: Okay, there's your answer.
18:02
Speaker 1: I also saw something while going through it in the past,
18:06
Speaker 1: where he was texting his friend about a girl looking
18:08
Speaker 1: hot on Instagram? Should I bring that up to him?
18:11
Speaker 1: I feel kind of justified going through going through his
18:14
Speaker 1: phone because I actually found something. What should I do
18:18
Speaker 1: instead of going through his film? Because I don't really
18:21
Speaker 1: trust him yet.
18:23
Speaker 2: I think you're like answering your own question. You don't
18:28
Speaker 2: really trust him, so, like, I don't know what the
18:31
Speaker 2: longevity of this relationship is going to be. Why don't
18:35
Speaker 2: you fully trust him? Has he shown signs besides I
18:39
Speaker 2: mean texting his friend about a girl looking on Instagram? Yeah,
18:43
Speaker 2: you don't want to see that.
18:45
Speaker 1: But actually, let's pause there. I don't want to assume,
18:49
Speaker 1: but I'm guessing like Jared's on a text out of
18:51
Speaker 1: his buddies when like one of his friends sends a
18:55
Speaker 1: picture of a girl and it is like, goodness, look
18:58
Speaker 1: at her. She's looking so good, she's so she's so hot.
19:01
Speaker 2: Last season, I had like a Joe Burrow text message
19:04
Speaker 2: group with our producer Hannah in it, and we just
19:07
Speaker 2: send each other tiktoks like thirst traps of Joe Burrow.
19:09
Speaker 2: So obviously, like it's not a big deal.
19:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like it's not like you were like, oh my gosh,
19:15
Speaker 1: I'm gonna leave Jared for Joe Burrow.
19:17
Speaker 2: Yeah.
19:18
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're just like Joe Burd's a very attractive man. Like,
19:20
Speaker 1: it's not uncommon for men and women to text about
19:24
Speaker 1: the attractiveness of somebody else out there, especially if you
19:27
Speaker 1: still have friends that are single. Yeah, yeah, like you
19:32
Speaker 1: aren't going to be the guy's like, sorry, don't send
19:34
Speaker 1: me the picture of the beautiful girl from Instagram because
19:36
Speaker 1: I'm married, Like I would love if that world, Like,
19:40
Speaker 1: but like you can't be that guy, you can't be
19:42
Speaker 1: that girl. Yeah.
19:44
Speaker 2: It's usually in group messages too, where it's like a
19:46
Speaker 2: friend being like hey, I'm why I'm I'm like talking
19:49
Speaker 2: to this person. Then you can be like oh yeah
19:50
Speaker 2: he's hot, sure, and like that's it.
19:54
Speaker 1: Like there's there's nobody else in the world I want
19:56
Speaker 1: to be with other than my wife. Like I am
19:58
Speaker 1: so committed and so excited and so happy. But it
20:02
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that all of a sudden, I'm like, yep,
20:04
Speaker 1: never seen another beautiful girl in my life. Like no,
20:08
Speaker 1: like never found a girl and be like, hey she's
20:10
Speaker 1: really pretty or hey she's really attractive like that. It's
20:16
Speaker 1: just your mindset changes where you're like, yeah, but like
20:19
Speaker 1: I'm not like going to doctor or pursue her.
20:23
Speaker 2: Yeah, so what do you think about what do you
20:26
Speaker 2: think that she doesn't trust him for that reason or
20:28
Speaker 2: there's more to it? Sounds like there's more to it, yeah.
20:33
Speaker 1: Because if it's just a text with his buddy about
20:35
Speaker 1: a girl that's attracted, what I'm saying is like, hey,
20:37
Speaker 1: if that's the red flag that you're seeing, would I
20:39
Speaker 1: would say, yeah, you know what, it matters the context
20:42
Speaker 1: and what kind of conversation they're having. But if he's
20:44
Speaker 1: showing loyalty to you, like if he's pursuing you, if
20:47
Speaker 1: he is making sure that you know how special you
20:50
Speaker 1: are to him, if he's giving you all of that,
20:54
Speaker 1: then lean into that. I do think though there's an
20:58
Speaker 1: opportunity for a conversation here where you simply go to
21:01
Speaker 1: him and say, hey, I've been in my own head
21:04
Speaker 1: and you know what I have like wanted. I've been
21:09
Speaker 1: so curious about, like what's in your phone? And the
21:12
Speaker 1: reason is because I know that you were texting about
21:15
Speaker 1: this girl and I have some insecurities about it. I'm
21:18
Speaker 1: not mad at you for it. I understand that, like
21:21
Speaker 1: that's the thing that guys do sometimes with their friends,
21:24
Speaker 1: but it brought up insecurities in me. And if we're
21:28
Speaker 1: going to continue this, and I want to continue this,
21:31
Speaker 1: I don't want to have these insecurities. And so let's
21:34
Speaker 1: have that like define the relationship they used to call
21:37
Speaker 1: it back in the Little Church dase, but like, let's
21:39
Speaker 1: let's redefine like where we're at, Like what are you
21:41
Speaker 1: thinking towards me? Do you want to be with me?
21:43
Speaker 1: If you don't, this is an easy time to have
21:45
Speaker 1: an out. If you do want to be with me,
21:47
Speaker 1: what steps could we take so that like I do
21:49
Speaker 1: trust you more and that you I am more confident
21:52
Speaker 1: in us because I don't want to be in my
21:53
Speaker 1: head all the time. And this isn't just because of
21:55
Speaker 1: what you did, It's also because of what's going on
21:57
Speaker 1: in my head.
21:58
Speaker 2: Fantastic advice, man, Fantastic advice. When it comes to going
22:02
Speaker 2: through phones, though, you could also just simply say, like,
22:06
Speaker 2: you're probably not there in this relationship, but like you
22:09
Speaker 2: can be like, hey, can I have your phone for
22:10
Speaker 2: a second. There's that picture that you took a couple
22:12
Speaker 2: of weeks ago. I want to grab.
22:13
Speaker 1: No, you gotta be honest, you gotta be honest. You
22:17
Speaker 1: can't do that.
22:17
Speaker 2: You can't because all I'm saying is that, like Jared
22:20
Speaker 2: and I have never been like, we've never been with
22:23
Speaker 2: our phones. It's like here, it is, here, it is,
22:24
Speaker 2: so it's kind of like not I'm not even asking
22:27
Speaker 2: her to do it for the sake of going through it.
22:30
Speaker 2: I just want to see how easily he gives over
22:32
Speaker 2: his phone, because if he gives it over easily, then
22:35
Speaker 2: like there's nothing on there.
22:37
Speaker 1: But that feels like a test, and I just don't
22:38
Speaker 1: love tests and relationships. And you're I mean, we also
22:43
Speaker 1: have to take in consideration here, Actually you are married.
22:47
Speaker 1: Jessica can have my phone whenever she wants it and
22:49
Speaker 1: leave with it for the day. Yeah, but we're married.
22:53
Speaker 2: It is totally different. Huh.
22:55
Speaker 1: If you're just dating. You got to tread very lightly.
22:58
Speaker 1: There is not and there's not the commitment yet, Like
23:02
Speaker 1: you are boyfriend girlfriend. You know, if he stepped out,
23:05
Speaker 1: it would still be considered cheating. But you have not
23:08
Speaker 1: made that covenant. So you just haven't made that commitment
23:10
Speaker 1: to each other to be together, to be loyal to
23:13
Speaker 1: one another, and to stay together for the rest of
23:16
Speaker 1: your lives. And so at this point there is still
23:18
Speaker 1: a lot of like gray ay in this and from
23:22
Speaker 1: the question she wrote us, we don't know that he's
23:24
Speaker 1: stepping out in her on her In fact, I would
23:27
Speaker 1: assume he's not everything I ready or I'm like, yeah,
23:30
Speaker 1: I could see it, like is it cool? And you know,
23:33
Speaker 1: is it healthy to you know, no, it's not healthy
23:36
Speaker 1: to be looking at other women when you're in a relationship,
23:39
Speaker 1: But like, you know, what is the context, what is
23:43
Speaker 1: actually going on? And so the advice here Emily to
23:46
Speaker 1: you would be try to have a conversation with him
23:51
Speaker 1: that is honest from start to finish, because here's the
23:54
Speaker 1: other truth. If it doesn't go well and he gets
23:56
Speaker 1: really mad at you for this, especially if you give
23:59
Speaker 1: him the respect, he ain't your guy anyways, You're lucky
24:02
Speaker 1: to get out of that thing. Get out of there,
24:04
Speaker 1: go find somebody else. But if he hears you out,
24:07
Speaker 1: especially when you approach it with hey, I've had my
24:09
Speaker 1: own insecurities about this. It's been in my head. I
24:12
Speaker 1: feel like I'm going crazy. I've been thinking about this
24:15
Speaker 1: all the time. Every time you're texting on your phone,
24:17
Speaker 1: I'm watching you do it, wondering what you're texting about.
24:20
Speaker 1: If you just like give him that, he's going to understand,
24:23
Speaker 1: because truth is, all of us humans were a little
24:26
Speaker 1: weird and we have our issues. And he'll be like,
24:28
Speaker 1: I get it, honey, here's the deal. Like, I care
24:32
Speaker 1: about you. I only want to be with you, and
24:35
Speaker 1: then it will bring a peace. But try to have
24:37
Speaker 1: that conversation. If he doesn't respond well to it, he
24:40
Speaker 1: ain't your guy anyways.
24:42
Speaker 2: The keyword in what Benn is saying is blame yourself.
24:45
Speaker 2: Be like, I'm being weird and now I'm feeling this.
24:49
Speaker 2: It's like, not about him and what he's done.
24:53
Speaker 1: Not in this question. There's not a red flag where
24:57
Speaker 1: she can be like, you did this and it hurt me,
25:01
Speaker 1: and this is on you. No, right here, it's Hey,
25:03
Speaker 1: I am feeling a certain way, and as my partner
25:08
Speaker 1: for whatever period of time. This is I need you
25:10
Speaker 1: to hear me because this has driving me crazy.
25:14
Speaker 2: Great advice, Ben, not almost good Great.
25:18
Speaker 1: Let's go all right, Hey, Ashley, that's another episode of
25:21
Speaker 1: almost good Advice. This is some great questions. Continue to
25:24
Speaker 1: write us in. We want to answer as many questions
25:26
Speaker 1: as possible, spanning from business to life, through relationships to friendships,
25:31
Speaker 1: whatever it is. We just want to talk about it.
25:34
Speaker 1: For one reason, it's good to hear from you. The
25:37
Speaker 1: second reason, it's going to help people feel less alone.
25:39
Speaker 1: And then maybe just maybe we can chat through something
25:43
Speaker 1: and get to a place where maybe it's a little
25:45
Speaker 1: bit helpful for you. And if it's not great advice,
25:48
Speaker 1: it's almost good advice. We can commit to that. So
25:51
Speaker 1: until next time, I've been Ben, I've been Ashley. Love
25:54
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25:58
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