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THE REAL REASON YOUR SEX LIFE ISN'T WORKING · Erotic Spirit Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's a golden rule of energy, whether it be sex, relationships, life, period.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: The quality of the energy we project is the quality of the energy we receive.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are attracting non-optimal partners, look at the energy you're projecting.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: This podcast discusses sensitive and sexual topics that may be triggering.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: Please understand we are not therapists.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: We are simply sharing from our own journey and experience.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Erotic Spirit Podcast.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Angela Shelby.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm Jenna Lee.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: And today we are talking about internal beliefs and the energy behind them and how they can manifest in your life.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: So certain problems that you can be having that you may not realize your energy is generating them.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: And if you stick around, you get the opportunity to learn how you can challenge these beliefs and be free of them.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Change the, change the tape, change the belief.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: Or at least understand where the crap it's coming from.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: For me, that's like 80% of the battle.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Where is this coming from?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Where is it coming from?
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_01: And so whatever we share today, it does not like the define like this is always it for every person.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: But it just brings up curiosity.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_01: When we get dive deep into our shadows and the unconscious and the subconscious, we get to, even just by being in the flow of this energy, we get to share.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: And there may be self-realizations in other ways.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: So instead of being that victim mentality and like, well, oh, why me, why me?
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's I'm gonna be present.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna be here.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna uh understand and allow myself to say I have a choice, but I don't know what my I don't know I have a choice if I don't even know that I'm suppressing something.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like you know, it's kind of like an awareness to something instead of shoving it down.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_01: If you shove it down, you can't choose something different.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: And you stay in that like victim, why me, why me?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: So it's really an opportunity to shift that energy to be the true creator, co-creator of this life and creator.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yeah, yeah.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_00: To not have unconscious stuff running things, yeah.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I've been I've been interpreting dreams for since I was 14.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: So that's over 30 years now.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_00: And the interpreting dreams is all about your subconscious, your unconscious mind that is talking to you and it talks in pictures.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so I've been working with my unconscious for a long time and crap still comes up.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: There's still stuff that there are still things in my life that I decide I want to change, I want to change a habit, I want to change a pattern, and I will go into meditation or I will have dreams about it.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: Because as soon as I decide I want something, yes, my internal self, my unconscious, my spirit, and all of my spirit guides are like, great, this is what you need to do.
• 3:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you need to change.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: And so I stuff will still come up from my unconscious from my childhood, or you know, things that show me what I am believing that beliefs I need to change in order to move on to be who and what I want to be.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm, I guess I'm sharing this because it's a lifelong pursuit.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: It is.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like it's always as long as we are changing, it's new stuff's gonna come out.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's always changing, and there's layers, and there's something to you coming in, a message about divine timing.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: Because I know in like in a spiritual context or in the in the space that I have evolved through in my journey, I always hear things on divine timing.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: And oh, like now's not the time, or or it is, or, or whatever.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's divine timing.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_01: We are the creators of a reality.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: So when we take ownership of that, it's to me, I've learned it's more about readiness.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: Am I ready to allow and surrender and be in this phase where I do accept all the things that I, all my behaviors, all my patterns, all the things that I've been doing?
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: Do I willingly accept it and then take ownership and then change it?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: That's am I ready?
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and then the divine timing shifts around that.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: Just is.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: Just is.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
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  SPEAKER_00: What are we ready for?
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, what are we ready for?
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: So So the first thing that's popping in, one of the patterns, this comes up a lot.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: It comes up with people in my life, it comes up with clients.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, it's why do I keep attracting the same man?
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: Why do I keep or partner?
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Why do I keep a lot of my clients are women?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: Why do I keep attracting the same partner?
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: And what comes up and the energy often behind it, at least in my experience, has been an unwillingness to change.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: An unwillingness to step outside of one's comfort zone and change and do something different.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: So the the energy behind that.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_00: And like we don't often think of it that way.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: I know I kept attracting the same types of people for a really long time.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and I was unwilling to change.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: I was unwilling to be different.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I didn't see that.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: I always thought it was something wrong with something outside of myself.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, is this how I'm presenting myself?
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Is it what I'm wearing?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's the circles I'm traveling in.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, it's because, you know, Delilah set me up with that loser and it's all about her.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's it was always something outside of myself when it was really internal.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: It was an internal thing.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: It was codependent tendencies.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, so attracting people that that's a whole rabbit hole we could go down.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not going to go down it.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: But I had to look at myself and my behavior because and my thoughts about myself, because my energy was attracting that.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: So uh belief patterns around that.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: But it was my unwillingness to change.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want to change.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: I really had to look at myself and be and be hard with myself.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: You are creating this.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: It's not their fault.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: You're pulling them in.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: This is you're supporting this.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: I had to change.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_01: There's an interesting concept where who is the one common denominator in all of the those experiences, right?
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: Like I can't blame Tom for Jim, and I can't blame Jim for Bob.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm I'm the common denominator.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_01: So what is happening where I uh this is this is a concept or a theory that I believe in, that if I'm in a room and wherever my beliefs, my psychological beliefs, my nervous system is, like there's a scanning that takes place and there's some sort of familiarity with someone.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe someone uh seems overly confident, and there's always like that attraction to that, and that's saying they are confident or they're not, they are manipulative or they aren't.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: But there is something, there's some demeanor, there's some similarity, there's some energy that is emanating off of them that is similar to something that I'm used to.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: And for me, it was about what I thought was safe, but it wasn't that.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: That was the illusion.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_01: It was just what I was used to.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: It was, it was the survival, and chaos meant survival.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: So a lot of times people can get into like say a potential, they're dating someone, they may feel like it's boring, but it's actually peaceful.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not, it's finally not chaotic.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: And it's like, but they're fucking boring.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like, what's happening?
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, not all the drama, not all the shit's popping off.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like it's just, it just is.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: There is consistency because someone who is in their uh, you know, in their presence and awareness in themselves, they're also not gonna say necessarily protect themselves, uh, but there is a space of emotionally riding a smooth drive versus ding ding ding.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna like love bomb and all these things.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_01: So there is, there is, I I truly believe that, and I and I've seen it myself.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen it myself.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: And then when I've shifted my belief systems, I recognize the kind of partners that I would track in, and I was very proud of myself when I started to see it.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_01: Where I would even, and it's okay, you may go on a date with someone because you you felt something.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_01: That's when you get to know someone, and then all of a sudden you're like, okay, well, maybe you give it another try.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, or maybe you don't, because you recognize some things that just don't, you're like, oh, that that maybe that does feel familiar.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: But this time I'm not in survival.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_01: I recognize I'm really grounded in, and I don't need to validate the stuff through this experience anymore.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: I've already learned that.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm already here.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: Mm-hmm.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: If the it's a golden rule of energy, whether it be sex, relationships, life, period, the quality of the energy we project is the quality of the energy we receive.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: So if you are attracting non-optimal partners, look at the energy you're projecting.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: Codependent energy.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: Codependency is a way that people try to control their circumstances by taking care of people.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's someone who wants to control things because that's what makes them feel safe.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: So they go around in other people's business, trying to take care of everybody because they want their environment to be safe.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: And they come through as very helpful and martyrs and will do anything for you when in actuality they're trying to control you.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_00: So they tend to attract addicts because addicts want people or they're usually a hot mess and someone who will take care of them and manage their life.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: It looks like a match made in dysfunction, and it is.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: But the that's the quality of energy I was projecting.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: So that was the quality of energy I was putting in.
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: And I I noticed, because I I definitely uh there I had attracted uh that addict, and I noticed like afterwards or and through like the end of it was if I'm good, then you're good.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: If I'm good, right?
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: So that codependent, if I'm good, then you're good.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_01: And there was the the experiences that I had actually like you know, even just talk about sexual abuse.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like I was sexually abused when I was younger.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so when I look at the survival mechanism of like, if you're good, then I'm good, right?
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_01: It's just so ingrained in that literally unconscious, it was repressed.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: And so I had attracted an experience where it was like, if you're good, then I'm good.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna see past the experience of the chaos.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm actually gonna try to like help you.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: And then you're not doing it, you're not doing what I want, but I'm gonna try harder because if you're good, then I'm good.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: And I would stay looped in that pattern.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: And when I see that, when I just see things that I'm not in resonant, I'm like, oh, okay, like that's fine.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'll love you from over here.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: You're not in resonant, and you're doing your thing, and I don't need, I actually literally cannot control you.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: I physically, literally, I cannot control you to let you be.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: So there are many patterns that way.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: Just if you are someone who is thinking, boy, I just keep attracting the same person.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's time to switch up your energy and ask yourself those questions.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: Is it what I'm used to?
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Is it based on old trauma?
• 12:47
  SPEAKER_00: Do I keep picking people who are like my dad or my mom or my, you know, my brother?
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: Uh ask those questions and see what comes up.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: What's the what's another energy that comes up in your clients that the energy behind it they're not seeing?
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I've a I have a few things.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: So one thing that's coming in is related to I've seen where, for example, if there's like premature ejaculation or like just a like a quick set off.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so I would notice that, and this is very, there's so much, so many things that are very intricate in this, and there's so many other other reasons, but I have noticed that like there there has definitely been a shame around masturbation.
• 13:41
  SPEAKER_01: And especially like as younger, I mean generations now, like I don't know, but I just know me growing up, and then what I've seen is that, well, uh if I got caught, say, and there was a bad experience with it, which is just any other experience other than loving and saying, oh, this is per this is normal, right?
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: Any other any other experience other than that, it can really stick with you where you're like, oh, I might get caught.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_01: Like someone may come home early.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_01: And so then it's it relates over into it can, it can relate over into sexual experiences as an adult, as we're growing up.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I need to hurry up.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: I need to hurry up because I'm gonna get caught.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not like that's really like some what someone's thinking, but the body had such it's in such a reaction of what what happened until you, I would suggest go back, go back.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_01: If this is you and you're experiencing that, go back to your first experiences or any experiences when you were younger and around masturbation.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: And what was the response?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, was there a response?
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: Was there was there any communication or or talking about these very healthy aspects of life?
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, even silence, uh even silence can be something too.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_01: So just kind of look at your experiences and you may even notice like how even if there was, say, I'm hearing like silence, if there was silence around, no communication that this is normal, your body may be feeling things, you may have challenge even communicating any you may have a challenge communicating things around your sexual needs to others.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: So I've seen that come in as a as a opportunity to challenge the beliefs that were learned.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_00: So the energy behind could be behind premature ejaculation is I have to hurry.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't realize it.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_00: You don't realize, in fact, now you're trying to be like, no, don't hurry.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want to hurry.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: But you have for so long had the energy ingrained in you, you have to hurry.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_00: You have to get it done.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: You cannot get caught.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I would recommend too, like breathing, because um, what's happening is is now as like an adult, it might be a okay, no, I don't want to, and I keep thinking about, oh my gosh, it's gonna happen again, right?
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_01: You there's a loop.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: So whenever there's a loop, we want to interrupt the loop.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, and I would actually even uh have a self-practice, do like a self-practice where I start to normalize masturbation and and be able to um work through being uncomfortable.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_01: So I may feel uncomfortable even that on my own, right?
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: So I may maybe having some sort of thoughts connected in if I have a partner experience, but having an experience on own and then breathing.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: Breathing, um even more pattern breathing.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: What I would say is coming through is more pattern breathing.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: So whether that's box breathing or just like a regular breath of just, you know, same seconds in, same seconds out, same seconds in, and being able to focus on the breath, which is going to bring you back into the body instead of the thoughts that are looping.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: So just a suggestion.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: This is the other thing.
• 17:05
  SPEAKER_00: When we become aware of an unconscious pattern, we can't unsee it.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like with awareness, change is already starting.
• 17:13
  SPEAKER_00: As soon as you are aware of, oh, I'm doing that, that's where this is coming from.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's already started to shift and change because you can't unsee it.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_00: So again, kudos to that.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: If if you have a realization like, oh, that came from when I was a kid, and yeah, dad kept catching me in the bathroom.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I get it now.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_00: Where do I go from here?
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_00: If that feels overwhelming, give yourself a pat on the back right away.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's already starting to shift, because you are now aware of it.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's already starting to change.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: And just going back deep into like the things that you don't even think would be impactful.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like go back to all those initial experiences and like the give yourself love through it, but just understand that it's part of the process.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: It's not going to be like a day one to day 30.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_01: There's no ebb and flow of a time frame, but it is, it's awareness, and then it is the movement through it.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_01: And then the support, like, because there's different things that may support helping helping the behavior, the the loops in the mind um uh change.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: So there's that, and then there's the there, I one other thing that I was thinking of is like touch.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_01: I don't like to be touched.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: It's a belief of, or my, or actually, I'll reverse it.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: My partner doesn't want to touch me.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: Ah.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_01: And I was saying what I was starting off with me was because the interesting thing was that I did not like to be touched.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I did not recognize until when I started doing my own work that by the end of it, I recognized I had attracted a partner that did also not like physical touch because I was so I loved touching my body.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: I went through all the somatic release and I was so comfortable.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_01: And like by the end of it, too, I remember like the just having the best sex of my life.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: And because it was finally free out of the my own mental energy and my own mind of of trauma.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I recognized that that they did not enjoy touch themselves.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: So I had attracted that from the very beginning.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_01: But that's something, that's an energy that I see come into.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: This podcast is sponsored by My Awakening Within.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: If you are looking for some sort of practice to drop into your pleasure, to reconnect to your body, to start to build and cultivate safety from within, join me on this online self-guided journey where you will start to learn breathwork techniques, emotional release practices, and start to build this foundation of safety and security from a place of presence.
• 20:07
  SPEAKER_01: So join me online, myawakeningwithin.com or linked in the show notes.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: I like how you took something that seemed to be happening outside of you, like, oh, my partner doesn't like to touch me.
• 20:20
  SPEAKER_00: We yeah, there's like, but it was your own energy projecting out there that honestly, now that I think about it, I don't like to be touched.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_00: I have issues with that.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want him touching me in that way.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, and how you can just not realize that you're doing it, that that is the energy you are projecting, therefore that is the energy you are receiving.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: Or I'm embarrassed to be touched, or I'm ashamed to be touched, or I don't want people to see me.
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_00: There are times where I hear people talking about my sex life is not good, or my partner has changed.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what's changed.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_00: Our sex life in the bedroom has changed.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the things I always recommend therapy, always, always recommend counselors.
• 21:12
  SPEAKER_00: But even if the partner's not willing to go, it's uh looking at yourself and what has changed.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what in your energy has changed.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: It may be something that you are projecting, or it could be something going on with your partner.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I've had so many people in relationships go and get counseling themselves, and oh my God, their whole relationship changes.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: The stuff they were complaining about with their partner, oh, he or she does this, he or she does that, we don't do this.
• 21:44
  SPEAKER_00: They go into therapy and all of a sudden stuff starts to change with that.
• 21:49
  SPEAKER_00: And it had nothing to do with their partner changing, their partner's reactions and energy changed in response to their.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Change.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: I I love that.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_01: And what I think of when I hear that is, you know, when I go back to this space of I did not like being touched.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: And when I explored and I really started getting in and I felt so confident with touching my body.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_01: So what happens with that?
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_01: Or if I recognize that I want more of that touch from that partner, and I just give myself that time.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_01: I give myself that solo touch time.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_01: And I now maybe have confidence to communicate that desire, but not in a way that's like, oh, you don't touch me anymore.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: Because I mean, there is truth to that.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_01: But also the way that we can communicate with them could be like, oh my gosh, I love when you just brace your hand through my hair.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe it's been a minute since they've done that.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_01: But you rep you remember that one time and you get to just like, oh my gosh, I love when you do that.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: So it's more of a praise and a recognition and a reward of something that is like a desire as opposed to you don't do do do do, right?
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: Like the energy that you project is what you're gonna get.
• 23:12
  SPEAKER_01: And it's oh, I love when you just, you know, like gracefully touch my hand.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like, but when you talk to me or whatever, it's like, oh, I love that connection that we have there.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: So switching it and what you're projecting is what you're gonna get.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_01: You're gonna receive a different response because you're responding, you're not projecting and complaining.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and there's truth to what you want, but it is how we put it out there.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: Honey attracts more bees than vinegar.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: And over time, I honestly think we don't realize how much we change and how the little changes that we decide to make affect things.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, it's important to check in.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 24:01
  SPEAKER_00: Um, something else that comes up, can't have an orgasm.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: Have a hard time having an orgasm.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: Have never had an orgasm.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: Remember being in nursing school and one of my instructors saying, I had a woman come up to me in the clinic and and want to talk about having an orgasm because she'd never had one and she had seven kids.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: So having a lot of sex had never had an orgasm.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: So it's just some of the energy behind that.
• 24:29
  SPEAKER_00: My experience has been safety and feeling safe in one's body.
• 24:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: Being able to relax and just feel safe, or the energy of it is pleasure is not okay.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: So pleasure in general, even outside of orgasms, pleasure is not okay.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's not okay for you to have pleasure.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, huge.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, that is huge.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_01: I I know for me it was the relax.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: Um, whereas my system was always on guard.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_01: I was actually really never felt like I was in my body.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: It was thought disassociating.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_01: And yeah, I I definitely had those questions of like, mmm.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_01: And and a lot of it was then then that got projected onto well, I don't want to have sex.
• 25:20
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's a whole nother one in itself, but that's definitely can be tied to it too.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I I believe that just pausing, right?
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_01: Like sometimes it's like I just am not built to have orgasm.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_01: No, nope, you were.
• 25:37
  SPEAKER_01: You were.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: There's actually literally uh pleasure centers that we have that is just for pleasure.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_01: I can say for the woman.
• 25:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so yeah, literally built for pleasure.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: And so, but it is on us to recognize where we are at in the process because partner cannot know.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_01: And then also, if things feel good or they we want more of something, we can communicate that.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_01: And it doesn't even have to be with a partner, too.
• 26:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's like it just I would highly recommend if you haven't really start to explore on your own because there's a depth of ocean that is there waiting for you, and the partner's not gonna resolve it.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: If you don't know what hits your button, yeah, you don't know.
• 26:31
  SPEAKER_01: So it's taking ownership of the, you know, going back to not being victim.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna take ownership and I would like to explore that.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_01: I get to explore that.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, getting to know yourself, giving yourself permission to get to know yourself.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_00: Because there's for a long time being taught you can't touch yourself.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_00: You don't touch those parts.
• 26:55
  SPEAKER_00: Even as a little kid, don't touch yourself down there.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_00: Don't do that.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: As a little kid, you're at a party and you're grabbing an itch in your crotch or grabbing your butt.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_00: They're like, no, don't you don't touch yourself there.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_00: Don't do that.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_00: So it's a lot of the energy behind that is not having permission to like touch and explore who and who you are and what feels good and what doesn't.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes it's like receiving too.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: There's a receiving, right?
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_01: So there's like a there can be a connection into receiving, I am worthy of receiving the pleasure too.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_01: So it's you look at and you can look at other areas of your life too, where are you not receiving?
• 27:38
  SPEAKER_01: Even if it's it could be a simple someone wants to hold open a door for you.
• 27:42
  SPEAKER_01: You just start to look and check into where your receiving monitor is or what you believe about it.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: If you're like, no, no, no, I got it, I got it.
• 27:51
  SPEAKER_01: Um, or even if someone gives you a compliment and you're just like, I'm gonna give you one back.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: To just pause in the space of honoring you is receiving.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_01: It's okay.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_01: It's okay to receive and then not give.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_01: There's an energy exchange of just being in that, just being in it.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: If you had one takeaway for today, what would it be?
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, one takeaway.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I would say, oh man, it comes back to presence.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm hearing presence.
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_01: Presence to be allowing yourself the opportunity to be present and start to become aware of these beliefs.
• 28:39
  SPEAKER_01: And how I would recommend that, there's no one way, is what are the actions?
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_01: If I am not happy with an outcome, just start there.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, I'm not happy.
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: What's what am I doing?
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: And then track back, go backwards.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_01: And awareness is the first step.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: Once we become aware, we're able to unpack and use that energy, which thoughts are energy.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: Use that energy and do something different.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_01: Do something different.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_01: What about you?
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think the takeaway today would be that awareness brings change.
• 29:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_00: Just period.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_00: As soon as you're aware of it, you can't unsee it and you are already changing.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: So give yourself kudos.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it going on that adventure of being aware, of looking for the hiccups, looking for the snarls, looking for the stuff that is keeping us from being who and what we want to be.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: Always worth it.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: Always worth it.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: There's always a way, and it's always worth exploring.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_01: I love that.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you for tuning in today to Erotic Spirit Podcast.
• 29:59
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• 30:01
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• 30:06
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• 30:08
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• 30:15
  SPEAKER_00: So this awesome podcast is sponsored by Enlightened Energy Works.
• 30:20
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• 30:24
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• 30:40
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• 30:48
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• 30:50
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