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28: I Almost Hid My Podcast at Work… and It Made Me See What I Was Protecting · Banish the Lies: Outsmart Your Inner Critic

• 0:00
  Speaker: recently I found myself telling someone not to listen to my podcast right after telling them how much it means to me.
• 0:08
  Speaker: And as you can probably imagine, there's a bit more to this story.
• 0:14
  Speaker: Welcome to Banish the Lies, the podcast where we outsmart that sneaky inner critic and get closer to the truth that sets us free.
• 0:25
  Speaker: I'm Tania Cervoni, your host and fellow work in Progress here to share real stories and small shifts that help you reclaim what fear and doubt once stole.
• 0:36
  Speaker: Let's jump in.
• 0:37
  Speaker: Have you ever found yourself hesitating to share something because you're trying to manage how you'll be seen?
• 0:48
  Speaker: I had a moment like that the other day.
• 0:51
  Speaker: I was at a work engagement.
• 0:53
  Speaker: It was a full day meeting, and then about a dozen of us went out for dinner.
• 0:58
  Speaker: I ended up sitting beside one of the senior executives that for the purposes of this episode, I will call him John.
• 1:07
  Speaker: We were talking about work and at one point I asked him what he enjoys most about what he does, and he said something simple but really meaningful.
• 1:18
  Speaker: He said he's driven to make a difference.
• 1:22
  Speaker: He actually showed me this card that he had inside of his phone case that said exactly that, and.
• 1:29
  Speaker: Well, I didn't necessarily anticipate he'd say that right away.
• 1:33
  Speaker: I felt this connection to that same desire, and I was like, yeah, that matters to me too.
• 1:39
  Speaker: So he asked me, what does it look like to make a difference for others?
• 1:45
  Speaker: And I shared, you know, some of the safe stuff, my corporate work, facilitating programs, helping people have breakthroughs in communication and in their relationships, which, was all true.
• 2:00
  Speaker: And then there was this other piece, the podcast, and I could feel my own hesitation that split second of, do I share this?
• 2:13
  Speaker: Because this podcast is probably the most honest expression of me.
• 2:18
  Speaker: It's where I talk about my inner critic and the lies we believe and all the messy parts.
• 2:26
  Speaker: So I said it, I, I told him about the podcast and he immediately pulled out his phone and said, what's it called?
• 2:36
  Speaker: And, well, I gave him the name of the podcast.
• 2:41
  Speaker: I could immediately feel my heart rate pick up.
• 2:45
  Speaker: And then I started saying the weirdest things, things like, well, my boss doesn't really know about it, and he's like nodding his head and saying, oh, should I not mention it?
• 3:00
  Speaker: And I said something like, well, you know, it's just a bit strange to have your boss listen to your innermost thoughts and.
• 3:09
  Speaker: While he continued to nod, you could see this sort of expression on his face.
• 3:16
  Speaker: I'm not even sure what he was thinking.
• 3:18
  Speaker: And then he followed up with, are you then asking me not to listen?
• 3:23
  Speaker: And my weirdness continued, and I said something like, well, you know, maybe you'll wanna wait until after our next set of meetings at the end of the month.
• 3:33
  Speaker: And even as I was saying it, I could hear how ridiculous it sounded, and the irony wasn't lost on me.
• 3:44
  Speaker: Here I am.
• 3:45
  Speaker: Talking about banishing the lies of the inner critic, and in real time I'm letting it tell me that it's safer to hide.
• 3:55
  Speaker: And at that point I just stopped talking and started laughing.
• 4:01
  Speaker: I was like, okay, this is total bs.
• 4:05
  Speaker: Please go ahead and listen.
• 4:07
  Speaker: But that moment really stayed with me.
• 4:11
  Speaker: I kept thinking about it.
• 4:12
  Speaker: Because this wasn't really about John.
• 4:17
  Speaker: It was about how quickly I went to protecting an image.
• 4:22
  Speaker: The polished put together corporate version of me, and I'm guessing that a lot of us do this.
• 4:32
  Speaker: We carry around these different versions of ourselves depending on who we're with.
• 4:38
  Speaker: We got the work version, the friend version, the family version, and I suppose to some degree that's completely normal, but I am also seeing that there's a cost because if your sense of being liked or accepted depends on showing up in a very curated way, then.
• 4:59
  Speaker: You're never really gonna feel seen.
• 5:03
  Speaker: It's the persona that ends up being seen and accepted, but not you.
• 5:09
  Speaker: And over time that image management also gets pretty exhausting and honestly, in my experience anyway, a bit lonely.
• 5:19
  Speaker: Only.
• 5:19
  Speaker: I can actually recall a period in my life where I thought.
• 5:26
  Speaker: I don't even know who I am anymore.
• 5:29
  Speaker: I was so used to adjusting myself to fit the room and well, I've come a long way since then.
• 5:38
  Speaker: Moments like this remind me, I am still working on it.
• 5:43
  Speaker: Because at the end of the day, this isn't really about other people's opinions.
• 5:48
  Speaker: Yes, we are wired as human beings for belonging.
• 5:53
  Speaker: And of course we care what people think, but we also pay a price when we abandon ourselves to maintain that belonging.
• 6:02
  Speaker: And here's the part that's kind of funny.
• 6:05
  Speaker: People are gonna judge anyway.
• 6:07
  Speaker: You can spend all this time trying to manage perception and it doesn't actually guarantee anything.
• 6:15
  Speaker: So if judgment is part of the deal, either way, wouldn't you rather not exhaust yourself trying to control it?
• 6:25
  Speaker: And maybe more importantly, wouldn't you rather be known for who you actually are?
• 6:32
  Speaker: Not to mention, I think there's something powerful that happens when we show up a little more.
• 6:39
  Speaker: Honestly, not total exposure or oversharing, but a bit more honestly, I believe it gives others permission to do the exact same thing.
• 6:53
  Speaker: And that's pretty freeing.
• 6:56
  Speaker: So if any of this is resonating for you, maybe the question isn't, how do I be fully authentic everywhere in my life?
• 7:08
  Speaker: That might feel like a big leap.
• 7:11
  Speaker: Maybe it's just where am I holding something back right now and what's that costing me?
• 7:20
  Speaker: No judgment.
• 7:22
  Speaker: It's just awareness and inside that awareness, we have a choice.
• 7:28
  Speaker: And for me, I'm realizing that I'm tired of dividing myself into diversions, and I'm guessing that I'm not the only one.
• 7:40
  Speaker: Thanks for listening to Banish The Lies.
• 7:46
  Speaker: If today's episode resonated with you, take a moment to let it settle in.
• 7:51
  Speaker: And maybe share it with a friend who could use it too.
• 7:53
  Speaker: Lies, lose their power when we're brave enough to challenge them.
• 7:57
  Speaker: I'm Tania Cervoni, and until next time, be kind to yourself.
• 8:02
  Speaker: And remember, you're not broken, you're not alone, and you don't have to stay stuck.